Band + sexual-based songs = fun
Huttah! He-brides! This is what my Tuesdays and Thursdays will consist of for about a month:
I. He-bride pirates shouting “scurvy!” and “arrrrrr!” and “throw me my sexin’ pants, me bucko!”
II. He-bride lovers running in slow motion towards each other because that’s what lovers do.
III. A completely non-sexual song about milking said he-brides.
IV. Something about the he-brides going to an isle. I’m still not quite sure about this one.
And so yeah. I love concert band.
Through my crappy flash animation, we all of us get to see Aneel in a dress
Haha, second time posting this piece of crap! But I’ve extended it a bit and added some more fun stuff: drinking! If it’s too insulting now, I’ll take it down. If not, be prepared to be dazzled on your birthday!
Through YouTube, we all of us waste time
January 2, 2007: Claudia discovers YouTube.
January 2, 2007: Claudia gets a YouTube account.
January 4, 2007: Claudia has 20 videos bookmarked.
January 21, 2007: Clauida shares with you several of the best clips of “Whose Line is it Anyway?”!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH-9eaRRL28
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0EnTMGTIBU&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDo20XAbR4Y&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q26tyrecCY&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT4CGm_dl8k
Through freedom, we all of us get potatoes
No, I didn’t write this one. I found it somewhere. Apparently, if you can answer the questions at the bottom, you will have found the meaning of life and the reason for all things living on this earth. The first one who wins gets a taco. Aaaannnnnnnnd….GO!
There are ten people in a room. All are atheists. Most are men. There are no chiropractors, nor are there any mafia members. A partition separates the blondes from the homosexuals. Five people stand on each side. Jerry, a lawyer, awaits trial tomorrow. He is to defend the innocent party (Kelly) in a crime involving sandwiches. The one guilty of the crime stands on the blonde side. Yvonne can’t decide whether the glass windows are half-full or half-empty. A man stands in the corner but, because he is blind, knows not whether he is on the blonde side or the homosexual side. Max is disturbed because of the voices in his head. Victor prays often and aloud. Two girls on the blonde side are dead. Mitch has a gun, but it is not loaded.
Questions to answer:
~who stands on the blonde side? Who stands on the homosexual side?
~who are the men and the women; who are the atheists and/or chiropractors?
~who is guilty of the crime involving sandwiches?
~How did the two girls on the blonde side die?
~Is Yvonne insane?
Good luck…that taco could be yours!
Statistics-induced strangeness
Haha! So I decided to make a histogram of my 15 most commonly used moods here on MySpace. Some of them, as you can see, are grouped together (mainly because, in my opinion, there aren’t any big differences between “anxious” and “stressed” or “good” and “okay”). The unit on the y-axis is “times used” and the unit on the x-axis is “mood.” Forgot to put those in there…
Oh, and a title! Um…
Not too surprising. Pretty random.
Isn’t it sad I flippin’ made a graph?
I think so.
30 short reasons why I need a life
Ahoy there! I’m only posting this cause I can’t think of anything else to post.
Plus it’s funny.
Poor Aneel.
Claudia Mahler wrote
Yeah…finally jumped on the Facebook wagon. Can’t do lunch today; I have to go to Polya (poop) cause I haven’t had the chance to so far this week. We could go on Tuesday maybe…
Claudia Mahler wrote
It’s Aneel, it’s Aneel, it’s Aneel-neel-neel!
It’s Aneel, it’s Aneel, it’s Aneel-neel-neel!
It’s Aneel, it’s Aneel, it’s Aneel-neel-neel!
It’s Aneeeeel…
It’s Aneel-neel-neel!
Claudia Mahler wrote
If a quantum physicist and a lawyer were locked in a room together and were forced to come up to the answer to, “if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?”, would the quantum physicist be victorious over the lawyer, or vice-versa?
Claudia Mahler wrote
My money’s on the cat.
Claudia Mahler wrote
Oh, crap! I forgot to put the cat in the story!
Claudia Mahler wrote
If a quantum physicist, a cat, and a lawyer were locked in a room together and were forced to come up to the answer to “if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?”, would the quantum physicist be victorious over the lawyer and the cat, the lawyer over the quantum physicist and the cat, or the cat over the lawyer and quantum physicist?
