Considering I am technically working towards my master’s in statistics (long story, ask if you’re interested), I figure I can make jokes about them. So onward we go!

Mine
You know you’re a statistics major when:
…you receive an A on an exam and, instead of being happy about it, you worry about your next exam and the possibility of regressing towards the mean.
…you know a confidence interval has nothing to do with self-esteem.
…Santa says, “null hypothesis, null hypothesis, null hypothesis!” (this one’s rather esoteric…the notation of a null hypothesis is “Ho,” thus, “ho, ho, ho!”).

Stats major: You’re just so average!
Friend: That’s mean!
Stats major: Exactly!

There’s one good thing about standard deviates–they’re never mean.

I’m sure at least one person out randomly surfing blogs appreciates my nerdy humor. If not, I’ll just keep telling myself that.

Others I found:
Arguing with a statistician is a lot like wrestling with a pig. After a few hours, you begin to realize that the pig likes it.

My pain and confusion covary,
At levels both looming and scary.
To pass this exam
I’ll be needing some scam
Oh, statistics! I should have been wary. (This is the best limerick I’ve ever, ever heard.)

Top three reasons to become a statistician:

1. Estimating parameters is easier than dealing with real life.

2. No one knows what they do, so they’re always right.

3. The regression line looks better than the unemployment line
This has nothing to do really with statistics, but I thought it was funny anyway:

The secretary of defense gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying, “yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

“Oh no!” the president exclaimed. “That’s terrible!” His staff was rather stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sad, his head in his hands.

Finally, the president looked up and asked, “just how many is a brazillion?”

Neither does this one, but I’m fascinated by Mobius bands, so it’s legit.

A mathematician confided
That the Mobius band is one-sided
And you’ll get quite a laugh
If you cut one in half
‘Cause it stays in one piece when divided.

And this, for some strange reason, had me laughing for like fifteen minutes.

“Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge.”
“What’s come over you?”
“Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.”

Okay, I’ll stop now.

Found this on the internet this morning. Hilarious.

You Know Your Friend is a Psychology Major If…
…they identify themselves by their Myers-Briggs type.
…you and the rest of their friends are fair game if they have any experiments or surveys going on (and they always do).
…they use the word “kurtosis”—enough so that you think they have some sort of disease.
…they send you all their emails in APA format.
…their doodles on their homework consist of bell curves and letters of the Greek alphabet.
…they cite journal articles in their everyday conversations.
…they slip every once and awhile and call their friends their “subjects.”
…they reference the DSM-IV daily.
…they go on for hours on end on how your behavior at the party last night fits in perfectly with your current position in Erickson’s psychosocial stages of development and how your subsequent hangover after a few too many beers indicates the implications of subliminal psychological messages found in beer commercials while tying the whole thing in with a dream you described to them a week ago and all the while you have no idea what the hell they’re talking about.
…you know that they are the last person you should go to for advice about your mental health.

So true, man. So true.

Also, I bought this carrot juice at Safeway today that has 990% of one’s daily Vitamin A allotment per serving. I laughed.