So close I can taste it
It’s going to be very difficult for me to leave school again when it becomes time to do so. I know I’ve mentioned this on here before, but in “Ideal Claudia World of Ultimate Happiness”, I would somehow find a way to continue to go to school for the rest of my life. Also, in this world, I’d keep on working my current job, because HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT SO. This was actually the most fantastic semester ever because not only did I get to take a bunch of cool classes, but I also got to teach at the same time.
You know, now that I think about it, even though it’d be a total longshot and would probably never work, I should propose it to the President of the U of I. “I will complete every undergraduate degree you offer if I can keep working as a lecturer to pay for it.” I’ve always said I’ve wanted to do that and then write a book about the experience. That’d actually be pretty good publicity for the University, assuming it was actually a good book (longshot #2). And how cool would it be to study a University by completing every major it has to offer?
I don’t care how outlandish and stupid that idea sounds—it sounds cool to me. And I know I’d run into arguments that would go along the lines of, “well, if you’re actually serious about learning stuff, you don’t necessarily have to stay in school; you can learn things outside of the classroom blah blah blah blah blah.”
Yes, I’m aware of that. Two counters:
1) quite a few of the things offered at a Univeristy are things that, on my own, I probably wouldn’t have either the resources to learn or even just the ability to learn in an efficient manner. Take a foreign language, for example. I’m not too confident about my bilingual ability (assuming I would acquire some) and thus would probably do best in a classroom-type setting. Learning about something else in which I have no background would fall under this category, too.
2) I’m actually one of those people who learns best in a classroom-type setting. I suppose I’m lucky in a way; ever since I entered school I’ve been in an environment that naturally works for me when it comes to actually learning material.
But anyway.
A girl can dream, right?
Haha, sorry, this has been on my mind all semester.
Don’t fear the future
So I met with my advisor today. After explaining that the reason I didn’t take half the classes I’d told him I’d take this semester was because I’ve got the best job EVER, he confirmed that my classes for next semester were good choices.
We also talked about what the heck I’m going to do for the next couple of years. While I’d like to get an actual factual math degree, we both agreed that the more practical (and equally awesome) plan should be for me to fill in my missing math knowledge (the calculus series, the two mathematical statistics classes) and then apply for a stats PhD somewhere. Unfortunately (fortunately? I don’t even know anymore), said PhD, if it were to occur, would not occur anywhere around here, ‘cause neither U of I nor WSU offers a PhD in statistics.
Of course, I’m going to try for the best programs in the country, which I might actually have a shot at considering my old (and TERRIBLE) GRE scores are going to be invalid by next October so I’ll have to retake that (after studying this time, of course).
BUT, I think I’ll have to be here two years, and in that time I think I can actually get a BS in math ANYWAY, so how cool? And I’m glad for the two years, anyway. I’m so sick of moving.
I’m excited. Time to look up schools!
Mind the Gap Year
BIG NEWS, READERS!
Actually, not really. Assuming all 11 of you subscribers read this regularly, maybe two of you will actually give a crap about this.
But whatever. It’s big news to me.
(this is a repeat for those of you on Facebook, so go ahead and skip if you want)
I’ve saved up a bunch of money working down here at PCC. I’ve decided to take that money and use it to go back to the University of Idaho for (at least) a year.
Why? Multiple reasons.
Reason one: the job market blows heavy metal balls chunks now. Sure, companies are hiring statisticians, but the positions open are all “Senior Statistician” or “Veteran Analyst” or “900-Year-Old Data Wizard”, meaning you need 10+ years of experience, a PhD, or both.
Reason two: I still feel like my math knowledge is insufficient for the level of statistics understanding that I’d like. I never took the actual factual calculus series (despite taking like twenty calc classes) and I feel like I really do need that plus the subsequent Mathematical Statistics course to really understand what the hell I’m doing. If I can crank out the calc classes and some other higher level math, I’d like to try to apply to a PhD program in stats.
Reason three: school is my hot sweet lover. We need each other. In bed.
Reason four: the “why don’t you just go to U of A/PCC?” defense. U of A is super expensive, and being a “transfer” student now (non-traditional, WOO!), I would have had to apply back in like January to have gotten any chance of getting in. And PCC is way cheap, but there aren’t that many classes at the level I’m at since it’s a community college and not a university. Plus, I have to go through a few extra steps to verify that my Canadian degree is in fact legit, and I’m lazy, so that’s a deterrent right there.
