Will Will will Will’s will to Will?
Today I present The Stages of Claudia’s Reaction to a Math Test
Right before the test: I freaking love calculus! I totally know this stuff.
Looking over the problems: LET’S DO THIS!
Doing the problems: What’s a plus sign?
Right after handing it in: Crap. That went badly.
10 minutes after handing it in: I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck
Rest of the day: WHY AM I SO BAD AT EVERYTHING I LOVE?
Next day: I’ve disappointed myself.
Following day: I’ve disappointed the gods of calculus.
Following day: I’ve disappointed everyone.
All next week: I am a worthless soul who can’t do anything right. Why do I even bother, it’s not like I’m smart enough for any of this. [insert obnoxious amount of pointless angst]
Getting the test back: Oh, an A. Okay.
This has seriously happened three times this semester. Still trying to shake that damn math test anxiety that’s been following me since high school.
The math part of my brain (that ITTY BITTY LITTLE TROOPER) is internalizing some substantial portion of this awesome stuff. Why can’t the rest of my brain figure that out?
I never have this problem with stats. More proof that at least for me, stats and math are quite different things.
The Fisher-Yates Shuffle is not a dance
So I’ve been screeching for like the past five minutes because THE FALL CLASS SCHEDULE IS UP ZOMG!
The bad:
Agh, the ONE CLASS I really, really, really wanted to take (History of Math) is not offered.
[frustrationfrustrationfrustrationfrustration]
The good:
Well hell, everything else looks good, though. Regardless of which section(s) I end up teaching of STAT 251, none of them will conflict with the other classes I want to take.
Tentative schedule:
(MWF)
STAT 451: Probability Theory (8:30 – 9:20)
ENGL 492: Advanced Fiction Writing (12:30 – 1:20)
MATH 432: Numerical Linear Algebra (1:30 – 2:20)
MATH 215: Intro to Advanced Mathematics (2:30 – 3:20)
(TH)
MUSA 321: Concert Band (4:30 – 5:20)
I also really want to take HIST 404: History of Science until 1800, but I can’t find the prerequisites anywhere (it’s a special topics class, so who knows) and it also conflicts with Advanced Fiction.
ANYWAY.
Throw one (or two?) sections of STAT 251 in there and we’re good.
But DAMMIT I wanted History of Math.
UpDownUpDownUpDownUp
Freaking crap, man.
This semester’s been a rollercoaster. And not a fun one.
I’ve hit this impenetrable wall of depression that I haven’t experienced since high school. Vancouver depression was really “pity me and my horrible life” self-induced sadness. This is like “even if I won a Nobel Prize I’d still want to crawl in a hole and die” sadness.
Blah.
Anyway, for some more school-related blathering:
The UI math department offers a special MAT degree, which is a “Master of Arts in Teaching Mathematics” degree. From what I gather, it’s a non-thesis MA track with an emphasis in (surprise!) teaching math.
So currently I have no idea where this math degree will get me other than flailing about even more stuff. But if it ends up going the way statistics went for me, I’ll likely want to teach it.
The MAT degree specifically states that it “only” prepares for teaching at some community colleges. I would be 100% okay with that (community colleges need teachers, too!). I can teach stats as I am, but I don’t think anyone would let me teach math with my current background, so I’d pretty much have to get some sort of advance degree to do so.
The only issue is this: right now I’m on the “statistics” track of the math degrees. I would guess I’d need to move to the “general” track to best prepare for graduate math insanity. That would mean like 5 more semesters rather than 2—which would be totally fine, I love school—but I don’t know about the money issue.
What would be real awesome is if I were to become a permanent lecturer in the stats department. I found out yesterday that I will be teaching in the summer and will most likely be teaching again in the fall (maybe two sections!), but I don’t know how long the demand for a supplemental lecturer will last.
So I guess I just need to stop blabbing about it and go inquire about the MAT. Couldn’t hurt, right?
Euclidean Porn
It’s one of those “12 hours on campus every day” weeks.
Which means it’s also one of those “have repeated panic attacks in my office” weeks.
Come on, brain. Now’s not the time for your BS. Wait until after finals, alrighty? I’ll let you concentrate on nothing but naughty Leibniz thoughts* if you wait until after finals to spaz yourself into a quagmire of busted synapses.
In other news: I need this shirt.
*You do that anyway, but whatevs.
