Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s been like 40 decades since I last posted.
I’M SORRY. Life happened.
I’ll try to be better, I promise.
The upside is that if you end up having nothing to do in the next few weeks, you can spend your time reading up on how my life’s been going. Because there’s nothing more exciting than that, right?
For those of you who don’t give enough of a crap to read each and every single one of the 282 (!!!!!) new blogs, I don’t blame you. Here’s a summary:
- More teaching
- Unrelenting and unexplainable sadness
- Lots of walking
- A few really good songs
- More walking
- More teaching
- MOAR SADNESS
There, I just saved you like an hour.
Now I’m off to disappear for another half of a year (hopefully I’m just kidding.)
Edit: SORRY I FORGOT HERE HAVE SIX OF THEM
So I’ve been blogging for 11 years now! At the rate I’ve been posting blogs lately, you might get to see this by year 12, but hey.
11 years ain’t bad.
But it’s not special enough to have anything more than just one post acknowledging it, so that’s that.
Holy hell, I’ve been doing this nonsense for 4,000 days.
That’s almost 11 years, people.
As usual, thanks to all of you who read this regularly. Hell, some of you read this more regularly than I update it. Sorry about that. Life, apathy, and general disdain for my own existence has kept me from giving a crap about this blog.
You know how it goes.
*looks at Eigenblogger*
*realizes I haven’t published a blog post in 180+ days*
*gets motivation to publish posts*
*looks at 85-page Word document containing posts to publish*
*doesn’t publish posts*
Rinse and repeat.
SCREW THIS BLOG, SCREW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS BLOG, I’MMA GO EAT TWENTY BOXES OF CEREAL BECAUSE BLOGGING SUCKS
It has come to my attention that it’s been like four years since I last updated my “100 Things” tab.
So I need to update it.
And I’m going to blog about updating it for today’s post, ‘cause if I have to maintain this dumpster fire of a blog, you have to read about it.
- I’m an INTJ (very strong on the I, T, and J; fairly weak on the N).
- I’m a hard determinist.
- I have a large collection of ostentatious socks.
I don’t wear them as much anymore because 99% of the time I’m wearing socks, I’m out walking, so they’re my dingy walking socks. But I still have the collection.
- My hair is naturally black and is apparently impervious to bleaching attempts.
The sun has given it a good bleach over the past few years. The hair covered by my hat is still super black, but the “long” part is a little brown now.
- I try to give at least one compliment a day—if not verbally, than at least in my mind.
- I love to list, sort, alphabetize, categorize, and organize. In my past life I was a Rolodex.
Sometimes I get Rolodex flashbacks and wake up from a fugue during which I’ve consumed a packet of index cards in a futile attempt to restore what I once was.
- I have anosmia. Don’t worry, it’s not catching.
Pretty sure this one’s never going to change.
- I do much better upholding my long-term goals than my short-term ones.
Same with this one.
- I don’t drink pop/soda/whatever you want to call it. Never have, never will.
- My first word was “tick-tock.”
I was anal about time even when I was a baby. Fitting.
- I have very small handwriting.
I think Nate’s is smaller, but mine is still pretty small.
- I like airports, both being in them and living near them. I’m one of those weirdos who likes the sound of planes coming and going.
- I can fold my entire outer ear into my ear canal.
I should specify that I can do this with the ear that does not contain the industrial piercing. The barbell makes this difficult.
- I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.
- To me, the Galton board(quincunx, bean machine) demonstrates one of the most beautiful phenomena ever.
- I have a very good aural memory.
I still think this is true, but to a certain degree. I think it’s aural specifically with an inclination towards being able to remember music/melodies. Any time I watch a movie I haven’t seen since childhood, I remember the melody/cadence/musicality of character’s words more than the words themselves. Hell, I remember when I was a kid that I often had a hard time understanding the distinct words characters were saying in movies/on TV, but I could commit the “song” of their words to memory in a second.
- I get super obsessed with things once I decide I like them.
- I did four years of undergraduate work in 2 ½ years and got my first college degree when I was 20. I don’t recommend this approach for those of you who are strongly attached to your sanity.
I’d do it again. I’D DO IT AGAIN!
- I like serif better than sans serif fonts.
Yes. Except for my class notes, where I use Arial because I think it looks really clean.
- My favorite word is syzygy.
- I like numbers that are divisible by five and/or ten. I’ve had that preference for as long as I can remember.
It’s really hard for me to “start” anything (e.g., using a new pair of shoes, changing a workout routine, using a new palette of foundation) unless it’s on one of those “nice” divisible days of the month.
- My favorite number is 100.
I dunno. I think 11 is the winner now.
- I think the need for the interrobang warrants its restoration in common written English.
Meh. Meh?! MEH‽
- Physically, I’m a lot stronger than I look.
My legs are. My upper body’s not.
- I’m not much of a movie person, but I enjoy disaster movies (the less scientifically accurate, the better) and movies about space. My favorite movie is Sunshine (way underrated, go watch it!)
Disaster movies are the best. Space disaster movies are even better. Space disaster movies that ignore 99% of physics and logic are amazing. The best (worst?) disaster movie, though, is Atomic Train. Find it. Enjoy it.
Edit: HOLY HELL IT’S ON YOUTUBE
- I love walking as a form of exercise, but only if I have some way to keep track of my steps/mileage.
- I recite a letter of the alphabet per every twist of an apple stem to find the first initial of the person I’m destined to marry, ‘cause I’m just that mature.
Hahaha, I haven’t done this in forever. Partially because I’m married now. The apple stems LIE, I never got to the “N” and yet I married a Nate.
- I used to sing the Frosted Flakes “Hey Tony!” song incessantly. There are hours of video of this phenomenon.
Yup. My poor mom.
- I admittedly like the sound of auto-tune.
I do indeed.
- I identify strongly with the belief of hylozoism (but not completely).
The universe is life. Life is the universe.
- My favorite artists are Salvador Dali and M. C. Escher.
