HAHAHA, oh my god.
“Put ‘em in the Fun Pit.”
“Go back to Thanos. See what he’s up to. Oh, he’s playin’ football!”
I like to think this is how they storyboarded Infinity War.
Read the title.
You: “A trucking simulator? Really?”
You: “But that sounds boring.”
Me: “SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY SCANIA”
It’s very fun. Very relaxing. I delivered beets to Kiel. I only crashed into a few cars. Europe has too many roundabouts.
Have a video! Not mine, obviously.
Super fun, seriously.
Edit: SCREW YOU AND YOUR BACKWARDS WAYS, ENGLAND! SCREW YOU SCREW YOU SCREW YOU
OH GOD I DOWNLOADED THE SIMS 3.
I haven’t played it since 2012, I’m pretty sure. But I got the urge to play it again the other day and magically remembered my old Origin username and password so that I didn’t have to buy a new copy.
(Like that would have deterred me.)
TIME TO MAKE A FAMILY!
Update: I made a dude named Dominic. He’s got a crap job and no money ($14 as of my writing this) and a house that contains the bare minimum furniture to keep him alive and somewhat happy.
Update 2: HE GOT FREAKING ROBBED. The robber stole his fridge. Seriously? The dude was so desperate for a fridge that he broke into the crappiest house in the neighborhood and made off with the crappiest fridge that had no food in stock? Why didn’t the robber steal Dominic’s last $14 to go on a McDonald’s binge or something?
Update 3: Oh good, the cops recovered the fridge. THANK GOD, THAT WAS ALMOST TRAGIC.
Update 4: Dominic was super lonely (he’s a social Sim), so I made him a roommate named Leon The Lion to keep him company.
Update 5: Aww, they’re in love now!
Update 6: Leon proposed! Time to plan a wedding. Unfortunately, Dominic wants a lot of people at the wedding, and as of right now him and Mr. The Lion are the only two Sims in the neighborhood. Time to build friends!
(Further updates to follow, most likely.)
So today I’m going to talk about this game:
This is the opening screen from Cosmic Osmo and the Worlds Beyond the Mackerel. It’s almost as old as I am (published in 1989) and is pretty much the only non-shooter game I grew up with (unless you count Spin Doctor as well).
Says Wiki: “There is no goal, no system of scoring points, and nothing that the player can keep in an inventory. A player can be said to have “finished” the game if they’ve explored every area and found every secret, but the game gives no feedback to indicate whether this has happened. Although this is unconventional, it allows finding new secrets to be a genuine surprise, while avoiding the frustration of endlessly searching the game for the last secret to achieve 100% completion.”
And it’s a big game, especially for 1989. And look at these awesome black and white screenshots:
You can buy Cosmic Osmo on Steam (for pretty cheap, I think). I totally recommend it.
And happy birthday, Matt!
Muse. This video is surreal.
Half-Life. Even when condensed to 60 seconds.
Fallout 3. Because you should have just given him the sweet roll (probably only funny ‘cause I played it, but whatev).
Sorry. Not feeling very well and am also in a gaming mood.
Today’s song: My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas (shut up.)
So I chose this perk called “Black Widow” for my new character. This perk unlocks special dialogue choices with male NPCs. I met up with this rather crazy lady who wanted me to go get her 30 Nuka-Cola Quantums. So I oblige, but before I can leave her wannabe “boyfriend” tells me to quit messing with his girl (does he assume I’m a lesbian?) and gives me the option of getting him the 30 Quantums so that she will “do the horizontal bop” with him. Things obviously aren’t too different in Post-Apocalyptia.
Well anyway, one of my dialogue choices is to tell him that if he gets me some Quantum, I’ll have a threesome with him and his girl. He goes for it, and he happily runs off with his little shotgun to the Nuka-Cola Factory. Within thirty feet he’s crippled by a Radscorpion and dies a few minutes later after he tries to punch a Mr. Gutsy to death. It was hilarious. I tried to get him to stop, but he says, “lemme go, beautiful…I’m gonna go get us some Quantum!”
I really enjoy this game. It’s awesome. It’s as if Leibniz were Xbox 360 compatible, that’s how awesome it is.
