Tag Archives: metalocalypse
You know it’s pretty bad when the President of the United States of America basically preaches an idea that was in an episode of Metalocalypse several years ago.
So we’ve seen my top five books. We’ve seen my top five movies. Now let’s make another list that no one cares about by looking at my top five TV shows!
Quick note: #1 and #2 are light years ahead of the others.
Let’s do it.
When Nate and I first moved in together, we decided to write down the names of TV shows we wanted to watch on little pieces of paper, fold the papers up, and put them in a jar with the idea of randomly selecting one of the shows to watch all the way through whenever we had the time to watch TV (which, very quickly, ended up being the baseball off-season months). One of the first (or first?) shows we picked out of the jar was Community. Neither one of us had seen it or really knew anything about it, but we’d both heard good things about it. And it turns out that it was one of the funniest, best shows we’ve both ever seen. It was very unexpectedly hilarious. We also got my mom into it, so there’s that.
The Dean is the absolute best part of this show, but Chang is fantastic as well.
I have not met a single person who said that they didn’t like Futurama. Hell, even Rob – who hated everything else under the sun – liked Futurama. Like…what can even be said about Futurama?
#3: Ed, Edd, n’ Eddy
This was such a weird, colorful cartoon. I watched a lot of it at my dad’s house on the weekends, so a big part of the reason it’s on this list is because of nostalgia. But it’s also just a great cartoon.
Anyone who knows me knows I love Metalocalypse. It’s a show that seems completely not my style, but I jive with it. It’s got ridiculous humor. Sean and I used to quote it all the time.
#1: Chicago Hope
So who’s surprised that Metalocalypse is not my #1? Yeah, me too. But here’s the thing. YesTV, for whatever reason, has been showing Chicago Hope every day at 4 PM, which means that I was able to watch it on my off day during the semester (when classes were still in person) and able to watch it every day once we moved to online learning. I had forgotten just how much I loved this show. I saw it first while I was still in high school. It was on the Discovery Health Channel and I always watched it when I came home from school. I hadn’t really gotten to see it (except for a few scattered episodes that are on YouTube), but now that I’ve been able to watch it again, yay, I love it.
I miss this stupid show so much, oh my god. I need to go back and watch the whole thing again.
Hey, so apparently today marks exactly 10 years since Metalocalypse first aired on Adult Swim.
I know I’ve talked on and off about this show on this blog since, like, 2008, but that’s because this show is great. I also recently realized that it’s been on* for my entire college career, save the last few years since Doomstar Requiem, so it’s kind of traveled along with me on my journeys across North America. It sounds corny, but it was always nice to be able to have new episodes of Metalocalypse to chill to regardless of where I was/how stressed I was/how desperate I was to jump off a bridge.
Let me tell you how I found this show, because if you were to watch an episode of it, you probably would not think it’d be a show I’d like. And that was my first impression of it, too. Back in 2006, as a freshman at the U of I, I lived in the Literal Hellhole Wallace. I had a dinky little 12” TV that I hooked up to the cable there. I quickly became obsessed with Aqua Teen Hunger Force, since really the only channel I watched was Cartoon Network and ATHF was the weirdest shit I’d ever seen and was thus the best thing ever (also, Shake reminded me of one of my friends from junior high).
I would often watch ATHF, then keep the TV on but put it on mute. That’s something I do a lot, actually. But anyways. I saw the opening sequence for Metalocalypse a few times on my muted screen, since the show aired right after ATHF for awhile, but thought it looked like something that would be super dumb, so I never had the desire to unmute it. I actually remember glancing over to the TV and watching about three minutes of one of the muted episodes** and thinking, “why do people waste their talent by animating crap like this?”
Fast-forward to 2008. I’m now living in McConnell, a much nicer dorm, and still have my dinky little TV hooked up to the cable. Similar situation: I’ve finished watching ATHF and muted the TV. An episode of Metalocalypse came on, but I wasn’t really paying attention to it. But then I glanced over at it at some point and, for whatever reason, just decided to unmute it and see what it was really all about.
And I was right. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever seen.
And it was awesome.
You know that specific type of funny that’s just so ridiculous that it’s great? Metalocalypse is that for me. It’s so screwy. It’s so dark. It’s so messed up. They’re all such man-children. But it works, and it’s funny. I enjoy it.
