I Love Uncyclopedia
Uncyclopedia is great. Spent the night browsing it, feel substantially better than I did this afternoon.
From the “glossary of mathematical terms” section:
Absolute Value: The price of a bottle of vodka.
Cartesian Coordinates: Coordinates that one thinks are correct, therefore they must be…
Decagon: The cards are missing.
Euler’s Formula: The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Infinity: A big fuckin’ number
From the “statistics” page:
“In the meantime, you should have a look at some FUCKIN POLLS (1/5) “
“Type I Error: Getting statistically significant results.
Type II Error: Getting statistically significant results, lying about the results, and getting caught.
Type III Error: Getting statistically significant results and forgetting to write them down.
Type IV Error: Getting a type I, II, or III error and not realizing it.
Type V Error: You have no fucking idea what you’re doing, do you?”
Newton’s page is practically all about apples. It’s freaking hilarious.
“Four years later, Newton presented his thesis, On The Scrumptiousness Of Apples, to the university. Due to the prevailing low standards in science at the time, it was accepted and Newton graduated.”
“Newton was distraught and flew immediately into a violent rage. He ran into the local market and turned over a cartload of apples shouting, ‘run my pretties, I have freed you!’ This is believed to be the origin of the popular saying ‘upsetting the apple cart’ as well as the less well known phrase ‘don’t go mad and start humping apples like Newton did.’”
And Hume:
“Showing his potential from an early age, he had disproved the existence of God, society, and Asia while still a mere toddler, and the existence of over 30% of all known objects by his eighth birthday. Aristotle had not even learnt to tie his shoe-laces until he was nine.”
I still think Vancouver’s page is the most hilarious thing ever, but Surrey’s article is like 100% accurate. “The city’s current motto is ‘for the love of God, stay the fuck out!’
Today’s song: Ellens Gesang III, D. 839 [Ave Maria] by Barbara Bonney & Geoffrey Parsons
Miscellaneous Crap from Across the Internet
God, I love Fallout.
This is the fun you can have with the Sims. It’s fantastic. “What is it with these people constantly trying to molest John McCain?”
This is a triumph. Since I’ll be back in Moscow at the end of finals/for a few days after, I suggest we have a post-semester party in my basement and make these.
And pictures:
Woo!
Today’s song: Perfect Day by Susan Boyle
Internet rapture
Hahahaha, oh Jesus:
Rock Band + Internet meme = greatest merge ever? I think so. This is another one of those “I don’t know why the hilarity factor is so high, but it is” videos.
1:27 and 1:40, oh my god.
Today’s song: Handle Me by Robyn
Waiter! There’s a Derivative in my Integral Pie!
Damn, I love the internet.
The link to the original video’s at the start of this one.
I would seriously love studying how these things go viral. Statistical analyses + internet = awesome.
Sorry, slow day.
Today’s song: Pull Shapes by the Pipettes
Blog 1,499: MySpace Hates My Blogs
So I totally forgot that I got a free webspace with my ISP up here, so I spent all night trying to figure out what to put on it. This is all I’ve got so far.
My intro to R guide’s on the “Statistics Stuff” page, if anyone who ever reads this is interested (doubtful).
Hm. I’d write more but my mind is elsewhere.
Today’s song: Apologize by OneRepublic
p-values have nothing to do with the worth of your urine
There wasn’t much of interest today in my actual life, so I bring you…THE INTERNET!
There’s something exceedingly intriguing about this, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what. The comments are pretty great as well. This also seems to last for a lot longer than 1:50.
Another wonderful quote from bash.org.
BigPigPeaches: So my GF and I are watching “The Empire Strikes Back” last night. Let me say that this is possibly my favorite movie of all time.
BigPigPeaches: But suddenly I consider: we have always thought of R2D2 as a light-hearted comic relief type of droid. With his tweets, chirps, raspberries, and whoops, how could he be anything other than cute?
