I’m throwing a “September sucked” pity party! You’re all invited if you bring Cheez-Its!
No, I’m not in a bad mood today. In fact, for having a math test coming up on Thursday and a month ahead of me surging with projects, exams, and tests of my ability to stay on top of things, I’m in a pretty good mood. I simply felt that September, being one of the crappiest months of 2007 so far, deserved its own little blog.
A lot of crap happened this month.
I’m discovering that it’s impossible to trust some people from my past, and that some people from the present (not any of you readers, mind you) are just as difficult to trust.
I got my confidence kicked out from under me.
I can’t tell how I feel anymore.
My moods have been swinging faster than Mark McGuire on steroids (this is me pathetically trying to use humor to make this blog not so pitiful).
I learned not to feel content and secure about anything.
I did everything I could to correctly, but that apparently wasn’t enough.
Everything that fell apart this month seemed magnified, for no other reason than the fact that there was a convergence of the collapsing everything that was unstable falling apart on its own. It’s just been one 30-day long crazy-ass ride.
The sole constant this month has been my academic performance. I must say that I got very much needed confidence boosts from the tests I’ve had so far. I guess this proves that it’s the only thing I can rely on. I hope.
People are not to be readily trusted. This I knew, but it’s been magnified by this month’s happenings. So has my desire to be on my own.
So I will attempt in this upcoming October to make the best of my solitary, academia-driven life I’ve created for myself here on earth, because hell, I don’t want another September.
“Welcome to Las Vegas: where your paradise is a pair o’ dice!”
A Double Survey Fun Day!
In other words, I’m bored and have nothing else to blog about today.
Part 1
Darn you, Nick! I was hoping to go through my entire blogging career without getting tagged. I hate you!
“The assignment is to write a blog entry with six random facts about you. Then pick six of your friends and tag them; no tagbacks. This explanation should be included.”
1. I have trust issues. Blame my grandma (looong story). If you get me to trust you, it’s a big thing (so please don’t break it).
2. Every once and awhile I get the overwhelming urge to abandon all my plans and just live a life of no plans, no money, and no guarantees, just going where the wind blows me. You have no idea how much I long for that life on occasion.
3. I think garden noodles + shredded cheese = food of the gods.
4. I was a good long-jumper when I was younger (second, third grade). I wanted to be in the Olympics.
5. I would trade my sense of hearing for a year to be able to smell for five minutes.
6. I brood over everything for way too long, both the good things and the bad things. Heck, things from last April are still very fresh in my mind. Thus, I never really form my true opinions about things until about a month or two after the fact. So if you’re in an in-the-moment situation with me, don’t trust my initial reaction to be a reflection of my true opinion. Just FYI.
Haha, okay. I’ll tag six of you, but you really don’t have to if you don’t want to. It was actually kind of fun, though.
1. Aneel (haha!)
2. Matt
3. Maggie
4. Shannyn!
5. E’raina
6. Whoever first reads this blog and is not on this list (these are my subscribers; I don’t know who else reads this thing)
Part 2
PUT YOUR TOP 8 IN THE ORDER THEY’VE BEEN PLACED
1. Matt
2. Nick
3. Maggie
4. Shannyn
5. Aneel
6. Amy
7. E’raina
8. Paula
HOW DID YOU MEET EACH PERSON?
1. Marching band!
2. At the U of I Bookstore when we were both getting our books for Spring ’07.
3. Marching band!
4. You know, I don’t remember. How sad is that?!
5. Preschool, technically. But we didn’t start hanging out until that one Art Camp. Ha! That was fun.
6. First grade? Remember Coos?
7. Eighth grade, I believe. Thanks for being bold!
8. First grade again, I believe. What I remember most about you though was you being sick all the time in second grade, haha.
DO YOU LOVE NUMBER 2?
In a strictly platonic way, yes.
WHEN IS 6’S BIRTHDAY?
November! She’s a sexy Scorpio!
WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO 3?
Wife.
DO YOU LIKE WHAT 6 LOOKS LIKE?
HECK YES! Amy could be a super model, seriously.
WOULD YOU DATE NUMBER 1?
I have!
ON A SCALE OF 1-10 HOW MUCH DO YOU LIKE 4?
A 1. I dislike her immensely.
No seriously, you’re a 10, Shannyn, an absolute 10!
DOES 1 MAKE YOU SMILE?
He does. Matt’s awesome.
ARE YOU RELATED TO 5?
We’re married, does that count?
LAST TIME YOU SAW 1?
At about 6:00 tonight, walking back from the game.
HAS 8 EVER HURT YOU?
Nope!
WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT NUMBER 2?
God, the fact that he’s freaking awesome. Philosophy major = win. Witty = win. Puts up with me = big win.
ARE YOU IN ANY OF THEIR TOP FRIENDS?
I think I’m in all of their top friends, actually. Sweet!
WHAT IS 2’s FAVORITE COLOR?
Blue.
DOES 4 HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
His brother, haha, his brother!
DOES 7 HAVE ANY CLASSES WITH YOU?
No, it’s sad. But we occasionally see each other on Wednesday before her class and my psych lab.