- I don’t wear jeans. I don’t see how denim could ever be comfortable.
I’m now more forgiving with what types of pants I’ll wear than I used to be. Hell I have an actual factual pair of denim jeans in my closet.
- I think European men’s fashionfrom the late 18th century is astoundingly gorgeous.
- My sole talent in this life is being able to re-write song lyrics on the fly. I think it’s because my mom played a lot of Weird Al when I was growing up.
I still do this a lot.
- I’m surprisingly old fashioned about a number of things, some of which I am none too proud of and thus don’t discuss.
…Yeah, I’d say this is still true to an extent.
- I very much love the United States of America, flaws and all. I think it’s an amazing country with a fascinating history. Living outside of it has made me appreciate it even more.
- When I was younger, I truly thought I exerted some sort of control over the wind. During recess I would stand out on the field and wave my arms around like an idiot trying to make a tornado.
I wanted to be the “wind” Planeteer. I can’t remember her name now off the top of my head.
- I also thought a flying machine made out of cardboard was structurally sound enough for flight and would perform like a 747 if I could only get it to take off.
I wanted a flying machine so badly.
- I have a somewhat odd fascination with the kilogram as a unit of measure. Look it up, it’s got an interesting history.
- There are some days when I have this incredible compassion towards the whole of humanity. There are other days where I just want to stab everyone.
- I’m a fast walker.
I’m a lot faster now than I was when I wrote this, haha. I try for an average of 4.5 mph or faster.
- Within the first few seconds of entering a new room (or in a car/plane/bus), I silently figure out the best place to take cover if a disaster (earthquake, fire, hostage situation, etc.) were to occur.
- I would love to go to Antarctica. The only thing stopping me is the fact that for an ordinary citizen like myself, I’d pretty much have to get down there via a cruise, and I don’t feel comfortable about wreaking that amount of environmental damage to the delicate ecosystem just so I can satisfy an urge to hug the southernmost continent. That, and cost issues.
- I need schedules. I will start stabbing people if I don’t have a schedule.
I think I drive everyone nuts when I demand some sort of schedule for the proceedings of the day.
- I make a lot of stabbing jokes. I’m in reality a very gentle person.
- It bothers me when people judge others based on their musical tastes. To me, that’s like judging someone because of their favorite color. Cut it out.
Who gives a crap about what type of music someone else likes? To each their own, yo.
- In fact, it bothers me when people judge others at all. We’re all just human beings trying to survive. Live and let live if there is no harm being done.
I’m the world’s biggest hypocrite because I judge people on non-music-related petty garbage. I try not to, though.
- I’d rather arrive 30 minutes early for an appointment than be even one minute late. In fact, this is often the case.
- I’ve had more sexual dreams involving Lady Gaga than I feel comfortable admitting.
These have stopped
- The color red-orange makes me physically ill. Even the sound of it is nausea-inducing to me.
Ugh, red-orange is the worst.
- My body responds to super-high levels of stress by sleeping through whatever is the cause of the stress. So far, I have nearly slept through an important statistics test, my first-round state drama performance, a big geography final, a major English presentation, the GRE, my final presentation for a measurement class, and the GRE (again).
Not so much anymore, I don’t think. Probably because I no longer sleep.
- Simple things like showering, making dinner, walking to the bus, and combing my hair make me really nervous for some reason.
- I have the immune system of a god. I may have gotten worthless genetic scratch tickets when it comes to attractiveness, but I won the genetic jackpot when it comes to physical health.
My immune system is the only part of me that I don’t passionately hate.
- I’m not much of a TV person, but I’m totally obsessed with Metalocalypse. I don’t really know why. It’s so stupid it’s genius.
Metalocalypse is the best.
- I type like I think in my blogs, which is why there is frequent utilization of caps lock, lots of lists, parentheticals, and references to completely irrelevant stuff.
- I will go to fantastic lengths to avoid having to talk to someone over the phone.
Phones are Satan disguised as a mouthpiece.
- I dress like I stood in front of an exploding Crayola factory. I have come to terms that no one will ever take me seriously as an adult because of this.
I’ve actually tried to tone this down just a little bit so that I’d taken a little bit seriously. Have to get the lecturing spots if I can.
- My clothes are organized in ROYGBIV fashion in my closet.
Still true. It’s glorious.
- I have a hard time with change. The concept, not the coins.
Change gives me unholy anxiety. The past year or so has been nothing but change, both for me and my family. Maybe that’s why I feel like garbage all the time.
- I can’t do simple math in my head. I’ve never been able to. Ask me what 7 + 6 is and I’ll sit there for an unnaturally long period of time before I eventually give you an answer.
I don’t think this will ever change.
- Because of this, I use a calculator to check ridiculously simple calculations. “What’s seven minus two? BREAK OUT THE TI-83!”
Is this embarrassing when I have to do an on-the-fly calculation during lecture and pretend I’m not frantically typing it into my calculator? Yes.
- In second grade I spent half the school year with a refrigerator box around my desk with a little window cut out of it so I could see what was going on during class. I have no idea why they let me get away with that.
Because I was awesome, that’s why.
- I’m horrible with money. I don’t go on $10,000 shopping sprees or anything like that, but I’m terrible at keeping track of my spending.
I’m trying to do better.
- I spend waaaaaaay too much time on the internet. So much so that I sometimes think in memes (e.g., “Bathroom! Y U no clean yourself?”).
As a highly reblogged Tumblr post puts it, “I spend so much time on the internet I sometimes worry I’m Internet Georg.”
- I love big cities.
Calgary is amazing. I also just quickly glanced at that and thought it read “I love big titties” because clearly that’s something I think all the time.
- Between the years 2006 and 2012, I moved houses at least once every 12 months. In my lifetime, I’ve moved nearly 30 times (most of those within one town).
I think the “move every year or so” thing has finally stopped. Hopefully.
- Apart from the Iowa Test of Basic Skills, I have scored terribly on every standardized test I’ve ever had to take. That’s talent.