It sounds like Adult Swim is being awful and not letting Metalocalypse have its much-needed 5th season, on Adult Swim or anywhere else. But I’ve still got the four seasons plus Doomstar that I can re-watch. And I will, because Metalocalypse is and always will be funny to me.
*when I say “on” I mean, more technically, “waiting 2+ years between seasons” because Adult Swim is a bunch of concrete farts.
**turns out that episode was the season 1 finale. Which is awesome, FYI.
What is this
WHAT IS THIS
(I must know)
(The Metalocalypse fandom on Tumblr is losing their collective mind right now, just FYI.)
I’m re-watching a few of my favorite Metalocalypse episodes (plus DSR) because it’s been awhile since I’ve actually watched any of them and I had a bit of free time tonight.
What even is this show?
It’s not a final season—which is what this show deserves—but it sound like there will at least be a conclusion of sorts. So yay?
(I know none of my followers watch Metalocalypse but I don’t even care I love this show it’s so dumb but it’s so good and you can’t stop me from loving it hahahaha okay I’m done)
Okay. So. I’m usually not the type to get excited about TV shows. It’s probably because I don’t really watch any new/current/popular shows like Sherlock/Game of Thrones/Dr. Who/Breaking Bad/How I Met Your Mother/all those other shows that have huge fandoms and large followings in general. They’ve just never appealed to me.
But then there’s Metalocalypse. This show that’s about five rich, spoiled, idiot man-children and their inability to cope with everyday things like buying groceries and decorating the living room. This show that’s so absurd and so unapologetically dumb that it’s beyond hilarious. This show that I accidentally stumbled upon late one night when nothing else was on and have been attached to ever since.
I love this show.
And now it’s ending. Its finale starts in about 5 minutes.
So please forgive the incredibly fangirlish blog tonight. I don’t know anyone else who watches this (or at least, anyone who watches it anymore) and I’ve been feeding off the collective excitement of Tumblr’s group of Metalocalypse fans since the beginning of October, so I NEED to put my reactions out somewhere.
So here they are in chronological order:
- God damn, that orchestra at the beginning…
- JESUS NATHAN
- We’re like 7 minutes in and we’re already in a Lisa Frank drug trip scene. YES.
- “He’s deeeeead!” “Oh. Throw him in the garbaaaage.” AHAHAHAHA
- I WASN’T EXPECTING THIS TO BE SO FUNNY
- Dear god, the animation is beautiful
- How can this be so hilarious and so heartbreaking at the same time? AND WE’RE ONLY TWELVE MINUTES IN
- NATHAN POWER BALLAD OMFG
- NATHAN POWER BALLAD OUTFITS OMFG
- “How can I be a hero when my dick’s as big as a shoe?”
- Aaaaaaaaand the most accurate representation of Tumblr fans ever.
- Yup, that’s Tumblr.
- PICKLES’ SINGING VOICE LASKJFLAKGALHF
- ROCK IT SKWISGAAR
- The powdered wigs. I AM PEEING
- I KNEW it! I KNEW Skwisgaar was the one who decided to keep Toki in the band!
- (The whole “brothers” part made me suspect that Seth was going to show up at some point)
- JOMFRU FEEEELS
- Charles, no
- CHARLES, NO
- Oh my god. Michael Jackson Thriller dancing. THIS IS TOO PERFECT
- I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
- THESE MOOD CHANGES ARE KILLING MEEEEEE
- (No comments for the last ten minutes, ‘cause I was just sitting there gaping at the screen)
- ARE WE GETTING A FIFTH SEASON!??!?!
- I THINK WE ARE HOLY SLDFKSJFLSAHLDSKFJDF yay
THAT WAS AWESOME
WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO TO SLEEP AFTER THAT
*stays up until 5*
I’m going to be an emotional wreck a week from now, just a warning.
(I mean, more so than normal)
(Posting trailer again ‘cause it’s important)
OH SNAP, GUYS
I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE
[insert fangirl freakout here]
(A “Claudia is hyper” blog follows. You’ve been warned.)
Can you blister your eardrums with hot, hot tunes?
‘CAUSE I THINK I JUST DID!
(That chord at 2:32 makes me super happy. Also, we’re playing this in Concert Band)
I will not be able to hear by the time I’m 30.
