Alive Beyond Reason
Well, today was interesting.
1) Snow! Snow makes everyone freak out up here.
2) The bus Twilight Zone. I got on the 8 bus and it went completely not where it was supposed to go. We were all yelling, the driver just kept driving, it was really quite freaky. Then I got on the 10 bus and it did the same freaking thing. What.
3) This afternoon involved a good fifteen minutes of duck-and-cover cautionary behavior due to a psychotic gentleman who had a knife and was hell bent on finding someone and “motherfucking MURDERING” them. Quite frightening indeed. No, this wasn’t on campus.
And now I’m watching Team America: World Police and remembering how hilarious their portrayal of Kim Jong Il was. “Hans Brix! OH NO!”
And puppet sex. So much puppet sex.
Sorry these blogs suck as of late; it’s been a rough start to the year for reasons I’m not going to go into right now.
Okay? Okay.
Facebook, you inconsistent freak show
Random lighthearted Facebook bitch session – commence!
I know that like half of you people who actually read this already have the new profile, but I don’t ‘cause I hate change.
Facebook itself, on the other hand, can’t seem to get enough of it.
Jerks.
So I get this little warning message this afternoon when I logged on—something to the effect of “because you haven’t manually switched over to the new profile yet, we’re going to do it for you! You have ten days to say your goodbyes to the old layout.”
I actually can’t complain about that last part, considering the current (or old) layout pretty much blows.
But what I can complain about is the CONSTANT DAMN CHANGES WTF FACEBOOK.
(Rage over.)
I think my favorite part is the “about” section wherein they introduce the new layout like Steve Jobs introduces a new product (video, indie music, and shots of someone having a semi-normal existence with [insert new product here]). I mean come on, it’s not like we have a choice here. If we’re staying on Facebook we’re getting the “upgrade” whether we like it or not, so why try to introduce it like some revolutionary new MUST HAVE thing?
Zuckerberg, I am disappoint.
If my love is your drug, GET TO REHAB
This is actually pretty fantastic.
I like how Canada needs to be explained.
God, what’s wrong with me?
HAHA TRICK QUESTION I’M INSANE
Canadian Mall – Installment 1: Central City
In this the first installment of “Claudia Walks Vancouver via Malls,” I went down to the ghetto Surrey to visit Central City which, to my great surprise, had Simon Fraser University Surrey attached to it.
I’ve neither seen nor heard of a university attached to a mall.
Anyway.
Aside from higher education you can also purchase alcohol, stuff from the Canadian version of Walmart, pitas that are supposedly extreme, and waffle irons (there’s a Bed Bath & Beyond) at this cool little mall.
Pros:
– Did I mention waffle irons?
– Not a maze from hell
– The Asian grocery store, in which I could identify about 30% of the items, but which carried Aspartame-free gum!
– DOLLAR STORE
Cons:
– It’s in Surrey
– No good bookstore
– I got lost on SE Marine Drive on the way there and got pretty cold. That was pretty sucky.
Woo! Not sure where I’ll go next week, but probably not south.
Surrey. Erugh.
What I dream about when I fall asleep on the bus for 10 minutes:
- This dream involving a strange combination of Pokemon: The Movie and Princess Mononoke. You know those dream epics that in reality last about three minutes? Yeah, this was one of those.
- A brilliant idea to extend the processed cheese-type product to butter. It’d be called “Ghee Whiz.”
- How we could cure AIDS if we just spelled it differently.
- Calculus: The Musical.
- How much I would like to take the SAT again just to see if I would bomb the ever-loving Jesus crackers out of it a second time (I probably would).
- Another micro dream involving Newton and a lot of auto-tuning (possibly related to #4?).
Yeah.
I’m listening to Ke$ha at 4:30 AM. My neighbor has surprisingly not murdered me yet.
So I sawed about a foot off my hair this afternoon. First impulsive act of the year, eh? Long hair’s a pain on the buses.
Pics later when I find my camera.
Edit:
Cannot take a good picture to save my life.
UI schedule fun
So I should have been born in like 1991, because the U of I has had some really great classes these past two years. Here are the 25 credits I would like to take this semester, if I were there (click on image to bring to full size):
These plus MATH 452: Mathematical Statistics, which is a video course.
Nice, eh?
5,000 Question Survey: Part 4
301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die.
A) Get a book published
B) Skydive
C) Go to Antarctica
D) Get a PhD
E) Work on the ocean in some way
302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year?
Indeed.
303. What do you feel controlled by?
Certain circumstances that shall not be mentioned here.
304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him?
I think I’d be too much in shock regarding seeing Jesus to make any claims about the moon.
305. What is one thing you are sure of?
That I’m not sure of anything. HA!
306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert?
Probably around 10 or 11 PM.
307. Have you ever played in a band?
Dude, you have no idea.
308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking ‘early creatures crawled outta that’?
Hahaha. I was too busy focusing on the green cheese moon.
309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean?
Staring into the ocean is not something I do frequently.
310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games?
Indeed. Though I don’t know how to play chess.
311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you?
Yup.
312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you?
Indeed.
313. If you didn’t know that people couldn’t fly do you think that you could?
Probably. We’re a pretty capable species when we’re not being idiots.
314. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it?
I wouldn’t mind that, but I don’t think anyone would ever call me.
315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author?
I try to, but I also try not to add too much meaning above what I would think the author actually tried to include.
316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts?
Haha, the last thing I took apart was a TV. That was fun.
317. What are your feelings about the death penalty?
I think it’s pretty useless the way it’s set up now, but other than that I don’t really have much of an opinion.
318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be?
“Why is Jesus delusional about the moon?”
319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets?
Yup.
320. What is something worth suffering for?
Knowledge.
321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it?
AWESOME! My butt.
322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature?