Man, I rocked those Iowa Test of Basic Skills. I was in the 90-percentiles for everything except that stupid “estimation” math portion.
- I use Internet Explorer and I am not ashamed.
No more IE for me. I have turned to the dark side that is Chrome.
- I had a major crush on Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast when I was a kid. Yes, the crush was for him in candelabra form, not human form. Yes, I was a weird child. What can I say? He was hot. Literally.
Lumiere is the best.
- Dragonflies frighten me.
Dragonflies are the worst.
- I find the passing of a year extremely sad. Every New Year’s Eve I find a quiet moment to go sit alone and cry for a bit.
New Year’s is a very hard time for me. I have no idea why it’s so sad, but it is.
- I am quite possibly the least photogenic person on this planet. Do you know how many shots it took me to get that semi-decent picture I have up for this blog? Hundreds. Literally.
I’d need so much plastic surgery to even be “vaguely” attractive, man.
- I have a strong dislike for cell phones/talking on the phone/having to listen to other peoples’ obnoxiously loud phone conversations in public places. I’m also not a big fan of Twitter or Facebook. KIDS THESE DAYS.
Facebook is meh. I don’t have a lot of friends on there and don’t really care too much about what they are all up to. The ONLY things Twitter is good for is a) baseball game updates (my mom was right, Twitter’s actually good for sport-related stuff), and b) being meta and using it making fun of Twitter.
- I always have to have a way to be able to tell what time it is.
Both my wristwatch and my Fitbit broke a while back, and it’s causing a nice low level of anxiety not having a thing on my wrist that’ll tell me the time.
- My favorite period of world history is the European Age of Enlightenment. My favorite period of U.S. History is the American Revolution.
Both still true. Though I could narrow down my favorite period to July 1, 1646 to November 14, 1716. Because of reasons.
- My favorite book plot-wise is The Caine Mutiny by Herman Wouk, my favorite book character-wise is The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and my favorite book stylistically is Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.
Still hasn’t changed.
- I’m pretty sure being forced to read To Kill A Mockingbird one more time would cause my brain to implode. I hate that book so much.
UGH THIS BOOK
- I wrote a lot of Star Wars fanfic in 1st grade.
I did. I did write a lot of Star Wars fanfic. Mostly about the droids.
- When I’m in the mood to sing along with my music, I generally like to sing some sort of harmony rather than the straight-up melody. It sounds cooler and I can pretend I’m a rock star.
I have a few songs that are really good for this. Dan Black’s Symphonies, Sugar Ray’s Chasin’ You Around, Toto’s Africa, to name a few.
- Calculus is absolutely fantastic. Calculus + Claudia = happiness.
I still want an integral tattoo on my body somewhere.
- Algebra + Claudia = I don’t know, ‘cause I can’t do algebra.
Algebra is the bane of my existence.
- Apparently I scowl a lot. It’s like my default face. I don’t do it on purpose, but it takes a lot of conscious effort not to. If that makes any sense.
Hahaha, I believe, in the time since I wrote this, the term “resting bitch face” has come into our vocabularies.
- I remember the first time I realized that I was an autonomous being that could make life-changing choices and could essentially do with my life what I wanted. That was simultaneously the greatest and worst feeling in the world.
I can’t remember how old I was when this happened, though.
- A cat we took in off the street pretty much adopted me when I was little (3 or 4) and used to follow me around wherever I toddled. She died one night on my bed as I sat awake crying. That night affected me more than a lot of the stuff that’s happened in the past couple of years.
I remember that night so very clearly.
- I find the sun very fascinating.
I think if I were to ever go back and get yet another degree, I’d try to focus on a path that would let me be a helioseismologist. Because how cool would that be?
- If I’m writing a formal paper, I need to create an extensive outline. If I’m writing fiction, I need to stay away from outlines entirely if the story’s going to be any good.
- Scrabble is my favorite non-computer game.
- I’m not a vegetarian, mainly because I don’t believe in valuing the lives of more “advanced” beings (pigs, cattle, etc.) over the lives of “simpler” beings (plants). This does not mean, however, that I support the animal cruelty that is so unfortunately synonymous with the U.S. beef/dairy/poultry/etc. industries.
I do feel fairly guilty whenever I actually eat meat (which is rarely) because of the cruelty issues.
- I went to a Catholic elementary school. Quite an experience for a non-Catholic.
Church was BORING and this Jesus guy was WEIRD and WHY did we have to eat his flesh and blood?!?!?!
- I think I have an abnormally frequent occurrence of double and triple numbers in my life, like 22 and 444 and 77 and such. Heck, I was born on 2/2/88 (which was the 33rd day of the year and had 333 days remaining in the year after it because it was a leap year).
I still think this is true. I see double- and triple-number a lot more than I think I should.
- I love Achievement Hunter. Sometimes I accidentally quote them around people who have no idea who they are and I get really weird looks. Seriously, try explaining Mark Nutt to somebody who doesn’t know AH.
I still love AH, but I honestly haven’t watched a single one of their new videos since Ray left. It’s not the same with out BrownMan.
- I am rarely without my headphones and iPod.
- I lived with four guys my last year of undergrad. We took Rock Band more seriously than our school work, bought out the dollar store every Friday night, won the war against the mice that were invading our house, and slacked off more than any college students should while still being able to graduate. It was the best year of my life.
I really miss that group of dorks sometimes. I wish we had all lived together longer.
- I was lucky and got blessed with two parents who are absolutely fantastic.
- I sleep 4 to 5 hours a night most nights.
More like 3 to 4 hours a night lately.
- Though I try to be eloquent when I speak and write, my inner dialogue is akin to that of a semi-inebriated frat boy.
I should change this to say “though I try to be eloquent when I speak and write formally,” because you’ve seen this blog. Nonsense writing is nonsense.
- Gordon Freeman is my favorite video game character, hands down.
Freeman is a rock star.
