SHAZAAM
Survey time, ‘cause I’m bored.
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SHOUTING FOR?
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Today
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It’s really tiny. I’ve gotten that comment on a lot of my handwritten papers/homework
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Does tuna count?
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Hahaha
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Doubtful.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
NEVER!
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I do indeed
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Bah
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Frosted mini wheats, but they have to have the exact proportion of mini wheat to frosting. Too much or too little frosting makes them taste horrible
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Sometimes
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Oreo
13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their body type?
14. RED OR PINK?
ORANGE!
15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Myself
16. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Purple pants, no shoes
17. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Radical Carrot! We had the best comic for that crayon when we were in second grade
18. FAVORITE SMELLS?
I am offended by this question!
19. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Sports suck
20. HAIR COLOR?
Black
21. EYE COLOR?
Hazel
22. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope
23. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies with happy endings?
24. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
No idea
25. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Pink!
26. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer
27. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kissy kissy
28. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
For Whom the Bell Tolls by Hemingway
29. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I have no such thing!
30. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
A lot of stuff
31. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
Good music, the sound of the van (‘cause that means we get to leave), my kitten making her kitten noise
32. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Moscow
33. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
That’s a long and complicated story.
My life
What do most people do when they’re bored? Sleep? Watch TV? Mess around on the internet?
What do I do when I’m bored? I make stupid graphs in Excel while simultaneously ranting about how stupid Excel is. Did you know that it MESSES WITH YOUR PERCENTAGES if, when you’re making a pie chart, your percentages don’t add up to 100%? I mean, I guess it kind of has to change your data, ‘cause otherwise a pie chart would not work, but still.
But it doesn’t do it evenly! I was experimenting with this and had data with percentages of 3, 2, 2, and 1. The three percent and the one percent were different, obviously, when Excel changed the values, but the two two percents were different from each other! By a lot, too, not just a percentage point.
What the hell, Excel?
Oh, here are my stupid graphs. Enjoy.
Road trip, University of Idaho-style
Haha.
So today was the day Team 4 of the University Housing Summer Crew got in the van and drove halfway up Moscow Mountain to clean a house the university owns up there because some big-wigs were coming into town and needed a conference place.
Let me tell you what happened there.
Alice decides that we should go up there after noon, so after lunch break like eleven of us get in the van (plus her and Roy, with the floor team following us) and we drive through town and up an old gravel road towards Moscow Mountain. I mention the gravel road because it’s important later.
After about a ten minute drive, we reach this HUGE house the university apparently owns about halfway up the mountain. Alice and Roy split us up into groups doing various jobs to make the house pretty before the conference that’s apparently going on tomorrow. I was alone, luckily, and I was in charge of watering all the plants around the house. Turn on the water spigot, nothing comes out. “Okay,” I think, “there’s no water on the outside of the house. That’s cool, I’ll just go fill up the watering can inside.”
Apparently there was no water anywhere in the entire house.
At this point I would like to mention that it hit about 97 degrees today.
So there we all are, stranded on a mountain in a house with no water, the floor crew completely lost as to how to do the floors, the rest of us just chilling as Alice and Roy have it out with each other over the whole water situation. Eventually, somebody gets the sink in one of the bathrooms to start trickling water at an alarmingly low rate; we’re instructed to do what we can with about an eighth of a bucket of water each.
Once we were done, we were still stuck up there waiting for the floor crew to finish, so we all sat outside on the driveway in the shade of the garage, antagonizing wasps with sticks and pretending to be awesome until 3:50 rolled around and we got into the van to leave.
By this point we each of us had exhausted our bottles of water and were all really thirsty and hot. Because of this, we decided to ride home with the van windows open—which in hindsight, was a bad plan, since the gravel got kicked up and turned us all a beautiful dust color and made us even thirstier.
But we got back, we got Otter Pops, and I unfortunately live to work another day at the U of I.
Fun with Shag Carpets
You know what’s great?
Shag carpeting in college student housing. What freaking genius thought of that? “In these houses will live members of the messiest demographic aside from children (though some of them will have children and bring them with them). Let’s put carpeting that catches EVERY LITTLE THING in EVERY SINGLE ROOM! BRILLIANT!”
Morons.