Meh.
323. Would you rather live simply or extravagantly?
In between?
324. Have you ever been camping?
Indeed.
325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new?
Sure.
326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are?
Indeed.
327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you?
Frightening.
328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do?
Fear. Desire to not be shunned. Dumb, I know.
329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all?
Tall, bland, outgoing.
330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email?
I think it’s pretty bad that we’d assign nine years of prison to someone for this while people who do a lot worse things get off for much less.
331. Do you know who the current premier of China is?
Nope.
332. Are you very active?
I try to be.
333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain?
Hahaha. The literal landscape or the figurative one?
334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back?
I’m not entirely sure if any of the people who have told me they loved me were totally sincere.
335. Is it really being ‘in love with’ someone if the other person doesn’t love you?
I have debated this question over and over again in my head. I had issues when I was younger.
336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with whoever they are with at the time?
I think we pick the best out of the people with whom we associate, since it’s obviously unrealistic to assume we’d get to select from the entire population.
337. Do you know secret things?
Some things, yes.
338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have?
Welcome to elementary school/junior high/high school. Like I said, issues.
339. How do you overcome your fears?
BY BEING MANLY!
340. What can you do better than anyone you know?
Screw around. Take a lot of credits. Do both at the same time.
341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence?
Haha, probably. Grad school’s not like the wild, wild west or anything (“this thesis ain’t big enough for the two of us…”).
342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger?
Larger.
343. Have you ever fired a gun?
Yup.
344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other?
Probably.
345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)?
I don’t think the two are opposites.
346. Does safety stifle you?
Only when I let it.
347. Who or what needs to be stopped?
This is an odd question.
348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated?
Michael Pollan, woooo! Haha, sorry.
349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family?
Haha, nope.
350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II affect you?
Not at all.
351. Have you ever lost something and never found it?
My sanity.
352. Do you listen to any talk radio shows?
Nope.
353. Who do you trust more, your friends or your parents?
Parents.
354. Would you ever date someone outside of your race or religion?
Why not?
355. Which of the 7 deadly sins in the worst (gluttony, greed, pride, lust, envy, wrath, sloth)?
Pride.
356. Which one are you most guilty of?
Envy. Or Wrath. Or wrathful envy. Envious wrath?
357. Are you afraid to be alone with yourself?
On occasion.
358. Would you venture to tell someone you loved him or her if they didn’t say it first?
I’d be extremely nervous to, but I suppose I would.
359. What are you the most sensitive about?
My intelligence.
360. What can you talk about for hours?
Statistics. Philosophy. Leibniz.
361. Do you talk about yourself, other people, or ideas the most?
I try to talk most about ideas.
362. Do you believe that spell casting can work?
Nah.
363. Are you a fan of The Legend of Zelda games?
I’ve actually never played any of them, but I’ve watched Lanky play on the Wii.
364. What old movie would you go see if it were re-released in the movie theaters?
Not much of a movie person.
365. Is there a celebrity that you would be too starstruck to talk to if you met them?
Can Leibniz count? If so, him.
366. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note?
Nope.
367. Do you think it’s cheesy to paste things you didn’t write into your diary?
Depends on why you’re doing it, I suppose.
368. What are three things that you try not to think about?
I try not to restrict what I think about.
369. Is casual sex acceptable for you?
I don’t do this “sex” thing.
370. What form of sexual protection do you use?
Being me, haha, it seems to do the trick.
371. What is expected of you that you feel is unnatural or not right?
I don’t like that I’m expected to earn my education in the “traditional” way.
372. Do you sometimes place your own expectations on other people?
I try not to.
373. Do you sometimes act overeager to make friends when you are around strangers?
Haha, I’m too shy.
374. Do you take everything that is said literally?
If I did, life would certainly be interesting.
375. Do you take most things others say seriously?
Somewhat.
376. Do you have a quick wit?
When I’m hyper.
377. Do you believe in the need for political correctness?
Pfft.
378. Do you have strong opinions and beliefs?
About some things, yes.
379. If yes, can you still hang out with and be friends with people who disagree with you?
Of course.
380. Are you uptight?
Haha, yeah.
381. Do you sometimes do risky things?
Indeed.
382. Could just about anyone hold your interest in a conversation for at least ten minutes?
Meh.
383. Are you self-conscious?
Oh yes.
384. What would be your ideal destination for a Saturday afternoon?
Chilling in my apartment. Possibly playing Fallout.
385. Does anyone have a video tape of you doing something embarrassing?
Every time I’m captured on film I’m doing something embarrassing.
386. What is Kevin Smith’s best movie?
I’ve never seen any of the movies he’s been in.
387. Where do you like to go on Friday or Saturday nights?
I like to stay home and chill.
388. Do you like your friends to act the same way all the time or do you accept their moods and changes?
I have weird ass friends, I expect nothing of them but to be the strange things that they are. :)
389. Do you often feel like other people are judging you?
Yes.
390. What do you think other people judge you to be like?
Probably weird, stupid, and ugly.
391. Are you quick to judge others?
I try not to be.
392. When you have a fight with someone do you want to talk about it right away or calm down first and then talk?
I haven’t fought with anyone in like two years.
393. Some say love is a river (according to the old song). What do you say love is?
It’s MORE THAN A FEEEEEEEEELING…WHEN I HEAR THAT OLD SONG THEY USE TO PLAAAAAAAAAY…(sorry).
394. What is the worst fault a person can have?
Being too judgmental of others.
395. Do you have it?
The above fault? I hope not.
396. Which do you think has more impact on a person’s character, genetics or environment?
Genetics.
397. Who was your first best friend?
Last time I had a “best friend” was in elementary school. Her name was Anastasia Pennington.
398. If you are not best friends anymore, what came between you?
She moved away.
