Me @ 7:30 AM: I am SO PUMPED TODAY, I’m going to be SUPER PRODUCTIVE and get everything done!
Me @ 9:30 AM: Oh crap, gotta take my med.
Me @ 10:45 AM: Woah, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.
Me @ 11:00 AM: I will start stabbing people if I don’t get to go to sleep NOW.
Me @ 11:15 AM: Supervisor, I cannot stay awake. Please let me go home.
Me @ 12:00 PM: [sleep]
Me @ 2:00 PM: [still sleep]
Me @ 4:00 PM: [more sleep]
Me @ 5:15 PM: [finally woken up by my mom]
So yeah. Screw you, Saphris. I have no idea how people take this med TWICE a day and function. But then again, I’m super sensitive to side effects like super sedation.
Side note: Super Sedation would be a fantastically worthless superhero.
I can’t pretend that there’s nothing wrong anymore. And it sucks.
Sorry these blogs have been really, really crappy as of late. My mind is…well, gone.
Okay, so barring anymore interference from Mother Nature, TODAY is my last day in Moscow.
Sorry for not scheduling a hang-out time with more of you sillies; things have been semi chaotic since I got back from London and I pretty much had to unpack my stuff rapidly and then just as rapidly repack it.
Also my brain has been alsfajfoijgavhaioewr for the past few months and I’ve been having weird and random panic attack thingies. Would rather not subject my awesome friends to that.
Moscow and I are pretty much opposite magnetic poles; I will be returning at some point. I’m actually not sure how long I’ll need to be in AZ anyway.
PEACE OUT, I’m going to go watch Boston Legal until I have to drive to Lewiston in a few hours.
Okay, now I’m 95% sure I won’t be in Moscow for much longer. Like I said before (I think), there’s a person down in AZ who seems imminently more qualified to help with the bag of craptastic crappery into which my life currently has fallen.
(Side note: nighttime panic attacks blow heavy metal chunks)
(Side note II: Big Compy has been making horrible grinding noises ever since they shipped him from London. Quite disconcerting)
Anyway. Just letting anyone who cares know.
So. Because every doctor in Moscow is a member of the Incompetent Physicians of America Association, I may not be in Moscow for much longer. I’ve got some shit going on and my mom found a doctor down in Arizona that seems to be exponentially better than the culmination of all the doctors in Moscow (can you tell I haven’t had any great experiences with doctors in this town?).
So yeah. Just letting anyone who cares know.
OH, and assuming I stay here (it’s probably 50/50 right now, so who knows), perhaps we can all do something over Thanksgiving break. Matt, I know you read this…do you get a few days off for Thanksgiving and are you going anywhere during that week? Maggie (if you read this), are you going anywhere? If you’re all around (and I am too, haha) we should totally get together and have a little Thanksgiving party. Tasty foods, Rock Band, silliness in the basement…all that jazz.
Also, I want everything from this Etsy shop.
Since I guess anyone who reads this with any seriousness might care (and apparently didn’t see my Facebook post about it this morning), I’ve made the decision to withdraw from UWO for the time being (well, technically forever, as I’d have to reapply to get back in, but that’s for another time perhaps). Without going into too much detail (or much at all…HA! Mysterious!), I’ve got some health issues going on that make going to school at the moment fairly impossible.
Why not get some form of treatment for it up here, then? Well, in order to qualify for any sort of medical coverage, I have to be enrolled in school. In order to be enrolled in school, I have to be successful in my classes, meaning I have to have the ability to concentrate on them enough to rock them. Because of said current health issues, I’m really not able to place much concentration on classes at all, and therefore “rocking them” is something that cannot be currently done. So I can’t really stay enrolled and thus can’t get healthcare (or anything else) up here.
So I’m going back to Moscow to find a doctor and hopefully will feel better soon enough to continue to go to school, ‘cause I dig school and don’t want to quit because of stupid health crap.
So judge me, call me stupid, weak, pathetic, whatever, I don’t care. Sometimes things need to be done.
30-Day Meme – Day 20: A hobby of yours.
Haha, can I say blogging? Blogging is so totally a hobby of mine. Though I guess I can say an equally prominent hobby in my life is doing statistics for fun. I really, really like running analyses on sets of data. I love to predict outcomes, I love to plot statistical results and trends, and I freaking LOVE interpreting said results and trends. Recreational stats FTW!
That was an interesting night/morning/afternoon.
I, uh…don’t feel much like talking about it.
Med switch! Now I’m hardly sleeping at all and, when I do, my dreams read like an instruction book. Like last night I dreamt about whether or not to buy a KitchenAid mixer in a very factual manner. It was…weird.
Haha, sorry, it’s just that my dreams are usually fairly nonlinear and this was like a debate meet.
Today’s song: Take Me Over by Cut Copy
I need help, but I’m too afraid to get it.
Also, it’s just my luck to move my blogs and then have nothing interesting to talk about.
Today’s song: Highland Cathedral by The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
God, my brain’s been doing some weird crap lately. I’d like to call some of it déjà vu, but I don’t think that’s what it is. It’s like I get in this weird headspace and the rest of reality kind of pulls away.
That’s not it either, but it’s closer.
I think I’m losing my mind. Just for the record.
Today’s song: Yours by Dan Black
I FEEL LIKE CRAP, I HATE THESE PILLS.
My eyes hurt and I feel like I’m in some weird psycheadelic dream. And as fun as that sounds, it really actually sucks.
Have you ever had a panic attack?
Have you ever had multiple panic attacks in a row?
Yeah. That’s fun.
Tonight I stood (or was curled up in the fetal position, rather) on the steps leading to the Statistics department for quite some time, due to the fact that I couldn’t really move. Or breathe, really. I have a big stats test tomorrow at 10, and I’m really, really freaking out over it, obviously. I’ve never felt so hopeless and utterly afraid in my life.
I need a miracle tomorrow, seriously. This 4.0 is desperately needed.
I’m apologizing to you all. Some of you, I’m apologizing to for things I’ve already done, the rest of you, I’m apologizing for things that I may do in the coming few weeks. Here’s why:
As you all have read (hopefully), a while back I blogged about how much I’ve changed since getting off the meds…how my outlook on life has changed, how my attitudes have changed, all that good stuff. Well, since the “I stared academic failure in the face” incident with my stat 401 test, I’ve been really, really stressed out. Unfortunately, I’ve found myself reverting to my old coping mechanisms and my old frame of mind. And if you knew me at all prior to last December, you know how bad I was.
I’m just scared as hell that I’m reverting back to my old self. I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT, I really, really don’t. So if I’m bitchy, if I snap at you, if I’m self depreciating (I mean, worse than I have been in the past few months), if I’m depressing to be around, it’s because I’m stressed and because I’m so damn afraid of going back to what I was. ‘Cause honestly, if I go back to that after these five or so months of being so much better, I really don’t know what I’m going to do…
So if you guys could be understanding till finals are over, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.