Tag Archives: msn messenger

The Jessica Saga

[Blogger’s note: this one got lost somehow and never got posted when it was originally supposed to!]

For whatever the hell reason, tonight I decided it would be a good idea to go back and look at my old MSN Messenger chat logs from a few years ago. The ones I spent most of my time reading were the ones between Jessica (Rob’s ex (maybe?????) girlfriend at the time) and myself. Most of these were during the time between my first date with Rob and my second date with Rob.

And you know what I’ve learned from re-reading these? Three main things:

  1. Good lord, that girl needed therapy.
  2. I used to be Captain Pushover.
  3. Present Day Claudia would not have put up with this garbage for nearly as long.

That last point makes me feel really good, actually. I mean, look at some of this vitriolic nonsense. I’m glad I wouldn’t stand for this crap anymore. Jessica’s in blue; I’m in red.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad… just I think I’m going to wind up loosing him to you

But why do you want to have a relationship with him???

I wish things weren’t like this
Same here
then how do you wish they were?
Easier, I don’t know
easier on who or for who??? HUH?

It almost sounds like he wants you to have a relationship with him how you’re saying it
Well, he does, I think…
He asked me on the date, after all, and he asked me on another afterwards…
Did he not tell you any of this?
I already know about the date on Friday
Just go do what you want
So had you guys really not discussed this, is that why you both went off for about an hour?
just forget it go do what you want
Well…I still feel very bad…
Forget it I give up I’m leaving you alone go on with your god damn life!

WHat the hell are you telling rob now?
MOre shit to make him mad?

I hate talking about you and ROb….
Well, then we don’t have to talk about it
It’s what’s bothering me most right now anyway

oh and I really don’t think highly of you
but you shouldn’t care what I think got it?

What are you up to other than talking to Rob?
Not too much
What about you?
Being a mess
Anything I can do?
Stop asking
I’d get Rob pissed at me
YOu know that
Then I’ll stop asking
Cause my answer would be is don’t fall in love with Rob
got it chickie?

I just don’t like how often you and Rob are having dates
Well, the one on Friday will only be our second

SIck of me huh?
I wonder who you’re hiding from… you okay kid?
This is all I”m going to say
I hate that you like him that he likes you and that you two want to have a relationship
Why do you like Rob?
I won’t bite I’m sorry
But do you really know how much of an asshole he is ?

YOu also made out with him how about that? Was that his choice too?
A guy probably isn’t going to say no to an idea like that…
He initiated it
Or rather, it was kind of a mutual initiation
YOu two live in a fucked up little world

I fucking hate you
He’s got problems he won’t deal with he’s scared of trying….
He won’t talk to me anymore
YOu ruined fucking Pi day
You ruined it!
I’m sorry
But it was his decision to tell you everything that night, I said nothing about anything regarding that
YOu didn’t cause that fucking decision?
I didn’t tell him to say anything, if that’s what you mean
What did you say to him?
I didn’t say anything
He told me he was going to do it, and he did it
But you made him break a promise
What promise?
When he’d be back
I asked him if he needed to get back, and he said no
No no let’s go get food let’s go make out…
you’re toying with his feelings

I really hate you
I hope your relationship goes to hell I really do

You make me feel very depressed

That whole Rob relationship was toxic. Every bit of it. Ick.

Protected: Angst, angst, the magical fruit – the more you eat the more you alsdfjaovnvafyfbgf

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I’ve got no internet!

So we’ll do what I always do for blog posts when there’s no internet access: post random old MSN Messenger quotes! These are like from 2007/2008.

>> You can want all you want, but if you can’t, you can’t

>> Jesus is indeed environmentally friendly


>> My cat seems to enjoy following me around when I’m naked

>> Start chewing rocks!

>> Aneel, why do people suck?

>> So I’m making little Leibniz/Kant political posters, ’cause I’m bored and they’re cool
>> “Leibniz Kant”
>> Haha. Well. That’s not so positive, is it?

>> I think stress makes me awesome at statistics

>> Well, it’s my own fault, I’ve never masturbated

>> I’m sure all the great philosophers debated free will and determinism half-naked, it just makes more sense

>> oh, and can you think of some random household items, or really any random items… non-electric
>> You mean like spatulas and stuff?
>> God, I picked a phallic symbol…

>> “Where are my 25 credits? WHERE ARE THEY?!?”

>> College is fun except for this Locke paper

>> I feel empty inside
>> But now I have 2.90 GB of free space

>> Boobs are the first image results I get for the search “tubular” in Google Images
>> That’s awesome

>> What would be even more awesome would be a site like http://www.checkoutthisgirlscaboose.com and then have full of pictures of female heads and torsos attached to real cabooses or something
>> Now I’m trying to resist finding a picture of a naked girl, a picture of a caboose, and opening Photoshop

>> We were walking to Shari’s and he goes completely out of the blue, “it would be so cool to just embed glitter into the pavement on the street”
>> And I go, “what if there was a wind storm and all the glitter got picked up?”
>> Then, “what if an F5 tornado ripped through a Midwestern glitter factory and killed a bunch of people with glitter shards?”
>> And, “wait, what the hell is glitter really made of?”
>> So we decided it was made of chopped up Midwestern hicks

>> Wow, this DVD player hates life
>> It likes to sound like it’s eating the DVDs
>> *nom nom nom* “Where’s your director’s cut now?!” *nom nom nom*

>> Hit him with the STICK, you BASTARD!”