399. Who have you read a biography about?
Leibniz, Einstein…that’s about it.
400. What would your own autobiography be called?
Haha, I think my blogs are becoming my autobiography.
Also, isn’t the phrase “own autobiography” a bit redundant in this question?
This Week’s Science Blog: Statistics Porn
This is not a cop-out TWSB post. This is like porn to me. It’s also like an hour long, so just FYI, watch it when you’ve got some time.
Unadulterated Blather
Okay, so my older list sucked because I wrote it in a hurry and didn’t really give it much thought. So here’s my ACTUAL list of resolutions/goals/miscellaneous crap. I know nobody really cares, but it’s fun to pretend.
- Contribute substantially to a Wikipedia article
- Blog daily
- Come up with a new recipe weekly
- Go skydiving
- Get my MA degree
- Learn conversational German
- Complete the 5,000 question survey
- Answer the “50 questions that will free your mind” survey question thingy
- Malls are both fascinating and scary; therefore I shall see Vancouver via walking by walking to a new mall every weekend. Reviews will happen, ‘cause that’s just how I am
- Go a week without electricity
- Go a week without consuming any dairy products
- Do something with Prime
- Go back to St. Mary’s church once
- Read Newton’s Principia (and hope Leibniz’ ghost doesn’t kill me in my sleep)
- Actually pay attention to how much money I spend
- Win NaNoWriMo 2011
- Get better with R
WOO!
Well, here we go again…
Dear 2011,
Let’s be kind to each other, shall we? 2010 was average enough, but we don’t need another 2009.
So let’s make a deal.
You will provide me with 365 days, each day approximately 24 hours in length. These days will be blank slates with each an opportunity to get things right.
In turn, I will provide you with 365 attempts at not sucking at life. This includes but is not limited to:
- keeping my mind focused on whatever task is at hand, regardless of how alluring drawing/writing/StumbleUpon/Wordpress/screwing around on the internet in general is.
- trying not to lose my shit when it comes to anxiety-provoking social interactions.
- mastering the art of self-deprivation to promote self-betterment.
- attempts to dispel anger in more constructive ways.
- trying to be kinder to everyone, even people who can’t seem to walk down a sidewalk properly.
- appreciating the fact that I have control over my life (note: this does not exempt me from bitching about stuff).
So yeah. Take that, fate, I’m going to kick your ass.
Anyway, life is never complete without a year-end survey. Onward!
Name: Claudia
Screen name: LadyLeibniz. Or AntarcticaFreak, but that one’s ancient.
Current location: Vancouver
Birth date: February 2
Sign: Aquarius/Dragon
2010 In The Beginning……
Where did you ring in the New Year? On my butt in the snow outside my house after falling down the deck stairs. 2009 just couldn’t let go without giving me one more jab.
Who were you with? Myself.
Did you kiss anyone at midnight? Nope.
Did you make any resolutions? Quoted from last year: “Figure out what the hell I want, find a boyfriend, get better with R, etc., etc.”
If so did you keep them? The first and third ones, yeah.
2010 Your Love Life….
Single/Taken? Single
How many relationships did you have? Actual relationships? Zero.
How many break ups? None
How many people did you kiss? One
2010 Friends and Enemies……
Did you meet any new friends this year? I made at least one new friend every time I came back to Moscow, haha.
Did any of your friendships end? Nah.
Did you dislike anyone? Nope.
Did you get into any fights? No one to fight with.
Did you make any new enemies? I hope not.
Did you resolve any fights? I try to stay out of it.
Who was your closest friend? Didn’t really have one.
2010….The Holidays!
Did you have a Valentine? PFFT.
Did the Easter bunny visit you? He gave me a four day weekend.
Did you watch fireworks on the 4th of July? Yes!
Did you dress up for Halloween? No.
What did you do for Thanksgiving? Canadian Thanksgiving blows, so nothing.
Did you receive what you wanted? Partially.
Were you good this holiday season? I always try to be good.
2010 Your BIRTHDAY!!!
How old did you turn? 22
Did you have a cake? No
What did you do for your birthday? Went to class. Not much else.
Did you have a party? Nope.
Did you get any presents? A few
2010……The Memories and Accomplishments!
Funniest Memory? Driving around Moscow with my friends, blasting the Numa Numa song and waving our arms around like a bunch of idiots. And not realizing the back hatch on the car was open.
Saddest Memory? The time we all sat in my car late at night and bitched about how much our lives sucked.
Most Embarrassing Memory? Existing
Best Accomplishment? Presenting my poster in Boston.
2010…..FAVORITES!
Favorite TV shows? I’m still digging Futurama. And METALOCALYPSE.
Favorite songs? See yesterday’s blog.
Favorite bands? Muse rules.
Favorite food? Freaking broccoli, man.
Favorite stores? There aren’t really any stores I frequent up here.
Favorite restaurants? Shari’s is still the best place ever. And Cougar Country, man!
Favorite piece of clothing? I love my Alex Colman pants. SO LOUD.
2010…..All about YOU….
Did you change at all this year? Meh. In some ways, yes, but they’re subtle.
Did you dye your hair? I tried to put some blue in the tips, but you can’t really see it.
Did you get your hair cut? I got it evened out in the summer.
Did you change your style? NEVER!
Were you in school? Blah, yes.
Did you have a job? I was a TA.
Did you drive? Yup.
Did you own a car? Don’t need one up here.
Did you lose anyone this year? No.
Did anyone close to you give birth? No.
Did you move at all? Hahaha, yes.
Did you go on any vacations? I went back to Moscow for the summer.
Did you leave the country at all? Indeed.
Would you change anything about yourself now? Peh.
Claudia’s 365 Days of Music – A Review
Are you ready for a long post? ‘CAUSE YOU’RE GONNA GET ONE!
