Tag Archives: puns

A Doctor a Day Keeps the Apple Away

I think the more stressed I am, the more apt I am to make really, really dumb jokes.

Example: I keep my iPod Touch next to my bed couch so I have something to write down any genius ideas I come up with during the night (yeah, right).

So as I was falling asleep last night, this is the joke I thought of:

What do you call a paper towel family that’s having a siesta? Napkins!

Just kill me now.

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Would a passionate speech about horology be considered a glockenspiel?

I think it would be super cool if someone came up with a cookbook in which all recipes were stupid reconfigurations of mathematicians’/statisticians’ names or mathematical objects.

Examples:

  • Fibognocci
  • Tukey Sandwiches
  • Vennison
  • Bonferroni and Cheese
  • Putnaan (“Putnam” and “naan”…anyone?)*
  • Gabriel’s Corn
  • Mandelbratwurst
  • Fig Newto—OH WAIT

I’d buy a cookbook like that.

 

*Yes, I know Putnam wasn’t a mathematician himself, but he’s got that competition named after him, so yeah. It counts.

MORE CAPS LOCK = MORE STUPID PUNS

WASHINGTON CROSSES THE DELAWARE!

6-13-2013

WHY AM I ALLOWED TO HAVE FLASH?

I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE FLASH.

(…or Red Bull)

Crowin’ it

Happy birthday, mom! Sorry I kind of turned today into a Let’s All Get Depressed party tonight. Unfortunately, that’s the only thing I’m good at sometimes.

However, this shall possibly cheer you up: my new favorite meme.

It’s like Lame Pun Coon, but even lamer. And punnier. And therefore it’s awesome. I’d pick a favorite but I giggle like an idiot through each page, so I don’t think I can.

Fontasia

This is genius.

Also, “Fontasia” would make an EXCELLENT Flash project, and would be attempted if I weren’t so lazy.

Dork.

I make the strangest cartoons…

I probably should’ve used a more recognizable state/capital combo, eh?

I should be shot

So here’s another of my tasteless jokes. I don’t know if I’ve ever told any of you any of my tasteless jokes (Besides that prostitute/midget one) but here’s another one I thought up last night:

A father gong (yes, a gong) is approached one day by his daughter.
“Dad?” the teenage gong asks.
“Yes, honey?”
“Um…well…there’s no real easy way to tell you this, but…I think I’m bisexual.”
The father gong erupts into a rage. “WHAT?! BISEXUAL?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOUNG LADY? I THOUGHT YOUR MOTHER AND I RAISED YOU RIGHT!! LEAVE THIS HOUSE IMMEDIATELY!”
The young gong rus from the house, crying.
As the father gong sits frozen with rage, the mother gong comes up beside him.
“I suppose she told you the news about her bisexuality?” the mother asks.
“Yes,” the father replies. “But I’m so angry. How could she do this to me after all I’ve done for her?”
“I know dear, but there’s nothing you can do.”

“You’ve simply got to let bi-gongs be bi-gongs.”

Twice the flavor with half the Jihad!

Thanks to the brilliance of Geocities, I can now bring you this!

Euthanasia

Get it?

Holy crap, I need a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Or a sock puppet with a personality.