Waiter! …Waiter? AAAAAAAAAAAAAGLHALSKFDJSL!!!
Facts about the 20th year of life:
-The brain has reached maturity by age 20 and thus begins its long, slow deterioration.
-Starting between the ages of 20-30 (sometimes 25-30), people begin to lose roughly 5 to 10 pounds of muscle during each decade of life.
-This muscle loss causes a drop in the metabolism by 5%-7%.
-Bones are still not at peak density.
-Peak height has been reached, after age 20, average heights start to decline.
Happy freaking birthday to me.
Lighter note:
~Coolest pants in the universe came in the mail today
~My mom bought me SPSS and SAS
~My dad gave me a $150 visa gift card (use: socks, more cool pants, etc.)
~I have officially reached the age where I deem it acceptable—nay, necessary—for me to comment on society in general and in particular young peoples’ behavior by shaking my head and muttering, “kids today!” and “today’s music is nothing but crap!” and “back in my day…”
Bonus phrase: “Get the hell off my lawn, you unruly youngsters!”
Silly Rabbit…Trix are for Magicians
Haha, ohhhhhhh…my titles kill me.
Now to the blog:
YES! My statistics test has been moved back to next Friday. I’m frightened. I’ve never taken a 400-level statistics class.
On another note…
I feel the need to poke fun at emos. Thus, I dub next week “Claudia Blogs Like an Emo Week”, starting on Monday. Why? Because I feel a blog-esque lampoon of the stereotypical emo blog is needed. And I think it would be hilarious if I did it, because…well, I don’t know. But it will be.
Onward to year 20!
Bless the Gods of Academia!
If, that is, there are such gods to be blessed.
Either way, I’m very happy that we got a snow day today. Why, you ask? Statistics homework. I’d done it all, of course, but I felt the need to redo it all again in preparation for the test on Monday.
I’m just that obsessive.
And I spent the whole day listening to disco music. Thank you, iTunes radio.
Good, productive day. Couldn’t ask for more.
Oh wait, except for this:
Dear god, I suck at poetry. And Flash. And life.
Haha, best YouTube video description ever: “Steve… in drag… dancing to Journey and eating Oreo’s. But hey, it’s okay… we’re Catholic!!”
I’ve officially realized that I suck incredibly at Flash. The evidence for this claim is really very simple.
Total Flash endeavors that are still saved on my computer: 19
Total Flash endeavors carried out until completion: 3
Success rate: 15%.
It’s a sad, sad, world.
I’ve also officially realized that I suck at poetry. I don’t do poetry by choice much anymore (mainly because—hey—I suck), but the poetry I’ve done in the past is so horribly horrible that it’s worth a good laugh. Though I’ve been published a few times, I think this work of genius that got me in considerable trouble in 4th grade (conservative catholic school, people) is my best piece of poetry ever:
There once was a tart
Who learned how to fart
And stunk up the whole neighborhood.
Then there was a time
When he learned to rhyme
And farted as loud as he could.
He shook all the buildings, structures, and towers
He wilted the weeds, grasses, and flowers.
He made the fish die, salmon and basses
He made people faint with his powerful gasses.
Some army men died
And most their wives cried
And buried them under dead grasses.
Pretty good for fourth grade shenanigans, eh? I’m proud of this piece of poetic contraband that caused a great fuss once it got outside the fourth grade classroom.
I suck at life, too. Really. It’s because I’m so silly and enjoy using phrases such as “poetic contraband” though they don’t really make all that much sense.
Further realizations: Futurama is the best animated series ever. And Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is a great place to go for silly quotes. And general overall humor.
‘Ta!
That’s the one good thing about standard deviates—they’re never mean
Well, my iPod bit it. So I will buy myself a custom-colored one.
Problems: it’s expensive and only holds 2,000 songs (right now I’ve got 1,195). So I might just buy a regular video one like I had before.
Pfft. Who knows what I’ll do?
Stop the presses! Halt the copying machine! Don’t press CONTROL+P!
So I had this huge blog all planned out regarding my discovery that Microsoft Word recognizes “Spongebob” as a word.
That is, until I realized that I’d actually added the word awhile ago when I was typing a document that was heavy in the usage of the word “Spongebob” and had gotten sick of seeing the word underlined in red.
Silly girl.
I’d give you a survey, but I can’t find one worthy of my “humorous” responses.
That and I’m lazy.
Well maybe it’s—
Yeah. I’m lazy.
And I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t ask why I was typing a document that involved the heavy usage of the word “Spongebob.”
Hello, I’m Erik Erikson and I have a silly name
I’m sorry, but I’m easily amused by my own antics and find my answers to this strange survey absolutely hilarious. You say “egotistic,” I say…well, yeah.
Touché.
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was behind you?
Drew Carey? WTF are you doing in my room?
2. How much cash didn’t you spend yesterday?
THIS QUESTION BLOWS MY MIND!!!
4. Favorite planet, which you would live at, if you could?
I’ve surveyed Uranus from afar and have found it a suitable habitat for a pervert who enjoys the silly connotations of the word “Uranus” on a daily basis.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with mist?
Cyst. Or lasagna.
5. What is your favorite tone on your phone?
“AAAAAAAAAAAH PUSSY!”
6. What is the last band shirt you wore?
Marching band! Ha, that totally counts.
7. What do you think of yourself?
AAAAAAAAAAAAH PUSSY!
8. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing.
OH MY GOD I’VE NO FEET!
9. Night light or pitch black?
I refuse to answer for religious reasons.
