Tag Archives: titles

Silly Claudia Idea #3144:

What would happen if famous books were really all about statistics?

  • The Trial would become The Bernoulli Trial
  • The Count of Monte Cristo would become The Count of Monte Carlo
  • Great Expectations would become Great Expected Values
  • The Old Man and the Sea would become The Old Man and the C-Test
  • The Wonderful Wizard of Oz would become The Wonderful Wizard of Odds
  • The Bell Jar would become The Bell Curve…though of course, there already is a book called The Bell Curve, so how about this: For Whom the Bell Tolls would become For Whom the Bell Curves
  • The Kite Runner would become The Code Runner
  • The Sun Also Rises would become The Sum Also Rises

And finally,

  • One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich would become One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is Not a Large Enough Sample Size to Allow Us to Make Claims About the Average Day of Ivan Denisovich.

MAKE IT HAPPEN!

(Sorry, I’m super nervous for tomorrow and thus am making zero sense today.)

I’ll Get You, My Pretty, and Your Little Blog, Too!

Hello ladies and gents. There is something special about today’s blog.

Today is my 2,000th blog!

YAY!

This means it’s been 2,000 days since May 1st, 2006. That simultaneously sounds so long and yet so short.

ANYWAY!

In modest celebration (“modest” meaning “not extravagant;” all my crap’s packed up and I’m sitting in a hotel waiting to go home tomorrow and thus haven’t really had time to make a huge celebration blog), I’m going to list my top 20 blog titles and top 20 blogs. Because that’s kind of what I do.

Titles first!

Top 20 Titles (yes, most of these are stupid puns. Deal.)

  1. Are the bulbs of mercury at the bottom of thermometers collectively known as H.G. Wells?
  2. I just realized I’m illiterate and now I cacng apbtrtht kd thactgs
  3. Do physical comedians suffer from post-dramatic jest disorder?
  4. Circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works because circular reasoning works…
  5. Do philosophy departments have Causal Fridays?
  6. My new position at the PepsiCo factory isn’t the greatest job in the world, but I’m making Dew
  7. Waiter! There’s a tachyon in my—oh wait, there it goes, never mind.
  8. Is a theorem about pickles called a dill lemma?
  9. I am 95% confident that the population parameter ‘love’ falls between you and me
  10. If you want to eat an apple pie, you must first consume the universe
  11. Yo blog title, I’mma let you finish, but this entry holds one of the best blogs of all time
  12. I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot.
  13. I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil.
  14. Hammer Time is the fifth dimension
  15. How much fit would an index fit if the index indexed fit?
  16. Is Superman’s costume considered his strong suit?
  17. Silly Rabbit…Trix are for Magicians
  18. This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
  19. Some Days I Miss My Sanity. Other Days I’m Just a Toaster.
  20. Waiter! There’s an infinite loop in my Waiter! There’s an infinite loop in my Waiter!…

Top 20 Blogs

  1. The Second Continental Chatroom – This is probably the only halfway funny thing I’ve ever written. Fueled by Chips Ahoy, baby. Fueled by Chips Ahoy.
  2. Claudia the Angry Blogger Presents: Yet Another Rant against Pretty Much Everything – This blog started as like three paragraphs and ballooned to a full-on “I hate change, especially on the internet” rant. It makes me happy.
  3. U Can’t Prove This – I’m really not sure how I managed to rewrite U Can’t Touch This while under the incredible stress of a 25-credit finals week, but here it is.
  4. HOT DAMN, Tukey Sandwiches! – I think the “pun to normal content” ratio is at its most ridiculous in this blog.
  5. Multicollinearity: The Silent Killer – If you don’t talk to your kid about near linear dependence, who will?
  6. A STATELY CHALLENGE – Because my first draft of the US without reference to a map is hilarious.
  7. My new position at the PepsiCo factory isn’t the greatest job in the world, but I’m making Dew – Philosophy of science stuff.
  8. Damn this infernal 95 character limit! I have witty things to say in my titles! This is crap! – Bashing Microsoft ’07: a happy pastime of mine.
  9. Pi vs. e – Alternate title: “R has two subsequent heart attacks.”
  10. Blameworthiness and the Anonymous Judge: An Analysis of FML Categories – My hypothesis was supported! WOO! I’d also like to expand this study at some point.
  11. If a blog falls in the forest… – Because of the Pokemon card.
  12. Gordon Freeman: A Case Study – Because of Gordon Freeman.
  13. Apple stores are goddamn scary – In terms of frightening corporate power, Apple is still < Google, but both should be watched carefully.
  14. An analysis of statewise uniform population density (according to Craigslist) – More stats fun.
  15. I’ve been waiting years for this – I remember being SO HAPPY when I opened the M&Ms package.
  16. Piece of Pi – More song parody! More math!
  17. Are the bulbs of mercury at the bottom of thermometers collectively known as H.G. Wells? – I really don’t know why I like this blog, I just do. Hippos.
  18. In This Blog: My Data Look like a Napkin Swan – Because of the uncanny and hilarious resemblance.
  19. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is like a bad drug trip – It is! Seriously!
  20. Waiter! There’s a hippo in my Taco Grande! – Ye olde rant against pants. One of my early blogs.