WHY IS NUMBER 1 IN SPOT ONE?
Because he’s the nicest person I know, and because he’s himself. Rock on!
DOES 4 MAKE YOU LAUGH?
Her sarcasm is hilarious.
WHY ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH NUMBER 7?
Good question! Ha, I’m joking, E’raina. Really, she’s a great friend and is funny in her own way.
HAVE YOU EVER HUGGED 3?
Of course! We’re married, after all.
EVER KISS 8?
Nope.
IS 6 A GOOD FRIEND?
A very good friend.
HAVE YOU EVER HOOKED UP WITH 2?
Ahahaha! I think if Nick and I ever hooked up the world would implode. People as similar as we are to each other should probably not date.
WHAT IS 6’s FAVORITE SPORT?
Football? I have no idea.
DO YOU THINK 3 WOULD EVER DATE YOU?
We’re married already! No need for dating!
WHATS 5’s BEST TRAIT?
His incredible writing ability.
DOES 7 DRIVE?
Not the last time I checked, I do believe.
WOULD YOU DATE 3 & 4 AT THE SAME TIME?
Well, I’m married to both of them…they should meet! Holy crap!
COULD YOU SEE YOURSELF WITH 8?
I think she’s one of the few on this list I’m not married to.
WHERE DOES 7 LIVE?
In an apartment with number 5.
BEST MEMORY OF 4
Oh! Oh! The Coeur d’Alene trip, the Coeur d’Alene trip!
WHAT IS THE WORST THING 5 HAS DONE TO YOU?
Let his brother get away with tearing up the beautiful Valentine’s Day card I gave him.
WHAT ARE 5’s HOBBIES?
Cars, drinking, writing incredibly A+-receiving stories for 11th grade English, and being and all-around Aneel.
IF YOU WERE STUCK ON AN ISLAND, WHO WOULD YOU BRING?
The one that would probably be practical enough to attempt some sort of shot at survival/rescue: Matt or Shannyn
The one who would be the best to die with due to lack of effort to do anything regarding survival/rescue: Nick
DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THESE PEOPLE?
Nah.
“So here is little-bitty song and dance from me, Vladimir Putin!”
Haha, oh my. A fair warning for all of you: unless you actually enjoy my loudness, my obnoxiousness, my stupid jokes, my never-ending laughing at my own stupid jokes, and my…well…let’s just call it my “naivety”, sit as far away from me as you possibly can if you must be on the same bus as me. Just letting you know.
So, today was a rather uneventful day…until the incident(s) with the vibrating phone(s) and the hour-long bus ride to Pullman.
Things we pondered included (most of this you missed, Matt—this is here for you!):
The existential crisis!
My new idea: a blank fortuneteller is an analogy to the human condition. More elaboration on this idea (what I shall call “The Fortune Theory”) in a later blog, once I get it all worked out. Promise.
What birthed Pullman
Yeah. I said something to the effect of, “I wonder what birthed Pullman?” And then came up with this whole idea of a Celestial Mother crapping out Pullman, peeing out Moscow, and various other things for Troy, Genesee, and Potlatch. This was extremely humorous about two hours ago.
How Troy (the Troy in Idaho) got its name
“There was this chick named Helen and the guys were all OMFG horse!”
Low Rider: The Musical
I couldn’t get the song Low Rider out of my head, so Jessie and I, of course, started singing it. I don’t quite know how I got to the point of the song becoming a musical, but I did, and now it shall be, and it will star Millard Fillmore and will include at least one scene from Titanic.
Fun times, fun times.
The ride to Boise will be fun, hehe…
A blog solely about school (feel free to bypass this one)
As the title says, this blog is entirely about school, so you can stop reading now if you like.
Okay?
Okay.
So I totally rocked the socks off the first tests in my Tests and Measurements class on Tuesday. Highest grade in the class. You have no idea how good it feels to know that you may actually be good at what you want to do with your life (and you beat a bunch of seniors and a few grad students). Plus it was the little ego and confidence boost that I’ve needed practically this whole month. God, this month has sucked. But more on that later.
Next item of business: grad school! So far I’ve found a total of FOUR schools that offer a PhD in psychometrics. How sad is that? But anyways, as good as the University of Minnesota sounds (and it sounds GOOD), Fordham University in New York City sounds good as well. This is probably due to the fact that they have a list of required classes, and these classes are basically very specific courses on very specific topics, such as psychometric theory and ANOVA. Dream come true!
But can you seriously see me in New York? I can’t. But I will be applying to every single school I can find (all four of them), so we’ll wait and see which one (if any) I get in to. Then decisions will be made.
Wee.
Progress? Regression? YOU BE THE JUDGE TODAY FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF $99.99!
Well, it’s that time of the year again. Anything more than twice a year is excessive. I’d do this tomorrow but I don’t want to blog about today.
September 27, 2006
And now, September 26, 2007
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Paleontology? Ha! Not a chance!
I have this suspicion that my blogs have been sucky recently. Is it just me, or is it true?
Today’s full of random crap. Bear with.
~Still waiting for Voltaire pins. Excitement is building.
