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Blameworthiness and the Anonymous Judge: An Analysis of FML Categories

Introduction
The website Fmylife was created on January 13, 2008 and serves as a blog for people to post anecdotes relating to unfortunate goings on (either by their doing or others’) in their lives. The stories that are published allow readers of the blog to essentially assess the placement of blame for each anecdote. As Wiki so succinctly puts it, “anybody who visits the site can decide if the writer of each anecdote’s life indeed “sucks” [‘fuck your life’ or ‘FYL’] or if he or she “deserved” what happened [‘you deserved it’ or ‘YDI’].”
The FML posts belong to one of seven categories: Love, Money, Kids, Work, Health, Miscellaneous, and Intimacy.

Party on.

Anyway, me being me, I wanted to see if people rating the FMLs rated them differently (FYL vs. YDI) depending on the category of the FML. That is, I wanted to see whether people assigned blame (quantified by the number of YDIs voted) to the anecdote poster differently depending on what category the FML belonged to.

Hypotheses:
a) People would assign blame to the poster more readily when the anecdote belonged to more “personal” or “individual” category (Money and Health, maybe Miscellaneous).
b) People would be more willing to say FYL to the poster if the anecdote is from a category that involved other individuals (Love or Kids or Work).

Methods/Procedure
Utilizing the “random FML” button, I acquired a random sample of 30 FMLs per each category, save the Intimacy category (‘cause FMLs from that category are not included in the random search). I noted the number of FYLs and the number of YDIs for each anecdote and then computed a paired t-test comparison of mean differences for each category.

H0: µFYL =  µYDI for all categories. This means that there is no significant difference between the mean number of FYLs and the mean number of YDIs, regardless of the category.

Ha: µFYL <  µYDI for Money and Health categories (meaning most people would assign blame to the poster) and µFYL >  µYDI for Love, Kids, and Work categories (meaning most people would NOT assign blame to the poster).

Analyses were done in R. All t-tests were performed under the assumption of unequal variances, as was indicated by the Levene Tests for each group (performed using the lawstat package in R).

Results
Love: t(29) = 5.04, p < 0.0001*
Money: t(29) = 1.76, p = 0.09
Kids: t(29) = 4.24, p = 0.0002*
Work: t(29) = 3.85, p = 0.0005*
Health: t(29) = 1.601, p = 0.06
Miscellaneous: t(29) = 0.922, p = 0.3641
*significant at the 0.05 level

Conclusion/Discussion
So what does this mean?

While the results were statistically insignificant for one “individual-based” groups Money and Health (and Miscellaneous, but I didn’t have any specific hypotheses regarding that category), my second hypothesis received statistical support!
That is, at the 0.05 level of significance, significantly fewer readers place blame on the individual FML poster in the categories of Love, Kids, and Work—categories that were deemed by me to be those that involved the actions of others more than just the action of the individual poster.

So I guess we can very loosely conclude based on my oh-so-scientific way of categorizing the categories (haha) that people who vote on Fmylife tend to assign blame more readily to the individual poster when said poster’s anecdote belongs to a category that includes more individual-based actions than when the anecdote belongs to a category that includes the actions of others.

YAY STATS!

30-Day Meme – Day 5: Your favorite quote.
I’m not much of a quote person, but I still really like the quote I used in my senior yearbook: “become who you are,” as said by Friedrich Nietzsche. It’s such a simple quote and kind of sums up what I think life is all about.

Haha, I don’t have much more to say about today’s meme entry.

Hindsight also has a great sense of humor

HAHAHA, so I turned on old Vaio this afternoon and got my old MSN Messenger archives off of him. Freaking hilarious. Thus I must bombard you with random quotes.

My logic is bad for my health

Ten fingers, one brain. It’s tough sometimes.

Love is a buffalo sentence

Haha, dude, you don’t need to apologize for not being fat

Would I date this crap?

