Tag Archives: sick

I Think I Ate a Kleenex

HOKAY, so this happened a few nights ago now, but I forgot to blog about it because I forget everything nowadays because I’ve been so busy and also I’m sick and ALSO this is a super run-on sentence so let’s just get to it.

After Nate went to bed, I sat in my chair to listen to music, as per usual. Also, as per usual, I fell asleep, because soft chair + good music + I FEEL LIKE DEATH = sleep. I don’t recall what I was dreaming about or how long I was out, but when I woke up I had this weird dryness feeling in my mouth—the same dryness you get after you chew on a piece of paper.*

Then I realized I had had a Kleenex next to me on the chair. Said Kleenex was nowhere to be found—not on the chair, not in the chair, not under the chair, not on the floor, not stuffed down the front of my shirt (as I tend to do with my phone when its alarm is going off and I want it to STFU because I’m sleeping), not anywhere in the room.

So I’m assuming I ate it.

Gettin’ my daily dose of bleached wood fibers. Awesome.

*I used to chew up pieces of ruled paper in elementary school, spit them out, and shape them into little paper dice to give to my fellow classmates, so I know exactly what this mouth feeling is. DON’T JUDGE ME I WAS THE COOLEST IN SCHOOL.

It’s time for SICKNESS DREAMS!



(I’m not, get me out of here.)

So last night I dreamt I was in Moscow in the winter. I wanted to walk on the trail, but everything was covered in snow, so I was super upset because, in the dream, there was literally nowhere else to walk except the trail.

But the next morning (in the dream), the snow on the trail had been packed down by a bunch of people walking on it, so I figured I could go out and walk on it as well. The only problem was that I guess I forgot how Moscow works and couldn’t figure out how to get to the trail from my mom’s house. I told my mom my problem and she’s like, “no worries, the snake will guide you!”

And before I could do anything, the TV turns on and there’s this image of this weird-ass purple-pink snake that looked much more like one of those sand-filled stuffed animals than an actual live snake.

It turns out that the image is actually a live feed of the snake at the head of the trail (heading towards Pullman). My mom goes, “follow the hamburgers!” and I’m like “wtf” and then watch the snake throw up like a dozen hamburgers (like, from McDonald’s, completely whole, with wrappers) and they started buzzing around the head of the trail. I could hear the buzzing from my mom’s house and she just kept screaming “GO GO GO GO!!”

And then I woke up.

What in the living hell.


I don’t get sick very often at all. But every four years (approximately) something breaks through my god-like immune system and makes things miserable.

And now, right on schedule, I’m sick. The last time I was sick was 2014.

My throat hurts, my head hurts, I am a snot volcano, and I have to stand up in front of 600 people and teach tomorrow.



Probably. It’s been about four years since the last time I got sick, so I’d be right on schedule.

Let’s see.

I feel like DEATH

It’s rare for me to feel sick. It’s even rarer for me to actually BE sick.

Right now I feel like I got hit by a semi and am alternately getting blasted by waves of burning hot wind and arctic cold tornadoes. Temperature = 102.3, which is ridiculously high for me.

So it’s an “I feel like miserable crap pity party” time here. Hopefully this will go away by tomorrow, ‘cause I need to clean/pack/play Fallout.

Yes, I can’t even concentrate long enough to play Fallout—I DO feel crappy.


Edit: holy freaking crap, President Obama is turning 50 this year? He looks really young.

Too sick to do anything but reminisce

I’m way to freaking sick to do anything productive today. Therefore, you get random MSN Messenger quotes from me. Because all I did today was reread the histories of my conversations. Note the surprising amount of times I say “spaghetti” and “orgasm” in the same sentence.

Haha, I’m listening to the Bloodhound Gang and I’m at the part in Three Point One Four where he’s singing “VAAGIIIIIIIIINA!” and my dad’s upstairs yelling “what the hell are you listening to?!”

