Holy crap…I’m posting a blog at 7:29 AM. Odd I am.

Okay. Anyway, I was at home digging through the remainder of my crap in the closet and I came across another journal from 1st grade. This one has a plot, characters, and an actual ending (which most of my stories don’t, still today). Onward!

We’re the three little cats! We all live on the same street. Our names are Fatty, Ratty, and Big. Next door to Big lives a big bad dog named Dedo. Dedo is never outside. He’s usually inside. Today he went to the store. He bought some cat food and a blue coat. He put the coat on and then put the cat food in a big sack. He then went to Fatty’s house. Fatty is not very smart. He was inside reading the newspaper.

Dedo knocked on the door and yelled, “Mr. Fat, Mr. Fat, are you home?”

Fatty opened the door. “Who are you?” he asked.

“I’m your grandma,” said Dedo.

“Grandma!” Fatty cried. “Come in!” Just as Fatty was closing the door, Big came out.

“I wouldn’t let that thing in,” he said.

“Don’t be silly,” said Fatty. “She’s my grandma!” He shut the door.

Five minutes later, Dedo came out with less cat food, and Fatty’s house was destroyed. Big went to Fatty’s house. No Fatty.

Big went home.

Dedo went to the store. He bought a coat and a hat. He put them on.

Then he went to Ratty’s house and yelled, “Mr. Rat, Mr. Rat, are you home?” Ratty was a little smarter than Fatty, but not by much. He was inside, eating lunch. He got up and went to the door.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“I’m your grandpa,” Dedo replied.

“Grandpa!” Ratty cried. “Come in!”

Just as he was closing the door, Big said, “I wouldn’t let that thing in.”

“Don’t be silly,” said Ratty. “He’s my grandpa!” He shut the door.

Five minutes later, Dedo came out with even less cat food in the bag. Ratty’s house was destroyed. Big ran out. He looked through the broken wood. No Ratty.

Big went home.

Dedo went to the store again and bought overalls and sneakers. He walked to Big’s house, but Big already had a plan. Big has a friend named Little. Little came over to help with the plan. While Little held the scissors, Big put a chair in the middle of the room with a napkin in the seat. When Dedo came, Big let down the part of a box with “happy birthday” on it. Big came out.

“Happy Birthday!” he yelled. “Since it’s your birthday, you get a haircut.”

“But I don’t need a haircut,” said Dedo.

“Yes, you do.” Replied Big. Little pushed Dedo inside. Big made him sit in the chair and put the napkin over his eyes. “Cut!” Yelled Big to Little. Little started cutting off Dedo’s fluff. When Little finished, he took off the blindfold.

“My fluff!” cried Dedo. “What happened?”

“Well…” said Little, holding a bottle of Rogaine.

“That!!” shouted Dedo.

“What?” asked Little.

“That bottle of Rogaine! Give it to me!”

“Oh!” said Big “That. I’ll give it to you if you cough up Fatty and Ratty.”

“Okay,” said Dedo. Bbllaaauuugghhh! “There. Now will you give me that bottle?”

“Well, okay, if you go home and never bother us again,” said Big. “Okay?”

“Well, okay.” Said Dedo. “Here!”

“Thank you!” said Dedo.

“Now, git!” yelled Big. They never heard of Dedo again.

Despite the fact that it completely rips off “The Three Little Pigs” (which is a minor insignificance in my book), I kind of think it’s cool. Especially that Rogaine part. Bet you never saw that coming.

*cough*Pulitzer Prize*cough*