The Second Continental Chatroom


THIS IS WHAT I DO WHEN I’M BORED.

This is my attempt to describe the events (or the night, more accurately) leading up to the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, as well as the writing of the Declaration of Independence, if the founding fathers had had computers, the internet, and a chatroom or two. Done in an hour.

Note #1: this is about as historically accurate as scientology is a credible theory, so keep that in mind while you read it (although some things that are thrown in there have some historical context). It’s mainly for entertainment.

Note #2: I tried to use “chatroom dialogue” for this thing. So that’s why like every third word is incorrectly spelled and/or an abbreviation.

Okay, that’s all. Enjoy!

The Second Continental Chatroom.
10 founding fathers.
2 chatrooms.
1 hell of a ride.

Here’s the key to the names:
GeorgeW = George Washington
Hancocky = John Hancock
AllAboutTheBenjamins = Benjamin Franklin
Tom = Thomas Jefferson
JMad = James Madison
John1776 = John Adams
Sammy = Samuel Adams
Alex = Alexander Hamilton
Liberty1000 = Patrick Henry
Sensible1 = Thomas Paine
TheKing = King George

>>>>>>>Logging on: Chatroom25<<<<<<<..:namespace prefix = o ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office” />

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed on)

(GeorgeW signed on)

(Alex signed on)

(Tom signed on)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Testing, testing…

GeorgeW: hello?

(John1776 signed on)

(Liberty1000 signed on)

(Sammy signed on)

John1776: is it working

Alex: yeah it is

Liberty1000: hi guyzzzzzzzzzzzz

(JMad signed on)

(Sensible1 signed on)

Sammy: awesome invention ben :P

Tom: yeah best so far

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Thanks guys

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I call it the “chatroom”

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I stole the patent from the English :P

John1776: lol

JMad: oh noes!

Sensible1: Haha

Alex: ho hum

Sammy: wat do we do now

(TheKing signed on)

TheKing: Teh King is hear!

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Uh-oh

JMad: its geourge

John1776: lol brit

Tom: hi geourge ;)

TheKing: shut up I don’t hvae a u in my name

Sammy: why r u folowing us around

Sammy: give us space

TheKing: stop running awy from me

TheKing: y arnt we friends anymore

Alex: cuz ur anoying

TheKing: no im not

Tom: yes you are

John1776: u keep telling us wat to do

John1776: and wont leave us alone

John1776: stop it

TheKing: shut up im the best guy youll ever meet

TheKing: im the kign

John1776: yea right

TheKing: >:(

TheKing: no!

TheKing: I am teh king!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

TheKing: I rule!

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Wow, he’s getting annoying.

Alex: k guys lets move 2 a diffrent room

Tom: k

(Alex signed off)

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed off)

John1776: alrite

(Sensible1 signed off)

(Tom signed off)

(John1776 signed off)

GeorgeW:  byebye gourge

(GeorgeW signed off)

(JMad signed off)

(Liberty1000 signed off)

Sammy: :P

TheKing: NO STAY HERE

(Sammy signed off)

TheKing: DAMN

>>>>>>>>Logging on: Chatroom05<<<<<<<<<<

(Alex signed on)

(John1776 signed on)

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed on)

Alex: this is much better

(JMad signed on)

(Sammy signed on)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Indeed.

(Sensible1 signed on)

(Tom signed on)

Alex: where’d pat go?