~I also found Candide on audiobook. Win.
~Where I wish to be employed in 10-15 years.
~My Flash god.
~How in the world did my map views on my profile jump to a staggering 1,733?
~Make me a Sartre doll and I shall give you $10.
~Wouldn’t it be awesome if I could make a Podcast of my blogs? Holy crap.
~You know what would be freaking awesome? We all dress in togas and such and go down to those big steps by the old arboretum and have a philosophy party.
Okay, enough of this. You all tell me what kinds of blogs you like, since lately I’m not sure what you all prefer. Do you like my random lists? Do you like me going over my day in an interesting fashion? Do you like my more contemplative (read: “thoughtful,” not depressing) blogs? What about the surveys, can you even stand those?
I’m making an effort to keep you people happy. Feedback! Now! *whip crack*
Survey I stole from Maggie because she didn’t steal it from me
Didn’t even read it first before I started it, something that is inconsistent with my survey-taking methods. See? I can be fun and spontaneous, darn you!
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU:
1. Are you in a relationship?: With my Tests and Measurements class. Yes, we’re a couple now. Yes, I’m seeking therapy for this.
2. Are you happy?: I have my (freakishly intense) moments.
3. Are you bored?: Me? Bored? Never!
4. Are you sad?: I have my (freakishly intense) moments.
5. Are you Italian?: Nope.
6. Are you German?: Yeah.
7. Are you Asian?: Nope.
8. Are you Mexican?: Nope.
9. Are you Irish?: Nope.
10. Are your parents still married?: Not that I’m aware of!
TEN FACTS:
1. Birth Place: Moscow, ID.
2. Hair Color: Black.
3. Height: 5’2″.
4. Hair Style: Short. Kinda like a pixie, but not as “edgy”.
5. Eye color: Hazel (boring!).
7. Mood: Wavering.
8. Crush: Does Voltaire count?
9. Available: Eh.
10. Lefty/righty: Righty
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
1. Have you ever been in love?: Yes.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?: Maybe. I dunno.
3. Why did your last relationship fail?: “Fail” is a strong word. This is private.
4. Have you ever been hurt?: Yes.
5. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?: Not that I’m aware of.
6. Would you date someone of a different race?: Why not? Race doesn’t matter.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?: Haha! Ha! Hahahaha…no comment
8. Are you afraid of commitment?: I was. Then I wasn’t. Then I was again. Then I adopted this attitude that was basically, “go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?” And so it goes.
9. Have you kissed someone within the last week?: Nope.
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer?: Whoever “Nekko Nikky” was in highschool who chucked those candy hearts at me that one day.
TEN ONE OR OTHER:
1. Love or lust?: Love.
2. Hard liquor or beer?: Neither!
3. Cats or Dogs?: Cats.
4. 1 best friend or many “friends”?: 1 best friend means I can tell them anything (and vice-versa). Many “friends” equals less intimacy. Tough choice.
5. Television or Internet?: Internet!
6. Pepsi or Coke?: Neither.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in?: Romantic night in.
8. Black or white?: White.
9. Night or day?: Day.
10. IM or phone?: IM.
TEN HAVE YOU EVERS:
1. Been caught sneaking out?: Nope.
2. Done something you regret?: All the freaking time.
4. Bungee jump?: I don’t want to.
5. Been on a house boat?: I…think so?
6. Finished an entire jawbreaker?: Nope.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?: Gah! Why wasn’t this in the “relationships” category?
9. Cried because you lost a pet?: Of course.
10. Wanted to disappear?: Yes.
TEN PREFERENCES:
1. Smile or eyes?: Ooh, tough. Can I pick the eyes when they smile?
2. Light or dark hair?: I’m a dark-hair lover.
3. Hugs or kisses: Kisses.
4. Shorter or taller: Taller, just because of the lack of people who are shorter. Oh wait, there’s Sean…but that’s about it.
5. Intelligence or attraction: Intelligence. It’s attractive all on its own.
6. Romantic or spontaneous: Are these opposites or something? Romantic. Spontaneous kinda freaks me out.
7. Nice stomach or nice arms: Well you all know what I’d pick. Though my definition of a “nice stomach” is probably not one shared by most.
8. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
10. A date outside or at the movies: Depends on what we’re doing outside and/or what the movie is.
TEN LASTS:
1. Phone call you made?: To Maggie, I think, on Sunday.
2. Phone call you receive: Nick. The little freak has my number and he won’t tell me how he got it.
3. People you hung out with: Matt and Maggie on Sunday.
4. Person you hugged: Matt.
7. Text Message you received: It was one from Maggie during band camp. I can’t remember what it said, though.
8. Person you went to the movies: My dad (Simpson’s Movie!!)
9. Person you have missed: Man, I don’t know.
10. Song you heard: “Running to Stand Still,” U2.
Why isn’t “Craig” short for “Craigory”?
This blog hath two sides.
Side 1:
Some of you may have heard me talking about my old friend from first grade who I’d lost track of for years and years. After many, many futile attempts to find her, I’d given up.
Well, she found me yesterday here on MySpace.
It freaking rocks.