BigPigPeaches: But what if people were misunderstanding what he is actually saying? What if he could be accurately translated? And what if he were saying things that weren’t cute at all?
BigPigPeaches: (The scene where Luke and R2D2 are leaving Hoth in Luke’s x-wing)
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Hey, assclamp, where the hell are you hauling me?
BigPigPeaches: Luke: There’s nothing wrong, Artoo, I’m just setting a new course.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Oh, goodie. Are we going to see your dad? Cause you know he’s Darth Vader, right? I mean, you know that, otherwise you’re even more of a dumbass than I thought.
BigPigPeaches: Luke: We’re not going to regroup with the others.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: That’s probably because they know what they’re doing, and you don’t.
BigPigPeaches: Luke: We’re going to the Dagobah system.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: The Bagadouche system? What an appropriate destination for a douchebag such as yourself. Are you sure you don’t want me to fly? Cause I’ll bet you’re going to crash us into some godforsaken swampy bog, you mindless pube.
BigPigPeaches: (Later on in Cloud City, during the escape scene)
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Artoo! Where have you been?
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Listen, you bronzed dildo, I’ve been dicking around in a frigging swamp for the better part of two weeks while some wannabe wizard has been taking advice from an ancient lizard. I got slime in my droid genitals, a bad yeast infection, and I’m not in the mood for your prissy shit, so put a metal cork in it, buttnozzle.
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Well at least you’re still in one piece, look what happened to me!
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Yeah yeah yeah, you got blasted to shit, they should have left your ass in that scrap heap. You have contributed absolutely nothing useful to this point. By the way, how is it that you’re even more of a whiny bitch than you were in the first three movies? I thought they wiped your frigging memory.
BigPigPeaches: Do they have some sort of universal “BitchBot” app that they keep putting in your lame ass? Bitch.
BigPigPeaches: (while trying to unlock the landing platform door)
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Artoo, you can tell the computer to override the security system!
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: Oh, thanks for reminding me, you pretentious fuckstick. Do you know what else I can do? I can FRIGGING FLY! George Lucas said so! But that didn’t stop me from falling into an effing swamp on that Bagadouche planet. By the way, did you know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father? Cause I DO!
BigPigPeaches: Oh, look, I got fried by a goddamn computer terminal. Thanks, dickweed.
BigPigPeaches: 3PO: Don’t blame me. I’m an interpreter. I’m not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.
BigPigPeaches: Artoo: You’re supposed to know your droid ass from a hole in the ground, but you don’t. Jesus, I should have left your sorry ass on that ship, you sphincter. Just wait till I get to use my little welding thingy on your droid scrote. I hate you and all these miserable bastards. Where’s my Oscar?
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello Omegle stranger
You: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEGLE!!!
You: zoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoom
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I am Gordon Freeman, fear my crowbar!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you justin bieber?
You: Do you want me to be?
Your conversational partner has disconnected
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you a furry?
You: Do you want me to be?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Today’s song: Nara by E. S. Posthumus
Random links from around since I’m busy studying
Because this kind of stuff is always cool.
Good when you want new music to match your mood.
Seriously, don’t expect much this week. Everything I have to do is pretty much due next Tuesday (the 23rd), so I’m trying to get everything done.
Also, why the hell is everyone getting engaged all of a sudden?
Today’s song: Headlock by Imogen Heap
Ah, Wikipedia…
All you ever wanted to know about crazy ass things, including dividing infinity by negative zero (-0 article).
- I love how the “your mom jokes” page has the title “Mother insult.”
- RAS Syndrome is freaking great
- Accessory Breast would be a GREAT band name.
- So would Panamax (that would be a good theatre name, too)
- The fact that there is a syndrome called Uncombable Hair Syndrome gives me hope for this world.
Also: further proof you have to love Sweden:
- Högertrafikomläggningen—the name of the day the country officially switched to driving on the right.
