God, do you people remember these?
“I got boob tonight!”
Today’s song: Symphony 1 in The Barrel of a Gun by Emily Wells
The Edge: A Review
Ever been at a rave party with blasting music and flashing lights and thought, “man, this would be a great place for upscale dining?”
Apparently that’s what the owners of The Edge thought.
Back story: Meanne’s birthday was Thursday, so she invited us all to go to dinner with her tonight at a place called The Edge.
So we all show up—Ben, Kate, Alyssa, Alyssa’s husband, Khara, and some other dude who was in our psych stats class whose name escapes me (but he was cool), and myself. We all get there on time.
About an hour later, Meanne and her other Vancouver friends (the non-grad-school-tortured ones) show up.
By this point, a few of us notice that the music has been getting progressively louder. Like, to the point where regular conversation could not be heard. Ben and I were right next to each other and had to shout. Add in camera flashes going off approximately every thirty seconds and the DJ standing right behind us (I had a great eyeline shot and spent the better half of the night glaring at him evilly with hopes that he’d see me and turn the music down), we pretty much were at a rave party that happened to have tables.
I do feel a bit sorry for our waiter, though. There were like 14 of us, half of us showed up an hour late, and Ben and I, about three hours in when the decibel assault was too much to bear any longer, were actually grooving out like we were in a rave party and waving our arms around like a bunch of idiots. So I gave him like a $5 tip for a $15 salad (that sucked).
Fun times in Vancouver.
Today’s song: April Rain by Delain
Waiter! There’s a decade in my century!
Happy New Year, you silly things! Let’s hope 2010 is kind to us all.
Oh, and hanging out with Sean, Aaron, and Megan again = awesome. Poor Sean has so much freaking drama in his life, but what can you do, eh? I just got back from their house and I miss them already.
I don’t want to go back tomorrow.
Today’s song: United State of Pop (Blame it on the Pop) by DJ Earworm
Ahhhh, band…
Nothing beats a day with the band. I missed all you dorks (even Beau), and I forgot how much beer we got offered at tailgating. I miss band more than I thought—I guess, about as much as I thought, because I figured I’d miss it a lot.
I also missed hanging out with you silly things. We need to do something when I come back up.
Excursion to Moscow
I’m excited to see you dorks again. People up here are very different from me…they’re so “mature.” They’re all “Marriage, babies, financial responsibility!” and I’m like, “naked Rock Band!”
And I’m not very comfortable that they’re so open about the other people they dislike. It’s a bit disconcerting, considering there are quite a few people they don’t seem to think deserve any respect at all.
DAVID BOWIE’S CROTCH
GOD this is the most I’ve laughed in awhile (last time was when Sean was playing Viva Piñata. I’ve never seen him as stressed out as when he’s playing that game). We totally should have recorded the David Bowie’s Crotch song(s) and made and album. And the whole screeching into the mic for overdrive was too much. Loved it. I can’t believe my dad didn’t hear a decibel of that.
*in best Comic Book Guy voice* “Longest move ever.”
Holy crap. So from about 3:00 PM yesterday (or whenever we got back from St. Marie’s, Matt, I can’t remember) to approximately 5:00 this afternoon, I’ve been moving out/helping Sean move to his new apartment. No sleep. Mashed potatoes break for both of us around midnight, but that was it.
But damn, I got that kitchen clean.
What’s worse is the fact that I have to go work a 22-hour shift in two hours. Please kill me now.
As much as I love my roomies…
WOOHOO, BAND FRIENDS!!
It’s been awhile. We all need to hang out more before I disappear to the north and you all stay here.
We also need to take our clothes off together more.
But that’s nothing new.
Don’t worry, Pluto…I’m not a planet either
I’m sitting in a hotel in Seattle, waiting to board the cruise ship tomorrow. I’m bored. Therefore, you get more MSN Messenger Snippets of Wisdom. Because that’s what I’m calling them now. These were all with Sean (who is the blue one).
