You can lead Godot and Vladimir and Estragon, but you can’t make him show up
Lesson of the day: Friends don’t let dorky friends carve pumpkins.
Alternatively: Aaron and I should not carve pumpkins together.
He carved his, pumpkin pi, by hand with no reference. Badass.
I love this one picture we took because you can see practically everything dorky we have around the house. You can see the Rock Band drums and a Rock Band guitar on the table, the window’s covered by a blanket ‘cause we STILL don’t have blinds, Lanky’s playing Zelda on the Wii (except you can’t see the big ass TV), the router’s got like 5 wires coming out of it…what a fun house.
Happies
So.
Best road trip ever.
Today Lanky, Aaron and I drove up to Missoula to meet Aaron’s mom and all get piercings (well, Lanky can’t, but the rest of us can). Unfortunately, there was this huge semi crash on the road up from Idaho Falls, so his mom couldn’t meet us up there (therefore we drove right back after everything instead of staying the night like we were going to).
But we got our piercings anyway; Aaron got a tragus and I got an industrial. It’s badass, and I’ll post a picture as soon as it’s not bleeding profusely. Then we went to some random store and I bought the “Sexual Innuendo” and “Romance” sets of magnetic words. In the car, we sang Rock Band songs as well as some other classics (What is Love, Bras on 45, The Bad Touch) and tried not to crash the car.
We got home, made naughty phrases on the fridge, and had a stripping contest.
Very, very fun.
I have the best roommates in the world
God, my roomies are freaking great. So it has now been determined that Friday nights must be spent going to the dollar store and getting noodles at Mongolian BBQ. Along with a lot of other strange perverted stuff that we probably shouldn’t be doing but are doing anyway.
Why didn’t I ever meet Lanky before this? And who would have thought that Sean’s brother could be just as cool as Sean, but in a completely different way?
Yay.
These blog titles need more sexual euphemisms
Yay! Happy birthday, Matt!
Your party = awesome. :)
You = awesome, too.
That is all.
Two Sentences
I freaking love this house.
That is all.
Woo!
YAY FIRST DRAG SHOW OF THE SEMESTER!!!
Super fun, as per usual. Luckily the boys were all out of the living room when I came back.
I’m hoping I’ll be able to perform before I leave Moscow forever. Because I WILL leave Moscow forever.
Yeah.
Drunk people are great
Wow, I love living in this house. Tonight my roommates got drunk and we played Rock Band, in that order.
I’ve never seen somebody drum a 92% on medium and then, after the song’s over, be uncoordinated enough to fall off the drumming chair. Awesome. I hope the rest of the semester’s this sweet.
Death by the Demise of the Moon
Damn you, Rob, I spent my entire night researching glitter because of you!
The initial conversation in a nutshell:
Rob and I were walking to Shari’s tonight and out of nowhere he goes something to the effect of, “it would be really cool to embed glitter into the road pavement.” So we talk about that for a little while, until I theorize this idea of all this loose glitter being picked up by a tornado and how absolutely brutal a tornado like that would be (fake CNN article on this idea coming soon). Then we got talking about what glitter was made of. So tonight I decided to do a little glitter research.
And the rest must be explained via Messenger logs:
And the Wiki page on glitter is hilarious
“Glitter is commonly used in craft projects, especially for small children and sorority women”
LOL
That is one fact of life I was unaware of
Here is the site for a company that specializes in glitter manufacturing. Yes, you read that right: a company that specializes in glitter manufacturing: http://www.meadowbrookinventions.com
Hahaha, there’s a conflict over when it was invented
That must be a heated debate right there
It’s like Leibniz/Newton, but with glitter
Precision cut glitter
Seriously, who is that anal about glitter?
It’s glitter, you either throw it or stick it to something
This glitter site advocates decorating a mosque with glitter
A MOSQUE
Glitter has no place in religion!
lol
“MY religion sparkles brighter than YOUR religion!”
This website is hilarious
They’ve got this picture of a little girl who looks like she’s huffing the glitter
The safety data is HILARIOUS
“Ingestion: seek medical attention”
Eat glitter and DIE!
“Explosion .. not available”
“Product is stable under normal atmospheric conditions”
Haha, they make it sound like it’s Plutonium or something
OH MY GOD GLITTER BACKGROUNDS FOR THE COMPUTER
MUST HAVE
Oh good lord, the Angelina Fibers look like out of control angora bunnies
I think I see an eye in this one
Yeah. Glitter = amazing.
