TYPE ME, BABY

HEYO, so body typing is weird and completely unscientific, but it can be helpful for people who want to…want to dress to accentuate their body shape, I guess?

Anyway, I’m ugly as hell so there’s nothing to accentuate but the ugly, but I like meaningless quizzes and such, so I decided to figure out my Kibbe body type.

Test here!

(Or here, with pics to help)

I fall barely into the “classic” category, but I also suck at describing parts of my body, so.

Fun anyway.

ALRIGHT BITCHES, let’s do a little math.

So I want to try to get another 5,000+ miles this year, because nobody thinks I can do it.

I shall do it.

2017 was the year of exactly 5,100 miles, so let’s compare this year’s pace with 2017’s pace to see what I’d need to do to get to at least 5,000 miles this year.

Through August 15, 2017, I had gone 3,298.9 miles in the year (I was also like a week out from that stupid knee/leg injury thing that slowed me down so much but DID NOT PREVENT ME FROM REACHING MY MILEAGE GOAL HOHOHOHOHOHO)

Through August 15, 2020, I’ve gone 3,164.2 miles in the year.

That means I’m behind pace by 134.7 miles. BUT, like I said, in 2017 I actually had gone 5,100 miles instead of just 5,000. So discounting those last 100 miles puts me only 34.7 miles behind pace.

Not bad.

HOKAY, so let’s just focus on this year, then. 5000 minus 3164.2 gives me another 1,835.8 miles that I’ve got to walk this year. There are 19 weeks (plus a few extra days) left in the year. That breaks down to about 96 miles a week (discounting those last few days), or an average of about 16.1 miles per day six days a week for the rest of the year.

Could I do that?
I absolutely could.

So if I did exactly 16 miles six days a week for the next 19 weeks, that would get me an additional 1,824, which would leave me with an additional 11.8 miles to do over those last few days of the year. Usually I have troubles getting my full six days per week at the end of the year due to travel, but HAHAHAHA THAT’S NOT HAPPENING THIS YEAR, so this should be an issue.

I could totally do it again, guys.

I’m going to do it again.

I Miss My Mom.

United States, get your shit together.

I completely understand the extension on the US-Canada land border closure (AGAIN) and I fully expect it to be closed at least through the end of the year, but it still sucks, yo.

I mean, since I’m a US citizen I could go down there and visit her, but when I came back up here I’d have to quarantine for 14 days. I don’t know if I’d have to quarantine when I got to Idaho?

And since I’m a Permanent Resident of Canada, she could technically come up here to visit me, but she’d have to quarantine up here for 14 days.

So not super feasible.

It just sucks.

Claudia’s Dental Saga: Episode 8

SO…guess who’s back at the dentist?
(This is the eighth time since the end of May, by the way.)

And today was “let’s try to deal with that problem tooth again!”

I was really, really nervous about it, since it was so resistant to the novocaine last time.

But for whatever reason, everything went a lot better today. Apparently, according to my dentist, this is something that happens with some people. They have a region in their mouth that does not respond to novocaine during one visit, but when they come back sometime later, the novocaine is effective.

So at least it’s not just my mouth being a weird fart.

More C-C-C-COVID

Today, Alberta led the Canadian provinces and territories in new active cases of COVID-19. How many new cases did Alberta have?

121.

That’s a good sign, I think. I mean, the province leading in new active cases sucks (especially since it’s only the fourth most populous province in the country), but the fact that it’s leading with such a relatively “small” number is good.

Yay?

I am not having a good time.

Really, really not having a good time.

COVID Rankings

So here’s an interesting ranking of US states and Canadian provinces/territories. Want to see how your state/province/territory is doing with COVID compared to all the others? Take a look. Alberta’s not doing too great compared to the other provinces/territories, but is doing pretty well compared to most states.

Edit from November: yes, this thing keeps updating and I didn’t take any screenshots of it when I originally posted it, so there have been some changes. However, in general, the provinces/territories are still doing quite good compared the states.

Anyway, check it out. It’s interesting

LISTEN, YOU FREAKING PEOPLE:

Using the “99% of people who get COVID don’t die!” as an argument for it not being a serious illness is really, really stupid. Sure, if you get COVID, you probably won’t die. But so many people are reporting other issues post-COVID – some of which may be lifelong complications – that it’s ridiculous to discount those things.

I hate this black and white “it’ll kill you or it won’t, and it probably won’t, so you’re fine” nonsense. If I got COVID and ended up with a long term effect of not being able to walk for more than 10 minutes due to not being able to catch my breath, I would wish that it would have killed me. I can’t live without my walks.

And the fact that those possible long-term side effects aren’t even being considered by a lot of people is really rage-inducing.

Just…UGH I’M MAD.

HO HO HO HO HO I HATE MY LIFE

BYE

More Walking Nonsense

Guys, I am super close to a very big walking goal. Not my 5,000 miles this year (I’ve still got a ways to go for that!), but a walking goal I’ve had since I started working towards when I first moved up here. I suspect I’ll hit it within the next month and a half or so, so expect a big blog post about it then!

But for now…VAGUE GOAL POSTING IS VAGUE

‘Murica

Haha, wow, this is funny, accurate, and extremely sad all at the same time.