[Insert me not giving a crap and cranking the volume higher]
Also, I got all my Amazon stuff at once.
GRE material, Leibniz-related shenanigans, and Metalocalypse.
Yup, sounds about right.
Edit: oh my god, these season 4 extras are great. “It’s a nice night for flying around in a cuuuuuube!”
(EDIT: see? Crappy posting habits. Sorry, y’all)
Woah, new followers. Hello, new followers! I don’t know where y’all came from, but I’ll try not to disappoint you with crappy posts. Can’t guarantee that, though. 90% of this blog is crappy posts.
Wow, Claudia, way to encourage people to keep reading your blathering.
Can we have a moment of awed silence for the season finale last night? Holy freaking crapaholics, man. I’m so glad there’s going to be a fifth season. Yes, I know, I know. I’m a fangirl freak. Tumblr has been a horrible, horrible enable for my fangirlness.
I’mma go screw around with R for awhile.
I don’t like this one, but I don’t have anything else for today’s blog.
So here you go.
Edit: hahahaha, scratch that. Here’s Nathan Explosion scat singing. Made. My. Night.
Edit 2: that was…dude…cannot wait for the season finale.
The best part of Sundays = reading all the Metalocalypse fandom reactions before watching the new episode. It makes me happy.
In other totally unrelated news, I randomly stumbled upon the website of the Australian Chicken Meat Federation. One of the pages has this picture at the top of it.
Metalocalypse in ONE WEEK!
I am way too excited for this show, haha.
Time for salad! Be back tomorrow.
When in the hell did April get here? Not that I’m complaining.
Metalocalypse season 4 starts at the end of the month WOOOOOOOOO!
2201. Do you have a favorite song by The Cure?
Friday I’m in Love is fantastic.
2202. Are there things you’ve never told for fear that others would judge you?
2203. Do you have a favorite Glen Miller song?
2204. Can sex ever be casual?
Depends on who you are. For some people, yes; for others, no.
2205. Who was the last person to let you down?
Myself. I’m a spazmatron.
2206. Do others feel that you expect too much of them?
I hope not.
2207. Did you forgive the last person who hurt you?
2208. Does one bad deed outshine many good deeds?
Again, it depends.
2209. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over?
How extensive of a makeover? Like a makeup makeover or a major plastic surgery makeover?
2210. What will no one ever see you do?
2211. Are you quick to anger?
2212. Are you slow to forgive?
2213. Do most people around you have a positive attitude?
2214. What do you need help with?
Oh, let’s not get into that.
2215. Do you know a lot about geography?
I think I know more than the average person.
2216. Do you take the easy way out of things?
Haha, I take the most complicated route possible.
2217. What is your favorite fabric to wear?
It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s colorful!
2218. Would you finish this survey if it went up to 10,000 questions?
Haha, don’t taunt me.
2219. Would you rather visit the dessert or the rainforest?
There’s a THE dessert? Let’s go to THAT!
2220. What does Domo Oregato Mister Roboto actually mean?
Doesn’t it mean “thank you very much Mister Roboto?”
2221. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles
Haha, it’s been a long time since I’ve had birthday candles.
2222. Make a wish now:
2223. Do you look for four leaf clovers?
I’m not around a lot of clovers.
2224. What are you the guardian of?
2225. Do you treat people differently based on their appearance?
I certainly try not to. That’s dumb.
2226. Are you for or against censoring child pornography?
2227. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children?
Depends on what’s going on in the paintings.
2228. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren’t real, they just look real)?
I don’t know. At one end, that may encourage the lovers of said porn to seek out actual children, but at the other end it may quench their desire to see such things without harming actual children.
2229. Do you like wheel of fortune or jeopardy better?
Jeopardy is great.
2230. Are you a fan of the Clash?
I don’t know them.
2231. How do you feel about Jerry Orbuch’s passing on?
2232. What celebrity are you dreading the future death of?
Oh, I don’t know. I don’t follow celebrities very much.
2233. Are you a fan of Joy Division?
2234. If you were going to ‘make over’ your diary what theme would you give it?
Haha, I was actually looking through the WordPress themes the other morning. Don’t know if I’d ever change, though.
