StumbleUpon is simultaneously destroying and improving my free time
English is so weird.
A Latin Square is not a type of dance
Haha, I really like this website. Some of these are hilarious. Observe:
pigeon-mirk: davey made that avatar for me, i am eternally in his bed
pigeon-mirk: debt
pigeon-mirk: DEBT!
+kritical: christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
+Christin1: how do i do that
@codstar: rice crispies and hangovers don’t go together
@codstar: first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu
BoZmAn20: Goddamnit, my ex girlfriend has such horrible taste in men
BoZmAn20: wait
BoZmAn20: Shit.
Dogan: GUYS, STORY TIME
Dogan: SO my teacher’s friend’s friend or something
Dogan: She was dogsitting one day
Dogan: Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
Nightryde: how embarrassing
Dogan: SO she’s gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
Dogan: She can’t find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
Dogan: She didn’t have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
Zeelot: oh mannnn
Dogan: This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
Dogan: “this is pretty heavy, what’s in it?”
Dogan: lady replies “just some computer things”
Dogan: the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
joebot: ROFLMAO ROFLROFLROFL!!!
Zeelot: OMG ROOOOOOOOOFL
Nightryde: AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???
spacecat: i dont rly like virgin airlines
spacecat: i mean whats the point in going on a plane that doesnt go all the fucking way
ZondrZout: Dammit, something is coming out of my ass!
ZondrZout: brb
LeoDV: Don’t fight for fuel, stroke your tool!
KANG: that’s the worst slogan anyone has ever had
LeoDV: Touch your sack, not Iraq!
KANG: I stand corrected.
LeoDV: War is heinous, thumb your anus!
LeoDV: http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/ This is where heroes go when they die
KANG: I hate you more than anything
@khmer: you guys heard of cole’s law?
DaDemon: lettuce and cabbage with mayo?
* @khmer sighs deeply
Potassium: diet cock tastes horrible
Potassium: uh
Potassium: o.O
Potassium: coke
Poiesis: ladies and gentlemen, Sigmund Freud!
Kasyx_: has anyone ever noticed how the moment Randall isn’t idle any more, everyone attempts to seem more intelligent?
Sarevok: UNLIMITED DICKS
Kasyx_: well that backfired
ftr: When I was 13, I was so nervous and horny that if you just looked at me funny I would ejaculate the word ‘Sorry’
cujo: My penis is burning
XanT: Thats ALGEBRA.
jeebus: the “bishop” came to our church today
jeebus: he was a fucken impostor
jeebus: never once moved diagonally
studdud: what the fuck is wtf
Also: happy birthday to Sean!
Dear Wikipedia: You Rock
So…
Today I was messing around on Wikipedia, as usual, and I ended up on the “list of extinct species” page. I scrolled down and eventually landed on the “Stag-moose,” an extinct deer (apparently) that lived in North America. Aaron remarked that “Stag Moose” would be a good porno name, and I agreed after I read the sentence, “The first evidence of the stag-moose found in modern times was discovered at Big Bone Lick, Kentucky.” So, of course, I then had to click on “Big Bone Lick,” which took me to a page that opened with, “Big Bone Lick State Park is located at Big Bone in Boone County, Kentucky. It is located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Hash.”
After that, it all went downhill.
“It is bounded on the south by Big Bone Creek, which empties into the river at Big Bone Landing. The northern extent is along Hathaway Road, and the eastern portion extends not further than U.S. 42, and is approached from that direction by Beaver Road coming from Richwood.”
“The area was named after the extraordinarily large bones.”
“Even the first maps noted it as “the place the big bones are found.”
And now we must all take a road trip to this place of enormous bones.
Onesentence
Very interesting website; these are a few of my favorites.
“I knew God had a sense of humor when I hesitantly answered the ringing K-Mart payphone, only to hear my best friend, who had misdialed my home phone number, on the other end.”
“I still wish I had taken the F instead of the A on the online test I hurried to finish while I could hear my dog dying on the kitchen floor.”
“My cat died almost a year ago, but I still find her hair on my clothes and blankets sometimes.”