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

Remember my dream the other day? Remember how there was an explosion in Beirut in that dream?

It was the explosion in Beirut. The one that actually happened yesterday.

Like…I didn’t even make the connection until today. I read “explosion in Beirut” as a news story title on CNN yesterday and really thought nothing of it. You hear “explosion in Beirut” and you think, like, a car exploded or something.

It wasn’t until I saw a video of the explosion today – and saw how massive it was – that I connected the explosion in my dream to the actual explosion.

It is the same explosion. I’m not even kidding.

Like, this video?

That is what I saw in the dream. Almost exactly. Same angle, same intensity of explosion, everything.

That is creepy as fuck.

If there’s a similar explosion in France at some point soon, the end of the world is coming, yo.

Paper

Hahaha, I love this. What’s your paper title?

Mine is “Critiquing Silences as Performance.” That sounds like a real paper, actually.

LOOK AT THIS CLOUD AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That is one seriously looming cloud. It’s supposed to storm later; wonder where it’s going to come from?

Edit: no storm at all, haha. Just a lot of wind.

So this was the most realistic-feeling and absolutely terrifying dream I’ve ever had.

The end of the world is coming and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. It’s irreversible. And much like the virus, the experience almost doesn’t seem real. It’s like watching a horror movie and waiting to see how the ending will resolve itself, all the time knowing that the movie is reality and the only resolution is the absolute end of everything.

We watch a live map of the world, waiting. Knowing that the end is coming. Knowing that we can’t stop it. We can only watch and wait. But there’s an expert with us, and he can tell us when it’s all about to be over. There’s a level of comfort in that, somewhere.

For a while there’s nothing. Then, an explosion. Beirut. It’s big enough that it can be seen from space. Live cameras in the city show the massive blast move outward from its epicenter with a speed and intensity that does not seem survivable.

Is it nuclear?
No. Not this one. The expert assures us that this is not the end.

Smoke fills the live camera views. Some cameras go offline. A shot from the ISS shows the explosion’s cloud breach the earth’s lower atmosphere and billow above it.

Another explosion. It is somewhere in France, but we can’t see the exact location because of all the smoke on the map.

Is this one nuclear?
No. Not this one, either. But the next one will be.

So we wait. Excited dread. Fearful hope that it will be quick and as painless as possible.

We wait.
We wait.
Then it happens.

A third explosion, big enough that it blots out the entire world map. All live cameras go black. The map shudders and goes blank.

This is it, the expert says.
This is it.

It’s like a dream. It can’t be real. This is something that would happen in a TV show or a book or a movie. Not real life. It can’t be real.

How long until we die? No one knows. No one is here to tell us anymore. The expert is suddenly gone.

I want my mom. I need to talk to my mom. I want her to be the last person I talk to. Somehow, by some miracle, I am able to message her over Skype.

Are you there?
Yes.
Are you scared?
Yes.
Me too.
I love you.
I love you, too.

I feel the wind, even though I’m in the house. It stings as if it’s filled with tiny needles. My body hurts. My lungs hurt. Then the walls of the house are gone.

Are you still there?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you, too.

The atmosphere feels like it’s collapsing in on itself. There is a terrible crushing feeling as everything starts to flatten. The horizon flattens. All houses that are still standing flatten. My vision is distorted. Everything hurts.

Are you still there?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you, too.

Everything hurts.
Everything hurts.

What could we have changed to prevent this?

Everything hurts.

Where is Nate?
Where is Jazzy?
All the creatures on the planet are dying a horrible, painful death.

Can we try again? We’ll get it right this time.

Are you still there?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you, too.

Everything hurts.

Please, can we try again?

Sound waves stop being able to fluctuate. First there is static, then there is nothing. Everything is too flat for sound.

Then everything is too flat for light.

Am I even alive, or is this what the end of life feels like?
I can’t be the only one. Not yet. Either we’re all dead or none of us are.

I can’t hear. I can’t see. I don’t know if I’m breathing.
I just know that it’s over. There is no more one last try.

Are you still there?

Hello?

…I love you.

SOUND THE ALARM

Hello friends. Today I want to share with you all of the alarms that I have on my phone.

Why, you ask?

Because that’s the kind of worthless content I’m sure you’ve all come to expect from me.
Because it’s…uh…interesting. Yeah, let’s go with that.

Anyway. Here is the list of all the alarm times I have as options on my phone:

  • 00:00
  • 00:10
  • 00:15
  • 00:30
  • 00:45
  • 01:30
  • 02:00
  • 02:20
  • 02:20
  • 02:30
  • 02:34
  • 02:38
  • 02:40
  • 02:47
  • 02:55
  • 03:00
  • 03:05
  • 03:10
  • 03:20
  • 03:25
  • 03:30
  • 03:31
  • 03:32
  • 03:35
  • 03:36
  • 03:37
  • 03:40
  • 03:42
  • 03:45
  • 03:50
  • 03:51
  • 03:55
  • 04:00
  • 04:05
  • 04:10
  • 04:15
  • 04:20
  • 04:30
  • 04:33
  • 04:35
  • 04:40
  • 04:45
  • 04:51
  • 04:55
  • 05:00
  • 05:05
  • 05:10
  • 05:13
  • 05:15
  • 05:20
  • 05:30
  • 05:35
  • 05:36
  • 05:40
  • 05:41
  • 05:43
  • 05:45
  • 05:46
  • 05:50
  • 05:55
  • 06:00
    06:05
  • 06:08
  • 06:12
  • 06:15
  • 06:20
  • 06:25
  • 06:27
  • 06:30
  • 06:32
  • 06:35
  • 06:40
  • 06:42
  • 06:45
  • 06:47
  • 06:50
  • 06:52
  • 06:55
  • 07:00
  • 07:05
  • 07:15
  • 07:20
  • 07:25
  • 07:30
  • 07:35
  • 07:40
  • 07:45
  • 07:55
  • 08:00
  • 08:07
  • 08:10
  • 08:15
  • 08:20
  • 08:24
  • 08:25
  • 08:26
  • 08:27
  • 08:30
  • 08:35
  • 08:39
  • 08:40
  • 08:45
  • 08:53
  • 08:54
  • 09:00
  • 09:05
  • 09:10
  • 09:15
  • 09:25
  • 09:30
  • 09:45
  • 10:00
  • 10:30
  • 10:45
  • 10:48
  • 11:35
  • 11:56
  • 12:15
  • 12:20
  • 12:25
  • 12:30
  • 12:48
  • 12:50
  • 13:45
  • 13:40
  • 13:45
  • 13:48
  • 14:30
  • 14:40
  • 14:50
  • 15:00
  • 15:30
  • 15:40
  • 15:45
  • 17:05
  • 17:15
  • 17:30
  • 17:40
  • 17:45
  • 18:00
  • 21:45
  • 21:50
  • 22:30
  • 23:15
  • 23:20
  • 23:30
  • 23:50

I’m sure you have questions. Let me answer them.

Q: That’s 146 different alarms.
A: Not really a question, but…yes.

Q: Do you use them all in a single day?
A: God, no.

Q: Do you not have a snooze function on your phone?
A: I do have a snooze function on my phone. The problem with the snooze function is that my lizard brain goes “DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO MAKE THE BEEPING STOP” and I will, in the half-daze of sleep, manage to disable it.

Q: Why are there several sequences of alarms going off every minute?
A: Because I really, really, really have trouble waking up.

Q: How many of these do you usually utilize to wake up in the morning?
A: I’d say anywhere from 10 to 30 of them. Depends on when I’m getting up.

Q: Why are there so many in the morning but not as many in the afternoon/night?
A: Because I’m usually up by that point. Usually.

Q: An alarm at 02:34 in the morning?
A: Yes.

Q: What the hell is wrong with you?
A: Many, many things.

Number Four

Today is our fourth wedding anniversary! YAY!

Sometimes it seems like we haven’t been married nearly that long, but sometimes it feels like we’ve known each other and been together much, much longer.

We’re approaching the peak of the divorce curve, but I think we’re doing pretty amazing. We’ll make it over the top and well into that right skew, I suspect. I love you, Nate!

Perfect

I’m not a very lucky person, but I am damn lucky when it comes to pulling perfect cards in Out of the Park. I don’t remember when I got OOTP 20 (I had OOTP 18 first; that’s the one I used for my fake Canadian League Baseball simulation), but I looked it up and found that I got my first perfect card (Scherzer) on December 14th of last year. Since then, I’ve gotten and additional five perfect cards.

Here are my dudes:

I’m pretty proud of my little perfect card collection, not gonna lie.

(Especially Scherzer.)

What’s Your Fashion Footprint?

Give it a try!

I’m surprised mine is so low, honestly.

Claudia’s Dental Saga: Episode 7

So after the madness that was my dental experience last time, I had to go back today (YAY) to get even more cavities filled on the top left-hand teeth. Unlike the previous visits, during which I trusted the novocaine to numb the pain and thus wasn’t too concerned with the drilling, this time I was really freaking tense the whole way through, because I was afraid that at any minute, the novo would stop working and I would suddenly feel a drill going through my tooth.

But luckily, everything seemed to work out okay this time. Hopefully whatever is going on with that backmost upper tooth is just going on with that tooth and nowhere else.

Party time.

THE OUCH OF THE TOES

Me: You know what would be a fun addition to daily 15-mile walks?
Toes: Don’t say it.
Me: Replacing some of the miles with 13-mile runs!
Toes: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—

Yeah, they’re angry. I don’t blame them.

Haha, I love how every summer there are at least five blogs dedicated to how much I’ve brutalized my feet.

My SOUL

I’ve been in some sort of “Handle With Extreme Care” mode as far as my emotions go due to this whole COVID thing. I don’t know if that’s why I was bawling uncontrollably throughout this whole song or if that is a completely natural reaction to how beautiful this is.

Edit: I love how some of the singers were signing. That’s awesome.

K, I’m Out.

Same, blue bin. Same.

Another hailstorm? This blue bin was like “Nope. Bye y’all, good luck with the rest of this year.”🤣 #yyc #yycstorm #abstorm

@cityofcalgary, this should give the Waste & Recycling folks a good chuckle!