Claudia Mahler wrote
Now my money’s on the quantum physicist. No way in hell is a cat going to be able to vocalize his answer.
Claudia Mahler wrote
How could you’ve written on my wall at 11:26 PM TODAY when it’s only 11:10?
Tell me the secrets of your time travel.
Oh, and it’s a good thing you replied. I was about to do a one-sided conversation thingy like I did on messenger that one time…
Claudia Mahler wrote
O…kay…my post is at 2 in the morning…what time system are you on?
Or is it me?
Claudia Mahler wrote
Are you ever gonna answer that lawyer/cat/quantum physicist question?
Do it NOW!
Claudia Mahler wrote
That new pic is as hot as the sun’s core temperature (15,000,000 degrees Celsius, or something like that. Why isn’t there an “approximately” symbol on the keyboard? I think this should be a new Facebook group: “Petition to Add the Squiggly Equal Sign to the Standard American Keyboard”).
In fact, my monitor is on fire. PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT!
Ah, screw it. Aneel=sexy.
…
*cough*cat/lawyer/quantum physicist question*cough*
Claudia Mahler wrote
YOU! Didn’t I nearly dominate your wall at one point? Do you want that again? I DIDN’T THINK SO, SOLDIER!
Ahem…okay. Much love. Reply.
Claudia Mahler wrote
SHARMEGAMAN!
You know I love your driving. I love your driving as much as I love math.
I need to take over your wall again at some point in the near future.
Claudia Mahler wrote
Aneel! President Fillmore has an urgent call for you on line three! Pick up at once!
Claudia Mahler wrote
Line three: “Mr. Sharma! President Millard Fillmore here! I’m in need of your assistance! No one freakin’ remembers who I was! It’s as if I never was President! What do I do?”
Claudia Mahler wrote
Line three: “…what do you mean you don’t know who I am?”
Claudia Mahler wrote
Aneel! President Millard Fillmore has just hung up on you! I do believe that this will lead to some sort of national crisis! I’m scared!
Claudia Mahler wrote
Oh wait. He’s dead, isn’t he? Never mind.
…Then who were you talking to?
Claudia Mahler wrote
So hier’ s einige zufälligen Scheiße auf Deutsch. Ich werde Sie können nicht lesen dieses Recht ab dem Schlagholz, nicht wahr wetten? Wenn Sie dies hinter übersetzen, ist es wahrscheinlich nicht etwas schließt zu was ich habe eingetippt, eh? Lesen Sie die Linie in Zitaten, übersetzen Sie es, erwidert dann zu mir mit dieser Linie in der Nachricht, damit ich werde wissen, dass Sie ein wahrer Freund sind, stimmt zu? Aaaannnnnddd. ..go! „Ich wünsche, dass Ihr schnitzel in meiner Scheide war”
Hint: it’s German!
Claudia Mahler wrote
I’m so glad we’re married. Why haven’t you changed your little relationship status?
You’re a bad wife.
Claudia Mahler wrote
…a naughty, dirty wife…
Claudia Mahler wrote
Write a new blog, already. About the wedding at Jack-in-the-Box. It was lovely, wasn’t it?
Claudia Mahler wrote
Huttah! Get back from California, already.
I find it disturbing that, when typing in the web address for Facebook, I accidentally (almost automatically) typed http://www.fecesbook.com.
What does that mean?
And put your wedding ring on, missy. I know you’re not wearing it.
You don’t want me to call Dr. Phil.
Claudia Mahler wrote
Haha, I totally own your wall…48% of the comments are mine.
Yes, I tallied them up.
Yes, I’m a loser.
Yes, I’m not wearing any clothes and am taking pictures just for you. :P
Claudia Mahler wrote
Ha…I’m totally making a Flash animation about you.
Set to “Macarena.”
It’s genius.
Claudia Mahler wrote
Are your butts brown?
Claudia Mahler wrote
Edit for last post: replace “butts” with “eyes” and answer accordingly.
Claudia Mahler wrote
Turns out I eliminated all eye color in the end.
Go figure.