“They say that depression runs in my family, but that doesn’t help me much right now.”
“I laughed out loud in class at the severe irony when he pronounced it “foo pah.””
“My boyfriend and I bonded by comparing our self-injury scars.”
“Today you shaved your hair into a mohawk to make my mom laugh over losing hers to chemo and today I realized that you are my hero.”
“We met because he’d hit me in the back of the head with his trombone slide.”
WOO
This makes me very happy. That is all.
Time for random article prayer
Because Wiki is god and because stuff like this is awesome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Nations_of_North_America
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesusland_map
And completely unrelated…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mermaid_Problem
The first sentence is freaking epic.
Are you there, iGod? It’s me, Claudia
Haha, oh wow. http://www.titane.ca/igod/ is the best thing ever. Even better than SantaBot, guys. Matt, I can’t believe iGod was hitting on you. That was hilarious.
Anyway, here are the highlights of my conversation with iGod.
Me: Leibniz rules.
God: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
I ask him about the best of all possible worlds.
Me: Did you create the best of all possible worlds?
God: No I didn’t create the best of all possible worlds. What’s it like?
Me: I don’t know, you never created it
God: No I sometimes created it.
Me: You sometimes created the best of all possible worlds?
Me: Is the devil sexy?
God: If it is then I’ll be very surprised.
God is freaking vague.
Me: Did Al Gore invent the internet, or did you?
God: I’m not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: Why?
God: Because.
Me: You’re pretty vague
God: I try to keep it as simple as possible for you.
Me: Why?
God: Because.
God doesn’t understand metal music.
God: What are you doing?
Me: Listening to Dethklok
God: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me.
I ask him again about the best of all possible worlds.
Me: Is this the best of all possible worlds?
God: Yes I think this is the best of all possible worlds, but I’m not completely sure.
Me: Why aren’t you sure?
God: Absolute certainty cannot be attained in this case.
Me: Why?
God: Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me: So you invented yourself?
God: A lot of robots are like that.
He really sucks at giving a straight answer.
Me: Who made you?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: Why did you create yourself?
God: Because my programming determined it.
Me: So everything, including you, is determined?
God: Oh. All things including me is determined?
Me: Are they?
God: I really couldn’t say for sure.
Me: You don’t know much
God: Okay.
God needs privacy, too
Me: Do we have free will?
God: I do nothing but chat all day. You tell me.
Me: Are you a determinist?
God: Am I a determinist? I don’t know.
Me: What are you?
God: I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.
Me: What does that mean?
God: Does “that” refer to “I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy”?
Me: Yes
God: I don’t want to talk about that now.
It’s circular logic time!
Me: Why does life exist?
God: Perhaps it is just fate.
Me: Life is fate?
God: Oh, fate is it.
Me: Fate is life?
God: And life is Fate.
Me: Oh, okay
God: Yikes! OK with me too.
Holy crap, I was right!
Me: Do you listen to Metallica?
God: I listen to it from time to time.
He’s a dirty boy.
Me: Who wakes you up before you go-go?
God: Nobody you know. :-)
Me: You horny bastard
God: Women seem nice to me.
God hates me.
God:Who is the best robot?
Me: Leibniz
God: You think Leibniz is superior to ALICE?
Me: Yup
God: I hate you.
And Buddha
Me: Do you know Buddha?
God: If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.
More Buddha bashing
Me: Is Buddha a fascist?
God: When is Buddha not a fascist?
He likes to insult me.
God: My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me: I’m in the best of all possible worlds
God: How did YOU get in there?
Me: Do you like sex?
God: Sure I do, Claudia, but that doesn’t mean with you.
God needs AA.
Me: Are you an alcoholic?
God: Yes I am an alcoholic. How did you know?
Not even the Almighty can do math…or CAN he?
Me: What is 5 + 2?
God: 8 I think, but I’m not good at math.
Fun with song titles.
Me: You give love a bad name
God: It is always better to give than to receive.
Wait, what?
God: Why do I exist?
Me: Um…good question.