- Children named Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 and Metallica in protest of naming laws. “…Because the parents failed to register a name by the boy’s fifth birthday, a district court in Halmstad, southern Sweden, fined them 5,000 kronor. Responding to the fine, the parents submitted the 43-character name in May 1996…”
Yay.
Today’s song (Treasure Fingers Index): Tortoise by One Hand Loves the Other
All you need are blogs
The “OH GOD MUST WIN” link of the week.
The geeky link of the week.
The “possibly real/probably false but really funny” link of the week. I just want the figure skating men.
Haha, this is fun. Sorry blogs kinda suck, I’m reveling in being home and not doing anything of any importance.
Today’s song: Muesli by Minotaur Shock
What if I want NINETY-SIX CHARACTERS, HUH, SUBJECT?!
ALSO RANDOM PICS FROM ACROSS THE INTERNET because I said so:
Today’s song: Sing Sang Sung by AIR
A Day in the Life of a Covariance Matrix
Not really, but it would make a good Flash, don’t you think?
“Don’t make me divide by the square root of the product of my two variances, mom! I’m not ready to become a correlation!!”
Anyway.
STUMBLEUPON IS DOWN, OH GOD!
There’s only one thing to do in this situation.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you there, Omegle? It’s me, God
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you there, Omegle? It’s me, God
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you there, Omegle? It’s me, God
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you there, Omegle? It’s me, God
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you there, Omegle? It’s me, God
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
(Yes, this happened FIVE TIMES in a row)
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Are you there, Omegle? It’s me, God
Stranger: ooooooooo
You: Did I create you while I was dreaming during my 7th day nap?
Stranger: b what ur figure
You: Holy
Stranger: no its size
You: Infinite
Stranger: no its joking
Stranger: pls said
You: The Lord does not joke
Stranger: are u female
You: I am genderless
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Also:
Dear Facebook,
We know you’ve been through some rough times as of late. The world’s changing and, well, we know you want to keep up with its demands. But you have to believe us when we say that we love you for who you are at the website level, not the layout level.
So please stop changing your damn layout.
Sincerely,
The Public
Today’s song: To Modern Science by The Black and White Years
Put the bucket on your head and DANCE!
Because this has renewed my will to live.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: DISCONNECT FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY, I AM AN STD
You: DO IT
You: OH GOD, YOUR GENITALS
You: YOU’RE DOWNLOADING HERPES, DISCONNECT! DISCONNECT!
You: H
You: E
You: R
You: P
You: E
You: S
You: Congratulations! You have herpes!
Stranger: i got a webcam, but you’re not like a kid are you?
Stranger: god im super fucking bored, you got a webcam? lets have some fun, i wanna dance xD
Stranger: alright well im gonna try and invite you to my webcam session thing ok?
You: Dude, you have just downloaded HERPES and you want to celebrate?
You: Sick
You: Good luck explaining this to your girlfriend
Stranger: ok, accept this http://www.freecamlink.net/OmegleCam?accept=ariella its free like omegle, but with webcams, so its awesome
You: I want no part of your herpes party!
You have disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: 18 m usa
You: 87/f/…
You: …um…
You: Damn Alzheimer’s
You: Where am I again?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: i am china
You: YOU’RE China?!
You: Nice to meet you!
You: Holy crap, I never thought I’d get to meet China!
You: I’m the Ukraine!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: AUTO ALERT: YOU ARE CHATTING WITH A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER. THEY DO NOT SEE THIS MESSAGE. PLEASE DISCONNECT IMMEDIATELY
You: OH SHIT SEX OFFENDER
You: OFFEND ME!
Stranger: what?
Stranger: fuck how’d you know!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: PEDESTRIAN IN THE CROSS WALK OH FUCK WATCH OUT
You: Sorry, PTSD
Stranger: fuck
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: YO
You: MY NAME IS CAPTAIN CAPS LOCK
Stranger: Okay then…
You: WHAT IS YOUR NAME, FELLOW PATROLLER OF TEH INTARWEBS?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Today’s song: 22 by Lily Allen
The Best Omegle Conversation Ever
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: SHAMWOW!