Yay for 2,000 blogs. Here’s to 2,000 more, eh?

30-Day Meme – Day 21: A recipe.
YAY, a recipe! Cooking = win. Here’s one from the internet and one of my own.
1. Internet recipe
This makes a phenomenal breakfast/anytime bread. Super easy to make and crumbly as hell, this bread has a really good texture to it that adds to the sweet (but not overly so) taste. The only problem is that it goes moldy quite quickly if you try to stretch its life for more than five or six days.

2. Claudia recipe
You know I have to plug my Tukey sandwiches again (even though I just did), made and named in honor of the brilliant John Tukey. Because nothing says “you’re an awesome statistician” like a punny sandwich.

Please fasten your seatbelts and secure your belongings as we descend into YEAR NUMBER FIVE

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the fifth year of Claudia’s blogs. I’ve been looking forward to this day since about July because having nearly 1,500 blogs allows for copious amounts of stats insanity, most of which I’m not going to post here (messing around with regression? DON’T MIND IF I DO).
Anyway.

PART I. NO ONE CAN RESIST THE EXCITEMENT OF TREND ANALYSES!

As you know, I dig graphs. Hence, here are a few graphs. The light red straight line on each one indicates the mean value. Doing this was massively enjoyable.

Ordered from lowest to highest. This one surprised me. I was expecting to see some sort of trend—like maybe lower word counts in general for the summer months or something. But no. Haha, it’s interesting that the first months of living in the house with the boys have such low word counts. I guess I was too busy playing Rock Band and killing mice.

Average word count overall: 7,348

I think the sheer number of surveys I do dragged this down for most months, but who knows.

Ordered:

Average words per sentence overall: 9.52

GFI is the Gunning Fox Index, which tells you the number of years of formal education a person requires in order to be able to understand the text in one read. For comparison’s sake: the GFI of one of my phil papers was 16.67 (average words per sentence was about 22), so obviously I put “school writing” and “blog writing” in two very different categories. As it should be.

Ordered:

Average GFI overall: 7.26

 

 

PART II. WORDLE!

 

 

 

PART III. THE TITLES, THE TITLES!

You know I couldn’t resist.

The “Waiter!” ones

  • Waiter! There’s a hippo in my Taco Grande!
  • Waiter! They’re a Pythagorean Theorem in my Pi!
  • Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!
  • Waiter! There’s a quadriplegic in my Jazzercise class!
  • Waiter! There’s an Intergalactic Star Cruiser in my Bran Muffin!
  • Waiter! There’s a Hard Rock in my Cafe!
  • Waiter! There’s a Leper in my Ant Colony!
  • Waiter! There’s some fuzzy logic in my dryer’s lint collector!
  • Waiter! Why the hell do you always bring me crappy puns?
  • Waiter! There’s a tree falling in my forest and I can’t tell if it’s making a sound!
  • Waiter! There’s some Plato in my Play-Doh!
  • Waiter! There’s an abominable snowman in my snow cone!
  • Waiter! There’s a Pisces in my Tropic of Capricorn!
  • Waiter! There’s a Matt Farnsworth in my Blog!
  • Waiter! There’re four and twenty blackbirds in my pie chart! (Confused? Understandable.)
  • Waiter! There’s kurtosis in my bimodal-distributed data!
  • Waiter! …Waiter? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGLHALSKFDJSL!!!
  • Waiter! There’s a circular argument in my logic!
  • Waiter! There’s an e in my pi (thus meaning he brought me pie! Sweet!)
  • Waiter! There’s a Super Nova in my ANOVA! How in the world…?
  • Waiter! There’s a god in my universe!
  • Waiter! I JUST WANT SOUP, DAMMIT!
  • Waiter! There’s an Ego in my Eggo!
  • Waiter! There’s a hippocampus in my zoo!
  • Waiter! There’s heteroscedasticity in my samples!
  • Waiter! There’s Godot in my post-modern humorous play!
  • Waiter! There’s an…aw, screw it, can I just get some pasta?