On the upside, I discovered $3.27 in change in one apartment today. I also vacuumed up what looked like five years’ worth of shedding from a large dog.
Songs at work
So I’ve noticed this weird trend with my music when I’m listening to it at work…even though I keep my iPod on shuffle and even though we never go the same places in the same order, there are certain songs that only come up when we’re at certain places. Examples:
- Apocalyptica’s Farewell always comes on in the GSR parking lot.
- Battles’ Atlas comes on when I’m sweeping; I think there’s only been one occasion where it’s come on when I was doing something else.
- Love Rollercoaster (by the Ohio Players) has never been played outside of the van.
- Valdres March only comes on when I’m cleaning the AC vents in GSR.
- Sweet’s Ballroom Blitz? Always in the parking lot for South Hill Vista.
- I always get two Metro Station songs in a row. Always.
My iPod scares me.
Just when you thought the album covers had ceased…THEY JUST KEEP GETTING DORKIER!
Idea that came to me from several random pieces. Awhile ago I was thinking what an awesome band name Cellophane would be. Yesterday I was messing around with Wikipedia’s “random article” generator and came across the “Cello” page. I thought to myself, “hmm, I wonder what I could do with those f-holes?” (get your minds out of the gutter!). Then late tonight came the revelation of “holy crap, I could use an f-hole as an “f” in a band name!”
Then, “Dang, too bad “Cellophane” doesn’t have an “f” in it.”
Then, “But it does have an “f” sound…maybe I could spell it “Cellofane.”
And, “Holy crap, it would be a PERFECT name for a cello group, ‘cause it’s CELLOfane!!!”
And this was produced (yes, I know, the instrument pictured in it is a violin. Shut up.)
Like it? Isn’t “String Theory” the BEST name for an album for a string group?
Anosmia! Anosmia! Anosmia!
Ever since the stinky apartment incident, I’ve been thinking more about anosmia. Did you know that it’s considered a disability? And did you also know that there’s a positive correlation between olfactory deficits and schizophrenia (sources at bottom)?
I’ve often wondered what it’s like to smell. I recall the first time I realized that there was something different about my sense. It was back in first grade. Our teacher had all these numbered paper bags, each containing something with a distinctive odor (chocolate, an orange slice, cinnamon, etc.). Our activity was to go around with a little list of smells, smell the bags without opening them, and match the number of the bag with the smell. I remember everyone else having no problems with this; they’d stick their noses up to the bags, inhale, and say “oh, that’s chocolate” (or whatever the smell was), and write it down. I was trying to copy them—I stuck my nose up to the bags and tried to smell, but all the bags “smelled” the same to me. I thought I was doing it wrong somehow.
Haha, I don’t know why I remember that day so clearly, but I do.
Anyway. Just a random memory that I felt like divulging ‘cause it’s been on my mind lately. And also because I have nothing else to blog about tonight.
Here are the anosmia/schizophrenia sources:
Brewer, W. J., Wood, S. J., McGorry, P. D., Francey, S. M., Phillips, L. J., Yung, A. R., et al. (2003). Impairment of olfactory identification ability in individuals at ultra-high risk for psychosis who later develop schizophrenia. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 160, 1790-1794.
Corcoran, C., Whitaker, A., Coleman, E., Fried, J., Feldman, J., Goudsmit, N., et al. (2005). Olfactory deficits, cognition and negative symptoms in early onset psychosis. Schizophrenia Research, 80(2-3), 283-293
Good, K. P., Whitehorn, D., Rui, Q., Milliken, H., & Kopala, L. C. (2006). Olfactory identification deficits in first-episode psychosis may predict patients at risk for persistent negative and disorganized or cognitive symptoms. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 136, 932-933.
Kamath, V., & Betwell, J. S. (in press). Olfactory identification performance in individuals with psychometrically-defined schizotypy. Schizophrenia Research.
Moberg, P. J., Doty, R. L., Turetsky, B. I., Arnold, S. E., Mahr, R. N., Gur, R. C., et al. (1997). Olfactory identification deficits in schizophrenia: correlation with duration of illness. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 154(7), 1016-1018.
And this is why I am who I am today
This was my childhood game, The Neverhood. My friend George and I repeated this part like 40 times in a row.