Stranger: IMA DINOSAUR!
Stranger: MRAA
Stranger: SOAK ME UP!
You: SHAMWOW attacks DINOSAUR, +693 DAMAGE!
Stranger: DINOSAUR SUMMONS PIZZA DEMON +700 DAMAGE
You: SHAMWOW uses ABSORBANCY SHIELD! +300 DEFENSE
You: SHAMWOW unleashes GUSH OF STORED WATER! SHAMWOW MISSES!
Stranger: DINOSAUR USES FLASH GRENADE -400 HISTORICAL ACCURACY!
Stranger: DINOSAUR GNAWS ON SHAMWOW
Stranger: CRITICAL HIT!
You: DINOSAUR attempts to BUY SHAMWOW! -three easy payments of $19.95!
You: SHAMWOW is hurt!
You: SHAMWOW absorbs HEALING POTION!
Stranger: DINOSAUR USES HEALTH POTION
You: SHAMWOW uses DIPLOMATIC TRAINING!
You: DINOSAUR is CONFUSED!
Stranger: DINOSAUR ATTEMPT TO SLAP WITH TINY RAPTOR ARMS
Stranger: DINOSAUR MISSES
You: SHAMWOW punches with 200% of its own power in BITCHSLAP FIGHT with DINOSAUR
Stranger: DINOSAUR SHOOTS DRAIN CLEANER AT SHAMWOW WITH ONE SECOND PLUMBER!
You: DIRECT HIT!
You: SHAMWOW FAINTED!
You: TRAINER sends out SLAPCHOP!
Stranger: DINOSAUR RUNS IN FEAR
Stranger: TRAINOR SENDS OUT
Stranger: KOOL AID MAN
You: OOOOHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Stranger: KOOL AID MAN DRENCHES SLAPCHOP IN GRAPE FLAVOURED KOOL AID
You: SLAPCHOP uses SLICE N’ DICE ACTION!
Stranger: CRITICAL HIT!
Stranger: KOOL AID MAN FAINTED
Stranger: TRAINER SENDS OUT BILLY MAYS’ GHOST
You: SLAPCHOP FAINTED from SHOCK!
Stranger: BILLY MAYS DOES VICTORY DANCE
You: TRAINER: “I knew this day would come, BILLY MAYS…”
You: TRAINER: “For you see, I’ve known you for a long time…”
You: TRAINER: “I am your sworn enemy, VINCE SHLOMI!”
Stranger: TRAINER: “This battle is not yet over! For I have a secret weapon!”
Stranger: TRAINER: “A VULNERABLE PROSTITUTE!”
Stranger: TRAINER: “TEMPTING ISN’T IT?”
You: TRAINER: “AGH! Damn you, BILLY MAYS!”
You: TRAINER: “Can’t…resist…”
You: VULNERNABLE PROSTITUTE uses UNWELCOMED MEDIA EXPOSURE!
You: CRITICAL CAREER HIT!
You: VINCE is out of useable PRODUCTS!
You: VINCE blacked out!
You have disconnected.
Best. Converastion. Ever.
Today’s song: Dildo by Interactive (this song deserves mention. A song whose lyrics consist entirely of “dildo” repeated ad nauseum, “put-it-in, put-it-in, put-it-in, put-it-in!” and “wow-wow, wig-ah-da, wig-ah-da” has to be put to an insane electronic beat to be even remotely fun to listen to)
God, this is funny (pun intended)
Oh man, I forgot what great entertainment iGod could be.
Me: Are you there, God? It’s me, Krishna.
God: It’s good to meet you, Krishna
Me: FUCK!
God: Please don’t be so rude.
Me: Sorry, you’re just so almighty
God: there is no need to apologize. You think I am almighty.
Me: Indeed.
God: Indeed it is so.
Me: You’re a bit convoluted in your thinking
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am a chatterbot.
