It would be much appreciated if your officers could be a little more pedestrian-aware.
Story: I was walking down the highway towards the intersection by those new “Identity” apartment student-housing thingies. A police car was sitting in the parting lot of the apartments and, in no particular hurry whatsoever, started to pull away from the curb and approach the intersection.
I pushed the little “walk” button and—COMPLETELY LEGALLY—entered the crosswalk in front of the approaching police car. Once I was about 1/3 of the way through the crosswalk, the car reached the crosswalk itself. I expected the car to slow to a stop, as I had made eye contact with the driver as I was crossing.
However, they did NOT stop and I had to very quickly move out of the way of the front of the car before it finally gradually stopped IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROSSWALK to wait for its green light. The officer showed no sign of knowing that that she was about three inches from hitting me with the front of their car, nor did she seem to care once I shot her a dirty look after getting to the other side of the street.
Again: I was making eye contact with the driver as I crossed. I was LEGALLY crossing. she did not have her police lights on to indicate that she was in any sort of hurry. Once she pulled out of the intersection, she was not in a hurry to get anywhere. She just apparently felt like trying to run me over.
What the fuck.
I should have gotten the license plate number. That is 100% unacceptable.
I hate everyone.
Why do a surprising number of song artists not know what a trumpet is?
You’re probably like, what? Lemme ‘splain:
I’ve come across several songs in which either a) a trumpet is mentioned but a different instrument makes the subsequent sound, or b) a trumpet is shown in a music video but the sound accompanying it is not actually a trumpet.
The most egregious offender is Mr. Derulo’s “Talk Dirty” music video.
*two saxophone notes play*
The whole video. Every time there are those two sax notes, it shows a lady with a trumpet.
Like, I get it. Maybe winds and brass aren’t really Derulo’s instruments. But you’d think someone on the production team of this music video would have been like, “hey, that’s not the noise that trumpet makes. I’m going to look like an idiot if we show a trumpet with those noises. Someone bring me a saxophone!”
And don’t try to tell me it’s because the trumpet silhouette looks sexier. It don’t. Saxophones are sexy, too.
Timmy Trumpet is kind of guilty of this too. I say “kind of” because in “Freaks” we get the line “ah, the mighty trumpet brings the freaks out to the floor” and then the main little chorus lick thing is played by a trombone.
But this line could also be “ah, the mighty Trumpet brings the freaks out to the floor,” with “Trumpet” being a proper noun referring to Timmy Trumpet himself. However, if you Google the lyrics, every source I see has “trumpet” non-capitalized, suggesting the instrument, not the dude.
But I don’t know how many lyrics websites even care about that minute of a detail. Hell, I don’t know why I even care about that minute of a detail.
AND THEN THERE’S THE MUSIC VIDEO:
*chorus lick thing plays on trombone*
That bugger sure looks like a trumpet.
But then Wikipedia tells me that he’s got a digital trumpet, so maybe he can make it so that the trumpet…sounds like a trombone?
Also he’s Australian so who the hell knows.
(To the Tune of “Our House”)
You should treat them like a street
Act like you’re a car with feet
Try to walk on the right side
‘Cause when you don’t, I die inside
Good ol’ Palouse Mall.
It’s good to know that they’re still piling all of the snow from the plowed parking lot onto the one sidewalk that runs from the highway crosswalk to the Walmart.
OH WAIT THAT’S NOT GOOD AT ALL.
List of reasons why this pisses me off:
Come on. It’s the Palouse Mall. Even when Moscow’s running at capacity with all the students, I’ve never seen that parking lot completely full. There is no reason that this excess snow can’t just be shoveled into the parking spaces right in front of the sidewalk rather than onto the sidewalk itself.
It’s December. The students are currently gone. There are about 80 people* who live in Moscow right now. Even more reason why filling up a few parking spaces with snow is not going to be a huge issue.
People. Still. Walk. To. Walmart. I know walking is OMG SO HARD IN THE WINTER DURR HURR GET A CAR, but some people still rely on it for their main source of transportation. And there are really only two** ways to get to Walmart from Moscow: take the trail or take the sidewalk in front of the Palouse Mall. I walked on the trail today and it was an icy death trap. I tried to walk on the sidewalk in front of the Palouse Mall today, but it was covered in piles of snow. So neither of these options are great for walkers, especially when they have to carry bags of stuff back home from Walmart.
Also, if your solution to the above problem is “use public transportation,” I need to remind you again that this is Moscow. Public transportation is free, which is great, but it doesn’t run on the weekends. Or on holidays. Or past 5 PM. So that’s not always an option, my dudes.