“Mobius strips always have one-sided relationships”

“Mobius strips: they’re never two-faced”

You didn’t have to watch Roy (my supervisor) suspiciously mouth an Otter Pop this afternoon, so you’re lucky in that respect

Haha, that’d be a great slogan. Welcome to the U of I, where the education system is backwards and plastic expands without reasonable cause

Microsoft: helping you fudge percentages 102% of the time

CNN: where obscure news headlines make you go “WTF?”
“Hundreds of Dead Fish Trap Residents”
“Snake Slithers into Reporter’s Pants”
“Asst. Principal Arrested for Pimping”

*nom nom nom* “Where’s your director’s cut now?!” *nom nom nom*

When all else fails, play Rock Band

But now I have spaghetti, and it tastes orgasmic

U of I Don’t Know What the Hell We’re Doing

Scandinavia produces amazingly hot people
Hot as in “sexy,” of course, ’cause it’s cold up there

I’m orgasming over this freaking amazing spaghetti

Damn you, Godel!

Unless he’s (Aaron’s) drunk, in which case he’s fallen out of the drumming chair and is on the floor giggling

Fuck the comma!
(Quite different from “fuck, the comma!”)


Sean says: you should play this game
This is Not a Screen Name says: I can’t, I’m writing a gay love scene
Sean says: …
This is Not a Screen Name says: Wanna read it?
Sean says: …
Sean says: …
Sean says: …maybe

I need someone else to dress as Newton so we can have some sort of dramatic calculus duel or something

Can I put up that one where you look like you’re taking a crap on the bus?

“Let’s go see what’s going on on my page OH MY GOD MY EARS!”

Also, that zeppelin game has consumed my soul

Let’s hope Ross had an influx of short dude’s pants malfunctions

Well yeah, but Newton was a bitch

My limbic system blows

I guess I’ll just have to love my dead sexy intellectuals on my own

Descartes has laser vision

You’ve guilt-tripped me into thinking I guilt-tripped you
How’s that for a Claudia moment?

Gee, it sure would help if I had my FREAKING NOTE

How in the world do you make a professional-looking collage?
Spellcheck the freaking magazine word cut-outs?
I seriously have much better things to do with my time than make a collage for a 300-level class
Like bitch about making a collage for a 300-level class, for example

Haha, at least the logic final will make sense, nothing like “from no premises, prove that love is universal”

So…you’re saying you’ve never wanted a dead guy down your pants?

 Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if popular American books and movies were made in England instead
“The Green Kilometer”
“The Colour Purple”
“Celsius 233”
Hahaha, “The Tony Blair Witch Project”

I don’t know who Tukey is, but he and his W test can die

Did you have one that was as grammatically incorrect as a sentence could be?
It was like, “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to live up to __________________”
I should have written in “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to write good proper” or something

It’s got rainbows on it, so it can’t be all bad

“Funeral Home Assistant”
“Job entails: moving bodies, lawn maintenance”
“Move this body over here, then go get the weed-whacker”

Oooh, and then my floppy disk turned into a hard drive and I RAM’ed you so hard up your USB drive that you ejaculated a CD

Who Would Jesus Punch?

Haha, man, I should not have gone to classes today. The only reason I went, actually, is because we had stats homework due. Which (of course) was my last class. And the homework (of course) was pushed back to be due on Wednesday, since a bunch of people apparently frantically emailed him in the morning, saying that they couldn’t get the fourth problem.

Oh, and apparently I decided to get up sometime last night and pull about 30 Kleenexes out of the box, ‘cause they were strewn all over my room this morning.


Fever sleeps are great.



Aloha from the tropical heat wave of a 102 degree fever!

I don’t know what’s up with me today. I have a 102 degree fever that came out of nowhere with no other symptoms of anything.


I’m rather loopy.


So what did I do? I worked on Matt’s flash.

Which—I know, I know—appears to have fallen through the cracks of craziness, but it’s still in production. Don’t worry. And it’s even stranger now, thanks to these extra six degrees.