Itty bitty reason five: I miss having friends. Hopefully I’ll see you sillies up there as well as make some new friends in band. Yes, I’m taking band.
So WOO! I leave in a few weeks. Gotta pack and all that. Hoorah. So I guess this past year’s been my (super delayed) “gap year.”
Also, screw sleep.
I think Scooby Doo is in my pants
So.
Due to multiple reasons (some health-related, some family-related, some money-related), I have been without a solid plan for my near/intermediate future for approximately 7 months now. Being without said plan has been slowly destroying my will to live.
So I’m sick of it.
But now I’m conflicted over what to do. There aren’t any stats jobs in Tucson or in the surrounding area. In fact, around the country there are very few entry-level stats jobs. Even for freaking PhD students…everyone’s looking for statisticians with like 10+ years of experience (not exaggerating).
So here’s how I see it: I’m the type of person who either needs to be in a field where I can obsess over doing stuff I love (read: statistics), or I need to be acquiring more knowledge in some sort of full-time or at least mostly-full-time type of environment.
So if a job isn’t happening at the moment, what’s left?
SCHOOL!
I guess I was never really conflicted about that. I pretty much figured I’d return to school someday because that’s just the type of person I am. So what’s the conflict?
Do I…
A) Stay down here and go to school at my place of employment, Pima Community College (it’s too late to register for the University of Arizona, I don’t have THAT much money, and I’m still technically an out-of-state resident so $$$$$$$$!),
or…
B) Go back to the black hole that is Moscow and play out my dream schedule for fall (I’m already enrolled and set for tuition payments).
Pros for Option A
- Not having to move again
- Still in the same city as my mom, which is a big deal to both of us
- Cheap as hell; totally tuition-free if I keep working there
- SCHOOL!
Cons for Option A
- Tucson is…blah.
- PCC doesn’t have a lot of *advanced* classes, which is where I am in a lot of stuff pertaining to my education (except calc…I’d like to review basic calc until it makes perfect sense in my head).
- If I were to transfer to UA, again, $$$$$$$$$!
- I’d probably have to keep my current job. It’s an okay job, but it’s not ideal.
Pros for Option B
- Dream schedule! Seriously. It’s awesome.
- My dad’s like “rent-free living in the basement if you take care of the house while I’m gone” (which would be for approximately 33% of the year, maybe a little more now). I also think he’s lonely.
- MY KITTY CAT IS THERE OMFG I MISS HER
- It’s the U of I, meaning that I know that damn school inside and out and can get exactly what I want out of it
Cons for Option B
- Moscow is…Moscow.
- I’d have to live with my dad. I shouldn’t put this as a con because he’s offering free rent (shut up, selfish brain, shut up!), but if you’ve ever lived with my dad, you’d totally understand this point.
- Moving. AGAIN.
- Being away from my mom. We’re close, shut up.
So yeah. I have no idea what I’ll do. Plus, if I go back, I’ll have to face all the “I thought you were in grad school?” questions, to which I’ll have to answer “I was, and I’m done, but…” And we all know how judgmental people are.
BLAHSEKLDHFSDLFSWEERLWchicken.
You say tomato, I say existential crisis
Hello for the 2,178th time! Wow, that’s a lot of blogs.
Anyway.
Due to reasons that are still up in the air in terms of whether or not they’ll actually be reasons, I might—might—be coming back to Moscow in the fall.
Yeah, yeah, I know, “make up your damn mind already.” I would if I could, man. This “up in the air” stuff isn’t good for a planning, goal-oriented, future-focused person like myself.
But anyway.
If I come back, I’d like to go back to school (while working, of course) if at all possible. So in order to be able to implement that plan should it become a feasible option in the future, I reapplied for admission and subsequently signed up for just a few credits in the fall.
Better safe than sorry, no?
And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy making a schedule that might actually happen.
I’m a TACO SHIP!
Three things in decreasing order of importance:
1.
2. I’m a tactile person. Whenever I go shopping (for clothes, food, miscellaneous fun stuff) I’m always feeling stuff. Like walking through the racks of clothes in Walmart, for example…I have to feel every article of clothing (gotta grope ‘em all!). I’ve actually just recently become aware of this compulsion.