Police raids are fun, but the van is getting old
Well, work was interesting (for a change) today. We were cleaning this end apartment in one of the buildings on South Hill Terrace after lunch. I was vacuuming upstairs and I had to go empty the little vacuum bag. There’s this dumpster right outside the building we were in, so I go outside and empty the bag in there. As I’m out there, these five police cars drive up and park right in front of the building (their sirens weren’t on or anything, but they pulled in there like they were in a hurry).
One of the policemen walks up to me and goes, “do you know your neighbor?” pointing to the apartment next to the one we were in. I’m like, “hey, man, I just work for the university as a custodian,” so he leaves me alone and I go back into our apartment. We just keep cleaning for about fifteen minutes. Then one of the policemen comes in and tells us that we’re going to have to leave “for our safety.”
Yeah.
So we go sit in the van for the rest of the day.
My guess is that it had something to do with drugs, what do you guys think?
If the title distracts you from the crappiness of the blog, my work here is done.
These are great:
www.iamanatheist.com
Some of the best “arguments against”:
Hitler was an atheist.
“I don’t know about Hitler’s religion, but I do know that he was heterosexual, so can I assume you’re against that, too?”
Einstein believed in God. Do you think you’re smarter than Einstein?
“If he believed in God, yes.”
There are so many wonderful things in the world, how can you say there is no God?
“It’s really pretty easy: ‘There is no god.’ See?”
God made His image appear in this tortilla!
(Eats tortilla)
www.iamatheist.com
Some of the best “arguments against”:
How can God be omniscient, omnipotent, all good, and the creator of all things when those qualities lead to logical contradictions?
“It’s a mystery.”
How can Jesus have risen from the dead in three days if the first day was Friday? Wouldn’t the third day be Monday?
“It’s a mystery.”
How can God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit possibly be three separate entities and still be one God?
“It’s a mystery.”
The Bible says that men are the masters of women.
“That’s true.”
The Bible says you should not eat lobster.
“That part’s only for Jewish people.”
Why are there so many contradictions in the Gospels?
“There are no contradictions in the Gospels.”
But the Gospels can’t even agree on how many people showed up at Jesus’ tomb.
“There are no contradictions in the Gospels!”
Your arguments aren’t very convincing.
“Enjoy your eternity in Hell!”
MSN Messenger is not an appropriate substitute for a life
I should not be left alone in a house. Just to let you know. Not a good idea. This is what happens to my brain:
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Well, ok… I can see the point of a vague question… sorta… but for a personality test?
Mobius Striptease says: It can work if it’s worded right
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Yeah, but the kind of question I think you are being asked, it needs to be fairly obvious what they mean… not like an audio question that says “Expand the following sentence: ‘Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo'”
Mobius Striptease says: That’s a good question for a projective test
Jacob: Computer Geek says: in audio form?
Mobius Striptease says: Sure, it’d work
Jacob: Computer Geek says: you’re nuts
Mobius Striptease says: Thanks
Mobius Striptease says: Seriously, asking about buffalo sentences through headphones…how is that more crazy than showing people blots of ink?
Mobius Striptease says: Rorschach: the Audio Edition!
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Oh god
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha, that’d be AMAZING
Mobius Striptease says: I need to propose the Audio Rorschach as soon as I get my PhD
Mobius Striptease says: Haha, and have said PhD promptly taken away from me
Jacob: Computer Geek says: lol
Jacob: Computer Geek says: Them: “So, how’d you come up with this test?” You: “Oh, I was sitting nude at my computer talking to a guy friend, who also happened to be nude at his computer, through an instant messaging client, we were discussing tests, and we just spontaneously birthed the idea”
Mobius Striptease says: Hahaha
Mobius Striptease says: “Here’s a Nobel Prize for you!”
Mobius Striptease says: That would be the best thing ever
Jacob: Computer Geek says: lol
Mobius Striptease says: Them: “Tell us how this test was developed” Me: “I took some speed and my friend gave me a microphone in which to yell. Honestly, there are no real meanings in that jibberish”
Best idea ever.
Boredom = Survey
Boredom = survey. Standard procedure.
1) What color is your toothbrush?
Orange. Of course.
2) Do you prefer guys or girls?
I like the men.
3) Ever been to a club?