“If a tree falls in a forest…” and other sayings ones

  • If a tree falls in the forest, can we still have sex later?
  • If a tree doesn’t fall in the forest and no one is around, does the universe suddenly implode?
  • If no one falls in the forest and a tree is around to see it, does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPEN?
  • If a tree farts in the forest, do all the other trees fall over?
  • If a sound falls in a tree and no one is around, does it make a forest?
  • If Newton falls in the forest and Leibniz is watching, does he throw a party?
  • What is the sound of one tree falling?
  • If an apple tree falls in the forest, does it still keep the doctor away?
  • If you lead a horse to water and nobody’s around to see it, does it take a drink?
  • What is the sound of one horse being led to water?
  • You can lead a tree to a forest, but you can’t make it fall.

Godot jokes

  • Why doesn’t somebody buy Godot a watch?
  • Silly Godot…Watches are for PUNCTUALITY
  • If Godot falls in the forest and no one is around…
  • If Godot falls in the forest and no one is around, do we have to wait even longer?
  • You can lead Godot and Vladimir and Estragon, but you can’t make him show up
  • Godot jokes will continue until he arrives.
  • Godot Divides by Zero
  • *insert Godot joke here*


“I shouldn’t title blogs when I’m hyper” ones (aka “The Caps Lock Series”)

  • CLAUDIA’S INSANELY HYPER SURVEY OF INSANE HYPERNESS
  • I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSISCO OH SHI—*collapses*
  • How long can these subject headings be, anyway? I mean can you just ramble on and oh here it is
  • Oh-ho-ho! Somebody left the water running! I guess all we can do now is count the sunflowers
  • It’s Tuesday and it’s late and I don’t have a life or plans or a soul or a taco or five tacos
  • HELLO GOOD SIR JUST STOPPING IN TO TELL YOU HOW AWESOME LEIBNIZ IS PIP PIP TALLY HO
  • Sometimes I have the answers. Other times I’m just a toaster.
  • BLOG: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD
  • IT’S NOT THAT HARD, GET IT RIGHT *frustrationfrustrationfrustration*
  • I AM IRON MAN…DERRNERRNERRNERRNERRNERRNERR, IRON PANTS
  • “DURRRR WHAT’S A STAPLE”
  • Blah blah ah-ah-ahhh, blog-ah, blog-ah-ah! MySpace, ooh la-la! Want your bad blog post!
  • If Captain Planet isn’t your hero, you’re a COMMIE
  • CRAIGSLIST YOU ARE MY ONLY COMPANION MAKE HOT SWEET LOVE TO ME YOUR PIC GETS MINE – 22 F

10 more that don’t fit into any other category

  • If you want to eat an apple pie, you must first consume the universe
  • Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
  • Yo blog title, I’mma let you finish, but this entry holds one of the best blogs of all time
  • This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
  • I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot.
  • I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil.
  • Hello, I’m Erik Erikson and I have a silly name
  • Indiana Jones and the 25 Credits of Doom
  • Do philosophy departments have Causal Fridays?
  • I think it was Socrates who said, “Hello! My name is Socrates!”

No, I don’t have a life, thank you for asking.

Blog on why Facebook can suck it will come tomorrow.

Hooray for 4 years of blogging!

 

Today’s song: My Skin by Natalie Merchant

Go Go Gadget BLOG

Here are, again, a bunch of titles I give my school documents. Enjoy. Apparently titles deserve all-caps.

