Category Archives: Miscellaneous

*internal screaming*

Because I have nowhere to go to do any external screaming without getting weird looks/making a scene/getting the cops called on me.

But *internal screaming* is to the max.

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An Ode To Cumuli

Sung to the tune of Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls

Oh won’t you coat the sky today
Oh block out all those UV rays
Oh and you never bring the rain
Flat bottomed clouds you give this rocking world some shade

Hey I was just a walking fiend
Who forgot to wear sunscreen
Thought I’d burn before I’d walk a couple miles
But then overhead you towered
Soft and white like cauliflower
Heaping cumulus, you done make this walker smile

Hey hey!

I’ve been walking, don’t you know
‘Cross the city, ‘cross the Bow
I’ve felt every ray of sunshine on the way
But when I’m beneath your shade
I feel like I could walk all day
‘Till the sun goes down and its rays you glow

C’mon
Oh won’t you coat the sky today
Oh block out all those UV rays
Oh and you never bring the rain
Flat bottomed clouds you give this rocking world some shade
Flat bottomed clouds you give this rocking world some shade

Yes, I know there’s another verse, but this is all I remember coming up with on my walk this afternoon, so chill.

River Knee Knee River

So the Bow is really high.

That’s part of the River Walk that runs under Centre Street. They’ve got it closed off because of the amount of water that’s pooling in that low portion.

IN OTHER NEWS, I think I gave myself runner’s knee. I had no idea runner’s knee was a thing, but ever since I did the dumb of jumping from “run a 10k every other week or so” to “let’s run two half-marathons in a week because we can!” my left knee has been giving me some issues. Not enough issues to make me stop walking (it would basically take my entire leg falling off to make me stop walking, let’s be honest), but it starts to hurt after about 12 miles or so.

At least, I’m assuming it’s runner’s knee. Hopefully not something more serious.

‘Cause like hell I’m seeing a doctor.

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SOMEONE THROW ME OFF THE ROOF, PLEASE

My incompetence makes me physically ill.

I do not deserve the people in my life who put up with me.

Hell, I don’t deserve my life, period.

Whyyyyyyyyy am I such trash?

IhatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyselfIhatemyself

People who deserve a better wife: Nate

People who have a husband that is way too good to them: Me

People who should be thrown into the river: Also me

The end.

Inversion on the Grandest Scale

Holy hell crackers, this is beyond incredible.

Wow.

How is this even earth? It’s so surreal and otherworldly.

I’ve seen a full cloud inversion in real life before, back in 2011 over Lewiston. Here’s my much less impressive (but still awesome!) shot of that:

 

Mother May I Make a May List?

  • If I had been born with a sense of smell, I would have liked to go into something culinary-related. The idea of being a chef sounds super cool, but I seriously doubt I could ever actually do anything worthwhile in a culinary career with anosmia. I know there are a lot of things I just can’t taste (onions, garlic, many herbs, to name a few), so I’m sure my ability to combine flavors and make subtle awesomeness with food combos is very limited.
  • Hey, so Amazon, why the hell is this thing a “top pick” for me? Since when have I expressed any interest in toilet brushes? I like how Amazon’s algorithm picked up on the one time I accidentally clicked on a bath bomb and extrapolated to toilet brushes, but I can look at 60% of the Leibniz books that Amazon sells and still not get any Leibniz-related recommended items.

  • GOD DAMMIT WHY

  • You know a sports team is doing badly when…
  • This is fun.
  • I just remembered part of the weird dream I had last night. Amazon had opened up a new portion of its online store called “Manazon” where you could buy “man things” like beards, shaving tools, and penis polishers (????).
  • I have O Come, All Ye Faithful stuck in my head. Because, you know, it’s the Christmas season and all that.

Shimmer

AAAAAAAAAAH check out this nail polish!

‘Twas a gift from someone who I’m not going to mention, as I never asked if I could name them on my blog, but how cool is this? Super Sparkle 2017.

That’s all.

 

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The Fade: Part II

So it’s FINALLY getting warmer up here (sort of), which means it’s time to start transitioning into “summer walking pants” as opposed to my thicker “winter walking pants.”

I put on the summer ones for the first time a few days ago, and wow…I forgot how faded they’d gotten last summer.

Yes, that’s fade. The top part of the pants are their original color–that portion is always covered by my shirt. The rest? Faded as hell.

Serious fashion.

 

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I’m pretty sure Canada’s motto is “hieme perpetua”

What the hell is all this, now? IT’S FREAKING APRIL, CALGARY, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

It’s not even regular snow. It’s rain secretly disguised as giant-ass snowflakes that turn into rain as soon as they touch anything. Which means I had to look like a doofus with an umbrella in the snow while I did my walk this morning. It also meant that—ONCE AGAIN—the sidewalks were covered in slushy crap the entire morning/afternoon.

Not enjoyable at all.

And considering that walking is currently the only thing keeping me from having a complete mental breakdown as of late, that’s not a good thing.

BLAH.

Curlin’

Every once and awhile, my hair will do this natural curl thing. And it’s awesome.

Except, like in this picture, it’s usually only one small piece of my hair and the rest remains frizzy/fluffy/dead to the world/obnoxious.

The end.

(Yes, my shirt is covered in cat hair. My life is covered in cat hair. Deal with it.)

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I love it here

Okay, so I know I post a time lapse or panning video of Calgary like every month or so on here, but I really do love this city and this particular video has awesome music and awesome shots.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G…H, I, J, K, man I gotta pee

I just spent like an hour browsing around this website. Clouds are awesome!

The Pursuit of Kinvaras

Dear Calgary:

Dafuq are your Kinvaras? I’ve checked three different Sport Chek stores and a few other outdoorsy stores and there isn’t a single Kinvara to be found.

What gives?

Sincerely,
I HAVE HOLES IN MY SHOES AND I AM IN SERIOUS NEED OF REPLACEMENTS

Albrrrta

Why
THE SHIT
Is it so cold again?

We’re 11 days away from spring and it’s -17 out there.

Canada, I am disappoint.