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Final Destination: Calculus

Annnnnnnd SPRING 2019 MATH 249 has ended!

They took their final exam today. It was a three-hour long exam, and honestly, I’d rather be writing the exam than standing around like a turd for three hours waiting for everyone to finish.

Anyway, this class was a lot more enjoyable to teach the second time around, probably because I wasn’t frantically trying to make all the notes/labs/exams/etc. as the course progressed.

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The End

So this semester is finally over.

It’s been a long one.

I mean yeah, I guess there’s still finals, but that’s a minute detail at this point.

Successfully teaching that calculus course meant a lot to me. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it at the start of the year, but I ended up doing it.

I hope I did Leibniz proud. I know that sounds like a really weird thing to say, but it means a lot to me, okay? It just…it just does.

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S T R E S S

Man, I am ready for this semester to be over.

Making brand new sets of notes* as the semester goes is a lot of work. The last time I was making brand new notes without any prior material of my own was when I first taught STAT 217 in Winter 2017; the last time I was making brand new notes for a subject I’d never even taught before was when I first started working at UI in 2012.

So it’s been a while.

And I forgot how much freaking work it was.

*And lab material, and additional practice problems, and practice midterm keys, and midterms, and a final.

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THANKS, BRAIN, FOR MASKING MY INSECURITIES SO EXPERTLY IN MY DREAMS

So last night I had a dream in which as I was heading to my calc class to teach, I realized that there had been a “substitute” teacher scheduled for today (I guess because the person who was originally supposed to teach the course needed to be gone that day and had booked the sub in advance). I was a little bit nervous about this because I thought my students might like this dude more, so I decided to just go to class and pretend I was a student so that I could see how well he taught.

I go in there and sit in one of the empty seats. For whatever reason, the attendance is really low that day—maybe 30 or so students are there—so it’s pretty easy to just kind of sit in the corner alone.

This dude puts up some PowerPoint slides and starts in on teaching, but is quickly interrupted by students asking him “why do your notes look different than Claudia’s?” or “why don’t you make your notes like Claudia?” or “why can’t you teach it the way Claudia teaches it?”

This devolves into the students asking him where I am, so I decide to blow my cover (I’m wearing a hat—the perfect disguise!) to tell them that I’m here, but I’ll just be observing that day. The students don’t really like that and keep insisting that I should teach instead of this guy.

So the guy kind of just looks at them and says something like, “am I really that bad?” and when the students affirm this, he just breaks down crying and goes to hide behind some of the desks.

I follow him and just try to console him, telling him it’s nothing personal, it’s just that the students have had me teach all semester and were used to that style. He keeps crying, so eventually I just ask him if he wants me to take over for him. He nods, and I go up to the front of the room and start teaching. I actually end up teaching regression, which is not what I should have been teaching them, obviously (the room was clearly my calc room and not my stats room), but then I woke up.

To me, it’s clear that in this dream, the dude represents me and my thoughts/concerns about being a good math instructor, whereas “me” represents how I feel about teaching stats. One feels competent (at least, competent enough), the other feels like a royal failure.

Anyway.

Thanks, brain.

Blugh.

Is the semester over yet?

ZZZ

I spent twelve hours at work today.

Which is actually not as unusual as you might think for me, but the reason I was able to do so today was because I didn’t walk (today is my scheduled day off).

Which I realize now was a stupid thing to do, because the weather is supposed to be crap tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday.

But I also realize that I’d probably STILL BE AT WORK if I’d walked this morning, so…

(Not that it matters; it’s 4 AM and I’m still doing work from home.)

Gotta love midterm season.

SCHOOOOOOOOOOOL

There was no actual teaching today, since I usually just take the first day of classes to go over the syllabus, expectations, due dates, etc., but it’s nice to be back in the swing of things.

I am both terrified and beyond excited for this calc class. We’ll see how things go.

It’s weird teaching a small section (120 students) of STAT 213, though, especially after having two sections of 240 students (plus 120 students for STAT 217) last semester.

Jesus, I had 600 students last semester. No wonder I had no time for anything else.