>> I’m just so excited I can spell “vagina” using the elements

>> Oh god…it’s…it’s German country music…

>> If I had three puppets and Lil’ Jon in my window, I’d be hyper, too

Also, it feels good to walk (for exercise) again. Tucson’s too ungodly hot for walking now, plus now that I have a job I can’t spend 6+ hours a day walking around the city. My cardio exercise has been confined to gunning it on the stationary bike at the Y as of late. Not that that’s bad, but I have butt calluses from it and for some reason I can’t zone out biking like I can when I walk. So today I went 18 miles and it felt fantastic (except for my little toes which are covered in blisters).

Hindsight also has a great sense of humor

HAHAHA, so I turned on old Vaio this afternoon and got my old MSN Messenger archives off of him. Freaking hilarious. Thus I must bombard you with random quotes.

My logic is bad for my health

Ten fingers, one brain. It’s tough sometimes.

Love is a buffalo sentence

Haha, dude, you don’t need to apologize for not being fat

Would I date this crap?

“And how is this a teen pressure?” “Teens want tasty things”

Relaxing is a pretty foreign activity for me

At the moment, the fact that I can coherent sentences is an amazing feat
Hahahaha, wow

God I hate triangles
This one’s all, “resistance is futile, I’m an isosceles!”
You know why we don’t have any triangular states? ‘Cause they’d be COMMUNIST

North Dakota’s a rectangle, dude

West Virginia: The paralellowhatthefuckgram-shaped state

How many dimensions does my cube have?

Your voice is not puke-colored, don’t worry

Screw you, NASA! I invented the moon

I like to think Dr. Pepper and Sergeant Pepper are brothers or something

Holy crap, Newton has a temperature scale named after him?
Bastard did everything

Quine is impossible to comprehend
He’s like “and here we have the Web of Belief, which works like FARTFARTFARTFARTFART, I’m a genius, the end.”

I’m going to get a PhD in “screw this, I’m going to play Quake”

Sean had to tell me his tales of being Sean

1. Don’t ask me stupid questions 2. Don’t touch me

If you pass out on the orgy couch, bad things will happen

Oh you know I love Leibniz. I WILL MAKE HIM MY COOKIE


I know where the spatulas belong

Sean dissected his electric razor and we shaved a newspaper

Fun fact: Lanky’s height draws the mean height of the house above the rest of us, how sad is that?


Fun times.


Today’s song: Let the Bass Kick in Miami Bitch by Chuckie and LMFAO

Don’t worry, Pluto…I’m not a planet either

I’m sitting in a hotel in Seattle, waiting to board the cruise ship tomorrow. I’m bored. Therefore, you get more MSN Messenger Snippets of Wisdom. Because that’s what I’m calling them now. These were all with Sean (who is the blue one).

This is difficult, but oh man, I can’t WAIT to see the fit of that regression line!
you’re not serious

“Ah, a funeral march. This will show how good our band is at slower music. Hmm, what else should we have? Oh! Thunder and Blazes! Clown music ALWAYS sounds best when paired with a funeral march!”

Haha, at one point I was reading him Leibniz
you sure are quite the romantic, aren’t you?

I need to calculate exactly how much free time I actually have in a week, just to see how much more I could feasibly be doing
you are weird
I have approximately 92 hours of free time a week, and that’s with the overestimation of 10 hours of homework per week
13.14 hours a day, that’s pretty good
you are so weird
I‘d have 13.28 per day if it weren’t for Psi Chi
Oh crap, I forgot the recitation sessions!
Ha, 13 exactly!
I’m awesome at rounding off my free time
you are SO weird

We’ve got a “Highway to Hell” and a “Stairway to Heaven,” right?
What’s up with that? Why are the righteous being punished by having to climb stairs?
I mean yeah, I guess the stairs could represent the fact that it’s more of a struggle to get into heaven, but seriously, why do the damned get the easier route to their eternity?
If it gets to that point, you’d think the holy would get to take a cab or something, or at least an escalator

Oh, by the way, if someone ever tells you to calculate a successive differences variance estimator for any data set larger than 10, run in the opposite direction as fast as you can
yeah, that’s something I needed to be told

“Mathematics and statistics requirements can be met by taking courses in the Department of Mathematics and the Department of Statistics”
No freaking way, you serious?!

I found a Leibniz clock and I want it
what the hell is a Leibniz clock?
A clock with Leibniz on it

I thought the first half was crap
At least, more crap than the second half
Which is also substantial in the quantity of crap

Eat it, Symbolic Logic!

(Talking about the finals schedule)
I could reschedule Symbolic Logic into the “When Hell Freezes Over” slot, I suppose

I’d have to teach Philosophy 104: The Best of All Possible Philosophy Classes, just to see who catches on

So apparently, according to this test, I’m a neurotic intellectul with no soul and poor social skills
Hahaha, I spelled “intellectual” wrong

I keep waiting for Gordon Freeman to crash through the window with his crowbar

We actually sort of worked at work today
We were all “what is this ‘manual labor’ crap?”

(Talking about zeppelin models being sold on eBay)
Haha…I can imagine the feedback on that Hindenburg model: “the damn thing burst into flames and disintegrated on my lawn! I want my money back!”

Side note: this Philosophy Quiz is kicking my ass
“In which position did Albert Camus play football?”
The fuck should I know?
I thought all he did was bitch about his existence and then contract the plague

Too sick to do anything but reminisce

I’m way to freaking sick to do anything productive today. Therefore, you get random MSN Messenger quotes from me. Because all I did today was reread the histories of my conversations. Note the surprising amount of times I say “spaghetti” and “orgasm” in the same sentence.

Haha, I’m listening to the Bloodhound Gang and I’m at the part in Three Point One Four where he’s singing “VAAGIIIIIIIIINA!” and my dad’s upstairs yelling “what the hell are you listening to?!”