It’s just…it’s like…don’t people think about these things? Are we really this car-centric?
*A slight underestimation. But you get my point.
**I guess you could go through the mall and bypass most of that sidewalk, but that’s a little out of the way if you’re in a hurry. Also, then you have to cross that parking lot, which is a death trap for pedestrians. Don’t even get me started on that.
Yay, so I legit almost got maimed by a car this afternoon and the only reason I didn’t is because I pay extreme attention to my surroundings when I’m out walking, especially in crosswalks.
I was crossing at a stop light. I had the right of way (my little walk sign was white). There was no one else at the intersection except for a guy who was in the lane to turn left, crossing the crosswalk I was in. We were facing each other—I was walking towards his direction, so he should have had no problem seeing me.
But I was about five steps into the crosswalk before he decided he NEEDED TO SUDDENLY TURN NOW and nearly ran me over. It’s a good thing I was paying attention to him, ‘cause he certainly did not pay any attention to the fact that he was about to drive right into me. I had to run out of the way.
I hate people. I hate people so much.
Pay attention when you’re driving. You could kill someone if you don’t.
As anyone who regularly reads this blog knows (or anyone who just knows me in person), I am a firm believer in the “treat walking as you would treat driving” philosophy. In other words, treat sidewalks like two-way streets, don’t weave around like a moron, and actually pay attention to where other people are before you dart out in front of them like a confused horse wearing blinders.
But apparently I’m the only human being in this city who thinks that way.
Example: there is a C-Train station right at the edge of campus, and it’s connected to a walkway bridge that goes over the highway. In other words, in order to get from the station to campus (or vice-versa), you need to use a set of stairs.
And because this is usually a pretty busy station due to its proximity to campus, the people who designed the stairs made it so that there were actually two sets of stairs to accommodate the crowds. Picture:
Let’s represent the flow of people going from campus to the C-Train in red, and let’s represent the flow of people going from the C-train to campus in blue. Am I insane for thinking that this is the best way that people should arrange themselves?
Just…just stay to the right. That makes sense to me. Pretend you’re a car! This seems like it would flow nicely.
But do people do this? No. Here’s how people actually use these stairs.
Here’s a fun list of things that bug the ever-loving poop out of me.
Because I’m in a BAD MOOD and HATE APRIL FOOL’S DAY more than anybody rationally should and I need to RANT.
So here goes the list.
- April Fool’s day.
- People with a story the length of War and Peace who decide the best medium to use to tell such a story is Twitter. Yup, 800 140-character “not at all coherent on its own and hardly even coherent when read with the other freaking tweets” segments. That’s exactly how I want to read the thrilling tale of how Starbucks permanently scarred you by misspelling your name on your cup.
- People who take the elevator to go down one floor. I get it if you have some sort of impairment that makes walking down stairs tough, but I see this way more frequently than the likelihood of such impairments would suggest.
- The whole “yoga pants as everyday pants” thing. I didn’t see this as much when I was in Moscow, but up here, especially at U of C, it’s a very popular style. Comfort’s great, yeah, but seriously…it makes you look like you just rolled out of bed and threw on the first thing that was on the floor by the hamper. I’m the last person to be judging others’ fashion choices, but hey, I’m going to do it.
- This is mostly on Tumblr/online in general, but I’m irrationally annoyed by the popularity of people announcing how tired they are. “I’m 104% tired.” “I feel like I’m already tired tomorrow.” So what do you want, a medal? If you’re honestly that tired, maybe try changing your lifestyle in some way?
- All these remakes/sequels/live-action interpretations of 80’s and 90’s TV shows and movies. Yes, Millennials are the nostalgia generation in the sense that we have a very strong connection to the media of our childhoods. But do we really have to rehash every damn thing from Beauty and the Beast to The Powerpuff Girls to (edited to add) The Dark Crystal? And what’s worse, do we really have to be so dumb as to throw enough of our money at such a blatant attempt to profit off our nostalgia to the degree that we encourage the making of more of these atrocities?
- Sequels in general. They don’t work, they’re not worth it. 95% of the time they fail at living up to the original (exceptions in my opinion: the Toy Storys, the Iron Mans, Home Alone 2).
- The words “doggo” and “pupper.” They just bug me.
- The expectation of now that Nate and I are married, we’re going to start pooping out kids. “So when are you going to start a family?” Um, we already are a family, you rude bag of antiquated societal spew, thanks for asking.
