Tag Archives: pasta

In This Blog: Claudia Ranks Pasta Shapes

Why? Because I produce nothing but quality blog content, that’s why.

Disclaimer: there are like 600 different pasta shapes, so I’m going to limit this to pasta shapes that I am relatively familiar with and/or have seen in the wild to avoid this blog dragging on for ever and ever only to contain obscure pastas that no one’s ever heard of. Like, “bigoli” sounds like a fake Italian word that someone came up with when pretending to be Italian and is thus hilarious, but I’ve never seen it on a shelf, so it’s not gonna be on this list.

Anyway. Ready?

[Edit: this list is a lot shorter than I thought it’d be, haha. I GUESS I AM NOT THE PASTA CONNOISSEUR I THOUGHT I WAS MY LIFE IS A LIE]

Pappardelle
Confession: I have never actually had pappardelle noodles, but this is the tastiest looking pasta in the universe.
Seriously, look at it.

08-23-2018
(from here)

I NEEEEEED!

Penne
Penne is my bro, but only if it’s got the ridges. The smooth ones look like weird sharp penises and that’s not super appetizing.

Spaghetti
The good old standard. But I’m super picky about what spaghetti is the best. Some brands make it too thin, and I don’t like thin pasta. Winco’s brand is actually the best.

Ravioli
I used to make ravioli (“make” as in boil pre-made stuff I got at the store) at like 1 AM after I got back from work when I worked the closing shift at Wendy’s. It had like twenty cheeses in it. Fantastic.

Rotini
How to make the Food of the Gods™:

  1. Cook rotini until it’s almost mush (al dante pasta can go suck it)
  2. Cover cooked rotini with copious amounts of shredded Colby Jack cheese
  3. Nom
  4. Ascend

Linguine
Not quite as good as spaghetti, but a nice flat, not-too-skinny pasta that will sub for spaghetti if necessary.

Conchiglie
Little shells! Super cute. I actually don’t think I’ve had this type of pasta since I was a kid, but I remember really liking the texture of it. I liked cupping the shell around the tip of my tongue.

Conchiglioni
GIANT SHELLS! Never had them, but they look cool.

Fettuccine
Fettuccine works if you’ve got the right set of “other” ingredients, but I don’t know if it would always work. If that makes sense.

Lasagna
This is low on the list because who in the hell eats lasagna noodles outside of actual lasagna? I feel like they’d be super weird. …Now I want to try it.

Tortellini
Another pasta that I’m pretty sure I’ve never had. They look like ravioli with a little too much pasta bit and not enough filling. They also look hard, and pasta should be mush.

Rigatoni
Fat tubes? Yay! Can hold much cheese.

Farfalle
Li’l bow ties! Cute, but I’ve never had them. I suspect a weird texture.

Rotelle
Li’l wheels! See above.

Alfabeto
The fact that alphabet pasta has an “Italianized” name is freaking adorable. I like it.

Capellini
Too skinny. Weird texture. 0/10 would not nom again.

Gnocchi
Kinda like tortellini, I’ve never had gnocchi. They look hard. And isn’t gnocchi usually made from potato? IMPOSTER PASTA! IMPASTA!

Orzo
Is it rice? Are they larvae? Is it a mix of the two? Risotto’s evil twin.

 

…This was an exercise in “how can I waste my time this evening?”

THE BROCCOLI KING

So I just realized that I’ve been having the same thing for dinner for approximately 10 years (there’s been a little variety in there, but not much) and have never shared it with you.

So here it is!

04-04-2018

What’s in it?

  • Penne pasta
  • Broccoli
  • Feta cheese
  • A little olive oil
  • More black pepper than a human being should have in a week

Super simple and super tasty. I found the recipe in Vancouver on one of those rubber bands that holds bunches of broccoli together and have been making it ever since.

YAY SORRY I AM BORING

Dear candy companies who feel the need to release peanut butter versions of their products:

KEEP IT UP.

Seriously. Peanut butter Twix cause little gustatory orgasms.

Anyway.

Am I the only one having trouble accessing the NaNoWriMo site? Every time I go to update my word count I get the “page cannot be displayed fart fart fart” message. So I think I’m still at like 420 words or something, haha. Prepare for my little graph to shoot skywards once I can actually log on.

Unrelated: I freaking love this!

Also, my stuff was “guaranteed” to come yesterday but it STILL ISN’T HERE…kinda freaking out, but whatev. I miss my books. And Giant Compy.

Vroom!

“…on paper?”

Haha, it’s time to mess with people! Here are snippits from several MSN messenger conversations I’ve had with some of my friends (mainly Aneel and E’raina) over the past year. They’re hilarious.

#1: in which we discuss a certain teacher and her husband:
E’raina: haha, her hubby came to the rink today and had a conversation with my boobs
Claudia: HAHA!
Aneel: yuck
E’raina: i almost cried
Claudia: I bet he’d like some firm ones for once
Claudia: :D
E’raina: haha
Aneel: ewe
E’raina: damn girl!
Claudia: Not that I look or anything…
E’raina: its hard to miss that
Aneel: haha yeah…
E’raina: its one of those “do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”
E’raina: but with boobs

#2: in which we discuss the end of the year BBQ:
E’raina: too bad we don’t have friends with hot tubs
E’raina: or slip n slides
E’raina: or crack
Claudia: I have strippers hidden under my bed!
E’raina: I vote for Claudia’s house

E’raina: Hey C, do you ever have a day where you just want to whip Aneel with a piece of licorice?

#3: in which we discuss Aneel’s hotness:
Claudia: Don’t you think Aneel’s hot?
Claudia: I do
Aneel: o yeah it’s not a secret…lol
E’raina: damn right it isn’t
Aneel: I’m not the best kept secret

#4: in which I promote my website:
Claudia: www.geocities.com/antarctica_freak
Claudia: It is great
Claudia: Brilliant
Aneel: lol well you made it
Claudia: Therefore it is great
Claudia: Brilliant

Claudia: HAHA! I just opened my phone and got an eyeful of Alan crotch!

#5: in which we discuss (argue about) pasta for prom:
Claudia: I’ll bring pasta
Claudia: CLEAN pasta, Aneel
Aneel: why would it be dirty?
E’raina: teehee
Claudia: You were saying it was messy
Aneel: yeah pasta is
Claudia: Not all the time
E’raina: it can be
Claudia: But not all the time
Aneel: exactly
Aneel: but it can
Claudia: BUT NOT ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!!!
Claudia: Gang up on me, why don’t ya?
E’raina: i love pasta
E’raina: i’m all about the pasta
Aneel: lol it’s ok I like it to sometimes
E’raina: I love it!
Claudia: …so pasta?

#6: in which Aneel and I discuss what we’re doing at the moment:
Claudia: Did you just say something?
Claudia: …Sharma?
Aneel: yeah whats up>?
Claudia: Government final :(
Claudia: You?
Aneel: I’m decorating my glasses case
Claudia: To make it more manly?

Claudia: Does he really count as a boy?
Claudia: He’s an…Aneel

Aneel (talking about his government final): do you think Hall would care if I did the whole research paper in landscape format?

#7: in which Aneel and I discuss the final government question:
Aneel: what creative thing did you do for a bill becoming a law?
Claudia: I just did a flowchart
Claudia: You haven’t done that yet?
Aneel: nope
Aneel: flowchart?
Aneel: how do you make one of those?
Claudia: Yeah
Claudia: Just draw it
Aneel (like 5 minutes later): on paper?