This is difficult, but oh man, I can’t WAIT to see the fit of that regression line!
you’re not serious
“Ah, a funeral march. This will show how good our band is at slower music. Hmm, what else should we have? Oh! Thunder and Blazes! Clown music ALWAYS sounds best when paired with a funeral march!”
Haha, at one point I was reading him Leibniz
you sure are quite the romantic, aren’t you?
I need to calculate exactly how much free time I actually have in a week, just to see how much more I could feasibly be doing
you are weird
I have approximately 92 hours of free time a week, and that’s with the overestimation of 10 hours of homework per week
13.14 hours a day, that’s pretty good
you are so weird
I‘d have 13.28 per day if it weren’t for Psi Chi
Oh crap, I forgot the recitation sessions!
Ha, 13 exactly!
I’m awesome at rounding off my free time
you are SO weird
We’ve got a “Highway to Hell” and a “Stairway to Heaven,” right?
What’s up with that? Why are the righteous being punished by having to climb stairs?
I mean yeah, I guess the stairs could represent the fact that it’s more of a struggle to get into heaven, but seriously, why do the damned get the easier route to their eternity?
If it gets to that point, you’d think the holy would get to take a cab or something, or at least an escalator
Oh, by the way, if someone ever tells you to calculate a successive differences variance estimator for any data set larger than 10, run in the opposite direction as fast as you can
yeah, that’s something I needed to be told
“Mathematics and statistics requirements can be met by taking courses in the Department of Mathematics and the Department of Statistics”
No freaking way, you serious?!
I found a Leibniz clock and I want it
what the hell is a Leibniz clock?
A clock with Leibniz on it
I thought the first half was crap
At least, more crap than the second half
Which is also substantial in the quantity of crap
Eat it, Symbolic Logic!
(Talking about the finals schedule)
I could reschedule Symbolic Logic into the “When Hell Freezes Over” slot, I suppose
I’d have to teach Philosophy 104: The Best of All Possible Philosophy Classes, just to see who catches on
So apparently, according to this test, I’m a neurotic intellectul with no soul and poor social skills
Hahaha, I spelled “intellectual” wrong
Fail
I keep waiting for Gordon Freeman to crash through the window with his crowbar
We actually sort of worked at work today
We were all “what is this ‘manual labor’ crap?”
(Talking about zeppelin models being sold on eBay)
Haha…I can imagine the feedback on that Hindenburg model: “the damn thing burst into flames and disintegrated on my lawn! I want my money back!”
Side note: this Philosophy Quiz is kicking my ass
“In which position did Albert Camus play football?”
The fuck should I know?
I thought all he did was bitch about his existence and then contract the plague
Throngs of Thongs!
Hahaha, so noodle night tonight reminded me of an incident last Friday that I forgot to blog about.
So.
We (Aaron, Lanky, and I) were driving down Jackson to go to Mongolian BBQ (as per usual on Fridays).
We stopped at the light at 6th street and we saw this group of young runners crossing the street. I figured it was the high school track team practicing.
Then we see this guy running with them.
Who was naked.
Except for a thong.
Everybody in the running group seemed pretty cool with it, as did the thong guy, who just jogged across the street like there was nothing unusual going on.
We were going to follow him, but they ran behind the silos, so we just laughed.
Too sick to do anything but reminisce
I’m way to freaking sick to do anything productive today. Therefore, you get random MSN Messenger quotes from me. Because all I did today was reread the histories of my conversations. Note the surprising amount of times I say “spaghetti” and “orgasm” in the same sentence.
Haha, I’m listening to the Bloodhound Gang and I’m at the part in Three Point One Four where he’s singing “VAAGIIIIIIIIINA!” and my dad’s upstairs yelling “what the hell are you listening to?!”
“Mobius strips always have one-sided relationships”
“Mobius strips: they’re never two-faced”
You didn’t have to watch Roy (my supervisor) suspiciously mouth an Otter Pop this afternoon, so you’re lucky in that respect
Haha, that’d be a great slogan. Welcome to the U of I, where the education system is backwards and plastic expands without reasonable cause
Microsoft: helping you fudge percentages 102% of the time
CNN: where obscure news headlines make you go “WTF?”
