Our fridge
We have a lot of magnetic words on our fridge. It was my goal over the break to write down all of our dirty sentences we had made over the semester. Here they are (I cited who wrote each sentence for each one I remember the author, so obviously there are a lot of mine, since I remember which ones I wrote):
“Fiddle my hot dirty pickle as I fondle myself in the shower.”
“This language is manipulated by us.” –Me
“Please friend, never incubate meat in our puppy.” –Michael (I think)
“Frantically nibble happy banana.” –Sean
“Come hit on me as I am madly cool and happy.” –Sean
“We only lie to you when it is time which it is always.” –Michael
“No men find my sturdy pants special.” –Me
“She is hot so we must screw.” –Me
“Throughout winter I will pretend to have power” –Michael
“Luscious brine woman shakes the pallid monkey prince’s huge torpid man pole and fiddles under his bed with candy girl’s mountainous bouncy breasts as she clubs the dark gardener’s apparatus.” –Aaron
“By repulsive I mean lovely.” –Michael
“This picture of the man is hot.”
“No one can can-can like I can.” –Me
“Live fast with no pants.” –Me
“Hump intoxicated.” –Me
“Cook my smooth pink part to introduce the flavor of galoshes.” –Me
“Gorgeous woman friend is your mother.”
“Silly butterfly tripped in the sky and falled.” –Sean
“Smile and know that I am always on top.” –Me
“Love is essential but is in desperate need of a knife at times.” –Michael
“Night breast.” –Me (this has now become our Rock Band band’s name)
“I scream for bare skin.” –Me
“Together those pecuniary drunks will teach dance.”
“Crave perfect cream.”
“Lick his pretty rod.”
“She would blow him but he has two white breasts, not two white balls.” –Me
“Clit torrent.”
“She is wonderful but only in the nude.” –Me
“Rain produced the wet morning.”
“Gimme violet velvet love muffin.” –Sean
“Think with your tool,
Such a nice, firm taco,
Always install tuna into my slot,
My vagina is private but my nipples are bare and stiff,
Together we have enough to nakedly sizzle big johnsons” –Me (don’t ask)
“Know balls like me.”
“Honey watch please as I ram this mad shaft through exquisite pudding.” –Sean
“Ghost pussy.”
“Rub delicious instrument in good deep bush.” –Sean
“Enough trousers! I would like to have sex, and together we will.” –Me
“I enter your bush
With a soft gentle push
And as you bite your lip
You feel it in your slit
Is only the tip
And no room to put it.” –Michael
“Your tremendous pendulous apparatus is enormous and makes me full of passion, as I tremble and plunge into your delicious privates after whispering luscious language that penetrated your heaving bosom.” –Me
“Zip up your fly or I will go downtown and rock your package.” –Me
“Wet urges always smell.” –Me
“Go beg, then gush musk from your nasty mound.”
“There is no use for pants.” –Me (of course)
“Some like it on top.” (on freezer)
“Me? I like it on bottom.” (on fridge)
“Sadly I lick you as my dreams are crushed.” –Me
“I peeked in her slot and saw eternity…or pussy.”
“If you are gone, who will satisfy my wild urges?” –Me
“Languid pumping leaves me out of breath.”
Today’s class is called “Delaying the Unavoidable Linear Algebra Homework”
I’ll be your teacher this afternoon. The best way to delay one’s math homework is with a survey. Example:
1. how are you?
Decent.
2. who was the last person you hugged?
Aaron.
3. look to your left, what do you see?
OH GOD, A BED!
4. where do you like to be the most?
In my room.
5. whats your fave film?
Probably Apollo 13. I like Tom Hanks, I like Kevin Bacon, and I like space.
6. what does the last person you commented on myspace mean to you?
Man, when was the last time someone commented on my MySpace…I think it was Matt. If so, he’s an awesome friend of mine.
7. what did you last laugh about?
Sean being a dork.
8. where was your default taken?
In my room.
9. whats the first thing you look for in a girl/guy?
Personality-wise? Intelligence. Physical-wise? Their general body structure.
10. if your still in school, what’s your fave lesson?
