p-values have nothing to do with the worth of your urine
There wasn’t much of interest today in my actual life, so I bring you…THE INTERNET!
There’s something exceedingly intriguing about this, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what. The comments are pretty great as well. This also seems to last for a lot longer than 1:50.
Another wonderful quote from bash.org.
BigPigPeaches: So my GF and I are watching “The Empire Strikes Back” last night. Let me say that this is possibly my favorite movie of all time.
BigPigPeaches: But suddenly I consider: we have always thought of R2D2 as a light-hearted comic relief type of droid. With his tweets, chirps, raspberries, and whoops, how could he be anything other than cute?
BigPigPeaches: But what if people were misunderstanding what he is actually saying? What if he could be accurately translated? And what if he were saying things that weren’t cute at all?
BigPigPeaches: (The scene where Luke and R2D2 are leaving Hoth in Luke’s x-wing)
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Hey, assclamp, where the hell are you hauling me?
BigPigPeaches: Luke: There’s nothing wrong, Artoo, I’m just setting a new course.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Oh, goodie. Are we going to see your dad? Cause you know he’s Darth Vader, right? I mean, you know that, otherwise you’re even more of a dumbass than I thought.
BigPigPeaches: Luke: We’re not going to regroup with the others.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: That’s probably because they know what they’re doing, and you don’t.
BigPigPeaches: Luke: We’re going to the Dagobah system.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: The Bagadouche system? What an appropriate destination for a douchebag such as yourself. Are you sure you don’t want me to fly? Cause I’ll bet you’re going to crash us into some godforsaken swampy bog, you mindless pube.
BigPigPeaches: (Later on in Cloud City, during the escape scene)
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Artoo! Where have you been?
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Listen, you bronzed dildo, I’ve been dicking around in a frigging swamp for the better part of two weeks while some wannabe wizard has been taking advice from an ancient lizard. I got slime in my droid genitals, a bad yeast infection, and I’m not in the mood for your prissy shit, so put a metal cork in it, buttnozzle.
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Well at least you’re still in one piece, look what happened to me!
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Yeah yeah yeah, you got blasted to shit, they should have left your ass in that scrap heap. You have contributed absolutely nothing useful to this point. By the way, how is it that you’re even more of a whiny bitch than you were in the first three movies? I thought they wiped your frigging memory.
BigPigPeaches: Do they have some sort of universal “BitchBot” app that they keep putting in your lame ass? Bitch.
BigPigPeaches: (while trying to unlock the landing platform door)
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Artoo, you can tell the computer to override the security system!
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Oh, thanks for reminding me, you pretentious fuckstick. Do you know what else I can do? I can FRIGGING FLY! George Lucas said so! But that didn’t stop me from falling into an effing swamp on that Bagadouche planet. By the way, did you know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father? Cause I DO!
BigPigPeaches: Oh, look, I got fried by a goddamn computer terminal. Thanks, dickweed.
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Don’t blame me. I’m an interpreter. I’m not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: You’re supposed to know your droid ass from a hole in the ground, but you don’t. Jesus, I should have left your sorry ass on that ship, you sphincter. Just wait till I get to use my little welding thingy on your droid scrote. I hate you and all these miserable bastards. Where’s my Oscar?
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello Omegle stranger
You: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEGLE!!!
You: zoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoom
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am Gordon Freeman, fear my crowbar!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you justin bieber?
You: Do you want me to be?
Your conversational partner has disconnected
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you a furry?
You: Do you want me to be?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Today’s song: Nara by E. S. Posthumus
More IRC! More IRC!!!!
These are fun.
TECC: |:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|
TECC: oops, soz. wrong window.
Fuhrur: why in the fuck would you type that to anyone?
Kaltorak: every 7 out of 6 days is a bad day for my typing skils.
Kaltorak: oh my god.
limi: does anybody know where the Table of Contents generator is, to save me of the embarrasment of talking to a virtual paper clip?
jsCLASS: lets talk about my johnson
Mercster: small talk, eh?
jsCLASS: fuck
jsCLASS: owned
Merlin: Good news, in case you were worried that Rodney King was done entertaining us, he got drunk and plowed his SUV into a house at 100 mph
sComps: christ.. dead?