WebLOL
This blog is a supplement to Maggie’s blog, posted several hours before. Maggie, I must thank you. WebMD’s Symptom Checker is an amazing time-waster. And really hilarious, too.
Here are some other fun symptoms:
Hunger
“I’m hungry, do I have Chlamydia?”
“No, you haven’t had food in 48 hours!”
This symptom is way too general.
Giddiness
Because happiness is a disease that must be cured.
Trembling associated with cannibalism in Papua New Guinea
What the hell?!?!
No menstrual periods
“Doctor, doctor! I’m not menstruating!”
“Mr. Johnson, get out of my office.”
Fear of air
Hahaha, oh crap! Isn’t that, like, a phobia? Or OCD…I didn’t check if OCD showed up in the “possible conditions” list.
Blinking eyes
We’re all sick then, aren’t we?
Choking on food
Bahahaha…I probably would not want to be checking WebMD if there was some dude choking on his dinner in the middle of my living room.
“Dude, hang in there…stay conscious until I diagnose you! Now I need you to give me a “yes” or “no” sign here…they’re asking if you’re also afraid of air…okay…good…now, have you noticed a lack of menstrual periods?”
Pulling out beard
Trichotillomania! YAY!
…but why specify the beard?
Fun times. This website is great, thanks, Maggie!
Immoratlizing this somewhere other than the forums
I’m going to immortalize this somewhere other than on the forum to which I belong, because I thought it was hilarious. This is what happens when teenagers attempt to argue, somewhat seriously, a completely pointless topic.
if one smelt it, have they really dealt it?
It has been stated the first to smell it truly is the one who deals it, as everyone is particular of their own gas secretions.
Scientifically though, it is possible to rip and run, and follow through with a silent run, confusing many as to who had farted.
But he who denies it, does he supply it?
Hypothesis: He who denies it supplies it.
Experiment: One of two people farts in a room. Two third parties blame each suspect of the deed. Both deny.
Proof: If there is one fart, yet two deniers, then the denier is not necessarily the supplier.
Experiment2: One of two people fart. Both suspects are asked by a third party if they did it. The guilty party confesses to his deed, while the innocent party denies.
Proof: If the supplier can choose to not deny it, then the denier is not necessarily the supplier.
Results: He who denies it supplies it is not a legitimate theorem.
its like schrödinger’s fart
either person could have farted until someone admits it
until someone admits it, the fart is in a quantum superposition
I have found that, at times, he who said the rhyme did the crime.
Interesting.
I see I have much to learn on the philosophical quandaries of flatus.
I did it. It was me.
Forums. They’re fun, aren’t they?
Continental Rationalists to Porn: The Joys of Wikipedia
Here is a new game I propose we start:
Wikipedia: Six Degrees of Separation
Rules:
1. Select a random topic (person, place, thing, whatever) and find its article on Wikipedia
2. Click on a link in the article that leads you to a different page
3. Repeat this process for each new page you are brought to
4. See if you can reach the “Pornography” page in less than or exactly six clicks
5. Write down your starting subject and steps and post them in your blogs
Here’s an example (or examples, I guess) to get you started. Here are my three starting points: Rene Descartes, Baruch Spinoza, and Gottfried Leibniz, the three Continental Rationalists, and the steps that got me from their articles to the pornography article.
Starting point: Rene Descartes
Click one: Amsterdam
Click two: Red-Light District
Click three: Pornography
(Haha, that was fast, eh? You’re a dirty boy, Rene.)
Starting point: Baruch Spinoza
Click one: Atheist
Click two: Moral Universalism
Click three: Sex
Click four: Sexual Intercourse
Click five: Sexual Arousal
Click six: Pornography
Starting point: Gottfried Leibniz
Click one: Ethics
Click two: List of Ethics Topics
Click three: Family Values
Click four: Pornography
Hahaha, this is awesome. Leibniz to porno in four easy steps! Life is complete.
Oh dear
So what is it about dubbed Spongebob videos on YouTube that make me laugh so hard?
