Ouch
A typical “Claudia Fails in Hilarious Ways” day proceeds as follows:
It’s 2.19 miles to my office from my house, and after walking about 40 miles in the past few days, I had TWO MILES TO GO to reach 850 total walking miles for the year by the time today rolled around. But I was late getting going this morning, so to save time I decided to ride my bike to my office instead.
Consequences:
- Ended up riding through a cloud of angry bees and getting stung on the inside of my lip twice.
- Spent like 10 minutes trying to frantically extricate the stingers (while spitting pieces of bee out of my mouth…ew) with no mirror and while parked on the side of a busy street (this happened about halfway in between home and work). Keep in mind that I’ve never gotten stung by a bee before, so I wasn’t sure whether to just expect pain or to expect anaphylactic shock. Luckily the latter didn’t happen.
- Finally got to campus; was going to ride to Rite Aid to get some Benadryl or something but I had work to do and stuff to post for class so I just said “screw it.”
- Spent my last $1.50 in cash buying something cold from a vending machine to ice my lip. Of course, I had to buy a pop, ‘cause the vending machine that vends bottled water was broken. Now I have a random pop that I guess I’ll just store in my office.
- And my lip looks like the victim of a really lopsided collagen injection. Hoping that diminishes by Monday’s class.
It’s like the universe said “HAHA YOU STUPID, that’s what you get for trying to cheat the system.”
Oh well. Gotta walk home now anyway; at least I’ll hit 850 as long as I don’t inhale a snake or something. *optimism*
Edit: 854 miles! Take that, bees!
More Mindless Drivel from a Meaningless Mind
I have a bad habit of writing random notes to myself in the middle of Word documents containing stories/research papers/etc.
Like, I just tack the note onto the end of a paragraph, regardless of said paragraph’s contents.
Example: so this fanfic…it’s like 130 pages and it’s gotten really, really dark, right? Around page 80, there’s this huge scene where the characters are talking about self-harm. At the end of one particularly emotionally-charged paragraph I have in all caps: “JOHN UPDIKE LOOKS LIKE A BAMF.” (well, he does.)
And then a couple pages later: “BUY SHAMPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
Oh dear.
More somber and much more important news. God, look at that thing:
(picture from link above)
That’s so depressing I don’t even have words.
Related: here’s an article from back in 2011 that actually has a compressed sample of the sound another massive iceberg made when it split (tell me this isn’t the most haunting sound ever).
Stop whining or I will TURN THIS BLOG AROUND AND GO HOME
I WISH I WAS AT RTX LALALALALALA.
Anyway.
Can I take a moment and mention that this year has been particularly EXCELLENT for music? ‘Cause it has.
Songs needing appreciation:
This was the freebie last week on iTunes. I didn’t like it at first, but it totally grew on me.
How insanely chill is this song? Seriously.
Beautiful remix!
I heard this on a YouTube ad and had to check it out.
Also, my mom and I went to Spokane this afternoon to visit Auntie’s Bookstore. I got THIS!
The whole middle section is about calculus. SCORE!
I forgot to play Minecraft!
Stuff I should have done today:
- Written the test for my class.
- Worked on my data stuff for my other job.
- Gone walking EARLY to beat the heat so I could actually go on the trail.
Stuff I actually did today:
- Screwed around until 3 PM.
- Walked 16 miles…at the rec center. ‘Cause I was too lazy to go walking earlier and it was too hot to walk outside.
- Wrote smutty fan fiction.
- Watched a bunch of Achievement Hunter vids (they pretty much rule my Saturdays)
- Drank copious amounts of Red Bull.
- Drew some crap.
Good day?
What a Titillating Title!
Well, apart from Migraine Part II, today was pretty good:
- 98% on calc final, A in the class overall.
- 750 miles reached! Halfway to my goal and about a week ahead of schedule.
- Bought socks.
- Heard from Nick for the first time in awhile and he said he’s sending me something in the mail. He wouldn’t tell me what it was, so that means it’s probably going to be hilarious.
Now that I can see again and my head isn’t imploding, I’mma play Minecraft for like twenty hours. Be back later.
Sweet Hot Cajun Invasion, I’m Hyper
The closer I get to this calc final, the more math puns I want to make.
The closer I get to the edge of my chair, the more I want to fall off.
The closer I get to removing all semblance of sanity from my blogs, the more my readers are thinking, “dear god, why did I decide to follow this inanity?”
HAR HAR HAR RED BULL TIME IT’S NOT LIKE I NEED IT BUT WHATEVS!
JEEBUS TAKE THE WHEEL!
Also, my hair’s long enough to braid now. Woo!
I done speak good
A few of my friends posted this on their Facebooks and so I decided to check it out and then post it here ‘cause it’s pretty freaking snazzy. I found the link to the whole data set here.
Some of the interesting ones to me:
- I pronounce “crayon” like “cran” (rhymes with “can”), which is the common pronunciation in Minnesota/Wisconsin/Michigan/that region.
- I pronounce “realtor” as “reel-uh-ter,” which is a little more common in the Midwest/upper south.
- I pronounce “roof,” “room,” “broom,” and “root” with the same vowel sound, which is very common in the south and New England.
- My “route” rhymes with “out” and that would probably get me beat up in New England, who strongly prefers that it rhyme with “hoot.”
- I say “garage sale” rather than “yard sale” or “rummage sale.” Garage sale is common in Tornado Alley.