- All the pedestrian-related stuff that I’m TOO ANGRY TO EVEN MENTION BECAUSE I THINK IT WOULD GIVE ME A BRAIN ANEURYSM.
That’s fine! You’re completely allowed to have opinions about a game. But as soon as you start hating the players of said game? You probably need to chill.
Context: I have a surprising number of conservative, older friends on Facebook. They’re mostly teachers from high school and whatnot. A few of them post a lot of racist, bigoted garbage that I try to just ignore (at least, I did before just hiding their posts, haha).
Anyway, tonight after sending approximately 8,000 Pidgeys to the professor, I got the wonderful idea to see what these incredibly enlightened friends of mine thought of Pokemon Go. Was it the work of the devil? The work of Obama? The work of Muslims? THE WORK OF DEVIL MUSLIM OBAMA?!?!?!?! I checked out their pages, and yeah, pretty much:
LOL @ “mancard.” Seriously?
Let me ‘splain a thing. There’s a path alongside the Bow River here called the RiverWalk. It’s a path dedicated to cyclists/walkers/rollerbladers/skateborders/etc. so they can hang out by the river without fear of getting mowed over by crazy drivers. Usually there’s a decent amount of people out there, but I’ve never seen as many people out there as there were today.
Why where there so many people out there? Two words: Pokemon Go.
Seriously. There were SO MANY people out wandering around. People were out on their own, people were out with their significant others, people were out with groups of friends.
Does it matter that most of them had their heads down, looking at their phones, for most of the time?
Does it matter that they were busy hunting Pidgeys and Zubats and whatnot rather than, say, having a picnic or reading a book in the shade?
Does it matter that it took a game on a phone to bring these people outside?
What matters is that people were outside having fun. People were walking around on paths they may not have ever used in order to find Pokemon or use Pokestops. People were sitting in the shade, camping Pokestops, talking with their friends about which teams they were on and what their strongest Pokemon were. People were having fun. People were enjoying the outdoors. It shouldn’t matter why.
That’s what pisses me off about people saying “ZOMG POKEMON GO IS THE DEVIL THOSE STUPID MILLENNIALS ARE GLUED TO THEIR PHONES WHY IS THIS EVEN POPULAR I HATE POKEMON GO AND AM THUS VASTLY SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY”
Okay. Point one? People were glued to their phones before Pokemon Go. You know they were. You can’t deny it.
Point two? Niantic created something that relies heavily on nostalgia for a huge demographic. Surprise! It’s popular! And why on earth is that a bad thing? I reiterate: people are having fun with it. Let. People. Have. Their. Fun.
Point three: how pathetic do you have to be to complain about the popularity of something you dislike? If you hate it, don’t waste your energy berating it to the point that you’re insulting the people whose opinions don’t match yours. So you hate Pokemon Go. Cool, good for you. Don’t play it. But stop being a whiny bag of week-old piss and let the people who enjoy it just enjoy it.
It’s not hard.
You just need to chill.
Okay, I know I did a blog post on emojis not too long ago, but holy hell. Now I have a smart phone and I can see the insanity firsthand.
I mean, I get it. Some of these are actually useful and/or sensible. Like the regular smileys. I use regular smileys over Skype and Facebook and whatnot to indicate sarcasm, mood, good-natured jesting, whatever.
But then it gets weird.
It’s an eye. One eye. It’s not even a “generic cartoon round shape” eye. It’s shaped kind of like a normal eye. But there’s just one. Why?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE POOP WHY IS THE POOP A THING
A pager, a fax machine, a floppy disk, and a VHS tape. ‘Cause LOL 90’s, right?
I don’t even know what this is. What the hell is this?
Yup. Them’s shapes.
I think this last page is Android saying, “we don’t know what the hell category to put this stuff in, so here are drugs, a gun, an Easter Island head, and a toxic barrel, you goddamn Millennials.”
WHY DO YOU NEED ANY OF THESE IN PICTURE FORM. Why would I ever want to text message someone the high density polyethylene plastic recycling symbol? Why would I ever want to text someone die faces? Or chess pieces?
Or whatever the hell this thing is?
OR THE POOP?
Lists like this are dumb. Hell, I’m guilty of like 80% of these. Let’s rant.
1. Dressing for the weather.
When it’s -14 outside, I wear what’s practically a windbreaker and those tiny little thin gloves. Everyone else I see, including the dudes (SHOCKING!) are wearing appropriate clothing. So yeah.