“No TV and no internet make Claudia something something…”
We’ve been without internet for about 4 days. That’s enough to drive us both insane. Sean’s been trying to steal WiFi off of the neighbors, but they’ve got them all password protected.
So we walked to the library tonight to get a few quality hours of internet in, then walked back and hung out. It was very nice.
But we really need internet.
Getting set up in a new house…that’s something I haven’t done like 16 times already…
New room = set up. Also, we now have a shower curtain, dishwashing soap, sponges, a broom, and about 1/5 of the dishes from Sean’s washed. We also set up Sean’s “entertainment center/bed/desk” combo thing last night after he got back from work, something that is NOT a two-person job. It didn’t help that we put one side on backwards and the pieces weigh like 200 pounds a piece.
But yay! I live off campus and out of my parents’ house now. Finally.
MSN Messenger is not an appropriate substitute for a life
I should not be left alone in a house. Just to let you know. Not a good idea. This is what happens to my brain:
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Well, ok… I can see the point of a vague question… sorta… but for a personality test?
Mobius Striptease says: It can work if it’s worded right
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Yeah, but the kind of question I think you are being asked, it needs to be fairly obvious what they mean… not like an audio question that says “Expand the following sentence: ‘Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo'”
Mobius Striptease says: That’s a good question for a projective test
Jacob: Computer Geek says: in audio form?
Mobius Striptease says: Sure, it’d work
Jacob: Computer Geek says: you’re nuts
Mobius Striptease says: Thanks
Mobius Striptease says: Seriously, asking about buffalo sentences through headphones…how is that more crazy than showing people blots of ink?
Mobius Striptease says: Rorschach: the Audio Edition!
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Oh god
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha, that’d be AMAZING
Mobius Striptease says: I need to propose the Audio Rorschach as soon as I get my PhD
Mobius Striptease says: Haha, and have said PhD promptly taken away from me
Jacob: Computer Geek says: lol
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Them: “So, how’d you come up with this test?” You: “Oh, I was sitting nude at my computer talking to a guy friend, who also happened to be nude at his computer, through an instant messaging client, we were discussing tests, and we just spontaneously birthed the idea”
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha
Mobius Striptease says: “Here’s a Nobel Prize for you!”
Mobius Striptease says: That would be the best thing ever
Jacob: Computer Geek says: lol
Mobius Striptease says: Them: “Tell us how this test was developed” Me: “I took some speed and my friend gave me a microphone in which to yell. Honestly, there are no real meanings in that jibberish”
Best idea ever.
PROVERBS GONE WILD
Today I present to you: “PROVERBS GONE WILD” (or, “Jacob and I should not be allowed to message each other after 4 AM”).
- If a sound falls in a tree and no one is around, does it make a forest?
- You can lead a drink to water, but you can’t make him horse
- What’s the hand of one clap sounding?
- A doctor a day keeps the apple away
- Evil is the root of all money
- The bigger they fall, the harder they are
- First served, first come (dirty as HELL)
- That which does not make us stronger kills us
- Contempt breeds familiarity
- A hard man is good to find (hahaha, this one’s my favorite)
Oh, and a really pathetic stats joke. Because I’m just that way.
END!
Oh, MSN Messenger…
MSN is fun. And since I have nothing else to blog about today because work sucks and life is boring, you get some random snippets of my conversations with people. The last two are probably the most interesting. And I have no idea what’s up with all the drug references. I’m in red, other random people I allow to speak are in blue.
I see naked women patterns in the brains in my display pic
I’ve had too much sugar
so what are you up to tonight?
Using all my willpower to resist going back to the I Hate Butterflies forums
Item response theory can go suck it
Renal failure FTW!
Metalocalypse rehab center = necessary
The possible metaphysical ramifications of the existence of god do not affect whether or not I’m going to get an Otter Pop after work. I seriously wish they did, but they don’t
I’m still torn between Leibniz and Voltaire…but Leibniz is winning ’cause his wig is more ostentatious
“Vaaaaaagiiiiiiiiiiina! Vaaaagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina!”
God needs to write a “How To Win Arguments by Failing To Argue The Point” book
Lips placed provocatively on lollipop = freaking hard to draw
Nick and I
Hot Pockets make me want to conquer Europe
have you ever had a hot pocket?
No
But I’ve never wanted to conquer Europe, either
Therefore that’s the only conclusion that can be drawn
lol, wow, that symbolic logic class really cleared up your thought processes
Hahahaha
are you high?