“And how is this a teen pressure?” “Teens want tasty things”

Relaxing is a pretty foreign activity for me

At the moment, the fact that I can coherent sentences is an amazing feat
Hahahaha, wow

God I hate triangles
This one’s all, “resistance is futile, I’m an isosceles!”
You know why we don’t have any triangular states? ‘Cause they’d be COMMUNIST

North Dakota’s a rectangle, dude

West Virginia: The paralellowhatthefuckgram-shaped state

How many dimensions does my cube have?

Your voice is not puke-colored, don’t worry

Screw you, NASA! I invented the moon

I like to think Dr. Pepper and Sergeant Pepper are brothers or something

Holy crap, Newton has a temperature scale named after him?
Bastard did everything

Quine is impossible to comprehend
He’s like “and here we have the Web of Belief, which works like FARTFARTFARTFARTFART, I’m a genius, the end.”

I’m going to get a PhD in “screw this, I’m going to play Quake”

Sean had to tell me his tales of being Sean

1. Don’t ask me stupid questions 2. Don’t touch me

If you pass out on the orgy couch, bad things will happen

Oh you know I love Leibniz. I WILL MAKE HIM MY COOKIE

YOU CAN TELL I’M RIGHT BECAUSE I FOUND MY CAPS LOCK KEY AND DEPRESSED IT ONCE

I know where the spatulas belong

Sean dissected his electric razor and we shaved a newspaper

Fun fact: Lanky’s height draws the mean height of the house above the rest of us, how sad is that?

 

Fun times.

 

Today’s song: Let the Bass Kick in Miami Bitch by Chuckie and LMFAO

p-values have nothing to do with the worth of your urine

There wasn’t much of interest today in my actual life, so I bring you…THE INTERNET!

There’s something exceedingly intriguing about this, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what. The comments are pretty great as well. This also seems to last for a lot longer than 1:50.

 

Another wonderful quote from bash.org.

BigPigPeaches: So my GF and I are watching “The Empire Strikes Back” last night. Let me say that this is possibly my favorite movie of all time.
BigPigPeaches: But suddenly I consider: we have always thought of R2D2 as a light-hearted comic relief type of droid. With his tweets, chirps, raspberries, and whoops, how could he be anything other than cute?
BigPigPeaches: But what if people were misunderstanding what he is actually saying? What if he could be accurately translated? And what if he were saying things that weren’t cute at all?
BigPigPeaches: (The scene where Luke and R2D2 are leaving Hoth in Luke’s x-wing)
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Hey, assclamp, where the hell are you hauling me?
BigPigPeaches: Luke: There’s nothing wrong, Artoo, I’m just setting a new course.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Oh, goodie. Are we going to see your dad? Cause you know he’s Darth Vader, right? I mean, you know that, otherwise you’re even more of a dumbass than I thought.
BigPigPeaches: Luke: We’re not going to regroup with the others.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: That’s probably because they know what they’re doing, and you don’t.
BigPigPeaches: Luke: We’re going to the Dagobah system.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: The Bagadouche system? What an appropriate destination for a douchebag such as yourself. Are you sure you don’t want me to fly? Cause I’ll bet you’re going to crash us into some godforsaken swampy bog, you mindless pube.
BigPigPeaches: (Later on in Cloud City, during the escape scene)
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Artoo! Where have you been?
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Listen, you bronzed dildo, I’ve been dicking around in a frigging swamp for the better part of two weeks while some wannabe wizard has been taking advice from an ancient lizard. I got slime in my droid genitals, a bad yeast infection, and I’m not in the mood for your prissy shit, so put a metal cork in it, buttnozzle.
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Well at least you’re still in one piece, look what happened to me!
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Yeah yeah yeah, you got blasted to shit, they should have left your ass in that scrap heap. You have contributed absolutely nothing useful to this point. By the way, how is it that you’re even more of a whiny bitch than you were in the first three movies? I thought they wiped your frigging memory.
BigPigPeaches: Do they have some sort of universal “BitchBot” app that they keep putting in your lame ass? Bitch.
BigPigPeaches: (while trying to unlock the landing platform door)
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Artoo, you can tell the computer to override the security system!
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Oh, thanks for reminding me, you pretentious fuckstick. Do you know what else I can do? I can FRIGGING FLY! George Lucas said so! But that didn’t stop me from falling into an effing swamp on that Bagadouche planet. By the way, did you know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father? Cause I DO!
BigPigPeaches: Oh, look, I got fried by a goddamn computer terminal. Thanks, dickweed.
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Don’t blame me. I’m an interpreter. I’m not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: You’re supposed to know your droid ass from a hole in the ground, but you don’t. Jesus, I should have left your sorry ass on that ship, you sphincter. Just wait till I get to use my little welding thingy on your droid scrote. I hate you and all these miserable bastards. Where’s my Oscar?

