Blaaaaaaaaaaaah SCREW YOU, Big Pharma
Me @ 7:30 AM: I am SO PUMPED TODAY, I’m going to be SUPER PRODUCTIVE and get everything done!
Me @ 9:30 AM: Oh crap, gotta take my med.
Me @ 10:45 AM: Woah, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.
Me @ 11:00 AM: I will start stabbing people if I don’t get to go to sleep NOW.
Me @ 11:15 AM: Supervisor, I cannot stay awake. Please let me go home.
Me @ 12:00 PM: [sleep]
Me @ 2:00 PM: [still sleep]
Me @ 4:00 PM: [more sleep]
Me @ 5:15 PM: [finally woken up by my mom]
So yeah. Screw you, Saphris. I have no idea how people take this med TWICE a day and function. But then again, I’m super sensitive to side effects like super sedation.
Side note: Super Sedation would be a fantastically worthless superhero.
Hyper-logical dreams are scary
Med switch! Now I’m hardly sleeping at all and, when I do, my dreams read like an instruction book. Like last night I dreamt about whether or not to buy a KitchenAid mixer in a very factual manner. It was…weird.
Haha, sorry, it’s just that my dreams are usually fairly nonlinear and this was like a debate meet.
Blaaaaaaaaaah sorry.
Today’s song: Take Me Over by Cut Copy
BLAAHHHHHHHHH
I love how “may cause drowsiness” on medicines translates to “you won’t be able to stay awake for more than half an hour” for me. Same as “may cause dyskenesia” translates to “good luck sitting still for more than five minutes.” I guess passing out to sleep every hour or so is better than being too jittery to sit through class.
Anyway.
NaNo.
YES I KNOW I’m already behind. Read the first paragraph of this blog again and you’ll find one of the main reasons why. However, I’m super glad I impulse-bought that iPod Touch, because it’s been a godsend on the bus rides. I don’t have room enough to pull out a pen and notebook, so I just type on the iPod until I get to wherever I’m going. Snazzy.
My plot so far consists of ye olde science vs. religion issue, but not in a traditional way. I guess I decided to try and challenge myself by trying to write in one of my least favorite genres (science fiction), so who knows how that’s going to go. Hopefully soon I’ll get used to the meds and stop feeling like I got hit by a bus so I can actually concentrate.
Blaaaaaah.
Today’s song: When You Close Your Eyes by Night Ranger
There’s ore in da core!
I FEEL LIKE CRAP, I HATE THESE PILLS.
My eyes hurt and I feel like I’m in some weird psycheadelic dream. And as fun as that sounds, it really actually sucks.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
What a great way to start age 21
Guess who passed out on their 21st birthday from something other than excessive alcohol consumption??
ME!
Yeah.
These new meds are screwing with my head…got out of bed this morning and freaking hit the floor.
Not sure how long I was out, but I don’t think it was that long.
Fun times.
Also, I now consider myself old.
Crazy Meds
And “you will literally eat sugar straight out of the bag to satisfy your cravings for sweets and carbohydrates” is the complete truth about Remeron. Ah, 8th grade…
Gimme an S! Gimme a T! Gimme an R! Gimme an E! Gimme two S’s! What does that spell?!
Ugh.
I’m apologizing to you all. Some of you, I’m apologizing to for things I’ve already done, the rest of you, I’m apologizing for things that I may do in the coming few weeks. Here’s why:
As you all have read (hopefully), a while back I blogged about how much I’ve changed since getting off the meds…how my outlook on life has changed, how my attitudes have changed, all that good stuff. Well, since the “I stared academic failure in the face” incident with my stat 401 test, I’ve been really, really stressed out. Unfortunately, I’ve found myself reverting to my old coping mechanisms and my old frame of mind. And if you knew me at all prior to last December, you know how bad I was.
I’m just scared as hell that I’m reverting back to my old self. I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT, I really, really don’t. So if I’m bitchy, if I snap at you, if I’m self depreciating (I mean, worse than I have been in the past few months), if I’m depressing to be around, it’s because I’m stressed and because I’m so damn afraid of going back to what I was. ‘Cause honestly, if I go back to that after these five or so months of being so much better, I really don’t know what I’m going to do…
So if you guys could be understanding till finals are over, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.
Too sick to samba
Ugh…I feel like crap today. There’s basically not much more than this to say. My eyes hurt. Well, technically, I guess it’s my eyelids that hurt. My head hurts. I’m really shaky. I’m seeing spots. Blah.
Eh…
So lemme give this quick little thingy for all those who read this (like three of you) who read these blog entries and who don’t already know the story (maybe one of you): I’ve been on Zoloft since 5th grade. I was off it for only a short time two summers ago (note: summer; no stress).
Yesterday I was thinking to myself, “why the hell do I need medication to go through life? I DO NOT need medication to go through life.”
So I quit. I’m not going to take them anymore. Screw it. Goodbye, dependency.
Okay, that’s about it.
Eigenblogger 