Originally tweeted by Mary Kirk (@iamMaryKirk) on July 23, 2020.

Big Surv

A thing.

Apparently these are questions that could be asked of anyone but geared toward a potential romantic partner. I already got me one of them, so let’s just pretend I’m taking another survey, ‘cause we all know I don’t have enough surveys on the blog, right?

I took out the “Sex” category, though. ‘Cause who cares.

Questions About Likes, Interests, and Passions

How do you like to pass the time?
I spend a lot of my time walking (“walking” will be a frequent answer to a lot of these questions, I suspect). I also like to blog, write, draw, and listen to music (which is time I spend thinking or fantasizing).

What are some of your hobbies?
Walking, drawing, reading, blogging, writing, pretending to be hilarious.

What genre of books do you like to read?
Does “classics” count as a genre? Refer to my “200 Books” list. Those are the types of books I read, because I haven’t read a thing that isn’t on that list since, like, 7th grade.

What are some of your favorite books?
Please see this blog post!

What are some of your favorite TV shows?
Please see this blog post!

What are some of your favorite movies?
Please see this blog post!

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?
I think it was Captain Marvel.

What’s the best vacation you’ve ever taken?
UHHHHHH that cruise to Alaska with my mom and dad when I was just out of high school was fun. I’ve done that same cruise like five times, but that one was memorable because it was one of the few times where we went on vacation as a family.

Where do you want to go next on vacation?
Moscow. Just. Moscow. I’m pissed that I won’t be able to go down there this year. It’d also be nice to do our planned retirement trip with my mom, either to the redwoods and a Mets game in San Francisco OR a Mets game in Washington, DC plus the Baseball Hall of Fame.

What do you normally do on the weekend?
Well, normally I go on a nice, long walk around the city with my husband, but due to COVID, our access to stopping points (bathrooms, drinking fountains, malls, restaurants) is severely restricted, so we haven’t really done any super exciting walks this year. It’s disappointing. I really love our weekend walks.

Would you say you’re more of an introvert or extrovert?
Introvert, definitely. People are draining. Alone time is magic.

What’s your Myers-Briggs personality type?
I’m an INTJ!

What’s your Enneagram number?
Five.

Do you like to work out?
I love working out. It’s one of the few times I feel relatively happy anymore.

How do you feel about cooking?
Meh. Fancy shmancy recipes do nothing for me because I can’t taste like 50% of things, so cooking doesn’t really appeal to me, either.

What’s your favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Dinner I guess? I have food at like 4 AM, so whatever the hell that qualifies as.

What type of music do you listen to?
Do I like it? I’ll listen to it. My Decade of Music project showed me that my musical tastes span many genres.

What’s your all-time favorite song?
All-time? That’s hard. I really love Sleepyhead still, but I also really like Running Away. So I’m not sure.

Who’s the first artist or band you saw live?
Nate and I saw OK Go a few years ago.

Who’s the most recent artist or band you saw live?
OK Go. That’s the only band I’ve ever seen live.

What’s the first play or musical you ever saw?
Uh…I’m not sure, actually. I’m sure I was taken to some sort of Shakespeare or something when I was younger.

What’s the most recent play or musical you saw?
Again, not sure, haha. For a “professionally” performed play, it might have been all the way back in 2006 when I saw “Death of a Salesman” performed at the U of I.

Do you listen to podcasts? If so, which ones?
I do not listen to podcasts, no.

What would be your “at bat” song?
“Reaching for Higher Ground” by TNGHT (specifically, 0:48)

Do you have any hidden talents?
I don’t have any regular talents.

Do you play any sports?
Nope. I played t-ball when I was like seven, but that’s the only organized sport I ever played.

Do you play any musical instruments?
Yes! Clarinet, flute, oboe, sax, drums, tuba…others I can’t remember right now. Haha, it’s been a while since I’ve actually played.

Do you have any pet peeves?
Many. Most of them revolve around people being discourteous walkers and not paying attention to their surroundings. Seriously, how hard is it to notice that you and your group of moron friends are standing in the middle of the pathway, blocking it for everyone else?

What’s your favorite season and why?
Summer. Summer, summer, summer. I love the sun and the long, long days. The good thing about Calgary is that the summers don’t get too hot, but they get warm enough so that I don’t feel frozen all the time (like I do every other time of the year).

If your house was on fire and you could only bring out three things, what would they be?
Assuming my husband and the animals are already safe, I would select 1) my hard drive/USB (I keep both of them in the same baggie, so I’m counting the whole thing as one unit); 2) my laptop; 3) Uh…not sure.

Who are some of your favorite celebrities?
I don’t know if I really have any. I’ve always liked Tom Hanks, though.

If you could have a beer/coffee with anyone in the world, alive or dead, who would it be?
Gottfried Leibniz. No question. There’s not even a close second. I don’t care that we don’t speak the same language. Just let me bask in his presence.

If you could time travel to any period throughout history, what you pick?
Late 1600s (say, around 1680 or so). Again, Leibniz.

How do you take your coffee?
I don’t drink coffee.

Are you allergic to anything?
Some pollen. Pineapple. An asthma medicine. The sun (okay, it’s not a technical allergy; it’s a sensitivity to UV light that causes a wonky immune response).

