WE’RE IN THE POSITIVE FAHRENHEITS
TIME TO WALK OUTSIDE ASLF;AJDSFLKAJSFLKAH
Edit: Yeah, it feels really good to be able to go outside and not feel like you’re going to die within 10 minutes. Also, I reached and surpassed this year’s walking mileage goal of 3,500! There’s (practically) no way I’m going to hit 4,000, but I’ll see how far I can go before the end of the year. Assuming this cold lets up.
Yay!
Weather, u ok?
YEAH THIS LOOKS ENJOYABLE
And yes, that’s Fahrenheit, not Celsius.
Okay, weather, I get it. You want to be cold. But you’ve consistently been in the -20s with wind chill for the past week. A bit of warmth would be great.
And by “warmth” I mean “temperatures that don’t cause frostbite within 10 minutes.”
Want to know what -27°F feels like? No. No you don’t.
So Calgary’s in a deep freeze but I still have about 75 more miles to walk to hit 3,500 for the year.
GONNA DO IT, FROSTBITE OR NOT!
Also, what in the hell year was my coat manufactured?
It also talks about using soap flakes to wash it.
Edit: apparently it was likely made around the late 1950s to early 1960s. If so, it is in super good condition for being that old.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la BLOG
We have a Christmas tree!
I also have more crap to put on my trinket shelf.
What is my trinket shelf, you ask? It’s a shelf full of random items I’ve gathered over the years. Behold! (Clicky clicky to make it bigger)
Let me guide you through this nonsense, because some of it’s obvious on the picture and some of it’s not.
- A glass Santa paperweight my dad got me a looooong time ago.
- This doesn’t really belong on the shelf, but I tend to keep it there anyway. It’s a thing that measures the ambient temperature of whatever it’s pointed at.
- A glass seal that my mom gave me.
- A little glow-in-the-dark kitty with angel wings. I think it used to be a pin but the back fell off. I can’t bear to part with cats of any sort, so I kept it.
- A pinecone. Because yeah.
- A keychain from Sweden (that’s missing the keychain part).
- A deer-shaped basket. This was just added to the shelf!
- Rocks.
- LEIBNIZ STAMP. The most important thing on the shelf.
- Totoro plushie with my “I Voted” sticker from this year’s election.
- A rubber ball for dogs. Nate and I both bought dog toys for ourselves at one of the pet stores up here, because we’re adults and we can do whatever we want.
- It’s hard to see on the pic, but the ball is propped up by a small roll of silver tape.
- CLEFAIRY!
- Buddhas from Hawaii.
- A cat that my mom’s old co-worker gave to me.
- A rainbow butterfly that Nate gave me back around the time we first met.
- A random golf ball.
- A sponge that I rescued from the road (I know, I know, gross.)
- Another rescued sponge.
- Pusheen tags.
- A duck that was originally Nate’s.
- Pusheen!
- A green guitar pick I found on the sidewalk.
- The piece of fabric underlying everything is one I’ve been carrying around since like 1999 because I like the pattern.
I don’t know how Nate puts up with me.
NrrNrrNrr
Do you ever wake up in the morning with just the most ridiculous phrase running through your head before you’ve even had time to process the fact that you’re awake?
Example: this morning, as soon as I woke up, I had the phrase “I DO WHAT I DO ‘CAUSE I GOTTA POO” blasting through my mind.
Why.
Doe, a drink with jam and bread…no, wait…
Every once and a while—like, say, every nine months or so, I get this song stuck in my head for like 20 hours straight:
I originally saw this on Albino Blacksheep back in the internet Stone Age (~2005), but now when you Google “cat I’m a kitty cat” the Albino Blacksheep link isn’t even in the first 5 results. Sadness. Albino Blacksheep is great.
Claudia Ranks the States by Shape
This is as subjective as it is pointless. BUT SO IS MY LIFE so here we go. From best to worst.
Idaho
I’M NOT BIASED, YOU’RE BIASED
Seriously, though. I like the shape of Idaho. I think it’s one of the more distinctive US shapes (as in, if you see it you’re like, oh, I know what state that is) and it stands out in the Western states by having quite a bit of jaggedness to it on one side.
Utah
I like Utah’s shape. Simple but distinctive. Mormons know how to do it.
Alaska
This state could eat a good number of other countries. I approve.
Texas
I hate having Texas so high up on this list, but you have to admit that it’s a very distinctively-shaped state. Everyone knows which state is Texas. Except Americans.
Hawaii
Islands and volcanoes!
New Mexico
Nothingness and excessive heat! I like the shape, though.
Nevada
Do you like 105 degree weather, hordes of drunk people, losing all your money, neon lights on everything, and a state that exists solely to wall in Las Vegas? Come to Nevada!
Arizona
Arizona is home to a tiny town called “Tuba City” which automatically makes the state this high on the list.
There’s also the Grand Canyon and whatnot, but…
Tuba City.
Wyoming
Generic Block State A.
Colorado
Generic Block State B. Why does Colorado get a slightly worse rating than Wyoming? Because Wyoming’s generic block shape is better.
Kansas
Kansas has its shit together. It’s like “hey, you want a flat-ass rectangle that’s full of tornadoes, a Cfa Koppen climate and nothing else? Gotcha, bro.” Also, all the major cities sound like bird mating noises. “to-PEE-kauh!” “WIIII-chi-tauh!”
Nebraska
Nebraska is Kansas’ socially awkward little brother who tried to be a rectangle but forgot what a rectangle was. Either that or pushy Colorado ate that one side of the rectangle and Nebraska’s too polite to say anything.
Oklahoma
It’s OK. Get it?!?!?!?!?!
South Dakota
“South Dakota: Stop In for a Visit or We’ll Let the Rock Presidents Eat You”
North Dakota
“North Dakota: The Obnoxious Rectangle between Montana and Minnesota. But Hey, at Least We Don’t Have Angry Rock Presidents”
Pennsylvania
Dayman. AAAAAAAAAAHHH! Fighter of the Nightman! AAAAAAAAAHHH! Champion of the sun!
Delaware
Not bad. Not great, but not bad. Also, points for 1st statehood.
Minnesota
I like states that are shaped like their name. It looks like a soda.
Ohio
I like states that are shaped like their name. It looks like an Ohio.
Louisiana
It’s a boot!
Connecticut
I like the shape, but not the silent “c.”
Montana
I’ll just leave this here:
Massachusetts
Boston!
Mississippi
Mississippi’s fun to spell, but that’s about all it’s got going for it.
No seriously. Look it up and it ranks first for all the “bad” things and last for all the “good” things.
Alabama
The same as Mississippi, but less fun to spell.
California
The good: redwoods! The bad: San Francisco. They pretty much balance each other out.
Seriously, Nate and I got lost in the untamed fern-covered wilderness in Jedidiah National Park for like two hours, but felt safer during that period of time than during the 15 minutes it took us to walk to a Denny’s in Tenderloin.
Missouri
Approximately 400% of my family is from Missouri. Which is the only reason why this state is listed as high as it is.
South Carolina
Meh.
Wisconsin
Cheese and weird accents? I’m for it.
Maine
I think Maine is the state a good number of people forget about when they’re asked to list all 50 states. Is it because it’s so far up there and so quiet and unassuming that no one remembers it? Poor little Maine. It’s the only state with a one-syllable name, though, so it’s got that going for it.
New Hampshire
Meh. Shaped like a lowercase “h” to make it easier to remember which of those 8,000 northeastern states it is.
Vermont
See above, but shaped like a “v.”
Florida
This state will never recover from the 2000 election nonsense.
Washington
Washington: a west-to-east tour. Pacific Ocean, Seattle, outskirts of Seattle, still being stuck in Seattle seriously how the hell do you get out of this city, Fallout-esque wasteland, GO ZAGS, GO COUGS, OH GOD IT’S IDAHO TURN THE FUCK AROUND
Georgia
Do you like peaches and a (currently) really terrible baseball team?
You’d better.
You’d better.
Arkansas
Iowa
SOYLENT CORN IS IOWANS
Illinois
Bah.
Oregon
I’ve never liked Oregon. I have no logical reason from this apart from just not liking the word “Oregon” and associating the state with freezing cold Pacific Ocean-adjacent beaches.
New York
Too weird of a shape, but I guess I’d have a huge chunk of the US population coming after me if I said NY sucked, so…
Tennessee
It’s the only ten I see!
(if the total ranking scale goes from 1 to 50 with 50 being the best)
Kentucky
It’s the only ken tuck ee!
That works better than Tennessee.
Rhode Island
Too small, 0/10 would not admit to Union again
New Jersey
The only good thing to come out of New Jersey was Michael Jones of Roosterteeth. That probably explains why he’s so angry all the time.
Indiana
No.
North Carolina
Too similar in shape to Virginia, 0/10 would not draw same borders again
Virginia
I don’t like the name “Virginia.” Also, every time I see any reference to this state, my brain starts singing “in SIX-teen-hundred-SEV-en, we SAILED the o-pen SEA!” and I have to go through the whole damn song. It’s awful. Get rid of Virginia.
Maryland
Not a fan of the shape. Not a fan of the shape at all.
Michigan
Hey Michigan, why you gotta be in two parts like a weird little nerd state? Why don’t we make that upper dingle part its own state and merge North and South Dakota to make up for it? We wouldn’t even need to change the number of stars on the flag. And we would have a state named Upper Dingle. Win-win!
West Virginia
Oh, man.
Drunk cartographer, slurring heavily: I—I’mma make a state.
Cartographer’s friend: Johnathan, put the pen down. You’re drunk.
DC: NnnnnOOO! ‘Sgonna be state. A new one. Right here.
CF: That’s just a blank space on the map where the borders of existing states don’t meet. You can’t make a state there!
DC: Gonna.
CF: We can’t have a state shaped like potato, Johnathan. Imagine the embarrassment if it gets back to England!
DC: I’mma…I’mma draw it, and I’m gonna name it…Virginia.
CF: Dammit, Johnathan, we already have a Virginia.
DC: South Virginia.
CF: Virginia is below it.
DC: East Virginia.
CF: If you go east of Virginia, you’re in the Atlantic Ocean.
DC: North Virginia!
CF: …Okay, well, I suppose that kind of make s—
DC: NO! …West Virginia.
CF: *defeated sigh* All right, Johnathan. West Virginia. Fine. It’s a state. Now what?
DC: Fill it with hicks!
West Virginia sucks.
B-to-the-Lah
Today was stressful. I am trash.
Is it time for a dump of nonsense internet pictures? I THINK IT IS
LISTVEMBER
- They weren’t expecting THE ANOSMICS!!!!
- I love this city.
- I still love this video of the croissant robots. The music makes it fantastic.
- Here’s a picture of me in a bag, circa 2007.
- One of my favorite things about Reddit is how you can find a sub for almost anything and that sub will be a community that expresses their genuine love for a topic/hobby/idea/whatever, no matter how popular or obscure that something is.
- The small part of my brain that didn’t hate my recently-deleted NaNo wants to go back and give it another shot, because I kind of liked the premise of it all but hated pretty much everything else.
- I miss this stupid show so much. I need to watch it again.
END!
BREAKING NEWS:
Butts.
WELL I GUESS IT’S WINTER
Brr.
IT’S ONLY OCTOBER, CALGARY, WHAT THE HELL.
I think it’s supposed to be a rough winter.
BIG BOTTOM, WASHINGTON
There is no logical reason why I find this so incredibly hysterical. It’s not even that funny, but oh my god, I just spit an M&M across the room laughing at Satan’s Kingdom, Massachusetts.
I like to imagine it as the polar opposite of Magic Kingdom.
Or it’s like where Satan keeps his summer home, but wants to make sure it still sounds badass so he named it “Satan’s Kingdom” instead of “Casa de Satan” or something. OH MY GOD, “Memphistopheles” would be a great town for Satan in Tennessee. That’s where the Southern Satan chills.
(Southern Satan is like 40 times worse than regular Satan.)
“Booger Hole, West Virginia.” That’s redundant.*
I think Minnesota just really wants to be a new Canadian province. Minnetoba.
Oklahoma must just really suck at coming up with original names. The capital is Oklahoma City, after all. Or some smartass Oklahoman (is that what they’re called?) was like, “OMG U GUYZ, let’s make a town and call it “Okay” so that when anyone has to address anything to someone in that town, they have to write “Okay, OK” ‘cause that’s hysterical, am I right?”
Pig, Kentucky sounds like it’s the cultural capital of Redneckia. It’s where you go to get the full experience. “Now, y’all are gonna wanna cross the border into Booger Hole to get all them cheap West Virginia beers, then head on down to Smartt, Tennessee, ‘cause that’s where the university is what teaches you how to spell good. But watch out for Southern Satan, ‘cause he’ll make yer Chicken Bristle right sure up.”
Plenty Bears, South Dakota probably has more bears than the whole state has people.
*I have a goddamn vendetta against West Virginia. Why the hell is it shaped like that? It pisses me off, man. Such an ugly shape. If you were shaped better, West Virginia, maybe Satan would summer home in you instead of Massachusetts, did you ever think of that? WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE SATAN!?
OCTOLIST
- What the hell is this sculpture, Calgary?
- This screaming is basically my internal dialogue. All the time.
- Edit: Jesus Christ, internet.
- What the hell is this song? This is great.
- Penis jokes? Penis jokes.
“Now I don’t know who lives here but it’s TIME TO WAKE UUUUUUUUUUP!”
Gotta love the internet, man.
Gotta love the internet.
BOOM
I’m not wearing pants.
Ask not for whom the Equinox…it nox for thee.
CBC News: reporting the important stuff.
Okay, yeah, those Calgary bathrooms are awesome. Those are the rave ones I blogged about a few weeks ago.
You think Hillary vs. Trump is an important decision? It’s got nothing on Montreal vs. Whitecourt vs. Calgary vs. Calgary vs. Winnepeg!
To be honest, though, any one of those toilets in those bathrooms could run the US better than Trump could.
Ploop
The sky was doing some weird stuff this evening, so have some crappy “Claudia’s not a photographer” pictures of it.
THIS JUST IN:
I am trash and should be disposed of immediately.
WALK DA WALK
So Nate and I did a 24 mile walk today that put me over 1,000 miles on my shoes, over 2,000 miles for the year, and finally got us accomplishing our goal of walking to Southcentre and back. A few things worth noting on this walk:
We took another gym!
Pidgey Party 2016
This enormous caterpillar.
It’s hard to see exactly how big this bro was, but he was massive. Here’s my foot for scale.
A sign outside a florist’s.
Bonus picture: Jazzy with her tongue sticking out.
END!
slsl
I miss Moscow
I MISS MOSCOW
I
MISS
M
O
S
C
O
W
Fuck.
Lenses
Since approximately a year ago, whatever coating that’s on my lenses has been slowly flaking off. First it was just two fairly small spots near the middle of my vision on my right lens, but it pretty rapidly progressed to just giant spots of blurriness on both lenses. Check it:
Yes, those are perfectly clean. All those marks/scratches are places where the coating’s flaked off.
HOWEVER.
Today I finally got some brand new, scratch-free, “holy crap I can finally see clearly” lenses. WOO!
I have no idea what was up with my old ones. That’s never happened before, and I’d gone to the same optometrist in Moscow since I was born, basically.
20,000 Leagues Under the C-Train
Interesting:
Eigenblogger 