And yes, it’s going well, thanks for asking. :P
You will be pleased…..veeeeeeeeeery pleased…
Hehehe…
Claudia Mahler wrote
Question: exactly how horribly insulting can I be in this movie? Are you going to put any limitations on me? Example: I can dress you up as a girl but I can’t show you hanging out with Ross.
Etc.
P.S. Sex.
Claudia Mahler wrote
How the hell did you get 60 wall posts?!
Oh wait.
Haha, what the hell?
This is probably the strangest survey I’ve come across, so of course I had to fill it out:
NAME:
Claudia
5 THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH A BRICK:
1. Build with it
2. Chuck it at an enemy
3. Hump it
4. Use it to smash one Christmas light in a long series of Christmas lights that are connected to a electrical converter that is hooked to a quarter welded to a snakeskin that has been coated with a special metal alloy that enables it to transmit nuclear energy through the air to a reciever on the hood of a time-warping machine that allows you to go back to the time to prevent said brick from ever being made.
5. Stand on it to create the illusion of height!
I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO:
Use a brick to smash one Christmas light in a long series of Christmas lights that are connected to a electrical converter that is hooked to a quarter welded to a snakeskin that has been coated with a special metal alloy that enables it to transmit nuclear energy through the air to a reciever on the hood of a time-warping machine that allows you to go back to the time to prevent said brick from ever being made.
IF YOU HAD TO BE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH AN INFAMOUS CRIMINAL (DEAD OR ALIVE), WHO WOULD IT BE?
Hitler! Definitely Hitler.
Note: me choosing Hitler as the criminal I’d like to spend time with on a desert island does not make me a Hitler activist. Jeez.
BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSAUR VS. A VELOCIRAPTOR: WHO WOULD WIN?
It’s all a question of stamina. Will barney be able to withstand the disemboweling longer than the velociraptor will be able to withstand the “I love you…you love me…” song?
Yeah. My vote’s on Barney.
HOW DO YOU THROW AWAY A GARGABE CAN?
Duh! You throw it in the…
…oh.
Fail.
ITS TIME TO VOTE. THE OPPOSING PARTY OFFERS YOU $100 TO VOTE FOR THEM, AND WILL KNOW IF YOU ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH IT. DO YOU ACCEPT?
The opposing party in this case is the Republican Party. So no way in hell.
IF PRESIDENT BUSH WAS A TYPE OF FOOD, WHAT FOOD WOULD HE BE?
A dodo meat burger.
No question.
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS:
You mean I could make my own? Wow…this could take awhile…
I must think on this.
So you want to build a three-masted schooner…
I’m calling this art, even though it’s a piece of crap.
I’ll modify it/remove it/hang my head in shame if you want me to, Aneel.
But yeah. This is basically the intro, I plan on animating the whole song.
Hope it’s not too bad! I suck at Flash!
Millard Fillmore?! No way!
Because Millard Fillmore Appreciation Week should last one day longer than a week:
The Survey in Which Every Answer Includes the Name “Millard Fillmore”
1. I love…Millard Fillmore
2. Right now I want…to get into Millard Fillmore’s pants
3. I feel like…feeling up Millard Fillmore
4. I hate it when…I’m not feeling up Millard Fillmore
5. I fear…a world without Millard Fillmore
6. I’m lonely without…Millard Fillmore by my side
7. I need…Millard Fillmore! Now! Go!
8. Today I…went to Millard Fillmore’s grave and wept uncontrollably for the great loss our country suffered when he died
9. Tomorrow I’m…going to Millard Fillmore’s grave to weep uncontrollably for the great loss our country suffered when he died (and then I’m going to get that taco from last night’s dream)