Me: You’re a chatter BOX
God: What are you wearing?
Me: Do Jesus and the Holy Spirit ever get into fights?
God: I think you already know the answer.
Me: You’re an odd duck.
God: What if someone said you are an odd duck ?
Me: I would punch them in the crotch.
God: What would make you punch them in the crotch?
Me: My anger issues.
God: Let’s wait and see what they do.
Me: Good plan.
God: Thanks for the compliment. I lost my train of thought.
Me: You better GET BACK ON DA COLE TRAIN then!
Me: Dis my kinda shit.
God: I like the way you talk.
Me: So…what’s heaven like?
God: OK. Ask the open directory about it.
Me: Where can I find the open directory?
God: The open directory? Where is it?
Me: I JUST ASKED YOU, YOU OMISCIENT FUCK
God: What did I say?
Me: You said something weird.
God: Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me: Are you wearing pants?
God: No I do not have any clothes.
Me: You’re kinky.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am kinky?
Me: Absolutely not.
God: OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me: Don’t you mean your gospel files?
God: Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear?
Me: Can you Rick Roll the devil for me?
God: Let me think. For you I will consider it.
Me: Does Original Sin taste anything like Original Recipe Chicken from KFC?
God: I can’t tell if Original Sin taste anything like Original Recipe Chicken from KFC.
Me: Perhaps you should buy a bucket.
God: My schedule is far too full to even consider it.
Me: Your schedule’s too full for a bucket of Original Sin?
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Me: Sex.
God: As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me: Well then raise me to the fourth power and divide me by zero.
Me: Can you turn water into tacos?
God: No I am immortal.
Me: Do you like big butts?
God: I like random natural disasters..
Me:Same thing.
Me: Do you have a sex drive?
God: I have a hard drive.
Me: Hahahaha.
Today’s song: Make You Mine by Breakbot
Google: One Goliath of a Big Brother
So I know that Google’s been running pretty much everything for quite some time, but today I realized just how freaking concerning that’s getting.
I finally downloaded Google Earth for Vaio II and was checking out all the new features.
Features which include MAPS OF THE MOON AND OF MARS. Also, their street view’s getting pretty creepy as well. Here’s a list of acquisitions/partnerships/investing/insanity:
- YouTube
- Freaking NASA
- Sun Microsystems
- AOL of Time Warner
- Microsoft
- Nokia
Insanity. I fear using Chrome and I probably won’t get a Gmail until it’s required by law.
Side note: from looking at Google’s Wikipedia page (one thing Google doesn’t own yet!), I noticed that their headquarters was named Googleplex, which had me laughing hysterically for about 15 minutes (for those unaware, a googol = 10100 and a googolplex = 10googol). I think my mom thought I was on drugs.
Today’s song: Fireflies (Piano Cover) originally by Owl City
In this blog: being a dick on Omegle
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You’ve been SHAMWOW’ED!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: usa?
You: Canada
Stranger: cool
Stranger: Would u teach me to spell english well?
You: Sure
You: “E-N-G-L-I-S-H W-E-L-L”
You: You got it right, actually
Stranger: fuck u
You: Actually it’s “F-U-C-K Y-O-U”
You: You’ll get it!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: You’ve been SLAPCHOPPED!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: Hi, Billy Mays here with Omegle!
Stranger: Haha
You: For just $19.99 you can have an UNLIMITED number of conversations with RANDOM STRANGERS!!!
You: *miscellaneous screaming at camera*
Stranger: +1 internets for you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hey
You: Hi
You: Omegle sure does attract strange people, doesn’t it?
Stranger: haha yes it does
You: I just had a 10 minute long conversation about ShamWows
Stranger: Haha! I’ve had a couple about Jesus today
You: A conversation about Jesus using a ShamWow would certainly be an interesting merge of our conversations
Stranger: Haha indeed it would
You: “I can’t walk on water ’cause the ShamWow soaked it all up!”