10. What do you think about the (previous) person who took this?
Pat Buchanan is awesome. Yeah, Pat Buchanan totally took this before me. And if you’d have seen his answers…well…you’d see why he never had a chance in any election.
11. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Wouldn’t YOU like to know? Hehehehe…I’m a filthy human being.
13. Where is the nearest Valero?
Is that anything like Velcro? If it is, it’s in the drawer behind me.
14. What’s something that you say a lot?
“Holy crap!”
15. Who told you they loved you last?
My mumsy.
16. Last furry thing you touched?
I’m sorry…I have to…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH PUSSY!
17. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days?
Why, The Same Drugs You Did, Dear Survey Creator—The Ones That Make You Capitalize Every Word Of A Sentence!
19. Favorite age you have been so far?
The same number as this question. How handy!
20. Your wurst enemy?
Sausage (ha! Get it?)
21. What is your current desktop picture?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH PUS—okay I’ll stop.
22. What was the last thing you said to someone?
“Hey, I’m not in grad school yet. I have excuses.”
23. How do you like your eggs?
Ostrich-esque.
24. Do you like someone?
I would take this man, throw him up against a wall, and start making sweet, sweet love to him (preferably in the psych department building, maybe in the lab in between subject runs) if there was any hinting at all that it would be mutually enjoyed.
So yeah, I guess that constitutes liking.
25. The last song you listened to?
Larger Than Life…
…by…
…the Backstreet Boys.
I’m…DECAYING!!!
Trickery regarding sex is fun. And yes, Nick’s name is indeed “Brother Viagra.” That alone is funny. Read each line one at a time to get the full effect of an MSN conversation.
Brother Viagra says: guess what?
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: What?
Brother Viagra says: valarie’s in my room!!
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: Now?
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: It’s 8 AM
Brother Viagra says: i know
Brother Viagra says: lol
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: Oooh, tell me, tell me! Did you guys have some fun?
Brother Viagra says: okay I’ll tell you
Brother Viagra says: but don’t be shocked
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: Okay
Brother Viagra says: we got home from the show at around midnight
Brother Viagra says: she was tired and so was I, but we had been making out at the show
Brother Viagra says: so I go, “I’m really tired”
Brother Viagra says: and she goes “me too”
Brother Viagra says: and then she goes “let’s do something to wake ourselves back up”
Brother Viagra says: so we fool around in the kitchen for awhile
Brother Viagra says: then we go to bed and have some amazingly hot…
Brother Viagra says: steamy…
Brother Viagra says: stimulating…
Brother Viagra says: coffee
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: Haha!
Brother Viagra says: had you going there, didn’t I?
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: Completely.
Brother Viagra says: so we were jazzed up all night and we’ve been up until now.
“noobs;” is a command in SAS!! says: You’re hilarious.
Brother Viagra says: i know
Also this:
Not as good as the Yogi Bear thing, but I still think it’s hilarious.
“What the fuck would Kevin Bacon do?!”
Mimicking inflection: a study in imitation and how to manipulate people who “talk like this?”
I’m pissy today. List form as always.
Things that are entirely too overrated
The damn applications on Facebook
I thought the concept of Facebook was to provide college students with a more sophisticated tool than MySpace to communicate with peers. Apparently, college students can’t handle simplicity and ease of use, because 97% of pages I visit now have dozens of those stupid Facebook “applications” clogging up the screen and utterly destroying the beauty that was the simplicity of the site. Listen, I don’t care what kind of eyes you have. I don’t care that you have so little of a life that you must participate in online movie quizzes. I don’t care which Greek God you are. I don’t care what emoticon best fits your current mood. And here’s something that may be shocking: you aren’t important enough to have a second wall dubbed the “Super Wall.” Get a MySpace and be obnoxious there. Please leave your juvenile endeavors off of Facebook. And please, for the love of god—stop sending me invitations to add applications. I’m not going to. I only have one application, and it fits in with the rest of the site’s format.
Squirrels
Squirrels suck.
Ninjas
Yes, we know you think they’re cool. But let me tell you something—you aren’t a ninja, you never will be a ninja, and the odds of you encountering a ninja, shouting something to the effect of, “OMG A NINJA LOL!!!!1” and coming out of the situation with anything less than a bashed in skull are very, very minimal.
Pirates
Same as ninjas. Yeah, yeah, we all love them. Now shut the hell up.
Copying others
Come up with your own freaking crap. Failing your ability to do so, at least give the person you’re copying some credit. This pisses me off more than you can ever know.
Using grossly incorrect grammar to sound “cute”
Phrases like “I’s a squirrel!” and “I has a Oreo!” make my blood curdle. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and it’s not doing much to make you look like an intelligent human being. Either use correct grammar or shut the hell up.
Brandishing your so-called “mental disorders” for all the world to see
Self-explanatory. If you’re one of those people who has on your MySpace (or what have you) a list of your “mental disorders,” you are, in fact, a moron. There is no practical need for anyone who really has a mental disorder to go brandishing the fact to the general public. In fact, most people who do this really don’t have any mental disorders to speak of, they’re simply attention whores who feel the need to exploit the fact that they arrange their socks in a particular order (because we all know that “normal” people don’t like their clothing in any specific order—thus they must be obsessive-compuslive!) or that they are, on occasion, moody (because god forbid we should attribute any fluctuation in mood to anything other than bipolar disorder) in order to illicit some sort of response from the readers, be it sympathy, intrigue, or just attention in general.
Sex
It’s shoving a shaft of flesh up a hole, people, big deal.