Does The Beach count? If so, yes.
4) Is smoking a turn off?
Kinda. I can’t smell it, so that part doesn’t bother me. It’s the dying early from lung/throat/mouth cancer that is a deal-breaker, though.
5) Your thoughts on george bush?
Hahaha, he doesn’t even deserve to have his name capitalized, this survey is awesome.
6) Do you like hot or cold weather?
Hot. Summer rocks.
7) Where do you want to be at the moment?
Wherever I’ll be the night after I graduate…which probably means I want to be passed out on the floor, hyperventilating, but happy because it’s over.
8) What’s your favorite sweet treat?
Chocolate…chocolate-covered Swedes.
Haha.
9) How many states have you lived in?
One.
10) Where were you born?
In the same damn town I’m living in right now.
11) How old are you?
20.
12) Do you live with your parents?
For the summer. But for the next two semesters? NO!
13) What’s your fave old cartoon?
Talespin freaking rocked.
14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nah.
15) Do you shower every single day?
Pfft. Waste of water.
16) Do you brush your teeth at night?
Yup.
17) Do you prefer being friends with popular beautiful snobs or truthful people?
It depends. Are the truthful people beautiful, too? I can’t befriend ugly people, what kind of sick person do you think I am?!
18) Chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla.
19) Are you an outgoing person?
No way.
20) Ever been in trouble with the police?
Nope.
21)Are you a sport fanatic?
I’m fanatical about a lot of things. Sports is not one of them.
22) Are you into long relationships?
Um…sure.
23) Do you regret things in life?
Always. That’s like my cornerstone of thought.
24) Are you a shy person?
I’m pretty bad. You should have seen me a couple years ago, though, good lord.
25) Do you miss anybody?
I miss talking to Sean for five hours every night. But I’m moving in with him, so I’ve got something to look forward to.
26) Would you get back with any of your exes?
NO.
27) If you could change your name what would it be?
I’m cool with my name.
28) When’s your bday?
Groundhog Day.
29) Have any best friends?
Not “best” friends…really, really good friends.
30) What were you for Halloween 2 yrs ago?
I don’t think I dressed up two years ago.
31) Favorite holiday?
Millard Fillmore’s birthday. That should be nationally recognized.
32) Favorite restaurant?
Cougar Country!
33) Do you cry easily?
Bahahahaha…do you know me?
34) Do you like your life the way it is now?
Parts of it. Other parts make me want to die.
35) Favorite advice?
Don’t wear pants after 9 PM. Life gets so much better.
36) Are you mad at any one?
Slightly.
37) If so, why?
None of your business. It’s mine alone to deal with, apparently.
38) Do you have any fears?
Failure.
And any grade lower than an A.
Which is, to me, failure.
Yeah.
39) Any diseases?
Do I have any diseases, you mean?
Depends. Does being weird count?
40) What’s bothering you right now?
Buddhism. It’s a class, I need an A in it, and therefore I worry.
41) What do you consider yourself?
An obsessive, neurotic, way-too-academically-competitive weirdo who likes Metalocalypse and loves Leibniz.
42) What do you do with your free time?
Pfft, free time. I usually blog.
43) What 3 things could you not live without?
My brain/thoughts, some sort of audience to which I can blather on, something over which to obsess.
44) Wanna have kids?
NOOOOOOOOO!
45) Wanna get married?
Not anytime soon.
46) Are you gonna be a good parent?
Hopefully I won’t ever be a parent.
48) Do you plan to going the military?
Nope.
49) Would you die for your friends?
Sure.
50) What’s your favorite scent?
VODKAAA!!!
No, seriously, you all know my answer.
PROVERBS GONE WILD
Today I present to you: “PROVERBS GONE WILD” (or, “Jacob and I should not be allowed to message each other after 4 AM”).
- If a sound falls in a tree and no one is around, does it make a forest?
- You can lead a drink to water, but you can’t make him horse
- What’s the hand of one clap sounding?
- A doctor a day keeps the apple away
- Evil is the root of all money
- The bigger they fall, the harder they are
- First served, first come (dirty as HELL)
- That which does not make us stronger kills us
- Contempt breeds familiarity
- A hard man is good to find (hahaha, this one’s my favorite)
Oh, and a really pathetic stats joke. Because I’m just that way.
