The last post I want to do for my Decade Statistics week is a post of some of my favorite titles, tags, and survey responses. So let’s get to it!
- Complex analysis: it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.
- A Dutch man once touched an electrically charged French Petri dish. It was a culture shock.
- Are disruptive anti-religious protestors weapons of mass destruction?
- Are Humorous Baristas called Brew-Ha-Has?
- Are invertebrates not allowed to drink Orange Crush?
- Are Leibniz’ fingerprints the best of all possible whorls?
- Are People In R.E.M. Sleep Losing Their Religion?
- Are people on the Atkins diet decarbohydrated?
- Are people who predict golf tournament wins considered fore-casters?
- Are the bulbs of mercury at the bottom of thermometers collectively known as H.G. Wells?
- Are Trivial Jackets just Petticoats?
- Aren’t clones technically carbon copies?
- Do auditioning court jesters have to provide a portFOOLio?
- Do babies deprived of disco exhibit a failure to jive?
- Do geology majors with honors graduate magma cum laude?
- Do ghosts enjoy Boo-lean algebra?
- Do hyperparameters have ADHD?
- Do Narcissistic Bookshelves post Shelfies?
- Do nervous guitarists fret a lot?
- Do obedient consonants respond to a Q queue cue?
- Do philosophy departments have Causal Fridays?
- Do physical comedians suffer from post-dramatic jest disorder?
- Does bread experience social loafing?
- Does Mother Nature drive a Fjord?
- Does |0| = −459.67?
- Had Lord Kelvin done nothing with his life, would he have been an “absolute zero”?
- If two hotels from the same company sleep together, is it considered inncest?
- Is a short spike in self-esteem considered a confidence interval?
- Is a theorem about pickles called a dill lemma?
- Is an admirable bakery product considered a roll model?
- Is Superman’s costume considered his strong suit?
- Would a passionate speech about horology be considered a glockenspiel?
- Of course someone’s always pushing the envelope. Otherwise it’s just stationery.
- Sun Tans: They Don’t Happen Overnight
- Are you ready for another emo Valentine’s Day blog? GOD KNOWS I AM
- Repressed sexual tension durng REM sleep? DON’T MIND IF I DO
- Stop whining or I will TURN THIS BLOG AROUND AND GO HOME
- Flu shots are BOGUS, I have the immune system of Zeus!
- I’m a colorless green idea, and I’m SLEEPING FURIOUSLY!!!!
- If Captain Planet isn’t your hero, you’re a COMMIE
- In Soviet Russia, handle flies off YOU!
- Swiggety swag, what’s in the ba-OH GOD BEES
- I AM ROOMBA HERE ME ROAR
- LET ME ‘SPLAIN YOU A THING, BRO:
- CLAUDIA’S INSANELY HYPER SURVEY OF INSANE HYPERNESS
- CRAIGSLIST YOU ARE MY ONLY COMPANION MAKE HOT SWEET LOVE TO ME YOUR PIC GETS MINE – 22 F
- HELLO GOOD SIR JUST STOPPING IN TO TELL YOU HOW AWESOME LEIBNIZ IS PIP PIP TALLY HO
- I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSISCO OH SHI—*collapses*
- TUKEY TUKEY BO BUKEY BANANA-FANA FO FUKEY ME MI MO MUKEY…TUKEY!
- *farting noises with mouth*
- Circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works…
- A Red Sea and its Better Half are Soon Parted
- I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot.
- I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil.
- My new position at the PepsiCo factory isn’t the greatest job in the world, but I’m making Dew
- If you want to eat an apple pie, you must first consume the universe
- In This Blog: Claudia Does a Dumb and Walks a Mile in -31 Degree Weather
- In This Blog: Claudia Drinks 16 oz of Red Bull and Tries to Write Shit
- Claudia the Bad Blogger Gives You YouTube Instead of Actual Content
- You can lead a Claudia to WordPress but you can’t make her update her blog
- “Don’t be afraid. I’m only a toaster. Plug me in. Go on. You’ll like it.”
- Some Days I Miss My Sanity. Other Days I’m Just a Toaster.