3. I don’t know what to do this fall. In reality, I have no major commitments. My job is technically a temp job, even though I’m working fulltime and am basically a “regular” employee. I reapplied to the U of I so that I could have some form of school to fall back on, ‘cause it’s me and I can’t get enough book learnin’. At the same time, though, I have no obligations to go back. Hell, I could stay down here and take every class offered by Pima Community college; it’s like 80% cheaper than UI, they’ve got good math and writing/fiction classes and what appears to be a pretty comprehensive music program for a community college, and I already work there so I could just go from class-work-class-work-class-home-dinking time everyday and not worry about that. I just want to accrue knowledge!
END! Pointless blog.
Defining the next four years of my life
CRAP I hate applying for funding. For the Ontario Graduate Scholarship, we basically have to write a proposal detailing our research focus for the next four years (PhD). The problem is, we’re not even supposed to pick an area of emphasis until this coming April. But it’s a good thing, I think. It’s forcing me to actually think about exactly what I want to do with my philosophy degree.
What I’m really interested in, thanks to my thesis work, are the philosophical ramifications of assessing model fit, particularly in structural equation modeling (‘cause it’s what I’m most familiar with now), but also in things like factor analysis and regression. What are the best methods to determine appropriate model fit? Should a fit index show better fit for a model with two factors when the factors are nearly orthogonal but the observable variables are all somewhat equally correlated, or should a fit index show better fit for a model with two factors that are more closely correlated but whose observable variables are more correlationally (is that a word?) separated between the two factors? What components of a model should weigh most heavily when determining model fit? Is there an “ideal” index in that sense?
It might sound weird or obscure or pedantic or whatever, but it’s interesting to me. And I think it’s very important that we start looking at the philosophical side of statistics now that we’ve got the software to run mega simulations and Monte Carlos and number orgies and sexy graphs and…
Sorry.
I’m excited.
Dudes…
So I’ve finally come to the realization that I’m going to be moving halfway across the continent and am probably not returning in a long while. I’ll be in freaking Eastern Time, yo. I’ll be living surrounded by Great Lakes (and, well, Canadians, but that’s nothing new now). Scary stuff. At least for me.
Sorry, I’m in full freak-out mode and thus don’t have much to say. See you tomorrow!
Oh hey look, I forgot I had a future
I can’t freaking wait for Western Ontario, dudes. The fact that there’s a whole class on the philosophy of probability is amaaaaaaazing.
Other things I’m excited about:
– getting back into a music class/program/band/something.
– moving back into a dorm. I know that sounds dorky, but I’ll have wireless back and not have an hour-long commute to campus.
– not being in Vancouver.
– not having a soul-crushing depression hanging over every second of my existence. Hopefully.
– getting away from the West Coast.
– cheaper EVERYTHING.
– getting paid to talk about/think about/write about/dink around with the philosophy of science.
– reading through the Philosophy of Science Comprehensive Exam study guide, which includes Kuhn, Popper, Curd & Cover’s anthology, and like 50 other sexy texts.
– possibly owning a car.
YAY.
A Red Sea and its Better Half are Soon Parted
So I’ve made my decisions.
Thesis defense will, if everything works out, occur sometime in May (the earlier in the month, the better).
I will then be done with my program here and have decided to move east to London, Ontario to pursue a PhD in philosophy (particularly the philosophy of science, more particularly the philosophy of statistics) at the University of Western Ontario.
Yup. Finally getting off the west coast.
The fantastic road trip across the continental US will occur sometime in August, for which my mom and I shall rent a van and drive the suggested Google Earth route, which involves passing through as many states as possible:
It will be wicked.
Here are some fun facts about London, Ontario:
– It sits on the Thames River. Not kidding.
– Population of approximately 350,000 people.
– Halfway between Toronto and Detroit.
– More southern than Boise.
– Affected by thunderstorms more than any other city in Canada (AWESOME).
– Home to the most technologically advanced Kellogg’s plant in Canada.
– Not Vancouver, and therefore not a rainy hellhole.
And a few fun facts about the University of Western Ontario:
– 20,500 undergrads, 4,500 grads.
– Ranked 164th university in the world (UBC is 44th).
– The philosophy of science program is ranked as a second tier program according to Philosophical Gourmet.