Ahem.
Well here we are, ladies and gents. 365 days later, I now have 365 new songs, one for each day of 2010.
Snazzy? YES I’D CERTAINLY SAY SO.
So this was a super fun New Year’s resolution. If you have the time and money, I highly recommend you try this out. Anyway. Because I’m a stats whore, you know this year has to end with a bunch of analyses. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Total songs: 365 (duh)
Total time: 24 hours, 14 minutes and 48 seconds
Total size: 2.59 GB
Mean song length: 4 minutes (okay, 3 minutes, 59.412 seconds)
First song: United State of Pop 2009 (Blame It on the Pop) by DJ Earworm
Last song: United State of Pop 2010 (Don’t Stop the Pop) by DJ Earworm
Total number of Sleepyhead remixes/covers: 6 (shut up, that song is like heroin)
Estimated cost: ~$350. The vast majority of songs were either $0.99 or $1.29 (yes, I made it a point to acquire songs legally), but I also use justmusicstore.com for the songs I couldn’t find on iTunes; their songs are $0.15 each.
The bests are as follows. I’m not going to embed the vids because that would make this post even longer, but they’re all linked. Go forth!
Top 10 Favorite Music Videos/Regular Videos Featuring the Artist(s)
Some aren’t official, but they SHOULD be!
1. The Music Scene – Blockhead
2. White Winter Hymnal – Fleet Foxes
3. Happy Up Here – Royksopp
4. Hey There Mr. – Leisure Alaska
5. Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
6. Resistance – Muse
7. This Too Shall Pass – OK Go
8. Viva La Love Story – Jon Schmidt
9. Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron & Wine
10. Disorganized Fun – Ronald Jenkees
Top 5 Most Touching Songs
These made me bawl. Very powerful.
1. The Last Day on Earth – Kate Miller-Heidke
2. 10,000 Miles – Mary Chapin Carpenter
3. Eet – Regina Spektor
4. Happy Ending – Mika
5. Flightless Bird, American Mouth – Iron & Wine
The Five Stars
The final list for the year, listed from January to December acquisition
Disorganized Fun – Ronald Jenkees
Bad Romance – Lady Gaga
Happy Up Here – Royksopp
White Winter Hymnal – Fleet Foxes
Blow Up – Gooseflesh
Viva La Love Story – Jon Schmidt
Sleepyhead (Run Toto Run Cover) – Passion Pit
Monster – Lady Gaga
Sleepyhead (Cillo Remix) – Passion Pit
Hey There Mr. – Leisure Alaska
Yours To Keep – Teddybears featuring Paola
Cobrastyle – Robyn
The Music Scene – Blockhead
Alejandro – Lady Gaga
Mediational Field – Susumu Hirasawa
I Want You To Want Me – Cheap Trick
I’m The Man Who Murdered Love – XTC
So what are the best of the best? Like the top 5? Well here they are:
Sleepyhead (Cillo Remix) – Passion Pit
Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. This is SUCH a chill remix of the coolest song on the planet. 5 minutes and 16 seconds of “you can’t worry about anything because if you try to break the chill trance of this song, your head will explode.”
Hey There Mr. – Leisure Alaska
There’s just something about this song, man. The singer’s voice is like Chris Martin (Coldplay) mixed with peanut butter—very smooth, very lingering, with an ease of singing that is very apparent in the chorus. Fantastic.
Happy Up Here – Royksopp
The future is here, and it’s got a great beat. This is what electronic music should sound like. Very catchy.
Viva La Love Story – Jon Schmidt
The way this song crescendos to Viva La Vida is AMAZING. A very nice blend of Taylor Swift’s Love Story and Coldplay’s Viva La Vida using a cello and a piano.
I’m The Man Who Murdered Love – XTC
I actually just downloaded this song yesterday, but holy freaking crap it’s like crack. I danced to it on repeat for about an hour this afternoon. The tempo is perfect.
And I just have to give an honorable mention to Dildo by Interactive, solely because of the fact that this song consists of only 4 words—with 95% of the lyrics being “dildo”—and yet is so undeniably catchy that it begs to be played in the car at maximum volume when you’re driving around with your friends.
Now I’m sure you’re all looking for some plots, am I right? Just say yes, it’ll make things go more smoothly.
Here is the year in review: music style. Pie chart has been used due to the fact a bar graph would have sucked owing to the large range. As you can see, I am an electronic whore.
Here’s an aesthetically pleasing donut plot done of the top 4 genres plotted by month. January is the innermost circle, December is the outermost.
Here is a pie chart of the playcounts for the year (clicky for full size). I listened to songs purchased in 2010 a total of 15,045 times. The mean length of song is almost exactly 4:00, so that means I listened to a total of 3,610,800 seconds of music (60,180 minutes, 1,003 hours, or 41 days and 19 hours). Wow. And that’s just the music from this year, that doesn’t even count all the older stuff I listened to.
Oh, and the correlation between number of songs in a genre purchased and the number of plays for a particular genre? .98. For anyone who cares.
I was going to do a bunch of stuff with the genre plots, but they’re a lot messier than I was anticipating and therefore look like crap, so I’ll just leave you with a pdf list of the music I downloaded this year: 2010 Song List
I totally recommend doing this. Totally.
Today’s song: United State of Pop 2010 (Don’t Stop the Pop) by DJ Earworm
December Song Review
Happy birthday, Maggie!
So I know December’s not technically over, but it’s late and I already have tomorrow’s song, so HA.
Graph of genres:
Mean song length: 4:05
The Five Star: The Man Who Murdered Love by XTC
Join me tomorrow for the year in review!
Today’s song: I’m The Man Who Murdered Love by XTC
Googol: An Excerpt
It came to my attention this afternoon that aside from the bit I posted for my NaNo profile, I have yet to post an actual excerpt from my NaNo novel.