END!
Oh, MSN Messenger…
MSN is fun. And since I have nothing else to blog about today because work sucks and life is boring, you get some random snippets of my conversations with people. The last two are probably the most interesting. And I have no idea what’s up with all the drug references. I’m in red, other random people I allow to speak are in blue.
I see naked women patterns in the brains in my display pic
I’ve had too much sugar
so what are you up to tonight?
Using all my willpower to resist going back to the I Hate Butterflies forums
Item response theory can go suck it
Renal failure FTW!
Metalocalypse rehab center = necessary
The possible metaphysical ramifications of the existence of god do not affect whether or not I’m going to get an Otter Pop after work. I seriously wish they did, but they don’t
I’m still torn between Leibniz and Voltaire…but Leibniz is winning ’cause his wig is more ostentatious
“Vaaaaaagiiiiiiiiiiina! Vaaaagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina!”
God needs to write a “How To Win Arguments by Failing To Argue The Point” book
Lips placed provocatively on lollipop = freaking hard to draw
Nick and I
Hot Pockets make me want to conquer Europe
have you ever had a hot pocket?
No
But I’ve never wanted to conquer Europe, either
Therefore that’s the only conclusion that can be drawn
lol, wow, that symbolic logic class really cleared up your thought processes
Hahahaha
are you high?
High on life!
And, you know, crack
Stop reading peer review journals and go buy some erotica
Sean and I take a five-factor personality test online and compare our results
So you’re always complaining that I’m emo…why are you sending me emo music?
hey, I scored a 71 on anger, don’t you contradict me!
“Your level of positive emotions is low”
That depresses me
Your interpretation of my anger issues is PISSING ME OFF
These are all Jacob and I
um, wait… you get AROUSED when the class scedules come out?
Well, as much as *I* can get aroused, I guess
I need help, don’t I?
um, yeah
There isn’t much that leaves me speechless… that statement just did
Who needs sex when I’ve got a PLANNER?
Maybe I’ll write a story on how this song makes me want to do LSD
Haha
Math rock: my anti-drug…except it makes me want to get high
I want to lick the chocolate off of the nude Swede, who wouldn’t?
Woah, I almost typed that into the wrong chat window…
I know you named your sexual organs… but did you name your breasts?
Newton and Leibniz
Heh
My boobs co-invented calculus
Or invented it independently of each other, rather
The jiggly ones have BRAINS
Hahaha
“It’s not good for tits to be that far from brains”
And this is probably the only time that I can ever use that Metalocalypse quote
My shuffle loves to mess with my head
Like yesterday it went through like five songs involving candy right in a row
I just don’t get why love’s always a candy comparison…I guess it makes sense, but what about the other food groups?
“Bread n’ Butter” would work as a love song, but I guess something like “Beefcake, Beefcake” would not top the charts
Wow, I never really realized how depressing the song You are My Sunshine is
lol
“I love you so much…oh crap, you’re leaving…and I still love you…here’s a guitar solo”
heh
“You have left me to love another, you have shattered all my dreams”
Emo
I love this song now
HAHA
You could totally write this out as a threat letter to the person who dumped you…”you’ll regret it all someday”
I hadn’t heard it in the longest time, then shuffle landed on it
But the next song was Louie Louie, so I recovered
Damn you, Maggie!
mmm… pickles….
Haha
Is it sad that Pickles the drummer from Dethklok was the first thing that came to mind?
I need help
haha! That makes it REALLY dirty!
I know!
Man, I want some pickles…
the food, or the drummer?
Both would be nice
So.. if I like little pickles… does that make me a pedophile?
Hahahahaha
‘cuz I have some tasty little pickles in the fridge right now…
Gah! The imagery!
I wonder how many pickles I can fit in my mouth…
Oh good lord
Why, why, why???
‘cuz it’s FUN!
Holy crap! This pickle squirted juice all the way across the room when I squeezed it!
If I comment, I only encourage you
Last night I overdosed on M&Ms and went insane. This is Jacob and I.
Is that another metalocalypse quote, or did you eat some ‘shrooms?
So here’s a question…why does the official Scrabble dictionary include words that are impossible to play in Scrabble?
Like “fizz”
?
