The GigaToenail has Fallen
OH MY GOD do you want to see a toenail so absolutely overgrown and destroyed by miles and miles of running that it looks like a fossil?
OBSERVE!
Yes, that is, in fact, a toenail. I can confirm it, as I just ripped it off the middle toe of my left foot.
FINALLY.
That’s the underside of it. The top side doesn’t look much better, trust me…though maybe it does look more like a fossil than the underside.
(Thumb for scale.)
Now I’m down to one – count ‘em, ONE – wonky toenail on my left foot. Once that one falls off, my left foot is going to look more normal than it has in years.
Wild.
GOODBYE BIG BOY
The big toenail on my left foot fell off.
I actually wasn’t expecting it to; it was all black and gross but not anywhere near as black and gross as the other toenails on that foot, so it was quite a surprise when I felt it flap away from my toe when I caught it on the carpet.
Wanna see it?
I know you don’t, but here it is anyway.
I’m keeping all of these, by the way.
For science.
STILL GOT IT
It’s good to know I can still do a marathon even though I haven’t been able to get outside and run that distance in several weeks.
I hate being stuck inside.
OH, and I lost another toenail. Kinda. This is just like the top layer of one of my toenails, but that still counts, right?
PUT IT IN THE TOENAIL BAG!
(Also, absolutely no nausea today, so who the hell knows.)
PUT IT IN THE TOENAIL BAG!
So I lost another toenail today!
Look at this horror show:
Now my foot looks like this:
And I have a baggie dedicated to my old toenails, because I’m that kind of weirdo.
(Sorry, I know this is super gross.)
BRO MY TOENAIL FELL OFF
Jesus Christ, FINALLY
Okay, so it didn’t actually fall off. I was putting my shoes back on after my run this morning and noticed that the toenail could basically bend all the way back while still attached to my toe by the cuticle. So I thought screw this nonsense and just started twisting it the way you’d twist a stem from an apple.
And it finally, FINALLY came off.
BEHOLD:
Look at that monstrosity. I’ve been carrying that around for…well, technically my whole life…but in monstrosity form, it’s been YEARS. Like, if you look at the “feet” tag on my blog (please don’t), you’ll see this bugger’s been giving me issues since like 2018.
Now I’m…I’m free.
I’m free.
Now I know how the genie in Aladdin felt.
I am DISGUSTING. This is DISGUSTING.
Remember those early 2000s (?) commercials for that toenail fungus medicine where the little animated fungus lifted up a toenail and crawled underneath?
Edit: LAMISIL! Yeah, this son of a bitch:
Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you…my toenail can basically pull this same move now. OBSERVE!
THIS IS WHAT DISTANCE DOES TO YOU
I wasn’t planning on bringing this decrepit toenail into the new year and yet HERE WE ARE
What the hell is this?
What the hell is this?
Why is it still attached?
How is it still attached?
I’d set it free, but it’s SO SECURELY ON THERE that there’s no way.
And it’s too thick to trim, so…
UGH.
Today I performed an exorcism of the demons living in my toenail
And by “exorcism” I mean “I cut my toenail.” But the level of effort was comparable to an exorcism.
So for quite some time now, my toenail has looked like this demon-possessed thing:
Basically, it turned black and the toenail started to kind of slide off, but another toenail grew beneath it at the same time. This made my toenail about a half a centimeter thick and made it pretty much impossible to clip.
But slowly, very slowly, the old toenail has ground down to the point where the whole thing is actually starting to look and feel normal.
And today was the first day in a long time that I was actually able to legitimately cut that toenail. Now it looks like this!
I call it a victory. It’s a gross victory, but a victory nonetheless.
(The fact that this is like my tenth post about my toenails speaks volumes about the quality about my blog, don’t you think?)
Eigenblogger 