Family Day: Song Version
(Sung, of course, to this tune.)
It seems this month that all you see
Are snow and ice and temps in the negative degrees
But where are those good old lazy off days
That we all need to survive?
Lucky there’s a Family Day!
Lucky there’s a day that
Makes us want to take back
All the times that we said…
“Why can’t it be May?”
It’s our Family Day!
If the first verse of “All Star” was written by Guy Fieri
Somebody once sold me
A bunch of ravioli
With 40,000 spices inside
It was looking kind of wild
But actually was mild
So I went into my trailer and cried
That’s…that’s all. This stems from a Jeopardy question, don’t even ask.
An Ode To Cumuli
Sung to the tune of Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls
Oh won’t you coat the sky today
Oh block out all those UV rays
Oh and you never bring the rain
Flat bottomed clouds you give this rocking world some shade
Hey I was just a walking fiend
Who forgot to wear sunscreen
Thought I’d burn before I’d walk a couple miles
But then overhead you towered
Soft and white like cauliflower
Heaping cumulus, you done make this walker smile
Hey hey!
I’ve been walking, don’t you know
‘Cross the city, ‘cross the Bow
I’ve felt every ray of sunshine on the way
But when I’m beneath your shade
I feel like I could walk all day
‘Till the sun goes down and its rays you glow
C’mon
Oh won’t you coat the sky today
Oh block out all those UV rays
Oh and you never bring the rain
Flat bottomed clouds you give this rocking world some shade
Flat bottomed clouds you give this rocking world some shade
Yes, I know there’s another verse, but this is all I remember coming up with on my walk this afternoon, so chill.
I HAVE NO LIFE LA LA LA LA
I was reading about the Hubble Space Telescope last night.
Then Taylor Swift came on shuffle.
And then this happened this afternoon.
I Knew You Were Hubble (sung to Taylor Swift’s I Knew You Were Trouble)
Once upon a time in 1990
We sent you into space to show us what we couldn’t see
From here on earth, from here on earth, from here on earth
At first there was a snag: your mirror was misplaced
But with several quick repairs we saw the galaxies you faced
With clarity, with clarity, with clarity
And your first images had us all in awe
When we realized all the beauty that you saw
‘Cause I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Of the vast cosmos, oh
Showed us new vistas with some shutter clicks
Space so diverse, oh
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Of the vast cosmos, oh
Showed us new vistas with some shutter clicks
Now we’re picturing our universe
Oh, oh, Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
Oh, oh, Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
Nebulae alive with purples, reds, and greens
Our wonder begs for more, and you give us the means
To satisfy these needs, to satisfy these needs, to satisfy these needs
And I guess you’re booked up with professionals’ requests
But some of those demands end up resulting in your best
Photography, photography, photography
Like the time you stared into one part of space
And your resulting Deep Field put us humans in our place, yeah!
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Of the vast cosmos, oh
Showed us new vistas with some shutter clicks
Space so diverse, oh
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Of the vast cosmos, oh
Showed us new vistas with some shutter clicks
Now we’re picturing our universe
Oh, oh, Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
Oh, oh, Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
And after 20 years in 2010
You’re still doing your job, and well, by bringing awe to all of man, yeah
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Of the vast cosmos, oh
Showed us new vistas with some shutter clicks
Space so diverse, oh
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Of the vast cosmos, oh
Showed us new vistas with some shutter clicks
Now we’re picturing our universe
Oh, oh, Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
Oh, oh, Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
I knew you were Hubble when you took pics
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
Can you blame me, though? I mean seriously. How many things rhyme with “Hubble”?
Pi Day!
I had to. I’m so sorry.
Pi Day (sung to the tune of Rebecca Black’s Friday)
March 14th, waking up in the morning
Something’s goin’ down, but I can’t tell what
Gotta pack my bag, gotta go to class
Takin’ a glance at the calendar
Lookin’ at the date, gettin’ all excited
Gotta go get my math homework
Gotta do my trig, Gotta do geometry
Seeing circles on the page
Circumferences are all the rage
e, phi, zeta, K,
Which constant should I use?