TITLE ENTERED! IS THE NEXT STEP NACHOS?
HI FOOLS!
So I’ve got good news and bad news.
Bad news: due to scheduling conflicts, I had to drop my “for fun” class, Engineering Physics, this semester. Perhaps I’ll be able to fit it in next fall.
Good news: room has opened up in Intermediate Non-Fiction, the next class for me in the Non-Fiction track. So I added that today as my “fun class” at the last minute (literally 11:59 PM).
And in the long-term (’cause I’m all about the long-term), this is probably a better class to take right now anyway. It actually pertains to either a Writing minor or an English major depending on which I decide to pull. And I’ve been itching for another writing class. I love being “forced” to write for homework and I love to read other peoples’ writing.
So…yay?
Why taking freshman classes is fun/scary/hilarious/depressing/exciting/disturbing/wow
I am 24 years old. Even though nationally the average number of years it takes to graduate with a bachelors degree is trending towards 6 years and thus more and more people are my current age when they graduate, most freshman are still 18, 19, maybe 20.
And currently, I am taking mainly freshman classes.
Why it’s fun: I love the broad scope of 100-level classes. I like how (most) 100-level classes are graded quite easily and thus kind of allow you to mentally gloss over the parts that don’t hold your interest but delve into the parts that do. That’s kind of the purpose of 100-level classes anyway, isn’t it? To help you figure out if what you’re studying actually interests you?
Why it’s scary: There’s always the chance for failure. If I can’t handle things at the 100-level, I’m pretty much in trouble. So there’s that.
Why it’s hilarious: Oh my god. Freshmen.
Why it’s depressing: I’m 24 and still in the “beginning” classes as if I have yet to do anything (academic-wise) with my life. It makes me wish that I’d known what I wanted to do way back when I first started in 2006 (or even before that).
Why it’s exciting: There’s something about starting at the “beginning” of a new field of study, man. The possibilities! The chance for finding future obsessions!
Why it’s disturbing: The number of people who are in college but show absolutely no interest in what they’re studying is the most depressing thing ever. Why waste your time, money, energy, and the prime years of your life doing something you hate? [says the girl who spent two miserable years in the hellhole of Vancouver just for a Masters, but ignore that for now]
Why it’s “wow”: Dude. I just love school, okay? I bitch about it a lot, but I love it.
I’m also really jazzed up today for some reason.
END!
It’s tiiiiiiiiiiime…
YES. SCHOOL.
Review:
MATH 176 (Discrete Math): I still dig that we’re going to talk about the pigeonhole principle. Totally excited about the material in this class.
PHYS 211 (Engineering Physics): There are like five of us in there who aren’t physics or engineering majors. This’ll be a lot of work, I think, but it sounds like it’ll be really fun as well. And my prof is awesome.
CS 120 (Computer Science I): Programming in stuff other than R and SAS! I see myself getting really obsessive about this class.
AND my class, which is super late in the day, especially for a stats class (3:30). I’ve got about half the students I did last semester due to the time, but hey…at least I’m not teaching the 8 AM section. I hope my students will like the class (and me).
WOO!
Nerves
Total distance walked thus far in 2013: 30 miles.
I need a car. And people need to shovel their damn sidewalks. The top of the hill on 3rd is an icy death trap.
Got my books today. I’m taking engineering physics because I want to take engineering physics and the book is GIANT. It looks like it’ll be a really interesting class.
I’m also taking discrete math. The first page I randomly turned to in the book had a discussion of the pigeonhole principle (a This Week’s Science Blog topic awhile back), so I have automatic love for that class. The professor is the same dude I had for linear algebra back in the stone age, so at least I’ll be familiar with his teaching style.
I think I’m actually more nervous about teaching this semester than last semester, mainly because now that I’ve done a class I feel like I have no excuse for any mistakes.
I need to chill. But I suck at chilling.
BAH.
Note: I’m having some issues regarding approving/responding to comments. Just letting you know that I’m not ignoring them (I love your comments, guys!), I’ll get to them as soon as WordPress stops throwing a hissy fit every time I try to type a response to one.
Yayz!
HA.
4.0.
I still got it.
And yes, it matters to me. I’ll probably be going to grad school again (as much as I’m hesitant about it), so grades are important.
I give myself a banana sticker.