- Quake, Fallout 3, and the original Half-life are in a three-way tie as my favorite video games.
It’d be really hard to pick my absolute favorite of the three, though I think Quake and Half-Life are a little bit more favored than Fallout 3.
- I can identify most songs in my music collection within the first five seconds or so.
Once I get a fancy new video camera, I should do a week of vlogging.
Because the only thing that could make this blog worse is forcing you to look at my ugly face and listen to my grating voice as I spew the same boring nonsense at you from a different medium.
I’m still chugging away at my blog archives—getting everything organized, formatting my posts so that I can (hopefully) one day get them printed and have a hard copy of them, all that fun stuff.
Tonight, I took a quick break from this and decided to just look through all my old blog pictures for fun.
I’ve posted some weird-ass pictures.
Presented without context (to make it even weirder):
(Hint: it’s me.)
Sorry, people. It’s been a crazy summer. Marriage, job, thesis, all that fun stuff. Plus walking. Lots and lots of walking.
The blogs are up*; there are like 150-something of them. Plus a bonus of four earlier blogs that somehow got lost in the ether and never got posted when they were supposed to.
Honestly? You should just unsubscribe. You don’t deserve getting 500 emails saying “Stupid Eigenslacker Lady Just Mass-Posted 5 Months of Drivel, Go Check It Out!”
(I’m assuming that’s how subscriptions work.)
I don’t know how you put up with me.
*Everything should be up except for two of my weekly stats posts. They’re not posted yet because I can’t find the pictures that go with them. For some reason, they’re not will the dozens of other blog pictures I’ve posted over the past few days. Anyway. Once I find the piccys, I’ll post those two blogs, too.
HAHAHA BLOGGING GUIDELINES ARE FOR AMATEURS
1. Focus Your Content
*throws on fedora and stares hipsterly into the sunset* My focus…is everything.
2. Consistency Is Key
I can say with 100% accuracy that I am consistently horrible at posting these things on a daily basis. Or even on a monthly basis.
3. Traffic Has To Come From Somewhere
I have like three people who consistently read this garbage, and that’s all I need. I mean, I get that some people blog for status/fame/monies, but I don’t. Obviously.
Though I wouldn’t be upset if I got any of those things.
4. Don’t Lie In Your Titles
30% of my titles are puns, 50% of my titles are somewhat coherent non-puns, 10% of my titles are something like “alsdflajdfakdf”, and 10% of my titles accurately reflect the content in the following post. I see no lies here. I win!
5. 6 Figure Incomes, 4 Hour Work Days, and Vacations Don’t Come Easy
Are there any bloggers that have these things solely from blogging?
6. Quality Outweighs Quantity
7. You’re On Your Own
And that’s why these things get mass-posted every three months.
8. Do It For Anything But The Money
I wouldn’t want to get paid for blogging, honestly. Blogging is like my stress relief, ‘cause I have the freedom to post whatever the hell I want. Nobody’s paying me anything for what I say. If they did, I’d probably be way too stressed about posting and would probably never upload things.
I might have mentioned at some point over the last ten years that I’d really like to have a physical copy of my blogs. This is due to a few reasons. First, I’m super paranoid and would hate to lose all my blogs due to some sort of technical implosion (read: solar storm). Second, I’d like to see what it would look like to have all my blogs printed out and bound. I mean, I kind of did that at my five year anniversary, but there was little to no consistent formatting and I just had everything shoved into a three-ring binder. A big three-ring binder. Not very aesthetically pleasing. Finally, I just think it would be cool to have my blog on a shelf. Each year could be like an installment or something.
But anyways. The main challenge is figuring out how to go about this publishing process. I’d definitely have to have them published by blog year, as all of them together would be waaaaaay too many pages. Also, I have pictures and I want them to be in color, so that’s going to make it pricey no matter what I do. Here’s the frontrunner option I’m thinking about:
Lulu.com appears to offer several good choices as far as the size and layout of what could be printed. If I’m looking at all the options correctly, a hard cover, US letter-sized, 400 page colored book can be made for about $85. So approximately $850 for a decade of blogs. That’s a lot of money, but not super unreasonable, I don’t think.
There are probably other options out there, too, but this is the best I can find (that does as many pages as I would need for these freaking blogs). If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to tell me!
So I completely forgot to show you guys my Excel file full of all my blog data. ‘Cause I’m sure you all care about that, right?
Well, okay, this is just the very first part of the very first tab, but basically I’ve got a tab for each blogging year (May to May), containing the blog number (1 through whatever blog post I’m at now), year, month, day of the month, day of the week, how many words are in the post, the number of videos and images in the post, whether or not the post is marked as “private” (needing the password), the category of the post, and the title.
It makes me super happy, yo.
ANYWAY. Just thought you’d like to see from where I was pulling all those statistics I posted last week. I’m not just making crap up, I promise!
The last post I want to do for my Decade Statistics week is a post of some of my favorite titles, tags, and survey responses. So let’s get to it!
- Complex analysis: it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.
- A Dutch man once touched an electrically charged French Petri dish. It was a culture shock.
- Are disruptive anti-religious protestors weapons of mass destruction?
- Are Humorous Baristas called Brew-Ha-Has?
- Are invertebrates not allowed to drink Orange Crush?
- Are Leibniz’ fingerprints the best of all possible whorls?
- Are People In R.E.M. Sleep Losing Their Religion?
- Are people on the Atkins diet decarbohydrated?
- Are people who predict golf tournament wins considered fore-casters?
- Are the bulbs of mercury at the bottom of thermometers collectively known as H.G. Wells?
- Are Trivial Jackets just Petticoats?
- Aren’t clones technically carbon copies?
- Do auditioning court jesters have to provide a portFOOLio?
- Do babies deprived of disco exhibit a failure to jive?
- Do geology majors with honors graduate magma cum laude?
- Do ghosts enjoy Boo-lean algebra?
- Do hyperparameters have ADHD?