John1776: I dunno we mustve lost him

(GeorgeW signed on)

Alex: omg gorge is so dum

John1776: No kidding lol

GeorgeW: :(

Alex: No not you geogre

Alex: teh other 1

GeorgeW: o okay

John1776: ur teh cool george

GeorgeW: thx <3

JMad: btw did you see aaron today

John1776: lol ya

John1776: those socks where so stupid

JMad: ill give u 10 virginia dollars if u shout burrs a grrl next time u see him

John1776: lol deal

Alex: god i hate him

Alex: i wish i could shoot him

John1776: lol ur so vilent

Alex: hey he deserves it

John1776: youd prolly be the one 2 die, lol

(Liberty1000 signed on)

JMad: hey patrick

JMad: pat pat patty pat patrick patty pat pat pat patrick patricio pat patty fat pat patty patrick pat pat patty pat

Liberty1000: what

JMad: hi :P

John1776: lol

Tom: so ben wat did u do over in france

AllAboutTheBenjamins: The question SHOULD read, “WHO did I do over in France”

Sensible1: :O

GeorgeW: (  . Y . )

Liberty1000: omg u seriussssssssss

AllAboutTheBenjamins: ;)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: You know what I say

AllAboutTheBenjamins: “Girlies in bed and girlies when rise makes life healthy and full of surprise”

John1776: lol

John1776: u mite wanna change that for teh public

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I probably will

AllAboutTheBenjamins: What rhymes with “girlie?”

Tom: surly

Sensible1: Burly

Alex: curley

GeorgeW: early

Liberty1000: twirrly

AllAboutTheBenjamins: “Early” sounds good; I’ll try that

John1776: your so lucky ben i wish i could go to france

John1776: but abby would kill me

Sammy: lol

JMad: *whip crack*

John1776: :( tahts not nice

JMad: sorry

(Hancocky signed on)

Alex: uhoh guys better behave

Alex: hancocks online</span>

John1776: oh crap lol

Hancocky: WTF IS UP GUYZ

Alex: lol hi john

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Hey Johnny

Hancocky: THERES MY MAN

Hancocky: HEY JOHN ADAMS  

John1776: lol hey john hancock

Hancocky: TANKS FOR GETTIN THOSE SUGAR ACT GUYZ OFF MY BACK DUDE

John1776: np

Sensible1: hey hancock wanna get a smaller font

Hancocky: NO

Hancocky: I LIKE IT THIS WAY         

Sensible1: w/e

Sensible1: Why are you so obnoxious, john?

Hancocky: WTF PAINE

GeorgeW: yea dude

GeorgeW: you think your so hi and mighty just cuz your writing a book

GeorgeW: anyone could do that

Tom: i wish i could write something good :(

JMad: awwww poor t.j.

John1776: u can write good tom

Sammy: we <3 u Thomas

Tom: aw thnx :)

JMad: btw sam what do you have going on in your basement

JMad: ?

Sammy: nothin

JMad: liar

JMad: i kno you have beer lol

Hancocky: OMG WHERE

JMad: Sammys got beer in his basement

Alex: holy crap sam adams beer rocks

GeorgeW: u should pee in a bottle and sent it to geourge

John1776: lol

Alex: i h8 geourge

Alex: >:(

Sammy: me too

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I think we need to lay down the law with him.

Alex: definitely

Hancocky: TOTALLY

Tom: yes

Tom: it becomes nesessary for one people to disolve the political bands which have connected them with another

Tom:and to assume among the powers of the Earth the seperate and equal station to wich the laws of nature & of natures god entitle them

Tom: a decent respect to the opinons of man kind requires that they should declare the causes with impell them to the seperation

Tom: :P

GeorgeW: wow

JMad: dude write that down

Tom: haha, sriously?

<P class=MsoNormal style=”MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt”>Sammy: ya

John1776: do it

Alex: and add more

Tom: k

Hancocky: TOTALLY BASH GEOURGE IN IT TOO

John1776: yea write down all the crap hes done to us

Alex: ^ this

Tom: k what has he done

AllAboutTheBenjamins: He appointed those judges that were completely biased

JMad: those damn brit soldiers everywhere

JMad: can’t get them out of my house

Hancocky: I CAN’T TRADE DAMMIT

John1776: that doesnt stop u

John1776: lol

Alex: Taxes!!