“Mobius strips always have one-sided relationships”

“Mobius strips: they’re never two-faced”

You didn’t have to watch Roy (my supervisor) suspiciously mouth an Otter Pop this afternoon, so you’re lucky in that respect

Haha, that’d be a great slogan. Welcome to the U of I, where the education system is backwards and plastic expands without reasonable cause

Microsoft: helping you fudge percentages 102% of the time

CNN: where obscure news headlines make you go “WTF?”
“Hundreds of Dead Fish Trap Residents”
“Snake Slithers into Reporter’s Pants”
“Asst. Principal Arrested for Pimping”

*nom nom nom* “Where’s your director’s cut now?!” *nom nom nom*

When all else fails, play Rock Band

But now I have spaghetti, and it tastes orgasmic

U of I Don’t Know What the Hell We’re Doing

Scandinavia produces amazingly hot people
Hot as in “sexy,” of course, ’cause it’s cold up there

I’m orgasming over this freaking amazing spaghetti

Damn you, Godel!

Unless he’s (Aaron’s) drunk, in which case he’s fallen out of the drumming chair and is on the floor giggling

Fuck the comma!
(Quite different from “fuck, the comma!”)


Sean says: you should play this game
This is Not a Screen Name says: I can’t, I’m writing a gay love scene
Sean says: …
This is Not a Screen Name says: Wanna read it?
Sean says: …
Sean says: …
Sean says: …maybe

I need someone else to dress as Newton so we can have some sort of dramatic calculus duel or something

Can I put up that one where you look like you’re taking a crap on the bus?

“Let’s go see what’s going on on my page OH MY GOD MY EARS!”

Also, that zeppelin game has consumed my soul

Let’s hope Ross had an influx of short dude’s pants malfunctions

Well yeah, but Newton was a bitch

My limbic system blows

I guess I’ll just have to love my dead sexy intellectuals on my own

Descartes has laser vision

You’ve guilt-tripped me into thinking I guilt-tripped you
How’s that for a Claudia moment?

Gee, it sure would help if I had my FREAKING NOTE

How in the world do you make a professional-looking collage?
Spellcheck the freaking magazine word cut-outs?
I seriously have much better things to do with my time than make a collage for a 300-level class
Like bitch about making a collage for a 300-level class, for example

Haha, at least the logic final will make sense, nothing like “from no premises, prove that love is universal”

So…you’re saying you’ve never wanted a dead guy down your pants?

 Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if popular American books and movies were made in England instead
“The Green Kilometer”
“The Colour Purple”
“Celsius 233”
Hahaha, “The Tony Blair Witch Project”

I don’t know who Tukey is, but he and his W test can die

Did you have one that was as grammatically incorrect as a sentence could be?
It was like, “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to live up to __________________”
I should have written in “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to write good proper” or something

It’s got rainbows on it, so it can’t be all bad

“Funeral Home Assistant”
“Job entails: moving bodies, lawn maintenance”
“Move this body over here, then go get the weed-whacker”

Oooh, and then my floppy disk turned into a hard drive and I RAM’ed you so hard up your USB drive that you ejaculated a CD

*insert Godot joke here*

Group conversation with Nick (Nicktastic), Mike (Bacon) and I (Mobius) wherein Nick demonstrates his typing dyslexia:

nicktastic! says: shit
Mobius Striptease says: What?
nicktastic! says: i need to clean the apartment
nicktastic! says: the sink’s like 10/8 full of crap
bacon messiah says: lol
nicktastic! says: wait
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha, did you fail fractions as a kid, dude?
nicktastic! says: reverse that
bacon messiah says: hell yeah he failed fractions…he totally forgot to reduce that
bacon messiah says: the sink’s like 5/4 full of crap
Mobius Striptease says: Hahahahaha


Also, “Bacon Messiah” wins as best MSN nickname ever.

Protected: How I describe my roommates to my friends via Messenger

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Fun with Zeppelins

Hahaha, so most of these are from awhile back, but I finally just rediscovered them. For some reason, I came across the Hindenburg’s Wikipedia page, and, for some reason, I totally got a kick out of the whole idea of a zeppelin disaster. I’m a horrible person. These are excerpts from my messenger conversations, old and new.

Only 36 people died from the Hindenburg disaster?
I thought it was a lot more than that

Zeppelins are way too hilarious to be taken seriously

Why do I find this funny? What is wrong with me?
“Hydrogen: The H is for ‘Humanity'”

Oh god, it was named after someone
That poor family line

Apparently the United States’ monopoly on helium was the reason they used hydrogen
Germany: we’d like to use helium
US: you can’t, we’ve got a military embargo on you
Germany: but helium is reliable and is non-flammable—
US: go back to the periodic table, bitch!

And “rigid airship” sounds dirty

Ferdinand von Zeppelin = best name EVER

Dammit, I want to buy a zeppelin, but eBay’s search function is down

HAHAHA…www.hydrogennow.org has a picture of the Hindenburg going down on their “safety” page
That is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

These jokes are so horrible…”I went for a zeppelin ride and all I got was some humanity”

If they had called themselves Hydrogen Zeppelin, would the band have crashed and burned?

I don’t know why I’m on this “find the humor in the Hindenburg” kick all of a sudden
But the comments on one of the YouTube videos of the original reel are HILARIOUS
“nah its all good just play it backwards and the hidenburg rises back to normal flying all the way back to germany”
“”oh the humanity” is olde english for “holy f*cking sh*t””

Death by the Demise of the Moon

Damn you, Rob, I spent my entire night researching glitter because of you!

The initial conversation in a nutshell:
Rob and I were walking to Shari’s tonight and out of nowhere he goes something to the effect of, “it would be really cool to embed glitter into the road pavement.” So we talk about that for a little while, until I theorize this idea of all this loose glitter being picked up by a tornado and how absolutely brutal a tornado like that would be (fake CNN article on this idea coming soon). Then we got talking about what glitter was made of. So tonight I decided to do a little glitter research.