High on life!
And, you know, crack
Stop reading peer review journals and go buy some erotica
Sean and I take a five-factor personality test online and compare our results
So you’re always complaining that I’m emo…why are you sending me emo music?
hey, I scored a 71 on anger, don’t you contradict me!
“Your level of positive emotions is low”
That depresses me
Your interpretation of my anger issues is PISSING ME OFF
These are all Jacob and I
um, wait… you get AROUSED when the class scedules come out?
Well, as much as *I* can get aroused, I guess
I need help, don’t I?
um, yeah
There isn’t much that leaves me speechless… that statement just did
Who needs sex when I’ve got a PLANNER?
Maybe I’ll write a story on how this song makes me want to do LSD
Haha
Math rock: my anti-drug…except it makes me want to get high
I want to lick the chocolate off of the nude Swede, who wouldn’t?
Woah, I almost typed that into the wrong chat window…
I know you named your sexual organs… but did you name your breasts?
Newton and Leibniz
Heh
My boobs co-invented calculus
Or invented it independently of each other, rather
The jiggly ones have BRAINS
Hahaha
“It’s not good for tits to be that far from brains”
And this is probably the only time that I can ever use that Metalocalypse quote
My shuffle loves to mess with my head
Like yesterday it went through like five songs involving candy right in a row
I just don’t get why love’s always a candy comparison…I guess it makes sense, but what about the other food groups?
“Bread n’ Butter” would work as a love song, but I guess something like “Beefcake, Beefcake” would not top the charts
Wow, I never really realized how depressing the song You are My Sunshine is
lol
“I love you so much…oh crap, you’re leaving…and I still love you…here’s a guitar solo”
heh
“You have left me to love another, you have shattered all my dreams”
Emo
I love this song now
HAHA
You could totally write this out as a threat letter to the person who dumped you…”you’ll regret it all someday”
I hadn’t heard it in the longest time, then shuffle landed on it
But the next song was Louie Louie, so I recovered
Damn you, Maggie!
mmm… pickles….
Haha
Is it sad that Pickles the drummer from Dethklok was the first thing that came to mind?
I need help
haha! That makes it REALLY dirty!
I know!
Man, I want some pickles…
the food, or the drummer?
Both would be nice
So.. if I like little pickles… does that make me a pedophile?
Hahahahaha
‘cuz I have some tasty little pickles in the fridge right now…
Gah! The imagery!
I wonder how many pickles I can fit in my mouth…
Oh good lord
Why, why, why???
‘cuz it’s FUN!
Holy crap! This pickle squirted juice all the way across the room when I squeezed it!
If I comment, I only encourage you
Last night I overdosed on M&Ms and went insane. This is Jacob and I.
Is that another metalocalypse quote, or did you eat some ‘shrooms?
So here’s a question…why does the official Scrabble dictionary include words that are impossible to play in Scrabble?
Like “fizz”
?
There’s only one Z tile
Use a blank tile
But what about words with more than two Z’s?
It lists “zzz”
there are two blank tiles aren’t there?
I guess you could use both, yeah
But I know there were words in that dictionary that need more than two blank tiles and the letter
I now have a mission
First part of mission: find where I put the Scrabble dictionary
heh
second part?
Find a word that can’t be played
Third part: blog about it
Fourth part: laugh
lol
“Zyzzyva”–can be played, but what the fuck?
How many people–excluding American weevil enthusiasts–could just drop that word on the board without looking in the dictionary?
Syzygy
Is that the confluence of celestial bodies?
Indeed it is
Very good, no one knows what the hell that means
that is a FUN word to say
It is!
and that’s just about the only reason I rememberd
Haha, it’s like Lynyrd Skynyrd was allowed to put a word into the dictionary
Tubular Pasta = best band name ever
lol
The lead singer could write under the name “Manicotti” or something
Hahahaha, a “penne” name!!
Oh god, I had way too much sugar
This song is too slow! Claudia wants metal!
You sound like you’re on crack
M&Ms: my anti-durg
Hahaha, drug, not durg
Point not proven
Hahaha, “I’m shipping off to Boston…TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!!!”
This song shall climb my playlist quickly
heh
what’s it called, and who is the artist?
I’m Shipping Up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphys
BAGPIPES
I know!
AWESOMENESS
I’ve never heard such an upbeat song regarding amputation
If I ever get a body part amputated, I’m going to write a techno song about it
lol
Or just, you know, rewrite the lyrics of Dropkick Murphy’s song and just have it a blatant rip off
lol
“I’m shipping down to Boise…TO FIND MY WOODEN ARM!”