 

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello Omegle stranger
You: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEGLE!!!
You: zoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoom
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am Gordon Freeman, fear my crowbar!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you justin bieber?
You: Do you want me to be?
Your conversational partner has disconnected

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you a furry?
You: Do you want me to be?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

Today’s song: Nara by E. S. Posthumus

Protected: When life gives you gators, make Gatorade

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More IRC! More IRC!!!!

These are fun.
TECC:  |:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|
TECC:  oops, soz.  wrong window.
Fuhrur:  why in the fuck would you type that to anyone?

Kaltorak: every 7 out of 6 days is a bad day for my typing skils.
Kaltorak: oh my god.

limi: does anybody know where the Table of Contents generator is, to save me of the embarrasment of talking to a virtual paper clip?

jsCLASS: lets talk about my johnson
Mercster: small talk, eh?
jsCLASS: fuck
jsCLASS: owned

Merlin: Good news, in case you were worried that Rodney King was done entertaining us, he got drunk and plowed his SUV into a house at 100 mph
sComps: christ.. dead?
Merlin: yes, Christ is dead, but thats 2,000 year old news.  King just has a broken pelvis

nyetwerk: why is it that they always make the stupidest person on a project team be the leader?
DocRadium: what are you in charge of now?

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.

LuciferOmega: STEPHEN HAWKING’S PRO WHEELCHAIR 2!

punchcard_w0rk: i think i will form a computer addiction recovery group.
punchcard_w0rk: call it “users no longer enslaved to electronic technology”
punchcard_w0rk: or UnLeet

Kupo: man
Kupo: Firefox can fuck itself
DarknessTear: It can? So THAT’s what the Firefox logo is doing.

hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes “see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?”
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P

magothy: is there an irish expression for hangover?
tReMeR: morning

rock: hey
Capn_Panic: hey
Shockster: hey
Capn_Panic: it’s fat albert!

tumnus: i just set my clock the easiest way ever
tumnus: i waited until it was midnight then i plugged it in and left it

Xetrov`: im gonna go try out this “physical activity” shit i keep hearing about

mh_: str8 up mf i was afkin 4 a sec & that mutha goes all stfu on me
mh_: wtf? 4 nothin at all
* harm consults Oxford’s Non-Abridged Gangsta Abbreviations Explicator
mh_: gtof
* harm consults harder

Robohunk: A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, “I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm.”
Robohunk: The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words “Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!” over and over.

 * Nastard is now known as fuck
damn: what kind of nick is that?
fuck: if i know

Silvercrush: I craved a little man in woodshop today
Silvercrush: omg… carved :(

DocGonzo: i need to shoot myself in the face… i accidentally typed “the” instead of “teh”, so i backspaced and fixed it

aspuffnstuff: The third one looks like something they used in Star Wards
aspuffnstuff: *Wars
alykat: lol “star wards”
alykat: an epic about a hospital set in space
alykat: “use the forceps, luke”
volcanogirl: come.. to the bed pan. the bed pan!
aspuffnstuff: OBGYN kenobi!

Vod: that sentence is even more screwed up than even mine usual are

(Mutiny) Atarax: you ate a americum disk from a smoke detector?
(Atarax) Mutiny: yeah
(Mutiny) Atarax: why?
(Atarax) Mutiny: I thought it would give me special powers.
(Mutiny) Atarax: what did it do to you?
(Atarax) Mutiny: well, it didn’t give me any special powers, but it didn’t kill me either
(Atarax) Darwin must be spinning in his grave
(Atarax) “why is that fuck still alive”

Et tu, MySpace?