And the rest must be explained via Messenger logs:

And the Wiki page on glitter is hilarious
“Glitter is commonly used in craft projects, especially for small children and sorority women”
That is one fact of life I was unaware of

Here is the site for a company that specializes in glitter manufacturing. Yes, you read that right: a company that specializes in glitter manufacturing: http://www.meadowbrookinventions.com

Hahaha, there’s a conflict over when it was invented
That must be a heated debate right there
It’s like Leibniz/Newton, but with glitter

Precision cut glitter
Seriously, who is that anal about glitter?
It’s glitter, you either throw it or stick it to something

This glitter site advocates decorating a mosque with glitter
Glitter has no place in religion!
“MY religion sparkles brighter than YOUR religion!”

This website is hilarious
They’ve got this picture of a little girl who looks like she’s huffing the glitter

The safety data is HILARIOUS
“Ingestion: seek medical attention”
Eat glitter and DIE!
“Explosion .. not available”
“Product is stable under normal atmospheric conditions”
Haha, they make it sound like it’s Plutonium or something


Oh good lord, the Angelina Fibers look like out of control angora bunnies
I think I see an eye in this one
Yeah. Glitter = amazing.

MSN Messenger is not an appropriate substitute for a life

I should not be left alone in a house. Just to let you know. Not a good idea. This is what happens to my brain:
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Well, ok… I can see the point of a vague question… sorta… but for a personality test?
Mobius Striptease says: It can work if it’s worded right
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Yeah, but the kind of question I think you are being asked, it needs to be fairly obvious what they mean… not like an audio question that says “Expand the following sentence: ‘Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo'”
Mobius Striptease says: That’s a good question for a projective test
Jacob: Computer Geek says: in audio form?
Mobius Striptease says: Sure, it’d work
Jacob: Computer Geek says: you’re nuts
Mobius Striptease says: Thanks
Mobius Striptease says: Seriously, asking about buffalo sentences through headphones…how is that more crazy than showing people blots of ink?
Mobius Striptease says: Rorschach: the Audio Edition!
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Oh god
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha, that’d be AMAZING
Mobius Striptease says: I need to propose the Audio Rorschach as soon as I get my PhD
Mobius Striptease says: Haha, and have said PhD promptly taken away from me
Jacob: Computer Geek says: lol
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Them: “So, how’d you come up with this test?” You: “Oh, I was sitting nude at my computer talking to a guy friend, who also happened to be nude at his computer, through an instant messaging client, we were discussing tests, and we just spontaneously birthed the idea”
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha
Mobius Striptease says: “Here’s a Nobel Prize for you!”
Mobius Striptease says: That would be the best thing ever
Jacob: Computer Geek says: lol
Mobius Striptease says: Them: “Tell us how this test was developed” Me: “I took some speed and my friend gave me a microphone in which to yell. Honestly, there are no real meanings in that jibberish”
Best idea ever.


Today I present to you: “PROVERBS GONE WILD” (or, “Jacob and I should not be allowed to message each other after 4 AM”).

  • If a sound falls in a tree and no one is around, does it make a forest?
  • You can lead a drink to water, but you can’t make him horse
  • What’s the hand of one clap sounding?
  • A doctor a day keeps the apple away
  • Evil is the root of all money
  • The bigger they fall, the harder they are
  • First served, first come (dirty as HELL)
  • That which does not make us stronger kills us
  • Contempt breeds familiarity
  • A hard man is good to find (hahaha, this one’s my favorite)

Oh, and a really pathetic stats joke. Because I’m just that way.


Oh, MSN Messenger…

MSN is fun. And since I have nothing else to blog about today because work sucks and life is boring, you get some random snippets of my conversations with people. The last two are probably the most interesting. And I have no idea what’s up with all the drug references. I’m in red, other random people I allow to speak are in blue.
I see naked women patterns in the brains in my display pic
I’ve had too much sugar

so what are you up to tonight?
Using all my willpower to resist going back to the I Hate Butterflies forums

Item response theory can go suck it

Renal failure FTW!

Metalocalypse rehab center = necessary

The possible metaphysical ramifications of the existence of god do not affect whether or not I’m going to get an Otter Pop after work. I seriously wish they did, but they don’t

I’m still torn between Leibniz and Voltaire…but Leibniz is winning ’cause his wig is more ostentatious

“Vaaaaaagiiiiiiiiiiina! Vaaaagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina!”

God needs to write a “How To Win Arguments by Failing To Argue The Point” book

Lips placed provocatively on lollipop = freaking hard to draw

Nick and I
Hot Pockets make me want to conquer Europe

have you ever had a hot pocket?
But I’ve never wanted to conquer Europe, either
Therefore that’s the only conclusion that can be drawn
lol, wow, that symbolic logic class really cleared up your thought processes

are you high?
High on life!
And, you know, crack

Stop reading peer review journals and go buy some erotica

Sean and I take a five-factor personality test online and compare our results
So you’re always complaining that I’m emo…why are you sending me emo music?
hey, I scored a 71 on anger, don’t you contradict me!

“Your level of positive emotions is low”
That depresses me

Your interpretation of my anger issues is PISSING ME OFF

These are all Jacob and I
um, wait… you get AROUSED when the class scedules come out?
Well, as much as *I* can get aroused, I guess
I need help, don’t I?
um, yeah
There isn’t much that leaves me speechless… that statement just did
Who needs sex when I’ve got a PLANNER?