- “The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars” (or, “Salvador Dali Takes a Film Class”)
- Absolute Zero is a Government Conspiracy
- Emojis are dumb and so is your face
- Shel Silverstein’s “Where the Sidewalk Ends” is actually referring to every other block in Calgary
- Today was the Wrong Day to Wear Parachute Pants: A True Story
- “I just realized I’m illiterate and now I cacng apbtrtht kd thactgs”
- Facebook, you inconsistent freak show
- Don’t like product placement? Try an ice-cold Coca-Cola instead!
- Eminem is a rapper. M&M’s come in a wrapper. CONSPIRACY??
- Godot Divides by Zero
- Hello, I’m Erik Erikson and I have a silly name
- I love how Windows gets overly defensive when you try and move the location of the calculator
- I think Scooby Doo is in my pants
- In the beginning, Al Gore created http://
- It’s My Infinitive and I’ll Split It if I Want To!
- The Selfie of xXxDorainGray2000xXx
- Walk into the club like what up I got an infinite series
- When life gives you gators, make Gatorade
- Why doesn’t somebody buy Godot a watch?
- You say tomato, I say existential crisis
- “ENVIRO” IS NOT A WORD GODDAMMIT
- “stop bidding against me or I WILL INVADE YOU” is the fucking quote of the century don’t even argue with me
- (i’m not really a roomba i lied)
- *hand banana voice* “TNGHT…you.”
- at least my main man Leibniz is here for me
- australia u ok?
- blister party on toe 3 BYOB
- claudia bitches to the tubes
- claudia bitches about the tubes
- claudia bitches about the tubes to the tubes
- claudia goes on a date for the first time since the stone age
- dafuq do i tag this?
- dear god i hate twitter
- expressing anger in poem form is constructive right?
- friends don’t let friends purchase islands
- FROM BREADCRUMBS TO BUFF
- give us those flowers back you faker
- HAHA THOSE POOR SOGGY BASTARDS
- holy shit i used the “sports” tag
- i don’t get it gary (random spongebob reference for effect)
- i hate this goddamn font with all my soul
- i mean seriously how can not a single store in vancouver have bisquik
- I’m gonna sum some terms / only got an infinite number to figure / I’m I’m addin’ / don’t be lookin’ saddened / this is Maclaurin’s series (sung to the chorus of Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop”)
- I’ve used the “cap’n crunch” tag more than once?!
- let it go…let it go…it was fucking five years ago
- look at that worthless pie chart i mean seriously
- loop the loop take a poop
- MANLY SEAGULL IS MANLY
- mayans NO!
- OH GOD I HAVE TO TAG THIS?! poetry? is this poetry? i’m muthafuckin’ wordsworth
- OH WHAT IN THE HOT HOLY FUZZ FUCK IS THIS NOW
- revenge is a dish best served at 200 dB
- rise on the third day fungus jesus
- shit u dead son
- SUMMER DAYS DRIFTING AWAY TO OH OH THOSE SUMMER NIGHTS WELL-A-WELL-A-WELL-A HUH!
- SWIGGITY SWAG WHAT’S IN THE TAG?
- take that you damn fog
- the day we completely give up the ability to flush manually is the day we lose our dignity
- the state the state the state is on fire/we could really use some water
- what in the flying fuck of fucks
- yes i just used “penis costumes” as a tag what’re you gonna do about it?
- you and me baby ain’t nothin’ but aves so let’s do it on the porch until we make tons of babies (sung to the chorus of The Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch”)
Favorite Survey Responses
219.Have you ever seen The Exorcist?
Yeah, he lives down the block
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. A Pulitzer Prize
2. A taco
1. Are you in a relationship?: With my Tests and Measurements class. Yes, we’re a couple now. Yes, I’m seeking therapy for this.
31. Would you be a pirate?
Do you have any idea how many “booty” jokes I would be making? I would be ordered to walk the plank within my first half hour.
2. Shorter than 5’3″?
Shut up! You don’t know me! You can’t judge me!
3. In your pajamas?
No, actually, I’m 5’4″ in my pajamas.