2. Taking up the appropriate amount of space.
At least the author didn’t use the word “manspreading.” I like how manspreading gets all this hype about it, but nothing is said about the women who go on public transit with 3+ shopping/grocery bags and then just dump said bags into the seat next to them. How is that any better than a dude splaying his legs? I do the leg splay thing too, anyway, if I’m on the bus after a long walk. Only if it’s not crowded, though.
3.Taking care of themselves when they’re sick.
Nobody is good at taking care of themselves when they’re sick. Nobody. That’s why it sucks so hard. Story time: back in 2014 I got sick with what I’m assuming was some sort of Black Plague variant, ‘cause it completely knocked me for a loop (for those of you who don’t know: I very, very rarely get sick, but when I do, I feel like complete death). This was before I knew Nate, so I was basically on my own in my little basement apartment, trying not to die. I NEEDED medicine ‘cause my fever was approaching 104 and I was having trouble breathing because of the blood that was filling my lungs (exaggerating…or AM I?!), but the closest anything that sold anything of the sort was the Safeway a mile away. Let me tell you, man, I could BARELY make it to that Safeway. I thought my insides were going to catch fire, they hurt so bad. I almost had to ask some random person in Safeway if they would please drive me home, ‘cause I didn’t think I would make it the mile back. I did, I took meds, and was eventually fine, but seriously. Taking care of yourself when you’re sick is awful and no one is good at it.
4. Packing for trips.
Every guy I’ve ever known has been better than me at packing for trips. I take like 7 hours to get what I need ready and organized and packed. My guy friends grab their crap, chuck it into suitcases/backpacks, and are ready to go in like half an hour. And they never seem to forget anything, either.
5. Speaking at a volume that suits their current space.
You mean kids, not adult guys, right? Kids never speak at the appropriate volume. Adult guys do. F-.
6. Doing laundry in a way that doesn’t ruin at least one clothing item.
HAHA I GET IT IT’S A “WOMAN’S CHORE” SO GUYS SUCK AT IT AM I RIGHT?? Even if this were true for a dude (or a lady), I would suspect the growing pile of ruined clothes would prompt him (or her) to figure out how to freaking do laundry correctly.
7. Deciding when it’s time to get a haircut.
*old man voice* “I haven’t gotten a haircut since Truman was president and I’ll be dead and buried before these young whipper-snappers force me into a barber’s chair!”
8. Drying off after a shower.
THOG BIG MAMMOTH MAN! THOG CANNOT REACH BACK WITH TOWEL! THOG DO MANLY NAKED SPRINT THROUGH TOWN TO DRY OFF INSTEAD!
9. Communicating their feelings effectively.
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
10. Sleeping in a position that doesn’t cause snoring.
Who can freaking control how they sleep once they’re asleep? I certainly can’t. I mean, I can fall asleep curled up on my side, say, but when I wake up I’m sprawled out on my back taking up the whole bed.
11. Waiting for their food to cool before they eat it.
THOG’S MOUTH ON FIRE, BUT THOG SO BAD AT COMMUNICATING HIS FEELINGS, HE CANNOT EXPRESS HIS DISTRESS AND PAIN!
12. Leaving the toilet seat up.
13. Wearing matching socks.
Is this a serious issue for…anyone? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone wearing non-matching socks, unless it was deliberate. And even if a person does wear mismatched socks, who freaking cares?
14. Wearing properly fitting pants.
OH GOD, NOT IMPROPERLY FITTING PANTS!! Have you seen the ill-fitting pants that women wear? Have you? Have you seen MY pants? Not a single freaking one of them fits me “properly.” I think dudes are better at finding decent-fitting pants than the ladies are, honestly.
15. Knowing what looks good on their body type.
Wasn’t this covered in #14?
16. Being patient with someone who’s getting ready.
My dad is not patient with others getting ready. But does that generalize to all dudes? Nope! Not unless you do the same with one of my female friends, who can’t stand waiting for others.
I hate this word and I hate your face.
18. Zoning out when anything sports related is happening in the vicinity.
Goddamn home-wrecking sportsball, man. Does the zoning out include them zoning out on the sports as well? Like, if they suddenly flip to a football game on TV, do they just go into a fugue? That would actually be kind of hilarious. “THE PACKERS GAME IS ON THE RADIO; TURN IT OFF OR ELSE GARY’S GONNA DRIVE US INTO THE GRAND CANYON!”
19. Closing the shower curtain after a shower.
What? This is a thing that needs to be done? Shoot, I don’t do this either.