– Second largest philosophy department in Canada (largest is University of Toronto).
Yayzorz.
Claudia’s Trans-Canadian Adventures: Day 2
Dear University of Western Ontario,
You are a creepy hybrid and I think I’m in love with you.
Seriously, both the campus and town are some sort of freakish, almost impossible combination of Moscow/UI and Vancouver/UBC.
I like it here. The bus system seems reasonable, it’s not raining, people actually have their own senses of style instead of all wearing the same coat, the same boots, and the same scarves, and…oh yeah: THE PHILOSOPHY DEPARTMENT FREAKING RULES.
It’s the second largest in Canada and has a tier 2 ranking for philosophy of science (which is pretty awesome, considering there is only one school in tier 1). There’s also a special institute called the Rotman Institute of Philosophy to which you can apply and get a special office in a separate part of the building with a bunch of other phil of sci dorks. How awesome is that?!
Other bonuses:
- It’s not raining.
- The rec center. Holy crap, it’s amazing.
- You can RENT AN OFFICE IN THE LIBRARY. Your own library home. Holy Jesus crackers.
- Prices! They’re reasonable!
- There’s a Pita Pit here. There’s one in Vancouver, too, but it’s downtown and too far to go for sexy pitas.
- It’s not raining.
- The local stations seem to really like Futurama.
- You’re encouraged to take classes outside of the phil department if they apply to you.
- They have a marching band!
- The layout of the grad student housing rooms is almost identical to the layout of my apartment here.
- Did I mention it’s not raining?
It was a good day.
It looks like it can be a good future.
There’s a tunnel! And there’s a light at the end of it!
GOD what a weird week.
You know that “waiting on news, possibly good, possibly bad” statement I made about a week ago?”
Yeah. Got some of that today. It was good.
Very good.
How good? Let’s just say I don’t have any reason to stay in Vancouver once my thesis is taken care of.
That’s all I’m going to say about it right now. Ultra happies, though.
I also scalded about 40% of my tongue with ultra-hot tea this morning. ‘Cause I’m a genius like that.
Let me find the regression line that best fits our love
I want to make a lot of money. I want to do something good with it.
One of the main things I’d like to do is set up some sort of program/shelter for homeless people who really want to get back into the workforce and get things back on track again. I would bet that there’s a fairly large proportion of people out there who honestly would just like to get working and earning money, but are unable to due to various circumstances (being homeless and thus not having a permanent address, not having the resources to acquire appropriate clothing for a job interview, not having a resume or not being able to construct one, stuff like that).
I would like to open up some sort of clinic thing that would provide services to homeless people who want to get working again and eventually have a place of their own. It would provide a permanent address (required for a lot of jobs), “work appropriate clothing” (at least for awhile), and any other useful services, like counseling (emotional, financial, etc.), and possible medical assistance.
Of course, there would have to be a lot of checks in place to make sure things weren’t being abused, but something like this has been something I’ve wanted to do for quite some time. And obviously something like this would be ridiculously expensive (unless I could acquire donations and/or other support), but if I ever have enough money, I’m totally doing it.
Anyway.
Just felt like putting that out there, ‘cause I think the only person I’ve ever told about this was Matt when he was up here.
Today’s song: Telephone by Lady Gaga (damn, she is addictive)
Screw this monotony, I need to do a factor analysis!
Ahhhhhh, much better.
It’s surprising how much happier doing a random FAs or CFAs makes me. I wonder what that says? Certainly that I’m on the right track in a sense…
So I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to apply for a job at the Census this summer. If I get it, I’m quitting UBC. Decision will be final.
I also DREAMT ABOUT CLIPPY LAST NIGHT WHAT THE HELL. I think it’s because I was going through ye olde blogs and found that one about him. It was a pretty awesome dream. Clippy’s Odyssey will be an upcoming short story, I promise.
Um…what else…
Oh yeah. No freaking clue what to do for Script Frenzy yet…might redo/expand Marionette, but that sucked more than anything I’ve ever written, so who knows.
Today’s song: Castaway by Chasen
A very intriguing video from our friend YouTube
And this is all I have to say for today.
This really got to me for some reason.