10. I just…want Millard Fillmore, is that too much to ask?!
11. I want to meet…Abraham Lincoln (cause I’ve already met Millard Fillmore)
12. I’m hungry for…whatever Millard Fillmore cooks
13. I love it when…Millard Fillmore takes his pants off and does the “Macarena” every night at 10
14. I’m afraid of…losing my sex drive and having to explain myself to Millard Fillmore on our honeymoon
15. I’m listening to…Millard Fillmore whispering sweet nothings into the ear of a bran muffin
16. I’m wearing…underwear that used to belong to Millard Fillmore
17. I wish I was in…Millard Fillmore
18. I’m craving…Millard Fillmore’s…yeah.
19. I want to get…a Millard Fillmore action figure to play with when he’s not around!
20. I can…see myself being Millard Fillmore’s wife
21. I can’t…marry anyone else but Millard Fillmore!
22. I have…a social obligation to Millard Fillmore! That is why I can see myself as his wife!
23. I haven’t…been unfaithful to Millard Fillmore. Never!
24. I’m nervous to…tell Millard Fillmore that I once dated Zach Taylor and now he’s stalking me even though he’s dead
25. My Mom thinks…that I’m a bit too obsessed with Millard Fillmore
26. My Dad thinks…”who the hell is Millard Fillmore?”
27. I think…”Millard Fillmore + me = OMG!”
28. I’m happy when…Millard Fillmore is in the room
29. I’m sad when…Millard Fillmore sets fire to the room
30. I like eating…when Millard Fillmore’s around me!
31. I hate eating…alone and without Millard Fillmore
32. I love watching…Millard Fillmore take his drawers off and beckon me towards him
33. I love listening to…Millard Fillmore’s feeble attempts at tickling the ivory (he hates elephants and they like to stomp him)
34. I like playing…with Millard Fillmore’s fragile emotions till he’s putty in my hands and I can do whatever I want with him!
35. I hate waking up to…my parole officer threatening me in order to get me to stop stalking Millard Fillmore
36. I can see…Millard Fillmore! Seriously, he’s right there! Don’t you see him?
37. I’m glad that…Millard Fillmore was around and made our world better
38. I’m disappointed that…Millard Fillmore never got around to culinary school (those stupid elephants take up too much of his time!)
39. I look like…Millard Fillmore’s twice-removed half-brother’s uncle’s cousin’s second daughter
40. I wish I looked like…Millard Fillmore
I Fantasize of Fillmore
(The title is a total rip-off of “I Dream of Jeannie”, but who cares, eh?)
Holy crap! He’s invading my flippin’ dreams now! It must be a happy little pay-off to the week dedicated to him. However, it was one weird dream…
So Maggie and I (yes, Maggie, you were in this dream as well) were walking around in this half-collapsed house in the dead of winter. On the upper floor, there’s this random guy who appears to have just strangled his wife or something. We take note of this, but don’t really care at the time (are we high? Are we insane? What’s going on here?!).
Yeah. So anyways, Maggie’s kind of wandering around and I’m digging around in this one dark corner of the bottom floor’s main room. I stumble upon a life-sized statue thingy of Millard Fillmore, and I’m all “OMG LOL MILLARD FILLMORE, BITCH!” But in truth, I say, “Hey Maggie, look what I found–a Millard Fillmore statue.” I notice that he has this hidden compartment in his chest, so I open it and pull out this old spell book.
I look through it for a while and notice that these six long, rusty nails (phallic symbols–holy crap!) appear on the floor. I read this one spell and say to Maggie, “hey, guess what we can do? We can take these nails and this spell and pick six people and send them to hell!” Maggie’s all, “O…kay…” and I’m going, “here, take the nails and pick six people to kill. I’m going to go get a taco.” Maggie gets all flustered and uncomfortable, saying, “I don’t really feel comfortable killing people this way. What if something goes wrong?” So I basically explain that this was the way business was carried out–one person came up with the idea and the other carries it out. I point to myself and say “concept” and then point to her and say “execution.” Then I hand her the nails and leave (I’m totally ditching the whole situation…why does this sound familiar?).
And then I’m in Maggie’s head, thinking as she would think in the dream. She’s going, “okay, I’ve got these death nails…I guess I’ll kill that guy upstairs cause he just killed his wife…”, so she drops one of the nails into the ground. Then she runs out of ideas about who to kill and thinks, “I guess I can kill whoever came up with this weather…cause it’s so…cold?”
And then the alarm woke me up. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the rest of Maggie’s victims. Nor did I ever get that taco.
Keep in mind this was a dream. Apologies to Maggie and the great Millard Fillmore.
<3 We will always keep him in our hearts. <3
*ATTENTION!*
Here you go, you horny little weirdos. My masterpiece. For the few of you who were in it (and the many of you who have heard about it), here is the special re-submitted “The Desert!”