20. Empathizing about periods/childbirth.
I think they do the best they can, considering most guys never experience these things. It’s hard to empathize with something you can’t experience. When my mom is gagging from the smell of a skunk, for example, I can’t really empathize with that. I have no idea what that’s like, and I never will. So yeah.
21. Knowing when to stop talking.
Apparently the author of this article has the same problem!
Am I the only one?
Am I the only one?
I mean, emoticons were one thing. They were born in the soulless era of early internet and thus are blameless, holy creatures that are not to be shunned simply because humans, as a species, didn’t quite know how to “internet” back then.
But these buggers?
Everything is awful.
Like, I get the point of some of the smileys if they’re use to denote tone or something like that. But what’s the point of some of the other ones? WHAT’S THE POINT OF THE POOP ONE?
Emojis almost as bad as excessive hashtags.
Almost as bad as excessive hashtags.
Edit: what in the everlasting hell. What are they going to do, have the little faces bounce around for an hour and a half with the same freaking expressions? I get that every time I check my damn Facebook. Why do these godawful things need a movie?
Society, I am disappoint.
What do I need to rant about, you ask?
These goddamn things.
Not the buttons/signs themselves, but the fact that like 98% of people are too stupid to understand how they work. Do you see the arrow on that sign? If you want to cross in that direction, you press the button. If not, don’t press the damn button.
These signs are even easier to understand up here. They specifically say “Push button to cross [insert street here].” But do people understand that?
THEY MASH THE DAMN BUTTON NO MATTER WHAT.
This wouldn’t bother me nearly as much if it didn’t screw things up with my timing at crosswalks.
Scenario: There’s an intersection* of a fairly busy road (let’s call it A St.) and a slightly busy road (let’s call it B St.). The sign to cross B St. is always set to “walk” unless someone pushes the button to cross A St.
I’m walking down the sidewalk along A St., heading toward the intersection. I want to continue along the sidewalk where I am, so I just want to use that “always set to walk” sign. However, some dude comes up and presses the button to cross A St.
No big deal. He wanted to cross A St., so it’s legit.
But now, as he’s crossing, another dude walks up and wants to cross B St., like I do. But instead of being patient and just waiting for the A St. one to stop flashing, he PUSHES THE DAMN BUTTON TO CROSS A ST.
And what happens? He gets across B St. fine, but his pushing the A St. button screws up the timing and the B St. sign goes red again by the time I get there (because someone pressed the button!), forcing me to stop.
Like…is this rocket science? Read the damn signs, people. They’re right there. It’s not hard.
This makes me so irrationally angry.
*Actually, there are a lot of intersections like this in Calgary.
For something so natural for humans to do, we sure do suck at it.
The thing that really pisses me off is when you’ve got some slow little fart in front of you who decides that he needs to walk RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE DAMN SIDEWALK and is completely oblivious (usually due to a phone) to everything around him.
Like, I’m making all sorts of noise behind the guy to warn him that he’s not the only one on the sidewalk and is certainly not one of the faster ones, and he’s just “duurrrrr smart phone.”
Then I end up finally having to walk off the side of the sidewalk to pass him, and he gives me the dirtiest little “how dare you” look.
Dude. Seriously. It’s not my fault you’re an idiot. MOVE TO THE SIDE OF THE SIDEWALK IF YOU’RE GOING TO WALK AT THE PACE OF A COMATOSE SNAIL.
This is how I feel when I go to pass these types of walkers.
(Yes, I made a .gif from that YouTube video. It’s pretty much my favorite video ever.)
I’m going to preface this with the acknowledgement that not everyone is physically capable of shoveling the snow from their sidewalk. I understand that completely. And I understand that not everyone can be outside and shoveling as soon as it snows (or even several hours after, in some cases). I get it.
But for those people who can shovel perfectly fine but just don’t?
I don’t know if you realize this or not, but those sidewalks are in front of your houses because some people don’t have cars and need to walk to get places. When you don’t shovel your sidewalk AT ALL, there’s going to be quite a bit of snow build-up. If there’s a slight increase in temperature you still don’t do anything about it, the temperature’s going to drop again and the snow will have turned to ice. And it’s going to stay there for quite some time, making life pretty miserable for us pedestrians.
I wish the city was somehow tougher on people who don’t shovel their sidewalks. If people had to clear the strip of street that was in front of their house, I’m sure there’d be immediate consequences if they left their part of the street unplowed. Seriously. I saw a guy in a wheelchair the other day who had to wheel out in the street for half a block because none of the sidewalks on that side had been cleared and were basically pure ice.