Cool stuff!
My Atmosphere
Idea: some company should make a type of gnocchi and call it Fibonocchi. The box would have to have some sort of mechanism where it would only dispense the gnocchi in quantities of Fibonacci numbers. Like if you shake it five times you get 0 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 3 = 7 gnocchi.
And it could only be served with rabbit.
I think I need to sleep.
Blatherings from the Void
- My tongue REALLY HURTS.
- I have a MIDTERM this week afdlskfaewlgghadlfsdhh.
- There is nothing funnier than YouTube poop at 4 AM.
- We’re starting Lagrange multipliers tomorrow! I’m super excited because I know that they have some fairly direct application to the stuff I was doing with fit indices at UBC.
- I’m missing like 5 of my favorite shirts and I have NO IDEA where they could have possibly gone. I’m very possessive of my clothes; this is stressing me out.
- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMINECRAFT!
- I’m done here. Another worthwhile waste of time by Claudia! I’LL BE HERE FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS, GUYS!
Somebody needs to do this if it hasn’t been done yet
Imagine a creation story where the Cosmos gives us two brother gods: Integration and Differentiation. They are responsible for two components of the Universe.
Integration—”The Great Summer”—is in charge of unity and space (well, area, but let’s just go with space). He wields integral symbols as weapons and lives in the sky.
Differentiation—”The Great Changer”—is in charge of division and, of course, change. He’s able to take the smallest components of the universe (hence the “division” aspect) and create a degree of change in it*. He has armor made out of barbs tangent to his skin and lives in the earth.
Something to draw, maybe…?
*Yes, I know taking the derivative of a function does not cause the change measured. Just work with me here.
Suckity Suck Suckerson McGee
According to the internet, Isaac Newton is made of “man, Romance, and herpa derp. With a dash of Ramen.” That freaking made my day.
Anyway.
Best thing about tonight’s concert: Bukvich song! Freaking awesome.
Worst thing about tonight’s concert: Bukvich song! But only because it’s a badass song but there are no recordings of it yet so I can’t download it and listen to it whenever I want.
I was going to say something else, but I seriously can’t remember what it was now.
Sorry these suck.
Stupid Claudia Thoughts
I have come to the conclusion that I have the world’s ugliest legs. I mean, they get the job done, but holy hell they look like malformed parsnips.
Totally unrelated: I really like the word “scope.”
Sleep Deprivation Makes Me Cooooool.
Theory: Cinnamon Toast Crunch is Cap’n Crunch’s estranged son who, rebelling aginst his father’s wishes that he join the Navy, took up a life of stripping. His real name’s like Gary or something and “Cinnamon Toast” is just his stage name.
I’d like to know how that went down when Cap’n Crunch found out.
Like one day The Cap’n comes home from a long day of Crunchatizing and finds li’l Gary taking off all his cinnamon in a bowl of milk to the tune of “You Sexy Thing.”
“Dad! I uh…what are you doing home so early?”
“Son, what are you doing?”
“I, uh…just…”
“Get out of the milk, son.”
“But da—”
“Get out of the milk.”
Completely unrelated:
Claudia’s Extraordinarily Short Blog Post
I get visibly upset every time I see helium balloons now. There’s a helium shortage, people. Do you want a festive party or do you want to keep your MRI machines running?
I’d suggest hydrogen balloons as an alternative, but birthday candles + hydrogen encased in thin balloon film skin = mini Hindenburg time, so yeah.
Butts.
So last time I checked, this was spring break week, right?
WHERE’S THE BREAK?
Have a picture of an “in need of repair” piano sitting in the music building.
And have some turret.
So.
The stats department has a special computer lab exclusively for stats grad students and faculty/staff. I was in there this afternoon re-making lecture notes when I noticed that the posters they’ve got on the wall are still wrapped in their original plastic and are just stuck to the wall with tape.
That’s hysterical.
[seething]
OH MY GOD today has been the most frustrating day I’ve had in a long time. Our CS lab assignment made me want to stab myself in the face.
Why. Am. I. So. Bad. At. Everything. I. Do.
Flaugh.
Anyway.
This made me laugh (and made me oddly aroused):
Warning: wear headphones if watching in a public place unless you want a lot of weird looks.
In this blog: I exclaim random crap using ALL CAPS
Because it’s an “all caps” type of day.
THANKS C++ FOR YOUR EXTREMELY SPECIFIC DESCRIPTION OF THE ERROR ON LINE 19 I CAN TOTALLY FIX IT NOW
HAHA THE VARIABLE “TIME TO PHD” IS CONSIDERED AN EXAMPLE OF SURVIVAL DATA IN THIS EXAMPLE IN MY TEXTBOOK. I GUESS I DIED.
I STUMBLED UPON THIS WHILE IN THE LIBRARY AND I LAUGHED INAPPROPRIATELY LOUD:
THIS TOO:
BLOG WILL NOT CONVERGE
Asdlkfajlfagahsdfasjcawfe screw this week, man.
Anyway.
In the spirit of turning 25 tomorrow, here are some pictures of me when I was little.
My hair. Holy crap.
Birthday party! Why does our house look like it’s right out of the ’70s?
Posing as if I were taking my dad’s Envi Sci class (he has all his students stand with their names so he can memorize them). I loved that shirt.
Cheetos, yay!
Hahaha, the attitude, oh my god.
I look like Merryweather from Sleeping Beauty.
Eigenblogger 