- Do Narcissistic Bookshelves post Shelfies?
- Do nervous guitarists fret a lot?
- Do obedient consonants respond to a Q queue cue?
- Do philosophy departments have Causal Fridays?
- Do physical comedians suffer from post-dramatic jest disorder?
- Does bread experience social loafing?
- Does Mother Nature drive a Fjord?
- Does |0| = −459.67?
- Had Lord Kelvin done nothing with his life, would he have been an “absolute zero”?
- If two hotels from the same company sleep together, is it considered inncest?
- Is a short spike in self-esteem considered a confidence interval?
- Is a theorem about pickles called a dill lemma?
- Is an admirable bakery product considered a roll model?
- Is Superman’s costume considered his strong suit?
- Would a passionate speech about horology be considered a glockenspiel?
- Of course someone’s always pushing the envelope. Otherwise it’s just stationery.
- Sun Tans: They Don’t Happen Overnight
- Are you ready for another emo Valentine’s Day blog? GOD KNOWS I AM
- Repressed sexual tension durng REM sleep? DON’T MIND IF I DO
- Stop whining or I will TURN THIS BLOG AROUND AND GO HOME
- Flu shots are BOGUS, I have the immune system of Zeus!
- I’m a colorless green idea, and I’m SLEEPING FURIOUSLY!!!!
- If Captain Planet isn’t your hero, you’re a COMMIE
- In Soviet Russia, handle flies off YOU!
- Swiggety swag, what’s in the ba-OH GOD BEES
- I AM ROOMBA HERE ME ROAR
- LET ME ‘SPLAIN YOU A THING, BRO:
- CLAUDIA’S INSANELY HYPER SURVEY OF INSANE HYPERNESS
- CRAIGSLIST YOU ARE MY ONLY COMPANION MAKE HOT SWEET LOVE TO ME YOUR PIC GETS MINE – 22 F
- HELLO GOOD SIR JUST STOPPING IN TO TELL YOU HOW AWESOME LEIBNIZ IS PIP PIP TALLY HO
- I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSISCO OH SHI—*collapses*
- TUKEY TUKEY BO BUKEY BANANA-FANA FO FUKEY ME MI MO MUKEY…TUKEY!
- *farting noises with mouth*
- Circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works…
- A Red Sea and its Better Half are Soon Parted
- I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot.
- I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil.
- My new position at the PepsiCo factory isn’t the greatest job in the world, but I’m making Dew
- If you want to eat an apple pie, you must first consume the universe
- In This Blog: Claudia Does a Dumb and Walks a Mile in -31 Degree Weather
- In This Blog: Claudia Drinks 16 oz of Red Bull and Tries to Write Shit
- Claudia the Bad Blogger Gives You YouTube Instead of Actual Content
- You can lead a Claudia to WordPress but you can’t make her update her blog
- “Don’t be afraid. I’m only a toaster. Plug me in. Go on. You’ll like it.”
- Some Days I Miss My Sanity. Other Days I’m Just a Toaster.
- “The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars” (or, “Salvador Dali Takes a Film Class”)
- Absolute Zero is a Government Conspiracy
- Emojis are dumb and so is your face
- Shel Silverstein’s “Where the Sidewalk Ends” is actually referring to every other block in Calgary
- Today was the Wrong Day to Wear Parachute Pants: A True Story
- “I just realized I’m illiterate and now I cacng apbtrtht kd thactgs”
- Facebook, you inconsistent freak show
- Don’t like product placement? Try an ice-cold Coca-Cola instead!
- Eminem is a rapper. M&M’s come in a wrapper. CONSPIRACY??
- Godot Divides by Zero
- Hello, I’m Erik Erikson and I have a silly name
- I love how Windows gets overly defensive when you try and move the location of the calculator
- I think Scooby Doo is in my pants
- In the beginning, Al Gore created http://
- It’s My Infinitive and I’ll Split It if I Want To!
- The Selfie of xXxDorainGray2000xXx
- Walk into the club like what up I got an infinite series
- When life gives you gators, make Gatorade
- Why doesn’t somebody buy Godot a watch?
- You say tomato, I say existential crisis
- “ENVIRO” IS NOT A WORD GODDAMMIT
- “stop bidding against me or I WILL INVADE YOU” is the fucking quote of the century don’t even argue with me
- (i’m not really a roomba i lied)
- *hand banana voice* “TNGHT…you.”
- at least my main man Leibniz is here for me
- australia u ok?
- blister party on toe 3 BYOB
- claudia bitches to the tubes
- claudia bitches about the tubes
- claudia bitches about the tubes to the tubes
- claudia goes on a date for the first time since the stone age
- dafuq do i tag this?
- dear god i hate twitter
- expressing anger in poem form is constructive right?
- friends don’t let friends purchase islands
- FROM BREADCRUMBS TO BUFF
- give us those flowers back you faker
- HAHA THOSE POOR SOGGY BASTARDS
- holy shit i used the “sports” tag
- i don’t get it gary (random spongebob reference for effect)
- i hate this goddamn font with all my soul
- i mean seriously how can not a single store in vancouver have bisquik
- I’m gonna sum some terms / only got an infinite number to figure / I’m I’m addin’ / don’t be lookin’ saddened / this is Maclaurin’s series (sung to the chorus of Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop”)
- I’ve used the “cap’n crunch” tag more than once?!
- let it go…let it go…it was fucking five years ago
- look at that worthless pie chart i mean seriously
- loop the loop take a poop
- MANLY SEAGULL IS MANLY
- mayans NO!
- OH GOD I HAVE TO TAG THIS?! poetry? is this poetry? i’m muthafuckin’ wordsworth
- OH WHAT IN THE HOT HOLY FUZZ FUCK IS THIS NOW
- revenge is a dish best served at 200 dB
- rise on the third day fungus jesus
- shit u dead son
- SUMMER DAYS DRIFTING AWAY TO OH OH THOSE SUMMER NIGHTS WELL-A-WELL-A-WELL-A HUH!