There’s only one Z tile
Use a blank tile
But what about words with more than two Z’s?
It lists “zzz”
there are two blank tiles aren’t there?
I guess you could use both, yeah
But I know there were words in that dictionary that need more than two blank tiles and the letter
I now have a mission
First part of mission: find where I put the Scrabble dictionary
heh
second part?
Find a word that can’t be played
Third part: blog about it
Fourth part: laugh
lol
“Zyzzyva”–can be played, but what the fuck?
How many people–excluding American weevil enthusiasts–could just drop that word on the board without looking in the dictionary?
Syzygy
Is that the confluence of celestial bodies?
Indeed it is
Very good, no one knows what the hell that means
that is a FUN word to say
It is!
and that’s just about the only reason I rememberd
Haha, it’s like Lynyrd Skynyrd was allowed to put a word into the dictionary
Tubular Pasta = best band name ever
lol
The lead singer could write under the name “Manicotti” or something
Hahahaha, a “penne” name!!
Oh god, I had way too much sugar
This song is too slow! Claudia wants metal!
You sound like you’re on crack
M&Ms: my anti-durg
Hahaha, drug, not durg
Point not proven
Hahaha, “I’m shipping off to Boston…TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!!!”
This song shall climb my playlist quickly
heh
what’s it called, and who is the artist?
I’m Shipping Up to Boston by the Dropkick Murphys
BAGPIPES
I know!
AWESOMENESS
I’ve never heard such an upbeat song regarding amputation
If I ever get a body part amputated, I’m going to write a techno song about it
lol
Or just, you know, rewrite the lyrics of Dropkick Murphy’s song and just have it a blatant rip off
lol
“I’m shipping down to Boise…TO FIND MY WOODEN ARM!”
Yeah. I’m nuts.
Holy crap, no more dorms!
Hooray!
I am now officially on the lease with Sean and the others. What does that mean? That means that next semester’s housing situation is going to rock. I hung out with Sean today for the twenty minutes I had left on my lunch break (after we attempted to sign…long story). It was awesome. I missed him.
Oh, and we decided that it was totally metal for Socrates to drink hemlock. We also decided that it was Archimedes who invented the Cuisinart so that the hemlock could be blended into drink form.
Yeah. We’re amazing.
Follow-up to yesterday
So this working alone thing?
AWESOME.
I can listen to as much music as I want and sing along with it, I can dance, I can clean in whatever order I want, and I can do things MY way.
I love this. This makes this job so much better.
This Just In: The U of I Actually Helped Me Find Meaning in My Life (But Not Really)
Yay, my anosmia has a use!
Today we were driving around South Hill Terrace (for who knows what reason—god knows we weren’t cleaning) and Roy and Alice start to talk about this apartment that apparently hasn’t been cleaned in over two years because of a horrible stench inside of it that nobody can stand long enough to get the stench out.
We drive up to the apartment and we all get out to check out the stinky place. We all go in and within two minutes everybody else has a headache from the smell and has to leave. I’m standing in there going “this isn’t a problem at all!”
So Alice decides that if I don’t mind, I can work alone to clean the apartment until the smell is gotten rid of. This apartment, by the way, is pretty damn gross—the carpet is all covered in dirt and leaves, the oven is completely covered in who knows what (both inside and outside), there are cobwebs in the sink and cabinets and on the railing, the light coverings are all yellow, there are dead moths, bees, ants, spiders, and other miscellaneous bugs everywhere.
But I will be happy to work alone. It will get me out of the terrible drudgery of working with the guy who thinks he’s god’s gift to the world just because he can clean a toilet.
The Butterfly Effect…will KILL you!
This is the funniest site ever. Am I a bad person for laughing at these people? Actually, wait on that…let me show you what some of the posts are here…
Some of the titles of the threads of the “Member Introductions” section:
“They control my life”
“Hi, my name’s Liz. And, well, I’m a freak!”
“Death to all Moths…”
“hello my name is jamie, and i’m sooo glad im not insane!” I could debate you on that one.
“I’m Scott and I fear butterflies more than death itself”
Responses to the thread “How do you react if a butterfly comes too close?”:
“Of course if i’m in an open space i am totally vigilant and watching for every flutter of leaves etc incase they might be butterflies so i can bolt in the opposite direction.”