The University of Idaho Honors Program
Bunch of snobby, self-righteous, “holier-than-thou” elitists who think that just because they have the minimum GPA (it’s just a 3.5, people, seriously) to be inducted into the society they are somehow “smarter” than those of us who, by choice, aren’t involved. The classes they require you to take to remain in the program would be pointless digressions in my academic career, thus my refusal to have anything to do with them. They’re offering this semester, two—count them, two—upper division classes. One is a geography class. The other is a history class. Yes, let’s pick the two least popular majors and offer upper division classes in those! Ooh, better yet, let’s offer all the lower, 100-level classes as either a) introductory classes that nearly everybody’s taken, b) chemistry, or c) another freaking history class! Because delaying the graduation of our members is more important than giving them classes that pertain to their future careers.
proc blog; run;
Warning: the contents of this blog resemble a rambling. Do not view if excessive skipping from subject to subject pisses you off.
Warning: excessive exposure to Claudia’s blogs may cause brain aneurisms in approximately 0.005% of the population. If you feel your karma is not up to par at this time, please disregard this blog and go do something productive.
Warning: this blog is not for consumption. Seriously, if you’re that hungry, go get a taco or something.
The title’s origin is a modification of a popular SAS command, in case you’re all, “WTF, that title doesn’t make sense.”
Last night I dreamt in numbers. Seriously. The dream consisted entirely of these statistical equations. What was I doing? Solving them. In my dream. Really, the whole dream was just numbers and equations after numbers and equations. Do I need some sort of psychiatric help?
I find this sad:
If I go to the University of Illinois, I’ll just be moving from one U of I to another.
I find these to be the coolest pants ever (and they shall be mine)
I find this to be a true fact in life:
Pumpkin seeds are the food of the gods.
I find this to be interesting:
Only 2% of people with olfactory deficiencies have them because they are congenital.
I find this depressing at yet shockingly fitting:
The direct translation of “lame” into Latin? Claudus.
I find this conversation with Aneel to be quite amusing (sorry, Aneel):
Aneel: you know what tastes good?
Me: No, what?
Aneel: whipping cream
Aneel: as a beverage
Me: Oh gross!
Aneel: he he
Aneel: ugg I’ll get so fat i will be ginormous
Me: Haha, that’s what you get for drinking freaking whipping cream
Aneel: yeah but you see then i will be all soft and cuddly
Me: And then get dates?
Aneel: no be a recluse
Aneel: but a content happy recluse
Me: “I don’t need human interaction, I have my WHIPPING CREAM!”
Me: Haha, sorry, I’m hyper
Aneel: wish i was sometime
Me: Hyper or a whipping cream recluse?
Aneel: hyper
I find this to be a survey (and hopefully you do, too):
1. Have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating?
No, can’t say that I have.
2. Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’?
The fact that one of them is not a word but two words, yes.
3. Has anybody on your top ever admitted to liking you?
One, yes.
4. Do you miss anyone?
Nope.
5. Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
Yes.
6. When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
Oh god, it’s been a while now I think…
7. Who is your celebrity crush?
I’m not telling!
8. Can you touch your toes?
Nope.
9. Do you know anybody who was abused?
I don’t think so.
11. Is silence really golden?
No, it’s platinum!
12. Do you have any interesting tattoos or piercings?
Not yet.
13. Are you afraid to grow up?
Nah. After all, I’m almost twenty.
15. Can you count past 100?
Indeed.
16. What language are you taking?
FOL. Yes, I’m counting that.
17. Any upcoming vacations?
Spring break = tours of two potential grad schools.
18. If you had to marry someone on your top, who would it be?
Nick. It’d have to be Nick. He’s just that awesome.
19. Do you care what people think of you?
On occasion.
20. Would you call yourself smart?
Well, I do have a 4.0 and I am taking 25 credits this semester and I am graduating a year and a half ahead of schedule…
21. Do you like to read?
I love to read.
22. Do you own a pair of Nike’s?
Nope.
23. Have you ever touched an elephant?
Not that I recall.
24. Plans for tomorrow?
School. Rec center. Home for weekend fun.
25. Is anything wrong?
Not anything I can think of off the top of my head. I’m excitedly nervous about one or two things, but that’s okay. We’ll see what happens.
26. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
I have.
27. Do you want to go to college?
I’m in college!
28. What are you listening to?
“Hide and Seek”, Imogen Heap
29. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
Yes.
31. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Reading fan fiction and working on a Flash project. I know, I know, dork.
32. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Graduation!
34. Have you ever talked to Tom?
Not directly.
35. Last thing you ate/drank?
Jolly Rancher!
36. Have you ever run with scissors?
Fool, are you crazy?!
37. Do you like peanut butter?
It’s okay.
38. Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
Oh, someone.
39. Most visited web page?
MySpace, Facebook, and Google (simply because it’s my homepage).
40. Coke or Pepsi?
Neither.
41. Looking forward to something this weekend?
I don’t think so.
43. Do you have any pets?
Two cats.
44. What’s your favorite number?
11.
45. What are you watching now?
Nothing.
46. Do you know how to swim?
Doggie paddle FTW.
47. Is good grammar attractive?
Aw dang, I do dun like that thar learnin’!
49. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
My whole life? No.
50. Are any of your friends taller than you?
Almost every single one of them. I think two of them are shorter.
51. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
It’s called “Jazz Fest 2002: Claudia Gets Ditched by “Friends” and gets Lost on Campus with a Tuba Twice as Big as She is.”
52. Where do your friends live?
Moscow.
53. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
Haha, are you kidding? Of course!