11. DO YOU HAVE INTENSELY ROMANTIC DREAMS INVOLVING JOHN PHILIP SOUSA?
How…how did you know?
When/where was the last photograph you took?
Monday, in the SUB, for my “official” summer custodian badge thingy. Like there are going to be random people bursting into the apartments we’re cleaning and demanding to see proof that we’re supposed to be cleaning them.
Dude, that would make work so much more interesting.
*BAM* “WHERE ARE YOUR PROOFS OF IDENTIFICATION, YOU GSR-CLEANING HOOLIGANS?”
Who would clean these stupid rooms for fun, anyway? “Hey, it’s some idle Tuesday afternoon, let’s go break into the GSR and clean it!”
Has anyone touched/smacked your butt?
It’s called Marching Band. Actually, it’s called Beau the Pervert, but it usually goes on during marching band, so I’m calling it that.
Are you happy with your life right now?
*makes farting noises with mouth*
Are you strong enough for this survey?
I AM JESUS
Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand?
I put it in my hair. Shampoo is for hair.
How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
It makes me SO ANGRY
What is something silly you’ve kept for sentimental reasons?
318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be?
“Why is Jesus delusional about the moon?”
1804. Where do snowflakes come from?
God forgot to buy Head and Shoulders at Walmart last time he went.
1423. Are you jealous that dog can lick their own genitals?
If you could do that would you ever leave the house?
I think I would get sick of licking my genitals pretty quickly.
And that is probably one of the strangest sentences I’ve ever written.
1112. What rhymes with ‘orange’?
7. how high is your sperm count?
Hopefully very, very, very low.
984. What do you think of the Insane Clown Posse?
Fuckin’ posses, how do they work?
737. Do you know how heavy things like airplanes stay in the air?
Fuckin’ aerodynamics, how do they work?
753. When Jesus saves souls…does he trade them in for valuable prizes?
It takes a metric ton of souls to trade in for a resurrection. That’s why it took him three days.
3322. Why does the cheese stand alone?
Because that’s just its whey.
3369. Can you mashed potatoe?
Only if I’m Dan Quayle.
2367. What is the official language of Australia?
2588. Winkin, Blinkin and Nod, one night, sailed off in a sea of dew…
They had a fight with potato guns, pew pew pew pew pew! (I don’t know).
2692. If you are making out with someone and you reach down and find they have a fish tail instead of legs do you still fool around with them?
How did I not notice this pre-makeout?
4721. Why are so many letters silent in French?
Why pick on French? Why can’t English make up its mind about how to pronounce stuff? Why doesn’t English get cool little letter accents like other languages. HOW DOES SOMEONE WITH PARASIGMATISM EXPLAIN THEIR SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?!
4347. What would you do if there were no limits?
Reach the asymptote. HA MATH JOKE
4121. Is there a book inside of you?
I EAT PAPERBACKS FOR BREAKFAST
4021. Write a poem right here in five minutes or less:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Datum means one
Data means two.
3684. Why is jesus always pictured as white when he came from the middle east and was probably middle eastern?
Making him white makes him automatically tortilla-colored for easy burrito appearances.
19: Are you a vegetarian?
I EAT SOULS
53: How often do you forget to close your parentheses?
NEVER! (Well, almost never (ha you see what I did there (oh god it doesn’t stop (FOR THE LOVE OF JEEBUS MAKE IT STOP
X) Do you think you’re a good person?
I’m a toaster.
Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?
When your pet comes in the room, do you say hi or just ignore them?
Each cat gets about a five-minute greeting.
34. Could you forgive a cheater?
HAHAHA, I thought that read, “could you forgive a cheddar” and I was like NO, cheddar is the asshole of the cheese world. He will take your gouda day and ruin it in the worst whey.
The sound of one hand clapping.
41: What do you do when characters don’t follow the outline?
I HAVE NO OUTLINE. I AM GODBERRY: KING OF THE PLOT
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
“Leibniz is sitting over there.”
37. if you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Leibniz. Alive, naked, and on my bed.