I’m sorry. I love these.

yalborap: So there’re these ‘don’t start forest fires’ commercials telling me to get my smokey on. And all I can think is “If an anthromorphic bear in a pair of jeans and one of those ranger hats comes up and tells me not to set stuff on fire, I probably already did”.

XenThra: I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I’m terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
DevXen: Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

Wind-X: and penis butter and jelly make a good sandwich

Bobby20: I had this really weird dream once that I dropped my penis in the shower and I couldn’t get it to go back on

`BuM: why is it that, no matter how much you pee into the toilet it never fills up?

!Lun_e: ill just sit here and eat my Kice Rispy Paralellogram.

concubine: NO CAPSLOCK! I AM UKRAINE

smcn: one of these days
smcn: i’m going to hunt down and kill whoever invented emoticons
smcn: then i’m going to look at him and go :=D

polaris: haha… mozilla rocks… I accidently clicked on horse pron on stileproject and it crashed before displaying it

Kacey: if I wsa president, I would change the “In God We Trust” to “In Goats We Thrust”

(DigDug) i’m really glad that my penis doesn’t have an odometer

Mass: hey does anyone know what the song name is by Frankie Lymon that goes Uhhh uhh uh uh uhahhhhh uhh uhh uh

orion`-`-: what the fuck
orion`-`-: i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
orion`-`-: brbrb

hypr: MY MOM WONT LET M,E WEAR HEADPHONES CAUSE SHE THINKS THEY WILL GIVE ME CANCER OR A BRAIN TUMOR
hypr: she like sneaks up behind me and takes them off and says she will break them if she sees em on me again
hypr: :(
[cut]: schwtzngr: IT’S NOT A TUMOR! (this is super funny if you’ve seen the Arnold clip).

Inoshiro: Wth
Inoshiro: “Don’t iron, don’t put in a triangle, don’t put in an oval”
harb: Er?
Inoshiro: Is there a translation table for the washing tag on clothing?

DigiGnome: Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
DigiGnome: I need my socks.

goltrpoat: ‘britney spears’ is an anagram for ‘presbyterians.’

Sharkey: The rain in spain falls mainly on the spaniards.

]km[cugar: i tried to make hammer pants out of garbage bags

gaspumpXP: Man… what kind of RPG is this?  It won’t let me rape the sheep…

Boredom, Blogging, and IRC

These rock.

 

PhoenixTalion:  Apparently some museum did a Salvador Dali exhibit a while back
PhoenixTalion:  and after it was up for like, a month, it came out that half of the paintings were fakes!
BSoDomy:  oh snap
PhoenixTalion:  And at first I was all, damn. Shouldn’t someone have caught on to that right away?
PhoenixTalion:  Then I realized, it wasn’t that big a surprise
PhoenixTalion:  After all,
PhoenixTalion:  NO ONE INSPECTS THE SPANISH EXPOSITION

vrek:  I hate dealing with freaking girls, seriously I want to just kill everything with a god damn vagina!!!
yy2bggggs:  vrek: A gun would work better

Royall:  “We have been trying to eliminate the penny for quite some time — it always comes back,” Obama said. “I need to find out who is lobbying to keep the penny.”
theonetruemango:  but I thought Obama loved change

embrodak:  ewww, not in pubic
embrodak:  *pubic
embrodak:  *pubic
embrodak:  FUCK

deadfool:  if my kids first words were hello world that would rock

squinky:  gads, I hate when foreshadowing is too thinly veiled
Screwtape:  squinky: But not as much as you will about ten minutes from now.