So here it is.
This is pretty much the climax of the whole thing. Clarke escaped from the Googleplex (they were holding him because he knew some things he shouldn’t have known) and is now fleeing through one of the marshes that surrounds the complex. The Googlemen are basically Google’s hitmen thugs. Socrates is the name of the guy who has been feeding Clarke all the inside info on Google.
So yeah.
Please ignore how crappy this is, it’s unedited.
He crouched there as quiet as he could possibly make himself, his lungs burning as he tried to suppress his hurried breathing after running for so long. Even the coming together of his two eyelids as he blinked seemed excruciatingly loud to him as he sat squatted among the willows, the heavy rain catapulting down around him in a cacophony of water hitting already saturated land.
The next few minutes were terrifying—every second he expected the beam of one of the Googlemen’s flashlights to come upon him crouched there in the darkness, every second expecting some sort of violent confrontation. It didn’t help his nerves that the wind was utilizing the tall, wet willows as vocal cords, emitting low passing moans that sounded more like a dying dog than that of the howls one often assumes one would hear during a large storm. Clarke was soaking wet by this point, his shirt clinging so coldly to his body that it was almost painful, but this pain was in a way a welcome feeling as it reminded him that he was still alive, still able to get up and run when and if that became necessary.
When he dared move again he was as cautious as he could be, keeping his feet planted in the crushed willows and cold mud as he leaned forward inch by inch, his numb fingers parting the willows in front of his face in as organically a manner as he could manage, allowing himself to peer out and see if any of the Googlemen were still in the general vicinity. No sound met his ears but the moaning wind and the near mechanical falling of the rain onto the marsh; no light met his eyes but the dully reflected moonlight that was able to pierce the thick clouds in the sky shining off of the wetness all around him.
He knew he couldn’t trust his vision, his glasses being lost in the mud as he had ran from the Googlemen, but he assumed could trust his ears and his good judgment. There was no sound of anything human out there anymore. Moving millimeter by millimeter he worked to lift a foot from the muddied wallow he’d created for himself, making a mental note to remember to fluff up the willows when he departed, lest this obviously human-made depression in the marsh be spotted by a Googleman. As it was, he was taking enough of a risk attempting to flee via the marsh in the first place. Anything that went kiting through the willows was apt to leave a relatively noticeable crease through the usually undisturbed plants, and no doubt a trail of footprints to boot. However, in this rain Clarke surmised that any footprint he were to leave would be quickly swallowed up by the near liquefied ground beneath him, the marsh combined with the rain effectively erasing his trail as he made it.
At least, he could hope this would be the case. That was all he had left to do at this point.
His footing stabilized, he gradually drew himself to a crouching stand, too afraid still to stand upright but too much in pain to remain fully hunched over. The air was black as pitch around him, not even a subtle glow of an indigo night sky above the marsh was apparent. Everything was too clouded over; even the moon’s light hung like a dust covered lamp in the sky, its efforts to pierce the clouds too weak for it to act as an effective light by which to navigate, the dim beams lighting only the wet fringe of the willows that surrounded him on all sides.
Carefully—very carefully—he began to move again, every muscle intent on disrupting the willows he had nested in as little as possible. He had only to make it to the lake and he’d be free. Free forever.
But a step or two outside his protective nest, his ears picked up the sound of something hurrying through the willows behind him. Faint at first, slow but deliberate—and then in an instant the noise picked up and seemed to be joined by other noises from all sides around him. He had made not a sound—or so he thought—but yet they had found him. They had hunted him down, an unknown amount of the brutal Googlemen that had been dispatched hours ago to seek him out. He tried to remain quiet, but panic overtook him and he was moved by some blunt force of fear within him to move as quickly as he could, regardless of the consequences.
“Hey! Over there!”
The shot came a split second after the shout. Had Clarke not been anticipating this he would have surely been killed on the spot, but as it happened the bullet missed him as he preemptively had ducked out of the way.
He broke into a sprint—or as much of a sprint as he could get up to running through a marsh during a rain storm. The suction of the mud around his feet was agonizing, making him feel as if he were in one of those dreams where, no matter how hard you tried, you could never run fast enough from whatever it was that was coming to get you, or could never move fast enough to prevent yourself from being later than you already were to wherever the dream selected your presence to be desired.
He sloshed wildly as he attempted to run, the mud grabbing onto his feet, onto his ankles, pulling him down when he was making every possible effort to walk across it. He felt one shoe succumb to the mud, a hearty slop of a sound hitting his ears as he pressed onwards, too concerned with his life to worry about what possible hazards to a naked foot may lie in the marsh. He could almost feel them closing in on him from behind. The frantic shouts of the Googlemen were something he had been all too familiar with from his time in solitary confinement. He had heard them then as he heard them now, but it certainly was of a different feeling knowing that the shouts were for him, that these highly trained men were seeking out him, each one of them armed with god knows what weaponry, each one trained in the art of knowing how to murder another human being in less than fifteen seconds.
Clarke had no time for these thoughts now; now his thoughts were solely on finding the lake. The marshes in California were expansive and not very well kept, Clarke knew, but he also knew that they were riddled with lakes. Socrates had told him, perhaps in his greatest blunder, that this particular marsh held a particularly large lake…no, not a lake but a tributary…a river that bowed outwards like a lake near the middle of the marsh but eventually returned to its river-like slenderness as it wove through the patches of willow and lily pads until finally emptying out into the Pacific Ocean.
The ocean. That’s what he wanted. That’s what he needed. That was his survival now, reaching the great blue expanse of the Pacific Ocean. Never mind the hazards that such a journey would entail; as of now his goal was to reach the first leg of that journey, the first leg being the lake.