If you had the chance to travel back in time, would you?
Dude, you have no idea. Leibniz. Alive. Naked.
3731. What would make a cool coffee table book?
“1,001 Pictures of Naked Leibniz Doing Calculus”
4385. Name three highly specific things you look for in a potential mate?
Like, how specific is specific?
1. They wear a giant badass wig.
2. They invented calculus.
3. Their first name is Gottfried.
40: What historical figure would you like to have sex with?
Leibniz. INTEGRATION BY PARTS okay I’ll stop.
If you could steal one thing without consequence what would it be?
Probably something Leibniz-related. Like Leibniz. DON’T JUDGE ME.
If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
LEIBNIZ I DON’T CARE THAT HE’S DEAD BRING ME HIS URN I’LL BUY IT A SANDWICH
16. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?
I would make sweet, hot love to Gottfried Leibniz, 100% not kidding. HAHA OH WAIT I’M NOT EMBARRASSED TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THAT AT ALL.
That’s like how I start my conversations now.
“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m in love with a dead polymath and his incredible wig!”
Here’s to another decade of blogging!
Aloha, fools! Today’s Decade Statistics topics involve some of the weird ways people find my blog and which of my posts seem to be the most popular. These stats are going to be a bit skewed, ‘cause of my move over to WordPress from MySpace in 2010. But let’s just work with the WordPress data because MySpace is dead and nobody cares about pre-2010, anyway. Okay?
Ten Most Popular Posts on WordPress (2010 – 2016)
- Colored Beats!
- Multicollinearity: The Silent Killer
- Scrabble Letter Values and the QWERTY Keyboard
- The Periodic Table of Academic Disciplines
- TWSB: And here’s some eye surgery to creep you out for the rest of your life
- You’re the Na to my Cl
- Oh look, PayPal wants me to fill out a survey
- Gift of the Magikarp
- Adventures in R: Creating A Pseudo-CDF Plot for Binary Data
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is like a bad drug trip
Weirdest Search Terms on WordPress (2010 – 2016)
- jokes about leibniz cookies
- costco underwear
- man with foot on stool playing tambourine pics
- steve torso
- boastful toast is the toast with the most to lose
- thomas m disch, toaster (I like to think that the “toaster” part is Disch’s title, like how people put “PhD” at the end of a name. “Thomas M. Disch, Toaster.” I like it.)
- hipster balloons
- third degree noodle trauma
- if your a noodle and you know it clap your hands
- can’t get chitty chitty bang bang songs out of my head
- chitty chitty bang bang rule 34 (INTERNET, NO)
- how big is 100 grams of maize porridge
- dopey’s butt
- limber up and let me know that i am santa english
Hello again! Today we’re going to be talking about my blog categories. There are a total of 35 of them, and they break down as follows:
Posts per category
Words per category
Average number of words per post, by category
The “Surveys” category has such a high average (and total) word count because of my doing the 5,000 question survey in increments of 100 questions at a time, haha.
I’ll also give you my favorite post in each category, because I’m that exciting.
Animals: Asp caterpillars, aka Donald Trump in caterpillar form.
Art: A Flash I did about Millard Fillmore. It’s horrifically bad, which makes it fantastic. (Seriously, it’s so freaking bad.)
Blogging: I justify why my blog is important to me.
Books: I buy a copy of The Brave Little Toaster (book version) and gush about its awesomeness.
Dreams: Big Advertising vs. the Unbranded Man meet in an epic Grand Canyon showdown.
Entertainment: Our 7th grade reading group’s interpretation of Dune.
Events: Pictures from downtown Vancouver during the 2010 winter Olympics!
Family: My ancestry composition according to 23andMe.
Food: Tukey Sandwiches. Because statisticians deserve more food items named after them. Also, puns.
Games: A brief rambling about Gordon Freeman.
Health: My genetics and health risk factors, according to 23andMe.
Humor: What if the Founding Fathers communicated via chatroom? This is still my favorite blog post.
Internet: Holly Carp is real.
Life: 2009 me writes a letter to 2006 me.
Math: I explain what it’s like to struggle with doing mental calculations.