Side 2:
I really need to stop being such a loser, you know? I need to stop confusing people and ruining times that would otherwise be good.
Forgive my unpredictability.
Forgive my inability to be a good source of entertainment (at least, the fun kind) when you want me to.
It’s just been a crappy month.
“Historical Figures I Would Marry: An In-Depth Study”
Finished my studying/homework early. Sitting here watching a PBS documentary on hippopotami. Chatting with Nick. And blaming Nick for what’s to come in this blog.
I was planning on having a nice, quiet, philosophical discussion with him tonight, but that plan backfired faster than a hunting trip with Dick Cheney, so instead I bring you this:
Historical Figures I Would Marry: An In-Depth Study*
1. Voltaire
Top 3 Reasons
1. He’s witty
2. He criticized the Catholic Church
3. Satire is sexy
Advantages
-The conversation! Think of it!
-Letters to each other! Letters to each other!
Disadvantages
-He seems the type to be difficult to get a straight answer out of
2. Socrates (this is based off of Plato’s interpretation of Socrates in his writings)
Top 3 Reasons
1. He died for his beliefs. That’s dedication, people.
2. He taught Plato!
3. He claimed to have a divine voice in his head.
Advantages
-We could talk forever.
Disadvantages
-He’d probably question everything I’d say. That would get old.
3. Rousseau
Top 3 Reasons
1. “Penpal” to Voltaire!
2. Basically came up with the autobiography.
3. “The Social Contract!”
Advantages
-Oh, I think we’d have fun.
Disadvantages
-I think the whole “Romanticism” thing would get to me after awhile.
4. Plato
Top 3 Reasons
1. Oh, come on, he’s Plato!
2. Philosopher.
3. Writer.
Advantages
-Oh, the rhetoric!
Disadvantages
-Our relationship would probably be strictly platonic.
5. Freud
Top 3 Reasons
1. He’s the father of psychoanalysis. I mean, come on.
2. He analyzed EVERYTHING.
3. Have you read The Interpretation of Dreams? Wow.
Advantages
-Again, think of the conversation!
-We could collaborate on things.
Disadvantages
-Neither one of us would ever shut up. Seriously.
6. Millard Fillmore
Top 3 Reasons
1. Best president ever.
2. Last words = “the nourishment is palatable.”
3. In the election of 1856 he won one of the highest popular vote percentages of any third-party candidate.
Advantages
-My goodness, everything!
Disadvantages
-None, if you don’t mind never being remembered. Ever.
Yeah. I should have gone with Matt, Lindsey, and Gary for movies.
*not nearly as in-depth as it could be, so be thankful for that. And there are only six.
Thank God I’m an Atheist!
SEVERAL ISSUES OF INTEREST TODAY!
1. I need a freaking tattoo
Decisions must be made! I spoke several times today about some hypothetical tattoo I shall be getting at some point in the future. Possible designs include:
-a bell curve (because that would freaking rock)
-the Declaration of Independence (on my back, how cool would that be?!)
-did we discuss a portrait of Freud or was I just thinking that to myself?
-tattoos of socks on my feet (like socks tattooed on. I think this was Beau’s idea. Was it Beau? I can’t remember)
-“Cogito Ergo Sum.” Or maybe I’ll get it in the original French, but then even fewer people would understand (except all of France, haha).
See, my problem is the fact that none of my passions are easily tattoo-able: Antarctica, psychometrics, philosophy, socks.
If any of you have ideas I would be more than happy to hear them. Seriously, the more outlandish, the better.
2. I have way too many lists in my blogs
I need some sort of help.
3. I’m having issues with my profile song. Again.
Why do I have issues with this?! It’s like one of the simplest things a person can do, put a song on their profile. And yet I have yet to find one that adequately and truly matches my personality. Sure, KC & the Sunshine Band’s “Shake Your Booty” is very applicable, but sometimes I don’t feel like shaking my booty (shocking, I know) and I want something quieter. “Philosophia” is always a good choice, but I’m still having issues with it.
Bah.
4. VOLTAIRE PINS!
Best eBay find ever. A lot of eight (yes, eight!) pins featuring Voltaire. I’m so freaking elated. Plus they were only four dollars.
Insert happy dance here.
Freaking rocks.
5. Something needs to be done about my blog titles
Enough said.
Love, thy name is z-score
Now I’m not one to cuss much, but goddamn FUCK I love my Tests and Measurements class!!
I know I’ve blogged about this like five times, but I’m so freaking excited about it! I have found my true calling in life. If people are meant to have a sole purpose, I’m 99.99999% sure mine is to be a psychometrician and to make my change in the world through that. It’s a glorious thing to know something with such certainty.
As willing as I am to work my butt off for every single class I have, I’m 500% more willing to work for Tests and Measurements.
More determined than ever. Watch the hell out.
BUT…
Here’s the thing. I think I’ve discovered another very strong passion of mine—philosophy. I’ve never used to like philosophy; it was the one thing I wanted to stay away from. But thanks to my Literature of Western Civilization II class last semester, I’ve discovered the wonderful world of the ancient thinkers. And the addition of my glorious History of Ancient/Medieval Philosophy class this semester makes me consider more than I probably should be considering at this point switching out my minors for a major in philosophy (plus a few classes in the Greek language). But I won’t, because that would be impractical.