Merlin: yes, Christ is dead, but thats 2,000 year old news. King just has a broken pelvis
nyetwerk: why is it that they always make the stupidest person on a project team be the leader?
DocRadium: what are you in charge of now?
(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.
LuciferOmega: STEPHEN HAWKING’S PRO WHEELCHAIR 2!
punchcard_w0rk: i think i will form a computer addiction recovery group.
punchcard_w0rk: call it “users no longer enslaved to electronic technology”
punchcard_w0rk: or UnLeet
Kupo: man
Kupo: Firefox can fuck itself
DarknessTear: It can? So THAT’s what the Firefox logo is doing.
hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes “see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?”
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P
magothy: is there an irish expression for hangover?
tReMeR: morning
rock: hey
Capn_Panic: hey
Shockster: hey
Capn_Panic: it’s fat albert!
tumnus: i just set my clock the easiest way ever
tumnus: i waited until it was midnight then i plugged it in and left it
Xetrov`: im gonna go try out this “physical activity” shit i keep hearing about
mh_: str8 up mf i was afkin 4 a sec & that mutha goes all stfu on me
mh_: wtf? 4 nothin at all
* harm consults Oxford’s Non-Abridged Gangsta Abbreviations Explicator
mh_: gtof
* harm consults harder
Robohunk: A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, “I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm.”
Robohunk: The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words “Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!” over and over.
* Nastard is now known as fuck
damn: what kind of nick is that?
fuck: if i know
Silvercrush: I craved a little man in woodshop today
Silvercrush: omg… carved :(
DocGonzo: i need to shoot myself in the face… i accidentally typed “the” instead of “teh”, so i backspaced and fixed it
aspuffnstuff: The third one looks like something they used in Star Wards
aspuffnstuff: *Wars
alykat: lol “star wards”
alykat: an epic about a hospital set in space
alykat: “use the forceps, luke”
volcanogirl: come.. to the bed pan. the bed pan!
aspuffnstuff: OBGYN kenobi!
Vod: that sentence is even more screwed up than even mine usual are
(Mutiny) Atarax: you ate a americum disk from a smoke detector?
(Atarax) Mutiny: yeah
(Mutiny) Atarax: why?
(Atarax) Mutiny: I thought it would give me special powers.
(Mutiny) Atarax: what did it do to you?
(Atarax) Mutiny: well, it didn’t give me any special powers, but it didn’t kill me either
(Atarax) Darwin must be spinning in his grave
(Atarax) “why is that fuck still alive”
Et tu, MySpace?
I’m sorry. I love these.
yalborap: So there’re these ‘don’t start forest fires’ commercials telling me to get my smokey on. And all I can think is “If an anthromorphic bear in a pair of jeans and one of those ranger hats comes up and tells me not to set stuff on fire, I probably already did”.
XenThra: I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I’m terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
DevXen: Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wind-X: and penis butter and jelly make a good sandwich
Bobby20: I had this really weird dream once that I dropped my penis in the shower and I couldn’t get it to go back on
`BuM: why is it that, no matter how much you pee into the toilet it never fills up?
!Lun_e: ill just sit here and eat my Kice Rispy Paralellogram.
concubine: NO CAPSLOCK! I AM UKRAINE
smcn: one of these days
smcn: i’m going to hunt down and kill whoever invented emoticons
smcn: then i’m going to look at him and go :=D
polaris: haha… mozilla rocks… I accidently clicked on horse pron on stileproject and it crashed before displaying it
Kacey: if I wsa president, I would change the “In God We Trust” to “In Goats We Thrust”
(DigDug) i’m really glad that my penis doesn’t have an odometer
Mass: hey does anyone know what the song name is by Frankie Lymon that goes Uhhh uhh uh uh uhahhhhh uhh uhh uh
orion`-`-: what the fuck
orion`-`-: i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
orion`-`-: brbrb
hypr: MY MOM WONT LET M,E WEAR HEADPHONES CAUSE SHE THINKS THEY WILL GIVE ME CANCER OR A BRAIN TUMOR
hypr: she like sneaks up behind me and takes them off and says she will break them if she sees em on me again
hypr: :(
[cut]: schwtzngr: IT’S NOT A TUMOR! (this is super funny if you’ve seen the Arnold clip).