Miscellaneous: I accidentally inhale a bee and suffer predicable consequences.
Music: I re-write MC Hammer lyrics to be about proofs. ‘Cause that’s what you do when you’ve got a 25 credit semester to deal with.
News: Vancouver sucks.
People: A post about Leibniz. Shocking, huh?
Philosophy: I talk about why I think polymathy isn’t a thing that happens anymore.
Plans: What I would do if I won the lottery.
Quizzes: I discuss an in-depth aptitude test I took in 2005.
Rants: I spiral into a rage-induced rant triggered by Google.
Relationships: A blog about sex and a thing that happened to me once. [this used to be private, but I made it public because I think it’s important.]
School: What I learned during my first round of undergrad.
Science: The stability of a stool is analogous to the “stability” of a structural equation model.
Shopping: How many iPods can I buy?
Social: Sean ponders the purchase of an island.
Sports: The inanity of basketball team names.
Statistics: Nate and I play around with the standard deviation.
Surveys: I lie a lot.
Technology: Claudia vs. Apple stores.
Travel: Bad directions and big trees.
Work: Teaching intro stats to non-stats people is important to me.
Writing: An essay on concurrent discoveries throughout history, focusing mainly on calculus.
Hello, everyone! So today I’m going to be talking about totals and word counts and whatnot. So let’s do it!
Total number of blog posts: 3,653
Total words: 952,384
Total number of images: 1,839
Total number of videos: 603
Total number of private blog posts: 218
Word counts per blog year, month, day of the week, and (why not) day of the month:
And, just for fun, a word cloud of my titles.
So in honor of my decade of blogging, this week will be all about blog stats and such. I figured the best way to start off would be to go through each blogging year and make note of the “highlights” of the past decade. So here you go!
Year 1 (May 2006 – April 2007)
- Started blogging (duh)
- Graduated high school
- Took a cruise to Alaska
- Got my wisdom teeth removed
- Attended band camp for the U of I marching band
- Met two of my best college friends: Matt and Maggie
- Started college
- Met Sean
- Joined Facebook
- The Butt Song made its debut
- A (really crappy) play I wrote was performed in my theatre class
- I took Literature in Western Civilization II and realized that I wanted to study philosophy in more detail
Year 2 (May 2007 – April 2008)
- Went to a drag show, in drag, with Matt
- Started dating Matt at said drag show
- Got hired at my first part-time job: Wendy’s
- I took Tests and Measurements (PSYC 453) and realized that psychometrics was the area of psychology that interested me the most
- The 25-credit semester
- I spent most nights talking to Sean on MSN Messenger, usually until at least 1 AM
- Discovered Leibniz
- First date with Rob and all the subsequent Rob/Jessica drama that entailed
Year 3 (May 2008 – April 2009)
- Worked at the U of I as a summer custodian
- Discovered Metalocalypse
- Moved into the house with Sean, Aaron, Lanky, and Michael
- So much Rock Band
- Got my industrial ear piercing
- Broke up with Rob and dealt with all the drama that entailed
- Got to march a halftime show for the Seattle Seahawks
- Started dating Aaron
- Went to Hawaii with the band
- Went parasailing in Hawaii
- Got my B.S. in psychology
- Got accepted into UBC’s psychology graduate program
- Turned 21
Year 4 (May 2009 – April 2010)
- Got my B.S. in philosophy
- “Broke up” with Aaron (I use quotes because it was the most mutual, amicable break up there could ever be)
- Worked as an in-home caretaker for Seubert’s
- Took another cruise to Alaska
- I…did stuff. This is still private, but it’s worth mentioning because it’s important to me and I think at least one of you knows what I’m talking about
- Moved out of the house with the guys
- Moved to Vancouver
- Started grad school
- Realized my supervisor and I were not the most compatible of people
- Lots and lots of misery
- Lots and lots of rain
- NO REALLY IT RAINED THE WHOLE GODDAMN MONTH OF NOVEMBER I AM NOT EXAGGERATING I KNOW THIS REALLY ISN’T A BIG DEAL IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS BUT I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT IN THE SOGGY FUCK, VANCOUVER