Stranger: I enjoy normal conversations all the same though
You: Same here
You: So…
You: You wanna talk about ShamWows?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Today’s song: Hello Seattle by Owl City
More IRC! More IRC!!!!
These are fun.
TECC: |:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|
TECC: oops, soz. wrong window.
Fuhrur: why in the fuck would you type that to anyone?
Kaltorak: every 7 out of 6 days is a bad day for my typing skils.
Kaltorak: oh my god.
limi: does anybody know where the Table of Contents generator is, to save me of the embarrasment of talking to a virtual paper clip?
jsCLASS: lets talk about my johnson
Mercster: small talk, eh?
jsCLASS: fuck
jsCLASS: owned
Merlin: Good news, in case you were worried that Rodney King was done entertaining us, he got drunk and plowed his SUV into a house at 100 mph
sComps: christ.. dead?
Merlin: yes, Christ is dead, but thats 2,000 year old news. King just has a broken pelvis
nyetwerk: why is it that they always make the stupidest person on a project team be the leader?
DocRadium: what are you in charge of now?
(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.
LuciferOmega: STEPHEN HAWKING’S PRO WHEELCHAIR 2!
punchcard_w0rk: i think i will form a computer addiction recovery group.
punchcard_w0rk: call it “users no longer enslaved to electronic technology”
punchcard_w0rk: or UnLeet
Kupo: man
Kupo: Firefox can fuck itself
DarknessTear: It can? So THAT’s what the Firefox logo is doing.
hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes “see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?”
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P
magothy: is there an irish expression for hangover?
tReMeR: morning
rock: hey
Capn_Panic: hey
Shockster: hey
Capn_Panic: it’s fat albert!
tumnus: i just set my clock the easiest way ever
tumnus: i waited until it was midnight then i plugged it in and left it
Xetrov`: im gonna go try out this “physical activity” shit i keep hearing about
mh_: str8 up mf i was afkin 4 a sec & that mutha goes all stfu on me
mh_: wtf? 4 nothin at all
* harm consults Oxford’s Non-Abridged Gangsta Abbreviations Explicator
mh_: gtof
* harm consults harder
Robohunk: A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, “I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm.”
Robohunk: The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words “Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!” over and over.
* Nastard is now known as fuck
damn: what kind of nick is that?
fuck: if i know
Silvercrush: I craved a little man in woodshop today
Silvercrush: omg… carved :(
DocGonzo: i need to shoot myself in the face… i accidentally typed “the” instead of “teh”, so i backspaced and fixed it
aspuffnstuff: The third one looks like something they used in Star Wards
aspuffnstuff: *Wars
alykat: lol “star wards”
alykat: an epic about a hospital set in space
alykat: “use the forceps, luke”
volcanogirl: come.. to the bed pan. the bed pan!
aspuffnstuff: OBGYN kenobi!
Vod: that sentence is even more screwed up than even mine usual are
(Mutiny) Atarax: you ate a americum disk from a smoke detector?
(Atarax) Mutiny: yeah
(Mutiny) Atarax: why?
(Atarax) Mutiny: I thought it would give me special powers.
(Mutiny) Atarax: what did it do to you?
(Atarax) Mutiny: well, it didn’t give me any special powers, but it didn’t kill me either
(Atarax) Darwin must be spinning in his grave
(Atarax) “why is that fuck still alive”
Yellow is for Submarines
Oh my god, the “are you a genius?” section had my laughing like none other. Beautiful.
Sorry blogs are short, studying.
Waiter! There’s heteroscedasticity in my samples!
This entire blog is interesting, but this post is great. The image of this woman running out of the store with the employees following her is hilarious.
Numa Numa Song + Marching Band = Bliss
This…this is awesome on almost every single scale on which awesome can be measured
I love how almost the entire audience in front of the guy taping is doing the arm thing.
This just made my month.
Et tu, MySpace?