* xkcd takes [Bucket] down for now until he can make some adjustments
%relsqui:  I thought he was looking a little pail

@creature:  I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
@creature:  How could anyone stoop so low?

vejadu: there is no plural of emo, they’re always lonely

phobiac: My age is a perfect square greater than 9 and less than 25.
Mantissa: mine’s the first even product of two primes greater than 20
Ollie: my age is the greatest prime less than 29
GreaterSteven: My age is the sum of two numbers that when added equal 18.
Mantissa: GreaterSteven: well played.

 khmer_at_work:  woke up this mornin
khmer_at_work:  won’t believe what i saw
khmer_at_work:  hundred million emails
khmer_at_work:  phone yanked off the waaaaaa-all
khmer_at_work:  seems the system crashed over the night
khmer_at_work:  hundred million client calls
khmer_at_work:  spoiling for a fiiii-iiiight
khmer_at_work:  i’ll file a bug report to IT
khmer_at_work:  i’ll file a bug report to IT
khmer_at_work:  i hope that someone gets my
khmer_at_work:  i hope that someone gets my
khmer_at_work:  i hope that someone gets my
khmer_at_work:  TWENTIETH SUPPOOOORT CALL
khmer_at_work:  SEN-DIN-OUT-A-BUG-RE-PORT
khmer_at_work:  SEN-DIN-OUT-A-BUG-RE-PORT
khmer_at_work:  I’M SEN-DIN-OUT-A-BUG-RE-PORT (this had me laughing for like half an hour straight. I had to put on the song in the background)

Cctoide:  Your penis is so small, they’re modeling a new iPod after it.

Carthage:  WTF?! I just got RickRolled by StumbleUpon.

Bucket:  [You hear the distant howl of a coyote losing at Counterstrike.]

HPDDJ:  C====D
HPDDJ:  Rather
HPDDJ:  C====B or something similar.
HPDDJ:  Ascii penis!
* HPDDJ runs away
Sparkles:  8==D
Sparkles:  you ‘tard.
HPDDJ:  It’s been a while, but I don’t remember an 8.
Sparkles:  IT NEEDS TESTICLES!
HPDDJ:  That’s the B!
Sparkles:  THAT’S THE 8
HPDDJ:  ASCII TESTICLE WAR
Aesuna:  oh shi-
Aesuna:  8=====8
Sparkles:  8888888
HPDDJ:  BBBBBBBBBBBBB
Sparkles:  BALLS ARE TOUCHING!
Sparkles:  THIS IS GAY!
HPDDJ:  INDEED!

* water has joined #xkcd
* Potassium has joined #xkcd

doc_holladay:  Religious zealots always win. They have those crackers which are actually flesh.
Fritz:  soylent christ

* Seiun throws a pokeball at relsqui
* relsqui catches it, swallows it
%relsqui:  ^there is no possible good result of that
&ProphetOfCod:  :o
* Seiun caught INTESTINALBACTERIA. Do you wish to give a nickname to INTESTINALBACTERIA? Y/N
%relsqui:  hahaha
%Seiun:  /N
%Seiun:  *INTESTINALBACTERIA was sent to SOMEONE’S PC.
%Seiun:  (Thank god, I wouldn’t want to try to recover that pokeball)

JaggerG:  21st Century insurance should change its name to Schroedinger’s insurance, because I have no fucking clue if I’m insured.

@Lhyzz:  so, if you’re so smart, what was your major? and tractor operation doesn’t count as a major.
Eule:  Lhyzz: Hey, what’s wrong with tractors?! Many tractor operators are out standing in their field

BlackSails:  Question: If an interview asks for one of my weaknesses, is “bullets” an acceptable answer?

*** Jesus has left #xkcd.
Kumquat: He’ll be back in 3 days

Lisimba:  And sometimes I sneeze all fucking day because the plants outside are having a bukakke spring orgy.

maLLee:  HAHAHA A foreign guy is trying to chat with me about his midterms
maLLee:  And he keeps calling them testes
maLLee:  And I’m immature enough to be laughing my ass off over here
maLLee:  ‘I just wish I didn’t have so many testes’

A Latin Square is not a type of dance

Haha, I really like this website. Some of these are hilarious. Observe:

pigeon-mirk: davey made that avatar for me, i am eternally in his bed
pigeon-mirk: debt
pigeon-mirk: DEBT!