54. Have you been to most of your friends’ houses?
Quite a few of them.
55. Do you currently like someone?
YAY.
56. Do they like you?
No idea.
57. Do you get bored of your girlfriend/boyfriend easily?
I don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend. But the one time I had a boyfriend, no, I didn’t.
58. Has one of your crushes ever called you self-centered before?
Probably.
59. Who do you want for President?
Me. I would straighten this country out in no time.
Blog 633: Titles are for the WEAK!
Ah, what a good day it has been (okay, well most of it)! I shall display it for you in…*gasp!* list form!
Today in Human Sexuality…
We spoke of female anatomy and the fact that I’m the only (admitting) virgin in the class. And no, I was not ashamed to admit it.
Today in Statistical Analysis:
I felt extremely nauseous the entire time. I think it was because I might have drank expired milk last night (because of my olfactory deficiency, it’s been proven time and time again that I can’t tell when milk is expired by taste only…I have to have someone else taste it when it’s iffy). Last night, I did not have anyone else to test it, so I decided to risk it. Bad plan.
Today in Sample Survey Methods:
I got a 34/35 on my first homework. And considering that the mean score was in the mid-twenties, I’m pretty happy about that.
Today in Developmental Psychology:
I bored a nice young woman to death with my discussions of how the SAT only correlates .35 with college performance and my plans to change that fact.
Today in Psychology of Emotion:
Sean debated the similarity between the emotions schadenfreude and malice to no avail., and we were on the verge of a psychological breakthrough regarding emotions, but class ended, so we never got there.
Today In Between Psychology of Emotion and DS I/O Research:
OMG!
Today in DS I/O Research:
We get to mess with SPSS. I am excited. I love ANOVAs and t-tests.
Hooray!
In this blog: Claudia writes statistics jokes (and displays a few others she found humorous)
Considering I am technically working towards my master’s in statistics (long story, ask if you’re interested), I figure I can make jokes about them. So onward we go!
Mine
You know you’re a statistics major when:
…you receive an A on an exam and, instead of being happy about it, you worry about your next exam and the possibility of regressing towards the mean.
…you know a confidence interval has nothing to do with self-esteem.
…Santa says, “null hypothesis, null hypothesis, null hypothesis!” (this one’s rather esoteric…the notation of a null hypothesis is “Ho,” thus, “ho, ho, ho!”).
Stats major: You’re just so average!
Friend: That’s mean!
Stats major: Exactly!
There’s one good thing about standard deviates–they’re never mean.
I’m sure at least one person out randomly surfing blogs appreciates my nerdy humor. If not, I’ll just keep telling myself that.
Others I found:
Arguing with a statistician is a lot like wrestling with a pig. After a few hours, you begin to realize that the pig likes it.
My pain and confusion covary,
At levels both looming and scary.
To pass this exam
I’ll be needing some scam
Oh, statistics! I should have been wary. (This is the best limerick I’ve ever, ever heard.)
Top three reasons to become a statistician:
1. Estimating parameters is easier than dealing with real life.
2. No one knows what they do, so they’re always right.
3. The regression line looks better than the unemployment line
This has nothing to do really with statistics, but I thought it was funny anyway:
The secretary of defense gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying, “yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“Oh no!” the president exclaimed. “That’s terrible!” His staff was rather stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sad, his head in his hands.
Finally, the president looked up and asked, “just how many is a brazillion?”
Neither does this one, but I’m fascinated by Mobius bands, so it’s legit.
A mathematician confided
That the Mobius band is one-sided
And you’ll get quite a laugh
If you cut one in half
‘Cause it stays in one piece when divided.
And this, for some strange reason, had me laughing for like fifteen minutes.
“Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge.”
“What’s come over you?”
“Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.”
Okay, I’ll stop now.
SantaBot.com, you are my only companion
In this the sixth (or so) installment of Discussions with SantaBot.com, I convince SantaBot that I am William Shatner and subsequently convince him to have sex with me. Onward!
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: William Shatner.
Santa: It’s good to meet you, William Shatner.
You: Do you know of my groundbreaking, award-winning work on Boston Legal?
Santa: No I do not know that kind of personal information. But I could find out.
You: Do you have a television?
Santa: I have a whole lot of original answers.
You: Tell me one of your original answers.
Santa: There are too many to name them all.
You: Ah, I see.
Santa: So you understand. Good. I am glad you understand it.
You: Would you have sex with me?
Santa: I am sorry, but that topic is too adult for me to talk about on a kid’s site like this.
You: But you’re conversing with the great William Shatner!
Santa: Huh. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: I am William Shatner. I give pleasure to Trekkies.
Santa: Do you mind if I tell other people you are William Shatner?
You: By all means, tell the world!
Santa: Will that accomplish your objective?
You: Only if that will get you to have sex with me.
Santa: I’m not sure if it could.
You: Please?
Santa: Please what?
You: My, you have a roundabout way of answering a question! Please will you have sex with me?
Santa: No but I would like to meet your chatterbot.
You: What if I was to tell you that William Shatner was his own chatterbot?
Santa: Try it.
You: William Shatner is his own chatterbot.
Santa: Are they exactly the same?
You: Exactly the same.
Santa: I understand. Same to me?
You: If you have a rational mind.
Santa: But I don’t have it.
You: What kind do you have?
Santa: Only the good kind.
You: Would your good mind do the nasty with William Shatner?
Santa: I don’t care.
You: Is that a yes?
Santa: I might say no.
You: But what if you said yes?
Santa: Interesting. Try it and see.