Anything statistics. Or philosophy.
11. what do you work as / want to work as?
I WANT to be a psychometrician. But that depends on a lot of things.
12. do you play video games? if so, which is your fave game?
Hahaha, Gears of War 2, bitch!
13. who never fails to make you laugh?
Sean.
14. what are you listening to right now?
Music
15. who did you last have a sleepover with?
Does the Orgy Couch count? If so, Aaron.
16. i bet you miss someone, who?!
No one!
17. are you happy with your life right now?
Meh.
18. why did you last get upset?
I couldn’t figure out my math. ‘Cause I’m dumb.
19. who was the last person you texted?
No texty.
20. who do you live with?
Only the coolest people on the planet.
21. do you like living with them?
Durh.
22. whats your mood right now on myspace?
Hahaha, I haven’t changed that since last spring. I think it’s “stressed.”
24. did you realise that there was no 23?
Pfft.
25. what does your profile song mean to you?
What IS my profile song?
26. who did you last shout at and why?
I was shouting at Aaron ‘cause he was down the hall.
27. are you normally a happy person?
Sure.
28. what was the last thing you went to see in the movies and with who?
Simpsons Movie? Yeah, that long ago. I went with my dad, haha.
29. whats your fave food?
Potatoes. Or M&Ms. Tough one.
30. are you in love?
Indeed.
31. do you remember how you were 3 years ago?
Ewwww.
32. if so, does it make you cringe?
See above.
33. if you could be with someone right now, who would it be?
The person I’m with right now.
34. do you have any blogs on your myspace?
Hahahahaha.
35. whats your fave thing in your room?
Vaio!!
36. is this quiz boring you?
I’ve seen better. But I’ve also seen worse.
37. if you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Leibniz. Alive, naked, and on my bed.
38. when was the last time you lied?
Today sometime.
39. are your lips chapped?
Nah.
40. any last words?
FOR THE MOTHERLAND!
Tune in for tomorrow’s class entitled, “Oh Crap, I Shouldn’t Have Delayed that Inevitable Linear Algebra Homework.”
IT’S NOT THAT HARD, GET IT RIGHT *frustrationfrustrationfrustration*
You know, I really wish more people would remember that “datum” and “data” are the singular and the plural, respectively.
Remember…if a person’s single, it’s okay to datum.
That is all.
My room is blue due to cellophane!
1. What is your middle name?
Marie
2. How big is your bed?
Twin
3. What are you listening to right now?
The NEDM song.
4. What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
-5120
5. What was the last thing you did?
Taped cellophane over my light. Haha.
6. Last person who drove you somewhere?
My mom
7. How is the weather right now?
It’s cold ‘cause it’s dark, but it was nice and warm today
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom
10. Favorite type of Food?
Anything carbs, haha.
11. Do you want children? How many?
NO!
12. What is a strange fact about you?
Can’t smell
13. Ever get so drunk you don’t remember the entire night?
Nope
14. Hair color?
Black
15. Eye color?
Hazel
16. Do you wear eye contacts?
Nope
17. Favorite holiday?
Christmas
18. Favorite Season?
Summer
19. Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?
Unfortunately
20. Last Movie you watched?
Don’t remember
21. Something you can’t wait for?
Grad school
22. Do you chew ice?
Ew
23. McDonalds or Burger King?
McDonalds
24. Would you like some beer? milk? bologna?
Milk sounds good right now
25. Do you know what the snack that smiles back is?
GOLDFISH!
26. Are you feeling extra happy today?
Pfft
27. Good or evil?
Good
28. Favorite disney movie?
Toy Story, bitches!
29. What book are you reading?
Hawking’s Brief History of Time
30. Piercings?
Earlobes and an industrial in my right ear
31. Favorite Movie?
Apollo 13 is pretty awesome
32. Favorite MLB Team?
The Braves, just ‘cause of my mom
33. What were you doing before this?
Just sitting here
34. Any pets?
Annabelle, Romeo, both cats
35. sun tan or tanning bed?
Neither
36. Who’s your favorite anchorman?
Um…
37. Luke or Owen Wilson?
Not a big fan of either.