2236. How do you feel about file sharing (especially movies and music)?
Meh. I think we should acquire such media legally if possible.
2237. How do you feel about wicca and paganism?
I don’t have much of an opinion on them.
2238. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic?
I don’t really believe in magic.
2239. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it?
2240. If you could pick anyone who would you want living next door to you?
Leibniz! Or no one.
2241. If you were a tarot card which one would you be?
Haha, probably the Hermit.
2242. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods?
I’ve never seen a school actually *serve* Twinkies and such. I think they’re fine in vending machines. Developing self control = important.
2243. Would you rather that McDonalds took a lot of fat out of their fries even if they wouldn’t taste as good?
Noooo, their fries rule.
2244. Do you neglect your friends when you have a significant other?
I don’t think so.
2245. Do you think that an advertisement for a cake decorating set would make good song lyrics?
That would be an awesome song.
2246. Would a band that used this ad for song lyrics take off or just fizzle out?
I’d listen to them.
2247. Are you more practical or imaginative?
2248. Can you see beautiful colors without closing your eyes?
Haha, I can just look in my closet.
2249. What are the four best songs or bands to listen to while making love?
I wouldn’t know. Sad day.
2250. What do you believe in?
2251. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart?
Hahaha. How about The Romantics?
2252. Are you a fan of Roxy Music?
2253. Can you ever say something that hasn’t been said or do something that hasn’t been done?
2254. When was the last time you were up all night?
2255. Do you enjoy wasting time?
2256. Why do people use safe notes?
What’s a safe note?
2257. Have your gods and idols let you down?
Leibniz will never let me down!
Yes I am aware of the insanity of my obsession!
2258. Is a place in the country your ideal?
Nah. I’d like to live downtown in a big city.
2259. Have you ever developed a photograph?
Nope. Always wanted to, though.
2260. Have you ever courted anyone?
2261. What do you waste?
2262. Have you ever silk screened a t-shirt?
2263. Is there anything that you tend to make that most people usually buy rather than make themselves?
Bread. But I don’t make it anymore.
2264. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more?
It’s been a looooooong time. My little school hiatus in July was only a few weeks.
2265. Is alcohol an excuse you use to be yourself for a while?
I don’t drink, really.
2266. What is your light at the end of the tunnel?
I don’t know. That’s a problem.
2267. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more?
2268. Do you ever step back thinking of life’s inner meaning and your latest fling?
Haha, life has an inner meaning? And does “latest fling” mean something romantic?
2269. Can anyone guess what band/song I am listening to right now?
The Styx? Random shot in the dark.
2270. When was the last time you were embarrassed?
I’m always embarrassed about something.
2271. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of?
Dude, I’d want those glow-in-the-dark stars EVERYWHERE. I don’t care if that’s not a painting. MURAL OF THE GALAXY!
2272. Is sex more about fullfilling a need or giving yourself?
Another “I wouldn’t know” question.
2273. Do you like your belly?
It could look better, but it looks okay now I suppose. My belly button’s weird ‘cause of my appendectomy, though.
2274. Do you think more or act more?
2275. Do you ever think about the price of gasoline?
Rarely. I don’t drive.
2276. What is the healthiest food to eat?
Broccoli!!! It rules.
2277. Have you ever read:
Jonathan Livingston Seagull? No.
Ender’s Game? No.
Memnoch the Devil? No.
2278. Should there be a mandatory retirement age?
2279. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done on impulse that worked out well?
I’d say “applied to grad school,” but that didn’t turn out too great at all.
2280. List everything you have eaten in the past 24 hours:
Uh…banana, tablespoon of peanuts, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, hummus, salad (lettuce, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, radishes, parmesan), M&Ms, Jolly Rancher.
2281. Do you listen to your intuitions, feelings and tingly sensations?
2282. Do you know a lot about the city you live in and do you think it’s important to know a lot about it?
Haha, I just moved here about a month and a half ago, so no, I don’t know much about London. It’d be nice to know more, though.
2283. If you were at the Everything in the Whole Wide World museuem what would you want to see first?
I’d like to see the original Declaration of Independence.
2284. Have you ever read:
Lost Souls? No.
The Shining? No.
Damnation Game? No.
Pearl Harbor? No.