Inoshiro: Wth
Inoshiro: “Don’t iron, don’t put in a triangle, don’t put in an oval”
harb: Er?
Inoshiro: Is there a translation table for the washing tag on clothing?
DigiGnome: Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
DigiGnome: I need my socks.
goltrpoat: ‘britney spears’ is an anagram for ‘presbyterians.’
Sharkey: The rain in spain falls mainly on the spaniards.
]km[cugar: i tried to make hammer pants out of garbage bags
gaspumpXP: Man… what kind of RPG is this? It won’t let me rape the sheep…
Boredom, Blogging, and IRC
These rock.
PhoenixTalion: Apparently some museum did a Salvador Dali exhibit a while back
PhoenixTalion: and after it was up for like, a month, it came out that half of the paintings were fakes!
BSoDomy: oh snap
PhoenixTalion: And at first I was all, damn. Shouldn’t someone have caught on to that right away?
PhoenixTalion: Then I realized, it wasn’t that big a surprise
PhoenixTalion: After all,
PhoenixTalion: NO ONE INSPECTS THE SPANISH EXPOSITION
vrek: I hate dealing with freaking girls, seriously I want to just kill everything with a god damn vagina!!!
yy2bggggs: vrek: A gun would work better
Royall: “We have been trying to eliminate the penny for quite some time — it always comes back,” Obama said. “I need to find out who is lobbying to keep the penny.”
theonetruemango: but I thought Obama loved change
embrodak: ewww, not in pubic
embrodak: *pubic
embrodak: *pubic
embrodak: FUCK
deadfool: if my kids first words were hello world that would rock
squinky: gads, I hate when foreshadowing is too thinly veiled
Screwtape: squinky: But not as much as you will about ten minutes from now.
* xkcd takes [Bucket] down for now until he can make some adjustments
%relsqui: I thought he was looking a little pail
@creature: I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
@creature: How could anyone stoop so low?
vejadu: there is no plural of emo, they’re always lonely
phobiac: My age is a perfect square greater than 9 and less than 25.
Mantissa: mine’s the first even product of two primes greater than 20
Ollie: my age is the greatest prime less than 29
GreaterSteven: My age is the sum of two numbers that when added equal 18.
Mantissa: GreaterSteven: well played.
khmer_at_work: woke up this mornin
khmer_at_work: won’t believe what i saw
khmer_at_work: hundred million emails
khmer_at_work: phone yanked off the waaaaaa-all
khmer_at_work: seems the system crashed over the night
khmer_at_work: hundred million client calls
khmer_at_work: spoiling for a fiiii-iiiight
khmer_at_work: i’ll file a bug report to IT
khmer_at_work: i’ll file a bug report to IT
khmer_at_work: i hope that someone gets my
khmer_at_work: i hope that someone gets my
khmer_at_work: i hope that someone gets my
khmer_at_work: TWENTIETH SUPPOOOORT CALL
khmer_at_work: SEN-DIN-OUT-A-BUG-RE-PORT
khmer_at_work: SEN-DIN-OUT-A-BUG-RE-PORT
khmer_at_work: I’M SEN-DIN-OUT-A-BUG-RE-PORT (this had me laughing for like half an hour straight. I had to put on the song in the background)
Cctoide: Your penis is so small, they’re modeling a new iPod after it.
Carthage: WTF?! I just got RickRolled by StumbleUpon.
Bucket: [You hear the distant howl of a coyote losing at Counterstrike.]
HPDDJ: C====D
HPDDJ: Rather
HPDDJ: C====B or something similar.
HPDDJ: Ascii penis!
* HPDDJ runs away
Sparkles: 8==D
Sparkles: you ‘tard.
HPDDJ: It’s been a while, but I don’t remember an 8.
Sparkles: IT NEEDS TESTICLES!
HPDDJ: That’s the B!
Sparkles: THAT’S THE 8
HPDDJ: ASCII TESTICLE WAR
Aesuna: oh shi-
Aesuna: 8=====8
Sparkles: 8888888
HPDDJ: BBBBBBBBBBBBB
Sparkles: BALLS ARE TOUCHING!