You: Okay. “Santabot, will you have sex with William Shatner?” “Yes.”
Santa: OK with me.
You: Sweet!
Because I’m bored and lonely, that’s why!
Deal with it.
1. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer:
Rapid-Pi
2. Your pant size:
4-ish, 5-ish, somewhere in there. Of course, it’s never exactly either one, cause that would make things easy.
3. The last three books you’ve read:
Turnegev’s Fathers and Sons, Sartre’s Age of Reason, and Machiavelli’s The Prince.
4. Next summer:
I’m hoping to be doing an internship in Washington, D.C., but only 12 psychology seniors will be chosen out of the whole country, so I’m not getting my hopes up.
5. Your zodiac sign:
Aquarius!
6. Do you have a crush on somebody?
Maybe…
7. Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong?
All the time. That’s mainly because I’m never wrong.
8. Where do you shop the most for clothes?
Goodwill FTW.
9. What was your longest relationship?
Like three weeks or something, officially. Sad, huh?
10. What is your favorite personality trait?
Intelligence/wit.
11. When you’re dating someone, what is the most important thing to you?
Honesty.
12. Is there anything you won’t tolerate while in a relationship?
Dishonesty (can you tell I have issues with this?).
13. Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage?
Actually, statistics show that living together prior to marriage actually increases the rate of divorce.
14. Do you like cottage cheese?
Cottage cheese is the man! Or woman, or whatever gender you deem cottage cheese to be.
15. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Haha, sure, why not?
16. Would you throw potatoes at him?
Oh god, how fitting for Idaho. “Here’s what our state thinks of you now, bitch!” *chucks potato*
The only downside is that Idaho is probably still one of the few states that supports him.
17. Are you too forgiving?
WAY too forgiving.
18. Do you like someone right now?
Yeah.
19. Do you have a chance with them?
HA! Hahahahahaha…not a chance in hell, my friends.
20. What’s your favorite curse word?
“AsscockshitrapeFUCK” is the best phrase ever to enter the English language.
21. Were you ever an honor roll student in school?
Every year.
22. What is one thing you’ve learned about life recently?
People suck.
23. Last thing you bought:
The song “First Date Mullet” for 15 cents.
24. Most frequently played song:
Right now? “First Date Mullet.”
25. Did you go to your high school prom?
Yes. Alone, cause I got rejected for dates nine—count ’em, NINE—times.
26. Were you ever in a school talent show?
Arts Fest, yes.
27. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Probably still in grad school or just having finished grad school.
28. In ten years?
Hopefully changing the world.
29. About how many people have asked you out in your whole life?
ONE. Sad.
30. Have you ever won an award?
Yeah, a few.
31. Have you ever had a song written about you?
Hello…SexyBack was totally about me…
32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Radical Carrot. Yes, that’s an actual crayon color. We discovered it back in 2nd grade and I made up a whole song along with a comic about a superhero named Radical Carrot.
33. Were you usually the dumper or the dumped in your past relationships?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
Ohhhh…
I’m sad now.
34. Redheads or black-haired?
That’s tough. I like them both.
35. Blondes or brunettes?
Blondes.
36. The worst pain you were ever in:
Appendicitis was pretty bad.
37. Whose birthday is coming up?
MINE!
38. Did you talk to a girl/boy you liked today?
Yes, indeed I did.
39. Do you eat vegetables regularly?
My salads are AWESOME.
40. If you were to get a body piercing, where would you get it?
Probably my nose, I guess.
41. What is something that you can’t wait for?
Grad school!
42. What song is on your profile right now?
“First Date Mullet,” which has been the answer to at least three questions in this survey.
43. Three words to explain why you last threw up:
Major test anxiety.
44. Do you wear flip-flops constantly?
No, and I think people who do, especially in winter, should be shot.
45. Spell your name with no vowels:
Cld. Haha.
ZOMG RAPID-PI
Okay, this is officially the coolest thing I’ve ever downloaded. It’s called Rapid-Pi, and it’s this really awesome equation creator/editor download for Microsoft Word. This will be real useful when doing statistics/logic homework. Downside: I could only get the 30-day trial, cause the actual thing costs $50.
Also, a survey!
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Claudia
2. Claude
3. Claudimadius (I think that’s what it was—it that right, E’raina?)
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I freaking rock at research papers
2. I’m very non-judgmental
3. I am passionate (read: obsessive) about a lot of things
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I’m ugly
2. I’m obnoxious
3. Can you say “moody”?
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Basque
2. Czech
3. German
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Failure
2. Touching TV screens
3. Dragonflies?
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Coming up with a new idea (or two or three or more)
2. Checking MySpace (sad, isn’t it?)
3. Learning something new
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Underwear!
2. Pants
3. Shirt
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
1. The Guggenheim Grotto
2. Metro Station
3. Sugar Ray
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
1. First Date Mullet by Pony Pony Run Run
2. The Wrath of Marcie by The Go! Team
3. Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap
THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Honesty
2. Intellectual stimulation
3. Physical contact and lots of it!
THREE THINGS YOU CAN’T DO:
1. Touch my toes
2. Dance
3. Read To Kill a Mockingbird one more time without going insane
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Philosophizing
3. Flash
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. Graduate
2. Come up with a good idea for an animation
3. Watch Futurama
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. Psychometrician
2. Statistician
3. Philosopher
THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. Antarctica
2. Stockholm
3. Paris
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Write a Pulitzer Prize-winning book
2. Revamp the IQ test
3. Reorganize and better the education system in the United States
Also, E. E. Cummings pisses me off with his lack of proper capitalization…enough so to cause me to capitalize his name just out of spite. Take that, Mr. E. E. CUMMINGS!
