No, that is not a misspelling.
NNNNH I have such a freakish urge to cook.
They’re a tribute to John Tukey, American statistician and source of horrible, horrible lunch meat puns. Yeah, I know, I made the joke two days ago and I haven’t been able to go 15 minutes without thinking, “exactly what would a Tukey sandwich entail?”
Ingredients, process, and general apology to Mr. Tukey as follows (I didn’t really measure stuff as I made this, so fair warning).
You will need:
- Bread. A small loaf works perfectly. You’ll need six pieces.
- Butter. About a tablespoon will work fine.
- Cheese. Colby Jack is preferred. Make sure it’s in a block so you can slice it.
- Turkey. Clean pieces of breast meat are best/neatest.
- Bacon. Three long slices will suffice.
- Mayo. 2-3 tablespoons.
- Cinnamon. A teaspoon sounds about right.
- Corn bread (or muffin) dry mix. Three or four tablespoons will be fine.
- Oil. Just a bit, maybe a teaspoon.
- Mrs. Dash.
What you need to do to make this awesomeness happen:
3. Take the other three slices and toast them lightly, just enough to get them a little brown and provide them with a bit of structural integrity.
4. Mix the teaspoon of cinnamon with the mayonnaise. Add more cinnamon if you’d like. Mine looked pinkish when I was done. Once the three toasting pieces are done toasting, spread the mayo/cinnamon mix on one side of each of the three slices and set aside.
5. Place the buttered slices butter-side down onto a frying pan and turn on to low heat. Cut a three medium-thin slices of Colby Jack cheese and put a square onto each piece of bread as they heat up (note: they have up here in Canada land these cute little rectangular cuboids of cheese. They’re smaller in area than the bread, but I think it works fine that way). Sprinkle the cheese and bread with Mrs. Dash and let it cook until the underside of the bread is golden brown and/or the cheese is gooey.
7. Now it gets fun. Take the corn bread dry mix and mix it with the teaspoon of oil and some water. I really didn’t measure this, but you’ll want a consistency similar to that of the mayo/cinnamon. Don’t make it too moist, but don’t make it dry enough to crumble.
9. Fold the turkey into nice little square packets and place each packet onto the bacon and mayo/cinnamon bread.
10. Complete the sandwich by putting the cheese/Mrs. Dash bread on top of the turkey and securing with a pretty frill. In my opinion, these taste equally good hot and cool, so if you made a super mess out of your kitchen like I did, go ahead and clean before you try them.
So why does this qualify as a tribute to Mr. Tukey again?
– There are six pieces of bread because he came up with the Six Pack Test.
– The sandwiches are square because he came up with the boxplot.
– They’re small because he coined the word “bit.”
– They’ve got turkey in them because DUH.
– Cinnamon is brown. He went to Brown University. I’m funny.
– He was born in Massachusetts. Corn muffins are the state’s official muffin.
– The turkey is also Massachusetts’ state bird, which is hilarious.
– He made significant contributions to jackknife estimation, hence Colby Jack cheese. It’s a stretch, but so is this entire thing.
– And I just assumed he liked bacon.
So yeah. This is why I should not be allowed to have free time.