Are you a morning person or an evening person?
Definitely an evening person, though I’m such an extreme evening person that I’m most awake at like 4 AM, so…morning person?

What’s your favorite holiday?
Probably Christmas, just because it usually means I’m with my mom.

How you typically celebrate your favorite holiday?
I guess sometimes I’m in the airport alone, haha, but usually at least part of the day is spent hanging out with my mom and opening a few presents.

How do you feel about social media?
Eh. I’m getting pretty sick of people on Facebook. Like, really? All you can post are memes? I have nothing against memes, but ugh, it’s the same things over and over again.

What’s your favorite animal?
Cats. I love cats. Cats and I get each other.

What’s your favorite food?
Broccoli is great. So is cheese.

What’s your go-to alcohol drink?
I don’t do alcohol.

Questions About Childhood and Teenage Years

What were you like as a kid growing up?
Weird. I was a weird kid. Once I lost that little bit of popularity after 1st grade, people really didn’t like me all that much. Not that I really cared. I was in my own little world, haha.

Did you enjoy school? Why or why not?
I was pretty indifferent to it until about 8th grade. Then I hated it.

How did you spend your summers growing up?
Screwing around, haha. I am an only child, and when I was a kid/teenager, this translated into being super obnoxious with either a tape recorder (pretending I was a radio show host) or a camcorder (making movies, songs, etc.).

What was your favorite subject in high school?
Band was always a favorite. I also took drama in 12th grade; that was a super fun class.

Who did you look up to as a child?
My mom?

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be some sort of artist or writer. Until I realized I had zero talent.

When did you have your first relationship? With whom?
I didn’t have my first relationship until I was technically an adult.

Who was your first childhood crush?
Hahaha. Lead. Lead was my crush for a HUGE proportion of my childhood/adolescence. It was actually really sad.

Where do you think your parents did a good job raising you?
I do, yes.

Where do you think parents missed the mark when raising you?
My parents did a good job. I’m a terrible person despite that.

What did you love as a kid that you hate now?
I used to really like going over to friends’ houses and hanging out. I don’t really do that anymore, and whenever I have to, there’s a lot of dread.

What did you dislike as a child that you now enjoy?
I wasn’t really an outdoorsy kid, I don’t think. I love being outside and walking now.

What was your relationship like with your partners growing up?
My partners? Like…friends? I didn’t have a romantic relationship until I was 19, so let’s just consider friends.

Did you have a relationship with your grandparents growing up?
Ha. HA. Yeah, let’s not get into that, huh?

Were you close to your brothers or sisters growing up?
No siblings!

Are you still friends with your friends from childhood?
Nope.

Any unique struggles you had to face as a teen? What were they?
My grandma was incredibly emotionally abusive to my mom and me. And we lived with her for quite a long time. That’s not something a lot of people get to deal with, I don’t think. Grandmas are supposed to be kind.

Did you hide anything or lie to your parents while growing up?
I was pretty much constantly sad and frustrated, but I tried not to show that too often. I probably didn’t do very well.

What did you call your mom and dad growing up?
Just “mom” and “dad,” mostly. I called my dad “D” when I was younger, though, and he called me “C.”

Did you ever get in trouble as a kid?
Just mild trouble. I never did anything horrible, I don’t think.
Except for robbing that bank when I was seven; long story.

What’s the dumbest thing you ever did as a kid?
Once, when I was in elementary school, my friend Kelly came over to my dad’s house and we, for whatever reason, decided to write really mean letters to him. I wrote that he was a bad dad, I didn’t love him, etc., thinking it was a funny joke to play on him. Then we gave him the letters and he, obviously, got really upset. I have no idea what ever motivated us to do that. It was stupid and really cruel, and I still feel bad for doing it. I love my dad.

What do you wish you could go back and tell the kid version of yourself?
You think you’re going to be happier when you get older. You won’t be. So just give up on thinking that, as it will save a lot of pointless daydreaming.

What was your style like as a teenager?
I had my obligatory “ALL BLACK ALL THE TIME” year, but for the majority of my teenage-hood, I wore a lot of color. Like now. Like always.

What books changed the way you thought about the world?
I can’t think of any particular book or books that I read as a kid/teen that changed the way I thought about the world, but reading in general really changed how I viewed the world from a “how would I write about this?” perspective. I’ve always liked both writing and reading, and I think from a youngish age I read books with the idea of using them to try to improve my own writing. That’s in part why I started my “200 Books” list way back in 7th grade.

Who was your favorite teacher?
In elementary school, it was my third grade teacher, Mrs. Wimer (I think that’s how her last name is spelled?). In junior high, it was my earth science teacher. Mr. LaFortune. In high school, my band teacher, Mr. Garrett.

What’s a fad from your childhood you would totally bring back?
I was going to say Pokemon, but I guess that’s kind of been brought back with Pokemon Go!, eh? What about the trading cards? Those aren’t as big now, I don’t think. OOOH, what about internet chatrooms? I guess that was more 2000s than 90s, but I was still technically a kid/teen in the early 2000s, so that totally counts.

What’s a fad from your childhood we should absolutely never bring back?
Furbies were absolute hell children. Let’s not.