“Hundreds of Dead Fish Trap Residents”
“Snake Slithers into Reporter’s Pants”
“Asst. Principal Arrested for Pimping”
*nom nom nom* “Where’s your director’s cut now?!” *nom nom nom*
When all else fails, play Rock Band
But now I have spaghetti, and it tastes orgasmic
U of I Don’t Know What the Hell We’re Doing
Scandinavia produces amazingly hot people
Hot as in “sexy,” of course, ’cause it’s cold up there
I’m orgasming over this freaking amazing spaghetti
AAAAAAAAH SYMBOLIC LOGIC ON WIKI MY HEAD EXPLODE
Damn you, Godel!
Unless he’s (Aaron’s) drunk, in which case he’s fallen out of the drumming chair and is on the floor giggling
And Sean’s shouting “GET THE HELL OFF THE FLOOR, WE’RE NOT FAILING OUT ON BOSTON!!”
Fuck the comma!
(Quite different from “fuck, the comma!”)
SPAGHETTI ORGASM!
Sean says: you should play this game
This is Not a Screen Name says: I can’t, I’m writing a gay love scene
Sean says: …
This is Not a Screen Name says: Wanna read it?
Sean says: …
Sean says: …
Sean says: …maybe
I need someone else to dress as Newton so we can have some sort of dramatic calculus duel or something
Can I put up that one where you look like you’re taking a crap on the bus?
“Let’s go see what’s going on on my page OH MY GOD MY EARS!”
Also, that zeppelin game has consumed my soul
Let’s hope Ross had an influx of short dude’s pants malfunctions
Well yeah, but Newton was a bitch
My limbic system blows
I guess I’ll just have to love my dead sexy intellectuals on my own
Descartes has laser vision
You’ve guilt-tripped me into thinking I guilt-tripped you
How’s that for a Claudia moment?
Gee, it sure would help if I had my FREAKING NOTE
S*
SO ANGRY CANNOT TYPE
How in the world do you make a professional-looking collage?
Spellcheck the freaking magazine word cut-outs?
I seriously have much better things to do with my time than make a collage for a 300-level class
Like bitch about making a collage for a 300-level class, for example
Haha, at least the logic final will make sense, nothing like “from no premises, prove that love is universal”
So…you’re saying you’ve never wanted a dead guy down your pants?
Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if popular American books and movies were made in England instead
“The Green Kilometer”
“The Colour Purple”
“Celsius 233”
Hahaha, “The Tony Blair Witch Project”
I don’t know who Tukey is, but he and his W test can die
Did you have one that was as grammatically incorrect as a sentence could be?
It was like, “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to live up to __________________”
I should have written in “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to write good proper” or something
It’s got rainbows on it, so it can’t be all bad
“Funeral Home Assistant”
“Job entails: moving bodies, lawn maintenance”
WTF?
“Move this body over here, then go get the weed-whacker”
Oooh, and then my floppy disk turned into a hard drive and I RAM’ed you so hard up your USB drive that you ejaculated a CD
The sun rises in the east, as the bun rises in the yeast
Haha, so…
You know you’re a geek when you can hold a two-hour long conversation with a person about the following (while making ramen and instant mashed potatoes):
– Pokemon (cards)
– Pokemon (Gameboy, all versions prior to Crystal)
– Doom
– Quake (and how hard the last few levels are to beat)
– lolcats
– 4chan
– Rickrolling
– Rickrolling 4chan
– lolcats Rickrolling 4chan
– Fallout 2
– Fallout 3
– Matricies
– Strategies for understanding the accents of all the foreign teachers in the math/stats departments
– Stupid math jokes
– Calculus
– Futurama
Yeah, this was Lanky and I. We need help.
Our fridge
We have a lot of magnetic words on our fridge. It was my goal over the break to write down all of our dirty sentences we had made over the semester. Here they are (I cited who wrote each sentence for each one I remember the author, so obviously there are a lot of mine, since I remember which ones I wrote):
“Fiddle my hot dirty pickle as I fondle myself in the shower.”
