More Whining
I am sad.
I’ve been sad a lot lately.
I hate it.
DIE FOR DETHKLOK
Back on May 10, 2011, I used the wise and all-powerful method of taking random internet tests to determine when I was predicted to die. Since I conveniently stumbled across that blog almost exactly seven years later, I’mma do those same quizzes again and compare the results.
GO!
They’s different! But is they’s significantly different?? A paired t-test will tell us!
Hypotheses:
H0: µD = 0
Ha: µD ≠ 0
Test statistic: t(36) = 0.36
p-value: 0.732
Using the standard α = 0.05, no, they are not significantly different.
Fun to do, though!
A Thought
As you are all probably very well aware, I have moved around a lot in my life. Yes, most of that was in one city (Moscow), but I’ve moved a lot. Ask my mom.
At some point or another, I have missed living in most of the places I’ve called home, except for that first house on Grant St. (sorry mom) and that shithole I lived in in Vancouver for the first year or so (this one).
Another place that I’ve (surprisingly) not missed very often? My place in London, ON.
I miss the dorm room sometimes because it was so unlike a dorm room and more like a little apartment and I had it all decorated and pretty (this one), but I really don’t miss London at all.
I don’t know if that’s because those 70-ish days I spent there were part of a very bad time in my life or what, but I just didn’t enjoy it there. I knew I shouldn’t have gone, but I went anyway. And then had to come right back, haha.
That was really a rough time. Maybe I’ll tell you all more about it someday.
Maybe not.
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and Texas
Alright, so I know I’ve mentioned this before on this blog (at least once), but I am super excited about my own death. Ultra morbid, I know, but the idea of my own death is so fascinating. Death is for certain. It will happen. It’s something that I can 100% count on to happen. How many things in this world have that level of certainty?
It’s just so exciting to me to know that I have something that unavoidable in my future. Something that, no matter what I do, will take place. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I know it will occur.
Does anyone else feel that way? Like, everything else in life you’re like, “sure, that might happen to me someday. But maybe not.”
But death?
It’ll happen. And that’s cool.
F THE UNIVERSE
I just deleted all of this year’s walking miles, because fuck everything.
Psst:
I suck. Pass it on.
Crappy Day.
Things that make me feel better:
- My wonderful husband
- My soft kitty
- Knowing that I’ll get to see my mom in a little more than a month
- Walking
- Euro Truck Simulator 2
- Knowing that there might be a lull in the chaos for a few days
The end.
HEY GUESS WHAT
I’m sad.
Ugg
I am a disgustingly ugly human being. And I’m really sick of people trying to convince me otherwise.
Yes, I’m ugly. No, I don’t believe you when you try to tell me I’m not ugly. I know you’re trying to be polite, but knock it off.
I am objectively ugly.
If I had the means, I would plastic surgery the hell out of every part of my body.
“But Claudia, then you wouldn’t look like yourself anymore!”
Fucking exactly.
Apathy, Thy Name Is…eh, who even cares.
I’ve been having a real hard time working up the ability to care about anything lately.
Which would bug me, I’m sure, if I cared.
I suspect this overwhelming feeling of apathy has a lot to do with the fact that I don’t have a walking mileage goal that’s better (read: more) than last year’s. Goals motivate me. Sometimes my goals are the only things that keep me from jumping in front of a bus. But goals only work for me if they get progressively more challenging and/or impressive. So the fact that my mileage goal this year is not greater than 5,000 miles is really messing with my head. It’s like…why care about anything anymore if I’m not making progress by setting more difficult goals?
I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but I can’t think of another reason for such a high level of “I don’t care about anything anymore” feeling. I honestly feel like I wouldn’t care about something really bad happening to me (e.g., getting murdered) or something really good (e.g., winning a Nobel Prize or something) right now.
I’d just be like, “alrighty.”
So that’s a fun mood.
Anyway.
BREAKING NEWS:
I hate myself.
A List of Things I Hate:
- Myself
The end.
I miss Annabelle.
And I am very, very sad.
BLAH
That is all.
(Also, I might actually finish NaNo this year, which is kinda cool.)
Wholly Balls
The following is an accurate depiction of me trying to suppress all my stupid emotions and store them away in a neat little box so that I don’t annoy anyone with my nonsense.
Puttering
My attitude toward my responsibilities right now:
I’ll leave it up to you to decide if this is a good attitude or a bad one.
PIKACHU! ALLDKFJLSJFKLJFAK!
I am having an incredibly difficult time right now.
That’s all I’ve got today, sorry.
jkhkjhjhkjhk
Depressed, barely-able-to-function, “trying is hard” guy is me.
Dog is my loved ones (Nate, mom, Jazzy).
I do not deserve.
RANKITY RANK RANK
Alright, so I want to show ya’ll two different pictures of me.
The left one is a picture of me taken in 2006. I’m going to guess this is sometime during my senior year, probably around March or April. I was experimenting with some makeup in my room – I never actually really wore any back then – so ignore that.
The other picture, the one on the right, was taken basically 10 years later: May 2017.
I feel like I look really different, but is that just my imagination? I mean, ignore the makeup in the first picture (I wish I was good enough at Photoshop to Photoshop it out and not make it look obvious)…the shape of my face has changed quite a bit. Some of the change might be due to a weight difference (I was likely heavier in that old pic than in the new, but I’m not 100% sure), but I think it’s a pretty big difference.
The skin around my eyes is a little different, too, and the tip of my nose looks bigger now (in my opinion), but I guess that’s a decade of age difference for ya.
Weird.
UNGHGH this is OBNOXIOUS
I have absolutely nothing to be sad about…but I am so damn sad.
Why am I so damn sad?
Sorry for the Party Blogging
So this year has been a little rough for me so far for various really stupid reasons, but I’ve been able to handle most of it.
- Obnoxiously cold walking weather? Okay, sure.
- Frantically trying to write/create everything for this semester like a day before I have to present it to my class? Fine?
- Feeling incredibly sad for absolutely no reason? Yeah, whatev.
- Trying to find the time every day to walk 15+ miles? Alright.
- Being obscenely homesick since December. Ugh. Yeah.
But you know what? Today it fucking snowed. And snow in April? I can’t handle that right now.
So I had a little mini mental breakdown on my walk home from campus today. Which, you know, is always fun.
I really hope that my visit to Moscow helps me feel better, because I really don’t know what’s wrong with my stupid brain, but it needs to stop.
BREAKING NEWS
I hate myself.
Z
Hey, so remember when I had a purpose on this planet and wasn’t a complete and utter waste of space, time, and resources?
Neither do I.
Eigenblogger 