I am Golfer, hear me Fore
I pwned that calc final. Thank you, Leibniz (and Newton)!
Have some sillies in celebration.
So close I can taste it
It’s going to be very difficult for me to leave school again when it becomes time to do so. I know I’ve mentioned this on here before, but in “Ideal Claudia World of Ultimate Happiness”, I would somehow find a way to continue to go to school for the rest of my life. Also, in this world, I’d keep on working my current job, because HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT SO. This was actually the most fantastic semester ever because not only did I get to take a bunch of cool classes, but I also got to teach at the same time.
You know, now that I think about it, even though it’d be a total longshot and would probably never work, I should propose it to the President of the U of I. “I will complete every undergraduate degree you offer if I can keep working as a lecturer to pay for it.” I’ve always said I’ve wanted to do that and then write a book about the experience. That’d actually be pretty good publicity for the University, assuming it was actually a good book (longshot #2). And how cool would it be to study a University by completing every major it has to offer?
I don’t care how outlandish and stupid that idea sounds—it sounds cool to me. And I know I’d run into arguments that would go along the lines of, “well, if you’re actually serious about learning stuff, you don’t necessarily have to stay in school; you can learn things outside of the classroom blah blah blah blah blah.”
Yes, I’m aware of that. Two counters:
1) quite a few of the things offered at a Univeristy are things that, on my own, I probably wouldn’t have either the resources to learn or even just the ability to learn in an efficient manner. Take a foreign language, for example. I’m not too confident about my bilingual ability (assuming I would acquire some) and thus would probably do best in a classroom-type setting. Learning about something else in which I have no background would fall under this category, too.
2) I’m actually one of those people who learns best in a classroom-type setting. I suppose I’m lucky in a way; ever since I entered school I’ve been in an environment that naturally works for me when it comes to actually learning material.
But anyway.
A girl can dream, right?
Haha, sorry, this has been on my mind all semester.
Are all Culligan men Aquarians?
Now this is a schedule.
I’m going to drop either applied regression (STAT 516) or discrete math (MATH 176) because even with my insane credit-taking, I’m not sure if I can pull 19 credits while teaching. Plus, I’ve heard that calc II is the bear of the calc trio.
But WOO! I love making schedules.
I teach MWF 3:30 – 4:20, by the way. So if you know anybody that still needs to take STAT 251…
Don’t fear the future
So I met with my advisor today. After explaining that the reason I didn’t take half the classes I’d told him I’d take this semester was because I’ve got the best job EVER, he confirmed that my classes for next semester were good choices.
We also talked about what the heck I’m going to do for the next couple of years. While I’d like to get an actual factual math degree, we both agreed that the more practical (and equally awesome) plan should be for me to fill in my missing math knowledge (the calculus series, the two mathematical statistics classes) and then apply for a stats PhD somewhere. Unfortunately (fortunately? I don’t even know anymore), said PhD, if it were to occur, would not occur anywhere around here, ‘cause neither U of I nor WSU offers a PhD in statistics.
Of course, I’m going to try for the best programs in the country, which I might actually have a shot at considering my old (and TERRIBLE) GRE scores are going to be invalid by next October so I’ll have to retake that (after studying this time, of course).
BUT, I think I’ll have to be here two years, and in that time I think I can actually get a BS in math ANYWAY, so how cool? And I’m glad for the two years, anyway. I’m so sick of moving.
I’m excited. Time to look up schools!
It’s that wonderous time of the year of hypothetical semester schedules!
I’ve forgotten the joys of next-semester’s-schedule planning. Yayayayayay.
M/W/F:
MATH 175: Calculus II
PHYS 211: Engineering Physics I
CS 120: Computer Science I
STAT 516: Applied Regression Modeling
[Teaching STAT 251: Statistical Methods]
T:
CS 120: Computer Science I Lab
MUSA 321: Concert Band
H:
PHYS 211L: Engineering Physics I Lab
MUSA 321: Concert Band
It’ll be weird teaching 3 days a week. But I can’t WAIT.
It’s like PULLING THE TEETH OF MY MIND
CRAP GUYS, I have a long essay due in Non-Fiction class next Friday and I have no idea what the hell to write about. I originally wanted to write about my lack of olfaction since I’ve never really written about that before in any sort of formal context, but my teacher and I thought that would be better for the second long essay because I kind of want to take a literary journalism-type approach to it.
