Everything’s funny at 4 AM. Especially this.


Sean and I should not be allowed to talk on Messenger to each other so late at night/early in the morning. This particular conversation started about an hour ago, at 3 AM. We’d been talking since about midnight, and at this point Sean was pretty tired. But then I said one damn thing and we talked for another hour.

I have to say, this is probably one of the funniest MSN conversations I’ve ever had. Sean is amazing, I am amazing, and we’re both even more amazing this early in the morning.

I was going to fix the formatting to my standard, but then was all, “screw it, it’s 4 in the morning.” So you get what you get. And as if it needs mentioning, I’m “Action Leibniz!” and he’s “Giant Enemy Crab.”


Action Leibniz! says: Maybe you should go to bed before you purchase a small island or something
Giant Enemy Crab says: I need to be straight-jacketed promptly at midnight
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh man, my own island would rock!
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’m doing that RIGHT NOW
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, I just realized most of my Flash productions are made after midnight
Giant Enemy Crab says: holy gods
Action Leibniz! says: If your theory holds true, that explains a lot
Giant Enemy Crab says: this shit be expensive
Action Leibniz! says: Are you seriouly looking up islands?
Giant Enemy Crab says: well, it’s not like I’m just gonna stumble on to one, is it?\
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, Sean, go to bed!
Giant Enemy Crab says: hold on
Giant Enemy Crab says: I can totally afford this if I kill my whole family for their bank accounts
Action Leibniz! says: Hahahaha