It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s lookin’ out for the area, area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math
Lookin’ forward to the answer
1:59 is the time we wait for
Gotta celebrate, best day of the year
Math, math, think about math
Think circumference
I got this, you got this
You’ve got your T-I-eight-four
Just type it, calculate it
Now you know it
Seeing circles on the page
Diameters are all the rage
e, phi, zeta, K,
Which constant should I use?
It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s lookin’ out for the area, area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math
Lookin’ forward to the answer
Yesterday was boring, boring
But today is Pi Day, Pi Day
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna do some math today
Tomorrow it’s over
But July 22nd’s soon
I don’t want this party to end
3.14159
So useful of a number
Transcendental
I’m addin’, solvin’
See spheres, find volumes
Wit’ my pi up on my side
In my free time I do some geometry
Pi r squared, r squared, wanna cheer
Check my date, it’s Pi Day, it’s a great day
We gonna do math, c’mon, c’mon, y’all
It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s lookin’ out for the area, area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math
Lookin’ forward to the answer
It’s Pi Day, Pi Day
Gotta get down on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Pi Day, Pi Day
Doin’ math on Pi Day
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Algebra, algebra (yeah)
Calculus, calculus (yeah)
Math, math, math, math
Everybody’s solvin’ problems for the area
Difficult to do because HORRIBLE SONG. Pi deserves better, so here’s my other math-related parody.
TWSB: The Sound of a Solar Re (and a Do, a Mi, a Fa, a So, a La, a Ti, and More Do)
The authors of the Ask a Mathematician/Ask a Physicist blog received and answered this question not too long ago: If you could hear through space as though it were filled with air, what would you hear?
The answer is as follows: the sun.
Yes, our big showy center of the universe is also the loudest thing around, at least to us. The Physicist explains: both the loudness and brightness of an object is exactly proportional to how big it is. The sun’s brightness, therefore, is a function of its temperature and size. If a small ball of the same temperature as the sun were to be held up so that it appeared to be the same size as the sun, it would feel exactly as warm and seem exactly as bright as the sun.
Taking this comparison of a small bright ball = distant, huge sun with respect to the amount of heat omitted, The Physicist states that the sun, if we could hear it, “would be exactly as loud as any other large-marble-sized nuclear explosion held at arm’s length.”
So we’d pretty much be deaf. Or dead.
Insanity! Article here.
30-Day Meme – Day 19: A talent of yours.
Rewriting song lyrics. I swear this is my single talent in life. Like I said in my “100 Things” list, I credit my mom playing a lot of Weird Al when I was a kid. It comes very naturally to me. Here are a few examples:
- Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back rewritten as Easy Mac.
- Boston’s Peace of Mind rewritten as Piece of Pi.
- MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This rewritten as U Can’t Prove This (it’s about logic class and how long it took me to wrap my head around proofs).
Piece of Pi
Boredom + Rock Band + geekiness = this.
Piece of Pi (sung, of course, to Boston’s Peace of Mind)
Now if you’re feelin’ kinda low ‘bout the math you’ve been doing
Answer’s coming much too slow
And you need a break but somehow you keep calculatin’
Solution’s something you need to know
Chorus
I understand about logarithms
And I don’t care if I can’t derive
People livin’ with long division
All I want is to know a piece of pi
Now you’re tryin’ to find the key to this integration
Thought you knew this all by heart
There are so many techniques that you are now debatin’
Try some integration by parts
[Chorus]
Take the log of x!
Take the log of x!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahhh!
[Guitar solo needs no math puns!]
Now everybody’s all hung up ‘bout this 5-by-5 matrix
Actin’ like a bunch of fools
Seems like they forgot all of the algebra tricks
Why don’t they just use Cramer’s Rule?
[Chorus]
Take the log of x!
Take the log of x!
LOG OF X!!!
Yeah.
U Can’t Prove This
OH MY GOD I SURVIVED SYMBOLIC LOGIC.
So in celebration of this, I wrote a song.
It’s sung to the tune of—of course—M.C. Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This.
Oh, and Dr. O’Rourke, if you EVER happen upon this for some reason, I want you to know that this is totally proof (ha! Get it?) that your class had an impact on me and that I loved it. This is dedicated to all of us who, for some reason or another, take a long time to wrap our heads around proofs. Where the free time to write this drivel comes from, I will never know.
