Tag Archives: 2006

What proportion of praying mantises are atheists?

SCREW YOU depression, I’m trying to be a functioning adult.

Didn’t go work out this morning. Instead, curled up in bed and cried for two hours.

I wonder how many calories despair burns.

I also forgot to pack my broccoli/hummus for snackies at work, though, so maybe that’ll balance some of it out.

Stupid.

Not even watching the new Metalocalypse episode (once I finally dragged myself out of bed) cheered me up, even though it had the most badass ending ever.

Blah.

Maybe posting old recently-discovered pictures from senior prom would cheer me up?


(Me, Amy, E’raina, Tanna, and Aneel, left to right, on my back porch)

 

 


(Amy had so many wardrobe issues that night)

 


(I lost approximately 10 pounds of glitter off that dress while dancing that night and yet it still sheds excessively)

 

Meh. Aneel in a martini apron is still pretty awesome.

What’s in a name? A whole lotta crap in 2006, apparently…

So, being bored as I often am, I decided to look the top 10 boy/girl names of 2006. After looking at the lists, I felt that I could make more fun of the boys names. So here it is.

Here we go!

1. Aiden
“Salt can Aiden the production of the slime layer and speed up the healing of some wound sites.”
It’s probably not a good idea to use a name that can be used (and make sense) in this sentence. However, seeing the rising stupidity of Americans, it’s no wonder why this is the top name nowadays.

2. Jacob
Oh noes! The only acronym I can come up with for this name is “Jumbo Ass Capsizes the Oarsman’s Boat”…not a good sign, people. Not a good sign.

 3. Ethan
Google “Ethan” and you get Ethan Allen, Ethan Hawke, and Ethan Coen, in that order.
I used to know an Ethan. I think I beat him up once or twice. Lemme tell you something, people: it’s pretty bad when an “Ethan” (name meaning: solid) gets beat up by a “Claudia” (name meaning: lame).

 4. Ryan
I actually like this name (I bet some of the people who went to high school with me can guess why!). Nice and plain, and it has that long “i” sound in it. I like long “i’s”. They’re hot.

5. Matthew
Gesundheit.

6. Jack
Another good name. It’s manly. It’s a name given to boys with A.D.D., gambling addictions, or to jesters who enjoy being “–in-the-box.” May develop a large, white head with an unmoving mouth that is prone to promoting hamburgers.

 7. Noah
Oh Noah! It’s Noah! This child will be good at building things and counting to two. He will probably be born under a water sign. Do not use this unless his last name is “‘s Ark”.

 8. Nicholas
Unless he develops a belly that resembles a bowlful of jelly and a fondness for cookies and milk (and a skill for breaking and entering), this child will be forever plagued with being called a “ho-ho-ho” as well as frivolous lawsuits from children claiming that he somehow knows when they’re sleeping and also when they’re awake.

 9. Joshua
This boy will be tall as a tree. Birds will nest in him. Yucca moths will swarm him annually. U2 will name an album after him. In other words, this is not a good choice (unless you live Where the Streets Have No Name).

 10. Logan
Sounds like some awful thing people chant at a sporting event, doesn’t it? “Looooo-gan….Loooooooooo-gan…Loooooooooo-gan…YOU SUCK!”