So today was supposed to be a good day. I was supposed to go to the Faculty of Science awards ceremony and get my TA award thingy and everything was supposed to be great.
But instead I had a panic attack.
I’m calmer now (obviously; can’t write a blog in the middle of a panic attack), but I’m sitting in my office with a really bad headache and a really high degree of self-hatred. I mean, I’m never too thrilled with myself, but it’s been awhile since I’ve just felt so damn worthless.
Guess who spent the afternoon in the hospital because of ridiculous panic attacks?
Aren’t you jealous?
Things I should have done today:
Things I did instead:
- Had repeated panic attacks
- Worked on my incredibly crappy fanfic
- Dealt with unreliable people
- Tried to ignore the present in favor of the future
- Freaked out because ignoring the present will cause me to have no future
- Made an obscene amount of stupid puns
- Cried in the corner
- Had more panic attacks
Have you ever had a panic attack?
Have you ever had multiple panic attacks in a row?
Yeah. That’s fun.
Tonight I stood (or was curled up in the fetal position, rather) on the steps leading to the Statistics department for quite some time, due to the fact that I couldn’t really move. Or breathe, really. I have a big stats test tomorrow at 10, and I’m really, really freaking out over it, obviously. I’ve never felt so hopeless and utterly afraid in my life.
I need a miracle tomorrow, seriously. This 4.0 is desperately needed.