Maybe I’ll write a story on how this song makes me want to do LSD
Math rock: my anti-drug…except it makes me want to get high

I want to lick the chocolate off of the nude Swede, who wouldn’t?
Woah, I almost typed that into the wrong chat window…

I know you named your sexual organs… but did you name your breasts?
Newton and Leibniz
My boobs co-invented calculus
Or invented it independently of each other, rather
The jiggly ones have BRAINS
“It’s not good for tits to be that far from brains”
And this is probably the only time that I can ever use that Metalocalypse quote

My shuffle loves to mess with my head
Like yesterday it went through like five songs involving candy right in a row
I just don’t get why love’s always a candy comparison…I guess it makes sense, but what about the other food groups?
“Bread n’ Butter” would work as a love song, but I guess something like “Beefcake, Beefcake” would not top the charts

Wow, I never really realized how depressing the song You are My Sunshine is
“I love you so much…oh crap, you’re leaving…and I still love you…here’s a guitar solo”
“You have left me to love another, you have shattered all my dreams”
I love this song now
You could totally write this out as a threat letter to the person who dumped you…”you’ll regret it all someday”
I hadn’t heard it in the longest time, then shuffle landed on it
But the next song was Louie Louie, so I recovered

Damn you, Maggie!
mmm… pickles….
Is it sad that Pickles the drummer from Dethklok was the first thing that came to mind?
I need help
haha! That makes it REALLY dirty!
I know!

Man, I want some pickles…
the food, or the drummer?
Both would be nice

So.. if I like little pickles… does that make me a pedophile?
‘cuz I have some tasty little pickles in the fridge right now…
Gah! The imagery!

I wonder how many pickles I can fit in my mouth…
Oh good lord
Why, why, why???
‘cuz it’s FUN!

Holy crap! This pickle squirted juice all the way across the room when I squeezed it!
If I comment, I only encourage you

Last night I overdosed on M&Ms and went insane. This is Jacob and I.
Is that another metalocalypse quote, or did you eat some ‘shrooms?

 So here’s a question…why does the official Scrabble dictionary include words that are impossible to play in Scrabble?
Like “fizz”
There’s only one Z tile
Use a blank tile
But what about words with more than two Z’s?
It lists “zzz”
there are two blank tiles aren’t there?
I guess you could use both, yeah
But I know there were words in that dictionary that need more than two blank tiles and the letter
I now have a mission
First part of mission: find where I put the Scrabble dictionary
second part?
Find a word that can’t be played
Third part: blog about it
Fourth part: laugh

“Zyzzyva”–can be played, but what the fuck?
How many people–excluding American weevil enthusiasts–could just drop that word on the board without looking in the dictionary?

Is that the confluence of celestial bodies?
Indeed it is
Very good, no one knows what the hell that means
that is a FUN word to say
It is!
and that’s just about the only reason I rememberd
Haha, it’s like Lynyrd Skynyrd was allowed to put a word into the dictionary

Tubular Pasta = best band name ever
The lead singer could write under the name “Manicotti” or something
Hahahaha, a “penne” name!!
Oh god, I had way too much sugar

This song is too slow! Claudia wants metal!
You sound like you’re on crack

M&Ms: my anti-durg
Hahaha, drug, not durg
Point not proven

Hahaha, “I’m shipping off to Boston…TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!!!”
This song shall climb my playlist quickly
what’s it called, and who is the artist?
I’m Shipping Up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphys
I know!
I’ve never heard such an upbeat song regarding amputation

If I ever get a body part amputated, I’m going to write a techno song about it
Or just, you know, rewrite the lyrics of Dropkick Murphy’s song and just have it a blatant rip off
“I’m shipping down to Boise…TO FIND MY WOODEN ARM!”


Yeah. I’m nuts.

The Pitfalls of MSN Messenger

Today you get a little snippet of a conversation between Nick (“Philos”) and I (“Math Rock…”) because I have nothing else to blog about.

Philos says: son of a bitch my colon isn’t working
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Um, I’m sorry
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Maybe you should go to the doctor
Philos says: no no no
Philos says: on the keyboard
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Ohhh, THAT colon
Philos says: LOL
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Hahaha, wow, I fail
Philos says: that was hilarious
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: I think the doctor should take a look at your semicolon, too—I heard if that stops working you have serious problems
Philos says: bahahahaha

Protected: Messenger sex: like phone sex, but with emoticons

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Haha, oh my

So you know those Action Philosophers! comics I ordered a couple weeks ago?

They came today. And they are…


I swear this is the best investment I’ve ever made (aside from, perhaps, the Choco Leibniz). The guys who write/draw this are freaking awesome.
My new phrase shall be “who are you going to believe…Leibniz, or your LYING EYES?”

Oh, and for those of you who use iTunes and didn’t know, the program has a visualizer that responds to your music. Just press Control + T.

I was basically high on M&Ms tonight and decided to discuss this with Nick over Messenger.

Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: Holy crap, Nick
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: This is the most beautiful sequence of colors and patterns I’ve ever seen
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: My eyeballs are having orgasms
This is not a screen name says: oh god
This is not a screen name says: have you ever considered therapy?
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: They said eyeball orgasms were perfectly normal
This is not a screen name says: lol
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: This one looks like a gaping vagina
This is not a screen name says: okay, no more freud for you
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: Double helix jam session!
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: You either need to get iTunes or get your butt over here
This is not a screen name says: lol, oh yeah, “hey nick, come over here so we can watch pulsating vaginas and disco-dancing dna”
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: You know you want to
This is not a screen name says: hey, i never said i didn’t want to
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: Haha
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: Haha, iTunes visualizer haves Avril Lavigne
Monads are a Girl’s Best Friend says: And so does Spell Check

I’m bored as hell, can you tell?

Silly MSN Conversations with Maggie

Haha, Maggie, we are weird people when we get on MSN Messenger together.