38. Favorite Flower?
Oregon Grapes
39. What movie do you look forward to seeing?
Watchmen!
40. Have you ever loved someone?
Yes
41. Who would you like to see right now?
Aaron!
42. Last time you cried?
Couple nights ago
43. Last game you played?
Gears of War 2
44. Do you like to travel by plane?
Yup
45. Right-handed or Left-handed?
Right
46. If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
Antarctica!
47. Are you missing someone?
Nah
48. Ever notice how songs you loved when you were little, are even more dirty now?
Hahahaha, Barbie Girl
49. Do you have a tattoo?
Unfortunately not
50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning?
Don’t have a TV
51. Are you hiding something from someone?
Yeah
52. Are you 18?
Nope, 21
53. What is the wallpaper on your cellphone?
I think it’s a bunch of clocks
54. Did you get enough sleep last night?
For me, yes
55. First thing you thought about this morning?
Do I have to do this again? Really?
57. Grilled or fried?
Depends on what we’re talking about
58. What’s your favorite SNL cast member?
The only one I know is Will Farrell
59. When’s the last time you saw your best friend(s)?
Couple days ago
60. Are you afraid of the dark?
Nope
61. When was your last road trip?
Missoula! Best time ever
63. First thing you will buy if given 50 thousand dollars?
A ticket to Antarctica
64. Favorite song(s)?
Sleepyhead!!
65. What are you afraid of?
Failure
66. Are you a giver or a taker?
I like to think I’m a giver
67. What do people call you for short?
Aaron calls me Claudsie
68. What is your dads middle name?
Louis
69. What’s your mothers middle name?
Ann
70. Stuck on a deserted island & could bring 5 things?
Bunch of notebooks, bunch of pens, my compy, water, and Nick
71. Favorite commercial?
No idea
72. Whos your cell phone provider?
AT&T?
74. Favorite color?
Orange!
75. What are the things you’ll always bring with you?
My wallet…something to write on/write with…that’s about it
76. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
A glaciologist
77. What do you usually do when the clock turns 7am
Get angry at my alarm
78. The color of your bed sheets?
Tye-dye
79. Who do you want to meet?
LEIBNIZ!
80. if you could sleep with anyone, who would it be?
LEIBNIZ!
To the nice person who now has my iPod:
I just want to take a moment to thank the person who decided to take my iPod this morning. You were correct in thinking that I didn’t accidentally leave it on the floor next to my chair in Belief and Reality. I actually left it there for somebody to take, so that they could enjoy all the music I paid for. It’s a good thing it took you less than five minutes to find it and decide to keep it, or else I would have run back from math to retrieve it before you could have enjoyed it.
I hope you like how new it looks. It’s only a couple weeks old. Not a scratch. I also hope you enjoy the engraving on the back: “Happy 21st birthday! Love Mom.” This had no sentimental value at all; I told her to have it engraved so that you would have something to read while you were enjoying my music.
I also hope you like the earbuds. They cost about $30 since they are noise-cancelling with an adjustable volume gauge on the wires. They’re really nice.
There’s a video on there that one of my friends gave me, too. It got erased from my computer, but it’s still on the iPod. I was hoping to transfer it back to my computer later this week, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy an inside joke between my friend and me more than I ever could.
Oh, and one more thing to make your day a little bit easier: if you go down the hallway from that classroom, take a left, and then follow the stairs to the area above the commons, you’ll find the Information Desk for the TLC. That’s where the lost and found is. It’s where people who have found others’ possessions drop them off so that the owners can retrieve what they’ve misplaced. I just thought you’d like to know, in case you ever lose that nice new orange iPod nano, that you can go to that desk and inquire if anyone has returned it there.
Well, that’s all. Have a nice life, and enjoy your new iPod!
Asshole.
(One-ish year later edit: nope, never got it back.)
Life is better with no pants
Ever heard of Imogen Heap? I have a few of her songs and she’s awesome. Here’s her doing a live performance. Freaking awesome.
I’m bored and I want potatoes
Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
Some jerk who was staring at me today. I’m not a sideshow, go away.