2285. Do you have any exercise tapes or dvds?
2286. Do you own a pair of lucky underwear?
2287. You’ve been feeding a wild cat but it’s annoying your neighbors. You can not adopt it but youu must get rid of it. Which is kinder, taking it to a no-kill shelter that will keep it in a cage for the rest of it’s life or having it put to sleep?
Why can’t I adopt it? Why can’t I give it to a friend who loves cats?
2288. Can you spell “mouse” without singing it (at least in your head)?
2289. What’s a word people should use more often?
Nothing. People should talk less.
2290. What is the longest word you can type using only the top (letter) row of the keyboard?
2291. Do you listen to other people’s advice?
Yeah, to an extent.
2292. Would you ever consider putting your entire cd collection on your hard drive and thn selling the cd’s?
2293. What do you think of this survey so far?
It’s pretty great.
2294. What is one question that hasn’t been on this survey yet but should be?
Haha, you think I can remember all 2,294 questions up to this point?
2295. Does ‘liberty and justice for all’ mean for all americans or all people?
2296. What do you believe that you think EVERYONE should agree with?
I don’t think it’s possible for everyone to agree on something.
2297. Does the sound of crickets bother you?
2298. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing?
Definitely. Must sleep with fan.
2299. How do you feel you will likely die?
Probably an accident.
2300. If you were going to run away where would you go?
Like I’d tell anyone.
30-Day Meme – Day 3: Your favorite television program.
Haha, another one you all probably know the answer to. I’m going to have to say that my favorite TV program that’s still on the air is Metalocalypse. I thought this was the dumbest show ever when I first accidentally saw it on adult swim, but then I caught another episode awhile later, started watching it, and realized that the show was actually a pretty freaking great parody. I think it’s strength is in the fact that it’s so dumb it’s pretty much impossible to take seriously and thus is absolutely hilarious. It also spawned the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle, and you can’t tell me that growling “DO YOU FOLKS LIKE COFFEE?” to someone isn’t fantastic.
If I were to pick a show that is no longer on the air, I’d have to go with Frasier. I used to watch this with my mom (and grandparents) back when we all lived together, and thus it has a nostalgic factor to it. Also, it’s hilarious.
I’m feeling a touch materialistic today, and therefore feel like listing stuff that I would like to buy but either can’t find/can’t afford/don’t think it’s worth buying at this point in time.
I love these things. I always have. And now that I’m actually cooking on a somewhat regular basis, I can justify getting one. An orange one, of course (seriously, look these up, they’re amazing).
Haha, sorry, I don’t have much to say today.
Today’s song: Float On by Modest Mouse
WOO season 3 of Metalocalypse starts up again tonight!!
This made me hyperventilate from excitement. The only other two things that do this to me are statistics and Leibniz.
I have issues.
And short blogs. Apologies.
Today’s song: White Knuckles by OK Go
METALOCALYPSE SEASON 3 FIRST EPISODE!
I’m SO GLAD I have a new season over which to be obsessive. A season pass on iTunes was purchased in a nanosecond as soon as I saw it had started.
“See? You come home, it’s dark, ‘where are my keys? WHAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!’ Over there.”
“This is my endangered species furniture room!”
I’m a happy camper right now.
YAY IT’S FINALLY OUT!!
Black Fire Upon Us
This song is badass. There’s no other way to describe it. The only way it could be cooler is if you watch the final episode in which it is featured.
Laser Cannon Deth Sentence
With a title like that, there’s no doubt that this is the most Dethklok song on the whole album.
Rocking song. That’s all I have to say. This might get five stars (edit: it did).
I Tamper with the Evidence at the Murder Site of Odin
Best. Title. Ever. Not quite like it is on the show, but awesome nonetheless.
Dethalbum II comes out September 28th!
So…the season finale of Metalocalypse?
I cannot WAIT to see how they pull out of this in the third season.
Beautiful. Epic. I want more.
And no, I don’t care that I’m an obsessive fangirl.
So I’ve now downloaded and finished watching all of the Metalocalypse episodes for season 2 that have been made. I really have no idea why this show is so freaking funny to me, but it is. I love it.
And now I present you with an “All I Needed to Know I Learned from Metalocalypse” list I found on the internet. It may not be funny if you don’t know the show, but I think it’s great, so deal with it.