+kritical: christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
+Christin1: how do i do that

@codstar: rice crispies and hangovers don’t go together
@codstar: first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu

BoZmAn20: Goddamnit, my ex girlfriend has such horrible taste in men
BoZmAn20: wait
BoZmAn20: Shit.

Dogan: GUYS, STORY TIME
Dogan: SO my teacher’s friend’s friend or something
Dogan: She was dogsitting one day
Dogan: Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
Nightryde: how embarrassing
Dogan: SO she’s gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
Dogan: She can’t find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
Dogan: She didn’t have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
Zeelot: oh mannnn
Dogan: This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
Dogan: “this is pretty heavy, what’s in it?”
Dogan: lady replies “just some computer things”
Dogan: the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
joebot: ROFLMAO ROFLROFLROFL!!!
Zeelot: OMG ROOOOOOOOOFL
Nightryde: AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???

spacecat: i dont rly like virgin airlines
spacecat: i mean whats the point in going on a plane that doesnt go all the fucking way

ZondrZout: Dammit, something is coming out of my ass!
ZondrZout: brb

LeoDV: Don’t fight for fuel, stroke your tool!
KANG: that’s the worst slogan anyone has ever had
LeoDV: Touch your sack, not Iraq!
KANG: I stand corrected.
LeoDV: War is heinous, thumb your anus!
LeoDV: http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/ This is where heroes go when they die
KANG: I hate you more than anything

@khmer: you guys heard of cole’s law?
DaDemon: lettuce and cabbage with mayo?
* @khmer sighs deeply

Potassium: diet cock tastes horrible
Potassium: uh
Potassium: o.O
Potassium: coke
Poiesis: ladies and gentlemen, Sigmund Freud!

Kasyx_: has anyone ever noticed how the moment Randall isn’t idle any more, everyone attempts to seem more intelligent?
Sarevok: UNLIMITED DICKS
Kasyx_: well that backfired

ftr: When I was 13, I was so nervous and horny that if you just looked at me funny I would ejaculate the word ‘Sorry’

cujo: My penis is burning
XanT: Thats ALGEBRA.

jeebus: the “bishop” came to our church today
jeebus: he was a fucken impostor
jeebus: never once moved diagonally

studdud: what the fuck is wtf

 

Also: happy birthday to Sean!

Protected: Do philosophy departments have Causal Fridays?

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Protected: Vowel Obstruction

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hkhkhkhkhkhkjhkhkjhkjh (OH GOD MY TITLE BROKE!)

 “One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” ~ Sigmund Freud
Truth.

Subject

“Write a wise saying, and your name will endure forever.” ~ Anonymous

Does anyone else find that hilarious?
Just a thought.

Sorry for the craptastic blogs, I’m really busy.

The history books, they’ve got it all wrong!

You guys, I just witnessed what is possibly both the most disturbing, strangest, and, in some spots, most hilarious 5 minutes of any Captain Planet episode ever made. Check it out.

The dialogue is genius. If I didn’t know Captain Planet, I would swear this was a parody. Yeah, it’s that bad. Or good, I can’t decide.

Best parts:
“Stop bidding against me or I will invade you!” (This rivals “asscockshitrapeFUCK” for me)

“Heil, Fuhrer, baby!”

“Just what do you think you’re doing, shorty?”

The fact that there are like twenty windows in that castle and Captain Planet decides to go through the solid stone wall instead (3:37). This had me on the floor laughing, literally. Use a freaking window, dude! And then he breaks the ceiling later.

“I’ve heard of neutron bombs, atomic bombs, and even smart bombs! But there’s no such thing as a good bomb!” No wiser words have been spoken in so strange a manner, my dear Captain.

And this one comment I found regarding the ending:
CAPTAIN P: “Oh, there’s the time hole thing!”
PLANETEERS: “Well, gee, Cap. While we’re here, do you think we could use our Ancient Elemental Powers of Asskicking to stop the Holocaust? Or the bombing of Pearl Harbor? Or the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Or…”
CAPTAIN P.: “TIME HOLE THING! GET IN RIGHT NOW! GO PLANET!!!”