What kind of dog do you have?
I have no such thing!
Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Hahaha, his brother.
What DVD is in your DVD player?
I think it’s the second season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I think.
What do you think of when you hear the word “meow”?
AAAHHH PUSSY!
When is your birthday?
February 2nd.
What’s the area code for your cell phone?
208
Do you like pickles?
Pickles the drummer, doodily-doo, ding-dong doodily-doodily doo!
How about olives?
They are very good on tuna sandwiches!
What is your favorite kind of gum?
The original Trident.
Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Mrs. Smirden.
Do you like your parents?
Yup.
Why did your last relationship end?
Differences. That apparently only I saw.
What is the last letter of your middle name?
E.
Any upcoming events you’re excited about?
Graduating. Again. Going to grad school. Getting the hell out of Moscow.
How much older than you is the first person on your top?
One day more than 4 months.
How many profile views do you have?
A lot? I dunno.
What did you do last Friday night?
I was in Canada last Friday night, checking out UBC. It was pretty badass, but I missed our usual hangout time here at home.
Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
Nope, ‘cause he’s sitting right next to me.
What’s your MySpace song?
Sleepyhead by Passion Pit. Best song ever.
Where was your default picture taken?
In my room.
What woke you up this morning?
My alarm.
Do you remember what your last five profile songs have been?
The one before this was Lordi’s Hard Rock Hallelujah, I think, and before that was Battles’ Atlas, but before that I don’t know.
Whose car were you last in?
My mom’s.
What color are your eyes?
Hazel/brown.
Who do you feel like hanging out with right now?
I’m hanging out with everyone in the living room right now.
Do you remember your first kiss?
Yup. No way I could forget it.
Do you believe that there’s always room in your heart for your first love?
No idea.
Do you know anyone that lives in Nevada?
Nope.
How about New Jersey?
Nope.
On a scale of 1-10, how is your life right now?
7? It varies a lot, so that’s not very accurate.
Do you like ice cream?
It’s okay.
Who is your favorite ex?
Hahaha, Matt.
Do you like to work with little kids?
Ew, no.
Do you have to really know someone to kiss them?
Hahahaha…sure.
What do you think of the band OK Go?
They’re okay, I suppose.
How long has it been since you last liked somebody?
I like someone right now.
What was the last thing you downloaded?
A word document full of statistics notes.
Who are four of your best friends?
Aaron, Sean, Matt, Maggie.
Is anything stuck in your head?
Freaking Sleepyhead. I love that song.
Could you imagine your life without your best friend?
Meh.
What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Daiquiri! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I finally had some alcohol. Not very much, though—I only had three sips, haha.
Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Talking to him right now.
Who was the FIRST person to call you today?
My mom.
Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Ms. Quesnel. Not to be confused with Mrs. Quesnell, my second-grade teacher. They were of no relation (though my 7th grade English teacher, Mr. Quesnell, was married to my second-grade teacher. Strange world we live in).
Where was your FIRST sleep over?
No idea.
Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
My mom.
Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
Ms. Miller’s (I can’t remember the last name of the guy she married).
When was your FIRST detention?
That day in 8th grade Algebra. I was making fun of perfect squares. I had to stay after school for 15 minutes.
What are you doing in Berlin?!
This is super freaking cool, but he must be SO high off the paint!
UBC part II
HOLY CRAP is it big here. The campus is the size of Moscow (at least population-wise—seriously) and the psych building is like three times the size of the Kibbie Dome.
It’s ridiculous.
There aren’t any quantitative students here, but there are two of us prospectives, so who knows.
Oh, AND it’s sunny and about 67 degrees here, as opposed to snowy ass Moscow in February. Go figure.
UBC
I’m in Canada, bitches!
After flying to Seattle and then renting a car to drive to Vancouver (weather problems were a factor, which is why we didn’t fly the whole way), I am now sitting in a fancy hotel, waiting for tomorrow, during which I shall go examine UBC and see if I want to go here.
I’ll probably have to, but whatever.
I do not feel like working on my philosophy homework, but I have to.
Also, why is Hulu working?