So now I’m currently at a loss for the first essay.
I’d actually like to write about Vancouver (or at least my walking around Vancouver) but I’ve repressed all that crap and I think that if I try to bring it to the forefront of my mind would cause physical pain.
But right now it might have to happen, ‘cause I’ve got no other ideas.
Haha, and you think I would, too, considering all the random crap I’ve been through the past year or so.
Brink, you scary.
Proof:
I don’t know what disability having one leg and a wheel qualifies as, but it looks pretty bad.
I was thirsty and wanted some water. Then I saw this and changed my mind. It looks a lot creepier without a camera’s flash lighting it up.
In a brief interlude between artistic endeavors, M.C. Escher took a year off to dabble in architecture. During this time he designed Brink Hall.
This is in one of the bathrooms. The washer was running. I wonder if the cleaning crew does their rags in those washers?
Exactly six years ago…
…was the very first day of college for myself and at least two of my readers.
Exactly six years ago we became official college students, taking our very first classes and having our very first college-level grade-related panic attacks.
(Maybe that last part was just me)
It’s crazy what six years can do, eh? We’re all in very separate places but still in the same town.
I often think the same things of my high school friends as well. I wonder about the different paths we’ve all taken to get us to where we are now.
Life is a weird, weird thing.
Six years ago, I didn’t even want to go to college. I thought it was the next unavoidable step in life, so I just went. I wanted nothing to do with math/stats/anything quantitative and was a psychology/music/theatre triple major (hahahaha).
Now I’m teaching a freaking statistics class.
What about the rest of you guys? How much has changed for you in the last six years? What’s stayed the same?
I’m an educator!
Today I taught my first university class.
It was awesome.
I think it’ll take awhile for it to sink in that I’m actually independently responsible for a class of 130+ students. But I think it’s going to be the most fantastic time ever.
Oh, and I also had classes today!
- I’m taking SAS Programming, which will end up being super helpful because it prepares us for the SAS certification exam, which would put us way ahead in the job market because pretty much every company that does analyses uses SAS and wants people who know how to use SAS.
- And…CONCERT BAND! I haven’t played my clarinet in like three years, so the first few rehearsals will be interesting. BUT YAY MUSIC AGAIN FINALLY!
I’m done.
Claudia’s Post-Secondary Education: Round 2. Er, 3. 4 ½? Ah, who even knows anymore.
I’m baaaaaaaaaack…
SCHOOL TIME!
EXTREME EXCITEMENT!
Because of teaching (which will begin TOMORROW!) I cut my credits down substantially, which I think was a good thing even though it’s hard for me to take less than 20 credits. Or so I’m assuming. I’ve never done it before.
Anyway.
Today’s classes were:
- CALCULUS!! Freaking Leibniz party, man! I’m excited.
- Beginning Nonfiction!! I was going to take Advanced Fiction as well, but it’s right after my stats class (ha! MY stats class) and I figured that wouldn’t be ideal, especially since I’ll have 137 students and I think that at least some will have questions after class every once and awhile.
- And I’m taking the itty bitty one-credit trig class (MATH 144) because I never took trig in high school and I’d like to know what that’s all about.
So WOO!
More to come tomorrow. I’mma go run around the house a few times.
This gentleman is my hero
30 degrees. How freaking cool is that?
“I enjoy learning as a means of independence,” Nicholson told the Gazette. “I have academic freedom; I can study or do whatever I want to do.”
Sslsljfdlskghasdlkfsards yesyesyesyesyes.
New life goal: get 30+ degrees.
If two hotels from the same company sleep together, is it considered inncest?
I’m at work right now writing this. Decided to take a short break for my sanity’s sake. This damn PDF I’m working on keeps crashing Adobe Acrobat so I’ve had to read this 50-page chapter on bowel movements like ten times.
Anyway, after screwing around with my schedule a bit this last week, I’ve finally got next semester all in place. Behold!
I’m beyond excited. I’ve missed school so much.
That is all.
Mind the Gap Year
BIG NEWS, READERS!
Actually, not really. Assuming all 11 of you subscribers read this regularly, maybe two of you will actually give a crap about this.
But whatever. It’s big news to me.
(this is a repeat for those of you on Facebook, so go ahead and skip if you want)
I’ve saved up a bunch of money working down here at PCC. I’ve decided to take that money and use it to go back to the University of Idaho for (at least) a year.