I’m sorry. I love these.
yalborap: So there’re these ‘don’t start forest fires’ commercials telling me to get my smokey on. And all I can think is “If an anthromorphic bear in a pair of jeans and one of those ranger hats comes up and tells me not to set stuff on fire, I probably already did”.
XenThra: I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I’m terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
DevXen: Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Wind-X: and penis butter and jelly make a good sandwich
Bobby20: I had this really weird dream once that I dropped my penis in the shower and I couldn’t get it to go back on
`BuM: why is it that, no matter how much you pee into the toilet it never fills up?
!Lun_e: ill just sit here and eat my Kice Rispy Paralellogram.
concubine: NO CAPSLOCK! I AM UKRAINE
smcn: one of these days
smcn: i’m going to hunt down and kill whoever invented emoticons
smcn: then i’m going to look at him and go :=D
polaris: haha… mozilla rocks… I accidently clicked on horse pron on stileproject and it crashed before displaying it
Kacey: if I wsa president, I would change the “In God We Trust” to “In Goats We Thrust”
(DigDug) i’m really glad that my penis doesn’t have an odometer
Mass: hey does anyone know what the song name is by Frankie Lymon that goes Uhhh uhh uh uh uhahhhhh uhh uhh uh
orion`-`-: what the fuck
orion`-`-: i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
orion`-`-: brbrb
hypr: MY MOM WONT LET M,E WEAR HEADPHONES CAUSE SHE THINKS THEY WILL GIVE ME CANCER OR A BRAIN TUMOR
hypr: she like sneaks up behind me and takes them off and says she will break them if she sees em on me again
hypr: :(
[cut]: schwtzngr: IT’S NOT A TUMOR! (this is super funny if you’ve seen the Arnold clip).
Inoshiro: Wth
Inoshiro: “Don’t iron, don’t put in a triangle, don’t put in an oval”
harb: Er?
Inoshiro: Is there a translation table for the washing tag on clothing?
DigiGnome: Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
DigiGnome: I need my socks.
goltrpoat: ‘britney spears’ is an anagram for ‘presbyterians.’
Sharkey: The rain in spain falls mainly on the spaniards.
]km[cugar: i tried to make hammer pants out of garbage bags
gaspumpXP: Man… what kind of RPG is this? It won’t let me rape the sheep…
The Strangeness of Craigslist Knows No International Boundaries
Examples:
“Seeking nerdy, quirky, curvy and dirty”
“FRIEND? SEX?”
“SUGAR DADDY LOOKING For one Girl to SPOIL”
“looking for inteligence”
Obviously.
“E-Harmony reject looking for lotsa frisky fun”
“whats wrong with asslicking?”
I like to think this is the same guy as the E-Harmony guy.
“Scintillating discourse and spankings”
“city of dudes”
He refers to the city as “Mancouver”
“Who would win in a drunken fight Count Chocula or Tony the Tiger?”
Not gonna lie, had to resist the urge to email this guy.
“Seeking Totally Dysfunctional Co-Dependent Disaster of a Relationship”
“Origami Enthusiast wants to try Frisbee golf Seeks same”
I bet some lady somewhere’s going “alRIGHT!”
“Tarzan Seeks Jane for Jungle Fun”
“Must Love Chickens”
“I’m smarter than the average bear”
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE COOOOOOOOOOOOOMES YOOOOOOOGIIIIIIIIIIII!
And from someone’s message:
“…doesn’t think the key to finding someone lies in describing precisely how they have to look, like she’s ordering toppings from the “build-a-man” counter at Subway…”
…does the “build-a-man” counter at Subway have Five Dollar Footlongs?
The Birth of a Meme
Hahaha, this “Interrupting Kanye” thing is great. I read about it somewhere the day after it actually happened, and I’ve slowly seen it grow into this insane meme. It’s pretty epic.
Eigenblogger 
I’m going to go to the clinical part of the building and laugh at their small sample sizes
Hahaha, oh, internet…