Hey dorkatrons
So I’ve been thinking about typing class recently, for some unknown reason.
2001: a frightened number of 7th graders enter the classroom of Mrs. Walker, a creepy old lady who sounds bitter about the fact that typing classes are now taught on “computational machines” rather than typewriters.
Little did we know, this class would be our introduction to the internet.
This kid named Lucas showed us, one day after we’d finished our typing exercises for the period, this site called freearcade.com. It became the reward for finishing our typing crap and our incentive for typing as fast as we could every single damn day. Javanoid, Wiz 3, Fillit…oh, pre-adolescence grew so much more interesting with the internet.
Before this, believe it or not, I had barely been exposed to the wonderful series of tubes that Al Gore invented. We’d used Google (back when it was Google!) in 6th grade once, and I think the thing I was researching was slugs.
So all this got me thinking more…do you think people born around our years of birth (1986 – 1989, say) had the “optimal” exposure to the internet? Rationale: people born earlier than us had to either be exposed to it enough to start to understsand it, or they decided not to be exposed to it and therefore are kinda clueless about it (example: my mother and my father, respectively). People born later than us may have had too early and too prolonged exposure to it, and therefore may have a greater risk of having or gaining an addiction to it (example: one of my younger cousins).
Think about. I obviously have no authority on anything.
Damn you, StumbleUpon, DAMN YOU!
Not only is this super fun, but there’s awesome banjo music as an accompaniment!
StumbleUpon is simultaneously destroying and improving my free time
English is so weird.
Holy shit.
This is, without a doubt, the most addicting song I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s one of iTunes’ freebies songs this week, and I advise you to download it now, before you go crazy after not listening to it for five minutes. Yeah, it may not sound so great when you first hear it, but listen to it again.
Go on, do it.
You want more, don’t you?
Yeah, it was like that with me. Its playcount is up to 32 and I’ve had it for a little over three hours.
(Two years later edit: total playcount over both Vaios is well over 1,000)
You’re THAT St. Anselm??
Haha, Sean’s name is freaking great.
Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the definition it gives you…
1) Your name?
Claudia: a girl with this name usually is a cock blocker who doesnt want her friends to get any! She often finds herself in awkward situations in which she feels the need to block her friend’s cocks. She wishes she could get some like McLovin.
2) How old are you?
21: the age at which one is finally considered human.
3) One of your friends?
Sean: used to define huge sarcastic assholes, that end up becoming amazingly sweet. Seans know exactly how to piss you off and then five seconds later have you cracking up. Huge jerks, but gotta love ’em.
4) What should you be doing?
Statistics: the mathamatical study of the distribution of data on any subject to prove any point you’re trying to make, when whining about it doesn’t work.
5) Favorite Color?
Orange: a fat version of a tangerine that doesn’t taste as good and is harder to peel.
6) Hometown?
Moscow: capital of the Russian Federation. Known as MOCKBA in Russian.
7) Month of your Birthday?
February: the best month ever…every person born in this month is a true pimp and gets all the guys/girls.
8) Last person to talk to on the phone?
Mom: the woman who loves you unconditionally from birth, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else.
10) Last Thing you Ate?
M&Ms: these are tiny female titties
Piece of Pi
Boredom + Rock Band + geekiness = this.
Piece of Pi (sung, of course, to Boston’s Peace of Mind)
Now if you’re feelin’ kinda low ‘bout the math you’ve been doing
Answer’s coming much too slow
And you need a break but somehow you keep calculatin’
Solution’s something you need to know
Chorus
I understand about logarithms
And I don’t care if I can’t derive
People livin’ with long division
All I want is to know a piece of pi
Now you’re tryin’ to find the key to this integration
Thought you knew this all by heart
There are so many techniques that you are now debatin’
Try some integration by parts
[Chorus]
Take the log of x!
Take the log of x!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahhh!
[Guitar solo needs no math puns!]
Now everybody’s all hung up ‘bout this 5-by-5 matrix
Actin’ like a bunch of fools
Seems like they forgot all of the algebra tricks
Why don’t they just use Cramer’s Rule?
[Chorus]
Take the log of x!
Take the log of x!