 
This was awesome.

Claudia is in Violation of MySpace Code 25-3760: Blogging Under the Influence of Jolly Ranchers

I started doing surveys in my blogs on November 29, 2006. Since then, I have done many, many more, including the 500- and 1000-question ones. Here are some strange answers I’ve had in past times. And yes, I’ve saved all these surveys and the answers to them. I’m a sad, sad individual, aren’t I?

These were during my humping obsession period. Don’t even ask (but if you must know, this was around October 2006).
What did you do yesterday:
Humped some stuff…went to classes…the usual.
06. have you ever fallen for your best friend: Fallen for? No. Fallen on with the goal to hump? Yes.
01. love or money: Humping for pocket change (a nice even mix of the two!)
03. one night stand or relationship? What is humping categorized as? What if it’s repeated humping of one person?

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. A Pulitzer Prize
2. A taco

 Haha, poor, pathetic me…
59.Have a significant other?
No
60.What is their name?
*cries*
61.How old are they?
*rolls on floor, crying*
62.How long have you been going out?
*starts the self-pity rocking motion*

110.Played with Barbies?
They have had many adventures…20,000 Leagues Through the Sewage Line!

259.If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)?
William Shatner

373.Know any foreign languages?
Well, I know the international language of sex and…ah, screw it

378.Are you a bum?
I HAVE a bum…

15. Where is your mailbox?
Um…out on the lawn in the front yard? Why, did you kidnap my beloved Boxy?! NOOOOOOO…

31. Would you be a pirate?
Do you have any idea how many “booty” jokes I would be making? I would be ordered to walk the plank within my first half hour.

My rant against sports whilst filling out a “favorite [insert sport here]” part of the 500 question survey.
128. Football team

Blah, football sucks.
129. Soccer team

Soccer too.
130. Tennis player

All sports, really.
131. Hockey team

Except Scrabble.
132. Basketball team

Cause that’s totally a sport.
133. Baseball team

But I digress…
134. Swimmer

We must return to answering questions.

159. Favorite president
Oh come on, if you don’t know my favorite president, you don’t know MILLARD FILLMORE!

271. Cup size or condom size
Aw, can’t I have both?

I ponder my true love
283. Have you already found your ideal mate?

Who knows? Perhaps my ideal mate exists on this earth in cantaloupe form. Holy crap, that would rock.
284. Or as close as someone can get?

Huh? Oh sorry, I’m still fantasizing about that cantaloupe…

312. Pop music?
“BaCkStReEt BoYz 4ever LOLZ!!!!111”

324. George W. Bush?
Society’s herpes! Burn it off! Burn it off!

545. Eat an entire package of Oreos in a half an hour?
Why does every survey ask this question? Seriously, what’s with them having to be Oreos? There are other cookies in the world, you know! I’m suing on behalf of Chips Ahoy for discrimination.

571. Surgeon?
Neurosurgeon, bitch!

678. Do you secretly fantasize about George W. Bush?
Oh god! *vomits*

5. What class would you marry if you had to marry a class you’re taking right now?
TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS! TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS!

1. Are you in a relationship?: With my Tests and Measurements class. Yes, we’re a couple now. Yes, I’m seeking therapy for this.

32. If you were a spider where would you crawl away and live?
My spidey-hole, where my Spidey-sense would tingle constantly and oh my goodness that sounds really dirty.

 

Great stuff, huh? HUH?! Join me in my ego-boosting campaign!

In other news, a Fillmore Fact for you: he initiated the White House Library. Now how awesome is that?!

“You’re a fool, Marianne! A horrible, hopeless fool!”

Francis Tovelty: I’m finding myself liking this guy. No one’s ever heard of him. Though I’m not sure I agree with some of his ideas, he makes a few good points. I might post one of his longer writings on here later, but here are a few quotes:

~”There are no deities, there are no destinies. There is only darkness, and within it the relentless parade of man’s ideas, grasping for truth and meaning.”

