I should not be laughing at this, but oh my god, I am.
I am a bad person. I hope she’s okay.
The Chernobyl disaster has always been something that’s been really interesting to me. It’s absolutely terrifying what happened, but the fact that it could have been much worse is even more terrifying.
I’ve heard good things about HBO’s mini-series, but I’ve never really seen one and don’t know how accurate they are. But the trailer is sufficiently terrifying, for sure.
This is the best documentary I’ve seen on it so far:
It was also 0℉ with a wind chill of -19℉ outside today, but I still walked because, much like a salmon that autopilots its way back to where it was hatched in order to lay its own eggs because that’s what it does, I go on autopilot and just do my walk because that’s what I do.
It’s Anytime Fitness time tomorrow.
I am now an official permanent resident of Canada!
It sounds like this means I can do everything that Canadians can do except 1) vote and 2) hold high-level security clearance jobs.
It also means that the next step is applying for citizenship.
HEYOOOOOOO so I’ve mentioned in the past a few times the idea of re-writing Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” to “update” it for current events.
Well, I just turned 30, so I figured why not try to re-write it so that it covers the past 30 years?
So I gave it a shot. A few things worth noting:
- Joel had 40 years’ worth of stuff in his song; I have 30. Does that make a difference? Dunno.
- The biggest, most impactful event in Joel’s original timeline (at least as far as the song is structured) is JFK’s assassination (“JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say?”). The biggest, most impactful event in my timeline is definitely 9/11. Unfortunately, it does not fit into the song’s timeline very nicely. It’s a whole verse before the JFK line and the way the verses are structured (I tried to give each verse a set number of years), it kind of just falls in the middle of one of them. So not as good.
- Did I miss some major events? Surely. I tried to get a decent variety, but I suspect I missed a few things that would be obvious to include for other people.
- I tried to stay true to his cadence for all of the lines, but a decent number of mine are different than the original.
- This version absolutely sucks compared to the original.
OKAY, HERE WE GO. And as if it needs to be said, this is sung to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
Berlin Wall, Gorbachev, Syringe Tide, World Wide Web
Roger Rabbit, Cold War, Freddie Mercury
Reno, Nafta, Rodney King, World Trade Center Bombing
NAFTA, Exxon, Windows, united Germany
Chunnel, Hubble, Desert Storm, war on drugs, Morris Worm
Seinfeld, Waco siege, Space Shuttle Discovery
Friends, Game Boy, dino “Sue,” Hurricane Andrew
Clarence Thomas, GPS, a fatwa for Rushdie
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it
O.J. Simpson, Amazon, Oklahoma City Bomb
Hale-Bopp, boy band pop, Dolly the sheep
Harry Potter, Princess Di, Toy Story, Columbine
Napster, Euro, Ted Kaczynski
ExxonMobil, Sarajevo, Mark McGwire, Galileo
Nunavut, Albright, Titanic, baseball strike,
AOL, Deep Blue, Mad Cow, Google
Bill Gates, Y2K, Clinton and Lewinsky
Bush beats Gore, hanging chads, iPods are the new fad
Airplanes hijacked, 9/11 attacks
War on Terror, Taliban, U.S. invades Afghanistan
Homeland, anthrax, and the Patriot Act
Iraq War, Saddam Hussein, Stock exchange, Bush again
Columbia, protests, North Korea nuke test,
SARS, Mir, YouTube, Muhammed, Pluto,
Facebook, Wikipedia, Hurricane Katrina
Michael Jackson, Avatar, Large Hadron Collider
H1N1, Sully on the Hudson
Mars Curiosity, Europe gets some record heat
Arab Spring, Bin Laden, Flash Crash, Horizon
Bitcoin, iPhone, exoplanets, Eurozone
Obama, WikiLeaks, Occupy Wall St.
Sandy Hook, Michael Brown, Baumgartner faster than sound
Water crisis down in Flint, Donald Trump is president
Higgs Boson, CharlieHebdo, Martian liquid H20
Putin, Snowden, Zika virus, Cubs win
ISIS, Brexit, Harambe, Queen’s Diamond Jubilee
Ebola, eclipse, Vegas shooting, Space X
Record-breaking hurricanes, government shutdown again
Anti-vaxxers, climate change, the whole world has gone insane
Today was a garbage bag of a day, but LET’S NOT FOCUS ON THAT, shall we?
I turned 30 years old today, which is pretty wild. Never thought I’d make it. I certainly don’t feel 30…I feel like I’m in my early 20s physically (except for the damn legs) and probably in my mid-20s mentally. Though I still sometimes start my age with a “1” when entering into form fields, which is kinda weird.
I also realized that I have my entire 20s logged in this blog, which is pretty badass. My 20s were pretty eventful.
Then again, I bet most peoples’ 20s are.
Here’s to being old and useless, I guess.
YAY, Nenshi got elected as Mayor again. Badass.
I was worried Calgary would pull a “U.S. Voters” move on themselves and have more people voting for Nenshi’s opponent than the polls had suggested, but that wasn’t the case.
Too bad I couldn’t have voted.
Heeeeeeeey, so just like every other human being in North America today, let’s obsess about the eclipse!
I can’t report too much. Calgary was at like 80% coverage, but the sun being the sun, you couldn’t really tell too much. It got dim, but it certainly didn’t get dark.