Maybe I’ll get a second Bachelor’s in philosophy while working for my Master’s and PhD at whatever grad school I happen to go to.
And I’ve decided that if for some strange reason my getting out of here in three years is not possible (no idea why that would be, considering I could get my requirements for my Bachelor’s done by next semester), I’m saying “screw it” and getting a triple major in Psychology, Philosophy, and Statistics.
That’s right, I’m either in here for a short while or in here for a very long while
I’m probably boring you now.
…I need help, don’t I?
UPDATE: there are weirdoes out there like me! And they’re on Facebook!
Occam’s Razor seems to have lost its edge
“When life gives you lemons, take off your pants”
I’m going to give this “optimism” thing a shot by looking at all the good things that happened today.
1. Matt’s profile song made me smile. Then dance. Then smile while dancing. And then I almost missed Geography because I was dancing too long.
2. Maggie, the tiara freaking fits my head. How sad is that?!
3. I love my Philosophy class. The content rocks and my teacher reminds me of Sean.
4. And speaking of Sean (I’m such a loser)…
(he’s trying to get me to game with him and he’s talking about ones he’d start me out on)
Sean says: ok, Oblivion it is
Sean says: actually, maybe it’d be better to start with Fable
Sean says: smaller, more linear
Sean says: not so overwhelming to your non-L337 mind
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: You don’t think I’m L337?
Sean says: you’re not a gamer, and I’ve never seen you hack, so I assume you’re not L337
Sean says: I suppose you could be, but I don’t see how if you haven’t even heard of Oblivion…
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Can you be L337 in anything else?
Sean says: only if it involves computers…
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: PowerPoint!
5. Then, of course, Nick gives me a compliment in his own weird little way :
Nicktropolis says: you!!!!!!
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Yes?
Nicktropolis says: you quoted plato in your last message
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Yes?
Nicktropolis says: i mean, in a way that was totally natural
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: And?
Nicktropolis says: i want you to have my children
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Haha, holy crap, Nick
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: That is disturbing!
Nicktropolis says: what
Nicktropolis says: philosophy is sexy
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: True that
Nicktropolis says: you are now on the fast track to becoming awesome
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Yay!
Nicktropolis says: if that is, in fact, humanly possible
Nicktropolis says: because i don’t think it is
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Aww
(thanks Nick!)
6. And I dork around with Maggie. Can you tell it’s late at night here?
Oh, My God. Shoes. says: happy dance ^.^
Oh, My God. Shoes. says: well, as dance like as it can get without involving standing up.
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: Standing up is for lame people
Without an Absolute, I Can Be Absolutely Fine says: But not literally lame, because then it would be opposite
Weirdo.
Plus, from the looks of my profile map, I appear to have invaded the East Coast like some sort of plague That makes me happy.
This just in: Philosophy is slowly becoming the next best thing after Tests and Measurements!
You know what I want?
Yeah, neither do I.
But today I worked on scheduling out the rest of my time here at the U of I, and I must say it cheered me up quite a bit. So did going to the library this afternoon and working on reliability coefficients for my Tests and Measurements class. And this was for made-up data; I can’t wait to see how excited I am when I start doing this for my own data.
Planning for school.
Coefficient alphas.
Joy? Is it there?
I’m working on it.
LOL EMO
I feel alone.
I need to yell.
The only thing you can truly rely on is yourself, you know? Just your own mind and your own thoughts. Everything else is unreliable, fleeting. People get tired, get bored, they leave, they move on to better things. Animals, too. Technology is variable and can work one day and crash the next. Nature can turn on you. In the end, all you’ve got is yourself.
Don’t judge me on the way I clothe myself. Until you can show me the statistical proof that all people who wear bright colors are either a) hippies, b) nonconformists, or c) stupid, shut the hell up.
I wish life were as it was a few weeks ago, two or three, maybe.
I’m still looking for whatever it is I’m missing, or whatever it is I lost. I’m unsure as to whether I’ve lost it or whether I’ve just realized I’d never possessed it. Maybe it’s something I have, something extra, that I need to get rid of. Whatever it is, I hate it.
What is worse, to never be able to be trusted or to never be able to trust?
All an emotion does is make you feel. All a feeling does is make you emotional. Both are irrational and should be trifled with as little as possible.
This blog makes little sense.
Waiter! There’s kurtosis in my bimodal-distributed data!
Found this on the internet this morning. Hilarious.
You Know Your Friend is a Psychology Major If…
…they identify themselves by their Myers-Briggs type.
…you and the rest of their friends are fair game if they have any experiments or surveys going on (and they always do).
…they use the word “kurtosis”—enough so that you think they have some sort of disease.
…they send you all their emails in APA format.
…their doodles on their homework consist of bell curves and letters of the Greek alphabet.
…they cite journal articles in their everyday conversations.
…they slip every once and awhile and call their friends their “subjects.”
…they reference the DSM-IV daily.