For all of you who have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, I strongly suggest that you watch it.
NOTE: this was made about a year and a half ago one late summer night when I was off the pills and on the sugar. You’ve been warned.
Here are the new links:
The Desert I
The Desert II
The Desert III
The Desert IV
The Desert V
The Desert VI
The Desert VII
The Desert VIII
The Desert IX
The Desert X
The Desert Finale
The Desert Aftermath
Alternate Finale (watch this one after episode ten, then continue on to the aftermath)
Enjoy!
Also, here is today’s Fillmore Fact™ (please note that yesterday’s Fact was the font thing. Yes, I’m counting that. Shut up.):
Holy crap…he was one of only two presidents to have double letters in both his first and last names! (special bonus gold star for the person who figures out who this other president was! )
Looking for the best font for you? I got the answer right here for the low low price of $19.99!
Due to several (two) conversations with several (two) people, I have decided to take several (twelve) fonts and analyze the personalities of the people who might use them!
Be aware: some of the fonts are a little hard to read. If you can’t read them, I would advise you to copy and paste them into Word and transform them into a font you can more easily read.
Also be aware: I am a dork.
Here we go!
Bauhaus 93
After much deliberation, Maggie and I decided that this was the font of Millard Fillmore (but only if it were colored fuchsia). Why?
Because it reminded us of sex. The only problem with this font is the ‘s’, but that will not be a problem unless “Millard Fillmore had promiscuous sex in Mississippi (and now has syphilis).”
No one can use this except Millard Fillmore (and his spawn).
Chiller
Ah, the good o’l serial killer font. If you use this you may very well feel the need to dress up as a clown and kill people in their bathtubs.
Curlz MT
Like, OMG! This totally reminds me of, like, those girls who are always like talking and stuff? And, you know, they like aren’t very smart? And they’re like everywhere? I totally think they’d, like, use this font!!!!!!11
Eras Light ITC
Ah, the font God uses. So perfect in its lettering and so heavenly, no mortal can use it.
Possible side-effects of this font include incredible healing powers, the ability to walk on water, the ability to rise from the dead after a short period of time, and a strong affiliation with one’s Father.
And God said, “Let there be Eras Light!”
Juice ITC
This font is probably the most inappropriately named font there is. I would never call this font “Juice,” and I’m sure that any other non-blind person would have to agree. It’s more “Stick Up My Ass ITC” than anything.
This person will appear to be a fun-loving individual, but the moment something goes wrong or a task to be completed is assigned, he’ll crush you beneath his foot and never crack a smile again. The best example of personality change in this person would be if Bill Cosby suddenly, in a nanosecond, became Hitler.
“Juice.”
Please.
OCR A Extended
Gay marriage is wrong. Abortion is wrong. George W. Bush is a great president.
Sorry…
Republican font.
Avoid at all costs.
Perpetua Tilting MT Bold
This font compels one to use black and to speak in complete sentences. One feels they must use correct capitalization, though It does not matter when typing in this font. They may feel the urge to go to Wall Street.
Playbill
This person will enjoy calling you “pardner” even if you’re their mortal enemy. They are most likely very bow-legged and are a bit too close to their horse. They will see something—–say, a pie–—and claim it is not big enough for the both of you.
On the bright side, they are very good with ropes.
Rockwell Extra Bold
Hell yeah! This guy’s a man! He eats steak! He doesn’t wear a shirt! He likes to crush cans against his forehead! He likes using the phrases “dude!” and “touchdown!” and “get me a beer, woman!”. This guy has way too much testosterone for his own good. He enjoys nachos, barbeques, and barbequed nachos.
Oh, and sex.
Showcard Gothic
This is the type of person who is on the edge of using the “chiller” font. They probably press so hard when writing that they make impressions in the table/desk/steel plate beneath the paper. They’re the 34-year-olds who have worked at burger king their entire lives and are damn bitter about it.
When you are around this person, try not to use any phrase with the word “Whopper” in it.
Viner Hand ITC
This font shows the progress of the serial killer after they’ve been in prison for several decades and have been released back into society. Note the subtle hits of “Chiller” still breaking through the “nicer” lettering.