~”Men, of all the creatures on earth, place the most emphasis on perfection and strive for it our entire lives. Yet men, of all the creatures on earth, find perfection the least often.”

~”Had I been born a fish, I would have led a life filled with more intellect, self-exploration, and interest than the lives of half the characters in popular books today.” (this is so true, especially today…)

~”It is humans alone who suffer the malady of conscious thought. Through it, we blindly seek truth. It is conscious though that has elevated us above natural naivety and propelled us into a world caught between the animal and the divine. Therefore we must ask—why must such injustice be inflicted upon souls so unready?”

Tax deduction! Tax deduction! Tax deduction!

Note: this has nothing to do with tax deductions.

I’ve been on a roll lately with dorky quotes. Most of them involve my partner-in-strangeness, Maggie, on MSN. Here are a few of them:

Maggie: and now the eternal debate: death by fire or ice…
Me: I say ice, but then I think that it would be cool to have said about you that you truly went out “in a blaze of glory”…doesn’t have the same effect when you go out “in a glacier of glory.” But what if you got run over by a glacier? “Mmm…Thor see big ice cube…ugh!…Thor’s foot under ice cube…Thor forgot to write will…who will get Thor’s mammoth?…”

“Leprechauns are pantsless. They have no spines, also. They’re actually worms who speak broken English and know only a few words, such as “Ey!” and “Oh no!” and “Me Lucky Charms!”

Me: Now I am holding up a picture. It is an inkblot. What do you see?
Maggie: an inkblot.
Me: You’re insane.

My mom (talking about the weather): We’d better keep the cats in tonight; there’s a big band coming towards us.
Me: Sousa?

“What do you call it when a midget gets the services of a prostitute? A low-blow!” (a joke of mine from, what, 2005?)

Maggie: dum dee dum dee dum…
Me: *Turkey in the Straw theme*
Maggie: *depressing d minor bass solo*
Maggie: *debates whether or not to resolve it to D major*
Maggie: *slams head on keyboard*
Me: *throws handful of bandages through the air before realizing that you’re not actually in the same room*
Maggie: +.+
Me: *feigns medical skills*
Me: *begins CPR on a beanie baby*
Maggie: x.x
Me: *flips out, realizing resuscitating a beanie baby does as much good helping you as giving a high-five to George W. Bush helps him with his presidency*

“Alan has holes! I’ve seen them!”

Maggie: Out of curiosity, what happens if the bonfire accidentally lights the Sistine Chapel on fire?
Me: Jesus will have my ass.
Maggie: What if Jesus is in the Sistine Chapel at the time?
Me: God will have both Jesus and my asses, but he will resurrect Jesus’ ass after three days on a day that will be called “Asster.”

Shining moments in my quotation history…

…because shameless self-promotion is what I’m all about!

Here we go…

~”For someone who isn’t a vacuum, you sure do suck.” (Girl Scout camp)

~”MANIFESTATION!” (Pedro)

~”Nebraska: The “N” is for Knowledge!” (MSN name)

~”I’m an astrophysicist, and I’m studying Uranus.” (MSN name)

~”My butt makes Uranus look small (pun intended).” (MSN name)

~”Never again will I let a Kit-Kat eat ME!” (MSN name)

~”The Tusk knows all!” (that one night at University Inn)

~”Invite them over for a scrambled egg jamboree! With cyanide. Jamboree! Seriously, serve ’em up. ‘Want some scrambled eggs?’ ‘Oh, now nice!’ ‘Here ya go!’ ‘Mmm, what is this, cyanide?’ ‘The very best!’ ‘My throat’s closing up!’ ‘Have a nice day now!’ Problem solved.” (response to ‘what do I do when people are egging my house?”)

~”You’re going down like Jacob’s birthday cake!” (me being mean)

~That whole rendition of To Kill a Mockingbird in porn style (11th grade)

~(to the “Mickey Mouse” song) “K-I-D, N-E-Y, S-T-O-N-E! Kidney stone! *clap clap* Kidney stone! *clap clap* (last year)

 

I’ll add more when I fish my brain out of the library’s book drop-off bin.