…they go on for hours on end on how your behavior at the party last night fits in perfectly with your current position in Erickson’s psychosocial stages of development and how your subsequent hangover after a few too many beers indicates the implications of subliminal psychological messages found in beer commercials while tying the whole thing in with a dream you described to them a week ago and all the while you have no idea what the hell they’re talking about.
…you know that they are the last person you should go to for advice about your mental health.
So true, man. So true.
Also, I bought this carrot juice at Safeway today that has 990% of one’s daily Vitamin A allotment per serving. I laughed.
Waiter! There’s four and twenty blackbirds in my pie chart! (Confused? Understandable.)
Today I learned that the short number 119 in our music is, in fact, Sexy Back. I think I frightened Torrey when I starting jumping around screaming, “holy crap, YES!” Plus, if we end up doing a half-time show to Village People music in the near future, it was totally my idea, for the record.
The game came close to being fun for me (“what?” you say. “A football game…fun?!”). I think it was because I was in close proximity to Matt, Beau, Maggie, and Rob. And the two weddings that occurred on the bus helped as well. Matt, if we frightened you, I apologize on behalf of all of us weirdos (Gate Control Theory! Ahahaha… ).
Yeah.
I was going to blog about something else, but I can’t remember what it was. Sad? Yes.
Trying to convince myself that without an absolute, I really CAN be fine…
I’ve realized something about the drag shows: everyone else goes there to unwind. I go there and plunge deeper into my thoughts. And tonight showed me something important: I’m a freaking train wreck.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve figured out that I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did. I can’t tell what I’m supposed to feel anymore—I can’t tell if I’m really happy or really sad, hence the rapid changes in my mood lately. I look at my life and think that there’s nothing to be sad about, but then two minutes later I look again and find that there’s no reason to be happy. I don’t know what to do. I’m not what I want to be. It feels like everything’s slowly falling apart around me. I don’t even know if I can rely on my performance at school this semester, because I’m not feeling too confident about it. Deep in my mind, I know that if I lose that, I lose everything. I can’t let go, but I so desperately want to.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I’m just rapidly losing sight of what I need. So what if I have a 4.0? So what if I have friends? So what if I can afford all the necessities of life? I’m not happy. At least, I don’t think I am. I don’t even know anymore.
I feel like I’m missing something, like there’s a gaping hole in my life somewhere that needs to be filled. It’s like a gnawing in the back of my mind or a scratching at my skin. I really need something; I need it desperately, right here and now. I just don’t know what it is. I can’t sit still I need it so badly. My mind is shooting in a thousand directions, trying to find what it is. I need to sit down and have a good conversation with someone. I need the answers. I need reassurance, even if it’s just a bunch of empty promises. I need to find the reasons for it all. I need someone to hug. I need to get out of my head for awhile and just be, but I know that’s impossible. I feel like I’m on a treadmill, running and running as fast as I can all the while knowing that I won’t be anywhere different when I’m done.
I’m trapped. I hate it. I almost wish I would fail, so then I could be free.
I want to start over.
I’m so sick of myself.
Parmenides, is it really necessary to philosophize sans pants?
Good lord, what a week it has been. And everything that has been going on has apparently come to a head in the most interesting Thursday I’ve had in quite some time. I shall now present you with a chronological list of crap that has happened today, because I think it’s rather entertaining. Be prepared for a long blog.
Item the First: Test? Anxiety!
Ah, I can certainly tell that my body has adjusted to the near adrenaline-free experience of summer. My two regular tests and one surprise test today got to my “adapted to a stress-free environment” system and I got very physically ill about an hour after classes were over. What joy.
And I have no idea how I did on any of them. Relief will not come until I know.
Item the Second: The Statistics Department: Putting the “Mental” Back in “Departmental Competency” (or, “Help! I’ve Stumbled into Brink Hall and I Can’t Get Out!”)
Please note: the title of this item is in no way meant to be insulting to the statistics department. Quite the opposite, actually, so let me tell you the story.
Today after class (or rather, after I got sick after class) I went up to Brink Hall where I was told the statistics department was. My mission was simple—to see if I could change Math 160 to a pass-fail grading system so that I wouldn’t have to stress so freaking much about it (lazy, you say? Shut up, I’ve got 22 credits!). After wandering around Brink for about fifteen minutes trying first to find the stairs to the fourth floor and second to find the main room of the stats department on the fourth floor, I stumbled finally across the main office. The very nice and accommodating lady there listened while I tried to explain my situation (to which no answer could be found anywhere on the U of I website): can you take a class that is required for a minor as a pass/fail?
Well, she didn’t know the answer, so she looked it up. She looked it up in about ten different places. She couldn’t find it anywhere. So she called some people on the phone who were head of the department and explained my question.
Apparently, this question had never been asked before, because no one knew what the hell the answer was. Pretty soon there were five people in the room trying to figure stuff out. Finally, after about 45 minutes, the combined efforts of half the stats department guys and the registrar’s office comes up with solution: it’s up to the stats department. So the minor advisor basically tells me (after I tell him my plans for grad school) that he’ll let me change it to a pass/fail, but it would look rather suspicious on my transcript.