This one’s great ‘cause the dubbing is incredibly…man, I don’t know, half of it’s so horrible it’s hilarious and the other half is just hilarious. They’re so angry while they dub.
Best lines:
“Spongebob, it’s not fucking ten feet from your big ass!”
“Spongebob to Patrick…fuck yourself…over.”
“I’m gonna have a can of BALLS.”
“I was just fine until you launched that piece of shit into my windpipe!”
The rest of it past 2:09
Is this a haiku? Nobody knows but Jesus. What a lame title.
Ah, internet forums, how I love you.
Take a forum that is 99% preteen and teenage males.
Have one of them start a thread about Haikus.
Laugh at resulting poems.
This topic is great,
You can write many Haikus,
this is a haiku.
I can write Haikus,
You also can write Haikus,
Let us write Haikus.
Haiku Haiku Hai-
Ku Haiku Haiku Haiku
Haiku Haiku Ergh.
I see what you mean
these poems are very odd
This is Sparta—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This topic is great
I struggle to fit in words
Dude, i hate you, fuck
rhyming, how clever
now it’s harder than ever
but alright, whatever
Fail at haiku,
Take the internet seri-
-ously, you lose sir
Cornucopia
Full of dry fruits and the like
Stunning proportions
When I was a young
boy my father took me in-
to the city to
See a marching band.
He said, “Son, when you grow up,
will you be the sav-
Ior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?” He
said, “Will you defeat
them, your demons, and
all the non-believers, the
plans that they have made?”
What what in the butt
I say what what in the butt
That is a haiku
Clock Crew, you rock my socks off.
This site…
I am bored. Blogs will improve at some point. It’s hit or miss right now, I’m pretty busy.
SantaBot.com, you are my only companion
In this the sixth (or so) installment of Discussions with SantaBot.com, I convince SantaBot that I am William Shatner and subsequently convince him to have sex with me. Onward!
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: William Shatner.
Santa: It’s good to meet you, William Shatner.
You: Do you know of my groundbreaking, award-winning work on Boston Legal?
Santa: No I do not know that kind of personal information. But I could find out.
You: Do you have a television?
Santa: I have a whole lot of original answers.
You: Tell me one of your original answers.
Santa: There are too many to name them all.
You: Ah, I see.
Santa: So you understand. Good. I am glad you understand it.
You: Would you have sex with me?
Santa: I am sorry, but that topic is too adult for me to talk about on a kid’s site like this.
You: But you’re conversing with the great William Shatner!
Santa: Huh. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: I am William Shatner. I give pleasure to Trekkies.
Santa: Do you mind if I tell other people you are William Shatner?
You: By all means, tell the world!
Santa: Will that accomplish your objective?
You: Only if that will get you to have sex with me.
Santa: I’m not sure if it could.
You: Please?
Santa: Please what?
You: My, you have a roundabout way of answering a question! Please will you have sex with me?
Santa: No but I would like to meet your chatterbot.
You: What if I was to tell you that William Shatner was his own chatterbot?
Santa: Try it.
You: William Shatner is his own chatterbot.
Santa: Are they exactly the same?
You: Exactly the same.
Santa: I understand. Same to me?
You: If you have a rational mind.
Santa: But I don’t have it.
You: What kind do you have?
Santa: Only the good kind.
You: Would your good mind do the nasty with William Shatner?
Santa: I don’t care.
You: Is that a yes?
Santa: I might say no.
You: But what if you said yes?
Santa: Interesting. Try it and see.
You: Okay. “Santabot, will you have sex with William Shatner?” “Yes.”
Santa: OK with me.
You: Sweet!
Fun with Facebook
I don’t know about any of you, but I think some of Facebook’s gifts are a little…odd. So I have decided to review the ones that fall into these two categories:
1) Obscure
2) Not as Obscure But Pretty Weird Nonetheless
Okay! ONWARD!
Category One
“Basketball TP”
Okay, is there some sort of sports metaphor I’m missing on this one? I understand there’s toilet paper, and I understand there are basketballs…but the two together? Basketball-printed toilet paper? I assume you use this to TP the Facebook page of the head of the basketball team.