What are your earliest happy memories?
Living in Troy with my mom was a happy time, I think. That was when I was in 1st/2nd grade. I got to hang out with her a lot. We had the cats and Mindy. I had a treehouse. I hung out with GE a lot. We would drive into Moscow to shop at Tidyman’s. We had an old Macintosh computer and I’d play Cosmic Osmo and Quake. I had that freaking tape recorder that I would not put down. It was fun.

What did your childhood bedroom look like?
I had SO MANY BEDROOMS, dude. We moved around a lot.

Were you more of an “indoor” or “outdoor” kid?
Probably indoor.

Questions About Family

How do you define “family?”
Pretty traditionally. People I’m related to directly or related to through marriage.

Who are you currently closest with in your family?
My mom. It’s always been my mom.

(If they have children) What do you like to do with your kids?
No kids. There will never be kids.

Do you take family vacations?
Nope. The only times we ever really went anywhere as a family (my mom, my dad, and me) were when we went to Washington, DC and when we went on that Alaska cruise.

What’s the fondest memory you have of your family?
Christmases.

How often do you see your family?
Currently? Never, ‘cause of this stupid virus. But I saw my mom last December and my dad came up for a brief visit last summer. I try to see my mom at least twice a year, but I see my dad a lot less frequently because he’s all the way down in Boise now.

How do you like to spend time with your family?
I think one of my favorite things we used to do was go to Mongolian BBQ on Thursday nights with my mom and dad. That was really the one time we all got to hang out and was something I always looked forward to. I miss that a lot.

How much time do you spend with your family?
Again, currently, not much at all. I love to go visit my mom in the summer and over Christmas break when I can, though.

How has your relationship with your family evolved over time?
Not too much. I’m still really close with my mom. I’m about as close to my dad as I ever have been, which is not super close but we get along.

Which TV family most resembles your own?
Ha, I have no idea. We’re decently chill – at least in the immediate family. But we’re also kinda weird, so…the Belcher’s from Bob’s Burgers?

Who in your family would you describe as a “character”?
Uncle Blake, haha.

What’s the biggest holiday in your family?
It used to be Christmas. We don’t spend any holidays together anymore.

How do you celebrate that holiday?
Christmas was GREAT. We’d spend Christmas Eve at my mom’s house with the cats/dogs and would open presents from her side of the family. Then we’d spend Christmas at my dad’s house (and drag all the cats over there, haha), open all the presents from his side of the family, and watch “A Christmas Story” all day long because it was on all Christmas day on TBS. Super fun.

What are you favorite family recipes?
“Broccoli Bake,” “German Chocolate Cake,” “Layer Cookies,” and “Scones” from my master recipe list. These are the ones I learned from my family.

Do you wish you had more siblings? If so, why?
I used to want siblings. I used to want siblings to the point where I made a life-size “sister” out of paper (she had a “functioning” digestive system and everything). But now I’m fine without siblings.

Do you have any nicknames for family members?
I call my dad “Bobert” for whatever the hell reason; I have no idea where that originated (apart from the fact that his name is Robert but he goes by Bob).

What’s the best piece of advice a family member has ever given you?
I have no idea.

Would you say you’re more like your mom or dad? Why?
I’m very much like my mom in a lot of ways. We have the same sense of humor and morals and stuff like that. But there are a few characteristics of mine that are very much like my dad.

Does your family have reunions?
Nope.

How do you show your family you love them?
I call my mom almost every day. I love to go down to Moscow and visit her and just spend time with her.

How do they show you that they love you?
See above, only reverse it.

What’s something your family would be surprised to learn about you?
How angry of a person I am (and have pretty much always been). I mean, my mom may not be too surprised ‘cause I’ve tried to explain it to her, but I think still she’d be at least a little shocked at just how angry I am all the time.

How much would it matter if your family didn’t approve of your romantic partner?
I can’t see ANYONE not approving of my husband. He is an amazing human being. But back when I was dating a certain someone, I’m pretty sure my mom was wanting to say to me (or did say to me) “hey this guy is pretty toxic” to which I would have replied “lol I know but I want to prove everyone wrong and date him anyway” and well we all know how bad THOSE kinds of decisions are.

How much would it matter if your family didn’t approve of your job?
Meh. I think my mom would be cool with almost any job I had as long as I enjoyed it. I don’t know if my dad really cares.

Questions About Career and Future Goals

Are you happy with where you are in your career?
Sure. I’d like to be a bit further (tenure would be nice!), but considering where I am and the fact that I got here without getting a PhD (and especially given why I didn’t go for a PhD; you can find the reason in my blogs if you search far enough back)? I’ll take it.

What do you enjoy the most about your job?
I absolutely love helping students understand and feel confident with math and statistics. Especially those students who get really anxious with the subjects. I understand where those students are coming from and I feel like I can empathize with them in a way that makes them less afraid of the material. It makes me so happy to see students genuinely understand and even enjoy stats and calculus.

What do you dislike the most about your job?
Sometimes university politics play a bigger role than I think they should, but that’s probably true of any uni job.