– If you don’t like something, fire it. Or set on fire. Or both.
– Booze is not food.
– Teeth grow back.
– Wearing makeup doesn’t necessarily make you a beautiful lady, but it will make you a counsel for makeup tips.
– 80s music sucks. Reunion tours are metal.
– There is only metal and unmetal.
– Cilantro is disastrous (haha, poor Skwisgaar).
– Doorknobs are not a cure for anything.
– Nickels are money, too.
– NEVER rewrite a national anthem.
– You are That Guy. Being a fan is inclusive to being hated by bands that hate their fans.
– Eating phallic shaped food makes you gay.
– ANYTHING can be metal. Even snakes, helicopters, candy and coffee.
– Be a dick or be a dude, there is no in between.
– Ladies are soul-murderers.
– Psychologists are OUT TO GET YOU.
– Never trust a clown.
– Fashion designers are murderers.
– Even the incredibly famous can be dumb as rocks.
– Comb-overs are sexy (hell freaking yes, Pickles = super hot).
– Ant farms are pretty awesome, and can be stood on.
– Even fat ladies can get tender lovin’.
– It doesn’t matter what you’re really like, you can be badass as hell with corpsepaint and a guitar.
– Even CHILDREN can’t wait to be brutal.
– Get a good manager. You never know when you’ll be stranded in the woods and need his kung-fu.
– Adoption is not tax-deductable.
– Employee conferences will assuredly end in brutality and death. Avoid having them.
– Have a good exhale-yell for your tennis back swing.
– Stop to smell the roses and look at the swans.
– Your doubles are NOT your friends.
– Trains are not only a matter of conveyance, but good material to write about for blues songs.
– Nuclear submarines can be brought back up and running by a bottle full of vodka.
– Comedy is about hating yourself.
– Comedy is NOT about body bags.
– Banana stickers are an apt form of psychological validation.
– Just because you say you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you are.
– Solid gold telephones are just as good as a raise.
– Birthdays are complete crap, unless you get good gifts.
– Your family hates you just as much as you hate them. They only want, want, want.
– All religions are the same boring crap.
– Making movies is hard.
– Watches are fun to smash.
– Have a little you-time.
– Closets are a great place for meeting up with people and discussing business.
– May the ugliest horse win.
– Voting sucks.
– Just because someone died because of something you did, it doesn’t technically make it your fault.
– Balloons are awesome.
– Never forget your digital recorder.
– Cell phones can be weapons.
– Pick up your refuse; this isn’t a waste paper basket can.
– Robots are not to be trusted.
– Strings are near the frets, but frets are not strings.
– Education helps you learn.
– They won’t let you reunite with a band unless you’re broken up.
– Porn awards: totally worth it for the kissing.
– Embezzling is metal.
– Never trust anyone offering you hookers and ice cream.
– Fish are your friends.
– Getting painted by naked ladies is a good after-show backstage pastime.
– Acoustic guitars are for pussies and grandpas.
– Recording on water isn’t the best idea, really.
– You are undoubtedly a douchebag.
– You never drink before a show. Never.
– Don’t lie on your measurements. It causes eating disorders.
– You should have thought about anonymity before you became famous.
– The internet is… er…
– “In” the ocean and “inside” the ocean are completely different.
– Don’t forget to press record.
– It’s not Wednesday. It’s Friday.
– Band therapists are not band members.
-A strap-on dildo can be a really cool codpiece.
– Some things lack zazz.
– Public executions are okay as long as they’re performed by death metal musicians.
– Douchebags are on the other side of the cage.
– Cinnamon bun franchises are hard to buy, especially when you’re drunk.
– No running around the hot-tub.
– You’re not supposed to wear clothes in the hot-tub.
– It’s possible to make too much money.
– The earth is no longer considered a planet.
– Paper towels will make you fat (I think this was my favorite episode ever).
– If you force all the blood to your face, you can give yourself a real cool blowjob.
– Sometimes it’s good to Rock-talk.
– You can bargain your eternal soul with the devil for a $5 gift card to Hot Topic.
– Deaths that you stumble upon can be easily forgotten when you ring a bell.
– Even people who try to kill you deserve to have a Viking funeral.
Oh, and if you ever hear some random, totally irrelevant quote from me, it’s probably from this show.