FINALS SLDKFJSLFJSL

Final exams are always chaotic, especially if you have to try to coordinate four instructors and approximately 1,000 students across three different rooms.

BUT IT’S OVER NOW, so it’s time to grade.

Excitement overload.

Also, I’m pretty sure my blogs got lost in the mail. It says they got shipped, but it’s been more than two months now (I think?) and even with the postal strike that happened, I would have thought they’d be here by now. SAD NEWS. I guess I can just order another copy, it was only like $20.

Semester OVER

UGH this was a long semester. Lots of work. Lots of lecturing. Lots of answering emails. Lots of office hours.

600 students is a lot of students.

I’m so freaking burnt out right now, but I guess I can’t really afford to be. Time to start working on next semester, I guess.

But not today. Today I will be the most useless human being in existence.

OH WAIT I ALREADY AM

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS (part 2)

I wanted to put this in a separate blog post from the previous one. I’ve already talked about what teaching this calculus class means to me “personally.” I suspect you know what I’m going to talk about in this one.

Yup. Leibniz.

As I’m sure you are all painfully aware, I really, really like Leibniz. I don’t know what it is about him and his ideas and him as a person (from what I can determine from bios and descriptions of him), but I just…connect with him. I of course am not comparing my meager intellect or impact to his; I just feel like he needs to mean something to me, if that makes any sort of non-creepy-history-stalker sense. I’ve joked in the past that such a connection might be due to a surplus of Leibniz atoms in my body…it may be the case, who knows. The universe is weird.

Anyway.

A while back, I wondered what it would be like if I were to get a chance to teach calculus, never actually believing that I would ever get the opportunity.

But now I’m going to be teaching calculus, and I’m trying to wrap my head around just how much that means to me.

It’s a connection to Leibniz. It’s a pretty loose one, and it’s one hundreds of thousands of calc teachers share, but it’s a connection.

I mean, calculus was something that he helped to develop, refine, and bring to the public. He had a very direct hand in this incredibly useful, powerful mathematical study. The fact that I get to have even just a very small role in the passing on of the knowledge of calculus to others is just…it’s so cool. It’s so amazing. It means so much to me.

Like, come on. If someone has a historical figure as someone they greatly admire, how often do they get to directly help pass on that historical figure’s ideas, inventions, influence, etc. to future generations?

It’s an honor. It really is.

And I don’t care how corny that sounds. It’s how I feel.

Leibniz is my dude, and I am damn proud to be given the opportunity to help teach others about calculus.

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

OH MY GOD

So this is the “I might have news soon but I don’t want to jinx it yet” from my November list a few weeks ago. Wanna hear it?

I GET TO TEACH CALCULUS.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I. GET. TO. TEACH. CALCULUS.

It’s intro calc, but man, that’s all I need.

I’m a little bit hesitant to blog about this so soon after getting the news, as this means so much to me on so many different levels and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to express its meaning very well. But I guess the “personal” reasons are a little easier to express, so let’s start there.

I never really had an issue with math until 6th grade. I suppose I was decent at it; I didn’t really pay that much attention. I didn’t like it and I didn’t hate it, it was just something I had to do in school. But then I was put into the “advanced math” class in 6th grade (which was just two super smart n’ nerdy boys and myself doing 8th grade math in the janitor’s closet; yes, it was as weird as it sounds). I probably could have handled it had I been put in there at the start of the year, but they threw me in there like two-thirds of the way through the year and I had no idea what was going on. What was a variable? What was a parabola? I had no clue. And that made it so that I couldn’t keep up with the dudes and had to be put back into the “regular” math class.

Yeah, that wasn’t humiliating at all.

But that was the start of my struggles with math. It started to make me really nervous and I started to doubt my abilities. 7th grade math was a bit rough. Then, in 8th grade, I had to miss like a week and a half of classes due to my grandpa dying, and once I got back into things, I was once again lost in math. 9th grade wasn’t too bad (it was geometry and I was decent at it), but 10th grade was the worst. I didn’t like the class (algebra 2), I didn’t like the teacher, and I just dreaded the whole thing. By the middle of the year, I would literally break out in hives whenever I had to walk down the hall to go to that class. I never told anyone about that, but it definitely happened.