- Won NaNoWriMo 2009
- Started downloading a new song per day
- The 2010 Olympics came to Vancouver. I walked around downtown and got to see the Olympic torch
Year 5 (May 2010 – April 2011)
- Moved to a new apartment in Vancouver
- Went to Boston for the APS conference
- Moved my blog from MySpace to WordPress
- Started walking for pleasure
- Won NaNoWriMo 2010
- Decided not to continue on to the PhD program at UBC
- Got accepted into the philosophy graduate program at UWO
- Went skydiving
- Thesis drama
- Was hospitalized for…reasons
- Ran a 10K (Vancouver Sun Run)
Year 6 (May 2011 – April 2012)
- I got really sick, both mentally and physically
- Was hospitalized again for…different reasons
- Successfully defended my thesis
- Got my M.A. in psychology
- Moved back to Moscow
- Took ANOTHER cruise to Alaska
- Saw Mount Rushmore
- Moved to London, Ontario
- Started grad school (again)
- Quit grad school (again) and moved back to Moscow
- Won NaNoWriMo 2011
- Moved to Marana, AZ to be with my mom
- Moved to Tucson, AZ with my mom
- Started working at Pima Community College as a Disabled Student Resources tech
Year 7 (May 2012 – April 2013)
- Moved back to Moscow
- Started working as a lecturer for the UI stats department
- Went back to undergrad
- Won NaNoWriMo 2012
- Worked as a data analyst for the Ag Department
Year 8 (May 2013 – April 2014)
- Had what was probably my most enjoyable semester at UI
- Walked 1,361.2 miles in 2013
- Got accepted into the University of Calgary’s statistics graduate program
Year 9 (May 2014 – April 2015)
- Got my B.S. in math
- Had to unexpectedly choose between University of Calgary and Carleton University for grad school
- Chose the University of Calgary and moved up there
- Met Nate and subsequently fell head over heels for him
- Won NaNoWriMo 2014
- Won a TA award for fall 2014
Year 10 (May 2015 – April 2016)
- Saw some of the oldest/biggest trees on the planet in the Grove of Titans in Jedediah State Park
- Went to my first MLB game and saw the Giants play the Braves at AT&T Park in San Francisco
- Saw the Grand Canyon for the first time
- Visited Yellowstone National Park
- Moved in with Nate
- Adopted Jazzy Cat
- Nate and I got engaged
- Walked 2,523.29 miles in 2015
- Won a TA award for fall 2015
- PhD program drama
- Blogged for 10 years straight!
Man, a lot of stuff can happen in a decade. Writing it all out like this makes it seem like I’ve really become a completely different person from the person I was when I first started this blog. Pretty snazzy, if you ask me.
So today is kind of a big deal for me. Ten years ago, on May 1, 2006, I gave in to peer pressure and started this blog with the intent of posting every day. Because it was 2006, this blog was started on MySpace and was basically just me rambling about my daily activities.
Since then, however, my blog has grown up a little bit, gotten its own domain name, and has become a little archive of my life since 2006, with a post for every day of every year since the blog was started.
So I figured it’s appropriate to acknowledge that today is my 10 year anniversary of blogging! Yup, believe it or not, there’s been a decade of this nonsense.
This coming week will be all about blog statistics and looking back on the past 10 years to see what’s changed for me (and what’s stayed the same). So that’s something to look forward to!
As always, I appreciate everyone who reads this (subscribers and passers-by), and I hope I’ve kept you entertained enough so that you’ll want to keep reading long into the next decade of my blatherings.
ZOMG guys, my one decade anniversary of blogging is one month away!
So here’s the plan: for the week following my decade post (which will be on a Sunday), I’m going to do some blog stats/analyses. I kind of did this back when I hit six years, but I want to be a little more comprehensive this time. I’ll have a huge spreadsheet of all my 10 years of data (including word count, category, title, number of pictures per post, etc.), so there will be a lot of stuff I can analyze.
And we all know I love doing that kind of stuff.
YAY, I’m excited.