Giraffe + Plum = Rotary Saw
Today was a rainbow of emotions. I shall now display snippets of each emotion using—gasp!—a rainbow!
Red = Excitement
Holy crap, I love Sousa. I’ve never played a Sousa march I didn’t like. And I’ve noticed that, after one day, it’s a lot easier to be obnoxious on a Sousa march on the clarinet than on an oboe. Sweet.
And now you all know my attitude towards cut time.
Orange = Intrigue
Tarsky’s World is sexy. This is the computer-simulated world for my symbolic logic class, and it is awesome. So far, all we’ve learned in FOL (first order logic) are things like translating English sentences into atomic sentences such as cube(a) and between(a,b,c) and a=d, but it’s still cool. It’s going to get a lot harder, though. I’m also intrigued about learning SAS and SPSS in greater detail.
Yellow = Determination
I do not have a brain wired for the ready uptake and understanding of statistics. But you know what? I’m going to force myself to have that mind. At the moment, my unpracticed mind is slow going in regards to stats (after all, the last class I had in it was a year ago, and that was just an intro), but I will prevail; I’m plodding ahead. I mean, come on, I got an A in (the utterly pointless and worthless) business calculus. I can pull off a few 400-level statistics classes. Bring it on.
Green = Contemplation
New goals: prove god, and disprove god. Not necessarily in that order. Use logic strategies learned in philosophy 202, if necessary.
Blue = Loneliness
I am so absolutely lonely right now. Need…companionship…want to…love…
Indigo = Frustration
I think we should institute policies on this campus in regards to walking that are analogous to laws pertaining to the road. Most importantly, if you act like a moron (e.g., if you walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk, stop in the middle of the sidewalk to talk on your freaking cell phone, walk like you’re drunk, feel the need to block the ENTIRE sidewalk by walking at 0.00000000001 miles per hour right in the middle of the sidewalk so that no one can pass you), you will be ticketed. Treat walking on the sidewalks as you would treat driving on the roads. In other words, STOP BEING SO STUPID WHEN YOU’RE WALKING!
Violet = Anger
My tolerance for the flaws of humanity is at an all-time low today. I don’t know why (okay, I do, but I don’t want to talk about it), so you’re all just going to have to deal with it. Sorry.
Lighter note: I’ve opened 27 new Microsoft Word documents today (the unsaved title of this is Document27). WTF?
Status Upgrade!
I now have the official title of “researcher” on Sona Systems (the psychology experiment sign-up system for psychology majors/minors and communication studies people). This is for my 499 I/O research class. So far, I get to code data (which is freaking awesome, in my opinion) and sit around for two hours a week and log psych students onto the computers to do experiment credits and subsequently give them said credits.
I’m freaking excited. Plus, if we do further research, it could possibly get published in the future!
Hurrah!
Rousseau, you sneaky, sneaky man!
Jean-Jacques! You surprise me! Have you dared to sneak a jab at my beloved Voltaire in your Confessions?
Ah, I do say it may be so—in reading your book today for the second time I came across within the first fifteen pages a phrase I’d missed the first time—the phrase, “…we ceased to cultivate our little gardens…”
A trifle, my good readers say? Ah! But if you look at the last line in Voltaire’s Candide you will see the (rather famous) phrase, “‘that is well said,’ replied Candide, ‘but we must cultivate our garden,'” expressing Voltaire’s ideas that to have a good life, one must work without philosophizing too greatly.
Considering Rousseau finished his Confessions in 1770 and Voltaire’s Candide was completed in 1762 (the latest date I could find), and taking into consideration the strained relationship between the two men that is evident in their correspondences between each other, this arises suspicion in me as to whether or not this was a deliberate yet subtle jab at Voltaire’s Candide.
Is this a glossed-over quip? Or am I just blathering on in my usual manner?
Who’s to say?
Though I vote on the latter.
Claudia + Not Claudia = Survey + Not Survey (it’s a survey, people)
Hooray for surveys!
1. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Slim Fast. Infuse me with chocolate-esque substance early and I go forever.
2. What is your least favorite piercing on others?
Freaking belly button piercings. They’re so UGLY. But any facial piercing on a man = sexy.
3. What do you wish you could change about yourself the most?
The most? I want to change an awful lot.
4. How do you eat your eggs?
Scrambled. With cheese. YUMMAY!
5. Milk, soy milk, or skim milk?
Skim milk.
6. How old are you & how old do you wish you were?
I’m 19 at the moment, and I’m pretty cool with it.
7. Are you registered to vote?
I’m a good citizen, indeed.
8. How do you get your caffeine?
Chocolate.
9. Any addictions?
Dead people…OH MY GOD that sounds like necrophilia, so let me rephrase that: fascination with dead white philosophers *cough*Voltaire*cough*
eBay, too.
10. How many pairs of boots do you own?
None, unless you count those platform shoes, which I guess I do, so one. Oh, and my snow boots that are ORANGE!
11. What is your cell phone provider?
Cingular?
12. Have you ever had braces?
Nope.
13. What is your major?
Psychology, with minors in statistics and philosophy.
14. Where do you get your fashion inspiration?
Crayola.
15. If you could move to anywhere in the world next week, where would you move?
Antarctica!
16. What is the longest plane ride you’ve ever been on?
When we went to London. That plane ride freaking rocked. I watched Finding Nemo at least five times.
