Can this feeling of utter hopelessness be over now, please? I’d like to get back to all the lighthearted whining I usually do rather than “wah, I’m sad” whining.
I am sad.
I’ve been sad a lot lately.
I hate it.
Things that make me feel better:
- My wonderful husband
- My soft kitty
- Knowing that I’ll get to see my mom in a little more than a month
- Euro Truck Simulator 2
- Knowing that there might be a lull in the chaos for a few days
So I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I have been incredibly sad since the beginning of the year. I mean, I usually get a little down around New Year’s because New Year’s, but this year it’s just been terrible.
Like, I haven’t felt this sad in a long, long time.
I wish it would stop. It’s killing my motivation and productivity.
(This isn’t a poem I hate poems this is just me rambling sorry I’ll shut up I haven’t slept since Thursday.)
(I’m also super emotional ‘cause someone I’ve connected to very strongly over the past few weeks just left Moscow forever.)
I am the friend that helps you move. Right after the last final of the semester or at 3:30 in the morning, I am the one unfolding empty boxes and asking you what you want to pack first.
I am the friend that cleans the kitchen. You pack the stuff in the pantry and last of the cutlery and I scrub the counters, cabinets, and fridge until everything is as clean as the day you moved in.
I am the friend who distracts you. You need a break and so do I, so I suggest we watch a few YouTube videos and we sit on the warm pile of freshly-dried laundry and watch clips of Disney movies for half an hour.
I am the friend that buys the packing tape. It’s 9 PM and you’re panicking because you’ve got an empty tape dispenser but three more boxes still and I run to the gas station down the road while you continue to prioritize your possessions in anticipation for my return with more tape.
I am the friend that folds your clothes. It’s your least favorite thing to do, but you don’t want to just throw your clothes into boxes. So I fold each item for you to pack neatly away. Yes, even the underwear.
I am the friend who makes space in your car. I play Tetris with your boxes and appliances and manage to fit in the sleeping bag and toolkit that you were sure you’d have to leave behind.
I am the friend that drives you around. You need to take your unused U-Haul boxes back but there’s not enough room in your car, so we load them into mine and I take you to return them. I remind you that you need to stop at the post office and request a permanent change of address.
I am the friend who sees you last. The apartment is clean and the car is packed and you’re ready to leave. We don’t know how to say goodbye, so we just hug again and again until it’s finally time for you to go. I wave from the sidewalk and you wave from your open car window until we can no longer see each other.
And even though I am the friend you have known for the least amount of time, I am also the friend who will miss you the most.
Here are my favorite “I listen to this when I’m sad” songs. I’ve posted some of these before, but I’m doing it again. Because I’m very, very sad today.
- Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning) – Vertical Horizon
- Breath Me – Sia
- Echo – Jason Walker
- Exile Vilify – The National (I can seriously hardly handle this song)
- Fix You – Coldplay
- I Think It’s Going to Rain Today – Randy Newman
- The Last Day on Earth – Kate Miller-Heidke
- 10,000 Miles – Mary Chapin Carpenter
Wow. Cue random depression at like 4 PM this afternoon. Calc was awesome this morning (u-substitution review!) and I spent the afternoon working out and writing stuff (not at the same time), but when I got home I wanted death.
Haha, I guess this is what I get for complaining about being happy the other day, eh?
Touche, brain. Touche.
I need a hug.