  • “Jesus called, he wants his Hume paper back”
  • “SO-SO-SO-SOCRATES!”
  • “The ExistentialShamWow holds 20 times its own weight in angst”
  • “DIONYSIUS, WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!”
  • “PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF”
  • “College is fun except for this Locke paper”
  • “This SERIOUSLY is the intro…FINAL VERSION!!”
  • “That’s no essay…it’s a space station.”
  • “It’s distressing that I derive so much pleasure from titling my documents in a silly manner”
  • “OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT”
  • “Where’s your gravity NOW, Newton?!”
  • “OH GOD THE PAIN OF EPISTEMOLOGY”
  • “My Vaio hates me”
  • “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
  • “Locke your doors!”
  • “SYMBOLIC LOGIC OH GOD NO”
  • “Pantsssssssss”
  • “SHAZAAM! QUINE!”
  • “Pseudo-intellectual ramblings regarding philosophy and other crap that’s important”
  • “IGNORE THIS IT’S POINTLESS”
  • “Nietzsche can suck it, I’ve got pasta”

OMG 2 YEARS

Holy crap, people, I’ve been blogging for two years straight now!

Back on May 1st, 2006, I started blogging. Who knew it would turn into this? As per usual, I shall present you with my top titles, broken down into a couple of sections. I’d give you the best blogs, but that hasn’t changed much (yesterday’s was pretty good, though). Plus, it’s dead week and I want to shoot myself, so this is what you get.
Onward!
The “I pick some random dude(s) and ascribe to them some sort of personality quality in my blog title” titles
Orson Welles, put your pants back on!
Parmenides, is it really necessary to philosophize sans pants?
No, Mark Twain, I don’t want to see your “Huckleberry Finn,” now put your pants back on!
Mr. Gorbachev, first put your pants back on, then we’ll talk about the wall, okay?
Ronal Reagan was a mean child, always destroying the walls of his playmates’ Lego creations
John Adams, I do not feel you have the necessary capabilities to bring sexy back
Machiavelli! No more bran muffins for you, young man!
Spinoza! Descartes! Am I going to have to separate you two?
Henry David Thoreau, get out of my pool!
Blog 660: Leibniz, Leibniz, Leibniz! (Get out of my pool!)
Stupid puns, jokes, or plays on words
This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
This is one of Claudia’s blog titles if and only if it contains a bad joke about biconditionals
If Genghis Khan, You Can, Too! (Too Bad Immanuel Kant)
That’s the one good thing about standard deviates—they’re never mean
I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot
I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil
Hyperbole is the best thing EVER!!
I tried flying by the seat of my pants, but I couldn’t get them certified by the FAA
Silly Rabbit…Trix are for Magicians
A Dutch man once touched an electrically-charged French Petri dish. It was a culture shock.

 

The “If a tree falls in the forest…” series (I thought I had more of these)
If a tree falls in the forest, can we still have sex later?
If a tree farts in the forest, do all the other trees fall over?
If a tree doesn’t fall in the forest and somebody is around, does the universe suddenly implode?
If a summer falls in the winter, does it spring back?
If a sound falls in a tree and no one is around, does it make a forest?
The “Waiter! There’s a…” series
Waiter! There’s a Pythagorean Theorem in my Pi!
Waiter! There’s a Hippo in my Taco Grande!
Waiter! There’s a Freudian in my Id!
Waiter! There’s a Quadriplegic in my Jazzercise Class!
Waiter! There’s Voltaire in my English Book! (what’re the odds of that?!)
Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!
Waiter! There’s some Plato in my Play-Doh!
Waiter! There’s a Super Nova in my ANOVA! How in the world…?
Waiter! There’s an Intergalactic Star Cruiser in my Bran Muffin!
Waiter! There’s a Pisces in my Tropic of Capricorn!
Waiter! Why in the hell do you always bring me crappy puns?
Waiter! There’s a Matt Farnsworth in my Blog!
Waiter! There’s an e in my pi (thus meaning he brought me pie! Sweet!)
Waiter! There’s an Ethiopia on Djibouti!
Waiter! There’s kurtosis in my bimodal-distributed data!
Waiter! …Waiter? AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHDLFHGSLHDSL!!!
Waiter! There’s four and twenty blackbirds in my pie chart! (Confused? Understandable.)
Waiter! There’s a tree falling in my forest and I can’t tell if it’s making a sound!
Waiter! There’s some fuzzy logic in my dryer’s lint collector!
Waiter! There’s an…aw, screw it, can I just get some pasta?
Ones that I just like
Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
Choco Leibniz: The Best of All Possible Cookies
The day that Camus backed into a sumac was the day the palindrome was born!
I think it was Socrates who said, “Hello! My name is Socrates!”
At first I was just friendly to the environment. But now we’re dating!
Sometimes I have the answers. Other times I’m just a toaster.
Where do the quadriplegics stand?
Get confident, stupid!
E = MC Hammer
Drugs: the anti…oh wait.
Hope to entertain you people for another year or two. Or forty.

