Oh, man…this…wow. So I’m sitting here alone today and I decide to dig through all these old tapes of home movies and the like. I find this one labeled “Bomb Shelter Play” which was undoubtedly the one that held on it my having fun in our bomb shelter a few years ago by putting on a play. So I stick it in the VCR, ready to see how bad my acting skills were. Instead, I get an old magic show that my friend and I did back in…hm…it looks like it was from 4^th grade or so.

Lemme tell you something—I was having about as much fun as the variola virus in the New World watching this thing. I honestly don’t know how he put up with my evil dictator-like style.

I know none of you care, but I’m going to post this anyway. It’s some of the random crap we did. I don’t know if it was scripted or not (I honestly don’t remember doing this specific magic show; we did about 5 separate ones), but if it wasn’t…damn, that’s even funnier.

Here are several of the names/catchphrases we gave it:
-G.E.’s Magic Show: Things You Can See With Your Own Eyes
-G.E.’s Magic Show: Things You Can See With Your Eyes, But Not With Anything Else (wtf?)
-G.E.’s Magic Show: Things You Can See With Your Eyes…And Things…That You Can’t
-G.E’s Magic Show: Things You Can See…And Things You Can’t

And then there was this whole thing we did when we didn’t know the camera was on (this is me being a jerk):
G.E.: Oh, I got a better idea!
Me: I need a knife.
G.E.: I gotta better idea!
Me: A kitchen knife
G.E.: I got a good idea! I got a good idea!
Me: Hold on! (I leave for a minute or so, and come back in) I got a fork!
G.E.: I got a good idea.
Me: No wait…let’s do this. (I ramble on about my idea)
G.E: But I gotta better idea.
Me: (I ramble a little more)
G.E.: But I’ve still got a better idea.
Me: Oh come on! Let’s just do that—
G.E.: But I’ve got a better idea!
Me: Let’s do that, just come on!
G.E.: I got a good idea, I got a good idea, I got a good idea, I got a good idea, I got a good idea—
Me: Please, please, please, we did your book—
G.E.: I got a good idea!
Me: We did your book thing last.
G.E.: Yeah but we did the we did the….that uh…
Me: That catch thing.
G.E.: Yeah—
Me: And then we did that other thing which was your idea and the first thing which was my idea so we have to do my idea now and then we can do that.
G.E.: And then we can—
Me: And then we can do our homework! Come on! It’s perfect!
G.E.: It’s practically the same—
Me: No, no, come on please just this—
G.E.: I’ll do, I’ll do like “we can do some of that beautiful commercial music!” and then, um, I’ll turn on that music and then you’ll go “SHUT UP!” and you’ll like yaaaaaaaaaa and then you’ll throw the fork and it’ll go twannnnnnnng!
Me: How we gonna do that?
G.E.: I dunno.
Me: You’ll be over here…
G.E.: Oh, I’ve got a good idea!

Etc., etc. I think we didn’t do either of our original ideas.

Here, we attempt a potion sketch.
G.E.: It’s like “oh man, that smells too bad!”
Me: And then I breathe it in and I’m like “awwwww” and then I fart!
G.E.: Yeah!
Me: Phbbbbbbbbt! Um…let’s take a commercial break!
G.E.: I’ll go “phbbbbbbbt!”

Man, I can’t tell if we scripted this or not.
Me: Well finally, get on stage!
G.E.: Uh, here’s the—
Me: This is your magic show, remember?
G.E.: Here’s the trouble!
Me: Oh! Kay!
G.E: Now back to G.E’s Magic Show. Now…
Me: Here’s your script! Read it and…that’s my personal underwear! Let go of it! You’re Stupid!

-“Oh yesterday on the day of 1893 I saw this boy…and he loved me so much!” (G.E. reading from the “script”)

-“Oh black darkness is aware of you!” (Me covering the camera lens)

-“Dear diary: today, our magician took the longest time to get here! He has no point of contact with anything in the real world. Thank you diary for listening to me.” (Me)

-“Look! At! Yourself! You need…a MAKEOVER!” (Me)

Ah, the minds of fourth-graders. Are there any greater things in the world?

I can see where my classmates from elementary school got the material for my ridicule, though, that’s for sure.