“I flail around like a hooked fish, trying to bat the thing away without touching it (ewwww). I’ll also curse at it as well.”
“oh yea it’s uncontrollable when I see one coming at me too. People are always like ‘how do you see every single one!’”
“Why do they chase US?”
The “Elaborate and Impractical Ways To Get Rid of Moths” thread…
“One word- FLAMETHROWER”
“i find that frantic flapping of a wet towel works wonders (but you have to TRY at least to stay calm enough that the frantic flapping doesn’t break everything in the room !) and then when they get all wrapped up in that you can stomp on it and put it in a bucket of water (just to make sure the thing is dead you know). my adreneline normally runs out at that point and i have to get someone else to get rid of the towel.”
There was this whole long post about a guy who lured moths to their deaths by putting a light behind the whirring blades of a fan (where the hell is PETA?).
And then there were the wonders of the “Horror Stories” section. I could not stop laughing at some of these. Really.
“One day I was just watching some TV, and I had a nice glass of milk.
Without paying attention, I took a sip.. There was something in the milk… I actually took it between my teeth to feel what it was… Then I spit it out.
OH MY GOD IT WAS A MOTH!!!” Well, okay, I admit that’d be creepy.
“Lunesta commercial…SCARY! I lost sleep over this!” Oh. That’s ironic.
“Used my 2 year old as a shield!” You should not be reproducing!
OMG ONE JUST LANDED ON ME!!! Oh good lord, call the fire department!
“A bum almost stole my car because of a moth” A must-read. Someone should adapt this into a novel.
“Moth in the car when driving alone – I actually found screaming reduced tension somewhat.” There’s a MOTH IN THE CAR. For god’s sake, it’s a winged bug, not Hannibal Lecter!
I seriously laughed for like an hour over this. Rob, Matt, you got some of this over Messenger, but it was a lot more in person.
Hahaha, yeah, I’m a horrible person.
Dodecaboobahedron!
Today I theorized a new level of hell specifically for Microsoft, its employees, and their products:
“The 666th level of hell: you find yourself in a virtual world filled with inept programs and clumsy navigation bars. You are eternally forced to create decent-looking brochures and informative spreadsheets, but are unable to ever do well enough due to the lack of decent Microsoft tools. Constantly ringing in your ears is the cackling of Bill Gates as money eternally flows from your wallet and into his fiery, overstuffed pocketbook.”
Oh! And this…this is freaky…remember when I was talking to iGod and he said “if you see Buddha on the street, kill him”? Well, god isn’t being cruel; apparently, that’s something a 9th century Zen master said. It’s a metaphor for the philosophy of Buddhism: don’t look to others (i.e., the Buddha) to form your ideas. Form you own.
I am very, very surprised that whoever programmed iGod knew that and decided to put that in there.
Yeah, that’s all for today. Things are slow.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Two items of interest today:
1) I just realized that my 21st birthday will be on a Monday. Isn’t that the absolute worst day to have a 21st? Wow. That’s really funny, but only because I don’t plan on going out and drinking. ‘Cause if that was my plan, I’d be incredibly pissed.
2) I just thought of the BEST last name for Claude. Ladies and gentlemen, he will now be known as Claude Longscrew. Worship him. He is a god.
That is all.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALONGTITLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
So…fall semester?
Scaring the hell out of me right now. I’ve come to the realization that this will be my last “important” semester here, and if I screw things up now I’ll lose my 4.0 in the final stretch.
That’s more terrifying than it sounds, trust me.
Enter freak-out mode.
LOOK A SURVEY AREN’T YOU SURPRISED I CERTAINLY AM HEY I WONDER HOW LONG THIS CAN BE I’LL JUST K
To whom did you last give the finger?
Haha, my reflection in the mirror. This morning.
If you had one thousand dollars, what would you buy?
Your love. Oh wait, that costs $1,000,000. Damn!
Um…probably a bunch of cool socks.
And a ticket to go see Dethklok.
And random crap with whatever I had left over.
What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Water. Not my fault, my water bottle is a piece of crap.
Are you different now than you were six months ago?
Oh dear god, yes.
Have you kissed a girl/boy in the last three days?
Yup.
When/where was the last photograph you took?