Watch the hell out for the person who uses this font.
Wide Latin
Does this font make my words look fat?
Only people who weigh upwards of 300 pounds should use this, unless one wants to convey a physical appearance of inescapable fat rolls. I honestly can’t see this font leading to a positive result on a dating site:
Sexybabe69: Hay there sexi ;) !!!
Joe100: Hello
Joe100: hold on]
Joe100: font chnge
Sexybabe69: hurry back k
Joe100: alright im back
Joe100: sexybabe
[sexybabe69 logged off]
Joe100: ello
Joe100: dam
See what I mean? Fonts can mess with people. I urge you to take this list to heart, no matter how crappily thrown together it is.
Special thanks to: Aneel (Thursday’s victim) and Maggie (Friday’s victim).
An anomaly in my regular blogging schedule
What’s this? I’m blogging in the middle of the day? WTF?
Well, biology lab doesn’t start until next week, and band doesn’t start until next week, so I don’t have any classes today!
So I decided, because I’m bored and have nothing to do, rather than a normal Fillmore Fact™, I would provide for you a taste of my (crappy) Flash skills.
This short film explores Cheech and Chong’s “Dave” by placing Dave (movie president; it’ll make more sense if you’re familiar with the movie) outside the gates of heaven. When he knocks, the angel of Millard Fillmore comes to answer. Hilarity ensues.
Several notes on this short little film:
~the sound is low. Turn up the volume.
~the quality is low. That’s because I can’t animate.
~that thing in the middle is supposed to be the gates to heaven, where Fillmore resides.
~the preloader is from newgrounds.com, cause it’s the only place I could find a preloader.
~this was made in about 10 minutes.
Enjoy!
Oh, and comments are APPRECIATED!!! (HINT HINT HINT!)
I have plenty of class(es)!
Went to five of my six classes today (statistics has been pushed back until next Wednesday), and most of them seem pretty awesome. I’m going to love psychology, especially since we get to develop our own theory of personality (which I’ve already got mostly worked out–how sad is that?). Literature of Western Civilization (part 2!) is going to be rough, though. I’m scared. And biology. Don’t know how that’s going to turn out.
I haven’t used a smiley in awhile, have I?
Oh, crap! Almost forgot! Fillmore Fact™:
He had no formal education, he was a lawyer, and his nickname is the “American Louis Phillipe”…whoever that is.
Well, here we go again…
Crap, I’m nervous. Why does school make me so nervous? Especially the first day…we don’t ever do anything on the first day!
Gr!
Ulcers!
Vomiting!
This is not what I’d like to be doing right now!
FillmoreFact™:
He was the last of the Whigs! Holy crap, isn’t that historic? Also, here’s his very presidential-looking grave:
Several random things presented in a numbered list with multiple details entered for each item
1. Books:
Twelve. I have twelve books for this semester. How much did they cost altogether? $500. How much did they weigh altogether? 48 lbs. How much did they feel like they weighed when all the weight was supported by a thin little piece of plastic bag handle? 100 lbs. Frick. ‘Twas painful.
2. SimReality:
So here’s this new thingy I wanna try. It’s going to be like a reality show, except it goes on in The Sims 2. It’s going to be an experiment involving the old high school group of Aneel, E’raina, Candida, Shannyn, Amy, and myself. We will live in this big mansion thingy and I’ll just let things go to see what happens. I will call it “SimReality.” It will premiere this Saturday. Get ready, people.
3. Obligatory FillmoreFact™:
Apparently, his last words were, upon being fed some soup, “the nourishment is palatable.”
Millard Fillmore Appreciation Week!
On December 28th, I wrote this:
“Agh!
Millard Fillmore!
Who is this guy and why do I suddenly have such an obsession with him? He is, like, the ONE president absolutely NO ONE remembers. What’d he do? NOTHING! I mean he only became president because Taylor bit it. And what kind of name is “Millard”, anyway?
Well, I’ll give him points for single-handedly bringing down the grades of thousands of elementary school children across the country when they’re asked to recite the list of the Presidents of the United States and are unable to remember the name “Millard Fillmore”.