Yeah. I’m nuts.
Holy crap, no more dorms!
Hooray!
I am now officially on the lease with Sean and the others. What does that mean? That means that next semester’s housing situation is going to rock. I hung out with Sean today for the twenty minutes I had left on my lunch break (after we attempted to sign…long story). It was awesome. I missed him.
Oh, and we decided that it was totally metal for Socrates to drink hemlock. We also decided that it was Archimedes who invented the Cuisinart so that the hemlock could be blended into drink form.
Yeah. We’re amazing.
The Pitfalls of MSN Messenger
Today you get a little snippet of a conversation between Nick (“Philos”) and I (“Math Rock…”) because I have nothing else to blog about.
Philos says: son of a bitch my colon isn’t working
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Um, I’m sorry
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Maybe you should go to the doctor
Philos says: no no no
Philos says: on the keyboard
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Ohhh, THAT colon
Philos says: LOL
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: Hahaha, wow, I fail
Philos says: that was hilarious
Math Rock: My Anti-Drug. Sort Of. says: I think the doctor should take a look at your semicolon, too—I heard if that stops working you have serious problems
Philos says: bahahahaha
Silly MSN Conversations with Maggie
Haha, Maggie, we are weird people when we get on MSN Messenger together.
For some reason I decided to read our message history tonight. Here are some of our more random, um, “conversations.” Maggie’s in blue, I’m in red.
hi, i’m wearing pants!
Aloha! I’m wearing tacos!
Oh noes! They’ll still stone you!
so I’ll be stoned?
The bad kind, not the fun kind!
Coming back up, are you? (forgive how sexual that sounds)
yay cookies.
Oh yes. Yes yes yes.
good time to do laundry, i guess.
or maybe it’s a plot of the penguins
Prime mating time, perhaps??
hmmm do the penguins require washing machines to mate?
Reminds them of shifting glaciers
ah
so the penguins are ordering me to do laundry at two AM because they’re all horny?
Heck, if I were a penguin, that’s what I’d be doing
heck, that’s what i’d be doing even if i weren’t a penguin…
I think I’ll be purple for a while…
Purple=sex!
yay sex!
I basically have a grab bag of insanity for my classes (this was last spring, when I was only taking 20 credits. Haha, I had no idea what I had in store for myself later…)
I’d do Amazon
And I’d buy the book from there, too
But it’s HUMP DAY!
and the ones who get offended if something you say is even *slightly* sexual?
OMG THATS SEXUAL YOUR TEH ANTYCRIST
those people need to die.
A horrible, penis-filled death
why does the phrase “penis-filled death” make me laugh?
Cause it’s got the words “penis” and “filled” in it and they’re both funny words when put together?
I want a penis-filled death
Or life
need distraction from brain… AUGH!
Sounds like a good reason to go milk pirates (in reference to the Hebrides songs we played last spring. Haha, wow, this sounds really disturbing without that reference…well, I guess “even more disturbing” I should say).
The most I’ve ever truly done in a math class was draw a little flip book of a stick figure tripping over pi
I spent geometry making fun of perfect squares and got detention for it
“Why aren’t there perfect hexagons LOL” kind of crap
I totally deserved detention
I have this sudden desire to go streaking down my hall…
With all the poking we’ve been doing on Facebook, shouldn’t we have crapped out a combined 200 or so kids by now?
I cannot arrest children for being rude.
what a lame rule.
I totally arrest children for that all the time
I think I’d like to die in the making of the bonfire that destroys the Sistine Chapel…
that could be fun.
omg jesus’ ass is on f–*bursts into flames*
If I die doing that, I want the full description of what I was doing on my tombstone…
Done
hey, i just realized that my week started today…
Ah
Happy MMSAP!
that’s a fun acronym…
sounds like a bad song…
Like MMMBop!!
Foooood yaa
German, yaa
I didn’t know studying Islam made me speak with “yaa” at the end of each sentence
Yaa
well, try not to let Islam destroy thine mind.
take a RAB break.
I just might
And then I’ll DO SOME MOTHERFUCKIN’ DRUGS!
I’m staring at pictures of naked people with pizza.
while listening to the Canticle of the Virgin Mary.
Irony?
Does constipation cause arousal?
and can arousal cause constipation?
Haha “Oh god honey that was so amaz–oh, hold on. Laxative time.”