Sparkles: THIS IS GAY!
HPDDJ: INDEED!
* water has joined #xkcd
* Potassium has joined #xkcd
doc_holladay: Religious zealots always win. They have those crackers which are actually flesh.
Fritz: soylent christ
* Seiun throws a pokeball at relsqui
* relsqui catches it, swallows it
%relsqui: ^there is no possible good result of that
&ProphetOfCod: :o
* Seiun caught INTESTINALBACTERIA. Do you wish to give a nickname to INTESTINALBACTERIA? Y/N
%relsqui: hahaha
%Seiun: /N
%Seiun: *INTESTINALBACTERIA was sent to SOMEONE’S PC.
%Seiun: (Thank god, I wouldn’t want to try to recover that pokeball)
JaggerG: 21st Century insurance should change its name to Schroedinger’s insurance, because I have no fucking clue if I’m insured.
@Lhyzz: so, if you’re so smart, what was your major? and tractor operation doesn’t count as a major.
Eule: Lhyzz: Hey, what’s wrong with tractors?! Many tractor operators are out standing in their field
BlackSails: Question: If an interview asks for one of my weaknesses, is “bullets” an acceptable answer?
*** Jesus has left #xkcd.
Kumquat: He’ll be back in 3 days
Lisimba: And sometimes I sneeze all fucking day because the plants outside are having a bukakke spring orgy.
maLLee: HAHAHA A foreign guy is trying to chat with me about his midterms
maLLee: And he keeps calling them testes
maLLee: And I’m immature enough to be laughing my ass off over here
maLLee: ‘I just wish I didn’t have so many testes’
A Latin Square is not a type of dance
Haha, I really like this website. Some of these are hilarious. Observe:
pigeon-mirk: davey made that avatar for me, i am eternally in his bed
pigeon-mirk: debt
pigeon-mirk: DEBT!
+kritical: christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
+Christin1: how do i do that
@codstar: rice crispies and hangovers don’t go together
@codstar: first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu
BoZmAn20: Goddamnit, my ex girlfriend has such horrible taste in men
BoZmAn20: wait
BoZmAn20: Shit.
Dogan: GUYS, STORY TIME
Dogan: SO my teacher’s friend’s friend or something
Dogan: She was dogsitting one day
Dogan: Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
Nightryde: how embarrassing
Dogan: SO she’s gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
Dogan: She can’t find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
Dogan: She didn’t have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
Zeelot: oh mannnn
Dogan: This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
Dogan: “this is pretty heavy, what’s in it?”
Dogan: lady replies “just some computer things”
Dogan: the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
joebot: ROFLMAO ROFLROFLROFL!!!
Zeelot: OMG ROOOOOOOOOFL
Nightryde: AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???
spacecat: i dont rly like virgin airlines
spacecat: i mean whats the point in going on a plane that doesnt go all the fucking way
ZondrZout: Dammit, something is coming out of my ass!
ZondrZout: brb
LeoDV: Don’t fight for fuel, stroke your tool!
KANG: that’s the worst slogan anyone has ever had
LeoDV: Touch your sack, not Iraq!
KANG: I stand corrected.
LeoDV: War is heinous, thumb your anus!
LeoDV: http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/ This is where heroes go when they die
KANG: I hate you more than anything
@khmer: you guys heard of cole’s law?
DaDemon: lettuce and cabbage with mayo?
* @khmer sighs deeply
Potassium: diet cock tastes horrible
Potassium: uh
Potassium: o.O
Potassium: coke
Poiesis: ladies and gentlemen, Sigmund Freud!
Kasyx_: has anyone ever noticed how the moment Randall isn’t idle any more, everyone attempts to seem more intelligent?
Sarevok: UNLIMITED DICKS
Kasyx_: well that backfired
ftr: When I was 13, I was so nervous and horny that if you just looked at me funny I would ejaculate the word ‘Sorry’
cujo: My penis is burning
XanT: Thats ALGEBRA.
jeebus: the “bishop” came to our church today
jeebus: he was a fucken impostor
jeebus: never once moved diagonally
studdud: what the fuck is wtf
Also: happy birthday to Sean!
Eigenblogger 