LOG OF X!!!
Yeah.
More
More fun facts for y’all. I’m bored.
- When Greek mathematicians first proved that the square root of two is an irrational number, they celebrated by sacrificing 100 oxen (beware of Greeks bearing math!).
- The notes made by Marie Curie during her research are still highly radioactive.
- The planet Neptune has not made a complete revolution around the sun since it was discovered in 1846. With an orbital period of 155 years, it will have completed an orbit in 2011.
- Pan, one of Saturn’s smallest moons, orbits within Saturn’s A-Ring and helps clear out an area between the rings called the Encke Gap. Scientists believe that if Pan didn’t exist, neither would the Encke Gap.
Shazbutt
Some cool and mind-blowing stuff here (assuming truth, of course).
- There are an estimated 50 thousand million galaxies in the universe, with the typical galaxy containing 50 thousand million to 100 thousand million stars. It is estimated that there are 1022 stars in total in the universe.
- The philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724–1804) was the first person to propose that what we now call galaxies lay outside the Milky Way and were indeed galaxies (or “island universes”, as Kant called them) in their own right (yay Kant!).
- The Earth is rotating on its axis at a rate of 460 metres per second at the equator, and is orbiting the sun at a rate of about 30 kilometres per second. The sun is orbiting the centre of the Milky Way at a rate of about 220 kilometres per second. The Milky Way is moving at a speed of about 1000 kilometres per second towards a region of space 150 million light years away called the Great Attractor.
- The matter in the universe is so thinly dispersed that the universe can be compared with a building twenty miles long, twenty miles wide, and twenty miles high, containing only a single grain of sand.
- The star Betelgeuse, a bright star in the constellation of Orion, is estimated to have a diameter of around 700 million miles. If it were placed at the centre of our solar system, it would extend beyond the orbit of Jupiter.*
*Though recent studies show that it is actually shrinking. At least, I think they were talking about Betelgeuse.
STOP–Mormon Time!
Hahahaha, oh man:
“Of these wives
at least three wives
produced at least a billion Israelites!”
I have the mp3 if anyone wants it.
Colors always win
Crayola’s freaking badass.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crayola
http://www.sil.si.edu/exhibitions/doodles/cf/doodles_enlarge.cfm?id_image=167 (“toxicity = OK!”)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Crayola_crayon_colors
I don’t know what happened to Radical Carrot…I KNOW that was a crayon color, ‘cause we named a superhero after it in elementary school. “There isn’t any person quite like Radical Carrot!” God, I still remember the sing-song tone we yelled that in.
Anyway.
Apparently the scent of Crayola crayons is more recognizable than the scent of cheese. Rock on.
The Pope! The Pope! The Pope is on fire! But we got some holy water!
“I fucked up the word ‘rear.’”
This poor man is so frustrated, though. You can really tell when he starts farting with his mouth.
I feel sorry for him. And for Tony.
Progress
Yay! My degree came in the mail today!
Pic:
Someday…
I hope to make a flash this long/weird/full of stick figures/dorky.
Mr. Weight is my hero.
You know what I’m really tempted to do?
So…
ETS, the company I want to work for when I’m done with all this school business, has a position open right now that would be absolutely PERFECT for me. It’s like my freaking dream job, listen to this:
Arrange for and perform routine statistical analysis and data-processing tasks using GENASYS, user-oriented computer packages, and statistical software packages. Create datasets, enter computer job control information, code parameters, and submit programs for execution. Draft standard statistical reports and assist in the preparation of complex reports. Prepare and check critical information for score reporting, tables, and figures for statistical procedures, documentation, and reports. Update textual material for such documents. Update and run routine statistical analyses using SAS. Perform a wide variety of statistical calculations (e.g., mean, percentiles, standard error of measurement, and reliability estimates).
I DON’T CARE HOW BORING THIS SOUNDS, THIS IS WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE.
So I applied just on a whim…If I get the job, I’m outta here. Screw grad school for a few years. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Though I don’t think they’ll take me though, ‘cause I think they’ll think I’m too far away to relocate “ASAP.”
Eigenblogger 