Also, bonus points must be given because he and my dad were born on the same day of the year. Perhaps that means that my dad will fall into the same obscurity as…
…oh, shoot, what’s his name, again?”
This obsession still continues. Today, I realized that it was Millard Fillmore’s birthday. So I’ve decided to declare the week of January 7th-January 14th Millard Fillmore Appreciation Week!
During this week, I declare that us (my dorky friends and I) annoy each other with random Millard Fillmore facts. I myself will be posting a random Fillmore Fact™ at the end of all my blogs.
Let’s have a cheer for America’s most obscure president!
MEGA BLOG UPDATE: FINISHED!
Haha! I finally did it. Now read them, or this was all in vain.
Dork.
I make the strangest cartoons…
I probably should’ve used a more recognizable state/capital combo, eh?
Custom Sign Generator fun!
Warning Sign Generator + boredom = these:
You down wit’ OCD?
What’s up with these whacked-out dreams? Last night, I had this really freaky dream about being stalked. So I was in my dad’s old condo, getting ready to go swimming. It was like there were two versions of my dad there—one who was really desperately trying to get me to the pool a half an hour early, and one who was sleeping on the couch. So I go to the pool, and there’s a bunch of these bratty little kids there. Apparently, each time a new person comes to the pool, a person who was already there has to leave, so if I were to go in the pool, one of the little kids would have to leave. So instead of going to the pool (I hate kids anyway), I let the little bugger stay and went back to the house. I was feeling pretty good about the little good deed I did, and then suddenly I was riding my bike down a whole bunch of dirt and snow hills around Moscow. Pretty carelessly, as I recall. After a few minutes of this, I was downtown at the photography place. I went in there and seemed to know all the people. I was talking to this one guy for quite some time, then finally got my pictures and left. It was dark at this point, and I remember that I had taken the car to get the pictures (though I had really ridden my bike…WTF?). I go out into the parking lot behind the building and start looking for the car. It was then that I realized I couldn’t find it anywhere. I started to panic, then noticed that it was sitting off in a corner with the doors open. This really freaked me out and it was at this point that I started to get pretty paranoid. Just then, these two policemen came walking through the parking lot. I told them about the car, and they took their flashlights and we went over and started searching the car for anyone who may be inside of it. We checked everything at least fifty or so times—it was a very obsessive-compulsive dream. We’d open a door, shut it, then reopen it again just to make sure the “person” wasn’t hiding. Over, and over, and over again. That was basically the whole dream, us checking the damn car. What’s up with that? Anyway, after all that, the policemen sat in the car with me just to make sure it was safe. Then they shut the doors and grabbed me. It was then that I realized that they were the ones that were trying to kill me. Then I was in our house in the bathroom, talking to my mom on the phone. Apparently I got there safe somehow, but they were still trying to get me, cause all the doors were scratched up and there were big spider web cracks in the windows. So I was talking to my mom, all paranoid, telling her about the situation, and then I heard a phone ring. I thought this was weird (and scary!), cause we only had one phone. I said, “hold on a second,” into the phone, then I woke up. The phone was ringing.
What the crap kind of messed up dream was this? It was like Obsessive-Compulsive-O-Vision or something. With a lot of paranoia. Hm. Sounds like my life.
Where there’s smoke…there’s a campfire with roasting s’mores! HOLY CRAP, RUN!
NOOO! I got the Honors program thingy at the U of I chasing me! I hate that kind of crap. I do not want to be in the Honors program. The only reason I will join is if it is guaranteed that we can sign up at the same time as seniors (a point to be disregarded in another year for me, anyway).
I can’t really explain why I don’t want to join…I just don’t. But if it means I have a better chance get into the classes I want for the next year, then I suppose I can suffer. I won’t like these “required every-other-semester” honors classes, though. I’ll have trouble compacting my schedule around them.
Oh crap…2007…
HAPPY NEW YEAR, PEOPLE!
Also, today is yet another blog anniversary. I’m not even keeping track anymore, dangit.
Anyways, this one’s for you, Maggie:
The explanation as to why Spork=Insanity
SPORK
Pork=bacon
SBACON
Bacon=”inside” a pig. Use the “in” and put it on the left “side” of “sbacon.”
INSBACON
Bacon can sometimes be unsanitary. Replace “bacon” with “unsanitary.”