So after all that and after about ten minutes of me sitting there pondering my options, I finally decided to take future benefits over present gratification and stick with a letter-graded Math 160. What freaking joy.
Yeah, there was really no point in me telling that story.
Item the Third: In Which Nick is a Dork
So after the stats department fun, I ran into Nick on the way back to the dorms. We were walking back down the path from the library and we turned around and noticed that the sun was hitting both the library’s clock and the Memorial Gym in a funky way. Nick says, “nice,” and I go, “yeah, pretty. Scenic.” Of course, I say the word “scenic” without placing enough emphasis on the first syllable so that it is indistinguishable with the phrase “see, Nick?” So Nick’s all, “um, yeah I see it. What am I, blind?” And I look at him for a second and bust out laughing. “No,” I say. “Scenic. Like ‘picturesque.” So he starts laughing and we’re standing there like idiots laughing in the middle of the pathway. It was funny. At least for us.
Item the Fourth: SHOPPING LOL!!!11
I’m finally going to The Beach dressed as a female. Hey, there’s a first time for everything! I went to the mall tonight and spent $80 on clothes. Most I’ve ever spent at once on clothes. Corset, choker, skirt, shoes, makeup. Be afraid…be very afraid.
Item the Fifth: Freaking MSN Conversations!
Oh my goodness, I’ve had some of the most interesting MSN conversations I’ve ever had tonight. I had about six going at once at one point at night (about 10 o’clock) and I swear, five out of the six had about three things in common:
1. masturbation
2. sex
3. fetishes/disturbing fetishes/pizza (sorry, Maggie, sorry)
Wow. Probably the most interesting one was the conversation with Sean, in which he psychoanalyzed my sex life and my, well, issues with…things. I’m soooo tempted to post it, but I know he’d hurt me, mainly because of the fetish part. We stayed up until 4 in the morning talking about this stuff. He’s a genius, that’s all I have to say. And Maggie and the pizza…holy crap. And note to self—don’t get Nick started on sex. Just don’t. Best MSN conversations ever.
Yeah. Rundown of my day. Hope you liked it.
The Big 500
Well my friends, we’ve finally arrived. My 500th blog. Half way to 1,000. Bet you’re all looking forward to that day, huh?
Here are some stats for y’all, regarding my blogs:
500 posts
6,961 blog views
311 comments
195 kudos
Total pages (when copied into Microsoft Word): 321
Words: 126,347
How disturbing is that?
And, of course, as always, I must bring up past blogs. However, I’ve only chosen the top 2% (ten). These are special, my friends. Cherish them.
Top Blogs
- The Second Continental Chatroom
- Seuss on the Loose
- Rant Against Pants
- Ranking of the Names
- Font Personalities
- Ranking of the Presidents
- “Easy Mac”
- Words with Aneel
- Incompetent People Suck
- Dirty Stuff
Top Blog Titles
- Jimmy crack corn one more time and I’m referring him to a specialist
- “My whereabouts are none of your concern,” said the Little Star as he twinkle-twinkled
- If dyslexics wrote the Constitution we would have the right to arm bears!
- At first I was just friendly to the environment. But now we’re dating!
- The day that Camus backed into a sumac was the day the palindrome was born!
- I used to work at a bridal shop specializing in headdresses. My work there was to know a veil.
- I used to teach a failing fly-tying class until I realized my efforts were all for knot.
- This just in: geophagists across the globe are biting the dust!
- Drugs: the anti…oh wait.
- Where do the quadriplegics stand?
I look forward to entertaining you all at least 500 more times. I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have.
John Adams, I do not feel you have the necessary capabilities to bring sexy back
Okay people, assuming I don’t die in the next half-day or so, I’m going to hit blog number 500 tomorrow.
Big thing for me, really.
I’m just glad that I didn’t start my blog one day prior to the day I did, because then my 500th blog anniversary would be on September 11th and that would not be a good thing.
Anyways, I figured I’d update my self summary thingy on the front page, change up my song for a little bit, and try and figure out why the fonts of my blogs’ titles never stay the same as I set them.
I have no idea what to do for tomorrow’s blog. Something with the titles, perhaps? I’ve had some good titles, and they always entertain me personally more than the blogs themselves. Or maybe that’s just me.
Final note: are any of you guys (Matt and/or Maggie, considering you’re the only ones who read this) going to the fair? I was thinking we could all go to the fair on Saturday before the big happy fun time WSU game that night. What do you think?
Oh wait, one final final note: was I just hallucinating today or was the last “short” in our shorts list for marching band “Sexy Back”? Cause if it’s “Sexy Back” I fear I may just have a seizure of joy in the stands.
Blog 498: the countdown to 500 has begun
Today I present to you a list of all my Flash works up to the present, and a list of all my quizzes up to the present. Because I have absolutely nothing else I want to say today.
Flash
Cheech and Chong’s “Dave” done with Millard Fillmore
The infamous “Aneel” animation
First old-timey/first with an actual plot…sort of
“Pilgrim”
The even more infamous “The Matt Farnsworth Experience” animation
Quizzes
What Member of ‘Team America’ are You?