For some reason I decided to read our message history tonight. Here are some of our more random, um, “conversations.” Maggie’s in blue, I’m in red.

hi, i’m wearing pants!
Aloha! I’m wearing tacos!

Oh noes! They’ll still stone you!
so I’ll be stoned?
The bad kind, not the fun kind!

Coming back up, are you? (forgive how sexual that sounds)

yay cookies.
Oh yes. Yes yes yes.

good time to do laundry, i guess.
or maybe it’s a plot of the penguins
Prime mating time, perhaps??
hmmm do the penguins require washing machines to mate?
Reminds them of shifting glaciers
so the penguins are ordering me to do laundry at two AM because they’re all horny?
Heck, if I were a penguin, that’s what I’d be doing
heck, that’s what i’d be doing even if i weren’t a penguin…

I think I’ll be purple for a while…
yay sex!

I basically have a grab bag of insanity for my classes (this was last spring, when I was only taking 20 credits. Haha, I had no idea what I had in store for myself later…)

I’d do Amazon
And I’d buy the book from there, too

But it’s HUMP DAY!

and the ones who get offended if something you say is even *slightly* sexual?
those people need to die.
A horrible, penis-filled death
why does the phrase “penis-filled death” make me laugh?
Cause it’s got the words “penis” and “filled” in it and they’re both funny words when put together?
I want a penis-filled death
Or life

need distraction from brain… AUGH!
Sounds like a good reason to go milk pirates (in reference to the Hebrides songs we played last spring. Haha, wow, this sounds really disturbing without that reference…well, I guess “even more disturbing” I should say).

The most I’ve ever truly done in a math class was draw a little flip book of a stick figure tripping over pi
I spent geometry making fun of perfect squares and got detention for it
“Why aren’t there perfect hexagons LOL” kind of crap

I totally deserved detention

I have this sudden desire to go streaking down my hall…

With all the poking we’ve been doing on Facebook, shouldn’t we have crapped out a combined 200 or so kids by now?

I cannot arrest children for being rude.
what a lame rule.
I totally arrest children for that all the time

I think I’d like to die in the making of the bonfire that destroys the Sistine Chapel…
that could be fun.
omg jesus’ ass is on f–*bursts into flames*
If I die doing that, I want the full description of what I was doing on my tombstone…

hey, i just realized that my week started today…
Happy MMSAP!
that’s a fun acronym…
sounds like a bad song…
Like MMMBop!!

Foooood yaa
German, yaa
I didn’t know studying Islam made me speak with “yaa” at the end of each sentence
well, try not to let Islam destroy thine mind.
take a RAB break.
I just might

I’m staring at pictures of naked people with pizza.
while listening to the Canticle of the Virgin Mary.

Does constipation cause arousal?
and can arousal cause constipation?
Haha “Oh god honey that was so amaz–oh, hold on. Laxative time.”

All of these are from the night we spent in Ridenbaugh before going down to Boise.
I want to (flap) you (the “(flap)” was a little animated stick figure flapping his penis around. Just FYI.)
STFU I try to do flash!

Your music sucks!
I know, I know!
Turn your damn music off, hippie!
You’re no fun, George!
My teeth are wooden, what do you want!?!?!

Why aren’t you people talking to me?!
I’m right here!

I still want to (flap) you

I want to play truth or dare, does that mean I’m a preteen?

wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey!! wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey
Shut the hell up!

Good times. We’ll definitely have to hang out in Ridenbaugh before we go down to wherever the hell we’re going this year. Yay!

The things we do when we’re given messenger and free time…


So Sean gave me two projective personality tests tonight. One I’d taken long ago (so I question my answers a bit because I had the old template still in my head), but the other was new. I’ll just give you my results, just in case you ever take the tests, ‘cause I don’t want to skew yours.

Onward (these are in Sean’s words, by the way):
~I don’t see a lot of value in the status quo
~Anything noteworthy must be done, not discovered
~I have an artistic, visionary personality; I feel unique but a little disjointed from my surroundings
~I have a fairly broad group of friends; my friends are there, but not “inside” my circle
~my idea of what I want in a romantic partner is un-developed. Right now I don’t have a template, so at the moment “lover” is just a special case of “friend”
~I don’t see difficulties as being added factors, just the normal surroundings “flaring up.” I feel like I can weather the difficulty
~My material possessions are decorative and aesthetic, and they’re important to me
~Knowledge is important to me (but it doesn’t open anything…long story)
~I feel like things will block my path that I have no way of defeating, but they can be circumnavigated
~My love life is “big and scary.” I go in prepared and try to keep myself as safe as possible from getting pulled under
~I hide from danger until it goes away, but I try to approach with a solution as custom-tailored as possible


Hooray for early morning conversations!

This is one of Claudia’s blog titles if and only if it contains a bad joke about biconditionals

Three points of interest today!

1. That Symbolic Logic test? Yeah, I rocked it.
142/150. I didn’t miss a single point on the three proofs. I lost all my points because I did a truth table with three variables, P, Q, and R, when there were only two variables in the sentence I was trying to table. Sad. But hey, I got an A, and I rocked those proofs. I’m happy.

2. Finally, I’ve found someone with whom I can make Godot jokes!
It’s another conversation with Sean, of course.

Action Leibniz! says:

Wow, there are 8 people on the wait list for Buddhism

Action Leibniz! says:


Giant Enemy Crab says:

“Waiting for Buddhism”

Giant Enemy Crab says:

haha, only two are on the waitlist for Godot

Action Leibniz! says:


Action Leibniz! says:

BECKETT 101: Godot

Action Leibniz! says:

Class size limit: 0

Giant Enemy Crab says:


Giant Enemy Crab says:


Action Leibniz! says:

Location: a country road. A tree.