If you could change anything about your job, what would it be?
I’d like to teach a wider variety of classes, but I suspect that’s something that could change with time. Heck, I never thought I’d be teaching intro calc, but I am, and I love it.

If you could have any job, what would it be? Why?
The one I have. Because I love teaching math and stats.

Where do you want to be 5 years from now?
In the same job, but with tenure!

Where do you want to be 15 years from now?
See above.

Where do you want to be 30 years from now?
See above (or retired, either is fine).

How would your 12-year-old self react to what you do now?
They’d be pretty shocked. I would have never thought I’d have the guts to speak in front of large crowds/classes, let alone teach while doing so. Also, I don’t think I was super excited about math in 6th/7th grade.

What’s the best career decision you’ve ever made?
Choosing U of C over Carleton University. I had a lot of trouble picking between the two in the summer of 2014, but I think I made the right choice. Who knows how things would have turned out at Carleton.

What’s the worst career decision you’ve ever made?
I don’t know if going to grad school actually counts as a career decision, but every time I’ve gone to grad school (there have been three times now, how sad), it’s been to try to get to a “career” at some point, so I’mma count it. SO, the worst decision was to go to University of Western Ontario to try to get an MA in philosophy. I was at a very bad point in my life when I made that move and I KNEW it was a bad decision, but I did it anyway. I only lasted there for a few weeks before I had to put my mom through the torture of helping me move all my stuff BACK ACROSS NORTH AMERICA AGAIN and then spending like three months unemployed and living in my dad’s basement before things started to, slowly, get better. Rough times.

How will you know when you’ve “made it?”
“Made it” as in “made it in my career of choice” or “made it” as in “accomplished my life goals?” For the career version, a high degree of job security and permanence would do it for me. This is what I’ve been working for over the past four years and the security is finally starting to increase. For the life goals version, I’ll never “make it,” so that’s that.

Have you ever had imposter syndrome?
I still do, yo. There’s no way I feel like I deserve to be in a tenure-track position.

What haven’t you achieved yet in life that you would like to?
A lot. A lot. I don’t want to go into it ‘cause I don’t feel like being even sadder than I already am tonight.

Is this where you thought you’d be in your life at your age?
Hahahaha. No. If you would have told 18-year-old me that I’d be a math/stats instructor at the University of Calgary who was working toward tenure and who absolutely loved teaching math/stats, I would have assumed you were talking to the wrong person.

Are you “real friends” with your “work friends?”
I don’t have any friends.

Do you go out for happy hour with your colleagues after work?
Nope.

What does your family think of your career?
Hopefully they’re proud. I know my dad is disappointed that I didn’t ever get a PhD, but I’m teaching just like he is, so that’s got to count for something, right?

If you could do it all over again, would you pursue the same career? Why or why not?
I’d be worried about actively pursuing this career, since a lot of it came about fairly passively

What are you working towards with your career?
Right now? Tenure. Tenure is the “ultimate goal” at the moment, though of course the goal will change once (if) I get to that point.

At what age do you think you’ll want to retire?
I don’t think I’ll live that long.

What was your first job?
Wendy’s! It was actually a pretty nice gig for a part-time summer job.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
I really haven’t had any bad jobs. I guess the “worst” was that cleaning job at UI, but that was mainly because it was SO DISORGANIZED and we spent like 40% of our time sitting in the van.

Any terrible boss stories?
Nope. I’ve had good bosses!

Questions About Religion and Spirituality

Where you raised religious?
Sorta. My mom isn’t religious but my dad is Catholic. I went to a Catholic elementary school. This was allowed by my mom only because they had an awesome music program, haha.

Do you consider yourself religious?
Nope.

Do you consider yourself spiritual?
Nope.

Do you believe in astrology?
I think it’s fun and I like to try to guess peoples’ star signs, but I don’t read my horoscope and try to live based on what it says.

What do you find most appealing about religion?
It’s probably pretty comforting. Having some sort of higher power (at least for most religions) in control of things, at least to an extent, is a comforting idea.

What do you find least appealing about religion?
How cult-ish it can get. And how hypocritical religious people can get.

What do you like most about going to church, temple, etc.?
I haven’t been to church since like 7th grade or so. The only thing I liked about it was getting the host and wine, because I thought that was fascinating.

Do you believe in a higher power?
Just the universe.

What do you think is the most fundamental aspect(s) of your religion?
Not religious.

What do you want others to know about your religion?
Not religious.

What do you think is the most unique aspect of your religion?
See above!

Do you perform any spiritual or religious rituals? If so, which ones and why?
Nope.

Do you pray?
Nope.

Do you believe in magic?
Not really, no.

Do you believe in ghosts?
In a way, yes.

Do you believe religion conflicts with science?
I don’t know if “conflicts” is the right word. I think religion definitely has the ability to lead people away from scientific results, discoveries, and reasoning, but there have been a lot of very good scientists who have been religious (and probably a decent amount of science-opposed people who have not been religious).

Questions About Politics

Do you enjoy discussing politics?
Not particularly, no.

Do you vote?
I do!

Do you consider yourself a political person?
Nah. I prefer to stay out of it as much as possible, though I will do my duty and vote.

Do you follow politics closely?
Not really. See above.