- SWIGGITY SWAG WHAT’S IN THE TAG?
- take that you damn fog
- the day we completely give up the ability to flush manually is the day we lose our dignity
- the state the state the state is on fire/we could really use some water
- what in the flying fuck of fucks
- yes i just used “penis costumes” as a tag what’re you gonna do about it?
- you and me baby ain’t nothin’ but aves so let’s do it on the porch until we make tons of babies (sung to the chorus of The Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch”)
Favorite Survey Responses
219.Have you ever seen The Exorcist?
Yeah, he lives down the block
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. A Pulitzer Prize
2. A taco
1. Are you in a relationship?: With my Tests and Measurements class. Yes, we’re a couple now. Yes, I’m seeking therapy for this.
31. Would you be a pirate?
Do you have any idea how many “booty” jokes I would be making? I would be ordered to walk the plank within my first half hour.
2. Shorter than 5’3″?
Shut up! You don’t know me! You can’t judge me!
3. In your pajamas?
No, actually, I’m 5’4″ in my pajamas.
11. DO YOU HAVE INTENSELY ROMANTIC DREAMS INVOLVING JOHN PHILIP SOUSA?
How…how did you know?
When/where was the last photograph you took?
Monday, in the SUB, for my “official” summer custodian badge thingy. Like there are going to be random people bursting into the apartments we’re cleaning and demanding to see proof that we’re supposed to be cleaning them.
Dude, that would make work so much more interesting.
*BAM* “WHERE ARE YOUR PROOFS OF IDENTIFICATION, YOU GSR-CLEANING HOOLIGANS?”
Who would clean these stupid rooms for fun, anyway? “Hey, it’s some idle Tuesday afternoon, let’s go break into the GSR and clean it!”
Has anyone touched/smacked your butt?
It’s called Marching Band. Actually, it’s called Beau the Pervert, but it usually goes on during marching band, so I’m calling it that.
Are you happy with your life right now?
*makes farting noises with mouth*
Are you strong enough for this survey?
I AM JESUS
Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand?
I put it in my hair. Shampoo is for hair.
How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
It makes me SO ANGRY
What is something silly you’ve kept for sentimental reasons?
318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be?
“Why is Jesus delusional about the moon?”
1804. Where do snowflakes come from?
God forgot to buy Head and Shoulders at Walmart last time he went.
1423. Are you jealous that dog can lick their own genitals?
If you could do that would you ever leave the house?
I think I would get sick of licking my genitals pretty quickly.
And that is probably one of the strangest sentences I’ve ever written.
1112. What rhymes with ‘orange’?
7. how high is your sperm count?
Hopefully very, very, very low.
984. What do you think of the Insane Clown Posse?
Fuckin’ posses, how do they work?
737. Do you know how heavy things like airplanes stay in the air?
Fuckin’ aerodynamics, how do they work?
753. When Jesus saves souls…does he trade them in for valuable prizes?
It takes a metric ton of souls to trade in for a resurrection. That’s why it took him three days.
3322. Why does the cheese stand alone?
Because that’s just its whey.
3369. Can you mashed potatoe?
Only if I’m Dan Quayle.
2367. What is the official language of Australia?
2588. Winkin, Blinkin and Nod, one night, sailed off in a sea of dew…
They had a fight with potato guns, pew pew pew pew pew! (I don’t know).
2692. If you are making out with someone and you reach down and find they have a fish tail instead of legs do you still fool around with them?
How did I not notice this pre-makeout?
4721. Why are so many letters silent in French?
Why pick on French? Why can’t English make up its mind about how to pronounce stuff? Why doesn’t English get cool little letter accents like other languages. HOW DOES SOMEONE WITH PARASIGMATISM EXPLAIN THEIR SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?!
4347. What would you do if there were no limits?
Reach the asymptote. HA MATH JOKE
4121. Is there a book inside of you?
I EAT PAPERBACKS FOR BREAKFAST
4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Datum means one
Data means two.
3684. Why is jesus always pictured as white when he came from the middle east and was probably middle eastern?
Making him white makes him automatically tortilla-colored for easy burrito appearances.
19: Are you a vegetarian?
I EAT SOULS
53: How often do you forget to close your parentheses?
NEVER! (Well, almost never (ha you see what I did there (oh god it doesn’t stop (FOR THE LOVE OF JEEBUS MAKE IT STOP
X) Do you think you’re a good person?
I’m a toaster.
Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?
When your pet comes in the room, do you say hi or just ignore them?
Each cat gets about a five-minute greeting.
34. Could you forgive a cheater?
HAHAHA, I thought that read, “could you forgive a cheddar” and I was like NO, cheddar is the asshole of the cheese world. He will take your gouda day and ruin it in the worst whey.
The sound of one hand clapping.
41: What do you do when characters don’t follow the outline?
I HAVE NO OUTLINE. I AM GODBERRY: KING OF THE PLOT
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
“Leibniz is sitting over there.”
37. if you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Leibniz. Alive, naked, and on my bed.
If you had the chance to travel back in time, would you?
Dude, you have no idea. Leibniz. Alive. Naked.
3731. What would make a cool coffee table book?
“1,001 Pictures of Naked Leibniz Doing Calculus”
4385. Name three highly specific things you look for in a potential mate?
Like, how specific is specific?
1. They wear a giant badass wig.
2. They invented calculus.
3. Their first name is Gottfried.
40: What historical figure would you like to have sex with?
Leibniz. INTEGRATION BY PARTS okay I’ll stop.
If you could steal one thing without consequence what would it be?
Probably something Leibniz-related. Like Leibniz. DON’T JUDGE ME.
If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
LEIBNIZ I DON’T CARE THAT HE’S DEAD BRING ME HIS URN I’LL BUY IT A SANDWICH
16. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?
I would make sweet, hot love to Gottfried Leibniz, 100% not kidding. HAHA OH WAIT I’M NOT EMBARRASSED TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THAT AT ALL.
