Tag Archives: america


You know, say what you want about the United States, but its patriotic music is the best.

American Patrol by Frank W. Meacham

El Capitan by John Philip Sousa

The Stars and Stripes Forever by John Philip Sousa

The Star Spangled Banner performed by Whitney Houston



There is no logical reason why I find this so incredibly hysterical. It’s not even that funny, but oh my god, I just spit an M&M across the room laughing at Satan’s Kingdom, Massachusetts.

I like to imagine it as the polar opposite of Magic Kingdom.
Or it’s like where Satan keeps his summer home, but wants to make sure it still sounds badass so he named it “Satan’s Kingdom” instead of “Casa de Satan” or something. OH MY GOD, “Memphistopheles” would be a great town for Satan in Tennessee. That’s where the Southern Satan chills.
(Southern Satan is like 40 times worse than regular Satan.)

“Booger Hole, West Virginia.” That’s redundant.*

I think Minnesota just really wants to be a new Canadian province. Minnetoba.

Oklahoma must just really suck at coming up with original names. The capital is Oklahoma City, after all. Or some smartass Oklahoman (is that what they’re called?) was like, “OMG U GUYZ, let’s make a town and call it “Okay” so that when anyone has to address anything to someone in that town, they have to write “Okay, OK” ‘cause that’s hysterical, am I right?”

Pig, Kentucky sounds like it’s the cultural capital of Redneckia. It’s where you go to get the full experience. “Now, y’all are gonna wanna cross the border into Booger Hole to get all them cheap West Virginia beers, then head on down to Smartt, Tennessee, ‘cause that’s where the university is what teaches you how to spell good. But watch out for Southern Satan, ‘cause he’ll make yer Chicken Bristle right sure up.”

Plenty Bears, South Dakota probably has more bears than the whole state has people.

*I have a goddamn vendetta against West Virginia. Why the hell is it shaped like that? It pisses me off, man. Such an ugly shape. If you were shaped better, West Virginia, maybe Satan would summer home in you instead of Massachusetts, did you ever think of that? WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE SATAN!?


Here is a super interesting interactive graphic showing how different groups of Americans spend their day.


  • “At 3 AM, 95% of Americans are sleeping” (guess when I’m typing this)
  • “At 8 AM, 23% of Americans are at work” (I’m in that group on T/Th!)
  • “At 3:30 PM, 27% of Americans are at work” (I’m in that group on M/W/F!)
  • “At 8 PM, 1% of Americans are shopping” (that’s usually when I hit up WinCo/Walmart/whatev)

Click through by activity type or sort by sex, education, age, race, etc.!



I have returned to the states and am now sitting in my dad’s basement.
We totally need to do something fun while I’m back.
Sorry this is short, it was a long ride down here.


Today’s song: Kids (MGMT cover) by The Kooks


Holy crap, it’s a blog not posted at 1 AM!

So while I was doing research today (read: “as R was working hard running my code and I was just sitting there”), I decided to see if I could draw the US and all the continental states from memory. First I made a sketch to see if I could even get close, then I made an actual drawing with ink so you could see all my little screw ups (aka, the entire eastern seaboard).

Rough sketch = epic fail.

Apparently, in my mind, the Midwest is an even bigger expanse of nothing than it is in real life, the Great Lakes are a palm tree, West Virginia is a scribble, and New England is experiencing severe continental drift along the state border lines.

So I tried again, using just my rough sketch for reference, and I think this is substantially better:

The proportions (and some locations) really start to suck east of the Mississippi River, but at least I didn’t miss anything. Indiana and Ohio look crappy ‘cause I screwed up that general area and just went with it. The rest look crappy ‘cause I don’t know what they look like…in particular, I couldn’t for the life of me remember how the hell West Virginia is shaped, so I just kinda threw it on there where there was a gap in the states yet and called it good. Hahaha, Wisconsin is so deformed, but I got the Great Lakes right (edit: I also just realized I forgot to put the tail on the “g” so it looks like I wrote “Lake Michican.” You’d be surprised how often I forget to complete letters before moving on to the next one. Or maybe you wouldn’t, it is me, after all).

I’d try to draw Canada, but pfft. I know the names of the provinces and territories, I know where BC, Saskatchewan, and Nova Scotia are, but that’s about the extent of my Canadian geography knowledge.

I also have no idea when it was the last time I looked at a US map, Canadian map…or a map of anything aside from the bus routes, for that matter.

So there you go.

Conclusion: I like square states.


Ah, United States, I’ve MISSED YOU.

Milk does not cost an obscene amount and I can get a crappy sandwich at a gas station for under $8. It’s not raining incessantly and there are fat guys everywhere. America…FUCK YEAH!

So I finally took a break from calculus today to check my email. Got a $16,000 scholarship for next year and some check waiting for me for $1,000. I have NO IDEA why I’m getting this random check, but I’m not going to complain.

And I just might buy a guitar with part of it. Damn you, Sean.


Today’s song: The Champions by Era