Further proof that I should not be left alone

You know what I’ve realized? I give really interesting names to my Microsoft Word documents. Observe:

~PAPER LOL!—my research proposal.
~The Helvetica Report—the rough draft of my third philosophy paper.
~GEOGRAPHY NOTES LOL!!!!!!1—geography notes.
~WA 3, bitch!—third writing assignment for psychology.
~OH MY GOD IT’S GOD—philosophy paper on Aristotle’s god.
~CITATIONS OMFG—citations for psychology research paper.
~More research! QUADRUPLE SEX!—there’s absolutely nothing in this document.
~Love—another empty document (suggestive of something?).
~Yogi bear, bitch!—what I renamed the sample for my Tests and Measurements Excel file.
~This document will self destruct when it wants to, dammit!—philosophy paper 1.
~Jesus called, he wants his essay back—social psych extra credit essay.
~IT’S A TRAP!—obscure Star Wars reference I gave to my notes for my research paper.
~XXX PORN—geography final paper.

What does all this mean? Someone tell me, I’m disturbed.

 

Haha, I like titling things in caps.

Top 20 blog titles

Well, it being a year since I started blogging, I decided that today and tomorrow (at least) would be dedicated to reminiscing over the insanity. Today, I shall present you with the top 20 blog titles. Tomorrow shall be the top 20 blogs.

Yes, I’ve done this before, but that was nearly 5 months ago and the lists were only 10 items long then. Things must expand with time!

Top 20 blog titles:
1.      Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
2.      I think it was Socrates who said, “Hello! My name is Socrates!”
3.      Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Hobos
4.      Put that in your hickory-smoked sausage and exploit it!
5.      This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
6.      If a tree falls in the forest, can we still have sex later?
7.      Mother Teresa called…she HATES you!
8.      Maxed out! No limits! Reaching for the horizon! Putting silly putty on the radiator!
9.      The masses never triumph! It is all an illusion, like those stupid “magic eye” things!
10.  Time travel? Travel time! Speak coherently, Yoda does.
11.  Claudia can’t think of a good blog: the blog
12.  How long can these subject headings be, anyway? I mean can you just ramble on and on and oh here it is
13.  Aaaargh! Real lobsters!
14.  When judgment day arrives, Atheists won’t have a prayer!
15.  U of I: the FEMA of universities
16.  I heart Descartes
17.  Memory is like the sun: if it disappears, it’ll take you approximately eight minutes to notice.
18.  Do me like a crossword puzzle!
19.  Why limit friendship by naming a SQUARE after it? Why is there no friendship CUBE, huh?
20.  E=MC Hammer

The “Waiter” series
1.      Waiter! There’s a hippo in my taco grande!
2.      Waiter! There’s a Freudian in my Id!
3.      Waiter! There’s a Creationist in my Primordial Soup!
4.      Waiter! There’s a(n) [insert item/person] in my [insert thing that makes it sound witty]
5.      Waiter! There’s some Voltaire in my English book! (what’re the odds of that?!)
6.      Waiter! There’s a quadriplegic in my Jazzercise class!
7.      Cephalopod! There’s a soup in my waiter!
8.    Waiter! There’s an…aw, screw it, can I just get some pasta?

Statistics-induced strangeness

Haha! So I decided to make a histogram of my 15 most commonly used moods here on MySpace. Some of them, as you can see, are grouped together (mainly because, in my opinion, there aren’t any big differences between “anxious” and “stressed” or “good” and “okay”). The unit on the y-axis is “times used” and the unit on the x-axis is “mood.” Forgot to put those in there…

Oh, and a title! Um…

“It’s A Rainbow, Bitch!”

Not too surprising. Pretty random.
Isn’t it sad I flippin’ made a graph?
I think so.