Which best describes your political beliefs: liberal/left, centrist, conservative/right, or something else?
I’m definitely socially liberal, but maybe more moderate fiscally.

Do you share the same political leanings as your family members?
My mom, yes. I think my dad’s a lot more conservative than I am.

Where do you get your political news?
Mostly CNN right now, though I watch CTV and they have a fair coverage of US politics, especially right now.

Questions About Death

Are you afraid of death?
Nope. I find the idea of dying exciting, actually. It’s something that can’t be avoided. It’s going to happen sooner or later no matter what. That’s…that’s really cool.

What about death scares you the most?
Nothing, really. I guess the only thing that *worries* me about death is anyone who’s left alive who is sad that I died. But that wouldn’t be very many people, so whatev.

What do you believe happens when you die?
My atoms disperse into the universe and I become part of many, many different things.

Do you believe humans have a soul?
I don’t believe in souls.

Do you think often about death?
I do, actually.

What was your first experience with death?
Probably my grandpa dying when I was in 8th grade. He had a fairly rare cancer that basically killed him within a week of us realizing that there was an issue.

If it were possible, would you want to know when and how you die?
Sure. Who cares.

If you could choose how you would die, what would it be?
I’d like to die saving someone else’s life. Like, saving someone from a car wreck or pushing someone out of the way of bus or something. I’d like my death to have some sort of meaning to it, and that’s the best meaning I could think to have.

What do you think of cryogenics?
I’m assuming this question is actually referring to cryopreservation? If so, I’m cool with it for organs and tissues and stuff, but not whole humans. Does it even work for whole humans?

Questions About Handling Difficult Situations

How do you handle stress?
Badly.

How often do you find yourself stressed out?
Fairly frequently.

What stresses you out the most?
A lot of things, haha. Being rushed (like not having enough time to do something or not being able to get somewhere on time easily) is a big one. I also don’t like being in big groups of people. Or situations that are too loud.

How do you engage in self-care?
I crank up the music and enter a daydream/fantasy. I have like six that I generally pick from.

How often do you engage in self-care?
In the above form of self-care? A lot, haha.

How do you like being supported when feeling overwhelmed?
I either like to be left completely alone or be allowed to rant all to hell. Depends on if I’m more sad or more angry.

How do you support your friends, family members, and partners when they’re feeling overwhelmed?
I’m not very good at that, unfortunately. But I’ll listen in case they want to talk.

What are you thoughts on seeing a therapist?
It’s not for me.

(If in therapy) what do you like most about being in therapy?
Therapy does not work for me. Trust me, I’ve tried.

What do you dislike about being in therapy?
Not in therapy.

Well that was hellish. (Claudia’s Dental Saga: Episode 6)

So more dental work today. Today was supposed to just be cavities – not a root canal – so I figured it would be an easier time than the two previous dental visits, right?

WRONG.

I get there and I’m like “k cool let’s do this shit, I’m down with dental nonsense” and they give me two shots of novocaine – one to numb the upper left side of my mouth and one to numb the lower left side of my mouth. My dentist said she was going to do as many cavity fillings as she could in the time we had booked for my appointment, so I guess she wanted both the top and bottom ready (I have cavities in like every single one of my teeth because, as we’ve discussed, I’m an idiot).

So that all goes okay. HGTV is on the TV on the ceiling, so I’m just chilling and watching that while the meds kick in.

Then the dental assistant comes in and says she needs to put in a rubber dam. No big deal; I had that for both root canals.

So she goes to anchor it in my mouth (specifically, on my back upper tooth on the left side) and it HURT LIKE HELL.

Worse than anything involving the root canals ever hurt.
So I kinda freaked out and she took it out.

The dentist gave me another shot of novocaine for the top back row of teeth and they tried it again.
It HURT LIKE HELL.

By this time I was really freaking out because I didn’t know why it was so painful this time (I felt absolutely nothing the previous two times), so I got another shot of novocaine and both the dentist and dental assistant left for a bit because they could see that I was starting to panic and wanted to give me a second to calm down.

So did I calm down?
Nope.

By the time they came back I was in a full-blown panic attack. I was hyperventilating, my fingers were all tingly, I was super light-headed and I was just overall losing my mind.

Luckily, my dentist is awesome. She got a few of those heavy x-ray vests and put them on my chest to try to calm me down. She got the dental assistant to get some cold towels and put them behind my neck and head, then tilted the chair back to help with the light-headedness.

Eventually I stopped freaking out and said I was okay with them trying the whole rubber dam thing again. FIVE MORE SHOTS OF NOVOCAINE LATER (we’re up to nine shots total now), I was still feeling the pain of the clamp on that tooth when they tried to put it on. So they were finally like, “screw it, we’ll just work on the bottom teeth today” and they put the dam on the lower teeth (I didn’t feel it at all) and did four cavity fillings before my appointment time was finally up.

So yeah, super fun.

Oh, also? Calgary got put under a tornado watch as I was walking home and I got caught in a serious rain/hail storm that soaked through my shoes, socks, pants, shirt, and backpack.

Freaking party time.

Edit: I didn’t know how these rubber dam things were actually anchored in the mouth until I looked it up a few days later. It must have been that clamp thingy that hurt so badly.