I did risk the life of my phone camera, though, to bring you this:
There’s that 80%!
The good news for Calgary? The total solar eclipse on August 22, 2044, will pass right through Alberta. Assuming it’s not cloudy (and we’re still living in the same place), Nate and I will have a balcony view of it. Pretty snazzy!
Holy crap, we felt that Montana earthquake way up here!
Well, it sounds like some of us did, at least, according to r/Calgary.
I felt it.
I was sitting at my desk when I felt this very faint little tremble. At first I thought it was just the people downstairs and their freakishly loud/vibrating bathroom fan. Or a large truck in the parking lot. But the shaking was a little bit different than anything I’d felt before. I also noticed that the floor lamp next to the desk swayed ever so slightly for a few seconds.
I thought it felt like an earthquake tremor, even though I’d never felt one before.
But I didn’t think of it being from an earthquake so far away. In fact, I just Googled “Calgary earthquake” and “Alberta earthquake” about 10 minutes after it stopped to see if there had been any reports of a local earthquake.
Then I checked Facebook a few minutes later and noticed that one of my Moscow friends posted about feeling a tremor around that same time as well, which seemed really weird to me until I learned there was actually that big earthquake in Montana.
First time feeling earthquake tremors!
An Ode to Garbage Weather and My Recently Deceased Umbrella
(to the tune of this part of the Pirates of the Caribbean music)
What in the fuck
is all this rain
It’s like it’s GODDAMN VANCOUVER
I’m not a duck
I hate the wet
I just want to be dry.
I should get home
but I cannot
Cause I just LOST MY UMBRELLA
It caught the wind
It flew away
It’s gone forever, goodbye.
I mentioned this to Nate a while back, but I figured I’d put it on here, too, just so that I’d maybe actually follow through with it.
I’m going to be 30 next year, which is…weird.* But anyway, I thought it would be kind of a cool thing to take Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire and re-write it so that it covers the events of the last 30 years. Partially because the original song covers about 40 years and I don’t want to wait another decade, and partially because I’d like the challenge of rhyming “fuck, we elected Trump” with something.
So yeah, I’m going to try to do that by this time next year! Hopefully we won’t get Trump’d in the meantime.
*It’s not bad, just weird. I don’t mind the idea of aging, I just don’t feel like I’ve lived for almost 3 decades. I feel like I’m still 19 or something.
I had Trump’s victory speech on mute last night because I was trying not to flip out, but apparently it wasn’t the awful “I’m your dictator now, burn Hillary, burn the immigrants, launch nukes at Australia because an Aussie called me a bad name in a Tweet” type of speech that I was expecting.
And I know it’s not much, and I know it probably means absolutely nothing in the long run, but for now, I’m going to cling to that as a possible beacon of hope that this presidency isn’t going to be the train wreck that we all suspect.
Edit: NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope NOPE nope
An accurate representation of what I was like as this calamity of a Presidential election unfolded:
Seriously though. I honestly didn’t think Trump had a chance in hell, and now it’s like 2 AM and he’s giving his little victory speech and I’m literally shaking.
What the hell is wrong with the United States?
(Sorry I don’t have more of a reaction. I’m just…shocked.)
ABSENTEE BALLOT, BITCHES!!
I know I can’t post a picture of the actual filled-out ballot, but surely this is okay, right?
Just doing my part in a very important election. Even though my vote won’t count because Idaho.
We got our official wedding pictures yesterday, so for those of you who aren’t on Facebook, have some pics of Nate and me getting married! (I didn’t include any with his family, ’cause I didn’t know if they’d feel comfortable being on some random blog.)
Guess who just got married?!
(Technically I’m writing this on the 1st, since I didn’t want to spend our wedding night blogging, but I’m totally counting it as my July 31st blog post. Fight me.)
It was a very wonderful day. The weather was being iffy, so we decided to just have the ceremony at the hotel rather than at the park as originally planned, but I think it was better this way. No hauling families to and from the park, no burning sun and/or thunderous storms, no people wandering through the ceremony while playing Pokemon Go.
The ceremony itself was awesome. My dad was super nervous walking me down the aisle, but he managed my veil without incident and didn’t pass out. Yay for dad!
The reception was nice, too. We had really good sorbet and super chocolatey wedding cake, then got a bunch of cool presents (and a whole ton of money).
Then Nate and I spent the night at the Kensington Riverside Inn, courtesy of my mom. It was super fancy.
I can’t believe how lucky I am to be married to such an amazing person. We are just right for each other, and I’m excited about spending the rest of our lives together.
(Wedding pictures will be posted on here once we get them from the photographer.)
It’s Storm ‘n Hail time up here in Calgary! Don’t believe me? Check out these pictures/videos taken last Tuesday when a huge storm barreled through the southern part of the city.
I love that picture of the lightning behind the Calgary Tower.
I also love that #ABstorm is a hashtag, and one that gets used quite frequently at that.
Dude, how cool would that be if the Olympics came back to Calgary? And 2026 is a good year: it’ll be my 20th blogging anniversary year!
Seriously, though. The city already has most of the equipment and facilities for the winter Olympics; they’d likely need some updating/renovation, of course, but still. It’d be pretty cool if the city agreed to bid and we actually won.
CALGARY WINTER OLYMPICS 2026!