He was stumbling wildly now, feeling the tear of the bitterly cold mud at his bared ankles. The suction pulled at his jeans; had they been another centimeter around at the waist they would have surely been sucked the way of his shoe, but as it stood they were simply being yanked downwards, but not enough so so that he would lose them. His movements grew sloppier as his body, no longer able to ward off the coldness of the night despite his intense physical activity, was slowing down, becoming number and clumsier. But he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t let them get him. He turned his head in time to catch a search light, its hot white beam alarmingly close to him as it jutted through the tangle of willows he’d left behind.
The beams were creeping up all around him now, some of them shining in front of him as the Googlemen slowly over took him. Where was the lake? He could hear it, he could even smell it, smelling the placid, still water through all of that water which fell actively from the sky and bounced off of the plants around him. Through his near blindness, caused both by his horrible nearsightedness under his lack of glasses and the unrelenting raindrops falling into his eyes he thought he could make out…yes…a clearing! Ahead of him to the right! He couldn’t see the lake per se, of course, but what appeared to be a large area devoid of willows, a blacker shape against the blackness amongst the wet plants and muddy banks, could be nothing other than the lake he had so actively been pursuing for the past several hours.
Manically he dove through the willows at an almost inhuman speed for how exhausted he was, allowing himself the emitting of a hysterical yell, a yell of near triumph and of near freedom. It was doubtless that the Googlemen behind him, who were pressing up against his lead with an alarming closeness, heard this yell, as it was followed by a series of frantic shouts from the hunting group behind him.
He heard another shot ring out but was too focused on getting to the lake to take any sort of evasive action. As it was it didn’t matter, as the shot was a wild one and the bullet had no chance of hitting him even if he’d decided to stand up and be still. He was so close, so tantalizingly close…the only reason he had time to even contemplate how close he was to freedom was because the willows and mud and rain and slickness were preventing him from reaching his destination with the speed that his mind, body, and desire to live all wanted him to reach it.
But in another instant he was there, right on the bank, and it was as if time stood still as he took a running leap into the black pool of water that shone in the dulled moonlight like a well of ink. He was airborne for less than a second before hitting the water, and in another split second he was under.
It was then that he felt the shot.
As saturated as his clothes were, they didn’t prevent him from bobbing at the surface for no longer than half a second, the wet folds catching pockets of air as he dove towards the water, acting like over-effective sails in keeping him at the surface. One of the Googlemen must have seen—several of the Googlemen must have reached the edge of the water just as he’d taken his dive, as it registered simultaneously with the fact that he had been shot the fact that he could actually feel the warmth from the beams of their flashlights.
The sudden onslaught of sharp pain in his right shoulder, back behind his shoulder blade, made him expel all the oxygen he had taken hostage with him as he flew through the air towards the water. His lungs empty, his clothes finally saturated, he began to sink. He was barely aware of this and yet it was tantamount to his escape as being forefront on his mind. If he sank, his frantically worn through mind reasoned, they wouldn’t find him. He could sink and stay at the bottom until they left and then he could resurface and swim to the ocean, swim to freedom, by the light of the day.
By the light of the day…
By the light…
The light…
Yeah.
Today’s song: If We Ever Meet Again (feat. Katy Perry) by Timbaland
I Love Uncyclopedia
Uncyclopedia is great. Spent the night browsing it, feel substantially better than I did this afternoon.
From the “glossary of mathematical terms” section:
Absolute Value: The price of a bottle of vodka.
Cartesian Coordinates: Coordinates that one thinks are correct, therefore they must be…
Decagon: The cards are missing.
Euler’s Formula: The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Infinity: A big fuckin’ number
From the “statistics” page:
“In the meantime, you should have a look at some FUCKIN POLLS (1/5) “
“Type I Error: Getting statistically significant results.
Type II Error: Getting statistically significant results, lying about the results, and getting caught.
Type III Error: Getting statistically significant results and forgetting to write them down.
Type IV Error: Getting a type I, II, or III error and not realizing it.
Type V Error: You have no fucking idea what you’re doing, do you?”
Newton’s page is practically all about apples. It’s freaking hilarious.
“Four years later, Newton presented his thesis, On The Scrumptiousness Of Apples, to the university. Due to the prevailing low standards in science at the time, it was accepted and Newton graduated.”
“Newton was distraught and flew immediately into a violent rage. He ran into the local market and turned over a cartload of apples shouting, ‘run my pretties, I have freed you!’ This is believed to be the origin of the popular saying ‘upsetting the apple cart’ as well as the less well known phrase ‘don’t go mad and start humping apples like Newton did.’”
And Hume:
“Showing his potential from an early age, he had disproved the existence of God, society, and Asia while still a mere toddler, and the existence of over 30% of all known objects by his eighth birthday. Aristotle had not even learnt to tie his shoe-laces until he was nine.”
I still think Vancouver’s page is the most hilarious thing ever, but Surrey’s article is like 100% accurate. “The city’s current motto is ‘for the love of God, stay the fuck out!’
Today’s song: Ellens Gesang III, D. 839 [Ave Maria] by Barbara Bonney & Geoffrey Parsons
Blog #[some really big number]
Haha, this is awesome.
It also led to about five hours on Wikipedia and miscellaneous other sites reading about Uranus. Uranus is my favorite planet.
Also there’s this little illustration, which I love ever so much because Uranus is on his side:
ALSO, Apollo 13 has to have one of the best soundtracks ever.
Okay, that’s all. Slow day.
The Resolutions
Because it’s getting to be that time and the last blog of the year is reserved:
- Try not to suck at life
- Blog daily, as per usual
- Edit the stuff I need to edit (a.k.a. Prime)
- Go skydiving
- THE THESIS, GET IT DONE
- Get better at R
- Analyze the living hell out of every data set I come across
- Have at least one more sexy basement party
- Finish a substantial number of my “101 in 1001” goals (assuming the website ever comes back up, haha)
There are many more, but it’s late and I need music.
Also this:
Today’s song: 10,000 Miles by Mary Chapin Carpenter (this made me bawl)
This blog tastes like crap!
Christmas alone.
Yup.
Riveting.
On an unrelated note, bleaching my hair does not work. 90 minutes of bleach intensity does practically NOTHING. I think my hair needs to be lab analyzed for its weirdness.
Tomorrow is “Boxing Day” which translates to “Play Fallout 3 Incessantly Day.”
It’ll certainly be better than today was.
Today’s song: Sleepyhead (Neo Tokyo Remix) originally by, of course, Passion Pit
My reality check bounced
It’s a drawing!
This one took three movies to draw (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, A Muppet Christmas Carol, and Jingle All The Way). Still ugly as a sonofabitch, though.
Meh.
Today’s song: Misery by Maroon 5
Today I got chastised for purchasing meat
I went to the grocery store today because I needed broccoli and ended up impulse-buying some shrimp, because shrimp sounded good and I haven’t had them in forever.
Long story short, some lady coming down the aisle in the opposite direction decided that I, amongst the fifteen or so individuals milling around the meat section, was the one she would not-so-subtly criticize as she strolled by with her cart. She basically insinuated that I had no morals whatsoever, and my purchasing of meat was a direct ticket to hell—a ticket the righteous vegetarian would never purchase.
And so I must rant.
I know I’ve already posted a “why I’m not a vegetarian” blog before, but obviously the issue must be readdressed here. I suppose I can understand where this lady (and many others) is coming from. I’ve seen Earthlings, I know all the animal cruelty that goes on in slaughterhouses and fisheries, and I know that that’s what a large proportion of vegetarians/vegans oppose.
However, I also know that a decent proportion of vegetarians don’t eat meat because they have issues with taking the lives of animals for food that humans can live without. As I said in my vegetarian post, it strikes me as extremely contradictory that we assign so much more value to the life of, say, a pig, than we do to the life of a stalk of wheat or a sunflower. I understand that the sentience of a pig and the sentience (or lack thereof) of wheat aren’t the same, obviously. But I do believe that everything in the universe has some form of life, and if we promote the saving of certain lives, it just seems wrong that we don’t treat other lives the same way, you know?
So yeah, maybe plants don’t process getting chopped in half the same way a cow would, but do those who subsist solely on vegetation take into account the billions of lives that are extinguished to provide their food? Pain-perceiving or not, there’s no denying that there are lives being cut short (no pun intended).
Sorry, that just really got to me. Why value the life of a shrimp more than the life of a grain? Humans can, of course, subsist without meat, but that doesn’t, in my opinion, act as a suitable excuse for the difference in value between what we deem sentient beings and beings like grains and flowers.
Bah, I dunno.
Today’s song: Jimmy Olsen’s Blues by Spin Doctors
Part 3
Part three of the 5,000 question survey!
201. Put these creatures in order from what you would least like to be reincarnated as (1), to what you would most like to be reincarnated as (10) assuming reincarnation ended up existing AND you were given a choice: caterpillar, house dog, wild dog, vulture, male human, female human, oak tree, rock, manta ray, dolphin
Manta ray, male human, caterpillar, house dog, wild dog, rock, oak tree, dolphin, vulture, female human.
Yes, I’d rather be a rock than a lady again.
202. What do you feel unworthy of?
Pretty much everything.
203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person?
I’d like to do something nice for humanity, so…
204. Which do you value more: science or intuition?
Science!
205. Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first?
Uh, whoever’s closest to the entrance of the hospital?
206. Does the universe revolve around human beings?
Pfft.
207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were?
I still am.
208. Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now?
I’m not a poetry fan.
209. What is your favorite song from the 90’s?
Was U Can’t Touch This from the 90’s? If so, that.
210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be?
“U.”
211. Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc.?
Nope.
212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend?
If they’re nice to me, if they’re nice to others, if we are comfortable around each other.
213. Do you troll around the Internet harassing people anonymously for fun?
Hahaha, I used to. Oh, 7th grade…
214. Have you ever seen the movie A Man Who Fell to Earth?
Nope.
215. What is your favorite line from a movie?
Pretty much every line from Tremors.
216. What’s your favorite video game?
Fallout 3, bitches!
217. Have you ever taken something that wasn’t yours?
Yup.
218. What is one phrase people say that irritates you?
I dislike it when people use “like” incessantly.
219. You allow strangers to read your diary, but would you let your parents read it?
If by “diary” you mean “blog,” I know my mom reads it.
220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower?
Quick shower.
221. Are you allergic to anything?
Asthma medicine and pineapple.
222. What is your favorite Terminator movie?
I never have seen any of them.
223. What is your favorite fast food?
McDonald’s French fries are amazing.
224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again?
Something quite egregious, I’m pretty forgiving.
225. Would (or have) you ever whip someone or be whipped by someone in bed?
Hahaha. No, but knives are fun.
226. Have you ever said ‘I hate everyone’ and really meant it literally?
Nope.
227. Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend?
Because people are weird.
228. Have you ever won a carnival fish?
Nope.
229. Did it live more than a week?
I don’t know, I never had one.
230. What’s the best sounding accent a person can have?
I dig British.
231. What’s the most boring thing you’ve ever read?
War and Peace made me want to stab myself, but so did To Kill a Mockingbird.
232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens?
Touch screens are snazzy, but buttons are easier.
233. Do you think there is a lot of similarity between the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series?
No idea. Don’t care for either.
234. Would you consider yourself to be naive?
About some things, yes.
235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail?
Hahaha, not sure…
236. What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it?
Dude, I’d reach for a quarter.