Giant Enemy Crab says:

but it’ll be 1 when Godot comes

Giant Enemy Crab says:


Action Leibniz! says:


Giant Enemy Crab says:


Action Leibniz! says:

We need to offer that class

Giant Enemy Crab says:

haha, I’d teach it

Giant Enemy Crab says:

of course, I’d teach anything where I think they’d appreciate a monologue

Action Leibniz! says:

Haha, you could always tell students class is cancelled ’cause Godot couldn’t make it that day, but he’ll be here tomorrow

Action Leibniz! says:

Post it on Blackboard

Giant Enemy Crab says:


Giant Enemy Crab says:

that’d be AMAZING

Giant Enemy Crab says:

they’d show up and we’d sit around for ten minutes, then let them go

Giant Enemy Crab says:

haha, I’d tell them I was grading attendence so they’d have to come

Giant Enemy Crab says:

and then just give everyone an A for playing

Action Leibniz! says:

Orchestrate it so that the other minor characters would show up and actually start acting the play out

Action Leibniz! says:

Confuse everybody

Giant Enemy Crab says:


Giant Enemy Crab says:

“We have a guest speaker today”

Action Leibniz! says:


Action Leibniz! says:

“Seeing as how Godot’s been delayed…”

Giant Enemy Crab says:


3. http://www.geocities.com/krinklyman2/powers.html
Remember that Leibniz action figure I linked to a few days ago? Apparently, this guy did all the major philosophers up to Quine (though I must admit, the last one on that list I’ve ever heard of was Wittgenstein).
OH MY GOD these are funny if you know anything about the philosophers.
Favorites: St. Anselm, Descartes (with laser vision and clear and distinct punching action!), Leibniz (of course), and Berkeley.



Seriously, April must be “find really awesome crap on the internet” month.

This may very well get linked to on Facebook, I’m not sure yet. But I’m pretty sure I’m going to print them out and stick them all over my door.

Yeah, it’s these little things that make life worth living.

“A barrel-chested action figure with an enormous wig is objectively funny.”

Everything’s funny at 4 AM. Especially this.

Sean and I should not be allowed to talk on Messenger to each other so late at night/early in the morning. This particular conversation started about an hour ago, at 3 AM. We’d been talking since about midnight, and at this point Sean was pretty tired. But then I said one damn thing and we talked for another hour.

I have to say, this is probably one of the funniest MSN conversations I’ve ever had. Sean is amazing, I am amazing, and we’re both even more amazing this early in the morning.

I was going to fix the formatting to my standard, but then was all, “screw it, it’s 4 in the morning.” So you get what you get. And as if it needs mentioning, I’m “Action Leibniz!” and he’s “Giant Enemy Crab.”

Action Leibniz! says: Maybe you should go to bed before you purchase a small island or something
Giant Enemy Crab says: I need to be straight-jacketed promptly at midnight
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh man, my own island would rock!
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’m doing that RIGHT NOW
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, I just realized most of my Flash productions are made after midnight
Giant Enemy Crab says: holy gods
Action Leibniz! says: If your theory holds true, that explains a lot
Giant Enemy Crab says: this shit be expensive
Action Leibniz! says: Are you seriouly looking up islands?
Giant Enemy Crab says: well, it’s not like I’m just gonna stumble on to one, is it?\
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, Sean, go to bed!
Giant Enemy Crab says: hold on
Giant Enemy Crab says: I can totally afford this if I kill my whole family for their bank accounts
Action Leibniz! says: Hahahaha