Today’s song: Evacuate the Dancefloor by Cascada
Mediocrity, Thy Name is Claudia
So YET AGAIN I’m having a dilemma about school. I really, really don’t have any idea what I do. If I stay, I’ll be miserable for approximately five years, but if I leave, I’ll regret quitting for the rest of my life. I can’t figure out which one would be worse as of right now.
Why am I having such a hard time with this? I think one of my biggest roadblocks in all of this has been my fear of what others will think. “She’s too stupid to get through grad school.” “All the other schools were right in rejecting her.” “She’s a quitter.” I know that sounds pathetic, but it’s something I worry about, especially if I want to get a job at the Census and/or get a Philosophy MA or PhD.
Anyway.
It got to the point tonight where the decision was so 50/50 that I realized the only way I was going to solve my dilemma was to utilize the old coin flip. I relied on an online coin flipper (because manual coin-flipping is biased slightly in several different ways—look it up, it’s interesting), with heads being “leave” and tails being “stay.”
This exercise proved three things to me. First, when the coin came up “tails” and I went on flipping it until it came up heads (three times, by the way), it proved that I really did have a preference.
Second, it proved that what I was actually looking for was an excuse—an excuse to get off this track I had so meticulously set for myself—and that I was so desperate for this excuse that I would count an online coin-flipper’s outcome as my ticket to freedom.
Third, it proved that I’m unlikely to do anything anytime soon about it, because that’s just the way I am. I like to finish what I start. If I don’t, I hate myself even more.
So here we sit.
And here I am.
I don’t even know what else to say.
Sorry, it’s been a bad day.
Today’s song: Glitter in the Air by P!nk
Dear Universe: Please Cut it Out
I swear to god.
So apparently—contrary to what I was told when I first got here—if I want to get a MS in statistics alongside my PhD in quant psych, I’ll have to essentially take double the stats classes. That’s right: the stats classes I take to fulfill my quant degree DON’T double count to fill a stats degree.
What the fuck. Really? Is that how we’re going to play it up here?
Oh, and add on to that the fact that I’ll have to pay double tuition. Yeah.
Thanks, universe! I’ve always wanted a big steaming pile of Karmic shit for Christmas!
Fuck this noise.
OH GOD MY FUTURE IS IMMINENT
So as of today, I am officially a grad student. Yay. I also realized that my blogs have spanned my entire undergraduate career (with like a month of high school included, at no extra charge!). I shall continue such blogging until I graduate.
Whenever that will be.
You know what I’m really tempted to do?
So…
ETS, the company I want to work for when I’m done with all this school business, has a position open right now that would be absolutely PERFECT for me. It’s like my freaking dream job, listen to this:
Arrange for and perform routine statistical analysis and data-processing tasks using GENASYS, user-oriented computer packages, and statistical software packages. Create datasets, enter computer job control information, code parameters, and submit programs for execution. Draft standard statistical reports and assist in the preparation of complex reports. Prepare and check critical information for score reporting, tables, and figures for statistical procedures, documentation, and reports. Update textual material for such documents. Update and run routine statistical analyses using SAS. Perform a wide variety of statistical calculations (e.g., mean, percentiles, standard error of measurement, and reliability estimates).
I DON’T CARE HOW BORING THIS SOUNDS, THIS IS WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE.
So I applied just on a whim…If I get the job, I’m outta here. Screw grad school for a few years. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Though I don’t think they’ll take me though, ‘cause I think they’ll think I’m too far away to relocate “ASAP.”
Insult + Injury = Apple Pie
FUCK I didn’t get into my top school.
I could have guessed as much.
Screw this, I’m too much of a loser to blog today.
Bah.
I’m so sick of doing these stupid grad school applications.
I’m in freaking Hawaii. Everyone else is out having fun; I’m stuck in this hotel room in like 90% humidity trying to concentrate on these stupid things.
Blah.
If I had more to blog about, I would, trust me.
RIP future
Follow up to yesterday:
I have also calculated that my getting a B in Nonparametric Stats will lower my cumulative GPA to a 3.969. One goddamn THOUSANDTH below the summa cum laude cutoff. And no, they don’t round up to the hundredth, in case anyone was wondering, so I won’t even get to wear my gold cord.
Can this get any better?
And people never believe me when I tell them I’m a fuck up.
(2-years-later edit: wow, I forgot how much this month just absolutely sucked.)
Eigenblogger 