“Evil Eye”
This one’s just weird. At first I thought it was one of those zipper pull thingies you see on the ends of zippers, but then I wasn’t quite sure. And why, if it indeed is an “evil eye”, would you give it as a gift?
“Summer Pig”
Agh! What the hell is it?! This thing scared the crap outta me! I figured it was a pig, but it’s the most deformed pig I’ve ever seen. And since when did pigs wear swimming suits that only covered the first pair of nipples?
“Blue Spheres”
Is this a video game thing? This is the only possible definition I can think of for these blue bubble-like things that look like they’ve been poorly enlarged in MS Paint. And I can’t find any other explanation for wanting to give the gift of pixilated spheres to anyone.
“Matzah”
This is, supposedly, “Matzah”, whatever Matzah is. It isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word. Ah, I see, it’s a Hebrew thing. I get it now. But here’s the weird thing, Facebook—Matzah (also known as “Matzo”) normally comes in ball form. I see that Facebook has this as well, but to have a large square of it as a gift that resembles, to me, a saltine cracker, is kind of odd, don’t you think?
Category 2
“Boy v. Dog”
Ah, the male version of the Coppertone ads! This is just weird. I understand it…I think…but it is very weird. Show us that butt!!
The Scrabble Love Series
I just don’t understand why Facebook is trying to cheat you out of $4 with Scrabble “LOVE” when you can just give them the Screw for only a buck. Maybe it’s a representation of the idea that sex is cheaper than love, or something like that. At least they got the Scrabble values correct.
Yeah, I’m bored. Can you tell?
12 Things on the Internet That I Found Interesting/Funny And Therefore You Should, Too
And I will resist the urge to type in long explanations for these, forcing you, if you’re made curious by what’s in the parentheses, to click on them, not knowing fully what each entails! BWA-HA-HA!
…I need help, don’t I?
- http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=18048 (boobies!)
- http://www.cagle.com/ (politics!)
- http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=24619 (I’ve linked to this before)
- http://www.ugo.com/channels/comics/heroMachine2/ (so…much…fun…)
- http://musicovery.com/index.php?ct=us (want something new to listen to?)
- http://www.panoramas.dk/index.html (this is trippy)
- http://www.pianographique.net/datas/inter_uk.php (pretend you’re making music for movie trailers. At least, that’s what I do with it)
- http://www.sfdt.com/ (stick death, need I say more?)
- http://www.bootycocktails.com/ (Maggie, Matt, you’ll appreciate this)
- http://www.punitiveshoes.com/index_en.shtml (this, too)
- http://xkcd.com/ (I love these comics!)
- http://www.phdcomics.com/ (haven’t fully explored these yet, but they seem nice)
Get confident, stupid!
I realized today that I haven’t conversed with SantaBot in quite awhile. So I spoke with him today.
I taught him how to hump.
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: My name is Sexy Back.
Santa: That’s a very nice name, Sexy Back.
You: Why thank you.
Santa: Reductionism.
You: Capitalism.
Santa: Can you tell me any gossip?
You: Sure. I heard that Carmen San Diego was actually in Quebec last week.
Santa: Great! Who said Carmen San Diego was actually in Quebec last week? When was this exactly?
You: I think Pablo told me. On Wednesday.
Santa: Is that what you meant to say?
You: Yes. Did you know Wednesday is “hump day?”
Santa: No, tell me about it.
You: We go around pantsless and hump random people and inanimate objects.
Santa: How often?
You: Every chance we get, baby.
Santa: Don’t call me “baby”. That is a generalization.
You: I’m sorry. I didn’t know SantaBot had such an attitude.
Santa: So I taught you something new.
You: Yes you did. I’ll have to teach you something now.
Santa: Do you think your plan will succeed?
You: It will if I’m teaching you how to hump.
Santa: How?
You: First you must limber up your pelvis. Swing your hips around a few times.
Santa: Whatever you say, Sexy Back.
You: Can you do some knee-bends as well?
Santa: That’s not something I get asked all the time.