All of these are from the night we spent in Ridenbaugh before going down to Boise.
I want to (flap) you (the “(flap)” was a little animated stick figure flapping his penis around. Just FYI.)
LOL
LOL
LOL
LOL
STFU I try to do flash!
Your music sucks!
I know, I know!
Turn your damn music off, hippie!
You’re no fun, George!
My teeth are wooden, what do you want!?!?!
Why aren’t you people talking to me?!
I’m right here!
LOL
THAT IS NOT A SUFFICIENT RESPONSE! I HATE YOU!
I still want to (flap) you
I want to play truth or dare, does that mean I’m a preteen?
wifey
wifey!
wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey!! wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey
Shut the hell up!
Good times. We’ll definitely have to hang out in Ridenbaugh before we go down to wherever the hell we’re going this year. Yay!
Waiter! There’s an Ego in my Eggo!
(Two years later edit: hahaha, ignore all this. What drama we lived in back then, eh?)
Ah, I hate it when this kind of thing happens.
I was going to leave this alone, I was going to let it all just go on, but recent events have, shall we say, forced my blogging hand, and therefore there will be a blog about it now from me. Just one, so that I can state my stance, then I’ll drop it.
Put it simply, I hate it when my friends have disagreements and stop talking to one another. It depresses me and causes tension, not to mention shoots a couple of my plans for the end of the semester to hell. For the record, I’m not saying “you all need to be friends again and love each other, etc., etc.!” I know the situation, I know the circumstances, and, thanks to frequenting the table as much as I’ve been doing, have heard it from many peoples’ perspectives. I have my opinions but they will remain silent because, hey, they’re just my opinions and have no value here whatsoever. What’s done is done.
That being said, here’s point two: I plan on remaining friends with all parties involved. That’s it, end of story. I know this might make one or more of you mad (or it may not—nobody’s really said anything about that), but it’s what I’m going to do. I was friends with all of you before this started, and I’m going to remain friends with all of you now that it’s happened. If any of you have an issue with this, please tell me, ‘cause I’d like to know. It’s either going to be all of you or none of you if issues flair up (I am not choosing sides, forget it), and I’d much prefer it to be all of you, as the “none of you” option would leave me pretty much friendless when marching band starts up again in the fall, and that would suck.
I will remain a sounding board for any of you who need to talk/complain/vent about things (related to this or in general), but keep in mind that that applies to all of you. My friendship with all parties will continue on, and I’m not going to apologize for it if it turns out that that’s a problem.
I will, for the sake of this situation, remain entirely neutral; I just thought it necessary for me to let you know where I stood. I may sound a bit overdramatic about it, but it’s big enough to cause the issues that prompted this blog, so from that I draw my justification.
There you go.
The things we do when we’re given messenger and free time…
Hooray!
So Sean gave me two projective personality tests tonight. One I’d taken long ago (so I question my answers a bit because I had the old template still in my head), but the other was new. I’ll just give you my results, just in case you ever take the tests, ‘cause I don’t want to skew yours.
Onward (these are in Sean’s words, by the way):
~I don’t see a lot of value in the status quo
~Anything noteworthy must be done, not discovered
~I have an artistic, visionary personality; I feel unique but a little disjointed from my surroundings
~I have a fairly broad group of friends; my friends are there, but not “inside” my circle
~my idea of what I want in a romantic partner is un-developed. Right now I don’t have a template, so at the moment “lover” is just a special case of “friend”
~I don’t see difficulties as being added factors, just the normal surroundings “flaring up.” I feel like I can weather the difficulty
~My material possessions are decorative and aesthetic, and they’re important to me
~Knowledge is important to me (but it doesn’t open anything…long story)
~I feel like things will block my path that I have no way of defeating, but they can be circumnavigated
~My love life is “big and scary.” I go in prepared and try to keep myself as safe as possible from getting pulled under
~I hide from danger until it goes away, but I try to approach with a solution as custom-tailored as possible
Hooray for early morning conversations!
If Genghis Khan, You Can, Too! (Too bad Immanuel Kant)
I like to think it’s rare for me to make a request of my friends (aside from the constant “read my blogs!” and “listen to me rant and rave at the table about the incompetence of the U of I!”), but I feel this request is an important one, especially considering a lot of the events that have been going on recently. Actually, I don’t really know if this is a “request” per say—more of a “keep this in mind if you ever need it” kind of thing…ah, screw it. I don’t know what it is. Just read, you shall see.