Giant Enemy Crab says: [link]
Action Leibniz! says: Looks nice
Giant Enemy Crab says: someone is actually selling AN ENTIRE ISLAND on eBay
Action Leibniz! says: That’s awesome
Action Leibniz! says: At least their feedback score is 100%
Giant Enemy Crab says: hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: well good, that means they didn’t like void the warranty on it first or something
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, imagine the feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product as described: it was actually an island, yes”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “good value for price: yeah, I guess so, I don’t know how much fuckin’ islands usually go for”
Action Leibniz! says: “Very good climate, friendly natives, would buy from again! A+”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, yeah
Giant Enemy Crab says: “would totally buy from this seller again, but seriously – how many godsdamn islands do I need?”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: I mean, it’s kinda one of those things where you really only need one for the full effect
Action Leibniz! says: Apparently they usually sell beds
Action Leibniz! says: “Got the bed, slept in it, totally pleased!”
Action Leibniz! says: Awesome feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: man, this guy likes selling things that cost a lot and you don’t really find yourself shopping for that often
Giant Enemy Crab says: I mean, how many times in the last year have you bought a bed
Giant Enemy Crab says: let alone an island
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh, wait
Giant Enemy Crab says: it’s not the whole thing
Giant Enemy Crab says: WELL FUCK HIM, THEN
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’m not paying a million dollars for like part of an island
Giant Enemy Crab says: for that much, I get the whole damn thing!
Action Leibniz! says: I was going to say, that sounds awful cheap for a whole island
Action Leibniz! says: Hmm, personal hurricane bunkers
Action Leibniz! says: And missle silos
Action Leibniz! says: This guy has everything!
Giant Enemy Crab says: wow, I was AFK
Giant Enemy Crab says: missle silos?
Giant Enemy Crab says: for real?
Action Leibniz! says: $2.1
Giant Enemy Crab says: SOLD
Action Leibniz! says: Yeah
Giant Enemy Crab says: bwahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping costs to: 83843 – not listed”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: fucking FedEx won’t bring my island to me
Giant Enemy Crab says: what, I gotta go over there??
Action Leibniz! says: He never said I had to do that!
Giant Enemy Crab says: this was not in the item description!
Giant Enemy Crab says: I will leave a negative feedback now!
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: feedback: one negative:
Action Leibniz! says: “WHY CAN’T YOU SHIP THIS PIECE OF EARTH TO MOSCOW?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “I had to go to my island! I paid a MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS, WTF MAN??”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: Oh man
Giant Enemy Crab says: I love taht
Giant Enemy Crab says: that*
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping: see description”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it’s an island”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “we regret that we can’t send it anywhere”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it’s pretty much staying right where it is”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “go read a geology textbook”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “or, you know, just go outside now and again”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: Wow, that’s really funny
Action Leibniz! says: “Island Lake Superior”
Action Leibniz! says: It’s like, this is THE island
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: the one you heard so much about
Giant Enemy Crab says: here’s another one
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping: pickup only”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha, really?
Giant Enemy Crab says: why won’t they just let you post “COME ON, THERE IS NO FREAKING WAY THIS IS MOVING FROM WHERE IT CURRENTLY IS LOCATED”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “UNLESS LIKE A HUGE TYPHOON HITS IT BUT WE REALLY DON’T THINK YOU’D LIKE THAT ANY MORE THAN THE POOR BASTARDS WHO LIVE THERE”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, on the Lake Superior one
Action Leibniz! says: “The beach: words fail to describe it”
Action Leibniz! says: Then there’s a whole paragraph describing it
Giant Enemy Crab says: HAHAHAHA
Giant Enemy Crab says: seriously, I could describe it
Action Leibniz! says: I’ve been to all the beaches, man, and this one is the BEST
Giant Enemy Crab says: “mostly it’s sand, but you’ll notice as you go out there’s more and more water”
Action Leibniz! says: You might notice a point where you can’t breathe anymore. That’s the real deep part of the water
Giant Enemy Crab says: “after a certain point enough water is present that we can safely say the beach has terminated”
Action Leibniz! says: “But that’s not in the auction, you don’t get that, sorry”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, yeah
Action Leibniz! says: He probably has another auction: Lake Superior–everything BUT the island
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you only paid for the island, not the ocean too”
Giant Enemy Crab says: hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: imagine that description
Giant Enemy Crab says: “bargain: we sold some other tard just the island”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “You get the good stuff”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you get fish and water”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “both of which are marketable resources”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “but not to the degree you’re gonna make money”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “let’s not kid ourselves, here”
Action Leibniz! says: “Plus, your property can wash onto theirs in storms and destroy stuff, now how satisfying is THAT? Bid NOW!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you’ll show them”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “some hurricane comes? they’re FUCKED. you, your stuff just gets moved around some”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, that would be the best eBay product ever
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’d totally buy Lake Superior off an online auction
Action Leibniz! says: I wonder how much that would go for
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, they’d cancel my FAFSA loans
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: under assets I’d put “Lake Superior” and they’d be like “one thing this guy does not need is more money”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “what’s he gonna try to buy next, betelguese?”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahahaha
Action Leibniz! says: We need galaxies on eBay next
Giant Enemy Crab says: I would buy that without thinking
Action Leibniz! says: That would be so great
Giant Enemy Crab says: “why can’t you pay your rent again?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “there’s a small planetoid orbiting alpha centauri? preliminary flybys indicate it may be rich in iron deposits?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “oh man, you mock me now, but wait until the interplanetary mining trade takes off”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “I’ll be rich as shit”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Best excuse not to pay rent
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “don’t worry, I’ll pay up later, with interest!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: just as soon as we develop faster than light travel
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, exactly
Giant Enemy Crab says: now that’s planning ahead
Action Leibniz! says: Though technology to do so is probably on eBay somewhere
Action Leibniz! says: “Go faster than the speed of light using our amazing springy shoes!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, I’m gonna sell a perpetual motion machine
Action Leibniz! says: You’d get a complaint, “It stopped moving”
Action Leibniz! says: “You broke it, no refunds”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product matched description: not even! it quit after a few hours! poor seller! F—–“
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: semi-perpetual motion machine
Giant Enemy Crab says: it goes on for a bit then stops
Giant Enemy Crab says: it’d be like a little wheel hanging from a rim
Action Leibniz! says: Those should be marketed, people would fall for it so hard
Action Leibniz! says: “They’re getting closer!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it really works, too!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: science is sure amazing
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: much better feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product matches description: it really did stop after a bit! A+++++++++++++++++”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “We didn’t think it would, but after watching it for about fifteen minutes it really did!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: fifteen minutes?
Giant Enemy Crab says: they spun the wheel REALLY HARD
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, “fzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
Action Leibniz! says: “Best part: the dog brushed against it and it repeated the WHOLE PROCESS! Man, we didn’t think it would stop the second time, but it did!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: (for best results imagine the expression of someone making the above onomotopeia)
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: (slowly decreasing in pitch to simulate deceleration)
Action Leibniz! says: “New: comes with sound effects!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it kinda whirrs a bit”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “review: whirring noise was wrong pitch, but otherwise fine. overall positive experience if you’re willing to make concessions”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “That was NOT a B flat whir”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “tried to tune my violin to it: DIDN’T WORK AT ALL”
Action Leibniz! says: “Warning to other users: do not tune from this”
Giant Enemy Crab says: that’s the guy that bought the island but didn’t get Lake Superior
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: he’s still bitter because of erosion
Giant Enemy Crab says: sore loser, that one
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, oh yes
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh shit, it’s 4 now
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, I bet the really poor decisions will begin any time
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’d better go to bed
Action Leibniz! says: You should
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, I should, too
Giant Enemy Crab says: I was wondering if you ever sleep
Action Leibniz! says: When I get around to it
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, well, talk to you tomorrow
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, okay\
Giant Enemy Crab says: blah, after work
Giant Enemy Crab says: 7 hours is always too long no matter what
Action Leibniz! says: Agreed
Giant Enemy Crab says: then again, I just bid on an island, so I should start saving
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: anyway
Giant Enemy Crab says: おやすみなさい
Action Leibniz! says: Goodnight

One response

  1. […] Social: Sean ponders the purchase of an island. […]

    Like

What sayest thou? Speak!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: