Millard Fillmore?! No way!


Because Millard Fillmore Appreciation Week should last one day longer than a week:

The Survey in Which Every Answer Includes the Name “Millard Fillmore”
1. I love…Millard Fillmore
2. Right now I want…to get into Millard Fillmore’s pants
3. I feel like…feeling up Millard Fillmore
4. I hate it when…I’m not feeling up Millard Fillmore
5. I fear…a world without Millard Fillmore
6. I’m lonely without…Millard Fillmore by my side
7. I need…Millard Fillmore! Now! Go!
8. Today I…went to Millard Fillmore’s grave and wept uncontrollably for the great loss our country suffered when he died
9. Tomorrow I’m…going to Millard Fillmore’s grave to weep uncontrollably for the great loss our country suffered when he died (and then I’m going to get that taco from last night’s dream)
10. I just…want Millard Fillmore, is that too much to ask?!
11. I want to meet…Abraham Lincoln (cause I’ve already met Millard Fillmore)
12. I’m hungry for…whatever Millard Fillmore cooks
13. I love it when…Millard Fillmore takes his pants off and does the “Macarena” every night at 10
14. I’m afraid of…losing my sex drive and having to explain myself to Millard Fillmore on our honeymoon
15. I’m listening to…Millard Fillmore whispering sweet nothings into the ear of a bran muffin
16. I’m wearing…underwear that used to belong to Millard Fillmore
17. I wish I was in…Millard Fillmore
18. I’m craving…Millard Fillmore’s…yeah.
19. I want to get…a Millard Fillmore action figure to play with when he’s not around!
20. I can…see myself being Millard Fillmore’s wife
21. I can’t…marry anyone else but Millard Fillmore!
22. I have…a social obligation to Millard Fillmore! That is why I can see myself as his wife!
23. I haven’t…been unfaithful to Millard Fillmore. Never!
24. I’m nervous to…tell Millard Fillmore that I once dated Zach Taylor and now he’s stalking me even though he’s dead
25. My Mom thinks…that I’m a bit too obsessed with Millard Fillmore
26. My Dad thinks…”who the hell is Millard Fillmore?”
27. I think…”Millard Fillmore + me = OMG!”
28. I’m happy when…Millard Fillmore is in the room
29. I’m sad when…Millard Fillmore sets fire to the room
30. I like eating…when Millard Fillmore’s around me!
31. I hate eating…alone and without Millard Fillmore
32. I love watching…Millard Fillmore take his drawers off and beckon me towards him
33. I love listening to…Millard Fillmore’s feeble attempts at tickling the ivory (he hates elephants and they like to stomp him)
34. I like playing…with Millard Fillmore’s fragile emotions till he’s putty in my hands and I can do whatever I want with him!
35. I hate waking up to…my parole officer threatening me in order to get me to stop stalking Millard Fillmore
36. I can see…Millard Fillmore! Seriously, he’s right there! Don’t you see him?
37. I’m glad that…Millard Fillmore was around and made our world better
38. I’m disappointed that…Millard Fillmore never got around to culinary school (those stupid elephants take up too much of his time!)
39. I look like…Millard Fillmore’s twice-removed half-brother’s uncle’s cousin’s second daughter
40. I wish I looked like…Millard Fillmore

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