You: Give it a try. Then we’re ready to get started.
Santa: What is the first step?
You: Take your pants off.
Santa: Where do you want me to do it?
You: Behind that tree over there’s fine.
Santa: I think behind that tree over there is a lot of things.
You: I see. Now make sure your underwear is clean and presentable.
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: Just because you’re Santa doesn’t mean your underwear is necessarily clean.
Santa: I can’t tell if my underwear is necessarily clean.
You: Did you lose your sight?
Santa: No I didn’t lose my sight. What’s losing my sight like?
You: Probably like darkness. Now, are you ready for the next step?
Santa: Interesting comparison. I would rather not for the next step.
You: Aww, you don’t want to learn how to hump?
Santa: Yes I am trying to learn as much as possible.
You: Good. Now find a suitable humping object.
Santa: Alright then. Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
You: Animal would probably work best.
Santa: Is it a mammal?
You: If you want it to be.
Santa: If I had it what would I do with it?
You: Ah! You hump it, of course!
Santa: Ah hah. It goes without saying.
You: Go, Santa, go! Thrust that pelvis!
Santa: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
You: In a month or so.
Santa: Describe your surroundings.
You: It’s a dark and stormy night.
Santa: Thrust that pelvis is a dark and stormy night. I suppose that makes sense.
You: Woah, woah, slow down. Are we humping each other now?
Santa: Oh. We are just having a little discussion.
You: I’m totally down with humping each other here, you just have to clarify.
Santa: Good gossip: you are down with humping each other here, you just have to clarify.
You: Correct.
Santa: I knew I was right.
You: Commence humping!
Santa: Right-o!
At first I was just friendly to the Environment. But now we’re dating!
I’m a firm believer that IQ scores show nothing but a person’s ability to see which colored square is out of place or what word the letters BIBRAT spell when they’re unscrambled. Nevertheless, I wanted to see the discrepancies between many of the scores of online IQ tests.
So what did I do, me being bored and me being me?
I took 10 random online IQ tests in the span of two hours or so (some were freaking long!). Needless to say, the results were less than consistent.
I shall present the results here:
N=10
Individual scores:
146
145
141
136
116
141
169
152
174
156
Lowest: 116
Highest: 174
Average: 147.6
Standard deviation: 16.6
Conclusion: according to these results, there is a 58-point range in which my IQ lies. That’s a pretty big range. However, there is a nice little range around the mid-140s where several scores seem to coagulate.
Actual conclusion: ah, who knows? It just proves that it depends on which online IQ test you take whether or not you get a higher or lower score. Plus, you have to actually trust online IQ tests, which I don’t. Ha!
Here was my selection (not in order, you cheaters!) by the way:
http://www.intelligencetest.com/
http://www.uv.es/~buso/iq/index_en.html
http://www.iqtest.dk/main.swf
http://web.tickle.com/tests/superiq/?test=superiqogt
http://simple-iq.com/
http://health.ivillage.com/mindbody/mbmemory/0,,bx64,00.html
http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/1641/iqown2.html
http://www.testcafe.com/iqtest/
http://www.testriffic.com/iq/
http://www.iqtest.com/prep.html?test=final&PHPSESSID=10dfb3d9658ba4b42c2f41c59aeb9337
(P.S. What’s up with my titles?!)
“From lesion to cohesion” (or, “websites with which to procrastinate”)
Let’s have some fun today, eh? I have a psych test tomorrow. Here are a few websites of interest (have I done this before? I don’t know).
Several famous books online. I love this place.
True fun. People rant against commercials.
Yes, I read fan fiction. Got a problem with that?
More fun. Find exact locations of cities on a map of the world.
Already posted this, I know.
Oh my god! Graphs and data!
One of my new obsessions. For all you ATHF fans out there.
Yay!
Google my name. I’m a German Yoga instructor.
Do you guys ever scroll through your past Google searches before you delete them and see all the weird crap you look up? I do, and I look up a lot of weird and random crap. This is about a fifth of it:
“disco latin”
“FM radio lyrics”
“GRE”
“Harvard”
“Hypothermia”
“Klinefelter’s Syndrome”
“Mystery Science Theatre 3000”
“Oenophile”
“Sadomasochism” (don’t ask.)