I know, for the vast majority of you (heck, maybe all of you), that when you’re in a situation and you need someone to talk to/rant or vent to/bounce ideas off of/get advice from, you probably don’t automatically think of me. This I would like to change.
I know I haven’t done my best in building up my reputation as a friend who is always there physically, who always is there when you need a hug or you need face-to-face communication. That’s my fault. But there is something I want you all to know: I am always there for you—if not physically, then over messenger or over the phone (when it’s charged, haha) if you need anything. And if you need it, I’m willing at any time, day or night, to drop what I’m doing and be with you. This goes for every last one of you, no exceptions.
I guess I’m asking you to trust me, and that probably sounds really dumb, because I probably haven’t given you enough reason to trust me. Well, here’s my little explanation for why you should and why I want you to. I guess I chalk it up to the fact that I know that when you’re feeling down, confused, upset, or conflicted, it really helps to have an ear to talk to, to just have someone to talk at that will respond with empathy and genuine concern, and who will simply listen and not pass judgment or break your trust. I’d like to think of myself as that kind of person. Sure, I may not seem that way in casual conversation, but when a friend expresses distress, it does concern me, and I really like to be that person who can be a support during rough times. I may not be perfect at this, but I try, and I like to think I do help.
I also know that it can be hard sometimes to talk about certain problems with even your best friends. And since I’m probably not the primary confidant of any one of you, I think I could be helpful in those situations in which you may find it difficult to talk to those to whom you are closest.
I don’t know. I guess I’d like you all to know that I would like to be that friend that you can go to in any crisis, the one who can listen objectively but with empathy. Because I do care, really. I want you all to know that if you’re having a bad time of things and need someone for whatever reason, don’t hesitate to call on me. I won’t judge you, I won’t betray your trust, and I won’t give advice unless you want it. I’ll just listen.
Yeah, this blog kind of came out of nowhere, but I figured it was time for me to put this into writing for all of you, so that you all know.
Everything’s funny at 4 AM. Especially this.
Sean and I should not be allowed to talk on Messenger to each other so late at night/early in the morning. This particular conversation started about an hour ago, at 3 AM. We’d been talking since about midnight, and at this point Sean was pretty tired. But then I said one damn thing and we talked for another hour.
I have to say, this is probably one of the funniest MSN conversations I’ve ever had. Sean is amazing, I am amazing, and we’re both even more amazing this early in the morning.
I was going to fix the formatting to my standard, but then was all, “screw it, it’s 4 in the morning.” So you get what you get. And as if it needs mentioning, I’m “Action Leibniz!” and he’s “Giant Enemy Crab.”
Action Leibniz! says: Maybe you should go to bed before you purchase a small island or something
Giant Enemy Crab says: I need to be straight-jacketed promptly at midnight
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh man, my own island would rock!
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’m doing that RIGHT NOW
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, I just realized most of my Flash productions are made after midnight
Giant Enemy Crab says: holy gods
Action Leibniz! says: If your theory holds true, that explains a lot
Giant Enemy Crab says: this shit be expensive
Action Leibniz! says: Are you seriouly looking up islands?
Giant Enemy Crab says: well, it’s not like I’m just gonna stumble on to one, is it?\
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, Sean, go to bed!
Giant Enemy Crab says: hold on
Giant Enemy Crab says: I can totally afford this if I kill my whole family for their bank accounts
Action Leibniz! says: Hahahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: [link]
Action Leibniz! says: Looks nice
Giant Enemy Crab says: someone is actually selling AN ENTIRE ISLAND on eBay
Action Leibniz! says: That’s awesome
Action Leibniz! says: At least their feedback score is 100%
Giant Enemy Crab says: hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: well good, that means they didn’t like void the warranty on it first or something
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, imagine the feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product as described: it was actually an island, yes”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “good value for price: yeah, I guess so, I don’t know how much fuckin’ islands usually go for”
Action Leibniz! says: “Very good climate, friendly natives, would buy from again! A+”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, yeah
Giant Enemy Crab says: “would totally buy from this seller again, but seriously – how many godsdamn islands do I need?”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: I mean, it’s kinda one of those things where you really only need one for the full effect
Action Leibniz! says: Apparently they usually sell beds
Action Leibniz! says: “Got the bed, slept in it, totally pleased!”