Which Founding Father are You?
Lewis and Clark: Which One are You?
What Shape are You?
What Punctuation Mark are You?
What is your Temperament?
Your Color Personality
Have fun with that.
A blog
Hm. Well, I was going to post this today anyway, considering I almost brought it out in public last night at Denny’s. So I guess I’ll post it anyway, it doesn’t matter, does it?.
My private blog has now become public to those three of you on my preferred readers list. I hope this doesn’t backfire. If you have anything to say, I suggest you say it now.
Denny’s Midnight Runners
Apologies to Dexy.
Ah, first football game of the year, and what an absolute bore the clarinet section is this year. Maggie, I miss you. I want to be up with you and Matt and Rob and all the other fun people up in the trombone/baritone section.
But enough about that!
Denny’s will never be the same. Tonight was awesome. Five us of go gadding about at 10 at night to Denny’s in Pullman. I had sugar. Melissa had a video camera. We were all pretty perverted. Fun times were had.
I must say, life is pretty good right now.
Except for math.
Damn you, Karn Evil 9!
Doesn’t this sound like a survey I’d write? I think it does. But really, I didn’t! Anyways, I haven’t done a survey in awhile. So here we go!
Seventeen Random Questions
1. Are you keeping a secret?
Yes. But probably not for long, because it’s something people need to know about me.
2. If you could be any historical figure for one day and one day only, who would you be?
Voltaire. Fucking genius.
3. If you could be any fictional character for the rest of your life, who would you be?
Ooh, that’s tough. I know he dies, but I’d think it very awesome if I could be Jay Gatsby. Or Captain Queeg. They’re both good.
4. What is your opinion on nude photographs/nude photography?
I’m lookin’ for a photographer, dangit! Where the hell are all the offers?!
5. What class would you marry if you had to marry a class you’re taking right now?
TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS! TESTS AND MEASUREMENTS!
6. What is your dream career?
My dream career? That will never, ever happen? To be called up after I get my PhD by the McMurdo Station down in Antarctica and be asked to come live down there as the resident psychologist for all the people at the base. Holy crap. Best. Job. Ever.
7. Would you ever get a butt augmentation?
My dear survey, if my butt were to grow in size even another millimeter, Hubble’s orbit would shift and it would begin year-long revolutions around it.
8. Earth: how many more years until we fuck it up beyond the point of no return?
We’ve probably done it already, actually.
9. Can you find the derivative of f(x) = x5?
Yes. f'(x) = 5x4.
10. Alright smart one, take your IQ and subtract your weight from it. What do you get?
56.
11. You’re given the responsibility of going back in time and dropping something into the primordial soup. What do you throw in there?
William Shatner! That oughta liven things up.
12. What’s the sexiest musical instrument?
Trombone, baby!
13. How many movies can you quote verbatim by heart?
Too many. Basically, every movie I’ve seen more than twice.
14.Throw me a sexual secret of yours, right here and now!
Um, I can be kinky? I think?
15. What is the one thing you would change about your life this very moment?
This very moment in space and time? Not a thing.
16.Ever written a play to be produced?
Yes, actually. What an out-there question.
17. Does it bother you that this survey has 17 questions and not a nice, round number like 15 or 20?
You have no idea.
Orson Welles, put your pants back on!
So this probably won’t mean a single thing (or be funny at all) to any of you but Nick, since this was a snippet of a rather long conversation in which I get accused of being too wordy (me? Wordy? I know, shocking!). He just wanted me to post this somewhere, so in the blogs it goes.
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: So what’s the deal with you and Melissa?
St. Nick says: we’re done, i think
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Aw
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: I’m sorry
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: What happened?
St. Nick says: oh, she just “happened” to kiss this really attractive male friend of hers who plays the didgeridoo
St. Nick says: wtf didgeridoo
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Haha
St. Nick says: who the hell does that?
St. Nick says: and how does it come up in conversation?
St. Nick says: “hi, what’s your name?” “i’m tom. oh and by the way in case you were wondering cause everybody wonders, i play the didgeridoo”
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: A little bitter, are we?
St. Nick says: maybe a little
St. Nick says: but it’s all good cause this girl i met when i was in montana is actually going to school here and we’re gonna hook up tomorrow
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Good lord, man
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Take a breath
St. Nick says: lol
St. Nick says: i could say the same thing about you and your writing
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: What’s that supposed to mean?
St. Nick says: that message you sent me was three pages long and all you basically said was that you liked your philosophy class
St. Nick says: you know what you’re problem is?
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Oh, enlighten me, Mr. Commander of the English Language
St. Nick says: you’re too wordy
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Ah!
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Absolutely not!
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Never am I too verbose as to get my point across clearly and concisely in a manner that is succinct and to the point while simultaneously being thorough in my explanation of my thoughts and attitudes!
St. Nick says: lol case and point
St. Nick says: best comeback ever lol
I Think it was Socrates Who Said, “Hello! My Name is Socrates!” says: Thanks
Yeah, that’s all. Nick just wanted that last part to be immortalized. So there you go, you weird person, you. And stay away from me at the library.
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