OH GOD IT’S ANOTHER LIST WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED
Hi people. Today I shall provide you with (gasp!) a list of my favorite games of all time. I’ve been gaming a lot lately, due to the fact that school has yet to begin up here.
I grew up on this game, so it has become part of my soul. This is one of those retro early ‘90s FPSs with no story and horrible (read: awesome) graphics. I was so damn good at this game when I was a kid.
Rock Band/Rock Band II
This game is for crazy people like Sean and myself who take it way too seriously. This game is for all college students who, despite having way too much to study for, are able to somehow play in a fake band for 4 hours straight every Monday-Saturday. In other words, this game is awesome.
The most recent addition to this list, Fallout 3 is half FPS, half RPG, and it is for those reasons that I love it. It’s also got a lot of humor (threesome offers from soda enthusiasts and love letters from people who want to blow up your city, anyone?) and there are a lot of different ways to “make” your character. Awesome.
Oh, and Button.
OH GOD RETRO! Another of those early ‘90s/late ‘80s games, Cosmic Osmo is a Mac (Macintosh, back then, I guess, eh?) game that’s entirely in black and white, which allowed for the world to be HUGE, especially for back in those days. Totally a kid’s game, totally awesome. It’s really hard to find now; apparently eBay copies are selling for like $300. It also can’t be played on Macs nowadays, which blows.
The Sims 1 and 2
The Sims is great. I always made my Sims as replicates of people I knew in real life, then I married people that I thought would go well together, and sometimes I would kill my enemies. Then I got a metric ton of mods and my Sims became orange, giant babies, 500-pound fat guys, skeletons, floating torsos, and were able to have ridiculous amounts of children (FOUR HUNDRED BABIES!). Fun times.
Gordon Freeman is like the Chuck Norris of video games. Alternate univerise alien creatures show up, Gordon’s all, “not in MY research facility, bitches!” Then he whips out his crowbar and weilds it in a way only an MIT graduate could. I wonder how bad his PTSD was after this incident? Like, every time someone mentioned the word “rotors,” did he start spazzing and chucking crowbars at fellow scientists?
That would be a great alternate sequel. “Half-Life 2: Mental Breakdown.”
So have you ever seen a game made entirely out of clay? Well then you’ve obviously never played this. It’s sort of a puzzle game, in which you play Klayman, a clay dude (durh) who has to somehow get the true king Hoborg’s crown back from the evil Klogg. The music is rad, and the little touches this game has make it awesome.
Gears of War
Because “I ON DA COLE TRAIN!” is the best thing to shout in any situation. And because I like shooters.
I guess I have to concede and say that he was right on this one: Portal is an amazing game. Play it. It’s incredibly funny. It’s also a very spatial game, so that makes it even cooler.
I can also see why Sean wants to marry GLADoS.
And the Aperture Science vs. Black Mesa presentation slides going on in one of the rooms makes me happy.
So today Aaron and I were playing Guardian on Gears of War. I was Cole, as usual (of course). His character is usually really talkative, but for some reason he was unusually quiet today. So I go, “you okay, Cole Train?” And INSTANTLY he goes “Good to go!”
It was AWESOME.
I love how now that I have formed a special bond with Cole, the actual train that runs through Tyro Station (one of the maps on which Aaron and I always play Horde or Guardian) always mows over the Locust when they’re chasing me and always seems to pass through when they’re about to kill me from across the tracks.
It’s freaking great, I love this game.
Hahaha, oh GOD, what have I done?
Now I know about twelve people who now love to shout “I ON DA COLE TRAIN!!” whenever I see them.
This needs to become an internet phenomenon. It NEEDS to.
Do whatever you can.
Today Sean was playing Fable and, for some reason or another, I attached myself to the random chickens wandering around in the game, and then decided that god is a chicken.
Along the way we also decided:
– Jesus’ favorite music is Bach
– Good chickens go to heaven, bad chickens go to KFC
– Heaven is poultry paradise
– This is proof that god is a chick
And then I go, “I’m a chicken prophet,” and Sean says, “Isn’t that what KFC makes?”
Yeah, it was a weird day.
This was my childhood game, The Neverhood. My friend George and I repeated this part like 40 times in a row.