“This language is manipulated by us.” –Me
“Please friend, never incubate meat in our puppy.” –Michael (I think)
“Frantically nibble happy banana.” –Sean
“Come hit on me as I am madly cool and happy.” –Sean
“We only lie to you when it is time which it is always.” –Michael
“No men find my sturdy pants special.” –Me
“She is hot so we must screw.” –Me
“Throughout winter I will pretend to have power” –Michael
“Luscious brine woman shakes the pallid monkey prince’s huge torpid man pole and fiddles under his bed with candy girl’s mountainous bouncy breasts as she clubs the dark gardener’s apparatus.” –Aaron
“By repulsive I mean lovely.” –Michael
“This picture of the man is hot.”
“No one can can-can like I can.” –Me
“Live fast with no pants.” –Me
“Hump intoxicated.” –Me
“Cook my smooth pink part to introduce the flavor of galoshes.” –Me
“Gorgeous woman friend is your mother.”
“Silly butterfly tripped in the sky and falled.” –Sean
“Smile and know that I am always on top.” –Me
“Love is essential but is in desperate need of a knife at times.” –Michael
“Night breast.” –Me (this has now become our Rock Band band’s name)
“I scream for bare skin.” –Me
“Together those pecuniary drunks will teach dance.”
“Crave perfect cream.”
“Lick his pretty rod.”
“She would blow him but he has two white breasts, not two white balls.” –Me
“Clit torrent.”
“She is wonderful but only in the nude.” –Me
“Rain produced the wet morning.”
“Gimme violet velvet love muffin.” –Sean
“Think with your tool,
Such a nice, firm taco,
Always install tuna into my slot,
My vagina is private but my nipples are bare and stiff,
Together we have enough to nakedly sizzle big johnsons” –Me (don’t ask)
“Know balls like me.”
“Honey watch please as I ram this mad shaft through exquisite pudding.” –Sean
“Ghost pussy.”
“Rub delicious instrument in good deep bush.” –Sean
“Enough trousers! I would like to have sex, and together we will.” –Me
“I enter your bush
With a soft gentle push
And as you bite your lip
You feel it in your slit
Is only the tip
And no room to put it.” –Michael
“Your tremendous pendulous apparatus is enormous and makes me full of passion, as I tremble and plunge into your delicious privates after whispering luscious language that penetrated your heaving bosom.” –Me
“Zip up your fly or I will go downtown and rock your package.” –Me
“Wet urges always smell.” –Me
“Go beg, then gush musk from your nasty mound.”
“There is no use for pants.” –Me (of course)
“Some like it on top.” (on freezer)
“Me? I like it on bottom.” (on fridge)
“Sadly I lick you as my dreams are crushed.” –Me
“I peeked in her slot and saw eternity…or pussy.”
“If you are gone, who will satisfy my wild urges?” –Me
“Languid pumping leaves me out of breath.”
The adventures of Dr. Calculus, Goldstein, and a dumb math joke
We (mainly Sean) have decided that if I were to ever become a superhero, my name would be Dr. Calculus and I would dress up as Leibniz. If I were ever to become a supervillain, on the other hand, my name would be Spectrum. But the only thing I would ever do would be to paint rainbows on everything (in which case, Dr. Calculus would have to follow and clean up after me, all the while muttering, “god dammit, Spectrum!”).
Haha. We thought of all this fun stuff while playing Rock Band tonight. And then I made a really dumb math joke:
Me: “you’re my favorite.”
Aaron: “you’re my favorite favorite.”
Me: “you’re my favorite favorite favorite.”
Aaron: “you’re my favorite to the fourth power!”
Me: “you’re my favorite to the zeroth power, ‘cause that makes you my number one.”
Yeah.
Postpone Purples
Hahaha, best Christmas ever.
I got Rock Band 2!
We played almost every song we knew, including freaking CARRY ON WAYWARD SON and a lot of Journey.
Sean practically molested the new guitar, it was freaking great.
Oh, and the new and improved drums?
BADASS.
Thanks, mom and dad!
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