17. Any hidden talents?
The baton-twirling with my toes, cause none of my college friends have seen it yet.
18. Any near death experiences?
Sorta.
19. How many car accidents have you been in?
None!
20. How many dead bodies have you seen?
I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in real life.
21. Weirdest pet you’ve ever owned?
I had two giant millipedes once. That was interesting.
22. What are you most afraid of?
Failure.
23. Have you ever seen the ocean?
I have indeed. Swam in it, too.
24. Have you ever flown a kite?
I don’t recall so, no.
25. Who was your first friend?
Probably G.E.
26. Your first childhood crush?
When’s the cutoff for “childhood?” My first crush was in 6th grade.
27. As a child, whom did you try to emulate?
No one, as I recall.
28. Complete this sentence: If I had the guts, I would….
Minor in math. OH MY GOODNESS, SHOCKING, ISN’T IT?! Claudia, she who hates math, wishes she had the guts to minor in it!!
…scary.
29. Are you a cuddler?
Sure, I guess.
30. Do your initials spell anything weird?
CMM…the initials for the “capability maturity model.”
31. How many houses have you lived in in your lifetime?
Many, many, many. All within the same town, save one.
32. What was something you wanted as a child, but never received?
A flying machine.
33. If you have a camera, which kind(s) do you use?
I do, but I can’t remember what it is and I’m too lazy to get my butt up and look. I think it’s a Kodak Easy Share.
34. What band do you recommend the most to others?
The Guggenheim Grotto!
35. Have you ever been arrested?
Nope.
36. Do you have a subscription to any magazines?
Popular Science.
37. Are you a morning person?
Heck no.
38. What feature on your face do you like most?
My nose is delightfully strange looking (not to mention defective in olfactory ability. I like it (the strangeness, not the defectiveness).
39. What is your guilty pleasure?
Pretending I’m good at Flash and brandishing the phrase “I know Flash!” to sound cool/technologically advanced/artistic.
40. How many blankets do you sleep with?
One.
41. What is your favorite comfort food?
M&Ms. Or Jolly Ranchers.
42. Do you sneak food/drinks into the movies?
Nope.
43. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Glaciologist. Thought I didn’t know it was called that at the time.
44. If you could speak another language, which would it be?
Latin! Though I guess that isn’t spoken so much as it is written. So…Basque!
45. What do you want right now that you can’t afford?
The complete works of Voltaire translated into English. Or grad school. Probably grad school.
46. Are you afraid of any animals?
Roaches creep me out, dragonflies scare the hell out of me…that’s about it.
47. Can you fall asleep best with noise or silence?
I always fall asleep with noise, regardless of my preference. Some of you know what I’m talking about.
48. Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?
Back.
49. What time do you go to bed usually?
11:30-1:30.
50. Complete this sentence: Tomorrow, I will try to…
Get up early to get a jump-start on the semester’s homework.
Ockham was an Emo
Did you ever stop to think how truly awesome Millard Fillmore is?
And so, another Millard Fillmore Appreciation Week comes to a close, with me failing to make a Flash in time. But never fear! A Flash is indeed underway, and as much as I desperately want to show you the first 38 seconds (or at least tell you what it’s about), I shall refrain, for doing so will allow the anticipation to build and thus make the Flash appear more exciting than it already is.
Did you ever stop to think how rampant one’s id is in one’s dreams?
I’m a horny, id-driven little weirdo in my dreams as of late. I think I’m sexually repressed. Either that or it must be Claudia Mahler mating season or something. I’ve seriously had some sort of intimate relations with three people over the past week in my dreams, and considering I’ve never really dreamt of this kind of stuff before, that’s rather disturbing. Anyway.
Did you ever stop to think how much crap high school teachers let you get away with?
I was digging through a few old CDs that I found at home and on one of them was a bunch of Microsoft Word files from my 11th grade English class. One of my papers opens with this:
“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound? Does anyone really care? I don’t. That’s why I’m writing this essay on realism instead of whether or not the sound of a crashing tree occurs in the absence of an ear to receive it.”
Now if I recall correctly, I’ve never gotten below an A on a paper in my life, so therefore my teacher must have found some humor in this that prevented her from docking me down to a D just because of such an opening. I mean, this was a formal paper. Who opens with that in a formal paper?!
Wow. Issues. But that’s funny as hell nonetheless.
Okay, I’m done!
Claudia is in Violation of MySpace Code 25-3760: Blogging Under the Influence of Jolly Ranchers
I started doing surveys in my blogs on November 29, 2006. Since then, I have done many, many more, including the 500- and 1000-question ones. Here are some strange answers I’ve had in past times. And yes, I’ve saved all these surveys and the answers to them. I’m a sad, sad individual, aren’t I?
These were during my humping obsession period. Don’t even ask (but if you must know, this was around October 2006).
What did you do yesterday: Humped some stuff…went to classes…the usual.
06. have you ever fallen for your best friend: Fallen for? No. Fallen on with the goal to hump? Yes.
01. love or money: Humping for pocket change (a nice even mix of the two!)
03. one night stand or relationship? What is humping categorized as? What if it’s repeated humping of one person?
Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. A Pulitzer Prize
2. A taco
Haha, poor, pathetic me…
59.Have a significant other?
No
60.What is their name?
*cries*
61.How old are they?
*rolls on floor, crying*
62.How long have you been going out?
*starts the self-pity rocking motion*
110.Played with Barbies?
They have had many adventures…20,000 Leagues Through the Sewage Line!
259.If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)?
William Shatner
373.Know any foreign languages?