That’s like how I start my conversations now.
“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m in love with a dead polymath and his incredible wig!”
Here’s to another decade of blogging!
Aloha, fools! Today’s Decade Statistics topics involve some of the weird ways people find my blog and which of my posts seem to be the most popular. These stats are going to be a bit skewed, ‘cause of my move over to WordPress from MySpace in 2010. But let’s just work with the WordPress data because MySpace is dead and nobody cares about pre-2010, anyway. Okay?
Ten Most Popular Posts on WordPress (2010 – 2016)
- Colored Beats!
- Multicollinearity: The Silent Killer
- Scrabble Letter Values and the QWERTY Keyboard
- The Periodic Table of Academic Disciplines
- TWSB: And here’s some eye surgery to creep you out for the rest of your life
- You’re the Na to my Cl
- Oh look, PayPal wants me to fill out a survey
- Gift of the Magikarp
- Adventures in R: Creating A Pseudo-CDF Plot for Binary Data
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is like a bad drug trip
Weirdest Search Terms on WordPress (2010 – 2016)
- jokes about leibniz cookies
- costco underwear
- man with foot on stool playing tambourine pics
- steve torso
- boastful toast is the toast with the most to lose
- thomas m disch, toaster (I like to think that the “toaster” part is Disch’s title, like how people put “PhD” at the end of a name. “Thomas M. Disch, Toaster.” I like it.)
- hipster balloons
- third degree noodle trauma
- if your a noodle and you know it clap your hands
- can’t get chitty chitty bang bang songs out of my head
- chitty chitty bang bang rule 34 (INTERNET, NO)
- how big is 100 grams of maize porridge
- dopey’s butt
- limber up and let me know that i am santa english
Hello again! Today we’re going to be talking about my blog categories. There are a total of 35 of them, and they break down as follows:
Posts per category
Words per category
Average number of words per post, by category
The “Surveys” category has such a high average (and total) word count because of my doing the 5,000 question survey in increments of 100 questions at a time, haha.
I’ll also give you my favorite post in each category, because I’m that exciting.
Animals: Asp caterpillars, aka Donald Trump in caterpillar form.
Art: A Flash I did about Millard Fillmore. It’s horrifically bad, which makes it fantastic. (Seriously, it’s so freaking bad.)
Blogging: I justify why my blog is important to me.
Books: I buy a copy of The Brave Little Toaster (book version) and gush about its awesomeness.
Dreams: Big Advertising vs. the Unbranded Man meet in an epic Grand Canyon showdown.
Entertainment: Our 7th grade reading group’s interpretation of Dune.
Events: Pictures from downtown Vancouver during the 2010 winter Olympics!
Family: My ancestry composition according to 23andMe.
Food: Tukey Sandwiches. Because statisticians deserve more food items named after them. Also, puns.
Games: A brief rambling about Gordon Freeman.
Health: My genetics and health risk factors, according to 23andMe.
Humor: What if the Founding Fathers communicated via chatroom? This is still my favorite blog post.
Internet: Holly Carp is real.
Life: 2009 me writes a letter to 2006 me.
Math: I explain what it’s like to struggle with doing mental calculations.
Miscellaneous: I accidentally inhale a bee and suffer predicable consequences.
Music: I re-write MC Hammer lyrics to be about proofs. ‘Cause that’s what you do when you’ve got a 25 credit semester to deal with.
News: Vancouver sucks.
People: A post about Leibniz. Shocking, huh?
Philosophy: I talk about why I think polymathy isn’t a thing that happens anymore.
Plans: What I would do if I won the lottery.
Quizzes: I discuss an in-depth aptitude test I took in 2005.
Rants: I spiral into a rage-induced rant triggered by Google.
Relationships: A blog about sex and a thing that happened to me once. [this used to be private, but I made it public because I think it’s important.]
School: What I learned during my first round of undergrad.
Science: The stability of a stool is analogous to the “stability” of a structural equation model.
Shopping: How many iPods can I buy?
Social: Sean ponders the purchase of an island.
Sports: The inanity of basketball team names.
Statistics: Nate and I play around with the standard deviation.
Surveys: I lie a lot.
Technology: Claudia vs. Apple stores.
Travel: Bad directions and big trees.
Work: Teaching intro stats to non-stats people is important to me.
Writing: An essay on concurrent discoveries throughout history, focusing mainly on calculus.
Hello, everyone! So today I’m going to be talking about totals and word counts and whatnot. So let’s do it!
Total number of blog posts: 3,653
Total words: 952,384
Total number of images: 1,839
Total number of videos: 603
Total number of private blog posts: 218
Word counts per blog year, month, day of the week, and (why not) day of the month:
And, just for fun, a word cloud of my titles.
So in honor of my decade of blogging, this week will be all about blog stats and such. I figured the best way to start off would be to go through each blogging year and make note of the “highlights” of the past decade. So here you go!