Action Leibniz! says: Awesome feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: man, this guy likes selling things that cost a lot and you don’t really find yourself shopping for that often
Giant Enemy Crab says: I mean, how many times in the last year have you bought a bed
Giant Enemy Crab says: let alone an island
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh, wait
Giant Enemy Crab says: it’s not the whole thing
Giant Enemy Crab says: WELL FUCK HIM, THEN
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’m not paying a million dollars for like part of an island
Giant Enemy Crab says: for that much, I get the whole damn thing!
Action Leibniz! says: I was going to say, that sounds awful cheap for a whole island
Action Leibniz! says: Hmm, personal hurricane bunkers
Action Leibniz! says: And missle silos
Action Leibniz! says: This guy has everything!
Giant Enemy Crab says: wow, I was AFK
Giant Enemy Crab says: missle silos?
Giant Enemy Crab says: for real?
Action Leibniz! says: $2.1
Giant Enemy Crab says: SOLD
Action Leibniz! says: Yeah
Giant Enemy Crab says: bwahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping costs to: 83843 – not listed”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: fucking FedEx won’t bring my island to me
Giant Enemy Crab says: what, I gotta go over there??
Action Leibniz! says: He never said I had to do that!
Giant Enemy Crab says: this was not in the item description!
Giant Enemy Crab says: I will leave a negative feedback now!
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: feedback: one negative:
Action Leibniz! says: “WHY CAN’T YOU SHIP THIS PIECE OF EARTH TO MOSCOW?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “I had to go to my island! I paid a MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS, WTF MAN??”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: Oh man
Giant Enemy Crab says: I love taht
Giant Enemy Crab says: that*
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping: see description”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it’s an island”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “we regret that we can’t send it anywhere”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it’s pretty much staying right where it is”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “go read a geology textbook”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “or, you know, just go outside now and again”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: Wow, that’s really funny
Action Leibniz! says: “Island Lake Superior”
Action Leibniz! says: It’s like, this is THE island
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: the one you heard so much about
Giant Enemy Crab says: here’s another one
Giant Enemy Crab says: “shipping: pickup only”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha, really?
Giant Enemy Crab says: why won’t they just let you post “COME ON, THERE IS NO FREAKING WAY THIS IS MOVING FROM WHERE IT CURRENTLY IS LOCATED”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “UNLESS LIKE A HUGE TYPHOON HITS IT BUT WE REALLY DON’T THINK YOU’D LIKE THAT ANY MORE THAN THE POOR BASTARDS WHO LIVE THERE”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, on the Lake Superior one
Action Leibniz! says: “The beach: words fail to describe it”
Action Leibniz! says: Then there’s a whole paragraph describing it
Giant Enemy Crab says: HAHAHAHA
Giant Enemy Crab says: seriously, I could describe it
Action Leibniz! says: I’ve been to all the beaches, man, and this one is the BEST
Giant Enemy Crab says: “mostly it’s sand, but you’ll notice as you go out there’s more and more water”
Action Leibniz! says: You might notice a point where you can’t breathe anymore. That’s the real deep part of the water
Giant Enemy Crab says: “after a certain point enough water is present that we can safely say the beach has terminated”
Action Leibniz! says: “But that’s not in the auction, you don’t get that, sorry”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, yeah
Action Leibniz! says: He probably has another auction: Lake Superior–everything BUT the island
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you only paid for the island, not the ocean too”
Giant Enemy Crab says: hahaha
Giant Enemy Crab says: imagine that description
Giant Enemy Crab says: “bargain: we sold some other tard just the island”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “You get the good stuff”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you get fish and water”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “both of which are marketable resources”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “but not to the degree you’re gonna make money”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “let’s not kid ourselves, here”
Action Leibniz! says: “Plus, your property can wash onto theirs in storms and destroy stuff, now how satisfying is THAT? Bid NOW!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “you’ll show them”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “some hurricane comes? they’re FUCKED. you, your stuff just gets moved around some”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, that would be the best eBay product ever
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’d totally buy Lake Superior off an online auction
Action Leibniz! says: I wonder how much that would go for
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, they’d cancel my FAFSA loans
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: under assets I’d put “Lake Superior” and they’d be like “one thing this guy does not need is more money”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “what’s he gonna try to buy next, betelguese?”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahahaha
Action Leibniz! says: We need galaxies on eBay next
Giant Enemy Crab says: I would buy that without thinking
Action Leibniz! says: That would be so great
Giant Enemy Crab says: “why can’t you pay your rent again?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “there’s a small planetoid orbiting alpha centauri? preliminary flybys indicate it may be rich in iron deposits?”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “oh man, you mock me now, but wait until the interplanetary mining trade takes off”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “I’ll be rich as shit”
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Action Leibniz! says: Best excuse not to pay rent
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: “don’t worry, I’ll pay up later, with interest!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: just as soon as we develop faster than light travel
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, exactly
Giant Enemy Crab says: now that’s planning ahead
Action Leibniz! says: Though technology to do so is probably on eBay somewhere
Action Leibniz! says: “Go faster than the speed of light using our amazing springy shoes!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, I’m gonna sell a perpetual motion machine
Action Leibniz! says: You’d get a complaint, “It stopped moving”
Action Leibniz! says: “You broke it, no refunds”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product matched description: not even! it quit after a few hours! poor seller! F—–“
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: semi-perpetual motion machine
Giant Enemy Crab says: it goes on for a bit then stops
Giant Enemy Crab says: it’d be like a little wheel hanging from a rim
Action Leibniz! says: Those should be marketed, people would fall for it so hard
Action Leibniz! says: “They’re getting closer!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it really works, too!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: science is sure amazing
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: much better feedback
Giant Enemy Crab says: “product matches description: it really did stop after a bit! A+++++++++++++++++”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “We didn’t think it would, but after watching it for about fifteen minutes it really did!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: fifteen minutes?