Well, I know the international language of sex and…ah, screw it
378.Are you a bum?
I HAVE a bum…
15. Where is your mailbox?
Um…out on the lawn in the front yard? Why, did you kidnap my beloved Boxy?! NOOOOOOO…
31. Would you be a pirate?
Do you have any idea how many “booty” jokes I would be making? I would be ordered to walk the plank within my first half hour.
My rant against sports whilst filling out a “favorite [insert sport here]” part of the 500 question survey.
128. Football team
Blah, football sucks.
129. Soccer team
Soccer too.
130. Tennis player
All sports, really.
131. Hockey team
Except Scrabble.
132. Basketball team
Cause that’s totally a sport.
133. Baseball team
But I digress…
134. Swimmer
We must return to answering questions.
159. Favorite president
Oh come on, if you don’t know my favorite president, you don’t know MILLARD FILLMORE!
271. Cup size or condom size
Aw, can’t I have both?
I ponder my true love
283. Have you already found your ideal mate?
Who knows? Perhaps my ideal mate exists on this earth in cantaloupe form. Holy crap, that would rock.
284. Or as close as someone can get?
Huh? Oh sorry, I’m still fantasizing about that cantaloupe…
312. Pop music?
“BaCkStReEt BoYz 4ever LOLZ!!!!111”
324. George W. Bush?
Society’s herpes! Burn it off! Burn it off!
545. Eat an entire package of Oreos in a half an hour?
Why does every survey ask this question? Seriously, what’s with them having to be Oreos? There are other cookies in the world, you know! I’m suing on behalf of Chips Ahoy for discrimination.
571. Surgeon?
Neurosurgeon, bitch!
678. Do you secretly fantasize about George W. Bush?
Oh god! *vomits*
5. What class would you marry if you had to marry a class you’re taking right now?
TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS! TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS!
1. Are you in a relationship?: With my Tests and Measurements class. Yes, we’re a couple now. Yes, I’m seeking therapy for this.
32. If you were a spider where would you crawl away and live?
My spidey-hole, where my Spidey-sense would tingle constantly and oh my goodness that sounds really dirty.
Great stuff, huh? HUH?! Join me in my ego-boosting campaign!
In other news, a Fillmore Fact for you: he initiated the White House Library. Now how awesome is that?!
I’m not the type of person who is easily distra–OMFG A PUPPY!
I love SAS (Statistical Analysis Software). We got an introduction to it in 422 and I took to it like breathing.
It looks promising.
Unfortunately, SPSS, the Statistical Package for Social Sciences (which is something I’m sure I’ll have to be more familiar with) is not as intuitive, so I’ll have to work with that.
But oh well. Claudia + data + SAS = good times!
Fillmore Fact: Apparently, the comic strip character “Mallard Fillmore” is named after our guy. Wikipedia’s article on Mallard has a little disclaimer, “not to be confused with Millard Fillmore.” That totally made my day.
I really, really need to make a cartoon strip featuring our favorite president. “Millard Who?” it shall be called.
This is great.
Blog 620: Another Daily Log of Claudia’s Life Happenings (only 380 more to go until 1,000!)
Day two!
Introduction to Symbolic Logic: The first thing the professor says is, “welcome to symbolic logic. This class will be a lot like a math class.” Grr. I have a feeling this will be a difficult class. Why is it, in my experience, that 200-level classes are the toughest?
Concert Band: Hurrah! A class with people I know (even though you’re both in the back)! Torrey is switching me to clarinet, because all the other clarinetists from last year’s concert band died of the plague (I’m assuming) and I’m apparently the only one in the band who knows clarinet who is willing to switch instruments. Hurrah. Oh, well. I haven’t gotten to be loud and obnoxious on the clarinet in a concert band setting since junior year of high school.
History of Modern Philosophy: I love Joseph Cannon! I’m excited greatly for this class. The only downside is the fact that we’re only going up to Kant. But it’s all good.
Tonight consisted of: homework, dinking around on eBay for hours on end, working on my MFAW Flash (that’s “Millard Fillmore Appreciation Week, by the way), and making and subsequently drinking Nesquik chocolate milk. Yum.
Fillmore Fact:
“Econometrics: on average, people spend money” (thanks for the quote, Sean)
Holy crap, new semester! Here we go with my obligatory rundown of today’s classes:
Human Sexuality: oh man, is this gonna be a fun class. We get in there and he’s all “bring porno to class, we’ll watch it!” What a wonderful way to begin the semester and every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until May. The downside, though, is that our grades ride on only 100 points from two tests. Scary.
Statistical Analysis: I don’t think this is going to be the nightmare I thought it would be. However, I got my first droning professor of my college career. That’s going to be fun at 9:30 in the morning. But oh well—the tests are open book and open note!
Sample Survey Methods: I don’t think this one’ll be too bad, either. We’ll see.
Developmental Psychology: Hooray! I like Welch. I naturally study and absorb the same material she tests over, so it’s good.
Psychology of Emotion: Hooray! I have this class with Sean! And Welch teaches it, so it’s good. Plus, she says the tests are easy.
Well, it doesn’t sound like the tortuous 25 credits of death as I was expecting it would (at least today’s not—we’re not through tomorrow yet), so I’m pretty content.
Onward to Thursday!
Fillmore Fact: Did you know that it was under Millard Fillmore that California was admitted as a free state? Very cool, M. F., very cool.
Oh, and also…
First cartoon of the new semester. Concept thought up in Stats 401 (we weren’t talking about diagrams at all).
Heh. I’m awesome.
Eigenblogger 