INSUNSANITARY
The sun has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Delete it.
INSANITARY
To rid the word of the “a” and the “r”, think of something that starts with those two letters. Like AR (accelerated reader) books. Did you have to read those in junior high? Didn’t you hate that? Don’t you want to rid your mind of the experience? Yes? Good. Delete the “a” and the “r.”
INSANITY
And God said…
Okay, so here’s the rundown:
Day 1: God created light.
Day 2: God created water/oceans/sky.
Day 3: God created dry ground and plants.
Day 4: God created seasons, the moon, etc.
Day 5: God created the birds and sea creatures.
Day 6: God created land animals and humans.
Day 7: God created—oh, wait! He didn’t create anything today! He FLIPPIN’ TOOK A NAP.
What the crap…? God needed a NAP?? He’s God! You don’t need a nap when you’re the almighty! What possible wonderful things could we have had if God hadn’t been so lazy and had created something on the seventh day?
We could be missing out on fajita trees or something!
How on earth will we solve this crisis?!?!
“…on paper?”
Haha, it’s time to mess with people! Here are snippits from several MSN messenger conversations I’ve had with some of my friends (mainly Aneel and E’raina) over the past year. They’re hilarious.
#1: in which we discuss a certain teacher and her husband:
E’raina: haha, her hubby came to the rink today and had a conversation with my boobs
Claudia: HAHA!
Aneel: yuck
E’raina: i almost cried
Claudia: I bet he’d like some firm ones for once
Claudia: :D
E’raina: haha
Aneel: ewe
E’raina: damn girl!
Claudia: Not that I look or anything…
E’raina: its hard to miss that
Aneel: haha yeah…
E’raina: its one of those “do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”
E’raina: but with boobs
#2: in which we discuss the end of the year BBQ:
E’raina: too bad we don’t have friends with hot tubs
E’raina: or slip n slides
E’raina: or crack
Claudia: I have strippers hidden under my bed!
E’raina: I vote for Claudia’s house
E’raina: Hey C, do you ever have a day where you just want to whip Aneel with a piece of licorice?
#3: in which we discuss Aneel’s hotness:
Claudia: Don’t you think Aneel’s hot?
Claudia: I do
Aneel: o yeah it’s not a secret…lol
E’raina: damn right it isn’t
Aneel: I’m not the best kept secret
#4: in which I promote my website:
Claudia: www.geocities.com/antarctica_freak
Claudia: It is great
Claudia: Brilliant
Aneel: lol well you made it
Claudia: Therefore it is great
Claudia: Brilliant
Claudia: HAHA! I just opened my phone and got an eyeful of Alan crotch!
#5: in which we discuss (argue about) pasta for prom:
Claudia: I’ll bring pasta
Claudia: CLEAN pasta, Aneel
Aneel: why would it be dirty?
E’raina: teehee
Claudia: You were saying it was messy
Aneel: yeah pasta is
Claudia: Not all the time
E’raina: it can be
Claudia: But not all the time
Aneel: exactly
Aneel: but it can
Claudia: BUT NOT ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!!!
Claudia: Gang up on me, why don’t ya?
E’raina: i love pasta
E’raina: i’m all about the pasta
Aneel: lol it’s ok I like it to sometimes
E’raina: I love it!
Claudia: …so pasta?
#6: in which Aneel and I discuss what we’re doing at the moment:
Claudia: Did you just say something?
Claudia: …Sharma?
Aneel: yeah whats up>?
Claudia: Government final :(
Claudia: You?
Aneel: I’m decorating my glasses case
Claudia: To make it more manly?
Claudia: Does he really count as a boy?
Claudia: He’s an…Aneel
Aneel (talking about his government final): do you think Hall would care if I did the whole research paper in landscape format?
#7: in which Aneel and I discuss the final government question:
Aneel: what creative thing did you do for a bill becoming a law?
Claudia: I just did a flowchart
Claudia: You haven’t done that yet?
Aneel: nope
Aneel: flowchart?
Aneel: how do you make one of those?
Claudia: Yeah
Claudia: Just draw it
Aneel (like 5 minutes later): on paper?
Eigenblogger 