237. Would you ever wear real fur?
No.
238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks?
Haven’t seen either.
239. What are your feelings about police officers?
They’re cool. They’re brave.
240. what is your favorite line from a song?
AAAAAH I can’t pick just one! IMPOSSIBLE!
241. Is fifty dollars a lot of money?
Hell ya.
242. Do you like the band Front 242?
Never heard them.
243. Would you rather have fame, money, or self-satisfaction?
Money, because with money I could do what I want to do for humanity, thus giving myself self-satisfaction.
244. What’s your middle name?
Marie.
245. What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?
I do a lot of crazy things for free, so probably something pretty wild.
246. Are you good, evil or neutral?
Good.
247. Should ebonics be considered a language?
Eh.
248. What color is your bedroom? What color would you like it to be?
White, but I’d like bright orange.
249. When are you planning to move to a new home?
Possibly in half a year or so, but it all depends.
250. If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be?
Hahaha, a lot. I’m in my apartment, so the living room and kitchen and office are the same thing.
251. Do you blow your nose in public?
Hahahaha, when I need to.
252. Do you want to follow in your parent’s footsteps?
Not in terms of career choice, no.
253. What is the coolest web site you know of?
Tom Deslongchamp’s site is wonderful. His early Flash projects are hilarious. http://www.tomthinks.com/
254. Which cartoon would you most like to see turned into a movie?
I loved Ed, Edd, n’ Eddy in junior high.
255. Of the following, which word best describes you: enthusiastic, fair minded, generous, helpful
Enthusiastic.
256. Can you eat with chopsticks?
Very horribly, but yes.
257. Could you tell real money from counterfeit?
Maybe.
258. What do you think about school uniforms?
I don’t know, I’ve never had to have them.
259. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit?
Ancient Greece, man.
260. What would make a great new Crayola color?
Anything orange-intense.
261. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art?
No.
262. If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration?
OMG LIEK JUSTIN BEIBER LOLOLOLOLOL
263. Who is the greatest philosopher of your country?
Searle is a smarty.
264. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
IT’S ON THE MOON, EVERYBODY GET ON A SHUTTLE!
265. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?
It’s probably easier. I was a persnickety child.
266. Who knows more…you, or your parents?
Everyone knows more than I.
267. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?
I used to want to be a professional clarinet player. Then I realized I sucked.
268. Children fill their lungs completely with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change?
I was unaware of this.
269. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?
Hahahaha.
No.
270. Are you completely in control of your body?
As much as one can be, yes.
Are you completely in control of your mind?
Not as much as I used to be.
271. Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittering bouquet OR flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway?
Whichever.
272. Do you know yourself well enough to understand why you feel the way you do?
Yes indeed.
273. Which do you do more often: let movies, songs and books put your feelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself?
I think I’m pretty good at expressing myself on my own. Though I do like to randomly quote stuff.
274. Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product?
Eh.
275. What kind of movies do you wish were made more often?
Good ones.
276. Does fashion matter to you?
My own style matters to me.
277. Should politicians be held to the same legal standards as everyone else?
Duh.
278. What do you get in trouble for the most?
Screwing around.
279. Should parents spank their kids?
I’m not sure, actually.
280. What is your worst daily habit?
Something none of you know about.
281. If you had your choice which one TV show would you have canceled?
I’ve never really liked South Park, but I’ve never really seen it, either.
282. Do you like the taste of sweet or salt?
Salty’s always good.
283. Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts?
Yes.
284. What do you feel the most guilty about?
Oh, something that happened a few years ago…
285. Do you meditate?
No.
286. Can dreams be visions, or do you feel they are always random images?
I think dreams are comprised of things we have thought about or experienced the day prior.
287. Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way?
I try.
288. The thief _______ that everyone steals. What verb would you fill in the blank with?
“Thinks.”
289. What’s the most incredible experience you ever had?
Marching for the Seahawks halftime was pretty freaking amazing.
290. Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel?
Yes.
291. Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it?
It depends on the subject.
292. What is one thing you can’t do?
Touch my toes.
293. Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston?
No idea.
294. Are you gentle?
I try to be.
295. When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable?
When I’m crying. I hate crying.
296. Are you trying to find yourself?
In a sense.
297. Where are you looking?
Under rocks. You know.
298. Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people’s feelings?
Indeed. This is why I keep most of my opinions to myself.
299. What would make you a stronger person?
Muscles?
300. What book would you like to read sometime soon?
I’d like to read Newton’s Principia Mathematica at some point, does that count?
Today’s song: Two Princes by Spin Doctors
Blaaaaaaaah
Oh and look, it’s raining.
I may or may not be back for spring (read: late February) break; it depends on whether or not my mom wants me to go and visit her and her boyfriend in Arizona instead.
Who knows.
Blah.
Today’s song: Dynamite by Taio Cruz
This Week’s Science Blog: Sliding scale fun!
Here’s a short and sweet TWSB for you all, since I spent all afternoon at Sean’s and just rediscovered this while using the airports’ free internet. You’ve probably already seen this already, but it’s still awesome.
Today’s song: Mademoiselle by Berry
This is what happens when you write on the bus
Best typo I’ve found in Googol so far: “There was only one thing Clarke knew for certain at that particular point in time—Google had ruined his privates.”
There’s also a whole paragraph on the main character scratching his butt that I swear to God I don’t remember writing.
I’d like to do something with this story; now that I’m rereading it I think it may be of actual interest to some people out there. I know I couldn’t ever get it published (first, because I suck, and second, because Google would sue my ass in a nanosecond), but maybe I might post it in installments here on the good ol’ blog.
What do you think?
Also, fake Christmas ruled. I got cooking supplies.
Today’s song: L’s Theme Part B by Yoshihisa Hirano and Hideki Taniuchi
Eigenblogger 