Year 1 (May 2006 – April 2007)
- Started blogging (duh)
- Graduated high school
- Took a cruise to Alaska
- Got my wisdom teeth removed
- Attended band camp for the U of I marching band
- Met two of my best college friends: Matt and Maggie
- Started college
- Met Sean
- Joined Facebook
- The Butt Song made its debut
- A (really crappy) play I wrote was performed in my theatre class
- I took Literature in Western Civilization II and realized that I wanted to study philosophy in more detail
Year 2 (May 2007 – April 2008)
- Went to a drag show, in drag, with Matt
- Started dating Matt at said drag show
- Got hired at my first part-time job: Wendy’s
- I took Tests and Measurements (PSYC 453) and realized that psychometrics was the area of psychology that interested me the most
- The 25-credit semester
- I spent most nights talking to Sean on MSN Messenger, usually until at least 1 AM
- Discovered Leibniz
- First date with Rob and all the subsequent Rob/Jessica drama that entailed
Year 3 (May 2008 – April 2009)
- Worked at the U of I as a summer custodian
- Discovered Metalocalypse
- Moved into the house with Sean, Aaron, Lanky, and Michael
- So much Rock Band
- Got my industrial ear piercing
- Broke up with Rob and dealt with all the drama that entailed
- Got to march a halftime show for the Seattle Seahawks
- Started dating Aaron
- Went to Hawaii with the band
- Went parasailing in Hawaii
- Got my B.S. in psychology
- Got accepted into UBC’s psychology graduate program
- Turned 21
Year 4 (May 2009 – April 2010)
- Got my B.S. in philosophy
- “Broke up” with Aaron (I use quotes because it was the most mutual, amicable break up there could ever be)
- Worked as an in-home caretaker for Seubert’s
- Took another cruise to Alaska
- I…did stuff. This is still private, but it’s worth mentioning because it’s important to me and I think at least one of you knows what I’m talking about
- Moved out of the house with the guys
- Moved to Vancouver
- Started grad school
- Realized my supervisor and I were not the most compatible of people
- Lots and lots of misery
- Lots and lots of rain
- NO REALLY IT RAINED THE WHOLE GODDAMN MONTH OF NOVEMBER I AM NOT EXAGGERATING I KNOW THIS REALLY ISN’T A BIG DEAL IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS BUT I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT IN THE SOGGY FUCK, VANCOUVER
- Won NaNoWriMo 2009
- Started downloading a new song per day
- The 2010 Olympics came to Vancouver. I walked around downtown and got to see the Olympic torch
Year 5 (May 2010 – April 2011)
- Moved to a new apartment in Vancouver
- Went to Boston for the APS conference
- Moved my blog from MySpace to WordPress
- Started walking for pleasure
- Won NaNoWriMo 2010
- Decided not to continue on to the PhD program at UBC
- Got accepted into the philosophy graduate program at UWO
- Went skydiving
- Thesis drama
- Was hospitalized for…reasons
- Ran a 10K (Vancouver Sun Run)
Year 6 (May 2011 – April 2012)
- I got really sick, both mentally and physically
- Was hospitalized again for…different reasons
- Successfully defended my thesis
- Got my M.A. in psychology
- Moved back to Moscow
- Took ANOTHER cruise to Alaska
- Saw Mount Rushmore
- Moved to London, Ontario
- Started grad school (again)
- Quit grad school (again) and moved back to Moscow
- Won NaNoWriMo 2011
- Moved to Marana, AZ to be with my mom
- Moved to Tucson, AZ with my mom
- Started working at Pima Community College as a Disabled Student Resources tech
Year 7 (May 2012 – April 2013)
- Moved back to Moscow
- Started working as a lecturer for the UI stats department
- Went back to undergrad
- Won NaNoWriMo 2012
- Worked as a data analyst for the Ag Department
Year 8 (May 2013 – April 2014)
- Had what was probably my most enjoyable semester at UI
- Walked 1,361.2 miles in 2013
- Got accepted into the University of Calgary’s statistics graduate program
Year 9 (May 2014 – April 2015)
- Got my B.S. in math
- Had to unexpectedly choose between University of Calgary and Carleton University for grad school
- Chose the University of Calgary and moved up there
- Met Nate and subsequently fell head over heels for him
- Won NaNoWriMo 2014
- Won a TA award for fall 2014
Year 10 (May 2015 – April 2016)
- Saw some of the oldest/biggest trees on the planet in the Grove of Titans in Jedediah State Park
- Went to my first MLB game and saw the Giants play the Braves at AT&T Park in San Francisco
- Saw the Grand Canyon for the first time
- Visited Yellowstone National Park
- Moved in with Nate
- Adopted Jazzy Cat
- Nate and I got engaged
- Walked 2,523.29 miles in 2015
- Won a TA award for fall 2015
- PhD program drama
- Blogged for 10 years straight!
Man, a lot of stuff can happen in a decade. Writing it all out like this makes it seem like I’ve really become a completely different person from the person I was when I first started this blog. Pretty snazzy, if you ask me.
So today is kind of a big deal for me. Ten years ago, on May 1, 2006, I gave in to peer pressure and started this blog with the intent of posting every day. Because it was 2006, this blog was started on MySpace and was basically just me rambling about my daily activities.
Since then, however, my blog has grown up a little bit, gotten its own domain name, and has become a little archive of my life since 2006, with a post for every day of every year since the blog was started.
So I figured it’s appropriate to acknowledge that today is my 10 year anniversary of blogging! Yup, believe it or not, there’s been a decade of this nonsense.
This coming week will be all about blog statistics and looking back on the past 10 years to see what’s changed for me (and what’s stayed the same). So that’s something to look forward to!
As always, I appreciate everyone who reads this (subscribers and passers-by), and I hope I’ve kept you entertained enough so that you’ll want to keep reading long into the next decade of my blatherings.
ZOMG guys, my one decade anniversary of blogging is one month away!
So here’s the plan: for the week following my decade post (which will be on a Sunday), I’m going to do some blog stats/analyses. I kind of did this back when I hit six years, but I want to be a little more comprehensive this time. I’ll have a huge spreadsheet of all my 10 years of data (including word count, category, title, number of pictures per post, etc.), so there will be a lot of stuff I can analyze.
And we all know I love doing that kind of stuff.
YAY, I’m excited.
It’s been awhile, huh? What, like five months?
Lots of things have happened in these past few months, and thing have gotten hectic and weird and when it comes to blogging in general I’m basically like this anyway:
So you can imagine what happens when I get busy.
Anyway, if you want the TL;DR version of the past five months, here are the highlights:
- I finished last semester without totally screwing up STAT 721
- Nate and I got engaged!
- I surpassed my goal of 2,500 walking miles for last year
- I’m stopping school after I get my Master’s this summer. It’s a long story.
- I forgot to update my blogs. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT
Yeah. Other stuff happened too, but those are the big things.
Oh, and of course:
I’ll try to be better, I promise!