I should win an Oscar or something

Oh man…talk about insanity…I was home alone tonight and, while I was cleaning, dug out all these old video tapes of book reports I’ve done for school over the years. They’re genius…


 “Stepping on the Cracks” (fourth grade)
~4th graders can’t act worth crap.
~I am an excellent cameraman.
~”He ruined my homework!” “He ruined my pants!”
~I look basically the same.
~I had a hole in my pants the entire time.
~People with backpacks over their heads singing “oh oh it’s magic” is always entertaining. (“You always know what’s magic!”)
“Banner in the Sky” (fifth or sixth grade)
~This is supposed to be on a remote mountain in the Alps. We did it on a snowpile in a parking lot with dogs and cars making noise in the background.
~I got a lot of shots of Aaron’s butt. Quite a lot. That’s the whole movie, really.
~My camera work is genius!
“Dune” (yes, “Dune”. 7th grade. Best. Work. Ever.)
~My intro: “The setting is outside the very white sanded Dune desert cave.”
~We all go insane when we’re out in the snow for three hours.
~This whole damn thing is a blooper, really.
~Our sword fights consisted of sticks and pushing and screaming and chasing.
~Brendan writes the most brilliant script I’ve ever seen, but his interpretation of “Dune” was…uh…slightly skewed.
~”The blind man is killing me!”
~”I’m all wet! Why’d you get me all wet? I like to be dry!”
~”Ever heard of Judas, the loser who cheated Jesus? You are all like him! All of you!”
~”Me like escorting women!”
~”I don’t have a part till the all wet part”
~”Give me some of that stinkin’ coffee!”
~”It wasn’t me! I’m not even in this scene!”
~”The scene that we cut WE DIDN’T REALLY CUT!!!”
~Award-winning filming by ME!


Jeez…I was laughing the whole time through these pathetic things. Nice cheer up. I’m a happy little freak now.

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