Hancocky: I WAS ON TRIAL BECAUSE I TRIED TO TRADE BUT THERE WAS NO JURY

Sammy: i had to go back to england to go on trail

Sammy: sea sickness and all

Liberty1000: I’m boreed

Liberty1000: somebody talk 2 me

Sammy: l8r

Liberty1000: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeez

Liberty1000: pm me

Sammy: no were busy

Liberty1000: Give me a pm or give me death!!!11

Hancocky: DUDE SHUT UP

Alex: ya seriously u say that about everythign

Liberty1000: I do not

AllAboutTheBenjamins: You said it about my bran muffin the other morning

AllAboutTheBenjamins: I gave it to you too because I thought you were being serious

John1776: lol

Liberty1000: fine then

(Liberty1000 signed off)

Tom: k anyways wat else has he done

Tom: ?

JMad: remember when we all had 2 go to england for that stupid meetign

JMad: that counts

GeorgeW: he keeps overrulling our laws

Tom: k one sec

Tom: allright its done

John1776: tom ur teh 1337

Hancocky: OGM YOU NEED TO SEND THIS TO GEOURGE

Hancocky: WE SHOULD ALL SIGN IT

Hancocky: I CALL FIRST

Sensible1: I dont know why youre all getting excited about what he’s writing

Sensible1: I mean all of its just common sense

JMad: Paine, stfu

John1776: lol paine

John1776: ur all about the common sense crap

Sensible1: Hey its a good idea

Sensible1: Its better then toms stupid thing

Hancocky: DON’T DIS TEH TOM

GeorgeW: seriously

JMad: i say we send paine to give this to geourge

Sammy: second dat

Sensible1: This is ridiculous

(Sensible1 signed off)

John1776: lol

(TheKing signed on)

TheKing: BWAHAHA IM BACK

GeorgeW: oh ****

Tom: haha hi geourge :P

JMad: hey geourge, asl?

TheKing: wtf

JMad: *takes off wig and outer tunic*

John1776: lol

TheKing: u guys r sick

Alex: I <3 YOU GEOURGE!!! 

TheKing: ew

Sammy: hey geourge

TheKing: wat

Sammy: ur tea sux

John1776: lol

Hancocky: OMG BURRRN

TheKing: u guys are rediculous

Tom: hey gourge we have something to show you

(>TheKing received Declaration.doc from Tom<)

TheKing: u will all regret this

(TheKing signed off)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Hooray! He’s gone!

Alex: bring it on king…we got the cool george

GeorgeW: :)

Hancocky: HEY GUYZ WE SHOULD TOTALLY MEET SOMEWHERE AND PLOT SOME MORE

Alex: ya

Sammy: i can brign some beer

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Where should we go?

Alex: theres taht old building in philadelphia

GeorgeW: ok cool

Tom: k

John1776: see u there guys

(John1776 signed off)

(Sammy signed off)

AllAboutTheBenjamins: Alright, I’ll be there

(Tom signed off)

(GeorgeW signed off)

(Alex signed off)

JMad: me too

(AllAboutTheBenjamins signed off)

(JMad signed off)

Hancocky: THIS IS GONNA BE SO COOL

(Hancocky signed off)</font>

(Liberty1000 signed on)

Liberty1000: guyzzzzzzzz

(Sensible1 signed on)

Liberty1000: where did u all go

Sensible1: Hello?

Liberty1000: paine!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Sensible1: Oh god no

(Sensible1 signed off)

Liberty1000: hello

Liberty1000: dangit

(Liberty1000 signed off)

The End…or is it?

MY NEXT PROJECT (in other words, no one else is allowed to do this): chronicle all of U.S. history using the chatroom format. After that, possibly, is the Bible chronicled using chatroom format.

 

2 responses

  1. […] The Second Continental Chatroom – This is probably the only halfway funny thing I’ve ever written. Fueled by Chips Ahoy, baby. Fueled by Chips Ahoy. […]

    Like

  2. […] What if the Founding Fathers communicated via chatroom? This is still my favorite blog […]

    Like

What sayest thou? Speak!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: