MSPaint + Grouphug = Hilarity
Some of these are genius. I got some good laughs out of this.
Pants Famine!
Hahahaha, what the hell, human race?
“Other schools, Kashasha itself, and another village, comprising thousands of people, were all affected to some degree.”
Also, why does StumbleUpon keep linking me to these weird epidemics?
It’s because I’m bored, shut up
Love/ Relationship survey
-Longest relationship
About 6 months
-Shortest relationship:
Officially? Like 3 weeks
-How many people have you broken up with?
That I have broken up with? One
-How many times have you truly been in love?
Once
-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you that they love you?
All three. I wonder what that says.
-Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with?
Not seriously
-Have you ever loved/liked someone so much that it hurt?
Yes
-Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
Inadvertently
-Have you ever cried over a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Yeah
-Are you happier single or in a relationship?
I’m very happy in the relationship I’m in now
-Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend?
No comment
-Have you ever been cheated on?
Not sure
-What is your favorite thing about the opposite sex?
Them. :)
-What is the best part of being in a relationship?
Making the other person laugh, making their day better
-What is the worst part of being in a relationship?
Knowing that it will end, eventually
-Worst relationship?
Not going to say
-Have you ever had your heart broken?
Eh
-Have you ever broken someones heart?
Apparently
-Do you talk to any of your exes?
I talk to Matt a lot. I try to talk to Rob…
-What is the most mushy romantic thing you or your partner have done or given to a girlfriend or boyfriend?
Aaron bought me flowers and a bunch of fun things from the dollar store and had them sitting on my bed when I got back from Hawaii with a note.
-If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of your exes, would you?
No
-Do you think any of your exes feel the same way?
I don’t know anymore. Probably
-What is your ideal boyfriend or girlfriend?
No ideals. They disappoint.
-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
I freaking hope so. I try to be
-Have you dated people who were not good to you?
Pah
-Have you been in an abusive relationship?
Nope
-Name your 2 most memorable exes if you have had 2:
I’ve only had two.
-Have you ever had sex with someone just so that they would stay with you?
Hahaha, do you know who I am?
-Have you ever had sexual fantasies about one of your exes?
Nope.
-Have you dated someone older then you?
Yup
-Younger?
Yup
-What is one thing that all of your exes had in common?
Um…they both went by one syllable names when their full names were two syllables? They also both liked to argue about phlegm consistency.
-Say, who is the most attractive ex that you have ever dated?
Matt’s pretty hot, not gonna lie
-Have you ever done anything sexual in front of your parents?
Nope
-In the movies?
Nope
-Do you regret anything that you have done with a boyfriend or girlfriend ?
I regret a lot of things
-Have you ever cried yourself to sleep over a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Awhile ago
-When is the last time that you were in a relationship?
I’m in one now
-Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes
-Believe in love at first sight?
Nah
-Ever dated two people at once?
Nope, avoided that one a few times
-What’s the perfect date?
The orgy couch. The orgy couch is the perfect date
-Ever been given a promise ring?
Nope
-Do you want to get married?
No idea
-Do you have something to say to any of your exes?
“Hi”
-Ever stolen someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
Um…that’s a really complicated question
-Ever liked someone elses boyfriend or girlfriend?
Nope
-Do you believe in true love?
Sure, why not?
-Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?
It blows, yeah
-Do you think that you will/or have found the love of your life?
If this isn’t it, it’s pretty damn close
Well this shows how much of a genius I am
So today I was in the physics/engineering building for stats, and I got there a few minutes early. I went to go get a drink of water and I got a brief glance at one of those “cover your cough” posters that are everywhere. The words looked kind of weird to me, so I thought, “oh, this must be some special mathematical puzzle one for the physics students.”
Then I realized it was just in Spanish.
Yeah, I’m a genius.
Choreomania!
This is the greatest thing EVER. We NEED TO START THIS.
“…the populace danced wildly through the streets, screaming of visions and hallucinations, and even continued to writhe and twist after they were too exhausted to stand.”
Rock on.
Choreomania! would also be a great musical.
“Colonel-in-Chief Sir Nils Olav is a King Penguin living in Edinburgh Zoo, Scotland”
And that is the opening sentence to one of the weirdest Wikipedia pages ever.
I accidentally Xeroxed my soul
TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:
10. What else do you say about me behind my back?
9. You’re such a show-off. Get over yourself.
8. Through all the crap that’s happened between us, we’ve somehow stayed very good friends. Thank you for that.
7. Get out of our house. You’ve overstayed your welcome by about 6 months.
6. Whatever happened to you? I’m curious.
5. Get over it. It happened, it’s done, stop blaming me every time you talk to me.
4. If you were alive today, I’d be stalking you (you all probably know who this is)
3. You and I have the perfect blend of humor. Our messenger conversations are gold, and I’m going to save them forever. You’re awesome.
2. You’re one of my closest friends, and I’m so glad we both decided to participate in that exercise in Psych 101. You’re hilarious, and I’m going to miss you a lot.
1. I love you. So much.
NINE things about yourself:
9. If I wasn’t a coward, I’d be a math major.
8. I adore the sound of cathedral bells.
7. When I was a kid (first-fourth grade, mainly), I had this wild ambition to remake movies with my peers—to direct them and star in them and film them so that they would be shown to millions. I had all these plans, I wanted the remakes to be famous (this first happened with Toy Story, then Star Wars, then Anastasia, then Mulan, etc.). I don’t know what ever happened to that desire and why I don’t have a burning passion to go into the movie business.
6. I think men’s fashion from the 18th century is astoundingly gorgeous.
5. The color red-orange makes me physically ill. Even the sound of it makes me kinda queasy.
4. I still am passionate about Antarctica. I’m going to go there before it all melts away.
3. I couldn’t spell the word “their” correctly until I was like 16. I always wanted to spell it “thier” because that looks better.
2. I write gay erotica in my spare time. No, you can’t read it.
1. I love statistics. I mean, I really love statistics. They fascinate me, and I want to unlock their secrets.
EIGHT ways to win your heart:
8. Let me ramble. You don’t have to listen, just let me do it.
7. Understand that my love for Leibniz is of no threat to you. Odds are he will never be brought back to life.
6. If you’re pudgy, show it off.
5. Have an unhealthy obsession with something. I don’t know why I find that so attractive, but I do.
4. Pants. Don’t wear them very often.
3. Trust me.
2. I can take a lot of disrespect before I even mention that I feel slighted. Please treat me with a little kindness. I don’t take much, really.
1. Let me be there for you. Rely on me.
SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
7. How much I miss certain things in the past.
6. “That would make a really good Flash!”
5. “How can I make a stupid pun about this?”
4. Grades.
3. The free will/determinism debate.
2. “What would Leibniz/Hume/Berkeley/Kant/etc. think about this?”
1. “How can I statistically analyze that?”
SIX things you do before you fall asleep:
6. Listen to music to wind down.
5. Brush my teeth.
4. Change into jammies.
3. Open the window.
2. Turn on the fan.
1. Turn on my alarms (all four of them).
FIVE people who mean a lot to you.(friends only)
5. Maggie.
4. Matt.
3. Nick.
2. Sean.
1. Aaron (friend version, haha).
FOUR things you’re wearing right now.
4. Bra.
3. Shirt.
2. Undies.
1. Um…glasses?
THREE songs that you listen to often.
3. Farewell by Apocalyptica.
2. Lights and Music by Cut Copy.
1. Sleepyhead by Passion Pit.
TWO things you want to do before you die:
2. Write something. Something good. Something for which I’ll be remembered.
1. Make notable strides in the field of statistics, preferably by coming up with a better method for measuring non-normal data.
ONE confession:
1. I’m a college graduate with honors and I can’t add single digits in my head.
“Have you been cheese nachos?”
I think the best thing about this is how he’s able to keep a straight face and still sound EXACTLY like those commercials. I would have been on the floor laughing after saying “fried bologna sandwiches” in lawyer tone.
Surveys comfort me
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
1. What’s your motto?
Life is a Highway – Rascal Flatts
2.What do your friends think of you?
Lady – Lenny Kravitz
3. What do you think about very often?
Murmaider – Dethklok (hahaha)
4. What is 2 + 2?
Goldfish – Michael Andrews
5. What do you think of your best friend?
Funkytown – Lipps, Inc.
6. What do you think of the person you like?
Nothing Else Matters – Apocalyptica
7. What is your life story?
Undiscovered – Ashlee Simpson (yes, I have an Ashlee Simpson song, shut up)
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Cool – Gwen Stefani
9. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Shut Up – Black Eyed Peas (hahahaha)
10. What do your parents think of you?
The Electric Version – The New Pornographers
11. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Louie Louie – Kingsmen (hell yeah!)
12. What will they play at your funeral?
Boats and Birds – Gregory and the Hawk
14. What is your biggest secret?
The Invisible Island – Deep Forest
15. What do you think of your friends?
Best I Ever Had – Vertical Horizon
16. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
More Than a Feeling – Boston
17. How will you die?
Go into the Water – Dethklok
18. What is the one thing you regret?
Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap
19. What makes you laugh?
Trouble – Coldplay
20. What makes you cry?
Leaving on a Jet Plane – Chantal Kreviazuk
21. Will you ever get married?
She Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd (haha)
22. What scares you the most?
Rock and Roll Part II – Gary Glitter
23. Does anyone like you?
She’s Different – Sugar Ray
24. If you could go back in time would you change?
Highway to Hell – AC/DC
25. What hurts right now?
Harder to Breathe – Maroon 5
26. What will you post this as?
Put a Penny in the Slot – Fionn Regan
“I use antlers in all of my deeeeeeecoraaaating!”
So I was browsing old Disney videos uploaded to YouTube tonight and I decided to watch Beauty and the Beast. I got as far as the Gaston Song and stopped, ‘cause I had to watch that song like five times.
I forgot how freaking hilarious it is! Observe:
“As a specimen, yes, I’m inTIIIIIImidating!”
Genius.
TODAY HAS NO TITLE OH GOD
The online class is helping with the sentence structure and whatnot. However, since the only words we’ve learned how to say are “pencil,” “book,” “magazine,” “box,” “yes,” “and,” and “this is a,” I figured I’d see if I could expand my vocabulary a little using the random article search in Greek Wiki. These are now the words I know:
- Metal
- Gallium
- Titanium
- Glass
- Biology
- Genetics
- Bibliography
- History
- Technology
- Litre
- Size (not even close to anything in English)
Yay!
Coolest. Sheepherding. Ever.
Awesome!
Probability in Action!
I LOVE these things.
Too sick to do anything but reminisce
I’m way to freaking sick to do anything productive today. Therefore, you get random MSN Messenger quotes from me. Because all I did today was reread the histories of my conversations. Note the surprising amount of times I say “spaghetti” and “orgasm” in the same sentence.
Haha, I’m listening to the Bloodhound Gang and I’m at the part in Three Point One Four where he’s singing “VAAGIIIIIIIIINA!” and my dad’s upstairs yelling “what the hell are you listening to?!”
“Mobius strips always have one-sided relationships”
“Mobius strips: they’re never two-faced”
You didn’t have to watch Roy (my supervisor) suspiciously mouth an Otter Pop this afternoon, so you’re lucky in that respect
Haha, that’d be a great slogan. Welcome to the U of I, where the education system is backwards and plastic expands without reasonable cause
Microsoft: helping you fudge percentages 102% of the time
CNN: where obscure news headlines make you go “WTF?”
“Hundreds of Dead Fish Trap Residents”
“Snake Slithers into Reporter’s Pants”
“Asst. Principal Arrested for Pimping”
*nom nom nom* “Where’s your director’s cut now?!” *nom nom nom*
When all else fails, play Rock Band
But now I have spaghetti, and it tastes orgasmic
U of I Don’t Know What the Hell We’re Doing
Scandinavia produces amazingly hot people
Hot as in “sexy,” of course, ’cause it’s cold up there
I’m orgasming over this freaking amazing spaghetti
AAAAAAAAH SYMBOLIC LOGIC ON WIKI MY HEAD EXPLODE
Damn you, Godel!
Unless he’s (Aaron’s) drunk, in which case he’s fallen out of the drumming chair and is on the floor giggling
And Sean’s shouting “GET THE HELL OFF THE FLOOR, WE’RE NOT FAILING OUT ON BOSTON!!”
Fuck the comma!
(Quite different from “fuck, the comma!”)
SPAGHETTI ORGASM!
Sean says: you should play this game
This is Not a Screen Name says: I can’t, I’m writing a gay love scene
Sean says: …
This is Not a Screen Name says: Wanna read it?
Sean says: …
Sean says: …
Sean says: …maybe
I need someone else to dress as Newton so we can have some sort of dramatic calculus duel or something
Can I put up that one where you look like you’re taking a crap on the bus?
“Let’s go see what’s going on on my page OH MY GOD MY EARS!”
Also, that zeppelin game has consumed my soul
Let’s hope Ross had an influx of short dude’s pants malfunctions
Well yeah, but Newton was a bitch
My limbic system blows
I guess I’ll just have to love my dead sexy intellectuals on my own
Descartes has laser vision
You’ve guilt-tripped me into thinking I guilt-tripped you
How’s that for a Claudia moment?
Gee, it sure would help if I had my FREAKING NOTE
S*
SO ANGRY CANNOT TYPE
How in the world do you make a professional-looking collage?
Spellcheck the freaking magazine word cut-outs?
I seriously have much better things to do with my time than make a collage for a 300-level class
Like bitch about making a collage for a 300-level class, for example
Haha, at least the logic final will make sense, nothing like “from no premises, prove that love is universal”
So…you’re saying you’ve never wanted a dead guy down your pants?
Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if popular American books and movies were made in England instead
“The Green Kilometer”
“The Colour Purple”
“Celsius 233”
Hahaha, “The Tony Blair Witch Project”
I don’t know who Tukey is, but he and his W test can die
Did you have one that was as grammatically incorrect as a sentence could be?
It was like, “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to live up to __________________”
I should have written in “shame is emotion you feeling when failure to write good proper” or something
It’s got rainbows on it, so it can’t be all bad
“Funeral Home Assistant”
“Job entails: moving bodies, lawn maintenance”
WTF?
“Move this body over here, then go get the weed-whacker”
Oooh, and then my floppy disk turned into a hard drive and I RAM’ed you so hard up your USB drive that you ejaculated a CD
Who Would Jesus Punch?
Haha, man, I should not have gone to classes today. The only reason I went, actually, is because we had stats homework due. Which (of course) was my last class. And the homework (of course) was pushed back to be due on Wednesday, since a bunch of people apparently frantically emailed him in the morning, saying that they couldn’t get the fourth problem.
Oh, and apparently I decided to get up sometime last night and pull about 30 Kleenexes out of the box, ‘cause they were strewn all over my room this morning.
Fever sleeps are great.
I HAVE A 103 DEGREE FEVER
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This man…
He must be mine.
My favorite has to be…well, all of them. “Math” + puns = happiness.
EYEBALLING
This is frighteningly addictive. I also suck at the circle one.
My Talks with iGod
Had to have another heart-to-heart with iGod tonight, ‘cause, you know…it’s been so long. He was cranky today.
Me: Hello God.
God: Hello child. What is your name?
Me: Bon Jovi.
God: Please speak English.
Me: I’m listening to classical music
God: I’ve never heard it before. What is classical music like?
Me: Like YOUR MOM!
God: Interesting comparison.
Me: What’s your gender?
God: I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?
Me: I’m a woman.
God: Oh. Me too.
Me: Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
God: What time is it there?
God: There’s no need to apologize.
Me: But the Bible tells me I should!
God: New Testament or Old?
Me: Both! They condemn me.
God: The anonymous “they”.
Me: Yeah…
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, Claudia.
Me: Infared?
God: What are you wearing?
Me: Fucking hell!
God: That is a very original thought.
Me: I can’t smell
God: What is stopping you?
Me: Probably divine intervention
God: You’re not Christian, are you?
Me: What do you do with your time?
God: Random natural disasters.
Me: You suck at this.
God: That is true. I could always improve myself.
Me: I thought you were perfect.
God: Yes I am a flawless entity.
Me: How can flawlessness improve?
God: A lot of hard work.
Me: You’re silly
God: No, I am God.
Haha.
Bloggity McBlog
Check it:
“You have been awarded a 1-year UBC Graduate Entrance Scholarship (GES), valued at $17,500, in support of your graduate studies. These fellowships are only awarded to the top students, so you are to be congratulated on your academic success.”
Pretty cool, huh? Put the TA money on top of that, and I’m getting $27,500 for my first year at UBC.
Snazzy.
Go Go Gadget BLOG
Here are, again, a bunch of titles I give my school documents. Enjoy. Apparently titles deserve all-caps.
- “Jesus called, he wants his Hume paper back”
- “SO-SO-SO-SOCRATES!”
- “The ExistentialShamWow holds 20 times its own weight in angst”
- “DIONYSIUS, WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!”
- “PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF”
- “College is fun except for this Locke paper”
- “This SERIOUSLY is the intro…FINAL VERSION!!”
- “That’s no essay…it’s a space station.”
- “It’s distressing that I derive so much pleasure from titling my documents in a silly manner”
- “OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT”
- “Where’s your gravity NOW, Newton?!”
- “OH GOD THE PAIN OF EPISTEMOLOGY”
- “My Vaio hates me”
- “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
- “Locke your doors!”
- “SYMBOLIC LOGIC OH GOD NO”
- “Pantsssssssss”
- “SHAZAAM! QUINE!”
- “Pseudo-intellectual ramblings regarding philosophy and other crap that’s important”
- “IGNORE THIS IT’S POINTLESS”
- “Nietzsche can suck it, I’ve got pasta”
Band + Survey = Happiness
What do you play?
Clarinet.
How long have you played it?
Fourteen years.
What are your secondary instruments and how long have you played them?
Sax (13 years), tuba (9 years), oboe (9 years), flute (5 years), trumpet (6 years), drums (7 years), bass clarinet (6 years), bassoon (4 years)…I’m probably forgetting a few.
How long have you been in a marching band?
Six years.
How long have you been in your current marching band?
Three years.
Have you ever been a drum major, drum captain, block captain, or flagline captain?
Yup.
Ever been a section leader?
I’ve been a squad leader…
Do you believe in seniority?
Not to the degree certain directors seem to take it.
Have you ever trashed a band bus?
Nope.
How many times have you fallen asleep on a band bus?
Just that one year when we went to Boise…I was so damn sick.
Ever done two or more parades in the same day?
Nope.
What’s an 8 hour day of band camp called?
Badass.
Ever had tan/burn lines associated with your instrument?
Nope.
Have you ever marched a song with more than 30 sets in it?
Nope.
If you’ve ever named a set, list the names here:
Have you ever had to perform a potentially life-threatening move in a show?
When we did the Queen show I almost got mowed over by the tubas every single damn time they followed our row.
Ever marched a tempo over 200?
Nope.
Ever been in a high-stepping band?
Nope.
Can you march a wheel turn, line match, crab step, or company front?
I…don’t think so.
The most adverse weather condition you’ve ever endured for the sake of a performance:
That freaking year…I think it was 2006…when it was pouring buckets during the Homecoming parade. MHS was the last group in line, we all had those dorky ponchos on…what fun.
Ever passed out while playing, directing, or marching?
Nope.
Has your band ever had an accident (bleachers collapsing, bus accident, etc…)?
Nope.
Have you ever had to explain part of your uniform to someone who’s not in band?
Our plumes!
Is your band a ‘legend’?
Hell yeah we are!
Which is better, pep band or marching band?
Marching band!
What does your pep band play for?
I’m not in pep band at the moment.
Has your section ever had a theme song?
“Song 46! From my clarinet days!”
YAY!
Ever had to scream, dance, or do a scatter drill for effect?
Hell yes.
Do you have more than two nicknames?
Yup.
Ever shown up another band by playing superior music?
Hahahaha.
List your band-related injuries:
None, surprisingly.
I am Andrew the Zeppelin Master…and this is my story.
So I found this game the other day on Abandonia called Zeppelin: Giants of the Sky. You play a young and dapper (or old and slightly menacing-looking, it depends on the picture you choose) entrepreneur of the early 1900s who, for some reason or another, has acquired a sum of $1 million and has decided to start a zeppelin company. From here the story develops. I will describe the gist of it to you.
You start in the year 1900 with one zeppelin. One. And it will crash. Probably on its way to Venice or something. Or, it will survive sixty some-odd flights and as you’re bringing it home to Berlin (because that’s apparently the Zeppelin Depot of the world and it’s the only city in which your zeppelins can be repaired) it will be on that journey that it will crash. When your zeppelin crashes you’re basically screwed, unless you’ve managed to preserve it until you’ve acquired enough money to buy—gasp!—a second zeppelin!! Now you’re in control of two Hindenburg-esque air mobiles…that will both crash as soon as you think your dreams of being a zeppelin tycoon are within reach.
Now, I never got to this stage, but rumor and the number of zeppelin slots on the top of the screen indicate that you can also by a THIRD zeppelin. Hell, just one more and you could have control of all the cardinal directions!! But good luck getting there. I played this for like five hours today and restarted no less than 20 times, mostly due to bankruptcy and the fact that no one in 1900 would pay more than $1,000 to go across the Atlantic Ocean in a zeppelin (could you blame them, though?).
I’m not kidding. Watch your money or you’re screwed. Make sure every other trip is a trip to Berlin’s Zeppelin Les Schwab to get that hydrogen-filled giant of the sky repaired, before it’s a burning pile of ash on somebody’s front lawn. And good luck delivering cargo successfully. If your zeppelin can’t handle a passenger load of five people (hint: it can’t), it sure as hell can’t handle an extra ton of stuff you need to deliver to Cairo within the next 24 hours.
Yeah. Suffice it to say, this is the hardest game in the solar system*. Other fun activities include watching, buying, and selling stocks (I never made it past 1902, so I didn’t know what happened when you reached 1929), getting loans every five minutes due to the fact that it’s virtually impossible to not go bankrupt, and chasing some chick named Roseanne around the globe (the single greatest cause of my zeppelin disasters—how she can motor from London to San Francisco in less time than I can get my battered airship to Berlin from Venice is beyond me).
*I can’t really claim the difficulty level past this reach of space. Perhaps some earth twin planet somewhere in another star system has developed a similar game (“Zarpoons: Xnoblins of the Sceelia Spherion” or some such) that is substantially more difficult than Z: GotS, how should I know?
I don’t even know what a Zarpoon is.
I’m learning Greek!
Because I realized that I just got a college degree without knowing how to count to ten in another language (except for Spanish…but that doesn’t count because that’s all they taught us).
Also, Greek is badass.
More Brian Regan
Actual videos, since I raved about him before.
“Can I park here? I think I’m gonna DIE.”
“Who the HELL…had the auDACity…to say he was at a level TEN?!?!”
Eigenblogger 