Why? Multiple reasons.
Reason one: the job market blows heavy metal balls chunks now. Sure, companies are hiring statisticians, but the positions open are all “Senior Statistician” or “Veteran Analyst” or “900-Year-Old Data Wizard”, meaning you need 10+ years of experience, a PhD, or both.
Reason two: I still feel like my math knowledge is insufficient for the level of statistics understanding that I’d like. I never took the actual factual calculus series (despite taking like twenty calc classes) and I feel like I really do need that plus the subsequent Mathematical Statistics course to really understand what the hell I’m doing. If I can crank out the calc classes and some other higher level math, I’d like to try to apply to a PhD program in stats.
Reason three: school is my hot sweet lover. We need each other. In bed.
Reason four: the “why don’t you just go to U of A/PCC?” defense. U of A is super expensive, and being a “transfer” student now (non-traditional, WOO!), I would have had to apply back in like January to have gotten any chance of getting in. And PCC is way cheap, but there aren’t that many classes at the level I’m at since it’s a community college and not a university. Plus, I have to go through a few extra steps to verify that my Canadian degree is in fact legit, and I’m lazy, so that’s a deterrent right there.
Itty bitty reason five: I miss having friends. Hopefully I’ll see you sillies up there as well as make some new friends in band. Yes, I’m taking band.
So WOO! I leave in a few weeks. Gotta pack and all that. Hoorah. So I guess this past year’s been my (super delayed) “gap year.”
Also, screw sleep.
I think Scooby Doo is in my pants
So.
Due to multiple reasons (some health-related, some family-related, some money-related), I have been without a solid plan for my near/intermediate future for approximately 7 months now. Being without said plan has been slowly destroying my will to live.
So I’m sick of it.
But now I’m conflicted over what to do. There aren’t any stats jobs in Tucson or in the surrounding area. In fact, around the country there are very few entry-level stats jobs. Even for freaking PhD students…everyone’s looking for statisticians with like 10+ years of experience (not exaggerating).
So here’s how I see it: I’m the type of person who either needs to be in a field where I can obsess over doing stuff I love (read: statistics), or I need to be acquiring more knowledge in some sort of full-time or at least mostly-full-time type of environment.
So if a job isn’t happening at the moment, what’s left?
SCHOOL!
I guess I was never really conflicted about that. I pretty much figured I’d return to school someday because that’s just the type of person I am. So what’s the conflict?
Do I…
A) Stay down here and go to school at my place of employment, Pima Community College (it’s too late to register for the University of Arizona, I don’t have THAT much money, and I’m still technically an out-of-state resident so $$$$$$$$!),
or…
B) Go back to the black hole that is Moscow and play out my dream schedule for fall (I’m already enrolled and set for tuition payments).
Pros for Option A
- Not having to move again
- Still in the same city as my mom, which is a big deal to both of us
- Cheap as hell; totally tuition-free if I keep working there
- SCHOOL!
Cons for Option A
- Tucson is…blah.
- PCC doesn’t have a lot of *advanced* classes, which is where I am in a lot of stuff pertaining to my education (except calc…I’d like to review basic calc until it makes perfect sense in my head).
- If I were to transfer to UA, again, $$$$$$$$$!
- I’d probably have to keep my current job. It’s an okay job, but it’s not ideal.
Pros for Option B
- Dream schedule! Seriously. It’s awesome.
- My dad’s like “rent-free living in the basement if you take care of the house while I’m gone” (which would be for approximately 33% of the year, maybe a little more now). I also think he’s lonely.
- MY KITTY CAT IS THERE OMFG I MISS HER
- It’s the U of I, meaning that I know that damn school inside and out and can get exactly what I want out of it
Cons for Option B
- Moscow is…Moscow.
- I’d have to live with my dad. I shouldn’t put this as a con because he’s offering free rent (shut up, selfish brain, shut up!), but if you’ve ever lived with my dad, you’d totally understand this point.
- Moving. AGAIN.
- Being away from my mom. We’re close, shut up.
So yeah. I have no idea what I’ll do. Plus, if I go back, I’ll have to face all the “I thought you were in grad school?” questions, to which I’ll have to answer “I was, and I’m done, but…” And we all know how judgmental people are.
BLAHSEKLDHFSDLFSWEERLWchicken.
Eigenblogger 