If you’re stressed about the future, clap your hands
If you’re stressed about the future, clap your hands
If you’re stressed about the future
And you don’t care about rhymes because you’ve got bigger things to worry about and you should be doing something more productive than blogging about stupid nonsense and trying to make light of your own panic but you can’t because you’re stressed and panicking and freaking out
If you’re stressed about the future, clap your hands!
Apparently, my body’s new way of coping with stress is to partially wake up in the middle of the night and write either really nonsensical poems or stupid little notes that are actually parts of my dreams.
Either that or I’m writing stuff during the day that I’m totally blocking out. But I’m pretty sure I’m doing it almost in a sleepwalking (sleepwriting?) fashion.
Yaaaaay, my mom is here! Actually, she got here yesterday but it was late and she was tired but I had a minor mental breakdown and we ended up going to Denny’s at 11 PM and then drove around Stanley Park for another hour before we went home and crashed after M&Ms.
(Run on sentences make me look cool, yo.)
Today I unfortunately have a lot of school-related crap work to do today, but tomorrow we’re both taking the day off and screwing around. I’m taking her to Metropolis, a mall that could swallow about 30 Palouse Malls (not kidding) so we can take our minds off of our current situations, both of which suck.
I freaking love my mom, this is going to be awesome.
I’m apologizing to you all. Some of you, I’m apologizing to for things I’ve already done, the rest of you, I’m apologizing for things that I may do in the coming few weeks. Here’s why:
As you all have read (hopefully), a while back I blogged about how much I’ve changed since getting off the meds…how my outlook on life has changed, how my attitudes have changed, all that good stuff. Well, since the “I stared academic failure in the face” incident with my stat 401 test, I’ve been really, really stressed out. Unfortunately, I’ve found myself reverting to my old coping mechanisms and my old frame of mind. And if you knew me at all prior to last December, you know how bad I was.
I’m just scared as hell that I’m reverting back to my old self. I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT, I really, really don’t. So if I’m bitchy, if I snap at you, if I’m self depreciating (I mean, worse than I have been in the past few months), if I’m depressing to be around, it’s because I’m stressed and because I’m so damn afraid of going back to what I was. ‘Cause honestly, if I go back to that after these five or so months of being so much better, I really don’t know what I’m going to do…
So if you guys could be understanding till finals are over, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.
Holy crap, today was the most stressful day of the entire semester. Let me tell you why.
So remember that stats test I took last Wednesday? We got that back today. What was the number on the top?
You can imagine the flip out that ensued. It was all over. Goodbye GPA, goodbye Summa cum Laude, goodbye grad school.
In the midst of this panic, I realize two things. One, he’s going over the test, and then two, my answers on the first page that were marked wrong (all of them were) matched the correct answers he was giving us. I took this up with him after class and long story short, I didn’t get a 65, I got an 80. Yes, that does make me very, very happy, but DEAR GOD I ALMOST LOST IT in class when I saw that 65. If you ever wanted to see the visual display that would accompany someone’s dreams getting crushed, you probably should’ve seen my face when I got that test back. Plus, an 80 still sucks; I’ve given myself a small 15-point window of error for the remaining 150 points in the class. Can I pull it off?
That’s a good question. I’m certainly going to do my best. There’s no way in hell I’m letting a stats class ruin my 4.0.
Second stressor of the day: I get back to my dorm at about 4:30 after research and I chill out for a few minutes, waiting for registration at 7, and am just about to fall asleep in my chair when it dawns on me that I still haven’t turned in my petition to take 22 credits—my limit is set at 20. The registrar’s office closes at 5. I look at the clock. 4:55. I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster in my life. I got there in time (barely) and got that taken care of, so that was good.
Third stressor of the day: with my credit limit taken care of (at least for now, I still have to get that other petition in), nothing was left to do but wait for registration at 7. By 6:58 I had all my little CRN numbers typed in so that I could just hit “submit” at 7 and it would all go through. No problem, right?
All my classes go through…all except one: my stats class. My graduate-level stats class. The one I was assured by my advisor that I would get into (“there are no undergraduate restrictions to get into graduate classes!”). Yeah, apparently there are. So that’s just one more thing I’m going to have to straighten out sometime soon. I’m not posting my schedule tonight ’cause it’s not complete; I’ll do it once stats works out (that is, if it does at all).
So how did I relieve all this stress? I talked to Sean and I made an album cover. Observe:
Pitchfork and little horns were added by yours truly. I can’t decide if I like this one or not.
YES!!! I’m not wait listed for Creative Fiction anymore! LIFE IS GOOD!
…well…it will be once finals are over…
(math does this to me)
…and I know I got a 4.0.