Monday, in the SUB, for my “official” summer custodian badge thingy. Like there are going to be random people bursting into the apartments we’re cleaning and demanding to see proof that we’re supposed to be cleaning them.
Dude, that would make work so much more interesting.
*BAM* “WHERE ARE YOUR PROOFS OF IDENTIFICATION, YOU GSR-CLEANING HOOLIGANS?”
Who would clean these stupid rooms for fun, anyway? “Hey, it’s some idle Tuesday afternoon, let’s go break into the GSR and clean it!”
Where were you last night around 9:30?
Sitting in the car in the parking lot of Maggie’s apartment complex with Rob.
What do you think of guys that wear eyeliner?
Freaking sexy. Seriously.
How many hours did you sleep last night?
5-ish. Too long.
Who was the last person to whom you spoke on the phone for over an hour?
Hahaha, I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone for over an hour in a LONG time.
How was the last egg you ate prepared?
Deviled, I think.
Where did you last wear sunglasses?
NEVER!
Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
Pfft. Story of my life.
Is someone in love with you?
That’s what he claims.
Is there someone you know you should hate but you can’t?
Oh yes.
Is there someone you like more than a friend right now?
Yes.
What does your eighth text in your inbox say?
Claudia no texty.
Have you ever lost anyone close to you?
Yes.
Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?
I don’t trust anyone.
Have you kissed someone today?
Nope.
How’s your heart lately?
Conflicted.
The last song you listened to?
Enter Sandman, Apocalyptica-style.
If you could change your name what would it be?
I have no idea. I kind of like my name the way it is.
What do you hate about your school?
EVERYTHING
Would you move to another country to be with the one you love?
Sweden? France? Please?
Do you think you would make a good Lawyer?
Maybe. I don’t like that kind of stuff.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
Love is frightening.
What are you wearing right now and why?
A shirt, bra, and panties. ‘Cause it’s past nine and pants are forbidden.
Are you a forgiving person?
I’m way too forgiving. You people are lucky.
Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Nope.
Do you like your myspace?
My page, you mean? It’s fairly out of date and needs a new picture, but I like it.
Do you think it would be more fun to be a model or shoot the photographs?
I’d like to be a model, just to be weird in front of the camera. I mean, more than normal.
Are you younger than 21?
Yup.
Do you like winter?
I like summer.
Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
Just over the phone. My mom’s voice and mine sound exactly the same over the phone.
Do you currently want to scream at the top of your lungs?
Not right now.
What do you want right now?
A few things…
Last person you talked to on the phone?
Matt!
Last thing you drank?
Water!
What are your plans for the weekend?
Not going to work. I’m cool with that.
Oh, and organizing my crap.
Do you like the color green?
Lime green. Kelly green. That’s about it.
What book are you reading right now?
The Three Musketeers. It’s pretty good, I like Dumas.
Do you think you can last for an hour without talking?
Haha, oh yes. Don’t we all, you know, do that when we sleep?
When was the last time you saw the second person on your top?
Thursday of finals week, I believe.
Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
I haven’t let anyone go. They always let me go. Jerks.
Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
I know for a fact at least one person doesn’t. She doesn’t have any qualms about telling me.
Are looks important?
Kinda. Not enough to flip out about.
What is your current mood?
Excited. We might actually have a place to live in the fall now!
Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?
At 5:45 AM? Are you kidding?
Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
They’re always open.
Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Nope.
Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Nope.
Are you eating anything right now?
Jolly Ranchers!
Who do you think reads these?
Matt does, I know that, ‘cause he comments. Maggie probably does, I don’t know if anyone else does.
Do you have a calendar in your room?
I kinda don’t really have that much of a room right now.
Where are you?
On the floor in the living room.
What’s your plan for the day?
Well, there are 12 minutes left in the day, so…sit around for twelve minutes.
Ever been in love?
Sure.
Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Yup. All the time.
Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yup.
Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
Sometimes.
What is your “Song of the Week”?
The Jagermeister Love Song by Psychostick. So metal.
Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
I’m not a fan of it on guys, but that doesn’t make it wrong.
Do you still watch cartoons?
Sometimes.
Whats your favorite love movie?
Can Armageddon count? I really don’t like that many movies
What do you drink with dinner?
Water. Or milk.
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