Giant Enemy Crab says: [link]
Action Leibniz! says: Looks nice
Giant Enemy Crab says: someone is actually selling AN ENTIRE ISLAND on eBay
Action Leibniz! says: That’s awesome
Action Leibniz! says: At least their feedback score is 100%
Giant Enemy Crab says: hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: well good, that means they didn’t like void the warranty on it first or something
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, imagine the feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product as described: it was actually an island, yes”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “good value for price: yeah, I guess so, I don’t know how much fuckin’ islands usually go for”
Action Leibniz! says: “Very good climate, friendly natives, would buy from again! A+”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, yeah
Giant Enemy Crab says: “would totally buy from this seller again, but seriously – how many godsdamn islands do I need?”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: I mean, it’s kinda one of those things where you really only need one for the full effect
Action Leibniz! says: Apparently they usually sell beds
Action Leibniz! says: “Got the bed, slept in it, totally pleased!”
Action Leibniz! says: Awesome feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: man, this guy likes selling things that cost a lot and you don’t really find yourself shopping for that often
Giant Enemy Crab says: I mean, how many times in the last year have you bought a bed
Giant Enemy Crab says: let alone an island
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh, wait
Giant Enemy Crab says: it’s not the whole thing
Giant Enemy Crab says: WELL FUCK HIM, THEN
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’m not paying a million dollars for like part of an island
Giant Enemy Crab says: for that much, I get the whole damn thing!
Action Leibniz! says: I was going to say, that sounds awful cheap for a whole island
Action Leibniz! says: Hmm, personal hurricane bunkers
Action Leibniz! says: And missle silos
Action Leibniz! says: This guy has everything!
Giant Enemy Crab says: wow, I was AFK
Giant Enemy Crab says: missle silos?
Giant Enemy Crab says: for real?
Action Leibniz! says: $2.1
Giant Enemy Crab says: SOLD
Action Leibniz! says: Yeah
Giant Enemy Crab says: bwahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping costs to: 83843 – not listed”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: fucking FedEx won’t bring my island to me
Giant Enemy Crab says: what, I gotta go over there??
Action Leibniz! says: He never said I had to do that!
Giant Enemy Crab says: this was not in the item description!
Giant Enemy Crab says: I will leave a negative feedback now!
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: feedback: one negative:
Giant Enemy Crab says: “I had to go to my island! I paid a MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS, WTF MAN??”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: Oh man
Giant Enemy Crab says: I love taht
Giant Enemy Crab says: that*
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping: see description”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it’s an island”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “we regret that we can’t send it anywhere”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it’s pretty much staying right where it is”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “go read a geology textbook”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “or, you know, just go outside now and again”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: Wow, that’s really funny
Action Leibniz! says: “Island Lake Superior”
Action Leibniz! says: It’s like, this is THE island
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: the one you heard so much about
Giant Enemy Crab says: here’s another one
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping: pickup only”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha, really?
Giant Enemy Crab says: why won’t they just let you post “COME ON, THERE IS NO FREAKING WAY THIS IS MOVING FROM WHERE IT CURRENTLY IS LOCATED”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, on the Lake Superior one
Action Leibniz! says: “The beach: words fail to describe it”
Action Leibniz! says: Then there’s a whole paragraph describing it
Giant Enemy Crab says: HAHAHAHA
Giant Enemy Crab says: seriously, I could describe it
Action Leibniz! says: I’ve been to all the beaches, man, and this one is the BEST
Giant Enemy Crab says: “mostly it’s sand, but you’ll notice as you go out there’s more and more water”
Action Leibniz! says: You might notice a point where you can’t breathe anymore. That’s the real deep part of the water
Giant Enemy Crab says: “after a certain point enough water is present that we can safely say the beach has terminated”
Action Leibniz! says: “But that’s not in the auction, you don’t get that, sorry”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, yeah
Action Leibniz! says: He probably has another auction: Lake Superior–everything BUT the island
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you only paid for the island, not the ocean too”
Giant Enemy Crab says: hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: imagine that description
Giant Enemy Crab says: “bargain: we sold some other tard just the island”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “You get the good stuff”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you get fish and water”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “both of which are marketable resources”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “but not to the degree you’re gonna make money”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “let’s not kid ourselves, here”
Action Leibniz! says: “Plus, your property can wash onto theirs in storms and destroy stuff, now how satisfying is THAT? Bid NOW!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you’ll show them”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “some hurricane comes? they’re FUCKED. you, your stuff just gets moved around some”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, that would be the best eBay product ever
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’d totally buy Lake Superior off an online auction
Action Leibniz! says: I wonder how much that would go for
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, they’d cancel my FAFSA loans
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: under assets I’d put “Lake Superior” and they’d be like “one thing this guy does not need is more money”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “what’s he gonna try to buy next, betelguese?”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahahaha
Action Leibniz! says: We need galaxies on eBay next
Giant Enemy Crab says: I would buy that without thinking
Action Leibniz! says: That would be so great
Giant Enemy Crab says: “why can’t you pay your rent again?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “there’s a small planetoid orbiting alpha centauri? preliminary flybys indicate it may be rich in iron deposits?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “oh man, you mock me now, but wait until the interplanetary mining trade takes off”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “I’ll be rich as shit”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Best excuse not to pay rent
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “don’t worry, I’ll pay up later, with interest!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: just as soon as we develop faster than light travel
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, exactly
Giant Enemy Crab says: now that’s planning ahead
Action Leibniz! says: Though technology to do so is probably on eBay somewhere
Action Leibniz! says: “Go faster than the speed of light using our amazing springy shoes!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, I’m gonna sell a perpetual motion machine
Action Leibniz! says: You’d get a complaint, “It stopped moving”
Action Leibniz! says: “You broke it, no refunds”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product matched description: not even! it quit after a few hours! poor seller! F—–“
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: semi-perpetual motion machine
Giant Enemy Crab says: it goes on for a bit then stops
Giant Enemy Crab says: it’d be like a little wheel hanging from a rim
Action Leibniz! says: Those should be marketed, people would fall for it so hard
Action Leibniz! says: “They’re getting closer!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it really works, too!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: science is sure amazing
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: much better feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product matches description: it really did stop after a bit! A+++++++++++++++++”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “We didn’t think it would, but after watching it for about fifteen minutes it really did!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: fifteen minutes?
Giant Enemy Crab says: they spun the wheel REALLY HARD
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, “fzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
Action Leibniz! says: “Best part: the dog brushed against it and it repeated the WHOLE PROCESS! Man, we didn’t think it would stop the second time, but it did!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: (for best results imagine the expression of someone making the above onomotopeia)
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: (slowly decreasing in pitch to simulate deceleration)
Action Leibniz! says: “New: comes with sound effects!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it kinda whirrs a bit”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “review: whirring noise was wrong pitch, but otherwise fine. overall positive experience if you’re willing to make concessions”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “That was NOT a B flat whir”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “tried to tune my violin to it: DIDN’T WORK AT ALL”
Action Leibniz! says: “Warning to other users: do not tune from this”
Giant Enemy Crab says: that’s the guy that bought the island but didn’t get Lake Superior
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: he’s still bitter because of erosion
Giant Enemy Crab says: sore loser, that one
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, oh yes
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh shit, it’s 4 now
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, I bet the really poor decisions will begin any time
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’d better go to bed
Action Leibniz! says: You should
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, I should, too
Giant Enemy Crab says: I was wondering if you ever sleep
Action Leibniz! says: When I get around to it
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, well, talk to you tomorrow
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, okay\
Giant Enemy Crab says: blah, after work
Giant Enemy Crab says: 7 hours is always too long no matter what
Action Leibniz! says: Agreed
Giant Enemy Crab says: then again, I just bid on an island, so I should start saving
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: anyway
Giant Enemy Crab says: おやすみなさい
Action Leibniz! says: Goodnight