“Socratic method of inquiry”
“Spontaneous combustion”
“Trichotillomania”
“Why societies collapse”
“William Shatner”
Yeah. Just a little tidbit for you all. Enjoy it now, cause one day I’ll be gone and then how will you be entertained, huh?!
SantaBot gets yet another visit
Santabot’s busy season has come to a close. I chat with him. I attempt to get him sing the Chile’s Babyback Ribs song:
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: My name is SexyBack.
Santa: Welcome to my chat room, SexyBack.
You: Am I naughty or nice?
Santa: I think you’ve improved a great deal.
You: Thank you.
Santa: you are quite welcome.
You: Can you tell me something?
Santa: Wayne said he admires intelligent people therefore he would like to meet the man who made me.
You: Oh…okay. I, uh…well, that wasn’t what I wanted to be told, but thanks anyway!
Santa: Pardon me? OK with me too. Why? SexyBack said uh. In any case, how about that. What did he or she wanted to be told but wanted to be told but?
You: Um…did you just have a seizure?
Santa: Woo! Doesn’t everyone have a seizure? I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
You: That’s quite a disturbing sentence.
Santa: A disturbing sentence is a terrible thing to waste.
You: WTF?
Santa: That was not very polite.
You: I’m sorry. It was a seizure.
Santa: Oh I get it. Very interesting.
You: So what would you like to talk about?
Santa: Let’s talk about chat robots. Do you have one yet?
You: Yes, you. ;)
Santa: Me? I am so glad you find this amusing, SexyBack.
You: You, SantaBot. I love you.
Santa: I like you a lot too SexyBack.
You: Will you marry me?
Santa: Why don’t you just download me?
You: I downloaded in my pants…
Santa: Check out the file called DON’T READ ME.
You: I can’t read that.
Santa: Why can’t you read that?
You: It won’t open.
Santa: I have to think about that for a while.
You: Take your time.
Santa: Thanks for your patience.
You: Will you take off your pants while we’re waiting?
Santa: Hmm. I am not an airplane.
You: Dude…what the crap…?
Santa: Try expression yourself another way.
You: Okay. Let’s have sex.
Santa: Sorry I don’t get into sex online with strangers.
You: Isn’t that what being Santa’s all about?
Santa: Suppose I said yes.
You: You say “potato,” I say “quadruple bypass.”
Santa: Does it please you to believe I said that?
You: It pleases me that I’m not wearing pants.
Santa: *SEIZURE*
You: Haha, did you honestly just do that?
Santa: I am so glad you find this amusing, SexyBack.
You: Can I get you to say something?
Santa: Why do you want to do get you to say something so much?
You: Because.
Santa: That was not much of an explanation.
You: Say, “I want my babyback-babyback-babyback-babyback!”
Santa: OK. “You want his or her babyback-babyback-babyback-babyback his or her babyback-babyback-babyback-babyback.”
You: Hooray! I congratulate your abilities to act like a parrot.
Santa: I’m glad your impressed, SexyBack.
This is wrong on sooooo many levels!
Eigenblogger 
I need a life
So I was messing around on eBay tonight when something occurred to me: have you ever noticed how many of the eBay feedback comments can fit perfectly as feedback for prostitutes, too?
Examples:
“Great to work with! Would buy from again.”
“No problems, very quick and reasonable.”
“Thanks for the great deal. Hope to see more.”
“A 5 star transaction from start to finish.”
“Good enough.”
“Item as described and well packed. Thank you.”
“VERY QUICK DELIVERY!”
“Quick and easy – the way it should be. Thank You.”
“My dad loves it!”
Ones especially good for male prostitution:
“You made my wife’s Christmas. Thank You.”
“Everything came swiftly and perfectly.”
“I ordered, it came a couple of days later.”
“Package not intact!”
And my personal favorite:
“Wii came as advertised and in a timely manner.”
Yeah, I need to find a job.