Giant Enemy Crab says: they spun the wheel REALLY HARD
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, “fzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
Action Leibniz! says: “Best part: the dog brushed against it and it repeated the WHOLE PROCESS! Man, we didn’t think it would stop the second time, but it did!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: (for best results imagine the expression of someone making the above onomotopeia)
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: (slowly decreasing in pitch to simulate deceleration)
Action Leibniz! says: “New: comes with sound effects!”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “it kinda whirrs a bit”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “review: whirring noise was wrong pitch, but otherwise fine. overall positive experience if you’re willing to make concessions”
Action Leibniz! says: Hahaha
Action Leibniz! says: “That was NOT a B flat whir”
Giant Enemy Crab says: “tried to tune my violin to it: DIDN’T WORK AT ALL”
Action Leibniz! says: “Warning to other users: do not tune from this”
Giant Enemy Crab says: that’s the guy that bought the island but didn’t get Lake Superior
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: he’s still bitter because of erosion
Giant Enemy Crab says: sore loser, that one
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, oh yes
Giant Enemy Crab says: oh shit, it’s 4 now
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, I bet the really poor decisions will begin any time
Giant Enemy Crab says: I’d better go to bed
Action Leibniz! says: You should
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, I should, too
Giant Enemy Crab says: I was wondering if you ever sleep
Action Leibniz! says: When I get around to it
Giant Enemy Crab says: haha, well, talk to you tomorrow
Action Leibniz! says: Haha, okay\
Giant Enemy Crab says: blah, after work
Giant Enemy Crab says: 7 hours is always too long no matter what
Action Leibniz! says: Agreed
Giant Enemy Crab says: then again, I just bid on an island, so I should start saving
Action Leibniz! says: Haha
Giant Enemy Crab says: anyway
Giant Enemy Crab says: おやすみなさい
Action Leibniz! says: Goodnight
Tautologies are really unnecessary. Indeed, tautologies are quite superfluous.
(Really, stop me if my titles get too “out there.”)
World, I present to you a new metaphysical theory on God and the universe.
In a sentence:
It is through Ren’s boobs that God is represented.
Elaboration:
We looked at this through three different philosophical viewpoints (actually I did, everyone else there extrapolated, laughed, or was like “Claudia, what the hell?”)—Descartes, Spinoza, and Leibniz (the Rationalists!).
Descartes
We have to establish some sort of dualism. This task is easily accomplished, due to the fact that there are two boobs. One boob is to represent the substance “mind,” and the other boob is to represent the “material” substance. “I think therefore I’m Ren’s boobs.”
Spinoza
We are Ren’s boobs, and Ren’s boobs are us. Everything is Ren’s boobs. Ren’s boobs are the cause of all things. There is no dualism; the boobs themselves are of the same substance. Oh, and Ren’s boobs can indeed be perceived and understood.
Leibniz
Ren’s boobs are the best of all possible boobs. They are perfectly omnipotent, omnipresent, and good. Ren’s boobs created the world. Therefore, it is because of Ren’s boobs that we live in the best of all possible worlds. There is no other and better world, just as there are no other and better boobs.
Yeah.
Eigenblogger 