OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
I played this SO MUCH when I first moved to Vancouver. For like the first half year. Mainly because my stupid internet didn’t work for like the first half year.
Hell, I even played the little Microsoft chess game despite not knowing ANYTHING about chess.
I also cried a lot and wished for death, but that was not exclusive to the first half year of Vancouver.
I have never played chess.
I have no freaking idea how to play chess.
But since Vista is stupid and decided to break up with Pinball, chess is really the only interesting game to play since I lack internet at my house.
I think part of my problem is that I can’t tell which piece is thequeen and which piece is the king…I don’t know if that’s my fault or if Vista also thinks that my getting involved with Chess is about as bad an idea as getting rid of pinball (can you tell I’m bitter?).
I’m playing on level 1 out of 10 and I’m still sucking royally (HAHA CHESS JOKE).
What’s this crap?
I was bored this afternoon and tired of messing with my far-less-than-adequate internet connection, so I thought to myself “I’ll just watch some Futurama and play some good old-fashioned Windows pinball.”
Yeah, turns out that’s not happening. Apparently, PINBALL ISN’T ON VISTA. What FREAKING GENIUS thought that crap up? “Here’s Vista, which kinda sucks on its own. Let’s remove the ONE GAME that was consistently fun, consistently operational, and consistently time wasting. Hooray for Microsoft!”
So at the moment my pinball total is asscockshitrapeFUCK and I’m pissed about it.
I have come to two realizations over the past two days:
1. I have way too much time on my hands
2. Pinball takes on a whole new dimension of challenges when you’re playing it while embodying dead people.
In this case, as is always the case with me, it was the presidents that I embodied on a two-day quest to discover which ones were the best (and worst) at Pinball. And seeing as how the vast majority of these guys weren’t alive when Pinball was around, I’d say they did rather well.
Two notes, however. First off, I haven’t played Pinball in over three years, thus providing the excu—er, I mean, the answer to the general low scores produced. However, I must emphasize that the scores are still relevant to each other—if I were scoring in the ten millions, for example, Ford would still score just as many points less than Jackson as he did here. Second, no bias was involved in this. Seriously. I mean, did you see where that hack Jackson wound up? Blasphemy!
Andrew Jackson 3,442,750
Grover Cleveland 3,141,500
James Earl Carter 2,501,500
Millard Fillmore 2,328,500
Martin Van Buren 2,318,500
Ulysses Simpson Grant 2,234,750
William McKinley 2,211,750
James Knox Polk 2,148,750
Benjamin Harrison 2,136,750
Lyndon Baines Johnson 1,855,000
Woodrow Wilson 1,772,500
Harry S Truman 1,757,750
Abraham Lincoln 1,745,250
Theodore Roosevelt 1,717,250
Warren Gamaliel Harding 1,708,500
John Fitzgerald Kennedy 1,700,500
James Madison 1,693,000
James Abram Garfield 1,661,000
William Henry Harrison 1,593,750
George Washington 1,467,500
Ronald Wilson Reagan 1,417,000
Zachary Taylor 1,411,750
William Jefferson Clinton 1,394,500
Calvin Coolidge 1,390,250
Dwight David Eisenhower 1,338,500
John Adams 1,311,500
Richard Milhous Nixon 1,284,750
John Quincy Adams 1,235,750
James Buchanan 1,215,750
Thomas Jefferson 1,198,500
George Herbert Walker Bush 1,056,250
George W. Bush 1,050,000 (ooh! So close, sonny!)
Franklin Delano Roosevelt 1,030,500
Chester Alan Arthur 989,000
John Tyler 849,250
Herbert Clark Hoover 839,750
Franklin Pierce 815,250
William Howard Taft 814,250
Andrew Johnson 806,250
Rutherford Birchard Hayes 782,750
James Monroe 758,500
Gerald Rudolph Ford 698,750