Needless to say, as soon as I was no longer required to take math (which was after that 10th grade class), I stopped. I took the minimal amount of math while I was getting my psych degree and it was only once I took the required intro stats course that I started to get into stats. But plain old math still scared me. Hell, even when I was getting my math degree, math scared me. I’d look at an equation and I’d get that nervous dread that always accompanied any dealings with math.

It’s really only been in the past few years that I’ve started to feel more comfortable with math. The comfort is not at all natural; it takes a lot of work to ignore that “oh my god I don’t know what these numbers and letters mean in this equation I am so stupid” feeling that I still get. But just knowing that I’ve gone from math causing me to break out in hives to being qualified to teach math gives me enough confidence to feel like I’ll be able to do this. If I can teach stats with the level of confidence that I currently can, surely I can do the same with math, right?

And hell, I think the fact that I’m not naturally a math person will be helpful for my students. I’m sure there will be a decent number of them who are dreading this calculus class and who are terrified that they won’t be able to understand things. I know what that feels like. I know how bad that feeling is. And I know that it’s important to be able to explain math to the “non-math” people so that they don’t feel stupid or feel like they’re being overwhelmed and can actually get something useful out of the class. And since I am a “non-math” person, I feel like I’ll be able to do that.

And that’s really important to me.

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First Day of Classes

Semester: ACTIVATE!

So like I mentioned in an earlier blog, all three of my classes meet right in a row, starting at 9:30 and ending at 1:45.

STATS MARATHON

I don’t mind that, of course, but I can already tell this is going to be brutal on my voice. We’ll see if it makes it to the end of the semester.

WOO!

THREE CLASSES?!?!?!?

So this upcoming semester just went from “I don’t know if I’ll be teaching” to “I might be getting one class” to “I’m getting THREE classes” very quickly.

The good:

  • THREE CLASSES! They obviously need me, which gives me (hopefully) better chances of a permanent job sometime in the future maybe kinda sorta please?
  • These three classes are two STAT 213 classes and the only STAT 217 class being offered this semester. I’ve done these classes before, so prep work won’t be too bad. Hopefully.
  • The classes meet back to back to back on Tuesdays/Thursdays and they’re not too far away from one another.
  • I will have SIX HUNDRED students. That’s…a lot.

The bad:

  • I’ll probably have to drop that Continuing Education math class, though, just because that would probably be a little too much.
  • …That’s pretty much it for the “bad.”

WOO!

MATH?!?!?!?!???!??!!

Sooooooooo hey I might be teaching Math 30 (11th grade math) for the U of C Continuing Education Department.

This has been a “maybe” since like April, but now I think it’s finally set in stone.

Scary? Yes. This was math I missed a lot of when I was in school for various reasons, so I’m not familiar with it at all. It’s going to take a lot of work to get there.

But hey, more teaching experience, right?

WOO!

So this week has sucked royal nuts for various reasons. But today I got an email from Jim saying that STAT 213 in the spring was suddenly available and that it could be mine if I wanted it.

And I had to very calmly reply “yes plz give” without actually being like “YES PLZ GIVE!”

So yeah. I get two classes this spring: STAT 213 and STAT 217. I’ll hopefully be getting STAT 217 in the summer, too.

(And, you know, more classes in later semesters as well.)

FREAKING OUT

Y’all.
Y’ALL.

So I had a meeting with Jim this morning to talk about next semester. Turns out I not only get to teach TWO classes next semester, but one of them is a 300-level class! I’ve never taught a 300-level class before.

It’s called “Statistics for the Physical and Environmental Sciences,” and it sounds like STAT 213 and STAT 217 combined and for people with a calculus background. I also get to teach them R, which is fantastic.

So yeah, I’m SUPER FREAKING EXCITED. I didn’t think I’d get any classes next semester, let alone two.

Let’s hope this trend continues!