Onward!
“U Can’t Prove This”
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
My, my, my, Symbolic Logic, it’s so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
It seems okay when you’re doing truth tables,
Translations, worlds, you feel quite able
But then you get to problem set four
Crap like you’ve never seen before
Gone are the days of logic bliss
You throw up your hands and say, “u can’t prove this”
I told you, freshman, u can’t prove this
Yeah that’s how we’re graded and you know, u can’t prove this
Look at this statement man, u can’t prove this
Yo let me bust the logic lyrics, u can’t prove this
Boole and Tarsky, Wittgenstein
You start missin’ these guys when you enter the land
Of proofs, it’s quite sad
Who knew philosophy could kick your ass?
Can’t prove a thing without some guidance
Wish you’d taken computer science
But now you’re stuck
You know this class is gonna test your luck
Make it known you can’t get the groove
That this is a statement you can’t prove
Yo I told you, u can’t prove this
Why you standing there man, u can’t prove this
Yo sharpen your pencil, logic class is startin’, u can’t prove this
Then you start to understand
The relief you feel is oh, so grand
But then Prof says, “oh there’s more”
Gives new rules, subproofs galore
And now you’re screwed
Just when you thought your struggle was subdued
You’ve got this “if, then…”
So you go through the pain all over again
Assume P, or not P?
Who the hell knows, it’s all Greek to me
It’s hard because you know
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Break it down!
Stop. Logic time.
Go with the flowchart it is said
If you can’t prove the former than you’re probably gonna dread
These quants—they’re real tough
You’re trying to learn more but you’ve had enough
Of these rules—they’re absurd
What do they expect, you’re no logic nerd
Backwards E’s and upturned A’s
Out the window flies your grade
A, B, C, D, F, yeah, u can’t prove this
Look man, u can’t prove this
You’d better do the extra credit, boy, ‘cause you know you can’t prove this
Ring the bell, it’s logic time, break it down!
Stop. Logic time.
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Break it down!
Stop. Logic time.
Every time they see you, you’re working on these proofs
You’re hunting like a bloodhound, a modus pollens sleuth
Now how could you ever increase your proving speed
When you can’t seem to prove concisely what you need
You’ve done so much already, there’s so much more to do
It’s subproof new subproof ‘nother subproof twelve subproofs and you’re hardly half way through
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
U can’t prove this
Yeah, u can’t prove this
I told you, u can’t prove this
Too hard can’t prove this
Get me outta here, I can’t prove this
People underestimate the genius of Weird Al. This is hard. And it doesn’t help that this song is like five minutes long.
Asterisk!
Okay. It’s Friday and I don’t have any classes today, meaning I’m even more bored than I have been. This is what came out of said boredom. Apologies to Mr. Timberlake; I hope Sexy doesn’t cause you too much trouble.
“Easy Mac” (sung to—what else?—the tune of “Sexyback”)
[Verse 1]
I’m making Easy Mac
There’s macaroni and a cheesy pack
I think it’s quite a little handy snack
But if I don’t brush it’ll give me plaque
Take ’em to the bridge
[Bridge]
Microwave
It’s so much easier
I ain’t no slave
To boil water I’m just not that brave
So this new Easy Mac is what I crave
Take ’em to the chorus
[Chorus]
Mix it up
Go ahead, and stir baby
In the cup
Go ahead, and stir baby
M-A-C
Go ahead, and stir baby
It’s for me
Go ahead, and stir baby
3:30
Go ahead, and stir baby
Look at the cheese
Go ahead, and stir baby
It makes me smile
Go ahead, and stir baby
It’s the new style
Go ahead, and stir baby
Making Easy Mac
Go ahead, and stir baby
Making Easy Mac
Go ahead, and stir baby
[Repeat 6 times]
Making Easy Mac
[Verse 2]
I’m making Easy Mac
It’s so insane I have to double back
Watch it spin ’round and then come right on back
It’s burning up I gotta get it fast!
Take ’em to the bridge
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I’m making Easy Mac
It’s so tasty I’m taken aback
I hope it doesn’t cause a bad attack
Cause if it does I will bring Sexy back
Take ’em to the chorus
[Chorus]
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